When they choose willfulness over obedience, they choose the consequences that come with it as well.  The Honorable Character Rule Writing Form is a great tool for correction and redirection. Its magic lies in its positive focus: restating the positive standard for behavior that needs improvement. It also connects with the home, keeping parents “in the loop” and allowing for additional correction and encouragement for well-doing.

Because Honorable Character is integrated into every part of the campus culture, opportunities to conduct oneself with the good manners of respect are everywhere.   At school and home, treating others respectfully means making eye contact when speaking, addressing people with proper titles, and avoiding sarcasm in our speech.  When an attitude of respect is developed within us as well as our children, we soon discover that others delight to give respect in return, especially when their efforts are affirmed.

DYK … the above quote is from Horton the elephant in Dr. Seuss’s classic children’s story?  “Horton Hears a Who” can be a great resource for teaching respect to any age group.

Honesty is certainly one of those traits we admire in others.  As parents and teachers, our days are full of opportunities to teach and model honesty for our children and students.  The very youngest among us can learn what it means to speak the truth by not exaggerating to make things seem different from what they really are.  Admitting when we have been wrong develops trust from others and produces confidence in ourselves.  Honesty is a foundational principle of Honorable Character. Practice it in your own life and look for it in others.

Honesty can sometimes be one of the harder traits for teachers to observe.  You may find times when you want to encourage your students to give honesty marks to each other on the recording chart.

DYK … Shakespeare’s use of language made a major impact on how we speak? Expressions such as, “break the ice” (The Taming of the Shrew), and “vanish into thin air” (Othello), have found their way into our modern everyday English.

As adults, we all hope to grow wiser with age.  So sometimes it can be difficult to spot the Honorable Character trait of wisdom in young children.  Seasoned kindergarten teachers spot wisdom in various ways, but most often when a student uses prior knowledge that extends to a new lesson.  The teachers also recognize wisdom when a student has learned a lesson from making a mistake.  A real-life example of wisdom happened when a kindergartener got stuck in the bathroom stall.  She showed wisdom by doing just what her teacher had told the class to do if that ever happened to them.  The student also showed self-control (no tears) by remaining calm until help arrived!

DYK … your students are diurnal? The opposite of nocturnal, humans are active during the day.  Sleeping well at night is even easier when the time changes and nightfall arrives earlier.  Early to bed shows wisdom and gives energy for a more productive day for all diurnal animals.

A few days of arriving early to check students’ desks and rewarding the orderly students with #7 marks will go a long way toward encouraging them to practice this good habit. Check students’ desks for neatness before they come to class. Then put a #7 and the word Orderliness on the board, along with the names of students whose desks are neat. What a great way to start the day on a positive note by recognizing a job well done! Orderliness serves the student for a lifetime.

DKY… Monarch butterflies have orderliness in their migration patterns? This habit of the Monarch keeps them migrating south to Mexico, year after year. When we look up (here in Texas) and see many orange wings in the air, we are reminded that orderliness can mean survival!

Demonstrate your own initiative with a little note to accompany the Conduct Card, explaining its purpose and reminding parents to acknowledge and praise the positive marks with the student before discussing any areas for improvement. Be sure to express your appreciation for the privilege of helping build character in the life of their child and your desire for it to be a team effort. You could even use this opportunity to invite the parents to keep the card at the end of each quarter so the student can look at their progress throughout the year.

DYK… parents are pleasantly surprised by good news about the character of their child? Give your students the power boost of double affirmation from teacher AND family members with the Honorable Character Conduct Card.  With it, you are filling their tanks at school and at home with fuel for success!

Then they were instructed to carry this bag with them everywhere for one week, to put it in their backpacks or book bags at school, to have it near them at mealtimes, and beside their beds at night.

In short order, the students recognized the hassle of lugging this around with them, not to mention the deteriorating condition of its contents. The exercise was a great metaphor for the price we pay for clinging to our resentments and negativity. Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to another person, when it clearly is also for ourselves.

So, what’s in your backpack?

(Published with thanks to many unattributed versions of this story from the Internet.)

A great deal of attention has been paid to bullying lately, and rightly so. Some states have even mandated reporting standards to track issues. Prevention is a strategic objective in the battle against it. But when that fails, those who combat bullying still have a formidable weapon in their arsenal to counteract its effects: the choice to forgive. 

Forgiveness has the unique, therapeutic power to restore strength to the weak. In the life of one affected by bullying, this can be potent medicine. The elixir of forgiveness confers power on the powerless and peace on the one who grants it. By choosing to forgive, we heal our own wounds. “Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.”  – E.H. Chapin

Ultimately, forgiveness can also be a means of preventing future bullying, as observed by Roberto Assagioli. “Without forgiveness life is governed by… an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation.” Forgiveness is a bucket of water on the embers of retribution. It’s a different way to even the score for those brave enough to choose it. There’s nothing trendy, sexy or fun about old-fashioned forgiveness. It’s been around for ages, perhaps because it is so effective.

Maybe it’s time to introduce today’s youth to the power of forgiveness.

Well, trouble did find Cammy that day. And it went about as you would expect. Throughout the ordeal, Cammy had one thought going through her mind: “Should I fight back or turn the other cheek like the preacher said?” Cammy knew she could probably take at least a couple of the other girls. (She had four brothers at home!) Instead, she chose to take the beating, which only angered the girls.

It was a humiliating experience. Running into the school, Cammy hoped to find some comfort or help. Instead, the teacher she found told Cammy that she was foolish not to have fought back. Devastated, Cammy went home wondering if she had done the right thing.

It takes great courage to rise above bullying. When a child is violated, the next steps are the most important. Correction for the offender is vital, but what is communicated to the one hurt and abused is of equally great importance. Often the victim is chained to the offender by emotions and memory in a society where the mindset of justice and retribution prevails. There is a better way.

So, what did this young lady do? That night, Cammy reflected a long time. It was inevitable that she would run into these girls again. They had physically and verbally abused once already. What was there to stop them from doing it again? Then it dawned on Cammy with deep conviction: “I will forgive them. If I forgive them they have no power over me.  I choose to FORGIVE; I will not be a victim!”

Well sure enough, Cammy ran into them the very next day, right on her own street. As they surrounded her, the leader challenged her to fight. She refused. The leader screamed at her, asking why. With a very shaky voice, Cammy answered, “I forgive you.” Looks of disbelief crossed the faces of each gang member. Some of the other girls began to taunt, but the leader hushed them. She asked Cammy why she said that.  Cammy replied that she wanted to turn the other cheek–to forgive, not fight.

There is a lot more to the story that could be told. The most important is its ending. That one act of courage to forgive changed the course of life for each of those girls. They went on to become good friends. They stopped bullying others, dismantled the gang and became friends to many. From that group, one became a nurse, another a social worker, one is a school principal, and one is the humble writer of this story.

The power to forgive rests in the heart and hands of the offended. Let’s lead our young ones by example. Speak openly with your students and family about bullying. How do we resolve these moments of conflict in a positive way that helps both the bully and the victim?

Oh, you may be wondering about the teacher who told Cammy she was foolish to not fight back. She asked Cammy how she had handled the situation. That teacher later stood before Cammy’s class to make an announcement.  She told about how a student had said something that helped her to make a very important decision. With a wink and a smile at Cammy, she shared that she was moving back to Texas to work on a new degree. She became a social worker and child advocate.

As it came time to swipe my card for payment, this special youngster discreetly turned away, to give me privacy as I entered my PIN number on the payment pad. At first I thought she was returning to her mother, but as she heard me shuffling my bags back into my cart, she turned back toward me, remaining nearby. She noticed I had neglected to remove my receipt and politely pointed it out, so I would not forget. I was so impressed by her sensitivity and respect.

I thought about that special young lady all the way to my car. When I reached it, I looked up to see her family parked before me. Dad had waited with car doors open as their air-conditioning wasn’t working. I approached to tell them that their daughter impressed me with her character and that they were doing an awesome job as parents. I wish I could convey the look on that young lady’s face and the glow of pride from Mom and Dad. Right then, I wished I had something to give to mark the moment, as someone else had done for me, over 40 years earlier.

At that time, my parents had been given scholarships for us to attend the local Catholic school in Millington, Tennessee. I was a third grader, in Sister Martin Maria’s class. Home life was very difficult for our large family. I struggled with my self-image. We were the charity family, and I coped by trying to be invisible to others around me.

One particular day in the lunchroom, I notice that my tablemates had left their garbage. I picked it up, along with my own, and wiped the table. As I was leaving, the custodian called me over. He pulled from his pocket a holy card and handed it to me. He said that he had noticed how I was always looking to quietly help. He told me I was a special person and that serving others was a noble thing to do.

That moment changed my life. In the days and years to come, when my family life became more difficult and ultimately fell apart, I never forgot what that janitor gave me. I would hide in my closet clinging to that card and his words. Through my teen and young adult years, it was this affirmation that helped me find strength for right choices. Despite my private pain, I found comfort and hope in that message. Someone believed I was special and worth noticing.

A timely word of affirmation can change the course of a life. It did mine! This holiday season, when struggling to find that perfect gift, consider giving a priceless word of affirmation and encouragement. You never know whose life you are touching. To that young lady I met in WalMart, thank you for reminding me of just how special this generation is, and the nobility that lies within our young people. The Honorable Character Affirmation Cards are for you!