HonestBlog

IF I'M HONEST... STOP DICTATORS 2012

2012-03-07T14:37:00.001-08:00

IF I'M HONEST... INVISIBLE CHILDREN-
INVISIBLE CHARITY

Written by Joseph Richardson

WWW.THEHONEST-BLOG.BLOGSPOT.COM

I came across the STOPKONY2012 Campaign and Video last night when it only had 29,000 views. I woke up today and found it had 4 MILLION and now it has 10 million. I have been TWEETING and FACEBOOKING my SUPPORT for the CAMPAIGN and the charity INVISIBLE CHILDREN... that is until I DISCOVERED more about INVISIBLE CHILDREN.

So what I am telling you now is...SUPPORT THE CAMPAIGN but PLEASE DO NOT DONATE TO INVISIBLE CHILDREN!!!! and here's why briefly...

THEY ARE FRAUDS...

67-70% of INVISIBLE CHILDREN'S INCOME IS KEPT AS PROFIT and last year there was over $6 MILLION DOLLARS SPENT ON WAGES, TRAVEL and FILM MAKING.

That is PROFIT, EVEN THOUGH it is registered as a NOT-FOR-PROFIT ORGANIZATION.

INVISIBLE CHILDREN support other ARMIES who are NOTORIOUS for just as much MURDER, RAPE and VIOLENCE as the LRA.

BUYING their MERCHANDISE is going to fund ANOTHER ARMY with just as much BLOOD on their HANDS as well as THEIR OWN BACK POCKETS.

Here is a link to an article that is worth READING before you DONATE- http://visiblechildren.tumblr.com/

AND...

www.blog.joerenken. com/2012/03/07/invisible-children-and-kony-2012-exposed/

WHAT TO DO

Yes keep SHARING the VIDEO of STOP KONY 2012 on FB, TWITTER and any other SOCIAL NETWORKING SITE.

DO NOT DONATE MONEY to INVISIBLE CHILDREN, the majority of the funds will go to supporting another VIOLENT ARMY as well as LINING THEIR OWN POCKETS. The message has spread so FAST everyone is NOTICING it, so don't WASTE YOUR MONEY ON POSTERS.

In fact why not start a whole new one... STOP DICTATORS 2012. Think of the other countries around the world in the GRASP of DICTATORSHIPS. Why stop at making ONE DICTATOR FAMOUS???

WHY NOT MAKE THEM ALL FAMOUS and SAVE EVEN MORE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE.

THE VIDEO

This is the video and I SUPPORT the capture of KONY however I do not support INVISIBLE CHILDREN and their DEALINGS.

So as STATED, why call it a day at STOPKONY2012....

AND...

WHY NOT...

#STOPDICTATORS2012

DICTATORS OF THE WORLD

Jose Eduardo Dos Santos (ANGOLA)

Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo

(EQUATORIAL GUINEA)

Robert Mugabe ( ZIMBABWE)

Paul Biya (CAMEROON)

Yoweri Museveni ( UGANDA)

Mswati the 3rd (SWAZILAND)

Blaise Compaore (BURKINA FASO)

Omar Hasan Ahmad Al-Bashir (SUDAN)

Idriss Deby (CHAD)

Isaias Afewerki (ERITREA)

Meles Zenawi (ETHIOPIA)

Yahya Jammeh (THE GAMBIA)

Dennis Sassou Nguesso

(REPUBLIC OF THE CONGO)

Ismail Omar Guelleh ( DJIBOUTI)

Paul Kagame (RWANDA)

Francois Bozize (CENTRAL AFRICAN REPUBLIC)

Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz (MAURITANIA)

PLEASE SHARE AND MAKE ALL THE DICTATORS OF THE WORLD KNOWN. LETS MAKE THIS BIGGER THAN JUST ONE DICTATOR AND SAVE MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS OF LIVES FROM THESE VILLAINS.

IF I'M HONEST... HIT HER BACK!!!

2012-03-06T06:35:00.001-08:00

IF I'M HONEST... SHE HITS YOU,
THEN HIT THE B***H BACK

Written By Joseph Richardson

If I'm honest... HIT HER BACK. This may be my most controversial blog to DATE, drum rolls please maestro, and I am still in two MINDS as to the way to deal with this ISSUE. To go for my TONGUE-IN-CHEEK humor, or to deal with it in a DEADLY serious manner. All I do know is, this is a serious issue and one that DOES need to be given ATTENTION but what the HECK my HUMOR adds some VA-VA VOOM to the BLOG.

Now seen as SOME people at times are more than happy to JUMP down my throat and draw CONCLUSIONS from what I'm saying PREJUDICED with the view to HATING me. I am going to OUTLINE my intentions first and make them BRIEF, BOLD AND CONCLUSIVE.

Brief, Bold and Conclusive

THIS IS NOT AN ARTICLE ON DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.

I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE OF ANY KIND AGAINST MAN OR WOMAN.

I DO NOT THINK MEN OR WOMEN HAVE MORE OR LESS RIGHTS IN REGARDS TO VIOLENCE AND HOW THEY ARE DEALT WITH BY THE LAW.

IT IS NOT ABOUT MEN HAVING TO 'MAN UP' BUT TO HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND THEMSELVES AGAINST ATTACK.

and...

I DO NOT WANT MEN USING MY WORDS AS AN EXCUSE FOR HITTING A GIRL/ BEATING UP THEIR PARTNERS... THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT AND IF YOU THINK IT IS ACCEPTABLE TO ATTACK YOUR PARTNER- MALE OR FEMALE, YOU DESERVE TO ROT IN PRISON ACCOMPANIED BY JOSEF FRITZEL.

What It Is About

UNPROVOKED ATTACKS BY FEMALES ON MALES.

WHY MEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND THEMSELVES IF ATTACKED BY A WOMAN/ WOMEN BY ANY MEANS HE DEEMS NECESSARY.

TO ERADICATE ANY ILLUSIONS THAT WOMEN CAN HIT/BEHAVE IN ANY WAY THEY FEEL TOWARDS A MAN WITHOUT ANY REPERCUSSIONS BASED ON GENDER.

WHAT CAN WE DEEM AS SUITABLE FORCE FOR DEALING WITH UNPROVOKED FEMALE ATTACKS.

Consider

The reason hitting a woman back is frowned upon is because of SIZE and STRENGTH. It is assumed that across the board all men are HE-MAN and all females are a DAMSEL IN DISTRESS. However if we are honest this is not the case, look at the cast of former AUSTRALIAN hit prison series PRISONER CELL BLOCK H, the MAJORITY of them are the same size as the AVERAGE man and I know for a fact if one of them hit me right, I'd be picking my TEETH out of the GUTTER... AGAIN as it were.. The size and strength of each man differs just as it is with FEMALES and all SPECIES. So lets ERADICATE that EXCUSE NOW.

Also are FEMALES able to do the following things?

THINK before they ACT and assess a SITUATION?
WEIGH UP the PROS and CONS of their ACTIONS?
Are INTELLIGENT beings able to use own CONSCIOUS thought on DECISIONS?
Are RESPONSIBLE enough to be held ACCOUNTABLE for their ACTIONS?
Are TREATED with the same EQUALITY as MEN in SOCIETY?

If yes to any of these answers, then a WOMAN has the ability of a CLEAR THOUGHT PROCESS and accepts that if she does decide to ATTACK a man, he is most LIKELY going to be STRONGER and could PROBABLY cause more DAMAGE, if that is the case, then she should take her own INTRINSIC WARNINGS, and consider WHETHER or not an UNPROVOKED ATTACK on a MAN is the right COURSE OF ACTION.

MEN and WOMEN are both capable of CLARITY OF THOUGHT so if you consider 2 MEN having a DIFFERENCE of opinion. ONE is 70KG and 5 foot 9 the other is 120KG and 6 foot 4. The 5 foot 9 GUY is the one with the problem and causing the trouble, the BIGGER guy is ABSOLVED of any wrong doing. Will the smaller GUY immediately jump into FISTICUFFS with the BIGGER GUY? NO he WON'T. He will have CONSIDERED all factors, accept he is at a DISADVANTAGE across the BOARD and will probably just walk off kicking the floor and HURLING ABUSE. If he does throw the FIRST PUNCH, then he accepts he is ACCOUNTABLE for his ACTIONS and RESPECTS that he may not be STANDING on his feet for too much longer. The BIG GUY has the right to DEFEND himself no matter what. The same can be APPLIED to MALE and FEMALE encounters as women are able to conduct the same assessments on a situation as ANY man.

So have we REACHED a point where we need to put together some form of COMMANDMENTS if you will, that OUTLINES to what length a MAN is allowed to go to, to DEFEND himself from an ATTACK by a FEMALE?

The Few Bad Eggs Of The Female Population

I see all too often on NIGHTS OUT rows firing up around dance-floors because a girl thinks a guy looked at her the WRONG way or he may have passed an off hand comment about the RIPENESS of her DERRIERE. And there is a large amount of TENDENCY by a SMALL PORTION of the FEMALE POPULATION... NOT EVERY FEMALE!!! ( Had to add that because STEREOTYPING on this subject I'm sure will only result in my untimely CASTRATION.) To run in GUNG-HO with their FISTS flying, CLAWS sharpened and TONGUE hissing because they know a guy cannot FIGHT back due to MORAL OBLIGATIONS.

Now if it was the case that the entire population REACTED VIOLENTLY to every off hand comment they received from a MAN or WOMAN, or LASHED out because they thought someone was giving them a DIRTY LOOK. I'm sure the NHS would now be refusing to come to our ATTENDANCE due to the HEIGHTENING costs on repairing many BROKEN NOSES and KNUCKLES. So why do these GIRLS think they have the right to resort to VIOLENCE IMMEDIATELY? Just because its a GUY who has said something SLIGHTLY off-hand or in many cases SAID and DONE NOTHING AT ALL?

Would she be so willing to attack if it was a FEMALE who looked at her funny??? Or would she just turn to a FRIEND and remark under her breath, 'Urgh did you see the way the B***H looked at me???'

The Awkward Moment

As a girl ATTACKS, the guy often has an AWKWARD moment where he does not have a clue what to do at this point. Does HE stand there and get BATTERED, BRUISED, SCRATCHED, purely because of what gender he was born? Or does he ACTUALLY take action, knocking the girl to the GROUND or giving her a SLAP back? What will his friends think if he gets KNOCKED out by a GIRL? What will EVERYONE think if he PROTECTS himself? Does he WALK AWAY? Or think WHY should I have to be the one to WALK AWAY? Should I choose ARMANI CODE from the toilet attendant for a Pound or DAVIDOFF COOL WATER? Are just some of the questions running through his head at this point. If you imagine this along with fitting music, some SLOW MOTION animation and a VOICE-OVER, it would be an ARCHETYPAL CINEMATIC MOMENT.

The Morale Dilemma

What makes this such a tough issue is MORAL obligations. I don't think MORALITY has developed at the same rate as what EQUALITY and the LAW has. In the PAST women were treated as the FAIRER sex, DAINTY, WEAK, EMOTIONALLY INDULGENT, whereas the man was TOUGH, the BREAD WINNER, the PROTECTOR.

In recent times though WOMEN have proven that they are just as EMOTIONALLY strong, that they can be BREAD WINNERS, that they can survive ALONE and RAISE A FAMILY. Women now have the RIGHT TO VOTE, EARN the same INCOME as men, have the SAME JOBS as men, COMPETE in SPORTS like men, WEAR and SAY whatever they like, and are free to make THEIR OWN DECISIONS.

Now this is FANTASTIC!!! It should have never been that WOMEN did not have EQUAL RIGHTS and thank god the VIEWS and the LEGISLATION'S preventing women from being EQUAL have been ABOLISHED. However with RIGHTS come RESPONSIBILITIES.

If women now have all the same RIGHTS as MEN, then they must accept that they are to be TREATED like MEN. That means if you are GOING to attack a man, do not think for a second you are ABOVE the law and that you are provided with SANCTITY from being HIT back. It does not WORK LIKE THAT. The image of the DAINTY FEMALE has long gone.

Why we have to change

As with most cases in life, if there is a LACK of DISCIPLINE or RESPECT some people will abuse their POWER. If this TREND in female BEHAVIOR continues to GROW and action or some form of RIPOSTE to the SITUATION is not DEVELOPED, it will only get worse for guys. If a HARD-LINE is taken now, it will minimize further ATTACKS and violence in the future, DEFUSING a lot of SITUATIONS. In a sense working like NUCLEAR DETERRENTS.

So lets try to reach a common ground that is acceptable across all the boards between both genders.

The BETA Scale And Forceometer Monitor

1) GIRL SLAPS GUY ACROSS FACE- response- EQUAL AND PROPORTIONATE

2) GIRL PUNCHES GUY IN FACE AND SCRATCHES- response- EQUAL AND PROPORTIONATE

3) MULTIPLE FEMALES- response- You can HIT them and Knock them out- If they are willing to attack for no reason, IF they manage to KNOCK YOU OUT, whose to stay they will STOP at that point and won't start stomping down once you are on the FLOOR. Remember between LIFE, DEATH and MORALITY, what is more IMPORTANT?

4) FEMALES WITH WEAPONS- response- DO WHATEVER THE F**K IT TAKES.

I think the key to remember is that if we are EQUAL, if you are slapped, then you have the right to SLAP HER BACK. The same if a GUY PUNCHES another GUY.

Why I care

I think the main REASONING for my INTEREST in this subject matter is because GUYS get such a hard time from the PRESS and FEMALES regarding their BEHAVIOR. We are often deemed PLAYERS, D**KH***S and MIND F***S, but it seems like we are the ones with PRINCIPLES. Most guys S**T themselves at the thought of having to defend themselves against a female, and I totally UNDERSTAND why. Because it does feel wrong to hit someone WEAKER than you.

But whilst ever these B****S and that's what the name is for this MINORITY of women I am discussing, and lets not sugar coat it. Think they can do WHATEVER they please, its only going to make life harder for MEN.

My arguments for hitting back

1) Its an EQUAL RIGHTS society. This means we are treat as EQUALS in all walks of life.

2) SIZE AND STRENGTH IS NOT AN EXCUSE MALE OR FEMALE.

3) One punch in the WRONG place can kill you, one SCRATCH in the WRONG place can BLIND you, if anyone, male or female thinks another human is going to accept coming worse off and jeopardize their life for the sake of MORALITY, THINK AGAIN

4) If you are BIG ENOUGH TO THROW A PUNCH, YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE ONE.

5) Why does the GUY have to be the bigger man and walk away? GENERALLY if someone tries to WALKAWAY from a fight, the ATTACKERS continue their PURSUIT usually blinded by ANGER and INTOXICATION. IT IS NOT SAFE TO JUST WALK AWAY.

6) EVERYONE has a RIGHT to DEFEND themselves.

7) It is up to the person who has been ATTACKED to deem what is an APPROPRIATE response, not those around.

8) NO ONE should feel OBLIGED to be KNOCKED OUT because his ATTACKER appears WEAKER.

9) It is a COWARDS way of thinking that they have the RIGHT to hit someone bigger, and EXPECT not to RECEIVE a slap BACK.

The Answer

Now for the WOMEN that do behave in this MANOR and THANK GOD they are in the MINORITY. And for those that think it is ACCEPTABLE to ABUSE men and receive no REPERCUSSIONS for their TRANSGRESSIONS. Here is my suggestion...

HERE IS SOME FAIRY WASHING UP LIQUID...

HERE ARE SOME WASHING UP GLOVES...

HERE IS A KITCHEN...

HERE ARE SOME DIRTY POTS...

GO BACK TO THE KITCHENS, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE SAME RIGHTS AS MEN AS YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO ACCEPT THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF A MAN.

AND FORGET A DISH WASHER, YOU DON'T DESERVE ONE!!!

ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABOUT PROMOTING VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. IT IS ABOUT THE RIGHTS OF MEN TO DEFEND THEMSELVES IF THEY HAVE BEEN ASSAULTED REGARDLESS OF SEX.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS AN ENTIRELY SEPARATE ISSUE AND WHAT I HAVE DISCUSSED IN NO WAY PROMOTES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS MY VIEW IS ANYONE USING VIOLENCE, SHOULD BE IMPRISONED.

JUST BECAUSE I HAVE STATED THAT A MAN HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT A WOMAN BACK IF ATTACKED, IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I LOOK FOR AN OPPORTUNITY TO HIT WOMEN, I ATTEMPT TO AVOID IT ALL COSTS AND HAVE NEVER HIT A WOMAN IN MY LIFE THUS FAR, EVEN WHEN ASSAULTED.

THANK YOU FOR READING AND STAY TUNED FOR MORE BLOGS. IF YOU HAVE ANY THOUGHTS ON WHAT YOU HAVE READ PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT BELOW.

IF I'M HONEST... IT'S NOT YOU, ITS ME

2012-02-26T17:42:00.003-08:00

IF I'M HONEST... IT'S NOT YOU

ITS ME.

Written by Joseph Richardson

If I'm honest, ITS NOT YOU, ITS ME! Hey guys, this weeks article is all about helping you look at what went WRONG and why she F****D OFF and left you sobbing into your duvet, listening to REM. There was no real reason for it ENDING, and she doesn't have a real excuse. Its the whole old cliched situation of ITS NOT YOU, ITS ME. Whenever this EXCUSE is used its not the real conclusion to a relationship we want, it just creates lonely nights of constantly questioning WHAT THE F**K WENT WRONG?

Now you know from my previous articles, I'm honest and there is no B**LS**T with me. So what I aim to do this week is set your mind at ease, by breaking the hard facts to you about what I have discovered this INFAMOUS line to mean. It NEVER EVER means something is wrong with her or him, and that actually YES it is YOUR fault. But as I also like to balance my HARD LINE approach with some advice, I will also be helping you with MOVING on and what to do in FUTURE to avoid the HURT.

It was going so well

So its pretty early days and you have been landed with this bomb shell and all of a sudden your SOUL MATE of an ENTIRE two months has decided to call it off, and now you cannot bare to live. As callous as my tone may sound, don't worry I'VE been there too.

So let me guess what happened... Everything was fine and then the texts started to become less flirty, then less frequent, they became shorter about 1 or 2 lines as opposed to the paragraphs you used to send and then it was called off. The reason I used text messages to discuss the pattern of BEHAVIOR is because we spend most of our conversations at the beginning of a RELATIONSHIP via the means of texting as opposed to any other form of conversing, so it is a fantastic way to gauge FEELINGS.

By reading into the texts and being HONEST with YOURSELF, you can tell whats being thought behind whats actually BEING SAID. Look to what is being IMPLIED. If all the way through the relationship so FAR, she has had certain character traits to her texts. Such as there is always paragraphs of CONTENT, she texts back IMMEDIATELY in response to yours, etc, what ever was COMMON has now changed. Well, that is the FIRST sign something is WRONG or its nearly OVER.

We've been together AGESSSS

So its not early doors, you've been together well over 9 months as a MINIMUM, and you know each other like the smell of your own S***S. So you can't blame it on you coming on too FAST, and you can't blame it on that she doesn't find you ATTRACTIVE. So what is it?

Well you have to look at varying notions to figure out when it STARTED to go wrong and how you can RECOGNIZE shes planning to END it.

1) The SEX stopped months ago- Now if your both young, SEX should not be going out of the window. Your HORMONES are at their peak and so is your HEALTH. So this is usually a CLEAR indicator that SHE is getting satisfied elsewhere.

2) We don't cuddle/ talk/ or do romantic things anymore- This can be an INDICATOR that she is now fed up in the RELATIONSHIP, that in her EYES it has come to an end and that she sees you more as a BROTHER. This kind of STALE behavior can come about when there is a lack of spontaneity and passion, also when she knows its at an END and is trying to find a way of PUSHING you away, to get YOU to call it OFF.

3) SHE spends more TIME away from ME- This could mean on the COMPUTER, out with FRIENDS, at 'WORK.' This could be a means of her covering up that she is CHEATING or just that she is avoiding being with you because, like with the previous point she know its OVER and its another way of her driving an EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL WEDGE between you both.

But...but I did everything right

OH cut the crap. You may think you did it RIGHT, well obviously you DIDN'T. So what if you went with the whole ROMANTIC FORMULA. The flowers, chocolates, poems, surprises, it doesn't MATTER. If you had done the right thing you wouldn't be looking to me for ADVICE on what to DO and what things MEAN.

I would suggest that in future, AVOID doing any of these things UNTIL the relationship has developed further until she has PROVEN what she is willing to do for your ROMANTICALLY. The reason for this is...

1) It shows you as being to EAGER or EASY, if you behave like this STRAIGHT away, there is no where to take the relationship at a later stage, when she has EARNED your AFFECTION.

2) If you do these things and she doesn't, you will feel USED and like an IDIOT and that your kind nature has been taken ADVANTAGE of. This ISN'T her taking advantage of you, its you trying too HARD to IMPRESS.

3) It could push her away because it is all too SOON, and you are doing things that aren't WARRANTED yet. You are being over ENTHUSIASTIC. Haven't you heard, HUMANS WHAT THEY WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE.

4) And in relation to a point raised in point 3, if you want to avoid them problems then remember to TREAT EM MEAN TO KEEP EM KEEN.

Seriously by playing little games you keep the INTEREST there, it also means you are less likely to get HURT and it will only INCREASE the attraction LEVEL between you both.

Admit to yourself

I will be highly SURPRISED if you manage to do this, but this is a fantastic skill to develop and that is, be F*****G honest with yourself. There's a reason things have changed, your INSTINCTS tell you things have CHANGED and 99% of the time when it comes to LOVE they are right. Just because you LOVE the person, stop putting them on a PEDESTAL mate, she is only going to rip you HEART out of your ARSE if you believe she is HOLIER than THOU. No one is perfect, ESPECIALLY the person you have fallen for.

So as stated, be HONEST with yourself. Look at it as though it was your friend and HIS girlfriend, and she had changed her BEHAVIOR. What would YOU say to HIM? The same as I'm saying to you I expect. Just because its your 'MISSUS' doesn't make her exempt from the rule of thumb when it comes to LOVE.

YES I AM SAYING THERE IS A STANDARD FORM OF BEHAVIOR BETWEEN COUPLES, AND DON'T BE SO NAIVE AS TO DENY IT.

SO WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

So now you actually want to know what it means when SHE says, ITS NOT YOU ITS ME. Well here is a list of SPECIFIC, HONEST responses to what it is most LIKELY to mean, void of B**LS**T, and I honestly don't give two craps what you think it means, this is the real REASONING.

1) Your NOT ATTRACTIVE enough. Simple enough.

2) I'm no longer SEXUALLY ATTRACTED to you- It can happen that the SPARKLE the person once saw in you has gone. This is usually caused by coming on too STRONG and making it to easy for them to have YOU.

3) I was only with you as a REBOUND- Yes it can often be that you was being used to fill a VOID in the persons life, and she has now realized that they are STRONG enough to be alone and that actually she is behaving like a D**KH**D taking advantage of your kind nature.

4) I am in LOVE with someone else and using YOU to try and move on and push the one I DO love to the back of my MIND- This is the most common I believe for this situation arising. SHE want someone ELSE who doesn't want her and is trying to DEAL with it by being with someone else. It is different to number 3 as it is not a REBOUND, it could be that they LOVE their BEST FRIEND but refuse to tell them.

5) I have met SOMEONE else- This is the hardest SITUATION to accept. But she has already met someone else, someone she finds more ATTRACTIVE and more EMOTIONALLY COMPATIBLE with her.

What can I do now?

So now you are left heartbroken and you have no idea what to do. Well first off let me tell you LISTENING to the CRANBERRIES GREATEST HITS on repeat will not help you. Believe me, I KNOW. Neither will various other TACTICS we use to comfort ourselves. What we should really be looking at as well as getting over the HEARTACHE is how to PREVENT it. My main SUGGESTION is to P**S all over the notion of MONOGAMY and have as much SEX as possible with as many PARTNERS as possible, but for some of you that is not a ROUTE you'd like to go down. GOD ONLY KNOWS WHY!

1) Keep some back for YOURSELF- Don't give yourself totally to the other person. It will only lead to hurt if you build your DREAMS around them. Keep some separate FRIENDS, separate HOBBIES, and don't lose who YOU are for what they WANT you to be. Remember in LIFE you are the most important PERSON unless you have CHILDREN. The one person in life that is guaranteed not to hurt you... IS YOU. So always bare in mind a partner, no matter how good it feels right NOW, can still hurt you in a MONTHS time.

2) Switch off the DEPRESSING music- You may think the music is consoling you, but it is only helping you to 'LINGER' ( subtle Cranberries joke there) in pits of despair. Music is a magical tool for altering our emotions and so get playing some TRANCE or something upbeat that will change your emotional state for a more POSITIVE one.

3) NO COMFORT EATING- All that fatty food, and poisonous refined sugar will do you no FAVORS. It will make you feel 'SLOTHY' and destroy your CONFIDENCE in your appearance.

4) WORKOUT- Go train hard and get yourself into peak PHYSICAL shape. It will make you feel better about yourself, boost positive ENDORPHIN'S, and allow you to vent some of those FRUSTRATIONS.

5) FRIENDS- Friends are great at times of HEARTACHE. They will try to help you get back on with your LIFE. They will get you back on the SINGLE scene and remind you that the old CLICHE is true 'TIME HEALS.'

6) Book a HOLIDAY- If you have the MONEY, try and get a way for a while. The beauty and culture of a new ENVIRONMENT will take you away from all those painful memories and who knows a little holiday ROMANCE is the perfect no strings REBOUND RELATIONSHIP.

7) DO NOT TRY TO BE FRIENDS- Yes, I am telling you to CUT ALL TIES. Its over. There is no need to be friends, you have enough of them as it is, and would your friends really treat you like they have? You are just keeping WOUNDS open, and building a false ILLUSION that things will get back to how they were. MOVE ON ITS OVER.

8) She ISN'T the ONE- You will SPEND MONTHS, beating yourself up, CONVINCED she is the one. Trust me, SHE ISN'T. If she was, then SHE WOULD be with you right now. so drop those LUDICROUS thoughts.

9) Its HURTING because of PRIDE- As I mentioned in last weeks ARTICLE, its all about PRIDE. I won't repeat what I have already been through, so go check out that article as well and see how to cope with PRIDE getting in the way.

10) Take time out- Some will say the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone. For some it will work. For others I suggest taking time out. Take a week or two for regaining perspective. I once chose to take a week from DRUGS, DRINK, SEX, SMOKING, TAKEAWAYS and GIRLS in general. That DETOX week solved everything for me. It could for you too.

EXCUSES ARE EXCUSES

So that brings us to another ENDING I'm afraid and I hope my blunt approach and SIMPLIFIED GENERALIZATIONS have helped. I do fundamentally believe that NO MATTER what even in regards to something as STUPIDLY F*****G complex as LOVE, there is CORRELATION, and that no matter what, YOU KNOW WHEN SOMEONE LIKES YOU.

When EXCUSES such as, 'MY HEAD IS IN THE WRONG PLACE,' are used, it is just a nice way of them saying they are not interested for whatever reason. When two people REALLY do like each other they WILL be TOGETHER... REMEMBER THAT.

If you LIKE someone, GO for it. It MAY not work out, but who KNOWS? Only will you know by TRYING.

Stick together guys. PEACE OUT AND PROSPER.

If you have any questions on any topics raised in the article don't be afraid to comment, and also if you are seeking any help please send in a message and I will do my best to Advise.

Twitter-@JosephRichards9

FB- Joseph Richardson tnttv

IF I'M HONEST... SHES JUST A FRIEND

2012-02-21T16:17:00.000-08:00

IF I'M HONEST....SHE'S JUST A FRIEND

AND THAT'S ALL SHE WILL BE

Written by Joseph Richardson

IF I'M HONEST... SHE'S JUST A MATE SO MOVE THE F**K ON. I must admit that was a tad bit INSENSITIVE for an opening, especially as this is a topic that every bloke is FAMILIAR with and has had to ENDURE at some point. The reason I am looking at this ISSUE is to help the guys who are going through this very SITUATION at present, to try and give them some SOLACE and help them find a way to MOVE THE F**K ON.

Like I said WE'VE all been there and at that point in time it is one of the HARDEST things to deal with. But DEAL with it we must. So if you are that guy who has, as I call it, been dreaming of those CHAMPAGNE MOMENTS, (champagne moments are what I use to refer to the dreams guys concoct based on films, such as after a big dinner party, and fireworks are going off and its the one moment where the girl they always wanted finally kisses them.) Well I am here to PISS on that FIRE and to help you move on from the rut you are in. So lets start at the beginning...

WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO GUYS???

The answer is fairly simple in all honesty. You have a friend who is REASONABLY attractive, she doesn't have to be super HOT to fall for in this INSTANCE, because its not her LOOKS for once your bothered about, ITS HER. As guys we are so used to being treated like SHIT by girls we fall for, but the one who's a FRIEND is always there for you. She cuddles you on a dreary SUNDAY, she listens to you kick off about your EX, she knows everything about YOU but never JUDGES, but most of all your not SCARED to be you around HER.

We forget that when we started this RELATIONSHIP, it was purely platonic because we now have a deeper CONNECTION and we tend to CONFUSE that for LOVE. And whether or not you wish to accept it GUYS, we are all emotional SOFTIES at heart, and we all want to be in LOVE, so when we find a girl who is willing to like us for WHO WE ARE, we tend to push the boundaries of it.

In some cases we actually like the GIRL straight away, but it will never happen between you both, and we continue to hope and pray that SOMETHING will come from it. Let me tell you now... IT WON'T. If it was to be, it would have been. There would have been some sexual chemistry between you both from the get go, like there is between you and a girl who RECIPROCATES your sexual intention, such as a ONE NIGHT STAND you've had or an EX, but in this case nothing DEVELOPS, because she is not SEXUALLY interested in you. ACCEPT THAT AND MOVE ON.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WILL IT CHANGE?

As soon as a girl says, 'YOUR LIKE A BROTHER TO ME.' That should be the END of the matter. It should be like DEATH has just stood in front of you, and said, ' COME ON PAL, DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT.' This is her saying in a nice way, that you two are close, and she loves you, but you touch me INAPPROPRIATELY and I will call the POLICE and get a RESTRAINING order. I mean who in their right minds wants to sleep with FAMILY??? Women are far more INTUITIVE than men and she has probably said this as she RECOGNIZES that your behavior has become OVERTLY sexual whilst you think you are being CASUAL about it. Give women some CREDIT please guys, they are more responsive to EMOTIONAL states than we are and pick up on the SUBTLE changes we are otherwise IGNORANT to.

BUT HER BODY LANGUAGE SAYS SHE LIKES ME, SHE LAYS ACROSS ME AND LETS ME PLAY WITH HER HAIR FOR HOURS- This is where you have to learn TRENDS in body language and be able to put the situation into CONTEXT. All that's happening here is she is SHOWING how comfortable she is with you. She LOVES you and you are a big PART of her LIFE, and this is a way of CONFIRMING that. GIRLS will only lay on a guy for hours and let you PLAY with their hair if they actually know you on a deep enough LEVEL that they can TRUST that you won't push it. SO DON'T.

SHE SAID THAT THERE'S NO OTHER PERSON SHE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH RIGHT NOW- O.k this may seem a LITTLE confusing to you while your EMOTIONS are all over, but I will be honest with you as that is what I do. STOP READING INTO THINGS TOO MUCH. You are trying to convince yourself that something will happen, that the CHAMPAGNE MOMENT is round the corner. IT IS NOT and you have to accept it, she is saying things like this because she feels SAFE with you and she really ENJOYS being with you. Accept it as a massive COMPLIMENT and move on.

WILL HER FEELINGS CHANGE? I cannot answer that. Maybe in years to come they will depending on what happens in other RELATIONSHIPS, maybe not. But I warn you if this does happen, its because you are the SAFE guy, and from what I've seen the SAFE relationship never LASTS. But why bog yourself down with WORRYING about this because right now there is more chance I will DEVELOP an udder and produce my own MILK which will be on sale at all WALL MARTS across the globe. The best thing to do, and I know its hard, is to push the FEELINGS to the back of your mind and not find another GIRL because that will just in essence be a RE-BOUND, but honestly GO have some fun. Read my how to get laid in under 5 hours guide if that helps and get some action to COMPENSATE.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME???

The simple answer to this my friend is something we call, PRIDE. Yes as with most cases with men,

PRIDE is the F****R that messes every little thing up for us. It causes us to REACT badly, to become AGGRESSIVE, to become EMOTIONAL, to become UNSTABLE, to hate LIFE and to hate OURSELVES. It convinces us we are INADEQUATE, because we over think things when we are REJECTED, we hate to be told we are not good ENOUGH, hence why PRIDE is hurt. And when it is HURT, we try to do anything to WIN it back which is why we FOCUS hard on the one person that has DAMAGED it, intentionally or unintentionally. We feel as though we can only find PLACIDITY if we gain back what we have lost and proven ourselves as MEN.

Let me tell you now LEARN TO CONTROL IT. I have recently discovered ways to control it. My change in diet, lifestyle, my training regime and my focus have eradicated any problems I had with PRIDE. Now if something DAMAGES it, I can let it go because I do not want it to DIMINISH my happy DISPOSITION. So try to REFRAIN from reacting on the IMPULSES caused by PRIDE and focus all your ENERGY into gathering your SENSES. In all honesty, reacting on impulse is not ATTRACTIVE and only leads to a mess being made, SAYING things you will later REGRET.

TRUST ME I LEARNT THAT MORE THAN EVER RECENTLY.

WHAT CAN I DO???

Now this is a difficult notion to grasp and this is an exercise you will say is IRRELEVANT, however from experience I can say it is more than PERTINENT. To conquer this HEARTACHE, the emotional TURMOIL, you have to gain control of your EMOTIONS. You have to do something outside of this scenario that will in all actualities help you with EVERYDAY life. You have to take STEPS to learn to say NO to yourself.

HOW TO DO IT

1) Find a focus- Find something in life, a goal/desire that requires effort and energy to obtain.

2) Learn to say NO- Make sure the goal has something included that you will have to give up, by learning to say no you learn to CONTROL.

3) Be Determined- Remember that through this process, not only are you pushing the GIRL to the back of your mind, but you are achieving something to better yourself, the key to SUCCESS and HAPPINESS in life is doing JUST THAT.

4) Ride the journey- Let it take it where it needs to take you, when you come out on the OTHER SIDE, you never know who you may have met, the places you have seen, you may even meet the RIGHT GIRL.

5) Enjoy the change- Change is what you are needing, before this journey you were in TURMOIL, suffering over the fact your FRIEND was just a FRIEND. But now you are a new GUY, with a new sense of PURPOSE, heading in a new DIRECTION. Your no longer WALLOWING in despair, and life has taken a new shape. HELL even with these changes you may have gained far more sex appeal in your FRIENDS eyes. But don't take this JOURNEY to pull your friend, DO IT FOR YOU, to learn how to control EMOTIONS so that you don't end up in another MESS.

THINK ABOUT IT!!!

This is a point at which you should CONSIDER the facts.

1) You have a FANTASTIC relationship with the girl... do you want to DAMAGE that?

2) TRUST ME...you only want her because you can't HAVE HER, if it was the other way around, it would be you not wanting anything.

3) There are millions of GIRLS out there, this is not the ONE as much as you convince yourself SHE MUST BE, and it is honestly not the end of the world although right now you may THINK it is.

4) Remember at all times, it is PRIDE F*****G WITH YOU.... nothing more, I have been there and so have plenty of guys. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

5) Finally as much as you convince YOURSELF it will work, CHANCES are it WON'T. Everything you are doing, the CHAMPAGNE MOMENTS, are you TORMENTING yourself, so stop it, try the STEPS and SEE what you get out of it. YOU WILL DISCOVER SOMETHING NEW ABOUT YOU.

FINALLY...

In this last section, for those of you DESPERATE to find out if SHE does harbor any residual feelings. I am going to do what I do best and inform you of what to look out for, such as little SIGNALS that you can try to READ to figure out where you stand, as well as things you can DO, almost like BAITING. ( See the guide to getting laid for what this means.)

1) Try and make a BET with her, and if she loses she has to show you her KISSING technique for instance... do this in a JOKEY manner because if she says no then you can respond with something like,' actually I was only doing it to help you out seen as your scaring all the lads you meet off.'

2) In a nightclub dance with her, usually as soon as that song your dancing to has finished playing she will back off or may kiss you on the cheek to say THANK YOU but that's it, because she needs to find some TOTTY she interested in.

3) She tries to set you up with OTHER people. If she was INTERESTED she wouldn't be doing it and she also wouldn't be ADVISING you on who to go for as well, so if either of these SCENARIOS happen then she ain't INTERESTED.

4) She tells you about all the other GUYS shes with and whats going OFF.

5) She takes ages to TEXT back or you have to TEXT her FIRST. If this happens regularly then shes probably not that interested SEXUALLY.

6) Look at her BODY LANGUAGE, how deep her INTERACTIONS go, check out my other blog on ' HOW TO GET LAID IN UNDER 5 HOURS, ' for body language tips but there are many sites online you can look at too. This is a great indicator of her levels of INTEREST in you.

7) Try kissing when you are BOTH drunk. At least that way you can hide behind the EXCUSE you was SMASHED.

8) Finally, its the most simple but HARDEST suggestion to complete, be honest and ask her if she likes you as MORE than a friend. This is not a good thing to do as it can jeopardize EVERYTHING, and you may think at TIMES if you can't have her you don't want her in your LIFE because it is just too HARD. Trust me you will feel WORSE when shes not there.

SO that's it guys for another installment of the HONEST BLOG. Hopefully I was able to help in your hour of NEED. I think the key thing to remember in all of this is that you may feel so deeply in LOVE right now, and like its the end of the WORLD. But I guarantee in a few MONTHS time you will have pretty much totally FORGOT and moved on and you will focus on building that GREAT FRIENDSHIP, with a GREAT GIRL.

Check out my next blog which will be on the topic of BROMANCE, why its good for men, why its needed, and how to spot if your in a BROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP.

Please leave comments about any problems you may have had with falling for friends, lets see if we can help you. Lets see if all guys across the world can come together in this one space to help advise and soothe.

PEACE AND PROSPERITIES FELLAS

Facebook- Joseph Richardson TNTTV
Twitter- @Josephrichards9

IF I'M HONEST- THE GUIDE TO GETTING LAID

2012-02-16T14:10:00.000-08:00

IF I'M HONEST...

THE GUIDE TO GETTING LAID

PART 2- THE GUIDE TO GETTING LAID IN UNDER 5 HOURS

BY JOSEPH RICHARDSON

I said I would create a guide based on my theories, my experience and on psychology that would aid guys in getting some va-jayjay... so here it is. Also I think this will probably be very sound and conclusive so DON'T WASTE YOUR MONEY on buying books to help you out.

Now this is going to be a VERRYYYYYYY LONNNGGG article but only because I wish to help as much as I can. Also all the sections work in parallel with each other, you need to be the DOG'S BOLLCOCKS ACROSS THE BOARD. I WILL TALK YOU THROUGH FASHION, ACCESSORIZING, HOW TO TALK TO GIRLS, BODY LANGUAGE ETC AND ALONG THE WAY PROVIDE YOU WITH SOME OF MY OWN LITTLE SECRETS.

As I stated in the first section looks count for everything, If you aren't good looking you are certainly at a disadvantage, but there are some tricks to the trade that can take your average 5/6 to a 8/9 and thus increase your chances in the realm of GETTING LAID. Money and fame are also two great bonuses that will eradicate any failures in the attractiveness department, but most of us are not so lucky, so lets not even concern ourselves with those matters. So lets jump straight in with the physicality aspect on the GUIDE TO GETTING LAID.

STYLE

If you aren't gifted in the looks department, then this is the area that can SAVE YOU. Having style and flair is key to being successful in the field of game playing. If you dress well, smell great, then I suppose its implied you may TASTE GREAT as well. Starting from head to toe we will work through sorting out your appearance, that will turn the most frigid females into SEX CRAVING SLUTS.

HAIR

My hair is my pride and joy. It is my center-piece, so to speak, and there is no amount of words I can say or use to explain how vital a good crop is to getting some POOM-TANG. From personal experience very few girls, especially young ones around the ages of 18 to 24, go for the SKIN-HEAD. It is plain, dull, and overtly thuggish. Not the look we want if we are going to be 'SUAVVEY DEBONAIR'S OF THE NIGHT.'

I generally adopt a medium length hair cut with a fringe. Girls tend to love the feel of a guys hair and like to play with it which is another reason to avoid short haircuts. The image to the left is a great haircut to adopt, its not to long, its not short and it insinuates that you take pride in your appearance. ' A WELL GROOMED HEAD MEANS A WELL GROOMED REST.' This means that when you explicitly show that you take pride in your appearance that other aspects of your life will correlate and match up. 10 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR!!!

Now i'm not saying everyone go out and get a fringe because some people it won't suit, but experiment around, try different styles, different lengths, different colors. In the past 6 Years I have had all sorts of different shades, different lengths and different styles IE. Long, Skinhead, Corn-Rows, Mowhawks, Long and Spikey, Purple, Blonde, Black, Blue....you get the idea. It is only recently I have pretty much settled on one I am thoroughly happy with. Even then I still try out alternative models of it, 'KEEPING FRESH EQUALS SUCK-SESS'

THE FACE

Now if you are born with a face that has more parallels with the ELEPHANT MAN rather than a VOGUE MODEL, then plastic surgery is all that's going to help you there. My main advice though to remove those blemishes you hate is to have no fear and 'PLAY WOMEN AT THEIR OWN GAME.' Try out a little bit of concealer, foundation or blusher. Don't be afraid to take these steps as they can increase your SEX-SPECTANCY POINTS, and I will explain later as to why.

Also experiment around with eye liner, I have found it to be a great tool in provoking conversation as it is one of them things that can still tend to take girls by surprise. It can do wonders for your eyes, and we all know how much of a difference a fantastic set of... eyes can make. It also takes you out of the realms of the orthodox and into something unique and on a night out and in the game of one night stands, standing out is what can make the difference between you munching down a 'GREASY TAKEAWAY KEBAB OR TUCKING INTO THE GLORY KEBAB.'

Also remember FACIAL HAIR is a great tool to give your face an added dynamic. Designer stubble is a great look but it is all dependant on the rest of your appearence. I would strenously advise LIGHT HAIRED BLOKES TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS.

SHIRTS, CARDIGANS ETC

Now I am not going to go into extensive detail about all the varying options of fashion available to you as well I AM NOT YOUR PERSONAL F*****G SHOPPER!!! However I will say that if you are wearing the same top for nights out as you have done for the past three years, GET YOURSELF TO A CLOTHING STORE RIGHT THIS INSTANT.... SERIOUSLY GO NOW. There is nothing worse than seeing someone with no style or flair in the fashion department.

Now I am a great believer in being quite extrovert, as I said standing out will increase you SEX-SPECTANCY POINTS. I have worn bright purple cardigans and am not ashamed to admit I have wore some female clothing, no one ever realizes because they are more in awe of how good I look. Great stores for great clothing that are not over priced and look phenomenal are RIVER ISLAND and TOP MAN, especially for shirts. I suggest going and checking these places out. I also think a BLAZER looks great as well, and does add an air of sophistication. Learn to master the SMART CASUAL as that is what tends to be a winner as well as a PRETTY BOY look. These little touches such as BLAZERS show you have taken the time out to put together a good wardrobe, and there is nothing sexier than someone who can dress well. Also tend to avoid polo shirts, whether or not they are RALPH LAUREN. They are boring and dull, and it only takes two seconds to slip one on. The picture above indicates some great tops and FANTASTIC LOOKS.

I also tend to wear a lot of tight and low cut tops, its great for accentuating muscles and flashing a bit of flesh which can send the girls mind wandering off into the bedroom and wondering what you look like without all the material on.

LOWER HALF

JEANS, JEANS AND JEANNSSSS!!! A fantastic looking pair of jeans are a winner over everything. On a night out trousers are way to formal for the environment and aside from chinos its very difficult to find anything else that looks great lower half ways. The beautiful thing about jeans is that their are so many varying styles. From BOOT CUT, STRAIGHT CUT, FLARED, SKINNY, VINTAGE, CUFFED, DROP CROTCH, STONEWASHED ETC the list goes on. I tend to go with what is in fashion at that period. I'm not a great fan of stonewashed jeans I have to admit, and skinny can look fantastic if you have skinny legs but it is all dependent on your figure.

PS DO NOT WEAR ANY CHEAP NASTY BOXERS... THIS MEANS THOSE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE YOUR GRANDPARENTS LAMP SHADES. Instead invest in a nice pair of CALVIN KLEIN'S as standard. Right now I am a big fan of TWISTED SOUL purely for their humor, vibrancy and comfort.

FOOTWEAR

On a night out I personally predominantly wear boots. ( BTW all this section is about preference and there are no definitive answers, I am just giving you an insight to what I find works, and my reasoning.) The reason I wear boots is they do not look as formal as shoes and I feel they have more of an appealing look to shoes. Pumps also work well especially with cuffed jeans I feel, and in some cases espadrilles can make a nice change from the more conventional footwear.

NEVER WEAR TRAINERS!!! I still find it unfathomable as to why guys wear trainers in nightclubs and on nights out. TRAINERS ARE FOR THE GYM OR COMFORT WHEN SHOPPING!!! However I will hasten to add when you are out and about my number 1 choice of trainer is LACOSTE. For some reason there simplicity is what makes them a fantastic piece of footwear to own.

That has pretty much sorted out the fashion aspect and I hope it has helped all the dunces who are fashion inept out there. As I said it is based on preference but there are certain styles and looks that work for everyone across the board. It is a case of going into a store and trying them on. HELL SHOPPING CAN BE FUN YOU KNOW.

ACCESSORIZING

Now this is something that guys tend to believe is only for women. And as I have done with all your notions so far on what looks good I am here to tell you GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ARSE... men have just as much right to take time into looking good as much as our female counterparts.

Little things such as braces (depending on what your wearing) are those little furnishings that make something go from looking AMATEUR TO PROFESSIONAL. Then there's CRUCIFIXES, BRACELETS, NECKLACES, RINGS ETC. These are the little touches that bring your personality to life in an outward display, these eye catching things can draw attention to body parts and away from places you don't want attention to be. It can even make the bad things look like a work of art.

I am also going to include in this section tattoos and piercings. Once again STAND OUT!!! You are you and that is fantastic, but in a night club you have very little time to make an impression. The game lasts around 5 hours and once again tattoos turn the human body into art, the same with piercings. It gives you an edge and as I have found with my many piercings and tattoos, it provides topics of conversation, but even more importantly GIRLS LOVE TO PLAY WITH THEM.

Now this is a double edged sword for me releasing this little piece of information as it it is one of my key ingredients to getting that first kiss and that is THE TONGUE PIERCING. I cannot begin to even try and count the amount of times girls have stopped just to put their tongues in my mouth because they saw me playing with my bar. Girls love it, it drives them insane because it provides the prospect of a new toy in the BEDROOM. Honestly I cannot even begin to explain just how much of a difference this can make in setting you apart from the rest.

Basically in regards to tattoos they help so much in the art of getting laid. Not only do they still insinuate the cool, bad boy edge, but in a night club when it can be hard to hold a conversation because of the noise. IMAGINE YOURSELF AS A BILLBOARD, the more interesting and unique the billboard is, the more people will stop and pay attention and that is exactly what you want. WE ARE NOW BEGINNING TO SERIOUSLY NOTCH UP THE SEX-SPECTANCY POINTS.

Just as an added notion, I also have quite a provocative tattoo just above my groin on my stomach. My name engulfed in roses. It looks pretty, it has a story to it, and it DRAWS ATTENTION TO WHERE THE GIRL NEEDS TO BE LOOKING. In essence it subliminal implants the image into their head of the lower regions of my body and this is a good thing, it instigates the thought process that this this guy may be worth a ride and after all we still need to get them out of the door into the taxi, and under our sheets or on the kitchen counter... in one night. Its these little things that help massively.

PRODUCTS

ARMANI CODE

Now this should be A NO BRAINER. Everyone knows that if you stink, it shows poor hygiene, and that you will potentially have some nasty surprises hiding beneath certain parts of your anatomy. ITS F*****G DISGUSTING AND NO GIRL SHOULD EVER BE SUBMITTED TO THAT unless maybe your seeking revenge but that is another matter altogether.

JEAN PAUL GAULTIER LE MALE

So stock up on some sweet smelling products. YOUR AFTERSHAVES, SCENTED DEODORANTS, SHAMPOOS, SHOWER GELS etc. Strategically place the aftershave on your clothes, neck, behind your ears and onto your groin. When we talk in night clubs we have to LEAN IN and so the tactfully placed aftershave behind the ears can catch the girls attention again and remind them just how good you smell. SMELL GOOD= TASTE GOOD. The same principle applies with the groin.

Now just as a little bit of a helper for you I am including my three personal favorite aftershaves that aren't over priced and smell fantastic. SEE IMAGES.

That covers the SMELLIES but one product I feel transcends two boundaries of SMELLY and STYLING products is HAIR GELS. There are some extremely sweet scented products on the market and so when they serve two purposes, well that's just killing to birds with one stone. It is for that reason I am a massive fan of the GARNIER FRUCTIS MANGA HEAD PUTTY. It makes your hair very malleable and smells great.

As I keep reminding you I am just trying to help you out here to give you guys some basic starting points, I DO NOT WANT A SHED LOAD OF RECREATIONS OF ME. IT IS YOUR JOB TO TAKE THESE POINTS AND FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.

In addition to these suggestions another critical element to it all is skin tone. Not being funny, but who wants to be seen dancing with an ELONGATED SPERM? Get on a sun bed and give your skin some color, it works wonders when it comes to the ART OF THE ONE NIGHT STAND. Being a ghastly pale shade is not attractive and in many cases makes you LOOK UNHEALTHY. Failing that go and invest in a bottle of FAKE TAN. ST MORIZ does the trick and will set you back a whopping 3 POUND.

The final piece in this little subsection is not a product in the slightest, but a tip on how to give

LIST OF USEFUL ITEMS...

AFTERSHAVE, DEODORANTS, JEWELRY, STRAIGHTENERS, CURLERS, EYELINER, FOUNDATION, CONCEALER, FAKE TAN, NAIL VARNISH, TATTOOS, PIERCINGS, MOISTURIZER, BEARD TRIMMER.

SHAVING/ WAXING

I feel this is something well worth considering. Now this suggestion could make a lot of blokes QUAKE AT THE KNEES, but let me tell you, its one of those things that can gain you massive SEX-SPECTANCY POINTS. WAXING is a useful tool to make your body appear smoother, look tidier, and on the stomach, make your abs appear far more prominent. IF you are TOO SCARED to get waxed, then try products such as NAIR that you apply as a cream and then WIPE AWAY the now dead hair particles. Using a razor is another way forward as well in this department, but waxing is definitely the most effective.

Also and this IS A MASSIVE MASSIVE DEAL... MAKE SURE YOU SHAVE YOUR PUBES!!! Every girl I have ever slept with accept one has either been clean shaven or had a little strip, and I always make sure I reciprocate this practice. It looks neater, is more hygienic, and you don't have to interrupt proceedings removing pubes from your teeth like DENTAL FLOSS. SERIOUSLY MAKE SURE YOUR PUBES ARE ALWAYS TRIMMED!!!!

BUILD

Now if you are FAT, I am going to be extremely blunt... SIGN UP TO A GYM, WORK OUT AND DIET. There are no real pertinent excuses for it and that is just what they are EXCUSES. Being FAT instantly pretty much strikes you OUT OF THE GAME and we are here to get you LAID ON A REGULAR BASIS.

You might on the odd occasion strike it lucky, but who wants the odd occasion??? I am here to get you a CONVEYOR BELT OF PUSSY. Seriously though if you are over weight sign up to a gym and get healthy if not for the purposes of getting laid, being able to do more positions, go for longer BUT FOR THE GOOD OF YOUR HEALTH.

I generally have a slim but muscular build, and quite a large build depending if I'm training at that point. And seen as this is the HONEST BLOG I will be honest in saying... 9 times out of 10 when you see a muscular guy it is through the use of STEROIDS. In my opinion if you want to maximize your look and PUSSY-MAGNETIC FIELD, invest in some and go train... HARD.

I am basing everything I say on experience and the common consensus. Yes SOME girls like fat guys, SOME like skinny guys, but the majority like a good athletic build. AND WE ARE FOCUSING ON THE MAJORITY TO MAXIMIZE YOUR CHANCES.

Well that draws to a conclusion the aesthetics of increasing your chances for REGULAR ONE NIGHT STANDS. All the varying subsections are equally important in MAXIMIZING YOUR POTENTIAL CLUNGE COUNT. The aesthetics are important because it is fundamentally the first impression and also draws attention towards you before you even make a SOUND. You really do not want to fail at the first hurdle because you will be receiving KNOCK BACK AFTER KNOCK BACK.

PERSONALITY

Now far be it from me to say that you don't have the personality to GET LAID ON A REGULAR BASIS. However there are some traits that we can tone down, adapt and enhance to increase your SEX-SPACTANCY COUNTER. I consider my personality to be MULTI-FACETED in the relation to the fact that depending on my setting, the situation and the company I keep. I can adopt my PERSONA to suit. So rather than thinking I am attempting to CHANGE YOU, rather think of it as I am ADAPTING you to enhance your chances of success. So this section is focusing predominantly on the three C's. COCKINESS, CHEEKINESS, AND CHARISMA.

In the MENTALITY SECTION we talk about CONFIDENCE in detail and touch upon COCKINESS AND ARROGANCE, here we will focus on the latter two, so lets take a look at COCKINESS. This is a GREAT trait to have, whether or not when it comes to DATING it is considered as a massive NO-NO. But we aren't talking about ROMANCE, we are looking at the OVER-NIGHT SESSION. COCKY can actually be quite charming, the COCKY guy is not scared to drop lines that are quite RISQUE, he is not scared to take action and will never blend into the BACKGROUND. He tends to offer something OTHER-WORLDLY in comparison to the room full of GENERICS. It also generally means he has good banter.

Take for instance the amount of times I have been called COCKY, my usual response will be something along the LINES OF ' maybe, maybe not, but its not stopping you from thinking about me naked now is it?' Yes I sound cocky, but it has never failed to get me a smile or a laugh and thus the BANTER continues to be EXCHANGED back and forth, keeping her interest locked onto me for an EXTENDED PERIOD. WINNING!!!

ARROGANCE is fundamentally the same thing as COCKINESS, but I see COCKINESS to be attributed more with ACTIONS and ARROGANCE is more of an inward display. These two are great at setting you apart from the rest of the crowd... but the big thing is that it is all dependent on being able to pull it off. I have spent years refining these aspects to my persona, making mistakes along the way. They are quite essential I believe because not only do they enable you to captivate an audience better, but when you are REJECTED, and you will get REJECTED from TIME TO TIME, it will mean that you can rise above it and move onto the next girl without it impeding on your CONFIDENCE too much. To be able to use these two characteristics to their maximum potential you must balance them out with another trait, that is CHEEKINESS.

Yes, that is right, the one INFALLIBLE truth is that nothing can beat the good old CHEEKY CHAPPY. He is quick witted, not afraid to take a risk, has CHARM and CHARISMA by the BUCKET-FULLS, and is the LOVABLE ROGUE that you just can't say NO to. He is the kind of guy who can STEAL a DRINK from a girls hands and rather than have her kick up a fuss, she just can't help but feel her HEART MELT at his CHEEKY GRIN.

Trust me in ALL WALKS of LIFE, being able to be CHEEKY is one of the greatest qualities as it does WARM people to you and can get you out of STICKY SITUATIONS. Try to find out off of your friends if you do have any of the CHEEKY characteristics such as a SMILE, LAUGH or WINK. A WINK can be a great winner especially when you are just passing a girl that has TAKEN YOUR EYE and I will explain why later.

Being CHEEKY though is in the things you say, its knowing what you CAN and CAN'T get away with, without causing OFFENCE. It can only develop with experience, so when you are out and about, practice a few lines that you would not normally dare to try for fear of REJECTION and see what the actual response is.

You will also learn that the real CHEEKINESS is not just a personality trait, but it is embedded in your MOVEMENTS and your GESTICULATION. He tends to have the ENERGY of a 5 YEAR OLD, can DUCK AND WEAVE like MOHAMMED ALI, and above all is just generally PLAYFUL. One of the great INDICATORS on how CHEEKY you can be and get away with something is that SIMPLE, OLD FASHIONED game that your GRANDPARENTS would play with you, where they say whats that? You look down... and subsequently end up with a TAP ON THE NOSE. If a girl is REPULSED by you she will have non of it and give you DAGGERS for EYES. More likely than not though she will probably laugh and give you a gently tap. THIS IS A GREAT TECHNIQUE FOR GAUGING INTEREST... but we will come to this in more detail later.

Finally we have CHARISMA. This has to be the hardest to describe and the hardest to actually put into PRACTICE, because I think it is one of them things you are born with or without. However for everyone's benefit I will ENDEAVOR to try and put it into some form of PERSPECTIVE so we can ENHANCE your CHARISMA levels.

CHARISMA is a mixture of varying things, but I personally believe the most prominent two to be CHARM AND ENERGY. It holds strong connotations to SEX APPEAL, one of the most CHARISMATIC characters is RUSSELL BRAND. His ENERGY AND PRESENCE radiates to the masses. The CHARISMATIC guy is the one who will turn up into a room, leap 10 foot in the air and fall at a girls feet whilst the women APPLAUD and men HATE.

He is not scared to stand out of the crowd, and be quite FLAMBOYANT in his over all PERSONA. CHARISMA is located in our energy levels as well, it is far from the guys who stand in the corner of the room too terrified to dance, instead he is the guy in the center of the floor thrusting his hips like PATRICK SWAYZE, surrounded at every turn by FEMALES.

The best way I can suggest to express CHARISMA, is to be ENERGETIC, QUIRKY and AUDACIOUS. Stand out from the norm, don't be afraid to be over the top and don't hold back from taking risks. It can also be linked to the technique of PEA-COCKING which I will discuss the concept of at a later stage. CHARISMA shows CONFIDENCE, COMFORT WITH WHO YOU ARE, AND ORIGINALITY, trust me, THESE ARE ALL SUPER HOT LOOKS.

THE MENTALITY PRE-NIGHTCLUB

Right now lets get you into the mind set of a TRUE GAME PLAYER. First off you need to BELIEVE YOU CAN HAVE ANYONE YOU WANT. That every room is dark until you walk in and illuminate it with your presence, and that you are the ONE AND ONLY GUY in that room that can fulfill a WOMAN'S EVERY DESIRE.

There are a few reasons for this and why it is so important to believe you are MR GOD'S GIFT, whether or not you ACTUALLY ARE. When you believe you can make every single woman fall to her knees, it means you will HAVE THE BALLS to chat up any girl in the place up. The number one reason men FAIL TO GET LAID is because they don't believe they are GOOD ENOUGH, and I am here to tell you YES YOU ARE. BUT ONLY IF YOU BELIEVE YOU ARE. When you have this belief, you will also feel better about yourself, which will improve the finest details such as POSTURE, the way you CARRY YOURSELF, the way you LOOK INTO SOMEONES EYES, and your pathetic little walk will become A SEXY-ASS STRUT.

This new found belief in yourself will then ultimately transfer itself into CONFIDENCE, COCKINESS AND ARROGANCE. Which means we are getting somewhere. When we are CONFIDENT, we draw people in. You become MR RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, DONT LOOK ANYWHERE ELSE, WATCH THIS SPACE!!! You feel you can do ANYTHING, and others will probably believe you can do ANYTHING. Women will be drawn to you when your confident, because it means you are assured, you AREN'T AFRAID TO TAKE CONTROL, you can WHISK THEM OF THEIR FEET, they will latch onto you to try and transfer some of that CONFIDENT ENERGY ONTO THEMSELVES, and finally its possibly a sign you know WHAT THE F**K YOU ARE DOING IN BED. STOP READING RIGHT NOW IF YOU THINK YOU CAN SUCCEED WITHOUT CONFIDENCE AND CONTINUE TO BE MR LIMP DICK!!!

Before you even leave the house, remind yourself WHY YOU ARE OUT. You are out to get LAID. When you have this in mind, it means you are prepared to be on it at every second you are inside the venue. It will also serve as polite reminder not to PASS UP any opportunity, so don't be scared to wander off from YOUR FRIENDS to chat up that PIECE OF PUSSY.

Remember to take pride and take time in getting ready in the exact same fashion a FEMALE WOULD. Do not be afraid to be ATTENTIVE, and if it helps, as you are putting on your CLOBBER, talk to your reflection, UNLEASH THE BEAST!!

To lead onto the next section, I will suggest leaving earlier and being one of the FIRST to ARRIVE at the NIGHTCLUB. It MAXIMIZES your time there, you can SPOT girls PRIOR to to the place becoming OVER CROWDED, they can also pick up on your PRESENCE EARLY DOORS as well. So with that in mind lets talk about the way to start the night off INSIDE THE VENUE.

IN THE NIGHTCLUB- RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

So we have finally ARRIVED at the NIGHTCLUB and you are scoping out the talent. First things first, get your drink and pick a good VANTAGE POINT. Although this may make this sound a little like your competing ONLINE in C.O.D, a good starting point can make a HUGE DIFFERENCE. So if the NIGHTCLUB has a reasonably situated BALCONY, make USE OF THIS. Not only is it a great spot to PICK OUT THE GIRLS YOU LIKE, but it is a great way for them TO SPOT YOU. You are above the field, which IMPLIES DOMINANCE, another fantastic IMPRESSION TO GIVE OFF. This is the time to be most RELAXED, it is early and the night has not really picked up yet.

Now this is a point to be careful at. The reason I say be CAREFUL is because, I personally get chatted to a lot at this point, and the girl without me even putting much effort in may be ON IT. Now if your a guy who SETTLES, then already your onto something, me personally, I LIKE TO WAIT. I lay some FOUNDATIONS, be a little FLIRTATIOUS but that IS IT!!! I will EXCUSE myself and go for a WANDER, do not sign yourself off BEFORE IT HAS EVEN BEGUN. I'm only including this incase you do find yourself being chatted up early, Also I tend to find these girls who are so OPEN at the BEGINNING, GENERALLY do not see it through TO THE END OF THE NIGHT. So for your benefit I am telling you TO BE WARY.

At this point take regular walks around the PERIMETER OF THE NIGHTCLUB. Inspect all the VARYING AREAS, and whilst doing this make a MENTAL NOTE OF WHICH GIRLS MAKE EYE CONTACT OR SMILE!!!ALSO PAY ATTENTION TO THEM PASSING A REMARK TO ONE OF THEIR GIRLFRIENDS, IT COULD BE ABOUT YOU!!!

If a girl does make eye contact, TRY A SMILE, see if she reciprocates, she MAY DO, she MAY NOT. If she does, FANTASTIC, if not don't worry she may have MISSED IT, and anyways THERE'S PLENTY MORE FISH IN THE SEA. If that SMILE was DEFINITELY there along with the EYE-CONTACT, then what are you waiting for??? GO CHAT TO THE GIRL, MAKE A MOVE SUPER STUD!!!

( There are some key pointers I still have to make especially if it is early on in the night and this has happened. Keep reading to find out the best course of action to take, because at this stage nothing is definitive yet cowboy, so take it easy.)

So we will skip ahead in the night, the place is getting a little BUSIER, and you have made the COMPULSORY ROUNDS of the nightclub. You are already familiar with the MAJORITY of the girls and have earmarked the ones you've got the HOTS for. But unfortunately, you haven't been quite so LUCKY as to SPOT any EYE-CONTACT between you and your TARGET. So the next step is as I like to call it... FISHING!!!

FISHING

FISHING TAKES BALLS. You have to be willing to take REJECTION and sounding a bit of a T**T in all honesty. But I cannot deny the IMMENSE power of it. Now fishing is very simple to do and my success rate is generally high, but it is something I employ, not usually because I'm having no luck, but I find it tests my SKILLS, and to also be HUMOROUS. (I LIKE THE RESPONSES.)

The concept of FISHING is simple. As a girl brushes past you, all you have to do is drop a line that will catch her attention. I specifically wait for a HOT GIRL TO PASS, who has either a straight face, or looks as though someone has PISSED on her FAVORITE SHOES and drop the line, ' SMILE SWEETHEART, IT MAY NEVER HAPPEN.' TRUST ME, it works, often it takes them by surprise and they LAUGH. (MASSIVE SEX-SPECTANCY POINTS) They may continue to walk on so you have two options. Firstly gauge her response by seeing if she turns around, then see if she makes EYE- CONTACT as she walks away, if this happens you have TWO OPTIONS. One is to CALL HER OVER, I usually do the little REPEATED CURL OF THE INDEX FINGER to summon her, or number 2, MONITOR WHERE SHE WALKS and take an alternate route round, delay your approach and then make it seem ALL COINCIDENTAL.

The great thing about it though is that, you can do this to as many girls as you want, and IF she just walks away, its only been a SECOND of EFFORTS WASTED, and its hardly a MASSIVE REJECTION, as she has WALKED OFF based on a little ONE LINER.

STILL NO LUCK???

So if at this stage it still going all wrong, don't despair we can revert to the old fashion techniques of actually APPROACHING GIRLS. REMEMBER THEY ARE HUMANS TOO SO DON'T BE DAUNTED BY THIS PROSPECT.

Now what I like to do is rather than approach the girl I REALLY WANT, I am rather SLY and I TALK to her FRIENDS. Now there are SIGNIFICANT REASONS for this. Firstly I can DISCOVER if the GIRL I want is SINGLE OR NOT. If I discover she isn't then I have wasted no time on CHASING HER. ALSO I haven't eliminated my chances with her friends. (WINK, WINK) When you are ASKING about the girl you like, NEVER say it is FOR YOU, SAY it is for your friend to stop yourself being ELIMINATED FROM THE EQUATION WITH ANY OF THE GIRLS IN THE GROUP.

Also and this is a BIGGGGGGGG also. Women are often JEALOUS creatures and if you are smart you can play this to your ADVANTAGE. What can happen is that whilst you are CHATTING to the GIRL, trying to PRIZE INFORMATION from her. The girl you are ACTUALLY INTERESTED in may notice her friend is getting some ATTENTION. ( BIG FLASHING SIGNALS IN THE FEMALE MIND) She may not like this, especially if she is the DOMINANT FEMALE and the one used to getting ALL THE ATTENTION. This means she may approach you herself, and try to BUSTLE IN ON THE ACTION. Fantastic news for you, and don't go stressing about the other ones FEELINGS, these aren't your FRIENDS, its purely about ONE THING FOR YOU. If this does happen, well GREAT, not only is it a SIGNIFICANT CONFIDENCE boost for yourself, but the ensuing POWER BATTLE and EVENTS can be QUITE HILARIOUS. Whereas guys may get a little annoyed about a mate SNATCHING a BIRD on a night out, its no BIGGY, we take it as PART AND PARCEL of the GAME, but for girls, well YOU WILL SEE.

Any who if this FAILS, then there are only two options left. ONE is to ACTUALLY talk to the girl you LIKE and see how far you get, which I will talk about in depth later on. because that section will cover all the ASPECTS of CONVERSING. So that leaves only one possible thing left to try and BUY SOME INTEREST in your PERSON. This is not about talking though, this is an AESTHETIC thing, and I touched on it earlier, and it is what is is otherwise known as PEA-COCKING.

PEA-COCKING

Now PEA-COCKING is not for the FAINT-HEARTED, and not EVERY GUY can PULL IT OFF. It takes ACUTE awareness, of FASHION, of what WOMEN want, of what suits your STYLE, and what your PERSONALITY can GET AWAY with. Therefore is my reasoning for leaving it last and as a final way to change the GAME for yourself if it just NOT HAPPENING. However like with all GAMBLES if it does pay off the REWARDS will be GREATER than you can IMAGINE.

It derives from the same tactic used by PEACOCKS, when they display their PLUMAGE to attract a mate in such a vibrant display. Now if you look to the image to the left which is an extravagant bright blue blazer being modeled by non other than NEIL PATRICK HARRIS. These are the kinda of traits to PEA-COCKING. It usually consists of BRIGHT COLORS, AVANTE-GARDE HAIR STYLES, NAIL VARNISH, EYE LINER and just in general EXTREMES that are out of the ORDINARY.

I am a keen PEA-COCKER because it shows CONFIDENCE in what you do, that you AREN'T AFRAID to be an INDIVIDUAL but more so than anything you REALLY DO STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD. And in the one night stand GAME, standing out is what gives you the EDGE over everyone else.

So that is the final suggestion to help get your foot through the door, if it doesn't work, you are just going to have to keep PLUGGING away with the other tactics, work on your APPEARANCE more, and on refining those PERSONALITY traits. But if you have managed to get up next to the GIRL, lets consider the NEXT PHASE TO GETTING LAID.

MR CONVERSATIONAL

Now in this section I am going to be pelting you with MASSES of INFORMATION. Because there are things to REMEMBER, mistakes that guys make on a REGULAR BASIS, and TRAPS I don't want you falling into.

FIRSTLY, before you begin initiating in CONVERSATION. I want you to think of this whole scenario this way. You are a CONTESTANT on the APPRENTICE, and this is your FINAL INTERVIEW. You want this job bad, but there are still other CANDIDATES, some may be more QUALIFIED than you, be NATURALLY SMARTER than you, even more LIKABLE than you. So what we need to do is to ERADICATE all these things out of LORD ALAN SUGARS mind, so that really there is only ONE possible CANDIDATE worthy of selection. This is very possible, we just have to give him WHAT HE REALLY WANTS. Yes I am telling you that the ART TO GETTING LAID, is fundamentally a PITCH for a JOB. Another way to see it as well is that you are PRODUCT and you have to make YOURSELF more DESIRABLE than the rest of the PRODUCTS on the MARKET.

So you have already APPROACHED the girl and the CONVERSATION has begun. Some times this can be DIFFICULT as she may have little or NO INTEREST IN YOU... YET. We can change that. She may not think you be the best looking guy in the NIGHTCLUB, but she has no IDEA who you are yet.

QUICK POINT- DO NOT, AND I REPEAT DO NOT BUY HER A DRINK IN ORDER TO GET IN HER PANTS. WOMEN ARE DEVIOUS CREATURES AND WILL USE YOU FOR A DRINK WITHOUT GIVING ANYTHING. SHE WILL GO TO THE BAR, PRETEND TO BE INTERESTED AND SOON AS SHE HAS HER JAGERBOMB SHE WILL PISS OFF AND YOU WILL BE DOWN ON CASH AND FEEL A MUG. SO UNTIL YOU HAVE RECEIVED SOMETHING, DO NOT F****G BY HER A DRINK.

In the first 20 MINUTES of conversation I tend to do 50-75% of the talking. Usually they say 'PAY AN INTEREST,' or it 'SHOULD BE BALANCED.' What I say is 'SCREW THAT!!!' Make yourself KNOWN, take CONTROL and LEAD the CONVERSATION, let her know ABOUT YOU.
This is my main SECRET to SUCCESS. I said consider yourself a product- I have led a very INTERESTING and VARIED LIFE in comparison to most, and this is what can really get the GLINT in a GIRLS EYE TWINKLING. Think of the stories about yourself where you may have COMMITTED A CRIME ( FOR GODS SAKE DO NOT MENTION MURDER OR RAPE!!!) , or done something EXCITING that is against the NORM, possibly even ACHIEVED something that is quite REMARKABLE. All these little anecdotes will work in your favor. The CRIMINAL part, provides excitement and DANGER for a girl, something they BUZZ off. The ACHIEVEMENTS set you apart as one of a kind, this will IMPLANT the thought in her head that, 'SHIT, I CAN'T PASS THIS OFFER UP, WAIT TILL I TELL MY GIRLS ABOUT THE GUY I PULLED LAST NIGHT.' It is the same concept as why CELEBRITIES find it so easy to get LAID. Also doing something against the NORM, shows you have had a unique experience... and WOMEN LOVE A MAN WITH EXPERIENCE.

Don't be MR COMPLIMENTS though. Pick out flaws in her APPEARANCE but don't be VINDICTIVE about it. This is where PERSONALITY comes into it and being CHEEKY enough to get away with your COMMENTS. Say for instance her LIPSTICK is smudged, don't ignore it, make a point of it. Try saying, ' How have you MANAGED to get MORE LIPPY on your CHEEK than on your LIPS? NO, don't worry about it, it will only be getting WIPED off by my LIPS in a bit.' Notice the INSULT, but the balance with the CHEEKY/CONFIDENT comment. Those are the PERFECT TYPES OF LINES TO USE, SO PRACTICING THEM!

In between all this DO ask her QUESTIONS. It keeps her mind TICKING over and stops her from DAY-DREAMING which could be a possible BACKLASH to this TECHNIQUE. So bare that in mind. So up to this point you have had YOUR SAY. Now it is time to STEP BACK and let her have her say. What you should be doing at all points through this first EXCHANGE, is monitoring her BODY LANGUAGE. ( DON'T FRET I WILL TALK ABOUT THAT AS WELL.) If she doesn't start to pick up the CONVERSATION then, I think its time to MOVE ON and work on the NEXT GIRL, don't STRESS, it can happen to the BEST OF US. So don't lose FAITH.

If she does take over the conversation, now is the time to be looking at the FIRST KISS. So we are going to look at BODY LANGUAGE and little TECHNIQUES I call BAITERS, to figure out if there is a PHYSICAL ATTRACTION.

BODY LANGUAGE AND BAITERS

Now I am by no means a PSYCHOLOGIST or a BODY LANGUAGE EXPERT, but I am an enthusiast of both. And you should start to become interest in these fields to to MAXIMIZE your SEX-SPECTANCY POINTS. The reason for this is, it helps you to figure out what women truly want in a MATE, and what different INDIVIDUALS may consider to be more noteworthy attributes.

Now I will only go through the VERY BASICS of BODY LANGUAGE, further information can EASILY BE FOUND all over the INTERNET. I'm sure you can use a SEARCH ENGINE. But on a serious note, in conjunction with this piece, it is well worth going to one of these sites and checking it out in greater detail, because these can tell you at an early stage where the NIGHT WILL BE HEADING.

The first thing to look for is EYE CONTACT, but we have been through that so lets jump ahead.

When talking to the girl, look at the proximity between both of you. If there is a reasonable sized GAP, this indicates at this stage she still sees this as her PERSONAL SPACE so don't invade. If throughout the conversation she maintains this DISTANCE, move slightly forward and if she moves out then this is a NO-GO. She has no interest in letting you close to her, which evidently means NO JIGGY-JIGGY.

If she taps you on the your body, it means she is comfortable with touching you, GOOD SIGNS!!! It insinuates she wants that PHYSICAL CONNECTION with you and this is her way of getting it prior to the KISSY-KISSY. If however she is a little stand offish, don't worry she may be shy, like I said try the flicking of her NOSE TRICK that your GRANDAD WILL play. Observe her REACTION, she may even give you a little tap back, this play fighting is a good sign. IN MY OPINION AT THIS STAGE PLAY AROUND, PRETEND TO BE SHOCKED BY HER ACTIONS AND HURT, SO GET REVENGE BY TICKLING HER SIDES, DRAW HER IN CLOSER TO YOU.

Look for LICKING of the LIPS, POUTING, and TOUCHING. This is a massive signal that she wants you to pay attention to her lips, 90% of the time suggesting she wants a kiss. The other 10% of the time its and NERVOUS TWITCH or shes just PLAIN WEIRD.

Look at the image to the left. Notice the EYE CONTACT, the RESTING of her head on her hand and exposing her wrist. The WRISTS are an EROGENOUS ZONE ( If you don't know what an EROGENOUS ZONE is god help us, but I will discuss them later.) Now this is a highly sensual and area for a female and so it is also considered vulnerable, for her to be exposing it, is well her sign that she is COMFORTABLE with you and is possibly INVITING you to TOUCH.

Then there's the way we sit and stand, if her LEGS are crossed towards you it means you HAVE her ATTENTION. Likewise if her body is turned INWARDS, it suggests she is happy to get close to you and have you around her. SCORCHIO!!!! YOUR ONTO A WINNER.

If however her attention is else where, she is constantly LOOKING around the ROOM, her ARMS are FOLDED, her LEGS are CROSSED AWAY from YOU, or her BODY is TURNED OUTWARD. It means she is on the DEFENSIVE and not INTERESTED. It is possible that she is just comfortable sat like this, however in my opinion take it as definitive F**K OFF.

BAITERS

Now these are FANTASTIC techniques to working out where you stand. The whole NOSE FLICKING technique is one of these along with PLAY FIGHTING but lets see what else we can INITIATE.

Try STROKING your HAIR, or TOUCHING your FACE. See if the DESIRED FEMALE MIRRORS your MOVEMENT. This is supremely amusing to do and is a great indicator that someone is interested. We like to copy and follow those we like, the amount of times I have had girls running their HANDS through their HAIR, without them realizing I am basically controlling that ACTION is ASTRONOMICAL.

Also PRETEND that you cannot hear HER TALKING. Try to get her to LEAN in as FAR as possible to EXPLAIN, with any luck she will put her HAND upon your FACE/CHEEK. If that's the case put your hand around her waist as well, this WILL CONFIRM ALL INTENTIONS on both sides, PRESUMABLY with your hand on her waist she WON'T BACK OFF and will in FACT DRAW CLOSER.

Finally just try a simple COMMAND and see if she RESPONDS to it. The one I usually drop is, 'push your elbows together behind your back, they say its impossible for women to do it.' If she does it then it proves shes happy to listen, also what she will realize from the look on your face what you have actually done is made her PUSH her BREASTS OUT. This CHEEKY little line will win you some EXTRA POINTS, like I said being CHEEKY is KEY.

Okay, so now you understand BODY LANGUAGE a little more and you should have tried a BAITER or two. You should be pretty safe in the knowledge as to whether she is interested or not. Now we need to push it further.

LET'S GET PHYSICAL

Now I don't like to tie myself down instantly on a night out and try a FEW different girls out before RETURNING to my PREFERENCE. Also this little interlude, adds an air of MYSTERY and keeps the GIRL on her TOES.

Don't ever make anything too easy, you have put in the hard work so far so its time for her to respond likewise with a little effort, also being to keen can kill the interest.

Also the reason why I suggest going with a few girls is because if one FALLS through at least you have BACKUPS that you can potentially fall back on should you NEED to. Just make SURE you don't let the GIRLS cross wires otherwise its your BALLS getting punched rather than SUCKED.

So now we are at a point where we are pretty certain that she is INTERESTED, we have concluded that the CHEMISTRY is right. Its time to go get her that little more EXCITED, and to TEMPT her with the PROSPECT that going home with you is the SMARTEST move EVER. And we do this by replicating INTERCOURSE and the way to do it is that SIMPLE. Take her to the DANCE FLOOR.

Yes, one of the best ways to get a girl EXCITED is to do a bit of the GOOD OLE' FASHIONED BUMP AND GRIND. When we are GRINDING, our most INTIMATE parts are pressing upon each other, this not only reaffirms that she is COMFORTABLE with your PRESENCE, it also serves the purposes of increasing the SEXUAL TENSION, it affirms your INTENTIONS, and it does SIMULATE SEX, which is EXCITING, gets the BLOOD PUMPING, and it feels F****G GOOD!!! So what we have done is SUBLIMINALLY prepared her to take this further than the dance floor.

I personally took 2 YEARS of dance lessons, which the ABILITY to dance to any EXTREMITY is a FANTASTIC tool, at separating you from the STANDARD CLASS of guys. Its shows you are more diverse, you are not scared to step out of the usual PARAMETERS of what is classed as MASCULINE, and there is the belief that a GUY who can DANCE, will ULTIMATELY be GREAT in BED.

You don't need to become the next FRED ASTAIRE, but you do have to know how to use your HIPS. Twist from SIDE TO SIDE in the mirror, so that your RIGHT CHEEK swings forward, then your LEFT, as though you are trying to see if there is a STAIN on your PANTS. This is a great way to CENTRALIZE your movement to your HIPS, which is where the THRUSTING, CIRCLING and GRINDING comes from when DANCING. Not on only that a girl can feel your PROTRUSION when DANCING, so its good to make it known that you are great in the SIMULATED section as it is a great TASTER for what is to come later.

So now we are DANCING and if it hasn't already happened yet it is time to look at the ART OF KISSING. THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN A GUY WHO CAN'T KISS!!!

NOTE- ALWAYS MAKE SURE YOU ARE CARRYING CHEWING GUM ON A NIGHT OUT, NOTHING IS MORE GROSS THAN BAD BREATH AND IT IS SUCH A TURN OFF. SO GO GET SOME CHEWY AND CHOMP DOWN, I WILL NEVER EVER CONSIDER GOING ON A NIGHT OUT WITHOUT SOME, AND GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT IT.

KISSING

It is an ART FORM. You have to consider when you are using to much TONGUE, when it is to SLOPPY, when your MOUTH is to wide, what the best way to KISS is to make it more PERSONAL as everyone's KISS is DIFFERENT and what TECHNIQUES work BEST.

At this STAGE you do not want the OVER THE TOP, FULL ON, TONSIL TUSSLE where your TONGUE is WRAPPED around her VOCAL CORDS. This is the time to be PLAYFUL. DON'T go FULL ON, KISS INDIVIDUAL LIPS. GENTLY press against her TOP LIP with YOURS. Only PARTIAL kisses, do not use any TONGUE yet. Then KISS her BOTTOM lip, mix it up a little, VARIATIONS ARE ALWAYS GOOD!!! When SHE starts to LEAN in for the KISS move out, be PLAYFUL don't make it EASY, when it comes to any sexual act, TEASING is a fantastic ingredient to boost EXCITEMENT and the ANTICIPATION OF PLEASURE, it also shows you know WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

Now you can use some tongue, but stay away from being OVERLY SLOPPY. Use your tongue in conjunction with the little KISSES to the LIPS, its adds a bit of MOISTURE. Also when you TONGUE is in her her MOUTH, don't let it just FLOP there, LIFELESS and LIMP, circle it, use it to intertwine with her TONGUE, it increases PLEASURE and once again, SHOWS YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.

Also integrate it with some gentle SUCKING on her LIPS and NIBBLING. These are extra SENSUAL things to do, and I have never met a girl who doesn't LOVE a bit of BITING. It doesn't have to be reserved for necks and other body parts, use it when you are KISSING. It will SPICE it up far more than what your tongue WAGGLING will.

TOUCH TEST

NOW is the PERFECT time to gauge what her intentions are by the TOUCH TEST. ( Basically its feeling her up a bit, but not in a forceful way because that will blow everything out of the water.) Now that we are DANCING, and KISSING, we need to see how close we are to getting to SEX without saying, ' FANCY coming BACK to MINE for a SHAG now?' That is just WRONG, and it makes you so OVERT in your INTENTIONS, instead we do what I call the TOUCH TEST.

It is extremely SIMPLE, when you feel ready, I would say do it while you are KISSING, put your hand on her INNER THIGH, and SEE how close you can get it to her MUFF. If she moves it away, then at that point you still have some way to go or because your in a nightclub she is AWARE of her SURROUNDINGS. If by any chance she allows you to GET all the WAY up, WHY ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT THIS BLOG??? GET FLICKING THAT BEAN!!!

If she does slap you away, its NOT that shes NOT interested. It might be that shes not quite WARMED up enough yet. So its time to look at SEX'S BEST FRIENDS... the EROGENOUS ZONES.

EROGENOUS ZONES

NOTE- WOMEN WANT SEX JUST AS MUCH AS MEN. IN FACT I FIND THEY WANT IT MORE THAN MEN, THEY ARE JUST BETTER AT CONTROLLING THEMSELVES.

So for the LAYMEN, the EROGENOUS ZONES are those extra SENSITIVE SPOTS that make girls KNEES shake when the right amount of PRESSURE is APPLIED. Remember these, they will become your best friends both on the PULL, and in the BEDROOM.

So here are a few of the EROGENOUS ZONES, that in a nightclub we can make USE of. There are more so go check them OUT, become a well rounded LOVER.

1) INNER THIGHS- Try to rub your finger tips up and down the inner thighs, going as HIGH as she will LET you. Also make some LITTLE CIRCLES and mix up the SPEED of these VARIATIONS. Its close to her LADY GARDEN and so you know its doing wonders in getting you closer to the HOLY OF HOLY'S.

2) BUTTOCKS- All though this is quite OBVIOUS, other than the obvious spanking try to get your hand down the BACK of her PANTY LINE and play with the spot, at the top of her CRACK which will TICKLE both of her bum cheeks SIMULTANEOUSLY, DOUBLE THE PLEASURE.

3) NAPE OF THE NECK- Gently BREATHING over this are can send a girls pulse RUSHING SKY HIGH. KISS, BITE, SUCK and STROKE. Also a neat little TRICK, is to LICK across a patch of her NECK then BREATH over that SPOT, it sends a cool rush through her NECK.

4) EARS- This is one of the most PREDOMINANT, EROGENOUS ZONES and one of the MAIN ones to make USE of in a NIGHTCLUB. Brush her hair aside, and like with the neck, KISS, BITE, SUCK and NIBBLE. This is such a SENSITIVE region that she will probably be unable to contain herself, she will SHIVER like mad, and another TRICK to try is breathing heavy as you do this, SIMULATING the noise of PANTING that is associated with when you are actually SHAGGING. It is such a turn on for someone to hear that they are PLEASURING you, so get BREATHING HEAVY ( NOT SNORING THOUGH.)

5) LIPS- This is OBVIOUS and I have talked about KISSING, so I just included it purely for your own KNOWLEDGE.

CAPITULATION

So everything has gone SMOOTHLY. We know shes interested, we've go to the SENSITIVE SPOTS and right now her eyes are NOWHERE else accept for on YOU. This is the time to PROPOSITION her. Try to be smart with your lines, don't be so BLUNT as to say, ' RIGHT, FANCY A F**K NOW?' I usually try to persuade her by feeding her with the fact that I have PLENTY OF ALCOHOL back at mine. On a NIGHT OUT ALCOHOL to FEMALES is like DIAMONDS in liquid form.

If she is declining and OPTING OUT, you have to find out WHY... Don't stop now that you have come so FAR. If she says she doesn't want to sleep with a RANDOM GUY and she will call you to ARRANGE A DATE, try using lines like, ' I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU EITHER, I JUST WANT TO KEEP THE PARTY GOING, TRUST ME IT WILL BE A LAUGH.' Be inquisitive find out more of what makes her TICK and try to be like a POLITICIAN, no matter what her answer is, you have SOMETHING for it. REMEMBER THE EROGENOUS ZONES, GET BACK ON THEM, THEY MAY BE JUST WHATS NEEDED TO CONVINCE HER TO COME BACK FOR A GOOD TIME.

This can be a painful spot because it can go from looking like your all in the CLEAR, to not a HOPE in HELLS CHANCE. So for that reason try not to LEAVE it too LATE in the NIGHT to ask her, so that if you did LINE UP some BACKUP GIRLS you can go back to them OPTIONS. Also with the BACKUP GIRLS, don't always go for the most ATTRACTIVE, go for the most SUSCEPTIBLE TO COMING HOME WITH YOU. Because it is quite OBVIOUS who and who isn't ON IT.

If you have done EVERYTHING right though, she should be SWEEPING into your ARMS and just as GAGGING to get back to yours or her PLACE. HONESTLY, it is all about making sure you HAVE given the exact IMPRESSIONS I have told you about because resistance, for her, will become FUTILE. Also try to get her to leave as EARLY DOORS as possible. If she is already going with you then you KNOW you are IN, however if you wait until EVERYONE else is LEAVING, she may bump into some NEXT MAN as the CROWD filter out, or her friends may GOAD her into getting into the TAXI, and a lot of times its the FRIENDS that can F**K UP your plans.

THE END

WELL that's IT!!! I have done my best in UNRAVELING the SECRETS to MAXIMIZING your CHANCES in the field of the ONE NIGHT STAND. I hope it has helped, and if you have any QUESTIONS, or other SUGGESTIONS and TIPS please COMMENT and I will INCLUDE them into the relevant section. WE FELLAS have to STICK together!!!

PLEASE check out the NEXT INSTALLMENT of my BLOG, which will be about IF I'M HONEST... YOU ARE JUST FRIENDS AND THAT'S ALL YOU WILL BE. It will do exactly what it says on the TIN, and help you DELUDED F*****S get your head out of you ARSES and realize when you should accept JUST BEING FRIENDS.

DEDICATED TO MY AMBA GOCKELEN-MACDOUGALL, SHE HAS TAKEN ME OUT ON SO MANY OCCASIONS ON ALL FEMALE NIGHTS, AND IT IS THERE THAT I LEARN THE MOST ABOUT FEMALES. SO THANK YOU...

ALSO MY HOUSEMATE BEN PALEY, FOR LOANING ME MONEY TO GO OUT ON A REGULAR BASIS AND HONE MY ABILITIES AND TEST MY THEORIES. CHEERS MATE, THIS ONES ON ME.

PS. WOMEN DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT. JUST BECAUSE YOU SLEEP WITH THEM FOR A ONE NIGHT STAND, DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN TREAT THEM WITH DISRESPECT, HURT THEM, BE SEXIST, BE VINDICTIVE AND ATTEMPT TO MAKE THEM LAUGHING STOCKS. THEY ARE GODS MOST SACRED CREATURES AND I HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR WOMEN THAN I DO MEN. WOMEN CAN LIVE WITHOUT MEN, MEN CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT WOMEN. SO HONOR THEM, LOVE THEM, AND CARE FOR THEM.

AND IF SHE SAYS NO IT MEANS NO!!!

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER- @JOSEPHRICHARDS9
FACEBOOK FAN PAGE- JOSEPH RICHARDSON

IF I'M HONEST.... NICE GUYS DON'T GET LAID PART 1

2012-02-10T08:54:00.000-08:00

IF I'M HONEST...

NICE GUYS DON'T GET LAID!!!

PART 1 OF 2- THE TRUTH

I'm only writing this blog purely to express my opinions based on experience, and this is a big one for me. I spend a lot of my time hopping from bed to bed, and as I have been quoted before as saying, ' You have two hours to seal the deal... I want her in my bed and out of it.' Classy I know.

But the point of me writing this blog is I do get asked a lot how I do it and so I decided to do create a two part blog, 1 section to be blatantly honest and I mean blatantly honest. Section number 2 is to try to help out the poor individuals not getting any head in a GUIDE TO GETTING LAID. Heed everything I say as you will most likely find it useful. Firstly don't think you are going to be one of the guys who's bedroom turns into a lost and found for female trinkets and lingerie if you aren't attractive. Being attractive is key with the only thing bettering this being famous or loaded, and if your reading this I'm assuming you aren't.

Now if your the nice guy who always ends up with girls as friends and not as f***'s, your answer for this was stated at the beginning of the sentence. YOUR A NICE GUY. Girls may say they want a nice guy, but it is a load of bollocks, just how they say 'being funny is more important than looks.'

You stick a girl in a room with a guy like Ken Dodd (British comedian) and lets say for balance, David Tennant (British Actor) They will undoubtedly go for the attractive guy and not the funny one. Learn fellas that girls chat SHIT!!!

Take for example one of the lines I once used in a nightclub, bearing in mind I had never met the girl before. I walked up to her oozing arrogance, stood to her side and inclined my head slightly towards her without looking and uttered the most egotistical sentence of my life, ' look love... I don't really care about your name and I don't want your phone number, but if you come home with me, you will have the best night of your life and in the morning you go home.' The rest as they say is history, so if your a girl reading this and are disgusted by my sentiments, trust me it WORKS.

I am in a majority discussing the art of one night stands here as opposed to relationships, although I do have previous experience of them they are not my strong point. Maybe in a relationship the nice guy can end up succeeding, the question there is though FOR HOW LONG?

Sooner or later the girl will get bored, take advantage of you and leave you heartbroken. Not being funny, I WOULD TO!!! Relationships need to be exciting and intense and a nice guy just does not do that for many girls, which is why when you see a girl with an absolute prick, like such as myself, next time ask yourself... WHY?The simple answer being, we offer danger and are spontaneous, we take them away from the mundane and normality of everyday life and love.

Also the nice guy tends to blow his chances before they even really start ( Call it the premature ejaculation of picking up). He comes on too strong and too needy, texting back instantly to every message and professing his undying love in a matter of moments.Come on you soppy b*****'s, GET A GRIP!!! ( I will be providing all my expertise on the subjects and issues raised within this segment in section 2, but first off I do need to highlight all the facts to you before I answer them.)

Another problem with nice guys is that they can be too scared to chat to girls as well, instantly ruling themselves out of them game. 'If you don't plant the seed, then its not going to grow.' Girls will rarely come to the guy and chat them up, so it is up to us as the male sex to engage our opposite members in the art of conversation. A nice guy generally comes across as a friend because he does not know how to be implicitly sexual, he is afraid to fail, and thus he is afraid to take a chance. GROW A F*****G PAIR!!!

Now that I have finished this brief interlude on why, IF IM HONEST... NICE GUYS DON'T GET LAID. I will be as I stated, composing a second part advising guys on HOW TO GET LAID and in parallel discussing the ART TO GAME. So check that out and lets get you KNEE DEEP IN CLUNGE!!!