Sex Update

We’re still not having sex quite as much as I would like, but we are managing to get in some solid nooky in in the weekends (including more pool sex…that thing is like an aphrodisiac, I can’t believe that we haven’t been using it more in the last year we’ve been at this place).  We managed to even work in a weekday last week, so I have high hopes that we’re on our way to getting a rhythm in place.

The fact that other couples have/have had this problem, too, has helped me relax immensely.  I am in many ways a true Virgo and major changes in my routine are quite upsetting to me (though I am on the cusp of Leo and capable of real warmth and spontaneity, big adjustments that I know are permanent are very, very tough).

Birthday Update, Woot!

Speaking of Virgo, the fact that my birthday is approaching is awesome!  This weekend!  The BF actually just called me to ask if I had any preferences for a gift (he and I have like 3-page single spaced bulleted lists of gift ideas that are organized by category…yes, that’s the Virgo part of me for sure).  It’s nice because we can get things that we know we like, and the lists are so long that there’s still no telling what the other person would get.

We are probably just going to do dinner someplace nice for the actual day…I’d considered having a party but totally slacked when I started this new job and before I knew it, it was too late to plan something (plus I don’t really have my *own* friends here yet, and while I like his friends, it’s not quite the same).

Other “Couple-Friendly” Activities

Since this is turning into a kind of potpourri of my life right now, I should also say that our latest “couple” activity that isn’t sex is cooking together.  We’re both veggie (he switched about two and a half years ago, just before he met me, while I’ve been veggie for about 8 years) and own a ton of cookbooks, plus a vegan friend of mine runs a cooking blog.  She not only lists the recipes, but how they turned out and how easy/difficult they are to cook, which is a nice screening tool.

This weekend we made the baked tofu for about the fifth time (see my guest post on dadshouse blog for the recipe…I know there are some tofu doubters out there and I actually usually don’t care for tofu dishes myself, but this is seriously one of the five most fucking delicious things I have ever put in my mouth) and also vegan won tons in our deep fryer.

We will definitely make the won tons again (and the Tofutti Better than Cream Cheese was surprisingly indistinguishable from “real” cream cheese…Better than Sour Cream is next on the list to try).  They are actually one of the nicer foods to cook together as a couple since one package of won ton wrappers makes so many that one person stuffing them and one person deep frying them makes for a nice little assembly line that allows both people to talk while they work.  However, I think we will make them when we have a bunch of people over, because the recipe makes a shit-ton of won tons and they aren’t nearly as good reheated.  Unlike the baked tofu, which is fucking unbelievably mindblowingly fantastic hot or cold.

And that’s the news, folks.  What is your favorite thing (outside of sex) to do with your significant other (when you have one, if you don’t currently)?

Just to recap, I picked Gina up in a bar in another state about two months ago, took her home, and closed her. We spent the weekend hanging out and had a great time. Shortly thereafter I established a long distance fuck buddy (LDFB) relationship. Since we live in other states, this was the only option. Going through the memory banks I realized I’ve had several LDFBs, but this is the first one where I concretely established it from the get-go. She was all for it.

On Friday we hung out at the Tiki Bar all day and got hammered. I “picked up” a 4-set of three guys and a girl so that we’d have peeps to hang out with. This worked out awesomely as we partied with this group the entire day and night and had a fantastic time. That night, we bar hopped around Daytona and whooped it up. One of our stops was Molly Brown’s, a strip club that Gina had absolutely no problem going into.

On Saturday we parked it on the beach and soaked up rays. Minimal drinking because I was hungover, although we strapped it on that night and hit the bars again. We shot pool at Oyster’s, which is possibly the dirtiest bar I’ve ever been to (dirty in a bad way). I PU’ed another dude, this time a skinny Hawaiian guy in town visiting. Again, I was making instant friends in order to pump up the fun. This is pretty standard issue socializing for me and I do it practically every time I go out with a girl. If you’re hanging out with a hot chick, it’s a cinch to make friends with strangers because you’re pre-selected.

Saturday night we splashed around in the ocean and ended up having sex on the beach. Of course, you can’t have sex on the beach without getting BUSTED by six different people, which is exactly what happened. That’s what I get for getting frisky right in front of the hotel. It was a freakin riot and it was like I was back in high school. Scratch that, I never had sex on the beach in high school. We also squeezed in some jacuzzi-tub sex and sex in a few other places.

What’s Up With Gina?

We acted exactly like gf-bf during the weekend and I even got to the point where I was introducing her as my girlfriend to strangers. I did it simply to diffuse any awkwardness when people found out we lived in different states. AT NO POINT during the weekend did we talk about our relationship, moving forward, if we’re dating other people, or our love lives in general. We lived completely in the present. The whole weekend was a great experience and I don’t think either of us had a problem with how it played out…in fact, I think it worked out perfectly. I didn’t sense any conflict for Gina. I seriously doubt we’re going to have any relationship conversation any time soon. We did talk about doing another travel date in October.

Gina is a consultant for a big company back in her city and she works a ton. Her goal is to become a VP at some point in the future. She’s super busy, regularly works until 7:00 or 8:00 at night, and travels a lot. My guess is she doesn’t have a whole lot of time to date or do the LTR thing. So an arrangement like this one works for her. I’m happy to oblige because she’s a great gal and we have lots of fun together.

Checking Out Other Chicks

(Photo credit Tampa Bay Times)

There were tons of hot chicks walking around in bikinis all weekend and I wanted to have sex with all of them. Let me back up for a second. Honey and I talked a bit about having the wandering eye and the reasons behind cheating a little bit in our comments here.

Here’s the deal. I was with a hot chick, had been having rabid monkey sex all weekend, and still I had the urge to nail other hotties. In my mind, I was pretty much “satisfied.” However, I’ve noticed that the more sexually active I am, the GREATER the urge to copulate with other partners is, which would seem counter intuitive. After all, you’re busting a nut regularly, so why the urge to keep firing away, right? My theory is once your sexual motor is firing on all cylinders, it sharpens your sexual appetite and increases the urge to spread your seed. It’s not an issue of getting sex regularly, being satisfied, fulfilling fantasies, and certainly has nothing to do with love. It’s just a basic urge.

These feelings were automatic, instantaneous, and came deep from within my core. On an intellectual level, I had no desire to have sex with other women. It made no sense. But the second a hot chick in a bikini walked by, I wanted to nail her. For the record, I didn’t make any moves or attempt to pickup other girls throughout the weekend. Also, I was totally into Gina, like even though I wanted to nail other chicks it didn’t affect my emotions for her.

This is the way men are wired. We’re wired to want to have sex with women. All women, any women. Even if we’re with someone else. It’s precisely part of who we are. I think women are the opposite, ie they’re wired to pair bond. Pretty fucked up, eh?

Speaking of dates, I’ve had two dates recently with a Treehugger Chick. The first was at Dandelion, a cool, organic food cafe, for drinks. It went fine, no closes of any kind. Date #2 was at a hip corner cafe, with more wine drinking and a nice makeout in the parking lot. I have to tell you, I was pleasantly surprised at how cute Treehugger Chick was, but more importantly, she had a completely awesome personality. She even passed the smell test with flying colors. More on this as it develops.

We still haven’t been kicked off Brazen Careerist even though Honey blogged about getting laid in the pool and taking kinky bedroom sex pictures. I guess that means more explicit sex posts from us!!!

On to the weekly. I have two items for ya. The first is a blog post by Rabbi Schmuley Boteach, who blogs on The Huffington Post about why John Edwards cheated on his wife. He writes a good argument, but I disagree with him on the why. My take is that ambitious, powerful men (and alpha men in general) want to fuck other women because they have high sex drives, or in other words they want to nail other chicks because they’re guys. It’s at the core of our being to have sex with lots of women, and it has nothing to do with narcissism or love. Read and see what you think.

Next is this well-blogged video where Paris Hilton spoofs John McCain. Comic genius. My opinion of Paris actually bumped up two notches after seeing this bit of cleverness.

We’ve had a couple of guest posts published recently, check’em out:

• Use Astrology in Your Pickups, by me, on the Pickup Podcast blog.
• What I wish I Knew When I was 20, by Honey, on the new 20-forty.com site.

My Circadian Rhythm

I have what most doctors would probably consider a “normal” circadian rhythm.  If left to my own devices (that is, when I’m not required to get up at a particular time the next day) I will probably get tired and go to bed by 11:30.  Sometimes it’s a little earlier, sometimes a little later.  I will wake up on my own generally by 9, though if I’m woken up at 8 (which happened when I wasn’t working because that’s when the BF left for work) then I will usually just get up.  If there’s something fun going on (a party, a night out at a club/bar, a night of hot sex with the BF), I can stay up quite late, but I can’t sleep in much past 10–sometimes 11 if I wear a sleep mask once it’s light outside.

Now that I’m working, I have to get up by 6 in order to leave by 7:15 and get to work at 8 (once the semester starts and students are parking on campus, I will probably have to get up between 5:30 and 5:45).  Accordingly, my clock has readjusted within the first two weeks of this job.  I start to think longingly of bed around 9:30 and usually go lay down around 10, although I usually read a book for about half an hour to an hour after that.

What This Has to Do With My Sex Drive

When I was unemployed this summer, I would have told you that the minimum number of times I wanted to have sex was 4 times per week, ideally on four different days.  In an ideal world I’d have sex twice on each of those four days for a total of 8 times.  I also prefer morning sex because no matter what time I go to bed, it’s because I’m exhausted, and tougher to get “in the mood” (though not impossible).

Now I’m going to bed just as exhausted but much earlier, and waking up just as exhausted because it’s so early (though I usually shake it off within half an hour–and that’s without coffee, so be impressed).  So during the week it is much harder to imagine having sex.  Again, not impossible, but I’d really have to decide to have sex and then get myself in the mood as opposed to already being in the mood and deciding to have sex.

However, I maintain that my minimum number of times per week is 4, which means that I want to try and get those 4 times in between Friday night and Sunday night.  And my ideal 8 has become el dorado because, while it might happen sometimes, it’s unlikely that I’d have sex 8 times over 2.5 days every single weekend.

The BF’s Circadian Rhythm

I have long been aware that the BF has anything but a “normal” circadian rhythm.  I have known since our first date that he was an “insomniac,” though it didn’t matter so much when we were both in school because he could grab sleep during odd hours and still be functional at what are generally considered “normal” times.  However, about a year ago when he started working it seemed to me that it was taking him longer than normal to adjust to getting up early.  He started with the goal of being to work by 8 and it wasn’t workable at all for him, and even a year later he struggles to get in before 9.  Like, really struggles.  He didn’t get in until almost 10 today.

I was researching this online and discovered that he has something called delayed sleep phase syndrome, which is a type of circadian rhythm sleep disorder.  Basically what this means is that he’s not an “insomniac” because his body craves a “normal” amount of sleep; however, his internal body clock is not set to the times that the majority of people sleep.  If left to his own devices, he’d stay up until 4 or 6 a.m. and sleep until noon or 2 p.m.  Unfortunately it is little known and often misdiagnosed; additionally, it is not only “incurable” but not even able to be treated effectively.  Despite getting up at 6:30 or so on the weekdays, he doesn’t get tired until at least 2 a.m. each weeknight–and he still has to take sleeping pills every night to get to bed at that time.

The BF’s Sex Drive

When we first started dating it seemed apparent to me that the BF and I had very similar and compatible sex drives (by which I mean desired frequency), which is half the battle (the other half being chemistry and compatibility when you’re actually having sex).  However, while I still believe that’s the case, now that we both have “regular” jobs the differences in our sleep patterns have really begun to interfere with that.

During the week, I go lay down around 10 or 10:30 while he doesn’t come upstairs until after midnight and sometimes later.  Because he’s so sleep deprived during the week (after getting significantly less than 6 hours per night for 5 days), he reverts to his “preferred” sleep schedule on the weekend.  Right now, even if I go to bed at 1 a.m. that means he doesn’t go to bed until 5 hours later, and when I wake up around 10 (and often earlier), he’s not even going to be conscious until 1 or 2.  So we’re never actually both awake in the bed at the same time.

This leaves only daytime sex, which, while fabulous, isn’t always feasible because the weekend is also really our only time to run errands or hang out with friends.  And it certainly hasn’t been adding up to my ideal, and quite frankly not even my minimum.  I am starting to feel the lack a little.

The Big Questions

The question, of course, is what can be done about this?  There’s not much I can do to avoid being tired much sooner than he is at night, whether we’re talking the weekday or the weekend.  I’m trying to think of some creative ways to work some more sex into our week in a way that won’t seem forced or a chore for either of us, and could really use any suggestions that you all have.  There are some things that I’ve tried (shaking things up a bit with the digital camera and the outdoor sex, for example), but I would appreciate any advice or insight you all have to offer.

So what have you got?

Before I get to that list, I do want to say that the fastest way to increase your social skill is to hit the bars and clubs and mix it up there. Make as many approaches as you can and bank the experience. You’re going to get blown out, but suck it up because it’s part of the learning process. With that being said, I can totally understand if the club environment is intimidating and discourages you from making approaches.

Potential dates are everywhere and if you’re creative you can find good alternatives to the club scene. Use some of the methods below to supplement your social life. One big advantage to picking up chicks outside of the clubs is that generally they’re less defensive about being approached. If you’re a chick, obviously guys won’t mind if you approach and talk to them.

1. College alumni clubs: Did you go to a big college somewhere? If the answer is yes and you live in a sizable town, it’s likely that there is an alumni group in your city. Join it and attend the meetings. Meetings are usually casual affairs, like happy hour on Friday night. I went to the University of Florida and there’s basically a Gator Club in every big city in the country. Contact your alumni relations office to get info or just do a Google search. At my college, they even have a Gator Singles group that you can join. The big advantage is that you always have something to talk about.

2. Social/athletic clubs: Most decent size cities have tons of social or athletic leagues. Again, it’s a cinch to join and the meetings are usually affairs over cocktails and convo. See this site for an example in my hometown. An athletic club, say a co-ed soccer league, are mostly dudes and non-hotties, but these folks will often go out for drinks afterwards. Here’s a tip: use your new group as social proof to open complete strangers. Oh yeah, two other benefits are fitness and networking.

I recently joined a sports club in Orlando and the social circle I’ve adopted there has turned out be AWESOME. The folks are attractive, work hard, play hard, and know how to have fun. It’s been one of the best moves I’ve made this year.

3. Industry Night at the Bars: Industry nights are nights when the bars and clubs cater to people who work in bars and clubs. They run drink specials specifically for those folks. These are usually on Sunday through Tuesday, basically the off days for those businesses. Consult a local nightlife guide to get the downlow. Hit them, because industry workers are partiers and know how to socialize. If you’ve got a real job and make any sort of decent money, you have automatic social value because you have a “real” job.

4. Concerts: I love concerts because there are HIGH concentrations of hotass chicks, even more so than a good Saturday night at the club. I went to a White Stripes show on a Tuesday night last year and I couldn’t believe how many amazing women were walking around. It was mindblowing. The cooler the band, the hotter the women. Go outside where the smokers are and start chatting. Go to the bar and open the first set to your left. Even during the show you can open chicks standing around. Tip: Don’t forget to hit the bars after the concert as many of these people will go out for drinks. 

5. Sporting Events: They call Wrigley Field the World’s Biggest Singles Bar because people meet and hook up after taking in a Cubs game. No joke. Again, wander around, get a beer, chat people up. Have a smoke on the breezeway and open sets. Try a pro football, basketball, or hockey game. A big college football game is a friggin’ poon convention. If you’re rooting for the home team, you’ll always have something to talk about. Go hit the bars afterwards and open people wearing team gear.

6. Host a Party: I could write a whole post about social circle game (and there are good articles out there), but throwing a party is one of the best ways to meet new people both during and before the party. Tip: A week or two before the party, hit the bars, make small talk with strangers, and invite them to your party.

7. The Mall: This is a good one for aspiring pimps who are under the age of 21. Most of the chicks at malls are teenagers but you can often find a high end mall near a big city that has loads of well dressed HB’s wandering around. The Westshore Mall in Tampa is a place I’ve been to recently that had some crazy choocha flouncing around. I swear to God, I think beautiful women grow out of the walls there.

8. Coffee Shops: Some people swear by day game at a coffee shop but honestly I’ve never seen high concentrations of chicks at the Starbucks in my town. Maybe I’m not looking at the right ones. Anyways, I do know plenty of folks who go there to use the wireless and surf the ‘net, so try it.

BONUS (post-edit): Just thought of this, and it’s a bit untested, but trying hitting up restaurants and fast fooderies near large work locations. For example, I went to a Chipotle yesterday across the street from a hospital and there were TONS of chicks (hot nurses), and some of them were eating alone. This requires a bit of skill and some speed, but could be a goldmine. Try opening with a simple, “Hey, how is your day?” or “What school did you go to?” as if she’s a bit familar.

Those are some good alternatives to bars and clubs. Basically, all you need is a place where large concentrations of people go and a bit of creativity. If you live in a walking city like NYC or Boston, you can also try meeting people just by walking down the street. Have any good alternative locations to meeting people? Leave in comments…

We started out just talking, which moved to kissing and me untying the back of my bikini top so it would float away from my body and he could play with my nipples.  The water was perfect, just warm enough.  Eventually we started slipping our hands into each others’ bathing suits and I wondered whether it would be possible to go down on a guy in the pool.  Instead, however, we decided to relocate to the side yard where I got down on my knees and gave him head until he came.  One of the best parts of semi-public sex is that you can’t be too loud or people will hear you, and I think trying to be a little sneaky about it adds to the sexual tension and the overall experience.

Then we went back into the pool and he said it was the perfect post-orgasm relaxation possible because the water was warm and he could just float and enjoy the shivers that continued down his spine for the next five minutes.  During this post-orgasm bliss he told me a story about when he was fifteen.  He was in Mexico and he and a friend rented bikes and rode down a deserted beach.  The water was sparkling, the sand was white, the skies were blue, the clouds were fluffy, and there was no one around.  He was absolutely, perfectly happy and remembers that as one of his best days even now.  He said that he loves me as much as he loved that day because I have the same effect on him–whenever he thinks about me it is like an escape from other people and whatever is going on around him, and he just smiles.

Too bad our digital camera doesn’t work under water.

In Orlando, where I live, I’ll probably identify one fakey out of every 30 profiles. There may actually be a few more than that but sometimes they slip under my radar. I find them pretty easy to identify these days, and I’ll get to that in a bit.

Why the fakes? My theory is that the online sites actually employ people to re-post old, disabled accounts in order to equalise the male-to-female ratio. The ratio is already badly skewed against men, but these fakes give off the impression that there are a few more fish in the sea. I don’t have proof, but if you do a google search on “fake match.com profiles” you’ll see a TON of consumer complaints. Where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Some fakes might be spammers, and these folks are trying to induce you to send them a real email address. Others are recon profiles that dudes post to see what kind of response they get from other dudes (I’ve done this…it’s insightful). I call this “market testing.” BTW, I want to give some love to the virginious V-carded, who performed this very experiment with interesting results…read his post here. Also, will someone please donk that boy?

Most damning though, and this is conjecture, is that an online site employee would send you a wink or email from a fake account to get you to renew your subscription. Very very shady…oops, I mean fraudalent. I’ve often received what I felt like were fake flirtations when I didn’t have a lot of activity going on with my account.

Anyway, here’s how to spot a fake. I’ll use a match.com profile I found tonight as an example…

Okay, the first and biggest tip-off is that the fakey doesn’t have any additional pictures! NO ONE posts only one picture…it just doesn’t happen. I’ve actually seen fakeys with 2-3 pictures before, but these are rare. Once I see this, I’m on the alert. BTW, that chick is aight but nothin special. Notice she’s sticking her chest out and nothing is really sticking out. Onwards…

Tip-off number two. The fakey has no “In my own words” section! Nada, zilch. Why? Because the friggin’ match.com interns are too lazy to actually write up a bunch of BS interests. When I see this combined with only 1 picture, I’m 99% certain the profile is fake.

Number three. See the shitty writing in the “About me” paragraph. Notice it’s short, generic, lame, and shittily written? Big tip-off there. Watch for a lack of specifics. Check out the very last line: “I hope Match you…” WTF seriously? I bet the match intern amused himself on that one.

Ah, my favorite part of the whole fakey profile, the “About my date” section. Notice the intern here posted a broad height range (5′ to 7′), which is total bullshit. Real chicks are obsessively selective about height ranges (heaven forbid she get seen out with a guy that’s short. “OMG my, like, social value would so plummet.”) and they sure as fuck aren’t going to list 5′0″ as the minimum. Most chicks will look in the 5′8″ to 6′3″ range, with the really hot chicks shifting towards the six-footers as a minimum. Don’t be shocked, but height is one of THE top criterion for females online. If you’re interested in reading about an awesome match.com experiment one dude performed as it pertains to height and looks, see here.

Also, duh, everyone fills in the education, job, and income fields.

So there you go, a handful of tip-offs to separate wheat from chaff. Honestly, I don’t even bat an eye at fakes…all online services have them, and it’s like any other form of dating. There’s a game to be played and the game has pitfalls.

If you root out a fakey, feel free to use the “report a concern” function on the right hand side of the profile.

I have found that the BF and I also do this with our sex life (though I usually do get sick of the food at some point and never want to eat it again…that has never happened with sex!).  We will find something that we haven’t done in awhile, or haven’t done before, and it will become the centerpiece of our sex life for a month or two before we become obsessed with something else and “retire” our obsession (though we still obviously bring it out to play every once in a while).

Right now our obsession is taking photos of ourselves having sex.  We have two digital cameras, which is a must because then one is for home and the other for all other occasions where someone else might be holding your camera.  Our “home” camera stays by the bed and, whenever we start to get it on, one or the other of us will grab the camera and start snapping away.  There’s a tacit understanding that whenever one person aims the camera at a particular spot, we pause and hold as still as possible so as to get the best shot.

This new trend has several benefits: (1) we switch positions more than perhaps we otherwise would, in order to get a wide variety of shots, (2) there is a certain amount of teasing (and, therefore, sexual tension) during the moments we hold still, especially since the other person never knows it’s coming, and (3) the obvious masturbation fodder.  I was scrolling through the shots one day while he was downstairs and it turned out that one morning when I got up before he did, he’d woken up hard and taken a few shots just of that.  Heaven.

Other shots have included me going down on him (quite a few of these), him going down on me (just one so far, as I tend to get a little distracted), a bunch of actual sex shots, one of my lady parts freshly shaven and clean, one of my lady parts all sex-slippery and covered on cum (he pulled out and came right at the entrance to my vagina), as well as other assorted shots.  What a fun game!  We are still trying to figure out where to put the camera and take some video, since it does that, too.  Tough to say what the best angle would be, and we don’t want the camera doing any crazy Blair Witch-style cinematography.  Sex shouldn’t be scary!

We still haven’t quite figured out how the pictures will be stored to ensure each of our privacy if we ever break up.  Not that, with sex like this, that seems likely.

Have you ever done this?  What have your experiences been like?

Say cheese!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbY6wpEFf-0

Holy cow, have you seen this story? A woman, RoseMary Shell, was jilted a few days before her planned wedding to Wayne Gibbs in 2007. He dumped her by leaving a note in the bathroom and a check for $5000. She sued for “breach of promise.” She won and was awarded $150,000.

Her argument was that she was financially ruined by the dumping. She left a $81,000 HR job in Pensacola to be with Gibbs, and her resulting job after moving to Georgia only paid $30,000.

Gibbs argued that he had already given her significant sums of money during their courtship, including paying mortgage payments, paying off $30,000 of her debt, and a high priced engagement ring, which he didn’t get back. He claims that he broke off the engagement after learning that she had even more debt than he had previously known about. She eventually filed for bankruptcy.

Other sordid details include Mr. Gibbs cheating on RoseMary, as reported in UK’s Daily Mail and The Sun. I didn’t see that reported anywhere in the domestic media, so not sure how truthy it is.

Um, I’m not even sure where to begin. My initial reaction is that Shell is a gold digger and Gibbs got taken to the cleaners. Gibbs is a douchbag for dumping her via bathroom note, but something in my gut tells me she deserved it. (BTW, it’s no crime to be a douchbag.) She was dumb for not securing a higher paying job prior to moving to Georgia and also she didn’t properly consider the financial ramifications of the move. I also feel that he gave her WAY too much cash during their relationship. Only needy guys pay off the credit card debts of chicks. I don’t know jack about the legal aspects of the case, but it doesn’t make any sense to me that you can sue (and win) without a written contract. They were only engaged, not married. I’m sure this will be appealed.

Also, this is a great reason for not getting married, ever. Mixing finances and love is too volatile.

Would you ever pay off the debt of your beloved? Would you change to a shittier job and move states for a SO? If you’re a chick and you got jilted, would you give back the engagement ring?

Ugh, I need to look around my house and see if I can find my lost Hope for Humanity.

Thursday was the most notable day.  I had dropped him off at work and had the car, and among other things (tasty lunch, hiking a trail that’s literally in the middle of downtown, and visiting some antique stores), I went to Bucky’s Casino to kill some time playing slots.  I was thrilled when I found a really fun game called Milk Money (the bonus round is when you pick a cow to milk and the cow does a sexy dance in the milking vat, which after a couple of beers was just hilarious to watch).  I was also doing pretty well at the game and not losing any money, which was great.

Then this old guy (well, not super old, but in his sixties for sure) sits at the machine next to me.  I get this weird vibe like he is checking me out, but I think to myself, he’s probably just old and lonely.  Everyone who lives in Prescott is either a parent with young children or prehistoric, so maybe he doesn’t have any friends.  He asks how I am doing at the game and I say fine.  A few more weird-vibe minutes go by and then he leans over and whispers in my ear, “nice tits.”

Figuring I can’t possibly have heard him correctly, I say, “excuse me?!?”  He yells (much louder), “NICE TITS!!!” I am pretty aghast and can’t really figure out what to do.  It is a tiny casino, I have about 45 minutes to kill before picking up the BF, and I am really enjoying the game I am playing.  I opt for the minimal-response/ignore when possible routine, and make sure to mention I have a boyfriend (usually a technique reserved for skeezy dudes my own age).  His response to that is, “If you didn’t have a boyfriend, maybe we could get together.”  I tell him this would be impossible, and eventually he loses his money and says he is going to another machine.  Thank god.  When he stands up he kind of stands behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder and looks down my tank top and says again, “those tits are really fantastic,” and then leaves.

Is there something better I could have done?  No doubt my original assessment of him being lonely was right on, but that was kind of a disgusting turn of events.  I could have been much ruder but I wasn’t sure what purpose that would serve.  What do you guys think?