Okay, so here was the situation. I’ve been officially broken up with my ex-girlfriend, Megan, for several months now, and in the interim we were doing this quasi-dating-fuck-buddy thing. That ended about two weeks ago, or at least I thought it had, until I invited her to meet me out for dinner to catch up.  Yeeeah, you know where this is headed.

We went to dinner, had a great time, drank a bunch of mojitas, and then magically appeared back at her place. I think I needed to pick up a book or something (full disclosure: I borrowed book 1 of the Twilight series and did in fact need to borrow book 2). We were clearly still attracted to each other and there was plenty of sexual tension throughout dinner. I knew I was going to make some kind of move, didn’t know what it would be, and I also knew the evening could only end in severe disappointment or totally awesomely, nothing in-between.

At her place. I waited for an opportune moment, came up behind her, put my arms around her waist, and started kissing her ears and neck. It’s worth noting that I didn’t know if she would go for it, afterall we were broken up, and the move could have easily backfired, but I figured fuck it and I was in. Then I ran my hands up and down her body and gave her ass a few little squeezes. There was monster sexual tension and I had a hard-on that I could have smashed a cinder block with. She moaned quietly with her eyes closed.

Still standing, I reached under her dress and pulled her panties down to her ankles. I kissed my way down her body and made my way between her legs. I started lapping at her pussy. It was delicious. She moaned and shuddered. I thought she was going to come right then and there. While she was still standing, my head between her legs, I licked her until she came.  Then I moved her to the couch and set her on her back. She took her dress off en route. I went down on her again, this time seriously getting into it, doing some crazy shit with my tongue and fingers. She orgasmed twice more, at least, each one building in intensity. I wasn’t done though, I kept at it, starting slowly and then building again, this time putting my tongue directly in her pussy and rubbing her clit with one hand. She came again like a hand grenade blowing up. It was friggin hot, and I have to admit I loved going down on her.

I was going to lead her into the bedroom and give her the Lance business, but she had other ideas. She set me up on the couch and took my cock into her mouth. She got totally into it, sucking away. In her living room, by candlelight, with her sucking my cock, it was gorgeous. People, I’ve had plenty of great blowjobs, but this was far and away the best of the lot. Seriously, the combination of sexual tension, familiarity, naughtiness like we weren’t supposed to be together again, and time away from each other amped it up to the max.

It built until I exploded. This was the most intense, most insane, hardest orgasm I’ve ever had, ever, and it was so intense it was painful. I had to physically make her stop doing stuff while I writhed around in pleasure/pain. Major sensory overload.

Afterwards, we spent the night together. Here’s the fucked up thing. In the morning, I woke up and had this horrible pain in my groin. I figured I must have pulled a muscle. The pain extended all the way to my right nut, though, and I couldn’t quite figure out what I had done to myself. Walking around and sitting was annoyingly painful. I ended up talking to a pal of mine about the world beating blowjob and he said I likely pulled a cremaster muscle, which is the muscle that attaches to the back of the testicle and moves it around when your nuts get hot or cold. Not making this up, this muscle actually exists. The nut muscle.

So there it is. A blowjob so intensely powerful that I pulled my nut muscle. I’m sitting here writing this blog post and my nut is a little bit sore right now. Can you believe it?

If you’ve ever pulled a nut muscle, you might also like these posts:

• The Dirtiest Filthiest Sex Ever
• Downgrade Your Relationship to Upgrade Your Sex Life
• Filthy Anal Sex on New Years Eve
• Vegas memorial Weekend Sextacular

So you date. Do you date at the level you’d like to date? And by that I mean are the people showing interest in you as hot as you’d like? If not, well I know one very solid way to raise your game. Get fit!! Seriously kids, it raises your confidence level as well as your physical appearance. And are hot guys and hot babes ever attracted to confident, fit people.

Ok, so you say “Oh, but I hate the gym. I can’t afford the gym… blah blah blah…” Well sorry, your excuses suck!! And here’s why. I hate going to the gym too. I mean really hate it. Big muscle-heads powering me out of their way, smelly guys who haven’t bathed in days sweating it out, equipment that is never free when I need it, friends who only want to yak their heads off making my workout twice as long listening to their incessant chatter? Right. Hate it. So, I don’t go. I’m fit. As a matter of fact, I’m VERY fit. And I got this way without ever stepping foot in a gym.

Take a look at the video. I show you how you can get fit at home, even if your space is extremely small (like mine is).

So listen kids, get the hell off your couch and get rocking with the weight stack. You won’t regret it, trust me. And next time that hot guy or hot babe looks your way and smiles you’ll even thank me!!

Working hard at keepin’ it real
Girlwithnoname

If you enjoyed watching Jackie work out, you might also like these fine posts:

• Lilly’s Diet and Fitness
• How to Get Phone Numbers, Prevent Flakes, Get Dates
• Takeways from Vegetarian and No-Alcohol Experiments
• Can he Come Too Soon?

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Second, remember how I’d been trying to decide whether I should go back to school or take on some freelance work?  Well, in this post I mention that I’d decided to go for the school thing, since (as DD tells me repeatedly) it’s a) a kickass opportunity to try something new and different, that is b) also super-cheap.  I applied last week (after the pleasant surprise that employees don’t have to pay application fees) and am admitted – as soon as I can find the time for my previous university to send over my proof of MMR then I’m good to go!

Side note: it’s okay for me to WORK here, directly with the students, with no proof of MMR, but when it comes to taking classes – whoa!  Somebody better make sure that girl had her shots!  Um, what?

In any case, I’ve identified some potential courses for the fall and my backup (a women’s studies course in the same area as my diss) seems like it will work if none of the interesting communications courses open up.  Then, lo and behold, I get an e-mail from a former sorority sister that works at a publishing house. 

Apparently, this company that sometimes contracts work through them was looking for someone to develop an online course, and they were under a time crunch and coming up empty on someone with the necessary qualifications (a PhD in English/writing, experience taking & teaching online courses, experience working with adult learners).  Well, in a fit of desperation he was looking through LinkedIn and came across my profile (I’m friends with 2 or 3 other folks who also work there, and I used to do contract work for them when I was getting my Master’s, so he saw my name come up multiple times).

She e-mailed me, I e-mailed him, and $2500 later, I am going to be flown to the East Coast for two days next week (all expenses paid in addition to the flat fee for the work).  And he assures me that 2/3 of the work is going to take place while I’m there in person, with minimal follow-up before and after.  SWEET!!!!  Plus my name’s out there if any of the three publishing/educational companies that are involved with this project need anything else done.

Now the only question is whether to put it all toward my credit card or do something like a credit card payment of $1000, put $500 in savings (since taxes won’t be taken out), and do something utterly fantastic with the other $1000, like get myself a year’s membership to a yoga gym.  What an absolutely delicious pickle, and all without having to choose between school and freelance work!  I do think that since I’m out about $1200 for the year because of furlough, this windfall won’t affect the bottom line of my taxes too much, but it never hurts to be sure.

Networking/Game Lessons: put your name out there as many ways as you can, keep in touch with everyone, and be open to possibilities!

What would you do with the $$?  I have about $4600 in savings, about $5800 in credit card debt, and no room in my regular monthly budget for anything that’s not a necessary expense.  Leave your advice below, and then check out these also-upbeat posts:

• Now I’m Cookin’
• Help!  I’m Getting Laid Too Much!
• Honey’s Perfect First Date
• Anatomy of Three Pickups

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Of all the tall people I’ve meet through work and other avenues, the tall ones are ALWAYS the awkward, gangly types. I’m talking 95% here. Yes, I’ve bumped into a few tall VP’s and CEO’s who are decent leaders, but they weren’t the leaders I would follow to hell and back. In fact, I generally find white, male (tall) management types soft and unattractive. The men and women who are TRUE leaders are always the medium sized, highly intelligent, highly socialized, often times physically attractive folks (but not always).

I draw my conclusions from being a professional sports coach, where I’ve coached well over 1000 athletes, and also from working in various tech businesses. Overwhelmingly, the people who are “tall” are not the leaders. The leaders, the ones who are really compelling, are the medium sized peeps. These leaders have traits in common, and here they are:

1. Excellent articulation: True leaders have an excellent capacity to express themselves and put thoughts into words. Not only do they communicate well, but they know what to say and when to say it. They also know when to shut up and let their people talk. In social artistry, we call this calibration. Good leaders are well calibrated.

2. Excellent Empathy: You vibe with your people on an emotional level and have compassion. More than anything, having empathy will bring you followers. This is always combined with #1 above.

3. Excellent body language: Every social artist knows that body language can make up for nearly every physical “deficit” he might have. Only 5′4?No problem. Don’t fidget. Don’t slouch. Stand up straight and project like you’re the fucking man. Great BL will blow away a tall sloucher any day of the week. See my personal example below.

4. Attitude: You’re confident, occasionally cocky, and project an attractive attitude. You’re also cool as a cucumber.

5. Presentation: Not as important in a sports environment, but critical in business. Dress well and sport a great haircut and you’re halfway there. Seriously, simply outdressing everyone gives you a huge edge. Also, don’t just dress well, but dress uniquely.

6. Walk the walk: No question, you have to be talented in your niche and produce the goods when needed. Don’t think for a second you can bullshit your way to success. If you’re a pretender, everyone will know it.

That’s basically it. Forget plastic surgery and lifts to get yourself over six-foot. If you can deliver the goods and cover the items above, it won’t matter how tall you are, and to a certain extant, how good you look. Almost every great leader I’ve ever met was neither tall nor good looking; he or she simply knew what they wanted and fucking OWNED it.

Interesting Personal Example: This happened to me after I wrote the post. I met with a potential freelance client for dinner. He was 6′5 and weighed probably 240 lbs. A big dude. He was also out of shape and had terrible body language. I rocked up with my alpha body language, projected cool, spoke with authority, and blew the guy away. Seriously, my vibe was so alpha that he couldn’t look me in the eye until midway through dinner and he keep playing with his hands. I made in-roads over dinner and by the end he was my BFF. By no stretch of the imagination am I a tall dude.

P-Trunk, I still think you’re hot even though you’re tall and gangly. Don’t get a nosejob, that would be super gay.

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Well he woke up with a list of errands that he wanted to run…he didn’t get out of bed until after noon, so I asked whether we were still having lunch.  Then there was a disagreement about how to cook the fish…he did end up doing it on the grill (which was my preference) but between that and the fact that making lunch didn’t give him enough time to get one of the most important errands (having some dress shirts tailored) done and also we got to the car dealership to pick up our floor mats and wheel covers 20 minutes before they said they would close…and they were closed.

So he was crabby all day – then a friend of his wanted to go out for drinks that night.  He’d been avoiding calling her because he hoped she’d forget, but she remembered so we set it up.  He went to take a nap and asked me to wake him up around 8:45 (we were meeting her at 9)…well I fell asleep in front of the TV and didn’t wake up until 9:30.  Somehow this was my fault and he hadn’t shaken his crummy ‘tude from earlier in the day, but off we went to the bar.

Where he was negative all night and picked a fight with me over nothing important and didn’t apologize until Monday, despite the fact that he got too drunk to drive his new car home so I was the DD and walked his dog after we got back (at 2 a.m.).  I realize now that he just woke up that way and I should’ve a) not said anything about the fish, and b) not accompanied him on his errands or to the bar.   I have a tendency to want to be around him when he is like that to make sure that he’s okay, but it never does any good.  I need to be stronger about leaving him alone until he’s over whatever’s bothering him.

We don’t have days like this often but when we do it is really disheartening.  I know that I have taken things out on him before when he had nothing to do with why I was cranky, but…

Fortunately he heard that his work is not going to have any layoffs after all…he heard this from someone at his level and so is going to try and verify this with his supervisor.  Hopefully it is true, in which case he can stop killing himself and get a little work/life balance again.  Then maybe he’ll act like a human being.

In other news, while I won’t be blogging about it as much as DD, but I have gotten on the Weight Watchers bandwagon.  I am 5′3″ and currently 147 lbs (size 8).  My goal is 120, which is where I look and feel the best.  Wish me luck!  I am also thinking about joining a yoga gym and getting a corporate massage membership through work…I have had the same crick in my neck for over a month.  It is time to start taking care of myself!

Oh, and I got copies of my dissertation in the mail yesterday!  The BF was flipping through a copy and, pointing to the “acknowledgments” page, said, “where did you acknowledge ME?”  I told him to flip the page and there it was…I dedicated the whole thing to him.  He was thrilled - he had no idea I’d done that.  He was a beaming, giggly mess for at least 15 minutes and said, “well I guess we have to stay together forever, or else that dedication will be kind of awkward” (especially since I didn’t dedicate it to him by name, but using an ooshy-gooshy nickname…).

How was your weekend?  Let me know below, and then procrastinate whatever you should be doing by reading these posts instead:

• What Is Romance?
• How to Spot a Fake Match.com Profile
• Weekend Beach Sextacular
• Working Out A Sex Schedule

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

I also didn’t see as much of him this week because I went with a dozen or so ladies from the alum club to see a sneak preview of a movie that opens today called Away We Go.  I thought this movie was excellent – do yourselves a favor and go see it.  Don’t be fooled by the description – it was written by Dave Eggers, whose memoir, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, comes pretty darn close to living up to its title.  In fact, once the credits started rolling and I saw he’d written it, I felt pretty dumb for not recognizing his writing 5 minutes into the movie.  Which is what I said after the movie and none of the other ladies knew who Dave Eggers was.

Ooops.

Watch the trailor:

In other extremely exciting news, my supervisor informed me that it was free for employees to apply to take classes, and that pushed me over the edge in my decision-making.  I’ll be officially a “non-degree seeking” student by next week!  I’ve e-mailed the professors for two communications courses, two political science courses, and one women’s studies course in an attempt to decide what I’ll be taking this fall.

Unfortunately, the most promising course (with the nicest professor) is full (Rhetoric and the Public Sphere) and another (Game Theory) was ruled out because they’re going to do the mathematical proofs and the professor said that differential equations and calculus would both be necessary.  I don’t think so!  We’ll see what happens, though I am interested in game theory long-term and may also register as non-degree-seeking at the undergrad level so I can take some advanced math classes.  I’ll keep you posted!

What are your weekend plans?  Let us know, and if you don’t have anything in particular planned, try filling the void with these fantastic posts:

• Top 5 Benefits of Monogamous Sex
• 5 Ways to Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life
• What I Want vs. What I Want
• How I Met My Fuck Buddy

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

The truth is being a great date or partner is about balance. You have to be both selfish AND selfless…the tricky part is figuring out when to give your needs/wants/desires priority vs when to give the other person’s needs/wants/desires priority. And, I think that balance is different for different people.

Not only do I think that’s the truth of it, I know that for me, how much to give and how much to take has been a huge struggle because of my experiences growing up.

As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, my mother was quadriplegic by the time I was in high school.  The dynamic of my home was pretty much my dad calling all the shots on what needed to be done re: taking care of her, paying bills, cooking, cleaning, laundry, trying to rein in my crazy sister (who by this time was getting arrested, dropping out of high school, getting pregnant…) and me being the one who actually did it all.  Now, in retrospect I don’t blame my dad for his reaction: his wife was dying.  However, despite the fact that I can empathize with him, clearly this didn’t foster a healthy family unit (today, we talk about 4-6 times per year, and I talk to my sister even less).

Many people believe that the dynamic of your home while growing up, even if negative, tends to register as “normal” to you, and therefore we have a tendency to replicate those dynamics in our adult relationships.  It certainly seemed like this was going to be the case for me - my experience with relationships led to me losing my virginity to a guy who was even more controlling than my dad, and physically and emotionally abusive to boot.  My second major relationship wasn’t much better in terms of a healthy balance – again and again, I was the one who was expected to compromise and do all the work, while the guy sometimes would reward me by…well, I guess a temporary reprieve from the usual dynamic was all the reward I got, actually.

After a brief swing to to the other side of the pendulum, I ended things with a guy who was a complete and utter doormat, desperate to please me in any way that he could.  I actually ended things not because he wasn’t a fine fellow (though he actually turned out to be clinically depressed, which explained a lot) but because I hated who I was becoming – the person who held increasingly impossible-to-meet standards that were enforced in an ever more nasty manner.  I felt no different from all the exes that I (rightly) despised, and that knowledge made me sick inside.

So my dating life became a struggle to find the balance that Kenley describes: clearly, I was willing and able to make sacrifices and compromise for another person.  I’d done it tons of times, mostly to my detriment.  I also wasn’t comfortable being the demanding one.  And further, I have enough strongly-held lifestyle beliefs and values that are in the minority that make it difficult for me to find happiness with a significant percentage of the population. 

As a result, I became a lot more assertive (note that I didn’t say unreasonable or rude) about what my criteria were for a partner.  I also became a lot more proactive about ending things as soon as I knew that the possibility just wasn’t there.  I got a lot of flak from my friends for ending things after one date (”you’re too picky!” “how do you really know it wouldn’t work after meeting them just once?”) so I briefly experimented with a three-date minimum…only to realize, every single time, that I felt the same way at the end of date one as I did at the end of date three, except now the guy had dropped a fairly significant amount of time and cash on me and was that much more likely to take my decision to end things personally/as a rejection.  So I went back to doing things my way.

And ended up with a guy that is absolutely perfect for me.  I am happier than I’ve ever been – and guess what?  I realized it on our first date.  I don’t have to worry that I’m giving too much of myself to him, because he gives all of himself back.  And while I’m flattered that EMK would think that I left all those previous fellows “scarred,” I think the far more likely outcome is that they don’t even remember my name.

What’s your philosophy on give-and-take?  Leave a comment below.  Then try these fine posts:

• Online Dating: Honey’s Greatest Hits
• I Want a Tall, Handsome, Ambitious Man to Sweep Me Off My Feet Because I Love to Laugh!
• Unlikely Superheroes: The Men of Match
• How to Spot a Fake Match.com Profile
• The Art of Being Picky: What’s Negotiable and What’s Not

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

Why A New Car

Currently, the BF drives a 13-year-old Jeep Grand Cherokee.  There are several unfortunate things about the car, but the most important are: 1) it gets about 8 mpg on the highway, and 2) it has started experiencing mechanical failure because of its age…in addition to the fact that he’s had to get towed about 3 times in the last 6 months or so, the power locks on the front doors don’t work, nor does the retractable antennae, and thus, the radio.

This is an issue that has been on our radar for the last several months, ever since the first time we had to get it towed. He had about $3K set aside for a down payment.  Originally he’d been thinking that he would spend $7-9K and get a used car, but it turns out that doesn’t buy you much these days.  Neither of us has bought a new car in over 6 years so we were a bit dismayed by how much prices have gone up even for used cars.

The Timeline

So Friday after I went to bed he was watching the local news and there was a story about a Chrystler/Jeep/Dodge dealership that was being liquidated/closed because of the bancruptcy.  The reporter had just bought a new car there and said that they had to liquidate their entire inventory of new cars by Tuesday.  So the BF decided to go up there…originally he wanted me to go with him but I had a pedicure appointment that I couldn’t cancel, so he drove up on his own on Saturday.

When I got out of my appointment he called and said that he thought he was going to buy a car and really wanted my opinion, so I drove up there too.  We had a late lunch while he told me all about the car, then we walked back over to the dealership…it was a madhouse (to be expected) so the salesmen gave him the keys so that I could test drive it, too.  I liked it fine - the only complaint I had was minor – the rear window is tinted dark enough that it’s hard to see out - so we decided to see what they could give us.  The BF and the salesman went back and forth for awhile and then the BF said that he’d take it if they’d give it to him for $15,500 and to our surprise they agreed!

So he ended up with a 60-month contract and the payments are about $300/mo.  The interest rate is about 7% for those of you who find this interesting…I’m sure his credit looks great right now because he recently transferred about $7K to one of my empty credit cards for the better interest rate.  This will mean he pays off his credit cards a little slower but he can still easily afford all his monthly expenses.  He’s going to sell his Jeep (he thinks he can get $3K for it, we’ll see) and is trying to decide whether he should then put that toward the Avenger too and refinance right away, or just put it back in his savings account. I lean toward the latter.

The Car

The one he ended up with actually looks exactly like the one pictured – black (with the sparkles, not matte), with those same rims and spoiler.  It had 210 miles on it and gets 21/30 mpg.  There is, no kidding, a beverage chiller that holds up to 4 cans, the stereo system plays MP3 CDs and also has a 20g hard drive so you can download all your songs into the car and then not have to have your iPOD player in the car.  He also gets SIRIUS radio free for a year.  Apparently the speakers are really nice quality, too, but I don’t care enough about those things to remember what he told me about them   The front panel of the radio has a touch-screen and slides out to take CDs in and out.

So at least one of us finally was able to cash in on all these fabulous recession deals!

What recession deal would you most like to cash in on?  Leave a comment below and then try these excellent posts:

• Finances and Dating
• First Date in Human History Transacted with Entrecard Credits
• Work, Circadian Rhythms, and Sex Drive
• The Dirtiest Filthiest Sex Ever

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

In celebration, I threw away the 5 full drafts of my dissertation with my committee members’ feedback that I’d been saving “just in case.”  The BF noticed the giant box was gone out of the middle of our living room when he got home, and was very pleased.  I have some other things that can probably be thrown away now, as well (chapter drafts, my proposal stuff, some comprehensive exams drafts and notes) but they’re currently “away” so it’s not as urgent.

Also in celebration, I decided to make an appointment at the Biltmore Spa to use the gift certificate the BF got me for Christmas last year.  There is now one $80 champagne pedicure coming my way – and I still have $20 on the certificate to use either on a) a fancy drink while I am having my feet done, or b) whatever extra treatment they talk me into while I am there.  My feet are starting to get that Arizona-leathery summertime look, so this would be the perfect time to treat myself even if I wasn’t a doctor.

I’ve never been to the Biltmore before, but I know it’s a fabulous hotel (case in point: my valet parking will be comped because of my spa appointment).  Hooray!

New Hobbies

In other news, when we moved to our new place, I decided that because a) our new kitchen had so much more counter space, and b) because I own at least 10 vegetarian cookbooks, that cooking would be my new hobby.  It’s something that I can do at home, something that’s feasible with my new 15-minute commute, and since we have to eat anyway it might as well be delicious, right?

It’s kind of an adventure, since there’s about a 50/50 chance that the recipe will be something that we enjoy, but the BF says (and I agree) that the quality of my cooking has increased dramatically since I picked up my new “hobby.”  I always had a few staples up my sleeve (marinated baked tofu, enchiladas, banana bread, and my zesty summer salad all are things that I made regularly before), but now I’m really branching out.

Now there have been some things that were only eh and others that made me cry (I describe a pretty significant casserole drama in the comments of this post).  However, there are lots of things – the quinoa casserole, the mexican pizza, the zucchini casserole, the “beef” stew, the chimichangas – that have turned out great!  Last night was a new adventure: Pad Thai.  The BF loves Pad Thai, so he was vacillating between excitement because it’s his favorite and nervousness that it wouldn’t be good.

It was the best Pad Thai either of us has ever had.  He ate THREE servings!

And, even better – he was playing Full Tilt poker online with one of his friends (i.e., they called each other before the game started so they could get in the same “room”) and said, “now I can’t play too long because Honey’s making dinner.”  When his friend asked what I was making and the BF said Pad Thai, he was like, “Your girlfriend cooks for you?!  I’m so jealous!!!”  The BF said that made him almost, almost as happy as the Pad Thai.

If you’re interested in vegetarian cooking that’s simple and tasty (and better for the environment than meat!) my go-to books are Skinny Bitch In the Kitch, Meatless Dishes in Twenty Minutes, and The Vegetarian 5-Ingredient Gourmet.  The Pad Thai recipe came from Skinny Bitch.

Vacation

I also just booked my summer vacation (for a low low flight of $139).  I’m going to Denver for five days to visit my best friend from grad school, who recently had a baby son.  While I am not especially excited about the baby part, it’ll be nice to see her – she had gestational diabetes while she was pregnant so I only talked to her about 3 times during the last trimester and only once in the two months or so since the baby’s been born.  We used to practically live in each other’s pockets and talk at least 5 times per day!

Of course, I’ll have to share her company with not only the new baby, but also her boyfriend, 13-year old daughter,  three cats, and a dog, but I’m sure it’ll be a happy chaos.  And while I return from Denver on a Wednesday, I took the whole week off work, so I’ll have a four-day “staycation” when I return before heading back.  From someone who has always been a student, being paid to take time off still seems like an impossible luxury.

Also on the potential summer schedule are a party (which the BF claims he will plan, which is fine with me!), learning how to cook crab on our grill, and a long fourth of July weekend in Rocky Point, Mexico.

What are you up to this summer?  Let us know your plans, and then check out these fine posts:

• Why He’s “The One,” or 5 Fun Facts About Honey and the BF
• Takeaways from Vegetarian and No-alcohol Experiments
• Best. Party. Ever.
• Vegetarian Update: Hallucinations, Blindness, Loss of MotOr COntr0L

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.

I originally found Dream through his blog, The Dream Lounge. There were two things that separated Anthony from the rest of the pack of blogging PUA’s. Firstly, he was young, 19 at the time I started reading. Dream’s stuff was fresh, intelligent, and he tackled his subjects with curiosity and a critical eye. Secondly, he didn’t just write about picking up chicks. His blog delved into life hacking, fitness, and a variety of other subjects. You can find the old blogspot version of his blog here and the new Dreamlounge.net here. I recommend them both. One of my absolute favorite posts, the one that prompted me to ask him for an interview, is where he talks about ditching shoes and trying barefoot running.

Not really sure what to expect from a 20-year-old PUA, I sat down with Dream over a long lunch and let the recorder go. I was pleasantly surprised at what  a cool cat he was. He really wasn’t a pickup artist, or at least he didn’t flaunt that side of his personality. I found him to be a down-to-Earth guy, very easy to connect with, and exactly the type of critical thinker that I sensed from his writing.

Do you consider yourself a pickup artist?

I’m not a big fan of labels, especially pickup artists. Being labeled a pickup artist will attract a lot of weird shit into your life. So no, I wouldn’t say I’m a pickup artist. At a certain point in my life, I did identify with that heavily. At this point, as far as women are concerned, me going out to bars and stuff, I’m just a guy that goes out.

How did you get into pickup and the community?

I was going to my senior homecoming and this girl said she would go with me and she was really hot. My reaction was like, Oh my God, what do I do now. I went to my computer and did a search on “how to dance at a club.” It pulled up a link to  Fastseduction.com. I read about how to dance and it was part of a guide on pickup. I read all this stuff on Fastseduction and it was so unconventional. It hooked it me real deep. Over time, I got into more books, I read The Game, I joined forums, TOP Lair, started going out a lot more. Things just kind of went from there.

How good were you with girls prior to getting into the community? Did you have trouble attracting women?

I was absolutely horrible with women. I was either too scared to talk, way too needy/clingy, or just an asshole. Never anywhere in between. Obviously, I was a virgin, and had kissed a total of three women upon finding the community. Long story short…my social life was next to non-existent and women avoided me like the plague. I was bad with women, and it wasn’t a secret.

And, of course, I played a lot of World of Warcraft.

You said something earlier that being a PUA attracts weird shit into your life. What do you mean by that?

Weird shit is manipulative and not helpful to your learning process. If you think you can manipulate a girl’s emotional state with words and touching her a certain way, even if you can, it’s weird. In the long run it’s going to hurt you and the people around you. Normal stuff can still be tactical stuff.  Inner game material is normal to me. Getting your life handled, that’s normal.

How does someone go about getting their life handled?

It’s different for every person. The biggest thing is that you don’t have any big clouds looming over your head about stuff you should be doing. Are you sick of being lonely and not having a girlfriend? Go out and figure out how to meet women. Are you overweight? Lose weight and quit talking about it. Do you hate your job? Quit, figure out stuff now, not later.

How skilled are you at attraction and pickup? How many hours did you put in and what types of things did you do to acquire your skill?

Hmmm, a tough question to answer. Maybe its better left for readers to conclude on their own.

My time spent “in-field” is borderline insane considering I’m only 20–literally thousands of hours. I literally spent 3-5 nights a week approaching my first year-and-a-half of college. And not just a few a night….a ton. At the end of that time period I still didn’t have the ability to bring women home that I found attractive in the same night (and this was something I always had stuck in my head since finding the community, the infamous SNL). So, out of frustration, I opted to go out every single night for 4 months straight or until I hit 3,000 cold approaches. Three-and-a-half months in, and nearly half a dozen Same Night Lay’s later, I hit 3,000 approaches.

While I’m not claiming this was the most effective way to learn this stuff, that’s what I did, and it worked for me.

Other interesting things I did included a lot of traveling and meeting up with guys who were more experienced. I met this 17-year-old who went by “Devious” in San Fransisco. I traveled to SF in December of 2006 to hang out with this supposed high school master for a few days. He did not disappoint when he pulled a girl our age into a bathroom during the middle of the day for a quick BJ–in less than 5 minutes.

He then walked me through the same process but I only got as far as a makeout…boo hoo, right?

Finally, I’ve written a lot in the “community”, both in blogs and on forums. I would estimate I have well over 10,000 posts floating around all the community forums I’ve been on over the years, many of which were simple journal entries detailing my nights out.

As far as women go, what are you looking for right now? A girlfriend? Multiple girlfriends? Just keep it casual?

I’m at a sort of transition point in my life right now and have been for months. I’ve been hooking up with women still, but that inital “excitement” from my SNL jump start has definitely faded. You could say I’m interested in having my first GF, but at the same time I’m not a big fan of marriage, or even long term monogamy for that matter. I guess I’m just facing the question at a young age, what the fuck do I do with my life now?

Talk to me about dating and relationships. Where do you think this is all headed in the future?

I see a lot of relationships that are love-hate, it’s a constant flux up and down. 9 out of 10 relationships are like that. In the future, I think that will change, there will be more pure, more true relationships. Even though it might not work out in the end, along the way it won’t be so up-and-down. And even if you do breakup, you’re still on good terms. You said you and your girlfriend broke up awhile ago, you guys are still cool with each other, you’re still friends. You’re not hating each other and then getting back together and then hating each other again. I feel like a lot of people my age are stuck in that cycle of love and hate.

I think you do have to go through some love-hate relationships to learn from them. But in the long run, you want it to be pretty stable. If it’s up and down, even though it makes you feel alive, all that drama and crap, it doesn’t work. It’s always going to mess up in the end. In the long run, you have to find somebody that you balance out with and make it pretty steady. You need more balance, more love, more patience, don’t be selfish.

If you enjoyed reading this interview, you might also enjoy these posts:

• 7 Thoughts Leaders in the Dating & Pickup Industry
  
• Thought Leader Interview Series: David Wygant
• Thought Leader  Interview Series: Sinn
• Thought Leader Interview Series: Evan Marc Katz

© Copyright 2009, Reckless Abandon, LLC. All rights reserved.