PORTALS OF MERCY MINISTRY

GLAD TO SEE AND HEAR

2018-07-01T02:25:00.000-07:00

The flowers are blooming, the birds are singing and although I still have temper tantrums based on the behaviors of others, on the whole, life's Pretty sweet.
Its summer here in the Pacific NW. As much of a summer we are gonna get. AND.... Things are looking up! I've been spending many hours engrossed in main stream media and social media as everyone discusses heated emotional sides of insane agendas. I felt depressed as those of us who read and follow the events of the world in comparison to the "Bibles End Times Prophecies," everything is playing out according to the masters plan. I pinch myself to be living in these days. Its both a blessing and a curse. Today after being trapped in some lunatics version of customer service and product quality, I was then assaulted by another situation that reminded me that people are not so nice anymore, they do not follow the same rules I was taught to follow as I was growing up. So rather than tuning in and getting justification for why we all deserve to be blown to kingdom come I was encouraged by
these voices of reason.

Jordan Peterson (Google Images 2018)

Ravi Zacharias (Google Images 2018)

Both of these men are Christians, one an Apologist and another a Canadian Psychologist.
Honorable mentions are Ben Shapiro, and hard hitting Fox Journalists: Laura Ingraham, and Tucker Carlson.
Not so sure if it is truly anything more than entertainment but it makes me feel like there is someone out there that thinks like I do.

Happy 4th of July

THE EVER CHANGING FACES

2018-06-14T13:59:00.002-07:00

We all know how fickle our President Donald Trump is about his Executive Office and all the other people appointed to perform duties representing our Federal Government in positions around the world. It's the big boss attitude that attracted the attention of many in this country to watch him say, "YOUR FIRED" for 15 seasons that brought out unknowns and Stars to either win a job with the Trump Organization or pit themselves against the "Red Lion".

The "Red Lion "in his Kinglike demeanor decided he wanted to be president and so he was.

Donald J. Trump (2018 Google images)

I myself endorsed Marco Rubio the Senator from Florida. For the first time putting a sticker on the bumper of my car, (which is a big deal for me.), writing letters, getting everyone in my circle of influence to register to vote. Even the people at the food banks where I volunteered were not safe from me, "are you registered to vote?"

The elderly, the poor, the maimed and the hungry were not safe from my speeches about a better life for them if we won the Whitehouse. My own house divided with my brother screaming to me on the phone about Mr. Trump and how could I possibly support anyone else? My son a clear Bernie Saunders supporter.

Then the day came when Rubio conceded. His disappointment clear when he spoke negatively about how those of us who supported him should not vote for Trump and steer our votes elsewhere to block a landslide for Donald Trump. I voted for Trump. I don't know maybe I didn't. I closed my eyes and made a mark. I did that in the last election too. Wishing there was a box for undecided.

I actually cried. After my disappointment, I became interested in the politics of the UK and wrote letters of support and encouragement to the Prime minister. I know right?

My mother says I missed my calling, Politics. I do not really think so. I don't have the personality for the limelight. I'd rather stand behind the scenes, say something when it matters and makes sense out of chaos.

At this moment Senator Rubio who returned to Congress as a Senator representing the State of Florida is also active as the Chair for the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. He is currently sponsoring many bills and championing the concerns relating to foreign trade laws and especially those concerning China. https://youtu.be/LKL0sFCv9aQ

https://youtu.be/zaPgfPf4GxI

After stepping back from domestic politics the past couple years and trying to immerse myself in foreign politics, I have gained a very real appreciation of our own form of democracy. In the purest form. Not Capitalism.

Despite all the negativity against our President by our media, his defense of himself, powered by the social media: I've discovered that overwhelmingly, The United States of America is the unique and valuable country. The whole world wants what we have. Our form of Democracy is working and in the opinion of the President and in the opinions of the ever-changing executive branches we must be ever vigilant to keep what we have and protect it as if it were a precious commodity.

Never before have we been under such attack from within and without. Be vigilant and aware and be prepared to defend this great nation and stand united with the leadership that understands where we really are in the bigger picture, that is currently making decisions to secure its future for us now and for that of our children.

SELF MURDER

2018-06-12T14:07:00.000-07:00

Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one's own death.^[6] Risk factors include mental disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders, and substance abuse — including alcoholism and the use of benzodiazepines.^[2]^[4]^[7] Other suicides are impulsive acts due to stress such as financial difficulties, troubles with relationships, or bullying.^[2]^[8] Those who have previously attempted suicide are at a higher risk for future attempts.^[2] Suicide prevention efforts include limiting access to methods of suicide — such as firearms, drugs, and poisons; treating mental disorders and substance misuse; proper media reporting of suicide; and improving economic conditions.^[2] Even though crisis hotlines are common, there is little evidence for their effectiveness.^{[9](wikipedia,2004)}

Google Images 2018

The Bible speaks to this horrible act as it does on all subjects pertinent to living. In the Bible, King Saul and his armor-bearer committed Suicide. However, in Ecclesiastes 7:17, The word tells us,"be not much over wicked, neither be thou foolish: why should you die before thy time?. "Even Jesus Christ himself was tempted by Satan to kill himself." Luke 4:9 tells of when Satan brought Jesus into Jerusalem and set him on a pinnacle of the temple and told him ïf thou to be the son of God, cast thyself down from hence." To which he rebuked Satan and questioned the act saying, "It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God." Satan had expounded as he had to Eve, trying to seduce Jesus into killing himself. Eve did commit a sort of suicide by disobeying, thus tempting God. All of mankind suffered for her transgressions. It was a betrayal of love and trust.

" Don't flatter yourself into thinking you are The Christ or even that you matter that much in the bigger scheme of things as the Lord God, the father recognizes humility, not pride.

To this author that is telling me that to kill oneself is a wicked evil act. Pure selfishness. It angers me when people who are celebrated or famous murder themselves. It sends a final statement to the living saying, that they didn't care and were ungrateful for all that they were given. Or it's not worth it. Look at me, I have it all and its nothing. The bottom line is they were so filled with self that they became introspective and because the soul without Christ cannot find meaning or purpose. Once life is devalued and self-has elevated a confusion and depression becomes paramount. Regret and grief, one views one's life in a narrow spherical manner. Around and around we go in the maze. Working, eating, and sleeping pure functionality no matter what the level.

With Jesus Christ as our savior, our lives have more depth and meaning. The Holy Spirit leads us to a deeper understanding of life and its great purposes, including our part in it. Gods Holy word, (The Bible, King James actually has power in it,) works as bread and water to our thirsty questioning souls. I have seen people healed by the vigilant reading of the KJV (King James Version)over them. Its called the bread of life and Christ's sacrifice for us: the filthy rags we are the drink to the thirsty soul. His love is better than life. To be embraced in the spirit by Christs Holy Spirit is the ultimate fulfilling. I have myself been touched by Christ in prayer 2 times in my life and fallen to my knees in an emotion I cannot fully explain. Totally out of control of my physical body and sobbing like a baby overwhelmed by a pure and complete feeling that God loves me. To this, I have no doubt and his purposes for me keep me from the wide path of temptation that beckons me to see life as a waste. My readers may say I do not know depression, but unfortunately, I do. I suffered a nervous breakdown when I was in my 30s. I felt those feelings of worthlessness and a sadness I cannot explain. It's a terrible place to be. The darkness totally enveloped me. I laid down in the mud and gave up, rain pelting me mixing my tears away in the flood of water that was pooling over me. Then a flash of car lights fell upon me in the dark and I remembered I was a mother and had children at home who I loved and they loved me. I got back up and trudged on. To make a long story short; My daughter met me at the door and was frantic as I had simply disappeared. When she said,"mom, I went out to the barn looking for you and expected to see you swinging from the rafters."I was immediately ashamed. How could I have been so selfish? The guilt was unbearable.
I had a lot of time to think all of this through. Realizing that there are many situations that occur in life that we have no control over. It is a lie to think we can have control over something so dynamic as life. However, we are fed this lie. Why because our world is designed to lie to us because it is under control of an enemy and his name is Satan.

This Satan a fallen angel was tossed out of the presence of God because he was so absorbed with himself that he defied God his creator. He vowed, in essence, to seek revenge for his punishment and destroy Gods beloved creation man. Everything we do here on earth is a conflict because of this. When one gets depressed and questions one's own self-worth (which is found in Christ), we are falling into the confusion of lies. Satan is the father of lies. The Bible tells us that it is he the father of lies, is as a lion who roams about seeking to whom he can devour. What that translates to is here is this immortal being who is desperately wicked, walking the earth (his kingdom), looking for someone to destroy. Yeah, its scary, and I spend every day doing my best to make sure that I am standing next to Jesus who is on the right hand of his father God.
God created Satan and he can take him out. I used to ask why doesn't he do it, punish that wicked grotesque thing that hates all of what is good and pure in life, that which is truly beautiful and most fulfilling. Just smoosh him out, make him a grease spot on the pavement? Because he already has provided for that. It is definite. He lost the war already. That day that Christ submitted to being the final sacrifice for us, the day he died and went to hell for 3 days and set the captives free. and then on that 3rd day, he arose again having conquered sin and death and hell. He basically made Satan Impotent, Jesus Christ took away Satan's future and all his power.

Yes, it's all still going on, we are living in exciting times because Jesus is coming back again, He's coming for HIS people. I have to always stop and think about that to gain perspective. The Savior of the world is coming back again for me, and you if you love him with all your mind, will and emotions. The Bible finally tells us in Proverbs 3:5& 6, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding, In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy paths.

I have had to in life trusted people and everyone with flesh has let me down and disappointed me. Not true with God, God has never let me down. I am not saying I have a Bugatti in my garage or a career that even pays my bills. Yet, when I count my blessings I see how blessed I have been. When I doubt, I realize that I am looking for proof through the eyes of a temporal earthbound being. In order to see God, one must put on a garment of praise and humility with one's heart, not one's mind. We seek the father on our knees and unclench our fist so he can educate us and we can become all that we can be on the earth and more useful for the father's plans in eternity.

Suicide is an ultimate and final slap in the face to our creator who only wants our happiness and our love because we chose to love. It is also a victory for Satan who hates God and relishes in our suffering because he knows that when we suffer, Gods creation that he chose over the Angels including Satan suffers. Suicide is self-murder and the destruction of that which is most precious to God that he gave his only son to suffer on the cross save us for eternity.

(Google Images,2018)
Wikipedia: The free encyclopedia. (2004, July 22). FL: Wikimedia Foundation, Inc. Retrieved August 10, 2004, from(Wikipedia,2004)

TODAY IS A NEW DAY

2018-05-16T11:46:00.001-07:00

Google images 2018

Today is a new day, Today we celebrate the launching of PORTALS OF MERCY MINISTRY'S New Blog site with the addition of the Gmail contact address @PortalsofMercy2018@gmail.com
for Healing conversations.

Portals is a Ministry where you can contact us to talk about family issues, personal crisis and to receive prayer.

Portals of Mercy has been ministering to people in difficult situations for 25 years in the field and locally.
Active ministry counseling in Arizona, Florida , Maine and Now Washington State.

Services available include; Counseling, crisis management, educational and employment referrals and services connected.

Call us and just talk to one of our counselors who will listen and guide you to manage your everyday issues or help you resolve your crisis situations, or help you determine what are the best alternatives available to you.

We are respectful and expect you to be also. This is not a business but a Ministry designed to offer help through casual conversations about daily issues and concerns.

We appreciate you and will support you in prayer lifting up your needs to God. If you are in need of professional crisis counseling and are considering ending your life please contact National Suicide prevention lifeline @ 1.800.273.8255 or link to @https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

#3 STUPIDITY

2018-03-22T16:20:00.002-07:00

https://www.abc15.com/news/region-southeast-valley/mesa/family-says-they-were-stuck-in-mesa-rv-store-for-an-hour-after-it-closed

Yep thats the place..

(Camping World , Mesa, AZ: Google Images 2018)

COMPARTMENTALIZED THINKING

2018-03-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

(Thinking in the box (google Images, 2018))

Having studied Psychology as a part of my Masters Degree,and later working in Behavioral Health alongside a Psychiatrist or two or three, I have come to know about this kind of thinking. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compartmentalization_(psychology), as a part of our own cognitive dissonance. I have had the opportunity to see individuals revert to this thinking and the behaviors it causes first hand and very often.
Why am I writing about this? More often than not a person will live their whole lives within a structure of compartmentalized thinking, and I wanted to address this as an aspect of how business and government uses this to manipulate people to do their daily jobs, and react to situations. This kind of thinking is often projected to us subtly in everything from the movies we watch to the foods we eat, and how we spend our money.
Examine your daily behaviors, do you behave routinely, do what is innate to you, react without thinking? Examine the things you say, have you thought about why you say those things?

Just the other day I witnessed a man in a truck roll down the window of his vehicle and yell obscenities at a couple in the parking lot for supposedly cutting him off. Why would he carrying the event which is basically part of the driving experience into something abusive? If he had hesitated for one moment and thought about it,"Hmm," perhaps he would have held his tongue. Its a situation that caused him to feel uncomfortable and because of his sense of power, and who he thinks he is he reacted. In reality he might get out of his truck and we would find he is maybe a little shorter than we thought he would be, kind of wimpy even. However, it is the person he becomes when he gets into that 5,000 pound vehicle, that he thinks he is. This behavior shocking as it may be is a part of this individuals compartmentalized thinking. His Behavior prompted by his sense of dissonance.

Therefore, when we have an election and a person is voted on to represent us in a body of government that candidate picks a platform. He/she appeals to a certain kind of person that they feel lives within the boundaries of the area they will represent. As individuals we respond to those that seem to fit the way we think about things. The candidate's play on our fears, the flaws of former officials, and appeal to the things that might appease a certain population.
As a kid I remember when politics started in grade school with the election of a "Class President." I fondly remember as a 6th grader hearing a boy with horned rimmed glasses and a dress shirt and tie say,
"I will make sure that we have chocolate milk in our drinking fountains." Of course that never happened but he did become our class president. He found out right away, " give the people what they want... "I am sure he is out there someplace holding a public office.

However, I would like to address this issue of compartmentalized thinking further. I would like to apply it to our everyday lives. Lately I have thought,"if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound." (a concept based on an experiment concerning perception), How do I want to be perceived? If i just allow myself to be present and yet still and quiet will my presence be noted or am I an invisible type of personality?

Relating to my own compartmentalized thinking I have begun to question myself: "Are my thoughts valid? How am I being perceived by others? What am I meaning to accomplish by my statements that reveal my thinking? Am I being too nice? Am I being too careful? What is it that I want to achieve here?" "Do I care?" After a while after watching, reviewing, and thinking, I realize it really doesn't matter as everyone around me is programmed into one dynamic or another and who I am is merely their perception based on who they think they are and what compartment they are filling. If the tree falls in the forest it does make a sound. The real question to ponder is what is that sound?

(Fallen Tree in the Forest ( google Images 2018))

THE RV WORLD

2018-03-10T15:59:00.000-08:00

The information contained in this blog are the expressed opinions of the author based on true experiences. Photo "Disclaimer" is sourced via Google Images 2018

AND Therefore, not fact. Ok, so it's the world we live in. You've heard it all, "buyer beware, you get what you pay for, or Caveat Emptor" of course everyone has the memorable experience of having to buy a new car. Visiting the car lot and having the sales people swamp the car.(if not, be thankful)
In our case, we drove by on a Saturday afternoon and saw them all standing out in front and because we did not have the courage to pull in, drove past. People we do business with should carry a disclaimer as the one above, tacked to their fronts. Especially a certain company which I will not name here, Camping World, in this post due to the fact that my opinion may have some relevance to the future business dealings of this organization. NOT! business is booming. They must stay alive due to their Good Sam Camping Club and Insurances and the continual victimization of unsuspecting RV buyers like us.

However, I will not just single out this organization for its shocking behaviors towards clients/employees and customers, I will also mention others like Cal Am Properties and Resorts.

THE STORY: Mom and I were Workampers planning a trip someplace south for the winter of 2017/18. The old Class C had seen its best years and therefore prompted us to look for another rig. Finding a rig that fits one's needs is a huge undertaking. Very much like buying a house the process has an added element of dealing with RV salespeople and lots of competition between organizations. They all promise something. Most of it is lies.
Having exhausted our local facilities we broadened our search and upon calling a Camping World in Oregon was told; "We have several newer/used units that your financial situation could accommodate."

Upon arrival, the saleswoman whom I made an appointment with could not be found, having gone to lunch already. We were exactly on time, I'd have understood had we been late, going to lunch.. finally, she showed up as we were about to leave, walking to our car she came out to greet us,"hi guys," We loaded up into a golf cart. Thank God that my Senior citizen mother was in the front as the quick turns and fast stops, made by our saleswoman would have spilled her out, a potential catastrophe to be sure; after viewing the first NEW! RV, she chose to walk.
We asked,"where are the older models you told us about?" Having driven for 4 hours to see a potential "Awesome Used RV" we were quite disappointed when the crazed saleswoman stated, "oh, I don't have much." zipping to a curbside beside a hybrid I inquired about. "you can have this unit at our cost" "How much does it weigh as we can only pull under 3,800 lbs." The bargaining began. We ended up buying a NEW! RV that in theory we could pull but in reality could not. We parted to drive home with a promise for a phone call tomorrow to let us know if our financing went through.

The call never came. We called and never got anyone who could help us. Getting a little aggravated by this time as we had left money down on the rig. Someone should be communicating with us. Another day later, after waiting for calls all day for managers, and disconnected calls, and put on hold calls. Once we were routed to the store section of the facility and speaking to a merchandise person we hung up. 2 days later we called again. My mother hung on the phone for some time before another salesperson came on to tell us our speed racer sales lady could not be found and was probably out on the lot with another client." Did we want her to call us back? as he would take a message. My mother asked for a manager. This kind of attitude persisted for another 2 weeks.
Why we did not just cancel the check I have no idea. Perhaps we could not find anything else at the time. I had done extensive research into what we could haul, tongue weights, water capacities, warranties, hitches and sway bars. Looking back, We should have just asked for our money back and moved on.

To our credit or our stupidity, we hung in there until we had our new RV sitting in the drive. I was on the lot to see it be driven out by contracted delivery people after a quick run through on operations by a toothless logger and a shop guy that smelled of alcohol. Lighting the propane?

In the back of my mind as we were rushed out of there(our saleslady already with a new client, ignoring my waves goodbye,) a scene from,"Casino Royal," Woody Allen in front of a firing squad having his last smoke. "SO LONG SUCKERS" https://youtu.be/67GncCLOBVE" playing while I watched our NEW! RV head out on its maiden 4-hour journey to its hook up in our drive.
I wish I could say "these suckers" were done with those peddlers, making that experience a character building memory. Yet we could not. The sale was mismanaged and the paperwork was not correctly expedited. The loan package compiled without permission of the lender and on and on, even the names were not correct.
on one occasion after we had called to discuss this, she said," I don't know why your unhappy, you got such a good deal why don't you run an ad on Craig's list and sell it ?" Wow! where did that come from? obviously, someone eating too much lunch and racing around flipping senior citizens out of golf carts.. IDK

The RV was too heavy weighing in at 3,600 lbs loaded. Our Grand Caravan with a factory installed tow package was straining to pull us to Arizona. We gave up and bought a truck.

One would think that was the end of it. However, when we got to Arizona the Workamper job at Cal Am their Val Vista Resort, where we had been hired, forgot to tell us that we had to have a camper that was over 22' long.

So, there we were with our new Jayco Jayflight BH17. One of the most negative experiences in my life began.

It wasn't the residents who were mostly retirees, snowbirds, and locals living the RV life, that were a problem; they were just normal folks who wanted to have a good time. It was the management of the resort that needed lessons on how not to behave as criminals. They practiced lying and opportunistic business practices. To explain better; Its a sort of vulture approach. Use everyone else's money, don't pay your bills and do not fulfill your contracted promises to your business partners, utilizing manipulation and control. Say one thing and do another.

The very first day I was on the job the manager came in and browbeat the other Workampers for apparently making a paycheck. "You know corporate doesn't like that," he said. He did not look at me, however, I felt he was sending a message to those of us who had just come in.

We had come to the job with the assurance that if we worked over our rent and utilities we would be given a paycheck. That was disappointing as I had passed up other offers to come to this location. Other fiasco's were: losing our paperwork, not even bothering to employ my mother who had come all the way to Arizona having been hired just like myself, moving us to another part of the park, (I'm sure due to the size of our rig) not answering emails and now making me chase my tax information. Yikes! Since we are members of Workamper News and we were recruited from their classifieds, I feel obligated to warn others of our experiences. Cal Am was dishonest and much of my mother's stress which caused her to have a stroke while we were there can be attributed to that experience.

AND yes, "Caveat Emptor" which should completely apply to Camping World. We had been warned and now so have you.

Part #3 will usher in the next chapter of this escapade, A visit to the same company where we purchased our unit in Arizona, its entitled, "Stupidity."

WORKAMPING

2018-02-23T13:31:00.002-08:00

Part 1:

Yes, that's how it is spelled, "Workamping" a term fashioned by an organization called "Workamper News" which has pioneered the now burgeoning movement to live in ones RV and work while traveling.https://www.workamper.com/, Which I did since October 2017.
It's a long and disappointing story punctuated with many negative experiences. Highs and lows but mostly lows.

I Workamped in Mesa Arizona at an RV Resort. It was nothing to write home about but the people were nice.
I made some friends and had a few laughs thank you Mr. Hilariousness, part of the terrific duo, The funny one paired with his very gentle and sometimes candid British Ex-pat wife. had me in stitches most of the time.

The poor people of Mesa and perhaps Arizona, in general, have terrible air quality, the worst drivers in the world aside from Florida and the speed demons of Detroit and not to forget the careless Oregonian drivers. Even when the wind is not blowing, there is this unseen dust in the air. It gets in your ears and I could feel myself breathe it in. It settled on my tongue and then my sinuses clogged up as it spread to my chest. I had a constant heaviness as my breath struggled to find a clear airway.
It was only after we made the Oregon State line on our return trip home, did I start to feel as if I could breathe again. I am to this day and it is February still a little clogged.
That was only one negative connected to living in the real "Wild West." I won't say anymore so as not to tempt those sweet Arizonians to a better climate for their health. SEATTLE!!! oops, didn't say that...

However, I must speak to you carnivores at this point in time, BEEF! cheap!! and delicious! I ate steak almost a couple times a week! The beauty of the meat was amazing and inexpensive as well.

What occurred was we made it to our lovely Workamper campsite, one day from what I realized was a monthly event: "A Patio Sale." I was exhausted from the journey, a few days of breakneck traveling to be there for the deadline to begin working. As it turned out we needn't have traveled so fast as they did not put us to work for 2 weeks! My first bleary-eyed Saturday found me sitting in my new camp chair, gazing at a sea of Class A motorhomes across from us, beside us and behind us. No sunshine, just gray overcast sky and the sounds of cars whizzing by on the highway behind us. I fought my disappointment. However, something was occurring.
People in golf carts were slowly passing by loaded down with lamps, hoses, various treasures grasped as they drove one handed down the narrow lanes. I noticed my neighbor whom I came to know as, "Pastor Bill," put out one thing. A grill. I sat and contemplated this little grill; it wasn't a Hibachi, which I was in the market for. It wasn't a junk kettle barbecue, which I had the non-junk version at home. It Was a Weber, hmm... a known name for quality in the grilling business. I was afraid to leave my chair for a closer look as I hadn't even met these people yet, and my hair was standing up: I knew this as I could feel the soft breezes whip at my strays.
However, I was dressed and had shoes on. As I stood up the neighbor to the right, Mr. Hilariousness came over and said, "you need that. grill" At that point in our relationship, I was not able to decipher whether he was serious or joking. I thought, "yes I do." yet at the same time talking myself out of it.
My mind churning about money issues, not even knowing where my credit card charges were due to the journey and charging campsites and fuel. Always hoping to catch up with my 'New job."(which never happened.)

The man on site, was in front of one of the nicest "A class'" I'd ever seen. From here on known as "Pastor Bill, " came out immediately with his hand extended for a shake. I sheepishly shook his hand being uncertain about myself and my place in this Snowbird world. "I'm Bill from Colorado," he said. I should mention we all wore name tags, plastic dealies with our names and states on them. (cautioned not to let anyone see us without it being employees, I immediately discarded mine, attaching it to my work shirt. ) "Pastor Bill" began to explain the life of the grill and for some reason, I heard nothing. I think it's my nature upon meeting people to see only what is apparent; mannerisms, appearance, gestures. "Pastor Bill" was not unique in looks, his balding head glowed as did his smile which by the way was rare. His handshake was firm and confident. After I wrote him a check for $25.00 which I sensed he was hesitant to take, (which I credit to my haggard appearance), he said,"if you need me to come by and show you how to operate it let me know, anytime." His wife came out and handed me a grill mat to which the two of them conversed about whether I needed or not and if there was even one left in the package."Cindy" replied that there was one in the package and even if there wasn't that I would probably like to know what they were. I responded,"yeah Id like to use those." not knowing at all what they were talking about. "Pastor Bill" carried the grill to my site placing it out of tripping range.

Then Mr. Hilarious began hawking his wares, model airplane parts(the real ones that actually fly), I saw the Mrs, Ex-pat, put out some plates, glass plates. Normal dining, not the red plastic, "Dollar Store," made in China plates that my food often slid off of onto the ground. Then she looked at me and said with her confusing, British, Canadian, English,"Free." I rushed over. "Keep the birds from Shi__ting on your roof," Mr. Hilarious called to the passing golf carts, showing off his plastic owl for $5.00.
I indicated I wanted the "free" China. "it would be so nice to eat on real plates," I said. Thus began our daily check-ins with some of the kindest and gracious people I'd ever met.

It wasn't until much later did I use the grill. Probably would not have used it at all had Mr. Hilariousnesst pushed me past my hesitation, becoming a go-between, Finally, Pastor Bill came over and said,"I heard you needed me to help you light the grill." Bewildered I stammered, "Oh sure, how about tomorrow evening?" he said,"Ok, just come and get me." I later realized it was Mr. Hilariousness who initiated this.
Now I'm a pretty easy going person and therefore the manipulation didn't bother me so much. Pastor Bill became a familiar person to me, especially after I scorched him the first time we lit the grill.
I made a special trip to Albertsons for steaks but came home with ribs and I still did not go and get the pastor to help me. The little grill sat on the ground beside the door, its black plastic cover stating it was a "WEBER" blaring at me each time I went in or came out. Finally... I went over after I tried to light it. My fear, unveiled as propane tank trepidation, plastic lighters, and fire,, vivid memories of a former life when I opened a grill and poof gone were my eyebrows! Besides I had someone to help me overcome my fears of fire and he was as close to God as they come being a Pastor. How could I not get this done?
I walked the 20 feet to the door of the big RV and knocked, the screen was shut but the door was open and I could see some feet in a recliner, as my eyes adjusted I saw Pastor Bill with his eyes closed in that recliner. His wife Cindy's feet appeared as she descended the few stairs to the door. I said quietly,"light the grill?" She smiled and called to him, he quickly answered,"I'll be right over."
He talked me through it, Of course, I heard nothing and he hit the electronic ignitor; POOF!! he jumped back as the flame jumped high into the air sending the grill mat flying. "Crap!" I said, apologizing profusely realizing the fire had scorched the hair on his arm. Of course, I had stupidly fiddled with it all before I went for help and left the gas on. He quickly denied any harm done and schooled me on lighting the damn thing and made a fast exit.
My guilt plagued me, each day. I went out of my way to greet this man anytime I saw him at the Post Office where I worked or in passing. I met Cindy, his wife, in the laundry mat and we spoke of her life and I poured out mine easily just because I knew it was her job to listen. Hoping I could be some kind of a friend rather than just another needy church person searching for wisdom or prestige from a pastor's wife.
(Having been the best friend of a pastors wife, therefore, I was privy to her unique position.)

Last night I watched a VLOG I follow called "Long ,Long, Honeymoon. "http://longlonghoneymoon.com/ and learned the value my Patio Sale treasure. My $25.00 grill, "that I needed," has taken up residence off my deck in my side yard, on a plastic table. Its name "Weber" proudly announcing the many steaks and ribs and chicken grills we have enjoyed. Each time it "poofs "sending its 3rd grill matt into the air slightly, I remember with reluctance the day I almost killed myself and a man of God... I pray that incident will be merely a vague memory of his if he ever remembers me at all.

"Holy Grill"

JUST ADD BEER

2017-11-29T13:50:00.000-08:00

AND then there was Beer.. (Google Images, 2017)

It was my first party here at the resort. The food was awful but I don't like smoke flavoring anyway (Brisket) , It wasn't as if the beef had been roasting for days or hours I am sure it had been flung together quickly and the flavoring poured over the top. But who knows?? Who cares? just add beer. The dinner was complementary to welcome the managers back for the season. The beer was .25 a glass. Pitchers of beer lined tables that had been taken since 1:00 PM while the party was still just being set up to begin at 3:00. Jackets, purses, hats and strategically posted friends watched rows and tables of empty chairs ready to announce,"that's taken." On one occasion I hovered too long around a table out of the sun, waiting on my mother to join me, as one of these watch dogs poised to attack, I saw the words on her lips, leaning forward on her chair, but I kept walking. Found 4 nice seats at the bar, why not? Padded comfortable, I laid out the sweater I had brought, then I sat down to watch over my "taken seats."

GETTING SET UP

2017-11-14T12:55:00.001-08:00

"So Here We Are" (Google Images 2017)

Its quiet, the wheels are chalked, the stabilizing jacks are down, the propane is on, the sewer is hooked up, the water is on, the patio rug is out, the awning is deployed, the dog is in her bed.

We are planning dinner and trying to figure out if we are grilling or eating in and the ranger pulls up and asks us to change spots!

Apparently, that one is reserved and he forgot to put a slip on the spot. OMG!!! Count to ten, remain calm its just another error in a comedy of errors. No need to get upset it happens more than not. I have actually begun to expect mistakes. My sandwiches are cold when they are ordered hot, my eggs are overcooked, my pizza was blackened, ?? what? the latest craze, burned food? Dirty tables, inept sales persons, crazy drivers, and then camping to get away from it all and getting more of the same...

We are in a resort now with several pools, a restaurant all kinds of activities, and we have been setting up for a week. The sun comes into our spot and shines all day on our patio despite the awning. Had to solve that. No Internet as for some reason the parks is merely a hot spot and even though we are right close to the antennae we get nothing. (Never had that happen before.)

One must have a ticket to go to an event even if its not a performance for example, I have to have a ticket to make a bracelet aside from signing up...and if I don't have my name tag I am sol. There's a card for doing laundry as one cannot pay cash due to something with Canadians. However, there is a coin laundromat on premises but I cannot get quarters. Went to Albertson's down the street and they had to sell me a complete roll. Ate in the grill yesterday and was privy to a conversation about how the food service ends at 1:30 and no more orders could be taken because it was after 1:30 although the people had been seated around 1:15. I heard them say, "We like people to sit near the bar and not out in the tables," Who knew? So the waiter doesn't wait on them? Then tells them they cannot get food. Finally a manager comes out and tells them its OK and takes their order himself.

They had a farmers market/craft sale yesterday and I had to park down the block as the vendors from outside the community park in the closest spots leaving none for the visitors who don't bike or golf cart in.

I was swimming in the evening and parked my vehicle outside the gates where one is supposed to park. While I was swimming someone came and locked me in. I had to walk all the way around the building to get out and to my car. Who knew?

Airplanes fly over at night as the flight plans change for some reason around 8 p.m. Who knew?

For the second time I tried to do my laundry and they are working on the water system and at the same time they have blocked off the roadway nearby. Who knew?

Mom has the ability to go with the flow, for now, which is strange. Usually she is the first to have a fit and complain. Therefore, I must accommodate whatever.

However, next year I'm going to Yosemite.

AMERICAN ROAD ADVENTURER

2017-10-26T10:32:00.004-07:00

Google Images 2017

Hello beautiful friends and family... and possibly those of you who have stumbled upon my unique and interesting Blog.

It is no secret to you that I follow many blogs and Podcasts. I also enjoy Vlogs on YouTube. Depending on what I am into I try to gather as much information as I can to supplement my interests. I am really enjoying a Vlog called Long, Long Honeymoon on YouTube. The Vlog features a couple named Shaun and Christie Michael who have an Airstream RV and they travel all over the country. http://longlonghoneymoon.com & YouTubehttps://www.youtube.com/watch? v=kzIET2FrnW4 and if you really enjoy the info (it’s awesome!) you can support them at: https://www.patreon.com/longlonghoneymoon

I found this couple to be authentic and fun loving and Kristy doesn’t mind letting us see that she is also beautiful without her makeup. (Inside Camping Joke), Shaun is able to cover the different aspects of the products they represent, and their travels, in a way that appeals to “we” analytical types, who need to know why? “Loloho,” discusses a variety of topics from the best hats to sport, campgrounds for wildlife viewing, to equipment for your RV. I really appreciate how to do this and that (skills) and loved the "Top 5" Favorite Places to RV Camp in the USA.

I have learned how to “Swoop” (a RV parking maneuver), how to hook up RV to FHU and where I can get Blueberry Beer. Having hauled horses around for many years in a fully-loaded, 4-horse steel Tallboy, towing with an F150, 4x4, and earlier camping experiences with a StarCraft pop-up tent camper towing with a Chevy Astrovan, I do have some experience. However, as of late I have developed a little more caution due to having matured and realized that there is much more involved than jumping in and “gettin er done.” Those of you who know me understand this aspect of my personality.

Adding my mother to the quotient, who feels she has to giving her 2 cents to everything; driving an RV has changed its dynamics for me.

Also, she being reactionary there are often sounds, such as: sighing, moaning and that sucking in noise that one never gets used to, what’s that called? Alarm, Silent Screaming? Or Muffled agony?

Google Images, 2017

We are currently working on the walkie-talkie parking thing. The dialogue follows this route: Me head out window, “mom, mom, MOM! Push in the button on the side, then talk.” I say. “Ok, I understand now,” she says. The radio crackles in the cab of the RV, and then it goes silent. Sticking my head out again, I say, “mom hold the button in while talking. “Ok “ I hear the radio crackle to life again and hear her mumble, “So bossy that kid.”

“Go really slow,” has taken on a new meaning for me (Loloho, expression).

I love my mom. Before I moved in with her to help after my stepfather passed away. I was under the illusion I had great patience. The key word there is “Illusion”

When I was doing the daily grind before I was forced into early retirement by a bad knee and a back injury I lived in another part of the country from my mom raising a family. Therefore, our time was limited to visits. She and my Stepdad would come to me in their Monaco Dynasty towing a Ford explorer. Before hand negotiating a parking spot for them to park with my with a neighbor.

On one occasion I was standing out in front, waiting for them on the cell phone, I saw them coming up the street. Mom said, “I see you”. Expecting them to slow down and stop at least, they zipped right on by.

Now I kid you not, when that 45’ of RV towing the Explorer went by me he was doing about 35 and not slowing down, the wind action not only sucked me in but made my clothing and hair fly like I was in a tornado! I had to feel myself afterwards to see if I was still alive.

Google Images 2017

The RV came to an abrupt halt at the corner and I heard my mom yelling at my stepdad, “you passed her!” This incident became a humorous story in our family that It was embellished differently at each telling.

RV’S, probably enhance our lives beyond our own understanding. Everyone camps now. Driving around town I can count at least 10 RVs at any given time of the year. Every other house has an RV parked in the yard. My latest travel aspiration is to go to Arizona.

The State we know as Arizona, comes from the Aztec word "Arizuma," this means Silver bearing. Therefore, Arizona is not only worth its weight in Silver (one of most precious metals in the world, second only to Gold). Arizona is known as the Grand Canyon State and is one of the most popular destinations for RVer’s on the West Coast.

Why do I single out Arizona? Having driven through many times on my way elsewhere, this will be my next vacation destination, so I am studying up. A Video Coffee Table Book Arizona - State of Wonder was a good start; this 1 ½ hr. video depicts the state with beautiful images taken in some of the most unique parks in Arizona. Including the Grand Canyon. Put out by Digital Video Destinations in 2009 it can be seen or purchased at Amazon.com. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B002QHUTRO,

I hear the sunrises and sunsets are legendary, and the Saguaro is alive and well living in a National Park, a forest of Cacti! (Momentary silence please while we absorb that concept). AND, the Arizona Cardinals practice football, not politics. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tr6eA4wO8k

Be Happy and keep coming back to Homeontheweekends.com for updates.

https://www.50states.com/facts/arizona.htm Cited: 10/24/2017. (2017)

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SOWING AND REAPING

2017-10-19T14:32:00.002-07:00

Google Images 2017

It seems like Pedophiles and sex abusers are everywhere. Deviant thinking and filth have become the norm. It dominates the airwaves and we have to hear about people that get caught up in those lifestyles every day. Crimes against women and children and the elderly have increased, and animal abuse its a war being fought all over the globe.

Honestly, I appreciate the people in Hollywood finally getting what they deserve. We are seeing a Biblical ideology called reaping and sowing in action. As in *Luke 8:17, For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known, or illuminated. Its kind of refreshing to see the accused squirm as one and then another of the compromised emboldened to publicly tell their tales of being groomed and then exploited and abused in their attempt to become an actor or actress.

The biggest consequence of the influence of Hollywood is the moral degradation of our society played out on the screen in the name of freedom of speech and treated as if it were the normal life. I believe Hollywood has contributed if not heralded the demise of the moral structure of this country. That said, I believe we are seeing just the tip of the iceberg. For instance, Great Britain who recently revealed a whole den of pedophiles in politics, and their own entertainment industry. It began when they found out an already dead entertainer, a radio personality named; Jimmy Savile, had been abusing children for 60 years! Sex rings and human trafficking was uncovered throughout the United Kingdom. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Savile)

Even now in our own country "Pizza Gate", http://thehill.com/homenews/media/330510-writer-who-pushed-pizzagate-conspiracy-theory-says-he-has-white-house-press I do not doubt its truth in any way. With the suspected abuses reaching to modern-day candidates and political figures.

I have decided to write about this because its been a growing problem in this country the USA as well, many people are finding the strength to accuse their abusers and I wanted to mention my point of view on the whole thing.

It's nothing unusual. It is called sin. In fact its a sin against one's own body. By including a child in the act one is performing a terrible sin against God and yourself and the child. This kind of a sin is expressly abhorrent because it has a victim that is affected all of their lives. Women and men who have been sexually abused have difficulty with love. They often do not find healthy relationships all of their lives. Being in the mental health profession myself I have found a pattern amongst most of those that I have counseled. The abused child doesn't relate to sex in a normal healthy way. Often they are unable to express their own needs in a healthy manner towards others. I was trained to believe that abusers often become abusers themselves although, I do not find that true. I find that those abused try harder to find sexual normalcy than those that become predators after they themselves have been prey.
I have also been able to say that when people come out and debate the age of consent and what is true innocence are walking in a realm of theorizing and validating wrongful acts.

They do not understand that a child is not sexual. The age of consent is when a child is grown and sexually mature, chooses a mate and becomes free to express their feelings in a monogamous relationship. Defending illicit sexual acts by theorizing the validity of age and maturity is wrong.

Having been a foster parent for a few years one sees a lot. What adults do to children. It's like having a puppy and one teaches the puppy how to adapt to the family lifestyle. Its taught to live indoors, potty outside, sit and speak, walk on a leash, and where to sleep. Children would come to my home sometimes in the middle of the night having just been removed from their parents, They're always hostile unless they were the whistleblower, and even then they are sad because the consequence of their actions is being realized. Most are not normal children that smile or play or even have manners. They were someones blank slate and that person abused and often neglected them. I gave up foster parenting after my own son was supposedly abused, by a foster child I had in my home. The agency I was working for took in a child that had not been fully investigated and I did not get his file, it was a temporary situation and he was supposed to be gone after a few hours.
A few hours turned into a few days and then a few weeks. All the while, I had a young boy, 8 years old in my home that had abused and beaten his little sister. I knew that much. The agency divulged his story in a counseling session where he claimed to have touched my little son. It was a lie of course. I did not allow my son to be alone with any of the children I had in my home.

Then the agency required my son have to counsel for this event. I considered this ridiculousness. I was shocked and embarrassed to have been working for such fools and I gave up the license. I later requested my file under the freedom of information act and it arrived covered with black marker strikeouts.
I was able to make out a few accusations from foster children that I did not even have in my home. Later in the documents, the accusations were stated to be unfounded. Yet, I was never told of any of this. There was never an incident inquiry, no one called me and yet they put those lies in my file.
They really do not care about the children. They are for the most part intent on protecting themselves. Every case manager I associated with had bad attitudes and could not follow through with their duties. Where I live, I saw in the paper that a manager of the entire child protective services was put into jail for abusing his wife. It was hushed up and buried. Later I heard his name again and he had not even been demoted.

Why not? Just the stigma of such a thing should have caused his firing. I was told when I inquired that it is very difficult to fire a state employee. I have deemed that agency a branch of evil and I will not work with them anymore. I warn other foster parents, now that I am a professional counselor, not to have anything to do with the child protective services. Sure, it's sad, yet until someone who has the authority to take apart those agencies and root out their bad practices, the foster care systems should become as archaic as the mental health institutions of old.

google Images 2017

Back to Hollywood, I don't believe that Michael Jackson abused children. He loved children. I believe that everything they found at his Never Land Ranch was planted.
Was Micheal Jackson molested and abused in the music industry? You can bet he was. It is a culture.

Already many of the long-dead actors and actresses have had their accusers come out with stories of situations where another actor, director, or producer, took advantage of them as child actors and actresses. Not all of them had the guts Jody Foster had to punch someone who touched her inappropriately in the nose.
However, many of that generation of actors and actresses abusers are still alive and that actor or actress is still making their living from acting... Yet I ask, whom best but they?

It's a shame that child actors who are now dead did not have a chance to tell their sordid tales. I often think as I watch child actors that grew up in Hollywood, their parents shoved aside as they are taught by tutors and working outside the child labor laws for hours and hours. Up before dawn and allowed to sleep only after it is a wrap. The churning pace of the treadmill of Hollywood, so that we can be entertained. Studios rolling in the cash through exploitation without bounds. The carnage evident throughout the cemeteries in Los Angeles. Suicides are prolific, sordid tales of alcohol and drug abuse. It is rare an actor is allowed to be truly successful and have a long and illustrious career. Now we have to ask: who did they step on to be there? Its always written off as depression. Often the question is left hanging in the air. Yes, say it," why would someone so successful and beautiful kill themselves, it must be a disease." No, its a culture of abuse, and exploitation. They are used up and then thrown away.

Marilyn Monroe is an example of this. Weak and vulnerable, we women know the type some of us are the type. Brought up to believe that we must have a man in our lives to validate our worth. Those times have passed. Equality is almost the norm, sure there are male-dominated occupations, and sexual harassment on the job is prolific. Life can be fully realized without the validation or love of the opposite sex.

Recently I was able to voice my "# Me Too" to my friends and family as this shout out goes viral.

I was sexually harassed at work. This especially poignant as I was a single mom trying to support 3 children after a divorce. A young mom working in a mostly male field, I had a trade. I was not an educated professional at the time yet, that doesn't lessen the situations.
The harassment came from older men. Usually, over 40 who were married and had different ideas about women in the workplace. Most of the time it was insulting but harmless, I had to develop a thick skin. Then one day after a harrowing week of multiple comments where the men would walk by and say to me,"quit." at the end of that day I found a Kleenex soaked with sperm in my personal space. I went right to the supervisor which now I regret, he was also older and did as expected, covered for them. I felt like I was in a catch 22. As it was my word against theirs. I felt I had to toughen up, especially after a female co-worker reacted by saying "whats wrong with a little chubby?" I sat shocked at her reaction. "This is my workplace. I am a professional and what the hell does something like that mean anyway?' it's disgusting." I replied. She said, it means someone likes you," and she laughed.
I was dumbfounded. I fought being ashamed and concluded it was not my fault I was not the one that was strange. I have raised that a man respected a woman. I was used to Godley men who cherished their wives and here I was being exposed to basically animals. It's a strange feeling, to be treated that way. One doesn't have a frame of reference to react. At least I didn't.

I began to obsess a bit about it, watching people come and go, suspecting them. I had to develop a separatist mentality, I stopped socializing with any of my co-workers. especially the men I did not engage in any conversation of any kind unless it pertained to the job. I did my job despite them in an exemplary manner, clocked out and went home. I prayed each day in my car before I went to work and made sure that everything I did carried a clear message to them. "Stay away from me." I did that job for 7 years before

Now that I am older I am wiser and would have reacted differently.What happened to me was a crime. What I should have done was go above the authority of my supervisor (who was not receptive to my reports of harassment,) and then onto making a report to the police.
I now know its workplace harassment. I was a victim of not only workplace harassment but direct sexual harassment.
Hollywood has many Harvey Weinstein's, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/10/16/me-too-alyssa-milano-urged-assault-victims-to-tweet-in-solidarity-the-response-was-massive/?utm_term=.18546aa7ef58

Hollywoods Harvey doesn't know how to relate to women in a respectful manner, and it goes deeper than that, Harvey has done the big NO NO, he has utilized his position to exploit women for sex. However, he finally got caught. A woman that had the dignity, and self-respect, a woman who knew right from wrong had the courage to say, "Hey that's wrong!"

This is not a new situation, how many women have found themselves in that position or mine? Wake up! Make others accountable for their acts, have the courage to do what I should have. Let us all shine a light on that darkness, don't keep their secrets, don't tell lies, just tell the truth until someone listens.

# ME TOO #WHO TERRORIZED YOU? #WHO ABUSED YOU

Keep the dialogue going, Let's initiate the reaping.

LISTEN

2017-10-13T13:17:00.003-07:00

I Am a Podcast Junkie, listening to Podcast for several years now. Podcasts have become a source of information I cannot find elsewhere. Many are public radio from other states covering topics from the paranormal to how things operate, successful business practises, cooking and gardening as well as relationship issues.

Recently one of my Favorites,"The Confessionals," had witnesses on the show who had been in Las Vegas during the recent shootings and have given testimony of events that are far different from what the mainstream media is reporting. Both of the guests showcased during the cast had actually been there at the time and had first hand experiences to relate. I found these eye-witness reports believable and poignant. Have a listen.
The Confessionals, Ep #38 https://www.theconfessionalspodcast.com/theconfessionals/

If you do not have a Podcaster Application, I have listed below a couple websites that review the best out here for your phones.

I have my favorites and I wanted to share them with you:

"This American Life@ https://www.thisamericanlife.org

Sasquatch Chronicles,Dog Man Encounters Radio, Bigfoot Eyewitness Radio,Criminal, How I built This,99% Invisible,The Mortified Podcast,The Memory Palace, Unexplained, and Lore."

A Kudos to Lore as they have been picked up by Amazon Prime and is premiering as a TV series.

There is an amazing variety of casts(terminology).

A cast can be accessed by searching in your podcast application for shows you are interested in by subject or name.

That also goes for those of you who have other than an iPhone.

Radio is alive and well through Podcasting.

One can support your favorite show by becoming a premium subscriber, and for a few dollars a month can get casts that are in-between the regularly scheduled shows. These extras are only available to premium subscribers, and cover special subjects and introduce special guests introduce special guests.

Keep in mind that most of the time, unless you are listening to say;"This American Life,"(Which is funded by "Chicago Public Media") the casts are not fully funded.Therefore,these folks being everyday people, appreciate your support.

If you still don't know what a Podcast is and if you have an iPhone its the "i" symbol with the halos around it.

Google Images 2017

Best PODCAST Ap for iPhonebest-podcast-app-iphone-outcast-pocket-casts-castro and for Android https://www.techjunkie.com/best-podcast-apps-android/

This avid listener is hoping everyone will download a Pod casting Application,find something that interests you and join the conversation.

BROTHERS AND SISTERS

2017-10-05T12:12:00.001-07:00

(Google Images, 2017)

Most of us have a sibling. Worldwide statistics tell us that the average American woman is having a total of 1.87 children. (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2127.html), Yikes! how is that happening? I suppose it is, if I remember correctly from statistics class: one woman may have 3 children, another 4 and the third only 1 and that averages out to 1.87 children based on the population of United States and women of child bearing age.
Well my mom had 2 children, I have a little brother.
We are adults now and he has made some choices in his life that have shocked us all. As a mother myself, I understand the process of raising a child and hoping and praying they will make correct choices, and sorrowing each decision that you know will lead to disaster. That's what being a parent is all about. It's a huge ordeal. I always laugh when people offhandedly comment, " They had children for themselves."

Of course there is great joy with being parenting. However, there is also great pain.

I know I am a better person because I had children and I gained great character due to the situations and scenarios that parenting puts one in. Being a responsible person I stepped up to parenting with the idea that no one else would love my children as I do, therefore I am the best candidate to make sure they are launched as well rounded successful adults.

Over the years I have had the opportunity to examine my own relationships in life and reflect upon the mistakes I have made, some with my brother. I should have been a better sister to him. I know my parents had a lot to do with the way my brother and I got along. They worked, left us alone, me being older I was often the babysitter, he was hyperactive and constantly busy, and routinely did not obey me.
I was the older one, the one expected to set and example and thus reaped the blame when things went wrong. Sometimes he was not to blame and other times he was. However, I feel guilty at how the wrath of mom was exacted out on him instead of me who was at times truly the guilty party. I told myself that he did get away with things making it easier to hide behind the door while he got spanked for something I instigated.

As a family at Christmas time we traditionally watch "A Christmas Story "The plot revolves around Peter Billingsley acting out his Christmas wish of getting a BB gun.  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085334/fullcredits

During the part where Ralphie says the F word then blames his buddy Schwartz, the guilt sets in. Further, Ralph's' mother (played by Melinda Dillion), calls Mrs. Schwartz on the phone and one can hear poor Schwatzie getting an unexpected beating for influencing Ralph's speech. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KjxFDGFKhk,

As we age I don't feel so much guilt. I have found our childhoods similar to many that were raised in our generation. I also understand it was our parents responsibility to govern the situations they put us into considering our ages, personalities and individual temperaments. As I mentioned, It was often my responsibility to babysit, when I simply wasn't mature enough to do so. My brother performed behaviors such as disappearing at night!, confrontations with neighbor boys, and fighting with the girls next store that often fueled our clashes.  On one occasion our tit for that got so out of hand that he punched his hand through a plate glass window, laying out the skin to the bone on his knuckle. The neighbors took him to the hospital. Of course I was punished.


In my sophomore year of high school, we moved from California to the NW, renting while the folks decided where they wanted to buy. Eventually buying a home out of the school district I had already begun to attend in. I was faced with changing schools, again. Having already made friends, (that in itself being a feat being the kid that was dragged across the map due to the circumstances surrounding our parents occupations), I chose to ride my bike to the bus stop so I could continue where I was.

On one of many occasions it was raining. It was actually pouring rain. My routine was change at school before class. I would arrive to the bus stop soaked to the skin and dry out on the ride to school. It was draining, not to mention ruined my early romance possibilities rocking that stringy wet hair. When I complained, My mother always chimed a tune that went like this "you wanted to ride your bike to that school! Its your choice." (as if she was faultless) On that occasion dreading the dark and rainy ride, arriving at school soaked again, I begged my mom to get up and take me. I watched the time until none was to spare, her final word was putting her pillow over her head. As I was riding up the long hill that our home was below, I saw my brother in the distance delivering his papers, (he had a paper route at 10! ) On that part of the hill I had to push my bike as it was too steep to ride it. The rain was coming down in sheets and I was already wet, my jeans becoming dead weight.
I then heard the sound of a car and began to move over to the side farther, looking I saw my mothers car struggling up the hill its diesel engine whining. I thought,"what a great mom, she really does love me." (or something like that). When the car arrived at me it stopped and I moved towards it expecting to put my bike in the trunk, however, she got out and beat the living daylights out of me, got back in , turned the car around and went back down the hill."
That's all I remember, the rest of the story was witnessed by my brother, who for the first time hinted at a bit of compassion for me. He picks it up,"Yeah I remember mom coming up the hill, I saw her get out and wail on you, you were on the ground and your bike was all crashed to the side,(he chuckles)." "You were kind of laying on it you didn't get up Mom turned the car around and went back down the hill. I thought, what did she do this time? You finally got back up and kept going, when you passed me you didn't say anything at all, I don't think you even saw me." I probably didn't.

He hinted at his opinion, that I was a difficult child, I saw a chance to remind him of his escapades. It levels the playing field, especially when our mom is present for those conversations. She always says the same things, "I don't remember that" and as she gets older,"I am sorry for that."

Being a parent who rarely spanked, I understand her emotions. Using spanking as discipline hurts the parent also. It just doesn't seem right to raise a hand to a innocent child no matter what they have done. However, I did it, on occasion when nothing else worked. It's the spanking in anger to allow a child to make you angry, its wrong. I fought that when I was a parent. Learning to distinguish between disciplining in anger or being calm and loving, yet firm, by providing guidance through discipline. Being a student of child rearing I had a bevy of techniques. Being a good parent interested me to the extent I became employed professionally as a foster parent. Often these children took behavior management medications and were one step away from an institution. I learned about attachment disorders and attention deficit and multiple personality disorders and depression and a myriad of problems that abused and neglected children suffer with. I began to see myself in some of these kids, gaining a whole new respect for my own parents. They never gave up on us, or sent us away. Sure my issues were because of their lack of child rearing skills, I don't think my mom had a class or even read a book, until she joined me at a foster parenting training course.
She was also that generation: the ones that had a bar in the basement, cocktails after work in front of the fireplace, wine at dinner, and nightcaps.
On weekends we went to the Yacht Club. The folks, they danced and drank. I smoked pot, in a dress, on boats, with other forgotten teens. It was their way, their lives were most important, we kids were merely ornaments. A kind of a tribute to their fertility or a tradition they adhered to.

Our parents were slightly younger than the generation that said,"Children were to be seen and not heard." That was their parenting example. Our step-dad was raised in the latter part of the depression, so there was a lot of frugality that hung on. Mom was quite a bit younger than he.

Psychologically I believe our step-dad was done with raising kids when he met and our married mom. He had already raised 2 twin daughters and was just not much of father to us. His only desire was our mother, that was a fact, that he often made very clear.

He loved his twins dearly but all that we got was the back of his hand.

As with most step-dads he wasn't all bad, he bought me a guitar, it was a "classic". Very unlike the guitars most of my friends played, "it could be electric too!" he said. The electric bar was crudely carved out and misshapen making this already monolithic piece of wood an embarrassment to an already out of sorts 13 year old. When I tried to play it dwarfed me, all one could see was a head peeking above, and two little arms straining at the strings. He'd get a few cocktails in him and call for me to play, my mom rescuing me by drowning me out with a massive classical concerto to my John Denver impression. On the last strains of "Rocky Mountain High" came  the great intro of "Rachmaninoff Piano Concerto No.2 in C Minor Opus 18," and I would slip away unscathed.

My brother had his problems too. When it wasn't me who was home and the center of the tempest it was he. I arrived home one evening to an already ongoing event; our Step-dad was chasing our mother with a belt cornering her in the bedroom and my brother was holding him off with a golf club. The marriage disintegrated after that. Another step-dad came along yet, I was already gone to college and married. Mom moved again leaving the tumult of the past behind.
Happily I have my own family now and we have our own stuff to reminisces about. Brother and sisters smile and hug.

THOUGH THERE BE GIANTS IN THE LAND

2017-09-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

"Greater Love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for a friend." John 15:13

For reasons not of my own doing I became involved in something I could not understand yet it demanded of me my ultimate character. It was something I could not run to my mom for help with, I could not ask advice of anyone in an intelligent manner, without revealing too much...I was on my own.

I saw things that caused me to live in a world where I had to straddle the proverbial ditch. Yet, I did it because it was necessary as the consequences were too great to only concern myself with me.

An old movie with Robert Redford and Woody Harrelson comes to mind: "Indecent Proposal," In this movie a young couple had a choice to make and it concerned something that fully engaged their character and beliefs with the reward of money. We all know who saw that movie what happened as what was betrayed in-the film was something priceless and could not be replaced by cold hard cash.

Many films are made that focus on these kinds of dilemmas. The favorites seem to be the end of the world and the sacrifices of someone whose outside life isn't really all that profound but in the end they do something that is felt around the world, they save the world.

Most of us do not think of ourselves as being in a situation like that and over our modern lives where every need can be met we do not have the chance to have that part of us challenged.

War has always been place of challenge where peoples fortitudes are tested. Those who participate find out if they possess courage, stamina, endurance, to preform the acts most of us will never be called upon to do. Relationships are forged that last a lifetime as they are tried on the battlefield. No one really knows what happens there, only they that are involved understand. The lessons are profound and a warrior is left without anything to compare it to in normal life therefore, the events are internal and incommunicable. We can only extend our gratitude as recipients with clay feet.

How often I hear the term "Hero" thrown around without any understanding of what someone really did sacrifice. Yet, one can witness it on the face of the individual, a person can sense if that individual truly is a hero. I often stop and think, what did they sacrifice? What did they do that cost them something?

I remember Jesus Christ the author of the word hero, he laid down his life so that all of mankind could have eternal life and not face the wrath of an angry God.

"Jesus is the author and finished of my faith," (Hebrews: 12:2,King James)

"Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

I have suffered the strain of allowing myself to be shamed, to not have a voice, and like the verse mentions, I hate it, I despise enduring it and those that bring it upon me. Sometimes I don't care and its easy to be the loner as my reward is in heaven. What I endure here on this blue marble rotating in a void of black is nothing in the end . Sometimes I go to bed at night and feel sorry for myself, would things have been better had I behaved differently? Given in, said yes to the world of the indecent proposals, character compromising circumstances, chickened out, ran in the face of danger, allowed others to take the consequences. All the times I said, "the buck stops here." I know my life would have been different but it would not have mattered as in the movie I would have sacrificed that which was most important and would have had to live with the knowledge of that. Life is temporal, eternity is with my Heavenly Father which I know beyond a shadow of a doubt loves and honors me for my sacrifices. "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"(Mark 8:36).

Have you ever had a situation in your own life that challenged your very being, questioned your moral fiber, that asked something of you that was out of the question? Have you taken a stand in your life and been ridiculed, or shamed? What have you sacrificed? These questions open a plethora of quandaries as for many our lives are lived out as Thoreau stated," The Mass of men lead their lives of quiet desperation, and go to the grave-with their song still in them." (Walden, by Henry David Thoreau)

(Image 2017 google images)

HUNGER

2017-09-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

(GOOGLE IMAGES 2017)

Mom and I have been traveling around. Before the weather here sets in, day after day of rain. Don’t get me wrong; I think the rain is what sets this place apart from other parts of the country. It rains incessantly and the ground merely soaks it up. For a while, about 2 hours after the rain stops, it sits like a lake in the drive until the sand opens up and sucks it down like everything else. I am not complaining, as it is beautiful here, trees and birds and green undergrowth.

We also live on the water. I have grown up in homes with view windows either looking to the water or a pastoral of some sort. A few times I have lived in homes where I had to look at 4 walls;only walls, or the street It makes someone like me feel closed in.

When I was first married my husband and I rented a little house on a hill that had one large window. It did look at the water from way back yet had an expansiveness as it was on a hilltop. Yet the rest of the windows were small and the house was so old the wires in the dug out dirt garage had fabric covers on them. It was a dangerous place.

I awoke one day to a fire flaming above my head. The wall plug was old fashioned and would not handle the 220 draw of a waterbed heater. I was screaming as I recall, yet still beating the flame out with my pillow. After that we moved. We bought a little single wide down the hill on its own land. I could not see myself in a park. It was even hard in those days to buy a manufactured home. (Stigma)

However, we wanted our own place, like most newly weds do. It wasn’t long after that my husband lost his job,and we were picking up aluminum cans to buy food and make our house payment.

My story continues, my mom and I went to Oregon this time and while traveling we stopped before having lunch at a rest stop. She got out of the car in ahead of me and we walked down the path to the ladies room.

Then we saw a young man sitting beside the walk with a sign that read, “Hungry and Homeless,” written in a black crayon. Mom asked him questions about why he felt he was there and discussed his homelessness and I went on around her to the ladies room, as I had to go NOW!! (Dam coffee…)

I relieved myself and went back to the car on my way past I volunteered my lunch to that same young man and he said yes he would have it. I walked on back to the car for it. Mom passed me as I was giving him his lunch. We walked together to the car and went on our way to adventure.

By the way, we ended up being caught in traffic the likes of which I'd never seen in a very long time. Some adventure:
We sat and sat in the car for hours until we almost ran out of gas. It was madness.

Finally we found a fueling station in the middle of the tattoo and purple hair town we had to pay 3.50 a gallon for regular!!

This baby faced gas pumper, half shaven tattooed boy declared, “we are the most expensive place in town.”

Again, trying not to run over a papa smurf with blue hair, I gun the gas to resume a place in line.

Mom turns to me and said, "That was nice of you to give that young man your lunch.I prayed the sinners prayer with him and he accepted Christ into his heart.” “What! How could you have done that? When did you do that? I was just in the bathroom for a minute,”I said.

She smiled.

At that moment my respect for my mother soared to new heights. All I had done was give my lunch to a hungry soul, whereas my mother gave him the bread of life.

CHILD ABUSE

2017-08-30T14:36:00.000-07:00

Google Images 2017

So they don't all look like her! Some are older, some are ugly some are pretty, some are frumpy and poor and some are obviously more well heeled. But they all share the same heritage, they are child abusers.
I saw her, I was sitting in the van waiting on mom to get her painting supplies. She was older, mid- 60's, Overweight and hiding herself in larger clothing, her hair mussy making her appear to have no self-concern.

Walking beside her was a boy of about 10, he had his hand on the cart she was pushing, it was full of with Home Depot purchases. Then I saw her, she kicked him in the leg and he fell away from the cart in pain and began to cry. I was in shock momentarily. They walked to a van near us and she opened the sliding door and the boy still crying got in and sat down. Then she started to hit him, I saw her arm raise up through the window and she hit him again and again. I said to myself,"here is where what you believe takes a turn." I started our car and drove it over to the parking space next to their van, on the side where the door was open. I looked in and saw her still hitting him. Then she realized I was there, she began to make it look like she was picking up the junk on the floor.

I was parked so that I could see into their van perfectly. I could sense she was aware of me. she did not comfort the child as he cried big tears rolling down his chubby cheeks. I contemplated getting out and becoming involved more than I was at that point.

I left the motor running and took up a grocery flyer we had brought with us and pretended to be reading it. Sitting, determined, staying there. It wasn't hard. I was right and she was wrong. You don't hit a child like that, no reason warrants that kind of treatment.

My mother came out of the Home Depot and we loaded her stuff, about the same time a man came to that van. He was frowning and dark. Mom came to get into the car on their side and he looked over as he was speaking to the woman child abuser in the van. It appeared to me and my mother that he was speaking to her, in a kind voice she said,"excuse me, were you speaking to me?" He glared at her as a devil would and spat out,"I didn't say a thing to you lady," wiping his filthy hand on his mouth.
Mom and I stayed there in our van not even moving to allow for him to load his van from the side,(if that was their intention) they had to open the back. Mom and I had a little discussion about what I had just seen and why we were staying parked where we were. She asked if she should call 911. I told her they would be gone by the time an officer came. The boy at that point jumped out and joined the older man in loading a window they had purchased. Finally, it appeared everyone had calmed down and we drove off.

I felt anger and disgust all day. Watching that horrible person abuse that little boy.

I am a mother of 4 and I only once lost my temper like that. But I did not beat my child. I put the paddle in the wall instead.
The Bible tells us not to cause our children to wrath. I never understood that for a while. Yet now do. We cause our children to behave as they do even in the kinds of circumstances where they are little monsters. Parenting isn't something we get by osmosis. It is something we must learn.

With my first child, I did not have what it took naturally to be a loving parent, I was reverting to the kind of parent my own parents were to me and that wasn't good. My parents had been that baby-boomer generation fixated on themselves. They had the big house, fine cars and spent Friday nights at the club and Saturdays sailing. Instead of taking me school shopping I was handed a credit card.My mother had fur coats and they always had drinks after work by the fireside, wine at dinner and aperitifs after dinner and a nightcap. My relationship with my parents was basically to be seen and not heard.My stepfather had a lot of things that I could not touch. I did not even get my drivers license until I was 18 as there was no car they were willing to allow me to learn on. I was sent away for school soon after my 13th birthday. Although, I did attend high school locally I again left home for college.

I spent a lot of time at other kids houses that had parents who were more hands on. I knew early on if I had a family I did not want to be the same kind of parent my parents had modeled to me. However, I did go on to marry and to have a family of my own like most of us do.

Around the time I had child #2 It happened. That life changing moment and epiphany.

My mother who had come from out of town to help and had gone out of her way to do what grand mothers do. Spoil and dote on a family she rarely sees. Mom had been fixing pancakes everyday for child #1. Taking her places and buying her things, luncheons at McDonalds and happy meals galore, the toys scattered all over the floor, and bags and tissue cluttering the hallways. It was the day after gramma left. Daddy had gone back to work and I was on my own. Having been up all night with child #2, I had just fallen asleep about an hour before I heard the TV come on. Child #1 was up and beginning her day. Dad was gone already. I dragged my bleary eyed self out of bed and went into the kitchen and fixed the child graham crackers and milk. Of course she did not want that, "I want pancakes." She announced as she fell onto the floor for a tantrum, kicking the breakfast bar with her slippered feet.My Sleep depraved and barely coherent self contemplated,"certainly pancakes could wait until later, after I had some sleep or until daddy came home. The TV blared Sesame Street, crayons and color books were all over the floor next to the little happy meal goodies, and on the floor with them was this screaming kicking obviously disturbed and spoiled child.

I felt a rush of temper as I reached towards her saying,"no pancakes today!" Just then the phone rang, as I went for the phone the baby started to cry. I realized that I was going to have to retreat elsewhere because I was angry and tired and could have done something I would regret so I locked myself in the bathroom.

  There sitting in my nightgown at "O dark 30", baby crying, toddler screaming and kicking the furniture, phone ringing, what else could happen? The Gold Fish that had come to the front of their tank, (which by the way was in the bathroom for lack of space in a starter home.) to look at me sitting there. I began to laugh as their little lips spoke to me saying," What the heck woman? Laughing, and crying, at the same time?" Irony? The whole importance of the situation changed. I saw the humor in it all. I became a fish watching this silly lady, funny...or so at least the fish thought it was, their-little lips breathing in and out , their wide eyes fixated on me crying/laughing on the toilet seat.

Later that day I took action, I joined a parenting class at church and then a group called MOPS, Mother of Preschoolers.http://www.mops.org/?gclid=CjwKCAjwxJnNBRAMEiwA8X_-Qb_l4GqqxQRXaGICu6Mlnsp9N5SilxQFpgBeIY6VvJE4Nmm-vZBNVxoCM2sQAvD_BwE I was able once a month to get together with people of a like mind and learn how other people parented.
I changed and became what I wanted to see and who I wanted to be. I learned skills that I utilized to become a better parent. I made it my goal in life to become a good parent. I began to understand the importance of a child, having children, carrying on my own lineage.
I contemplated: that in this world even though I will surely live and die , despite my expertise in areas applicable to making money or changing the world, my children are my legacy. No one will remember who I was , like everyone else my name will be on a marker someplace with birth and death date engraved into marble. Yet, they will know me by what I left behind in my prodigy. Would I have stylized a monster? Like that young man who obviously hated himself, and his life, spatting at my little old mom some venomous words out of his hurting heart. Was he too beaten by his mother and father?
No, Parenting doesn't come naturally. Yes, it can be taught and learned. Yet, most of all, good parenting can be found in attitude. An attitude of love is what a good parent always has. Treat children with love as they are a gift from God. Love doesn't raise a hand in anger, love doesn't say terrible things to a child . Love looks the other way and comes back in kindness and concern. Love is selfless and doesn't press its own desires on another.
(1ST CORINTHIANS 13:4-8)https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8

Let us treat our children with respect and love, instead of reaching out a hand to strike a child let us reach out a hand to bring that child to us for a hug. Being kind and loving to that which is innocent, and uncorrupted may be the only joy we will get from this now evil, tainted, violent world.

ONCE A BULLY ALWAYS A BULLY

2017-07-18T12:32:00.001-07:00

(Picture compliments of Google Images, 2017.)

Have you ever lost your temper? Sure at some point in life everyone does. How it is expressed is different. Yet getting mad happens. I have been bullied on and off for years by various individuals. When I was living in Los Angeles and attending Los Angeles Public Schools, I was bullied everyday by a girl that was 5 times my size and had fists to match. I fortunately survived and again ran into this girl in high school. She did not even recognize me. I was very happy to act like she did not exist.
However, that was a long time ago. I won't say that I haven't met others that have taken pleasure in bullying me. I met a man in Jr. College who took great pleasure in rejecting me publicly in the halls on the way to a class. I later saw him as a police officer and had to laugh as he had no hair and a middle aged paunch. Life has its own revenge. I have begun to think that occupation attracts those kinds of people, and am a staunch supporter of periodic psychological reviews to weed this type of individual out of our nations police forces. Especially now with all the killing going on. I have watched "YouTube" Videos of live police chases where the police, on camera, shoot individuals with and without guns. Don't you think that there should be an alternative? I have a shock stick that delivers millions of volts to anyone and anything at the other end of it. However, My grandfather remembers a day when the police were trained to manage crisis scenes differently. Thinking about that takes some time yet, understanding the dynamics of our very violent society where our children cut their teeth on violent video games, what do we expect? Young men and women sit around and play these games for hours having binging sessions that sometimes last for days where the men pee in a bottle rather than take a break and go to the bathroom. Killers abound that we do not even hear their names anymore as they are caught convicted and sent away to join others like themselves in our overcrowded prisons. Many of are for-profit prisons. How does that work? Is it like the ambulance chasers? Where insurance agents have police scanners and rush to a fire or accident to sell the victims insurance? "Oh, Here comes the owner of Eastgate Prison," as he/she stands outside the courthouse handing out brochures for the facility.

I did not come here to speak to Crime and punishment as I said, I believe that somewhere down the line these kinds of people get what they have coming to them." I watched "Fargo" for 2 seasons. Of course everyone loved the original iconic movie where the saying, "ya,sure you-betta", put Minnesota on the map. I got a certain satisfaction when in part 1 in the series the bully got his come uppings.

I have had a sense of calm since I had a burst of temper recently when I chewed out a older woman at a weight loss organization I used to belong to, as she had come unglued at me and a new person I was trying to speak to.What I was doing was not her business. However, being her nasty, controlling self, she had to tell me that what and how I was dong it was wrong. Don't you hate those kinds of people? I will probably never forget her face as her turkey waddle under her chin shook in anger poring out her poison on me and the person I was speaking to. I later gave this person a ride home profusely apologizing, she could not stop saying,:"did you see her face so evil! "How can I forget? My reaction I am not sorry for, I blurted out, "you nasty Bitch!" She waved her hand at me and got up and left and her little minions went out behind her. 👹 Doing that felt so good I only wished others who have been bullied by her had the chance to feel that way.

I had a chance to apologize but I have not and will not. The woman has been bullying me and others for years. I only wish I had not been the person to give her her come uppings. I am sure that she will get what she has coming to her elsewhere too. Then I examined her life, she is a lonely , crusty old lady. She speaks her mind way too often and hurts people and drives them out of not only her life but the room at the time, I have seen people never come back and I have recently joined that group. No one likes her, but do you notice with those kinds of people, they think they are liked and will announce to everyone that so and so likes me, I know so and so and they say this... That's how I know as a Behavioral Health Professional that something is lacking in that persons life, how they tell you how smart their kids are, how they know so and so and how important they are, bla, bla, bla, then after they exude their comments they turn and say the same things to another. You might as well have been a wall. This in my field is called dysfunctional. So don't take it personally?

The straw that broke the proverbial camels back was when an old friend of many years went on and on about Mormonism, "how her pastor said, that Mormons, they aren't Christians and bla, bla, bla," same old junk that X-Mormons say. In all honesty, I have never been treated by Non-Mormon Christians as well as I have been treated by the people of the LDS church. They are the true Christians practicing their faith in a dynamic and effective way. I know this first hand. Having had a terrible experience in the main stream Christian Church, I watched a Minster fall in adultery and another uprising where the congregation chased their pastor out for his honesty. I watched each member handle the microphone saying whatever they chose to this mans face. It was heart breaking. Driven to tears, I had not attended another church until the Mormons came to my door . They showed me and my family loving generosity in an judge-mental way that made me yearn to be back in the Christian Church. I could just say,"Goodbye Felisha," to that person yet,
how does that change me, make me a better person? How does that help her grow as an individual if everyone in her life lets her drive them away exempting her relatives? After much thought I decided that it wasn't about me. True I don't need people in my life that make me feel bad about myself or ignore me as I have to sit and listen to their shallow, silly arguments. Yet, why do I have to make hard fast decisions? As a Mental Health professional haven't I been trained to believe that people like these will change? That they just need to be aware they are behaving in this way and given tools to overcome their alienating behaviors? Further, these persons are not paying clients and this is my life. Maybe, I will not do anything, take my Mormon friends examples as an example. WWJD?

On the other hand, I doubt as in "Fargo" someone will come along and dispatch the Bullies in our lives, however, I am sure that if those Bullies don't come to an understanding at some point, do self reflection, and stop blaming others for their terrible behavior, I am sure that life will dish them up what they deserve. Maybe that is why the Bible tells us to pray for our enemies. Matthew 5:44

TEXAS KILLS PUPPIES!

2017-07-14T00:09:00.002-07:00

Puppy needs a home now!!! Let's help get her outtathere!

This sweet girl is slotted to be put to sleep in a Texas Kill Shelter. take some time to repost the link or picture please. 🙏. https://instagram.com/p/BWgfQS5FfME/

Here’s the Reality of How Smoking Affects Your Lungs… and It’s Not Pretty

2017-07-12T13:09:00.001-07:00

Smoking Kills (The Bryan Curtis story)

2017-07-12T12:57:00.001-07:00

YES A GARDENER

2017-07-08T13:33:00.004-07:00

Google Images, 2017

So here's the thing, despite all the political conversations(which are merely insights I have had ), I find peace and contentment in gardening. However, this is not an ordinary garden. and this is not really my actual garden. I have a Coastal Garden.
After years of failure I decided that I was doing something wrong. I had tried everything. Community gardening, detailed literature about varieties and the best heirloom seeds, and composting. I did climate studies, bought plants, germinated seeds, fertilized and fertilized.

Then I moved to Florida and began to really garden. Good lord everything I put in the ground grew. After less than 6 months I had an avocado forest! I designed and grew from seed planter pots full of dollar store flower seeds! The plants I brought with me took off becoming something other than a house plant. I nurtured Mimosa babies I found all over the lawn and they also grew into huge trees! My neighbors who spent most of their days in the air conditioning smoking pot gave me seeds, which I sprouted and gave back, as nice little seedlings to do with what they pleased.( as Marijuana is still illegal in the sunshine state. )

Oh the joy I felt every time I looked out the back door at my Bismark,Christmas ,and Pineapple Palm trees, Avocados and my Mimosa . Mango and Papaya trees, I even grew Cacti, cutting off an arm of a friends and just putting it into the soil!
The air was filled with the smell of a Plumeria I brought back from dehydration and my "white "Bird of Paradise grew 5 feet in one year!It wasn't just I that was amazed with my green thumb skills as the neighbors began to stop and admire my yard. My cup runneth over as I made rhubarb, strawberry jam, fresh salads and drank my coffee looking at my greenhouse spilling over onto the patio floor.

However, I will admit some things did not grow and despite my efforts it was just too hot for some of my endeavors. The watermelon could not take the hot midday sun that towered overhead for at least 4 hours.Reaching temps in the 90s. I had to admit my failure , drag them into the shade more than once as they just would not thrive.
I planted Boxwood's along the property line, Gardenias on the North and had a Tomato trellis on the South side of the house. I surprised myself at my success and soaked in all the praises.

On one occasion the park manager snuck up on me,(it was a over 50 gated community) and she accused me of sending the parks water bill soaring due to my watering. I showed her my timed soaker hoses and she told me,"I'll be watching you."💪 Later I learned the pot smokers had turned me in for what they called excessive watering. I had to write that off as my druggie neighbors tripping. Later I reminded them that Marijuana was still illegal in Florida.

Then I relocated due to a transfer to the Pacific Coast again, where the nights are cold and the days are often foggy and gray. Rain in the winter until it seems that we would have to really use our boat to get outta here. I thank God for being a Mental Health professional to cope with my on again, off again mood swings in the dark winters. I stay grounded throughout and look forward to the sunny days of summer.
Then it dawned on me when I saw the local college flyer of courses offerings, "Coastal Gardening." that I had so much failure because I'd been doing it all wrong."
I took the course and basically didn't learn anything new as she covered planting techniques and square foot gardening answering the novices questions.However, , I did get a list of plants and seeds that would thrive in this micro-climate.

"THE LIST" is worth the price of the class and I have used it and given it away to others who garden in this climate. So far so good as in the above pictured garden, except the tomatoes are still small.
THE SECRET #1 keep the pests out, #2 plant climate appropriate seeds, Nothing that wont grow to maturity in 90 days, #3 Start in the house things that need more time. #4 Positioning for maximum sunshine, #5 don't forget hardening off ,dead heading , and fertilizing and last but not least realize that the natural plants for the area are going to thrive if you let them, nurture what won't kill everything and thrives.
Yesterday I was out with my new hoe I received for my birthday. my mother came to the window and sang to me," "Paisley, Paisley , quite contrary how does you garden grow?" I answered her with Oyster shells and slug bait , and all the plants in a square footed row" we laughed, the fountain gurgled, I cut some wild flowers for a vase, filled the bird feeders and sat down with my coffee as the smell of lilacs filled the air.

The Bullies

2017-07-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

Google Images, 2017

First we had the woes attributed to the us as having a spineless government. Now consequently the rush to put an end to that introduced the opposite.
Have you also begun to lose interest in Politics? Lately, when the President of the United States comes on with his over the top comments about the personal attacks he feels he has to deal with from the media or even wayward comments that Congressmen have made you head for the remote and the off button? I myself have grown weary of it all. How must our president feel? Do we care? I'd like it all to just end, the tweets, the coverage of the tweets the inward examination of how the son-in- law shaves and if his beautiful wife went under the knife, or the First Ladies wardrobe and makeup. I myself am a tolerant and forgiving type of person but it seems to be something someone might see at the grocery check-out printed on the front page of the "STAR, or the Enquirer"next to Brad and Angelina's latest exploits or George Clooneys' desire to have or not have children with his lawyer wife.? I just think ,Thank God he finally got married, putting and end to his dating of sweet, half his age women. Right? And at that very grocery check out I have queried many about the topic of our President and his behaviors. Doesn't it feel like a fantasy land? it lacks legitimacy to me. It doesn't feel real.
A friend of mine recently said to me, you have to consider the fact that he is a New Yorker."I say why? Why should a New Yorker behave differently? Because they are used to fighting for the very space they occupy? Because they are often rude and way too opinionated thinking that their tiny city is all there is? OK, I think one would have to say that many of the great and driven come from New York but isn't it merely because the biggest Ant has to climb to the top of the Ant Hill?
No offense New Yorkers, but I have an axe to grind. I lived in Florida and it was those from New York that were the ones that were the worst behaved. Yak , yak, yak the loudest about the dumbest self centered flotsam. Sending back their food and wanting everyone to know it, honking their horns, screaming out windows, chewing with their mouths open and talking with them full. At the beach; speedo's on men way over 30, sporting their little gold chains. Emblazoned in my mind.. Women who are terribly over-tanned, out there all day without cover in 95+ blazing heat. The beach empty except for them and their spray bottles.
One day I was waiting to turn into a condo estate, There were lines of oncoming traffic and I began to hear a blast of a horn which made me look up. I saw in the rear-view my neighbor, a New Yorker laying on the horn behind me. I thought lady! there is oncoming traffic, I cant go! and suppressed the inclination to flip her the middle finger. She blasted past me after the gate in her caddy. I slowly pulled into my slot to observe her rushing to get out of the car, cell phone crushed to her face, her hair obviously a wig, kind of crooked on her head, doors flying open and packages falling out. It was then I realized they deserve our pity not our disdain.

Now we have them in the White House. I overheard a conversation that was recorded in President Trumps Land Rover as he tooled around his golf course in Scotland. He was defaming a Scottish farmer he had purchase land adjacent to for the golf course. The conversation was extremely debasing and cruel. The President was obviously ignorant to the reasoning's why the farmers land was so messy! Could it be: the landscape had changed due to the development of the golf course and everything altered!

A better man would have gone in and made changes by offering to clean up the mess he created by pushing all the soil up in heaps during construction and cleaning up the tree debris. But no, that Scottish farmer which was obviously in shock to see his beautiful farm and surrounding areas laid bare was a scumbag, according to Donald Trump, (minus the Mr. President then), He also made comments about the wind generators out in the ocean which he felt were blocking his golf courses view. My God man, Its a country!!! They are making Power!!! However, that main point was obviously overlooked by our now Air Force #1 passenger and naturalized New Yorker.
A smarter man would have not created a war and caused the people of Scotland to snub him as famous personalities come to play golf in Scotland, wow! Think of that, our worst behaved and most selfish out and about in a nation that fosters personalities like "William Wallace"! Tongue in cheek.... Somebodies gonna get punched. that makes for a story on the tube I wouldn't turn off.

PART 2 REVIEWING THE FACTS

2017-06-30T11:00:00.002-07:00

Part 2

I don't want to be a mouthy brat and say,"not my president!" But I will ask why is it that someone has to lose? Why is it that in this administration does it seem that it is some kind of war? War with the press, war with anyone that has anything negative to say.   Some kind of Vendetta that came apparent right away after Barack Obama "supposedly"humiliated" Donald Trump at some dinner.

Lets put the shoe the other foot for a minute. Was it not for years Mr. Trump (his title at the time) had it out for Then President Obama? His birth place, his right to be an American due to his less than candid declaration of his time spent overseas when his mother was married to husband 2? At that time we all began to see the makings of a dilemma. The conspiracy theorists began cutting apart pictures of Barack and his family claiming he was a plant. The bloodlines thing and so on. Our Now President elect fueling the flames. If you want to be a purest wouldn't you say Mr. Trump had it coming? Disrespecting the Incumbent president? And this is what I wanted to address in part. The lack of respect in our public offices. The screaming and fighting of our wayward young people in the streets over the politics and then when questioned their opinions so off the wall and ignorant you as a thinking individual are in shock and awe, questioning the educational system . How did they get so stupid? Yet once again we have to Segway to age,  Any of us could have been featured by high times magazine for on campus pot smoking and a lack of direction. Yet, I don't know anyone still smoking and partying, my peers are for the most responsible tax payers, working and raising families. However, I never personally tried to shout down a professor, stand in the commons and spew hateful words and get beat up by the police.

it has to be some kind of vendetta. I have lost confidence as I see the fighting, yes we saw that Barack Obama belittled Donald Trump and did not apologize, but did he not have it coming? he dragged Barack Obamas' personal life through the mud. Publicly as if to stain him out of spite.   Isn't that what is really going on now? Two warriors , still stabbing each other at the expense of the American people?

Sure, Donald Trump can kill Obama care. But why? Just tweet it, fix what is wrong with it.

Everyone knows how they got the numbers to feed to the fish, kill the advertising so no one knows they can still sign up. Emphasize the penalty which was just to motivate the feet draggers. No one I know who did not sign up got fined really. Incite to riot that the federal government is dictating to them. Come on... are Americans not smarter than that? https://youtu.be/UUlTnXKL-dQ

I am not defending the former Obama administration that hid unemployment figures by not counting the millions that had been unemployed so long they fell off the radar. This not counted as unemployed any more. Only those still receiving benefits were counted.

Or the lack of common sense that Mr. Obama had when it came to foreign relations , making the G8 into a buddy club, pissing off Vladimir Putin to the extent that he left the meetings early.

No one missed the fact that our greatest friend and ally Great Britains' Queen Elizabeth did not like him, as he missed the subtle clues necessary to observe pomp and circumstance that so dictates that culture. Or possibly everyone did miss the "get behind me David Cameron," attitude as their handsome, popular Prime Minster played second fiddle to his " Royal coolness." Costing him dignity in his own Parliament.

Part # 3, The Bullies. Part # 4 Humanitarian Power Please... #5 Below the office of the President, The Enigmas.

A CHANGING PERSPECTIVE

2017-06-27T11:32:00.003-07:00

Google Images, June 2017.

Having voted For a Democrat

for the first time in my life I rode the wave of Victory in an amazing, magical time. I was there the day that Barack Obama put his hand on the Bible and swore to uphold the laws of our land as our President. I watched as the cameras panned to the sea of people that clotted the avenues as far as ones eye could see. The first Black President!

Then it began, the fighting that would leave our nation bewildered and angry enough to bring in someone that is insensitive to the needs of this country in his fulfillment of his promise to,"Make America Great Again."however, in my thinking I am beginning to wonder whose America is he speaking about?
I am not some kid in my 20s' running out carrying a flag and screaming throwing punches. I am a University graduate with degrees and a certainty about life and faith and who I am that reaches far beyond my own estimation as well as my parents. (Thats a joke, the part about my parents) Being a pot smoker in high school and doing my share of soft drugs, ditching school and beer bonging rebellion was no stranger to me.. Then something happened, I grew up, got married had babies and raised a family. Just like everyone else, right?

However, as time has progressed I have realized I was just a cross section of the population of this country. As an adult I learned of the struggle people of color have had and it began long before I was even a thought in the family line. Don't label me just yet, I am not a liberal. I am very much pro life and do not believe that a woman should be able to make a decision to end her child's life because its her body. I don't come at anything with merely my opinion. I study everything. I take in account a persons situation, how they came to the conclusion they did and why they feel the way that they do. What has been a primary factor in peoples decisions, I have found since I have been formulating my ideas, is that people in general are selfish and weak. Its true, they do not want to take the responsibility for their own behavior. Throughout history people have been behaving this way.

Strength and integrity are human qualities that need to be developed.
Throughout our past people have needed the strong and sensible to make decisions for the rest who do not possess those character qualities if not for any other reason we don't end up animating ourselves as a species One can see it all around them right now. For example, Where have all the trees gone? The logging industry rather than finally calling it quits is hanging in there considering wild trees growing in the wilderness needing to be managed(in their minds), have still been making our hillsides bare and dangerous. Recently where I live, the town nearest had a mudslide. It moved the homes below a hillside, off their foundations. It turned out to be a logging operation. They logged the land above the houses leaving the hillside bare. Anyone with common sense would have seen that the tress were holding up the hillside and should not have been touched. That by cutting the trees a situation was created that certainly caused the soil retention to be weakened, and the weight of the water swept that soil downward(gravity) onto the homes below, possibly killing people in their beds.

Despite public education, that is compulsory in this nation, there are those that don't seem to be able to benefit from it. Or is it that what is taught in the schools not sufficient? Or that it turns out persons who cannot understand that you mustn't risk the lives of others to put money in your own pocket?

This is where we are at with our political scene. Its all boiling down to money again. Money is being put on par with human value.

End Part 1