Hope at Home

A BIOLOGICAL SON GIVES HIS LIFE FOR HIS ADOPTED SIBLINGS

2013-05-23T07:00:00.000-04:00

Our good friend, Shanin Macaluso, mother of two biological sons and two adopted daughters from Russia, shared something with us that we really thought you all would also want to hear. Very cool! She and her husband Dan live in California and are greatly missed by their Atlanta friends!

I love my quiet times with God. I love how He reveals Himself to me in those times I set aside for Him. He never disappoints. I've been reading this book, The Bible, for almost forty years. If you took out all of the extras, like cross-references, definitions, maps, commentaries, etc. that it would be almost as long as the last four Harry Potter books put together. So picture the same forty years reading these last four Harry Potter books... I suspect I would have plateaued in all there was to discover before the end of year two, if I'm being really generous to account for symbolism and the like.

On this particular day I was reading in John 14. Jesus is telling the disciples about how he is about to leave them, but to take heart. He will be sending the Holy Spirit to not just live among them, like He himself was at that time, but to dwell within them. He said that He would not "leave them as orphans." As we know, this promise of the Holy Spirit was for us as well. We, too, when Jesus left this earth, were not left "as orphans."

Jesus clearly wants more for us than to be without a parent to guide, protect and provide for us. And a quick look at scriptures shows us that Father God places a high value on orphans. (Check out James 1:27, Isaiah 1:17, Exodus 22:22-24, Deuteronomy 10:18, Psalm 68:5-6)

No Second Class Children in Our Family
When Dan and I felt that God had placed adoption on our hearts, we approached our children to get their take on the idea. We knew it was very important to explain that these children would not be second-class children, rather any adopted child in our family would assume all of the rights and privileges that they themselves had. We explained, to the best of our ability, how much “sharing” would be required of them -- their bathroom, the television, their parents AND their inheritance. We didn’t want the issue of inheritance to be a big surprise upon our death. Instead of half, each child would be receiving a quarter, an equal share, just like the scripture says.

Romans 8:16-18 “The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs -- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

Ephesians 1:4-6 “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will -- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.” (This One he loves, is Jesus, and I need to come back to him in a minute.)

The Macaluso Family BA (Before Adoption)

Adopted Children Have Equal Inheritance
Maybe my kids also found some comfort that there would be two more people to share in the “suffering” that is chores! The scripture is clear that, although we as believers have been adopted, we have full “sonship.” We have equal inheritance with Jesus, who clearly was the child who did all of the work. Don’t we despise when we watch a tv show and some rich man dies and they read the will, only to reveal that the child who hasn’t seen the guy in twenty years gets as much as the child who spent the last twenty years caring for the elderly parent? It isn’t fair! But that’s how God sees us -- as children of equal status.

I do have to share my boys’ responses when we were explaining all of these things with them, not because they are relevant to my point, but because they make me proud. Kyle, who was 13 at the time, immediately said “I’m in. Let’s do it.” Sam, then 10--the younger and therefore picked-on brother- said “I have so many problems with the sibling I have... Why would I want another?” Oh, I love the honesty! But about fifteen minutes later he came up to us and said, “You know, everything natural makes me think ‘Why would I want this? Why would I want to share my stuff and everything?' But I really want to say yes, so it must be a God thing. Let’s do it.”

Dan, Shanin, and their new daughters in the orphanage in Russia

Too Good to Be True
I've heard this notion of the adoption of saints and being co-heirs with Christ throughout my Christian walk. I think after almost four decades, I’m finally starting to get it. And I really think my biological boys, who have now been with us for 20 and 17 years, believe it about their adopted sisters, who have been with us for just 6 1/2 years. But in spite of our last will and testament and our best efforts of encouragement, I believe that our adopted daughters (Sasha, adopted at 16 and who is now 22 and Elizabeth, adopted at 13 and is now 19) do not yet believe it about themselves. I think it’s because Satan feeds them lies to the contrary and, quite frankly, it’s just too good to be true, especially in the world in which they’d been raised. But that’s what the Bible says; we are co-heirs with Christ.

Sasha and Elizabeth enjoy a grand airport Welcome Home!

It Gets Even Better!
But I think it gets even better, and this is what God showed me today... Please consider the most quoted and well-known verse in the Bible, and the verse that follows:

John 3:16-17 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”

Even six-plus years after adoption, something hit me for the very first time: The Bible calls Jesus God’s “one and only Son.” He is, in essence, God's biological “only child.” What did He do with his one and only biological child? He removed him from heaven, sent him into a dark world that would reject him, mock him and ultimately kill him. Who did He do it for? His adopted children. Wow!

God sacrificed his biological child for his adopted child. He gave Jesus unto death, that you and I might live.

John 10:10b “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”

That doesn’t sound like a second-rate child at all! We are not an afterthought! Isn't this a beautiful picture of the intensity of passion which God feels towards us, His adopted saints? Isn't it also a beautiful picture of how we adoptive parents feel about our adopted children?

Kyle, Liz, Sasha, Sam

Father God, we pray for this revelation to break into the hearts of our adopted children so that they can step up and take their rightful place -- both in our families and in the Kingdom. May they be overwhelmed with the knowledge of Your love for them and may their identity be

Beloved Son/Beloved Daughter of The King, Highly Favored, Deeply Loved, and Richly Blessed!

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CATCH AND RELEASE

2013-05-20T07:00:00.000-04:00

From Susan:

As kids grow, what we do with them changes! Like this week for example, as I took off several days to hang out with my college-age boys, home for a few days before heading out to participate in Campus Outreach Summer Leadership Program at the beach. These are times when loving them more means seeing them less. Back to the story-- so I asked, "Hey guys, what would you like to do together on my 2 days off?" The answer was clear, "Mom, we would LOVE to take you golfing - you will enjoy riding in the cart and relaxing in the beauty of God's creation and you can try to golf too if you want...." Now THAT was amazingly humorous, as I did in fact golf, under their tutelage, for the second time ever, and actually impressed them with being able to make contact with the ball!

Susan with two of her sons, Vasya and Trevor

The other fun activity they proposed was fishing - we have spent a lot of time every day at the lake near our house, fishing 'catch and release.' And those released fish just scurry off with splashing vigor when dropped to their freedom in that life-giving water!!! Every time we caught a fish - which was multiple times every evening, we would "catch and release," and I would remember the message from Christy Nockels at Passion City this past Sunday. Let me tell you about it.

Best Message on Parenting!

Of all the books, articles, talks, sermons, messages and conversations I have ever had about parenting, the absolute hands-down BEST was the one I heard from Christy Nockels at Passion City Church, Mother's Day evening. All I could long for is that God would open a way for her to broadcast this message to the world!!!!! Yes, I do mean it -- the WORLD! If anyone reading this knows her, please pass along this encouragement to her!!!

For those who may not have time to listen, here is a brief summary of the talk, with a few added thoughts along the way.

Catch and Release Parenting; Catch and Release Life

To be a parent or a mother, or honestly, to be involved in any relationship or work or ministry or service, we need to have a "catch and release" approach. Just like fishing. We catch, but then we release back to God.

Trevor-- catch and release!

Particularly, we release our failures, as well as our successes.

We have to remember that even when we fail, or when others think we fail, that does NOT mean we are failures. In fact and in truth and in deed, we are fearfully and wonderfully made, treasures and image-bearers, with beautiful purpose in the hand of the Master. And all of this is just as true for us when it appears we succeed. We are bearing fruit as a consequence of abiding in God's love, as Jesus teaches in John 15. As Christy sings, "with my roots deep in You, I'll grow the branch that bears the fruit."

For me, the most important line of her entire talk was the part where she explains that because of this "catch and release" approach, we tell our kids this:

My identity is not wrapped up in who you are; the Lord has you.

Parenting that Transforms Us

That simple statement, lived fully and daily, transforms us into people of peace and joy and hope. If my identify is NOT wrapped up in how my kids or work or house or ministry or appearance turn out, then my identity IS wrapped up in the Lord's love and purpose and compassion for me and for the world.

Christy Nockels closed her talk with a description of sitting before the piano and the Lord giving her a song. I scribbled trying to copy it down as she sang it with that gloriously anointed voice - and here are the excerpts of her lyrics that I pass on, urging you to go listen for yourself. The lyrics are true for me and for you and for our spouses and for our children!!!

I see you,

Even thougth

You think I don't see you;

I see all your hard work.

I love you,

More than you know;

I see every sigh in the morning;

I hear every cry in the night.

I'm holding you together

Like glue and like mortar;

Every seam, every corner,

My love covers you."

by Christy Nockels, Passion City Church, Atlanta, Mother's Day, 2013

So, dearly beloved treasures, as we close we pray,

Today may we would walk in the full joy and peace and hope of those who know our own identity before You, Lord, as Your beloved children; and from that place, may we experience unbridled freedom to let that very love You have for us flow through us in all its fullness to all those we love and see and connect with, today and every day. Amen and amen.

A Bit More from Beth:
I just want to add a story that Susan shared with me. Susan and I are all about being copy cats when it comes to good parenting ideas! I am thinking you and I may want to copy this example of seizing the moment to share a truth with our children that God is teaching us without giving a sermon. Here is Susan's story:

As we are gingerly removing the hook from the mouth of the decent sized bass, I say, "Hey...did you know catch and release is the best way to live a good life before God?"

Trevor asks, "What do you mean, mom?"
"I mean, the world will often reject you for your failures or inflate you for your successes. But in faith we know we are fully loved and accepted in the Lord in spite of our failures and equipped and enabled by God's love and wisdom and strength in any success. It was what was shared in our sermon Sunday night. I LOOVVVEEDD IT!!! I urge you, buddy, to live a catch and release life!"

Trevor's catch and release fish.

If I had been talking with my kids at younger ages I would have told the same story in simple words...daring them to always remember this when they are fishing. I would also add a new question, "What happens to that little fish if we don't release it?" Of course the answer for me is that it would not be what God made it to be.

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THE MINISTRY OF AVAILABILITY

2013-05-13T07:00:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it boils down to this, the simplicity of being available. Not being perfect, not being right, not being successful-- just being there where the action of your child's life is. In the end, what every child wants is the connection. Indeed, it is what every one of us wants, isn't it?! We want to know we are not alone--that someone is with us and for us, that someone hears us. And I think that right there is a huge part of successful parenting. I think of it as the ministry of availability. Just being there.

So I want to encourage you, fellow parent, dear mothers and fathers, that even in the worst of our parenting scenarios, if we can do the work of simply being there, walking alongside our child and hearing them, then we are giving the most healing gift of all. We put a lot of emphasis on "doing it right" with adoptive and foster parenting, and for that I am thankful. I think it is absolutely appropriate for us to learn how to parent effectively! However, I also know that there is simply no way for us to get it right all the time. And I also know that in the end, our children need to know that they are safe and loved-- and that takes us being available to them. Simply draw close and BE. LISTEN.

So next time you don't know what to do to move forward with your child (or when you have totally blown it!), take heart and draw close once again. Put having the right adoptive parenting answer on the back burner, for it will come-- The Lord is faithful and will lead you as He has promised-- and just make yourself available. Give the gift of time. Children do not distinguish between quality and quantity time; they just know you are there or not.
So, share a coke, tickle a back, play a video game, throw a ball, push on the swing, watch a movie, read a book........ Just Be There.

Father God, we have set our hearts on this Ministry of Availability. Would You help us to "be there" for each of our children? Cause our children to receive this ministry of our love, imperfect and incomplete, and breathe on it so that it becomes a healing force in each child's life.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?!

2013-05-09T07:00:00.001-04:00

From Beth:
With Mother's Day coming up, I have been thinking about us mamas and the realities of our daily lives, and it occurs to me that there is an Aroma of Motherhood.

It starts out for many of us with the sweet smells of our babies--
milk, bananas, rice cereal, fruit, and diapers.
Over the years the smells of the mommy-life change--
that outside boy smell and those inevitable potty training mistakes, musty P.E. clothes left in a school bag and the ham sandwiches forgotten in last week's lunch box, burned pots abandoned on the stove because the cook needed to become the referee and the surprise of first body odor, and then there's the joy of the colognes and perfumes of adolescence layered over the b.o.!.....
And for some of us the initial smells of motherhood came in an orphanage-- foreign smells of foods and realities of life completely unfamiliar to us.

It occurs to me that these are the smells of being a mommy, and they are actually oh so good! These odors are the aroma of Father God's presence and purpose being accomplished in our homes. These are heavenly smells that surround us-- the essence of 2 Corinthians 2:14-17

Through us, he brings knowledge of Christ. Everywhere we go, people breathe in the exquisite fragrance. Because of Christ, we give off a sweet scent rising to God, which is recognized by those on the way of salvation—an aroma redolent with life...

This is a terrific responsibility. Is anyone competent to take it on? No—but at least we don’t take God’s Word, water it down, and then take it to the streets to sell it cheap. We stand in Christ’s presence when we speak; God looks us in the face.

There are sweet scents coming from you, dear mother. To put it bluntly, You Smell! As you mother your children there is no doubt in my mind that you are the fragrance of Christ to them, and to others who come into contact with the smells of your home. As Susan Hillis has shared, "You are perfume!"

So don't be "put off the scent" by the scents coming from your life! The smells of mess and clutter, of needs and demands, of chaos and growth, are an "exquisite fragrance" emanating from your life of love and sacrifice. These are the scents of Christ in you, precious sister. Indeed it is true, you do smell oh so very good, and God is declaring to you this day that your mommy-life is a sweet fragrance rising to Him. Oh how He loves this unique mixture of scents that only your family can produce as you take on this "terrific responsibility" of sharing God's Word with your children in the day-in, day-out life of your family.

So I say as we set aside time to honor motherhood, we can confidently respond to the question, "What is that smell?!"
Breathe in deep and know that those odors, even and especially the ones that make your eyes water and your nose crinkle, are a fragrant offering from your life, pleasing to God.
For these are the smells of eternity being sown in the lives of our children; the smells of love and sacrifice, of discipline and training, of day-in day-out mommy life.

CHANGING THE WORLD

2013-05-06T07:30:00.000-04:00

FROM BRIAN HILLIS:

So many of us begin our adoption journey with the sentiment of that Starfish poem in our hearts....

One beautiful and sunny day a man was taking a stroll along the beach
when he came across a young girl who was frantically throwing starfish
into the ocean. The man asks the young girl, "Why are you throwing the
starfish into the ocean?" The girl replied, "The starfish were washed
upon the shore last night in a storm, and if I don't get them back into
the ocean then they will die." The man looked around and to his
amazement there were hundreds of starfish lying upon the sand. He looked
at her and cackled saying "Why are you wasting your time? There is no
possible way you can save all of these creatures. By throwing back a
few, how is it that you expect to make a difference?" The young girl
looked around sadly at the starfish that surrounded them on the beach,
and then she looked back at the man and replied "Even if I save the life
of only one, then I have made a difference." And with that she continued
to save as many as she could.

(Author Unknown)

We think, maybe we could CHANGE THE WORLD for just one child....

and then, adopting one - or two or three or four or five or six or seven or eight -- however many....

we are disturbed by all those other children in need of families,

and our lives become testaments to a passion to somehow also make some difference

for those more on the shore

AND for those special ones we picked and tossed right smack into our homes and hearts.

We become REFORMERS.

But I learned an important lesson this week about REFORMERS

during some time with the Lord....

I am seeing that politicians don't like reformers

AND

God doesn't need reformers.

Just look at John the Baptist....thrown into prison by a politician whose wife didn't like him. Then, rather than the miracle of the prison doors opened by an angel, John the Baptist has his head chopped off. So clearly, Jesus could accomplish everything He needed to without him.

I don't know about you,

but there are many times in this adoption journey that I have felt helpless and hopeless --

kind of like being imprisoned unjustly.

And I've decided...

God is much more interested in

His changing me

than in

in me changing the world.

Changing me so that my PURPOSE trumps my PASSION

My purpose....to love God and love people

My passion, to see childrens' lives transformed

by the tenderness of the Shepherd.

So, today, Lord, we ask, make us content with living lives of PURPOSE

more dedicated to You changing us than to us changing them.

We want to know, like Milton in his Sonnet to His Blindness,

They also serve who only stand and wait.

And Lord we do....stand before Your glorious presence and

Wait on your tender love to encompass and fill us.

Again and Again..

Amen.

FACELIFTS, DIVERSITY, AUDACIOUS PRAYERS, AND PARENTING ADVICE

2013-05-02T07:00:00.000-04:00

From Beth:

Facelift
Well, hopefully you are noticing our new look here on our Hope at Home blog. Nothing says Spring like a new look and some internal reorganization! Take some time to look around our blog-- you'll see we have added some new tabs and topic categories. This lovely and helpful facelift is the work of our good friend, Stephanie Bradac.

Stephanie specializes in graphic design ranging from birth and adoption announcements to wedding invites to professional logos and marketing-- helping companies and organizations develop a unique brand identity and cohesive voice. She can be found at http://mostazaseed.com or via email at sbradac@mostazasseed.com.

You will LOVE her work and her inspiring blog.

Connections and Faith

Earlier this week we enjoyed one of our favorite activities-- meeting with other adoptive and foster parents to share and pray together at Hope at Home, Heart to Heart. Just LOVE IT!
We started out just sharing a bit about ourselves, and it was quite the diverse group! We had fathers and mothers who traveled twice a year oversees to visit sons who may never be adopted but who know they are known and loved, to waiting parents, to parents who have just had their first child home for two weeks, all the way to parents who have had children home for one year all the way to 15 years. Some adopted internationally, some domestically, some through foster care. We had families with no birth children and families with birth children. Families who adopted infants and families who adopted older teens. I find this so exciting, for it is such a beautiful picture of the Father's heart for His beloved. For it is true what the scripture says, each of these children and each of these precious mothers and fathers are "accepted in the beloved." (Ephesians 1:6)

After we prayed shamelessly audacious prayers (Luke 11:8) we went around the room and shared one thing we have learned through our adoptive parenting journey that we think would help other parents. Stephen and I felt so encouraged and helped by this time. It is clear that God is busy teaching us all, and increasing our wisdom. Since you all couldn't be there, we decided that you shouldn't miss out on what we heard-- such good advice!

Communicate. Don't expect your child to intuitively know what you are thinking or what you expect from them.
Be vulnerable and willing to ask for forgiveness. This models something for them that is more helpful than never seeing you struggle or make mistakes.
Give your child language for his/her emotions. Help them discern and express how they feel beyond "this is stupid" or "boring."
Laugh.
Don't take yourself, your child, the current circumstance so seriously. Step back and remember there is a big picture.
There is GRACE for every weakness you have as a mother or father. God covers us. He has our back.
Be present. Be there. Just Listen.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is NOT SAY A WORD. Just Listen. Don't correct.
You don't have to be right all the time.
Pray. Pray. Pray.
Be willing to change the way you parent according to the way Father God parents you, rather than the way you were parented growing up.
Make your parenting decisions based on what God says about your child, rather than according to their current behavior.
Connection and Relationship are more important than correcting behavior. Always maintain relationship.
Don't put your child in a box-- appreciate and enjoy and celebrate who they are, even though it is so different from you.
Pray together as a family. Make special times to pray, like before school. Create a culture of prayer and devotion to God in your home.
If you don't know what to do or say then don't do anything-- WAIT for the Lord to show you the way forward before you make a parenting decision.

Now it's your turn, friends. Leave a comment with your one piece of advice you would like to share with other adoptive families.

WHEN YOU DREAM

2013-04-29T07:30:00.000-04:00

Marriage Monday!

Great to hear from Brad Aldrich for our Marriage Monday post this month. Brad and his wife Kate are adoptive parents and live in Pennsylvania. They write regularly about marriage at their wonderful blog, One Flesh Marriage.

Some day that darling little boy or sweet adorable baby girl will grow up. As parents, that distant future seems very far away and very close at the same time. It seems like just yesterday I was celebrating our first forever family day welcoming our little one home from Ethiopia, and yet I know that it won’t be long till my babies are moving out, getting married and maybe having babies of their own.

Do you dream of those days? Do you wonder who your babies will become? What kind of careers they will have?

Who they will marry?

Every parent dreams of these far off days with a hope that they will be able to give their kids all of the skills they will need to successfully navigate toward a happy future. If you think about it, most of our energies in raising kids are about helping them to develop the skills necessary for their future.

You want them to have a great career, so you help them do their best in school. You want them to grow in their faith, so you help them get involved in great youth programs and teach them about Jesus. You want them to care for others, so you help them understand the world around them.

So what are you doing to make sure they will have a great marriage?

There is only one way to teach a child about marriage. It can’t be taught in books, or in theory; it is only taught by what they see. Your children will start with a model of marriage that is based on your marriage.

So what are your kids learning?

Are they learning to prioritize marriage?

Are they learning that sex in marriage is worth waiting for?

Are they learning that marriage takes work but it is so worth it?

Are they learning that love is so much more than a fuzzy feeling?

Are they learning that a one flesh marriage is an amazing lifelong journey?

Or are they learning the opposite?

If you dream of your kids having an amazing marriage one day, make sure you invest some time in your own marriage today to give them a good place to start!

Father God, I ask you now that you would breathe fresh life into my marriage. Where we are weak, strengthen us. I am trusting you to use my relationship with my wife/husband as a source of life for my child(ren). And even now, in faith I ask you for a godly husband for my daughter(s), a godly wife for my son(s). Thank you! Amen.

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We are getting a facelift this week, so forgive us if you visit and our sight looks a bit messy. Be sure to check back to enjoy our new look! Blessings on you all.

AN ADOPTED CHILD SHARES HIS STORY: ALEX HILLIS

2013-04-25T07:30:00.000-04:00

It is a special privilege for us to introduce you to Alex Hillis as he tell his story of adoption. At 22, Alex has much to say and his story is an encouragement to all of us parents to trust God to do in each of our children the same saving and freeing work he has done in this amazing son.

What God Told Me
I want to start off by saying that a couple of days ago I was going on a run and only planning to run three to six miles. Before I started the run, I was talking to The Lord and I told Him, that I wanted to hear from Him. I was not going to stop running until I heard his voice. My plan of running only three to six miles turned into 25 miles! It was then that The Lord spoke to me. This is what He told me, "Treat people the way you want him or her to become"-- and that's it. This quote got me thinking about my life. Looking back 14 years since I was adopted I know exactly why God was telling me this.

A Second Chance at Living

At age seven I walked into a room when I saw a woman and a man and they had the biggest smiles I have ever seen in my whole life. Beside them they had a girl and a little boy, who was four at that time. I knew then that this was the family that was going to adopt me. I remember the lady coming to me without hesitation, giving me the biggest hug and putting me on her lap. She started talking and it seemed like forever. She was asking me question after question. To tell you the truth I have never felt so love. When God introduced MY family, MY real family to My life, I now I had a second chance at living.

Brian and Susan, Cristi and Trevor, with their new
family members-- Alex (next to Susan) and Anya.

My Parents Saw Me as Someone Who Had Hope

Let me tell you what I mean by this....

When you are in the orphanage, you only stay there until you are 18. After that if you are smart enough you go to college, but those who aren't go to the street. Then their life is most likely over. They start taking drugs, start getting in to gangs and before they turn 21 their future is not looking so bright.

Alex (right) with sisters Ksusha and Lana Grace, running
to their new parents.

Right now I am 22 and I can not start to explain what my Lord has done in my life. From the first day my parents adopted me they started seeing me as someone who will succeed, someone who had a hope. They started seeing me as a beloved child of God. Even through all the pain they went through, their love never changed. They loved me unconditionally. Also, having a father figure for the first time was such a blessing, and honestly I could have never asked for a better dad. Just when I thought life could not get any better, it did!. Not only was I adopted into an amazing family I was introduced to my REAL Father: Jesus Christ.

My Family Stood Their Ground

Alex with Susan, speaking together at
Created for Care (retreat for adoptive moms)

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that that my life was so easy after that point because it wasn't. As a child I was so broken. But my wonderful family stood their ground and they rebuilt me into the man God wanted me to become. It was not easy, but I've never seen a faith as strong as my parents'. Yes! Physically they are not that strong, but I guarantee you that their faith and love is stronger than anyone I know. With that much power, they could move Mount Everest! Looking back now, knowing that if my parents loved me that much, how much more does my God love me!

Want to hear more from the perspective of the adopted child? Check out the Adopted Children's Stories section of our blog.

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THE DANCE OF LIFE; THE SONG OF SONSHIP

2013-04-22T07:30:00.000-04:00

From Beth:

I used to teach middle school right after Stephen and I got married. One of our most memorable times from that period in our lives was chaperoning the middle school dances. Oh my goodness! See if this doesn't sound familiar to you-- the boys all lined up on one side of the gym, the girls on the other. The music is playing, but only a few are actually dancing. The rest are hesitant, scared, painfully self-aware, or ashamed, embarrassed, unsure.....

They want to dance-- desperately. But their fear is so real, so big. They doubt they belong in the crowd cool enough to get out on the dance floor. They fear they don't have what it takes, that they will fail in some way- so it is easier just to hang back and watch, acting as if in reality they don't actually want to dance.

Stephen and I laugh when we remember the inevitable posse of girls moving in a chattering, giggling unit over to a friend, ready to drag him or her out on the floor. The friend would resist, of course, but no doubt was thrilled that the issue was being forced, relieved to have found a way to overcome the barrier.

A dance is an intimate thing. It speaks of romance and partnership, and fun. There is a dance going on and sometimes I see the adopted children I know struggle like those middle school students. The best song is playing-- the one everyone loves. It is the SONG OF ALL SONGS! It is the music of adoption, of acceptance, of unconditional love. There is no better song to dance to! And the dance is happening right before their eyes, this DANCE OF LIFE.

and yet, they hesitate

denying even the desire to dance

covering their fear of the intimacy of it all with denials
declaring "that's just not who I am"

the voice of rejection whispering (or yelling) in their ear

you don't belong in that dance

rejected, dejected

not a son, not a daughter

and you and I KEEP DANCING
for we can do nothing else with such a song

we have been captivated by the tune-- it is beautiful and so very good

we swing by our child
extending our invitation to join in with abandon

and some come with joy

and some hesitate

but all desire to join in, secretly loving it when we grab hold and pull them into the longed-for movement of life

because this is what they are born to do, to dance to this
SONG OF SONSHIP

PICK YOUR B̶A̶T̶T̶L̶E̶S̶ OPPORTUNITIES

2013-04-18T06:30:00.000-04:00

From Beth:
You've heard about the wisdom of picking your battles in parenting. It's good advice and I say absolutely! But I'd like to share some more practical parenting advice by expanding that concept a bit. Because adoptive and foster parenting is about as fertile a ground for this wisdom as you will find as far as I can tell! Take a minute and read something the Lord showed me early on in our adoptive parenting journey that was literally one of the most significant words I have ever received. It is revelation from God that Stephen and I put into play still on a daily basis. We are still learning to recognize what looks like a battle is often also an opportunity.

Literally-- Pick Them!
So one thing Stephen and began to do years ago was to literally pick out some battles to fight-- on purpose! Rather than try to address every issue at once, ask the Holy Spirit what He is busy doing in your child and then partner up next to Him. It is hard to let bad behaviors go, but look at it this way-- what if Father God had required you to change every wrong thinking pattern and behavior when you became a Christian. All at once? How kind is He that he does not treat us that way?! With this perspective we have the freedom to disregard the judging looks and comments of others, and even our own fears of not being a "good Christian parent" knowing that we are doing just as Jesus did--"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does." (John 5:19)

And take the opportunity to get your child in on the action. You (and your spouse if possible) sit down together with you son or daughter and say something like, "We have been praying for you! We are so excited about what God is doing in your life and all the wonderful things He has to say about who you are. And we feel that God is wanting us to work together on helping you with your anger (or lying, or attitude about chores, or doing your best work in school, or stealing, bedtimes, or sharing toys.......!). So, this is what we thought we would do...." By doing this you are inviting your child in as a team member. You are all on the same team working together with what God is doing. Now, no doubt many children will balk at some point. Certainly some of ours did. Once we actually followed through with whatever consequence we agreed upon we definitely got the normal push back. And if you have an oppositional child, then you know that they will fight you the whole way. But that does not mean that this process is not teaching them something. We are trusting God that every godly seed is being kept for our children for the right season of fruitfulness.

I Am Not the Police
Once we have picked our battle, or what I would more accurately call Picking my Opportunity, then I am in the role of a coach rather than an officer of the law. I am no longer poised to catch my child in a bad behavior, but rather I am on her side, encouraging forward movement in the issue we are "battling." And when my child "loses" a battle, my role is not to exact punishment, but to come alongside to train and get him/her ready to try again.

Set Your Child Up for Success
Create opportunities to test out a new behavior or heart attitude. If you are working on not throwing a fit when your child doesn't get what he wants for instance, you might say something like, "This afternoon we are going to be out so you might not be able to watch TV until tomorrow. I know this is hard for you and it will take a lot of strength for you not to get angry and throw a fit. But I know you can do it! Do you think you can stay calm if it turns out we don't have time? What

could you do instead when you feel angry?" This warning ahead of time helps set your child up to break the negative habit pattern. We would sometimes try to create the most perfect situation so that our child could see that he/she could do it. A little success goes a long way in making a new pathway for when the situation is not so perfect in normal day-to-day life.

Pray Together
Along the way take time to actually pray with your child about the issue you are addressing. Let them know that Holy Spirit is called The Helper and that He loves to give us strength. Praying together is a wonderful way to train your child for a life of leaning on the Lord and trusting Him for what we cannot do for ourselves.

Share Something You Had to Overcome
This is fresh out of the parenting oven for Stephen and me. We are learning with our older children how helpful and it is for them to see that we also struggle, that we also are working now on growing in some areas, that when we were children we behaved badly and needed to grow and change. For some children, seeing you as vulnerable and in need is key for them to feel connected to you. It may be that if they have dealt with trauma, which so many of our adopted children have, that the access point of need or pain is the one they are most familiar and comfortable with. We want to use everything we can to help our child!

Use Rewards to Celebrate Success
When your child has had a success in the battle, be sure to celebrate! Let them know how proud you are of them. How you know that took a lot of strength and courage and you are really impressed. Boast about them at the dinner table or with friends if that would not embarrass your child. Celebrate with an ice cream cone or some other treat. This is not a bribe; it is a party! We have sometimes picked out something ahead of time that we knew our child wanted or would enjoy and told them that when they were able to do, or not do, whatever it was we were working on, then we would give them the item. Sometimes it was an event-- going to see a movie perhaps. For some children this may not work as it may cause anxiety, but for some having a goal is an inspiration. Our daughter came home from Russia at 10 and would not speak English for the longest time. She did not want to make a mistake, so she just refused to try. We began to despair that she would ever learn it (silly I know, but hopefully you know that stretched/stressed overwhelmed season in those early months and understand!). So in her science class she had to make a simple machine and all the students were supposed to give an oral report. We knew that this would be the hardest thing in the world for our sweet girl. So we took the opportunity to tell her that if she got her nerve up to say 3 sentences, which we knew she could do at that point, then we would buy her the polly pockets she had admired at the toy store. For her it worked wonders. She said in the most adorable Russian accent right there in front of her class, "Thees ees my semple machine. Eet tourns on zee light. Eet uses a pooley andt leverrr." What a celebration we had! She had to overcome a lot to do that, having staked a lot of her energies in resisting speaking English-- a power struggle for sure.

What are some battles/opportunities you are fighting alongside your child now? Do you have some advice on how to help your child move forward, a winner? Leave us a comment!

Come on over to our FACEBOOK PAGE and join in a community of adoptive and foster parents, and others who love our families.

YOUR ADOPTION; YOUR MARRIAGE

2013-04-15T06:30:00.001-04:00

Marriage Monday!

From Beth:
There is no greater blessing we can give our children than a strong marriage. It is dangerous I think to disregard the existence of the covenant relationship of marriage in adoption discussions. Dangerous for our marriages, and dangerous for our children. Adoption does not happen in a vacuum like that. As a matter of fact, for married parents, it is the existence of the marriage itself that has stirred hearts to adopt! It has been a joy for us at Hope at Home to encourage you in your marriage through our Marriage Monday series.

Urgent and Important?
It is so easy to become completely absorbed by the needs of your adopted child, and the siblings, and the whole adoption dynamic, that we can forget the needs of our own husband or wife, of the joy and priority of our marriage covenant. Author Stephen Covey speaks about the distinction between urgent and important. Some things are both urgent and important, aren't they? Getting your paperwork completed for your adoption or helping your newly adopted or foster child adjust to his new family are both urgent and important I would say. And some things are urgent, but they aren't that important in the big scheme of things-- like getting to the grocery store so there is something healthy for dinner, or cleaning up a mess. Of course, there are always those things that are neither urgent nor important too--I love a good game of fruit ninja!

I think one of the reasons it is easy for us to neglect our marriages is because for most of us, we easily recognize our relationship with our spouse is important, but it does not often present itself as urgent, especially in the comparison with the in-your-face needs of our children. The needs of our

children are very important of course, however you will find that they are almost always presented to us as Urgent. And because the needs of an adopted child feel so intense, both to our child and to us, it really seems like these needs are always both important and urgent! After 12 years of adoptive parenting one thing I know for sure, the needs of my children are extremely important to me, and they will be there waiting for me when I get home from a date with Stephen, or a weekend away.

The Needs of Our Children
There is such a strong pull on us parents to meet the needs of our children. We often feel this pull more than any other demand in our lives. And our adopted child's needs can be huge, like a gaping hole that can suck us in with it's urgency.
So, I know for some of us, especially my fellow mommies, this can be counterintuitive to make our marriage relationship a priority. Yet it is a higher priority than most adoption books will tell you. If the foundations of a building are being eaten away, over time the whole building will be wobbly and compromised. And it is clear to me that my marriage is the very foundation of our adoptions.

Your Marriage: An Effective Healing Agent
It is your marriage, your love relationship with your husband or wife, that is the context for your adoption. The environment of your marriage is like a greenhouse-- a divine ecosystem that yields life. But like any greenhouse, it must be maintained. The temperature, light and humidity levels, etc., all create this environment that is perfect for the plants to thrive. Our marriages have the possibility of being a life-giving atmosphere needed for our children to grow.

A healthy, strong, vibrant marriage is a more effective healing agent than we realize, more effective than focusing primarily on meeting the needs of your child I believe. Take a look at this inspiring list of benefits from Scott Means--

Benefits of a Strong Marriage:

It models for your children what a sacrificial love looks like
It gives them insight into the way God loves us
It gives your children a greater sense of security--physical, emotional and spiritual
It shifts the atmosphere of your home
It demonstrates what healthy, loving relationships look like
It influences the future of your children's marriages
It strengthens husband and wife as individuals so they are better able to help their children.

Your relationship with your spouse is the constant in this adoption journey, friends. Our youngest of seven children just turned 18 last week, so I am here to tell you dear friends that when your children are grown and gone from your house, your husband or wife will still be there. And this covenant relationship you have together is worthy of the priority of our time and effort!

"And each one of them shall be like a hiding place from the wind and a shelter from the storm, like streams of water in a dry place, like the shade of a great rock in a weary land." (Isaiah 32:2)

What ways have you found that work to help nurture your marriage in the context of your adoptive/foster family? I am always looking for new ideas! Leave us a comment!

MORE PRACTICAL PARENTING IDEAS

2013-04-11T07:00:00.000-04:00

From Beth:
You may have read last week's post sharing some practical strategies to train your child in healthy and godly ways of thinking and behavior. This post is a follow up to that one, with more ideas to try with your children. For when we parent in grace, we realize there is no place for punishment, but endless opportunity for discipline and training, and the sowing of many seeds awaits us in our day-to-day relationship with our child!

~ Here is a little disclaimer before I go forward: Susan and I are hesitant sometimes to share practical parenting advice. There are a few reasons for this. One is that there are so many wonderful ministries doing and excellent job already. Another is that we want to be very careful not to dishonor our children in any way when sharing the things we have struggled with that involve our kids--we desire to protect their privacy . And we in no way want to imply that there is one way to parent, or that we or anyone for that matter have the answers you need. Certainly we have received wisdom and we love to share it; we ourselves have learned a ton about parenting simply by copying others! But we always want to point you to the One who is the best Counselor and Helper, the One who Loves like no other and is the Light in my Darkness --and yours, and theirs, and everyone's.

But the main reason we may hesitate to share practical parenting advice is we are so convinced that all the best parenting in the world can not heal your child, nor can it give you what you most need in order to love them well. It is a very short step from being an avid student of parenting to actually placing my trust in my own parenting, in essence, trusting in myself. Good parenting is helpful and will make a signifiant difference in your family life and even in the life of your child, but it is only a container for the healing work of the Holy Spirit, not the healing itself. We never want to place our hope in our parenting, even though both of us thought at the beginning of our adoption journeys that if we read the right books, went to the right conferences, and put into practice all of that wonderful wisdom, that all of this would produce the godly children we were pouring our lives into raising. It is clear to us that our hope is in Christ alone for salvation, healing, joy, purpose, connection, identity, inspiration, unity and wholeness.

So, back to the topic at hand! As we said last time, we don't want to stop at simply telling our children what not to do; we are looking for ways to equip them--to parent them forward into their identity in Christ. A very effective strategy Stephen and I have found to do this is to take the time to have some sort of follow up, or an affirming resolution to whatever the issue was that required discipline.

Ask Questions
The use of questions is a great help in encouraging your child to enter into a true discussion with you. Remember, relationship is the heart of GRACE, so everything we do to nurture relationship and connection with our child, especially in the context of discipline, will bear eternal fruit. Some well thought out questions will guide your child to discover some realities for themselves. I don't know if you have the same problem that I do, but it is so easy for me to go into "lecture mode" when I want to correct my child. And what makes it worse is that our teens often felt that the stringing of two or three words together in a row constituted a lecture! So, asking questions is helpful in eliciting your child's involvement in the training process. And it has the added benefit of helping them learn to be a thinker.

Ask, What Went Wrong?
It has been fascinating for Stephen and me to see how often our children did not actually know why they were "in trouble," as they would put it. I remember one fairly typical scenario when our son had a spelling test. We had been working with him on getting his homework done with some degree of

excellence. His only goal in doing school work was to finish it as fast as possible. And I mean only--the idea that he would actually learn something or try to have correct answers was so not in his mindset! So, we had asked him if he had any homework or quizzes and he confidently said that he had nothing. You probably know where this is going, right? Later that week a failed spelling test comes home and so of course, we speak with him about it. As a natural consequence, he was not able to go out to play that afternoon so that he could learn to spell the words he had not studied earlier in the week. But when we had our follow up later that night and asked him, "Do you know why you weren't able to go out to play today?" his response was, "Because I got a bad grade on my spelling test."
It was so good that we asked him, because in no way did we want to communicate that a bad grade would bring the "punishment" (which is how it felt to him) of not playing outside. If he had told the truth and studied, and then done poorly, we would not have responded that way at all. We were then able to go over what happened so that he could understand the real issue, and begin to help him make adjustments to his approach to homework.
Over time, and with this child this did take some years for him to learn not to let the goal of finishing fast be his only objective, we are empowering our child to take responsibility for his/her actions and to learn new ways to do things. Asking the question helps define the problem, training your child not to see himself as a victim of circumstance (or of his mean parents!), nor to blame others in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility.

Ask, Why Was That A Problem?
This provides an opportunity to talk with your child about the character and values your family honors. It helps get past the behavior as the main issue, so that you can access the heart attitude. When your child won't share her dolls, helping her imagine how that feels for her friend will open her heart past her primary drive to protect her belongings. Asking questions like, "how do you think Jenny felt when you wouldn't let her play with your dolls too?" or "remember when your brother didn't let you build with his legos yesterday? What did that feel like?" will begin to expand your child's ability to understand values like honor, kindness, generosity, hospitality, etc.

This is an ideal to time train your child in forgiveness-- both the asking for and the giving of. It was helpful for us to teach our children to say, "I am sorry I _________. Will you please forgive me?" and "Yes, I forgive you." This took some time (we often had to do "re-dos" and give them the time they needed to be able to say these things with authenticity), but it helped by pass the angry/hurt and never effective, "I'm soooooorrrrrryyyyyy!"

I would also add here that it is a powerful thing to model this for your child. Don't miss an opportunity to ask your child for forgiveness when you've yelled at them, or ignored them, or any of the things we all do on occasion. Asking for and receiving their forgiveness empowers them to do the same, and will strengthen your relationship like nothing else.

Speak Identity Into Your Child
Before you end your follow up time, allow the Holy Spirit to give you something positive to say about your child, especially looking forward into their future. Parenting in Grace is always forward looking and filled with hope. So no matter how bad things are at the moment, even if your child has opposed you every step of the way and resisted your efforts to train, you will find the Lord always has something good to say about him/her. Always. One of our children was terribly clever at getting things his way (notice the use of the word terribly!) so it was easy for me to say something like, "You are going to be such a wonderful employee when you are older. You are so good at solving problems and getting things done. Your boss is going to love you!" Or maybe you can say, "What a tender heart you have. You really do feel it when something is not right, don't you? I can tell you will be such a wonderful husband/wife one day. The best!"

So, how about you? Would you leave a comment here and share some things that are working in your home? I know God is at work in our families and He has shared some strategies with you that we all would love to hear!

3 OPEN DOORS

2013-04-08T06:30:00.000-04:00

From Susan:

Several years ago I went to the Monastery of the Holy Spirit Retreat Center in Conyers, Georgia, for some time alone with the Lord, simply enjoying His presence and the splendor of His creation. For those of us who have busy lives and are constantly with children, being intentional about getting away into the Lord's presence is so very refreshing and restorative (I recommend it!) I was only there 24 hours, yet while there, was awakened three times in my sleep (just like Samuel! - the only time in my life this has ever happened!), with this sentence in my mind: "I have not called you only to the literal orphans, but to all the orphans." I understood clearly what this meant: there are many children and adults with living parents, yet they feel dead inside because they feel alone, lonely, worthless, hopeless. God's new call for me was way beyond the literal 153 million orphans, and it included all those who were figurative orphans and needed their view of themselves transformed -- transformed to see themselves as daughters and sons of the King of kings, of infinite value, untold worth, and with eternal hope. On a number of occasions since, when I am talking with someone, regardless of their age, I find myself wondering, 'are you one of them?' By this, I mean, 'are you perhaps a figurative orphan whom the Lord wants to encourage? If they are, Lord, please encourage them in Your love.'

After something this monumental happens -- like God clearly unfolding part of His calling -- it helps me to discuss it and get prayer from my husband and our pastors and elders, so that is what I did. As we prayed that night one of our elders shared with us this truth: "Behold I have set before you an open door." (Rev 3:8), and encouraged me that the Lord was showing me the door He had opened, and that I would know, by His Spirit and direction, when and how to walk through it. This 'OPEN DOOR' passage, since, has been very meaningful to me personally. In the past week the joy of the OPEN DOORS has multiplied, and gone from 1 to 3! I would love to pass along to you what has blessed me!

3 Open Doors!

Today, for you and for me, there are 3 Open Doors! And all in the space of the two open pages for Revelation 3:5 thrugh 4:5 in my ESV Bibble!

1) God's Open Door (Revelation 3:7-8)

"The words of the holy one, who has the key of David, who opens and no one can shut....behold I have set before you an open door, which no one is able to shut."
Whatever God's promised land is for you, NO ONE can shut the door to His good purposes in your life today, or tomorrow, for the rest of your life on earth, or for eternity. Beth and Stephen tell the story of being in Russia and being denied the needed documents for their adoption, of going back to the place they were staying and seeking the Lord in prayer, and of the Lord speaking words of life back into their deflated hearts through this assuring verse of His calling and His intent to open the doors needed for their adoption.

2) Your Open Door (Rev 3:20)

"Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and sup with him, and he with me." So, what I see of about this second door is this. Anyone who has visited a Russian flat knows that there is the outer steel door which must be opened first; so, it is like the husband coming home and opening that heavy first outer door, and then knocking and tenderly calling his wife by name..."Honey, it's me (knock, knock)." She must open that second door in order for him to come inside the home and for them to enjoy time in each other's company. It is this same way for us. The Lord is like that

bridegroom/husband, who holds the first door wide open, determined no one can shut the door on His deep and eternal and unconditional and sufficient love and delight in you and me; and then He politely, gentleman that He is, knocks on the second while calling our names, waiting for us to open this second door of our hearts and invite Him in, to spend time together in each other's presence, listening and speaking in intimate conversation.

3) Heaven's Open Door (Rev 4:1)

"And after this I looked and behold, a door standing open in heaven..Come up here, and I will show you what must take place. At once I was in the Spirit and behold, one seated on the throne...." (read aloud what comes next to your children today an spend some time drawing or painting THAT together....we have done it and they love it!). When we keep reading, expecting to see a series of events unfolding on earth; instead, what we immediately see, is that what 'must take place' is just this: After God opens DOOR ONE, and then we open DOOR TWO, His Spirit opens DOOR THREE for you and me to see, in a glorious way, Jesus, the Lion and the Lamb, seated on Heaven's throne! We walk into heaven's Open Door to worship the One who is seated on the throne and who lives forever and ever, as we and they cast our crowns (proof of our service) before the throne (we don't need those crowns!) saying, "...worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power." It is as unlikely as entering Narnia through the open door of the wardrobe. And it is ours, available, today.

So today, for you, dear soulmate, our prayer is this....that you have eyes to see THREE OPEN DOORS!

- DOOR ONE, which the God of heaven is holding open just for you and your family, so that your part in His Story will be unstoppable...un-shutable!

- DOOR TWO, which you yourself open up so that you and your Friend can spend some time in conversation

- DOOR THREE, which the Spirit Himself reveals, in the intimacy of worship.

And after all this, we cannot help being filled with joy....the kind of joy that is like Peter's: joy inexpressible and full of glory!

REAL LIFE PARENTING IN GRACE: PRACTICAL IDEAS

2013-04-04T07:00:00.000-04:00

From Beth:
Whenever we speak about Parenting in Grace we get responses from parents asking for examples-- how does this look in "real life" you wonder? I love those questions because it seems to me that if we can't flesh out the gospel of grace in the day to day lives of our homes, if it is constrained to

sermons, bible studies, and the occasional outreach event or mission trip, then we are surely missing something! So, I am with you on wanting examples and practical help. We've shared some about the helpful idea of Time In and Taking a Break (rather than the traditional Time Out), and explored Parenting in Grace from many different angles, so today I thought we would take a look at practical ways we can train our child in Grace, bringing an affirming resolution to our discipline.

By the way, these ideas are simply that, ideas. Let the Holy Spirit lead you as you face a negative behavior or habit pattern. He is speaking to you and will give you insight and revelation as you need it. How faithful He is to us parents!
We have really appreciated the folks at Biblical Parenting for practical strategies to try in your home. They speak about the Positive Conclusion, some of which I am sharing with you in this post.

Follow Up and Resolution:
We all want to train our children and help them mature in godly behavior. We all want to get the the heart issues, don't we? As we move past the consequence to address the heart issue, then we are parenting in grace I think. Having a time of follow up, or Resolution, is key to training and maturity. It brings clarity for your child while strengthening your relationship. We don't want to stop at simply correcting a bad behavior; we want to take the opportunity to train in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16).

Not Just Don't, but Do!
We are all pretty quick at knowing what to tell our children NOT to do-- that's easy! "Don't run in the house," "Stop hitting your sister," "Don't talk to me in that tone of voice," etc, etc, etc!! Stephen and I learned (even before our adoptions with our three birth daughters, but especially after we brought home our 5, 7 and 10 year olds who learned behavior in a Russian orphanage) to focus more on what we wanted our children to do than on what we wanted them not to do. When trying to put an end to a bad behavior or habit, it is most effective to replace it with a good behavior, which hopefully will develop into a good habit. We are equipping our children with tools for life when we do this.
So, "don't run in the house" can be followed by, "but you can walk like this" (showing a brisk walk), or "if you'd like to hop on one foot though, that is great!" And rather than simply saying your son's tone of voice is not ok, follow up with an example of what the same sentence would sound like in an appropriate tone of voice.

Let's Pretend You are the Mommy and I am the Child!
When you are talking about an incident, using role play is a great way to train in righteousness. Ask your child what it would look like if things had gone differently? If your child is in a playful mood, it can actually help to play act her behavior from earlier in the day. "Let's pretend you are the mommy and I am the child!" You might, for instance, let her play mommy and you be the one who speaks disrespectfully. Sometimes the shock factor in this approach is really effective. I remember once throwing myself on the kitchen floor in a mock fit to the great astonishment of my girls. We were able to talk about another way to handle not getting the snack they wanted at the time after that! Play acting the scenario empowers your child when the next inevitable situation arises. You are replacing the bad habit with a good one.

Time and Place is Key:
I feel pretty confident in saying that the "heat of the moment" is never the best time to deal with the heart issues behind an action. I've tried it and it doesn't work! I like to see things resolved right away and find it very hard to let an issue go unaddressed, but I've had to get over that for sure. A child who is anxious, angry, hurt or ashamed is simply not able to receive training, much less have a helpful conversation. This is true with any child, but we have seen that with many adopted children there are deep places of fear that get "triggered" by what would normally be an easily dealt with behavior or heart adjustment. Much has been written about how past trauma affects our children so I will just say that, bottom line, wait to work on this type of resolution and training when your child is no longer in fight/flight/freeze mode.
So, here are a few ideas regarding the when and where of your follow up and resolution that have worked in our family:

Bed times are wonderful times to connect. The tender moments when you sense the Lord's peace is ideal to say something like, "Sweetie, do you remember when you got so angry yesterday when I said you couldn't watch a movie......?"
Similarly, first thing in the morning is also a good time. Crawl in bed and snuggle, or just sit on the side and rub her back or put your hand on his head as you talk.
For older children try going for a drive and talking. As important as eye contact is, your teen may be less defensive if you are not looking right at her/him.
We have found that taking a walk is also an effective time to bring up heart issues. Stephen has used this many times and literally always had good results in connecting. And don't let your child's initial negative response throw you! Ours often said something like, "It's too hot," or "I just started this game," etc. Press on and see if this works for you!
Avoid addressing an issue in front of others. If your child feels self-conscious or embarrassed, your window of opportunity will slam shut most likely.

Stay tuned-- next time we'll talk about using this follow up time to help your child understand what he/she did wrong, why it was wrong, and to ask for and give forgiveness.

...BUT GOD!

2013-03-28T07:30:00.000-04:00

Welcome back to our friend, Jessica Honegger. Jessica lives in Austin where she enjoys dance parties with her three littles, 2 biological and one from Rwanda, long dinners with her husband, and good wine with her girlfriends. She spends the majority of her days running Noonday Collection, a business born out of the adoption process, that creates sustainable income opportunities for vulnerable populations. It is a dream so amazing she could have never thought of it herself. You can join the story by visiting www.noondaycollection.com

Noonday is doing a little give away on our blog! Share our blog on facebook and then leave a comment either here or on our facebook page
letting us know you did and we will enter you to win The Chimes Necklace. This piece is handmade in Ethiopia using recycled nickel, copper, and bronze melted down from previous war weapons. Most of the artisans who created the pieces are HIV positive and receive healthcare and literacy training in addition to job training. Their disease does not define them.
This is a beautiful necklace made by beautiful people!
We will pick our winner Thursday, April 4th, so stay tuned!

What If...?

Around 2.5 years ago, we not only started our adoption journey, but God put a business idea on my heart. It combined fashion, poverty alleviation, mobilizing women in the US, and stepping out in LOTS of faith. My biggest fear was not failure, but success. What if I started caring about what other people thought more than what God thought? What if I wanted recognition more than giving God recognition? What if it became so consuming that I would start bowing down to the business and not to Jesus? What if it became so successful it would turn me away from Him?

Impressed with God!

As I was processing all of that with God, I heard him gently say, “You are far more impressed with your ability to sin than you are with the power I have to overcome sin.” I thought that meant, “Don't worry, I am going to keep you from falling into all those traps.” So I jumped, and here is what happened. Two years later, in many ways, this little business idea called Noonday Collection has garnered some pretty cool successes. I mean, thirty people are OUT OF poverty in Uganda, women now are putting their kids through school in Rwanda, and countless others in the most vulnerable places of the world have the opportunity to work with dignity. We have advocated for adoptions, helped bring kids home, and over 150 women (and growing every week) in the US are now business owners, advocates and influencers in their communities. It has been crazy amazing to be a part of this.

And here is what has happened to me. I have cared about what other people thought more than what God thought. I have wanted people’s recognition more than God’s recognition. And I have become so consumed at times that clearly I was on the throne and God was not. I have this psychotic problem with self reliance (don’t you love how I use the few times that 2 of the most respected women in my life ask me to blog as a huge confessional? I mean you should read my last post for Hope at Home, The Day I Asked My Houseguests to Move Out of My House!). I have craved the approval of other women.

God is NOT Impressed with My Sin

And guess what? God is NOT IMPRESSED with all of this failure. 2.5 years ago, when I stepped into this crazy adventure, I thought God would some how keep me from falling into the sin I was so afraid of. Instead, I have learned that God is not impressed with my self-reliance and my need for other people’s approval. Instead, He is impressed with His Son Jesus, who covers all my yucky idolatries, turns away every accusation, and clothes me in absolute perfection. He is impressed with His sufficiency to always turn my gaze back on him. He is IMPRESSED WITH ME because when He looks at me, He sees his perfect Son.

Impressed with Jesus and His Finished Work!

I was talking to one of my besties the other day, and she confessed, “I have this sense of pride when I tell others I am foster mom. Like I am somehow a better follower of Jesus than them.” Another friend, who just brought home her little with special needs was confessing something to me (I can’t even remember what it was!), and I could tell by the look on her face she was thinking “Can you believe that? I mean, that I would be doing THAT?”

I just said, “Not impressed.” I am not impressed with your pride or your whatever, but I am infinitely impressed with Jesus’ work on the cross for you ! My bestie later shared Eph. 2:3-4 "All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God's anger, just like everyone else. But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved." Her new favorite phrase is now BUT GOD. Yes, we can be idiots, BUT GOD is rich in mercy, for He has made me ALIVE WITH CHRIST!

Fix Your Eyes on Jesus

God has given some of you an idea, a dream, an action item. Like me, you may be worried about your sin. The good news is- you ARE going to struggle with the very thing you are worried about BUT GOD, who is rich in mercy, is still asking you to go for it. So quit worrying about yourself and fix your eyes on Jesus! The author of Hebrews encourages us to run with endurance the race GOD SET OUT FOR US. But how? "By keeping our eyes on Jesus, the CHAMPION who INITIATES and perfects our faith" (Hebrews 12:2) When we see Jesus literally running towards us, pursuing us, and loving us, the Spirit within us (the Hope of Glory) adjusts our vision to fixate on Him. When our eyes are fixed on Him, it is pretty hard to fixate on ourselves.

Some of you get to the end of your day and are far more impressed with all the things you did wrong than you are with God’s mercy. He knew every mistake you were going to make today and His desire is still…. YOU. Every part of you, every piece of you, all the good and all the yuck, you are now IN CHRIST and, because of that, God is incredibly impressed with you. Let our new phrase today be “But God”! Let us preach that to one another until we find ourselves gazing into His perfect love. Let us be far more impressed with the cross than in our tendency to bow down to our own affections. When He said, "It is finished," He meant it.

Oh Jesus, THANK YOU that we are "the righteousness of God in Christ" (2 Corinthians 5:21) and that You are so not impressed with our sin! Teach us Lord how to be impressed with You and Your finished work on the cross, for we are alive in You this day, and every other day of our lives, and dead to sin. Amen.

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Save the Date: Hope at Home 2013, September 27-28, Atlanta, GA!

FINDING TIME

2013-03-25T08:14:00.000-04:00

It's so good to hear from Kate again from One Flesh Marriage for our MARRIAGE MONDAY post this month. At Hope at Home we believe that giving attention to our marriages is a primary source of strength for our children, so building up and enjoying our marriage relationship is totally a parenting issue!

Do you remember the time when you were first married and time was all of your own making? As a couple you chose what to do and when, no little ones to run around here and there. I remember thinking when we were first married that we were soooo busy and yet now when I look back on that time and wonder what we actually did with all of our time. We are in the phase of life where we are running kids to activities each evening as well as serving in church ministries during the week as well as Sunday’s. We limit our three children to ONE activity at a time and yet with three of them that still seems to take up much of our free time.

Time is elusive, it slips through our fingers as fast as grains of sand and yet finding time for our marriage is incredibly vital. It is vital to our children, to our one flesh connection with our spouse and to our intimate relationship with our Abba Father. Yet, while it is important to all of these things, time is the first thing to go MIA when life and schedules are full to the brim. So we know it is important and we know we need to prioritize it, but how do we actually flesh that out in this hectic life?

Learn to say No

I am sure you knew this was coming . . . but you need to learn to say no to things so that your spouse can be a priority. Sometimes this will be saying no individually and other times as a couple. It may be saying no to work, to friends and even to church. All of these things are amazing and important in our lives, but God has asked us to keep our priorities in order-God first, spouse second, children third and everything else after those three. Learning to say no will truly help you. You can do it; it won’t always be easy but it will be worth it!

What do you do in your free time together?

So you are home with your spouse and have free time-- I know it doesn’t happen often but when it does what do you choose to do with that free time? Do you check Facebook, or watch a game, or fold laundry? Or do you forget all of that for a glorious hour and spend that time with your spouse?

Our plates are so full that naturally we like to lighten the load when we have free time; I totally get that and fall into the same routine. Yet when you have your spouse with you, make that time about them. It will be an incredible blessing and I assure you that your laundry will still be there when you are done. No laundry fairy here yet, but if you find one, send them our way!

Sneak moments often

When you have those little moments of time to sneak a hug or a kiss or a snuggle-do it! Those moments, though short are good. They are bonding moments and are important to staying close and connected. Don’t be tempted to just skip right over those moments, embrace them (and your beloved) often throughout the day.

10 minutes of the day talk

Decompressing and unwinding from the day is a gift that often times can seem like a task, especially when there is a lot of other things that need done. When your spouse gets home from work, or if you both do, take 10 minutes to sit down together and just talk about both of your days. If you kids are still little, this is a great time for them to watch a video or to be in the high chair getting a snack. This time helps you to understand each other’s day, stresses and joys. It truly is connecting you and husband and wife to share about your day.

Schedule date nights weekly

Yup, weekly! You may be thinking I am crazy. Who has that kind of time or money? I hear you and agree. One of the things we have done that has been incredible is something we call “dinner date nights”. We feed the kids dinner and sit and chat with them as they eat, then after we have tucked them in bed, we have dinner just the two of us in a nice quiet kitchen. If your kids are older and you have the funds, then by all means go out together once a week. These dates don’t have to cost anything really, unless you choose to. Taking time to be close and alone will nurture intimacy. And since I mentioned that, remember to seek out sexual intimacy with your spouse each week too-it is a need in marriage, not just a want.

Pray

Pray together sometime during your day. Seeking God together is such a wonderful thing. Aren’t sure? Give it a try and see if you are not blessed in incredible ways. There is nothing like your spouse praying for you and for your family.

These are just a few ways you can begin to find that time once again for your marriage. God wants good things for your marriage and he desires for you to know the fullness of His plan for one flesh. Seek to find time in each day and each week to nurture your marriage together. You will find that all areas of your life will benefit from prioritizing your marriage. Once you carve out that time, it will become so special that you will find you want to carve out more. God will bless you in that.

What other ways have you learned to carve out time in your marriage? We would love to hear them!

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WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU RATHER BE DOING?

2013-03-18T20:00:00.000-04:00

From Beth Templeton:

Complaining
Sometimes a mom just has to have a good complaining session, you know what I mean? Well, at least I know I do. It's never fruitful or helpful to let the session last too long, but sometimes I just have to "get it out." I remember driving my big extended 12 passenger van one day fully engaged in one of these "sessions." I was concerned about multiple issues with our children, all of which were either rooted in adoption issues or were exacerbated by them. At that point all seven of our children were living at home and in school, and I remember feeling simply overwhelmed by all the needs. So, I'm driving the van, painfully aware of all that was not right in our family, and completely unaware at the moment of all that was good! And that led me to thinking how I just wished I could just go away-- by myself! Anyone else "out there" know that feeling?

The "I'm DONE!" feeling?

The Lord's Response
I'm sharing this with you because I'll always remember that particular complaining session. I remember because of the Lord's response to me. How kind of Him to listen to my complaints that I had not even turned into prayers. He asked me one simple question. I find that He has a way of doing that-- of asking a question instead of giving an answer. And somehow the question, coming from Him, releases the freedom I so desire and so need to move forward.
(You'd think an answer is what we need, but somehow the answer with all its multifaceted beauty is tucked into the folds of the question. I think God enjoys my process of discovery! Proverbs 25:2 says that "It is God's privilege to conceal things and the king's privilege to discover them.")

So in the midst of my complaining He asked me this:

"What would you rather be doing?"

As I am typing this I find my eyes stinging with tears once again at His kindness to me in that one question. For hidden within that simple question were great depths of His love, both for me and for my children.

A Work of Powerful Love

Adoption is a beautiful thing. Not the kind of beauty that is soft and gentle, butterflies and bunnies. Its beauty is rugged and powerful and sometimes even frightening in it's scope. What a glorious thing to be a part of! What a privilege to co-labor with the God of the Universe as He pours out His love on these children. Indeed, what would I rather be doing?! To be an intimate player in a work of eternal significance is too lofty a thing. And yet, God has called me and many of you reading right now to partner with Him in the miraculous transformation of an orphan into a true son or daughter. That He would condescend to allow me to partner with Him, that He would call my name to join Him in His eternal purposes and will-- I am overwhelmed at such an invitation.

A Work of Rebuilding and Restoring Love
Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is the work of rebuilding and raising up, of repair and restoration. It is the very work that Jesus gave His life to make available to us. Again, what else would I rather be doing? To have the awesome and deeply humbling opportunity to participate in putting an end to what are often generations of destructive living, resulting in great pain and disfunction, and to then be a part of the restoration work made available through God's love found in Jesus. For many of our children (certainly not all adopted and foster children fit in this description, but most it seems) there are generations of ancient ruins and age-old foundations that God wants to rebuild, and many whose inheritance apart from adoption is not one of wholeness and abundant life. How amazing is it that we can be a part of the giving and receiving of a new inheritance, of a complete legacy shift, so that future generations no longer inherit abandonment, rejection, survival and pain. To see our children embrace love and then have the freedom to give love, to see them learn to enjoy life and to make plans for their future with excited anticipation-- this is just incredible! Oh what a shift adoption is making in the trajectory of a generational line. Is this not amazing to be a part of?! It is the gospel at work and it is powerful and oh so good!!

The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. (Isaiah 58:11-12)

A Work of Intense Love
Adoption is a beautiful thing. What other occupation would I prefer? Yes it is a work that is difficult and sometimes overwhelming. And I am thankful for the trend in the adoption community to share some of the harsher realities of adoption. Indeed, it is necessary that we not "sugar coat" the more intense nature of this beautiful occupation. But I also see that in the authentic sharing we can sometimes lose sight of what it is we are actually doing.

Gotcha Day for the Templetons

For it is a beautiful thing to be a part of. And I don't mean just those amazing moments when you your child comes home for the first time and there is great celebration and joy, or when your child calls you mommy or daddy for the first time, or when she seeks you out for comfort rather than retreating into herself, or when he pats your cheek and tells you he loves you more than anyone in the world, or even when she thanks you for adopting her. I also mean those tough and sometime cutting moments when she says she wishes she never was adopted, or that you aren't his "real" mother, or when she goes into a violent rage causing the whole family to retreat from the pain of it all, or when he shuts you out, unable to accept your love. All of these scenarios are beautiful I believe. Beautiful because it is for these situations, both the 'good' and the 'bad' that God brought our children into our homes.

Dear friends, if you are in a difficult season with your child think of this-- was it not for this very situation you are dealing with that God Himself brought your daughter or son into your family? Did He not look ahead into time when He saw the plight of your child and say to Himself, "where can I find a safe place for this precious child to live so that I can go about my work of restoration and rebuilding? It will be a costly work, and it will be years in the doing. Who can I trust with the messiness of such a work? Where is a safe place where I can pour out my healing love and where this sometimes trying work can be accomplished?" He looked to His people and saw you and me. He saw His servants who know how, when sun-scorched and weak, to enjoy the "spring that never fails."

A Work of Enduring Love
Adoption is a beautiful thing. For in it we participate in God's enduring love. The scriptures are full of this phrase, "His love endures forever." There is a story being told in the kingdom; it is the story of this enduring love. And you and I have been invited to enter in to the story. We have been given the shocking honor to participate in the kind of love that is solid, immovable and patient. Not our love-- for those adjectives don't describe the quality of my love! No, this is the story of God's love that I get to enjoy and share.
To endure is to hold out against, to sustain with out yielding, to last, to bear with patience. It is lasting and it is permanent. What else would I rather being doing with my life than to join into the telling of this love story?! What price is too great for the opportunity day after day to participate and co-labor with enduring love?!

So, when I get started in one of my complaining sessions it is best for me to step back and ask myself the question that sets me free from whatever disappointment and discouragement is in the now--
For indeed, What else would I rather be doing?

Oh Lord God, nothing else. Thank you for allowing me to walk alongside my child and to be a well-watered garden, a source of life. Teach me how to receive the sustenance You are for me when I feel sun-scorched and weary. What an honor it is, Father, to be allowed a role in this amazing story of restoration. And thank you that you are busy doing a work of enduring love in me as well. So, Father, I invite you to keep telling your story of enduring love in my home, in my life, in my family, in my heart. For it is true Lord, adoption is a beautiful thing.

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CONNECT THE PILLARS

2013-03-14T17:40:00.000-04:00

From Susan Hillis:

It was early Friday morning when I felt directed to diverge from my typical reading for the day (usually I follow a plan that takes me through the Bible in a year). But that day I felt the need to study the word pillars. My mind went back to John Eldredge's book, Walking with God, one of my favorites, and his stories of asking, "God, show me if there is something special you have for me to read today."

Do it! I dare you! :). For me, that day, it was pillars.

Connect The Pillars

Now, for me, pillars are leaders placed by God to accomplish His express purposes for a defined group of people. These pillars may, for example, pillars in a family, or in the global call to care for vulnerable children. I have known for years that one of God's calls on my life is to "connect the pillars." In fact, one of our kids drew a picture of it years ago. I had initially assumed the "connect the pillars" call was primarily focused on me helping to connect those moms and dads and other leaders called to love orphans to each other.

Then it became clear, the principal connections are NOT horizontal, but vertical. Each of us pillars seeking to strengthen each other in God, to fortify, as it were, each other's connections to our heavenly Father....to be connected upwards more than sideways.

Pillars-- Upheld, Ablaze, Reflecting
As I searched the word pillars in my droid app, these verses jumped out with fresh life:
1. Ps 75:3 ...when the earth totters and all its inhabitants, it is I who holds up its pillars.

This means for me, as a mom and wife at home, and in my service at work and church, I do not hold myself up--God holds me and you up! This frees us from disappointment when others do not support or appreciate us in the way we expect, in my family or church or job or friendships. I am NOT looking to them to hold me up. I AM looking to the Lord to hold me up. WE BEHELD THAT WE COULD BE HELD

2. Exo 13:21...and the Lord went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they may travel by day and by night....the pillar of cloud and fire did not depart from the people.
The majority of verses about pillars refer to this clear manifestation of the visible presence and leading of God. And this truth was impressed on me as I listened before God:
TO BE PILLARS,
MY PILLARS
MUST FOLLOW MY PILLARS
In other words, to be the structure of strength and security and stability in our home and God's world, God's pillars must be intent on living in His presence and direction....on following His modern day pillars. We are embraced and enveloped in His love and we pass it along, like that river of living water flowing from our innermost beings.

3. Rev 3:12...and the one who conquers, I will make him a pillar in the temple of our God...and I shall write on him the Name of my God.

What Name is this? Emmanuel, God with us, and Jesus the great forgiver. May this Name be written on me so that my children and others sense that I am with and for them, and that I accept them fully, unconditionally, with full forgiveness, calling forth by my words, the treasure in them, speaking to them words of life and hope and love.

Lord, ever make us Your pillars!
Pillars upheld
Pillars ablaze from following the pillar of fire so closely
Pillars reflecting the essence of the One who adores us all.
Amen.

"I'M NOT SIGNING FOR THAT!"

2013-03-10T19:50:00.000-04:00

From Beth Templeton:
It has happened to me quite a few times over the years. The first time was in high school, and then it happened again in college. I get these packages delivered to me out of the blue. They have my name on them, and my address. Even when I lived in Texas, then North Carolina, and here in Georgia, I hear a ring at the door and when I go to answer, this delivery guy is standing there with a package addressed to Beth Templeton. He says something like, "I have a package you need to sign for." The crazy thing is, it even happens sometimes when I am on vacation!

In the early years, I just did what you have probably done many times as well-- I signed for the package. It had my name on it, for heavens sake! Of course it is mine, right? And when these packages first started coming to my door it simply never occurred to me to do anything else but sign my name and take that package as my own.

I Did Not Order This!
Then I would, of course, open up this package addressed to me, but inside was something I definitely did not want. I surely did not order this! Inside my package, the one with my name on it, the one I signed for and accepted into my home, was something I had become quite familiar with-- Anxiety. Like I said, for years when the delivery guy arrived, most of the time completely randomly it seemed to me, I just figured this package of anxiety was mine.

I was anxious. I dealt with anxiety. Anxiety is a part of who I am.....
It seemed that signing for it made a sort of sense I suppose. Because I had bought into the lie that if it is delivered to my door and if it has my name on it-- for no doubt, there were always things to be anxious about!-- then I would have to accept it and deal with it as a part of my life.

I'll always remember when I heard this analogy, shared in a sermon at a revival meeting many years ago. It was then that I realized that, actually, I did not have to sign for this package of anxiety. As a matter of fact, I thought, "What in the world?! Just because it has my name on it does not mean it is mine. I am not signing for that!"

Standing at the Door
And ever since then, if you could hear the things I say to myself, you would hear, "I'm not signing for that," repeated many times over the years. Because what I have learned is that the enemy will take any opportunity to offer a package that has a certain perverse attraction for us. For you it may not be anxiety, but some other lie rooted in an experience or way of thinking from your past. Perhaps rejection, or out of control anger, or fear, or depression, or hopelessness....
But, my friends, there is great freedom and power in realizing that we get to choose whether or not we receive these packages. You and I have authority in Jesus to stand at the door of our homes and authorize entry to those things that are True and Good from the Father's hand. And we have authority likewise to de-authorize those packages that contain lies and deceptions from the enemy.

I Am Not Signing For That!

Certainly, as adoptive and foster parents, there is much we could be anxious about for our children. And if you are like me, you will find that the delivery guy will still try to trick you into signing for that old package you used to receive at will. My guy seems to like to drop by and try his old tricks at different times just to see if I might sign this time. He's pretty persistent. Sometimes he won't show up for years, and then sure enough, the door bell rings and I find myself getting ready to sign for that package with my name on it. Adoptive parenting has certainly provided some prime delivery opportunities for sure! But no, I know better than that these days. That package is not coming into this house, this heart!

So, I want to encourage us all today to take a second look at those home deliveries. Is this package really yours? Does the return address say,
from: Father God, Heaven
If not, I invite you to say as I do, in a loud voice, with the authority that is ours in Christ, "I AM NOT SIGNING FOR THAT!"

WHOSE STORY ARE YOU IN?

2013-03-07T06:30:00.000-05:00

From Susan Hillis:
I absolutely love to read, and I have read 2 books recently that have me ON FIRE with excitement about loving big and anticipation about praying big! The first book has helped remind me that there is a way to live FREE FROM STRESS-
I Am Not but I Know I Am, by Louie Giglio. The second has inspired me to believe God to continue to do immeasurably more- The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson. Or, to put it differently, the first inspires me to LOVE BIG and the second, to PRAY BIG. These have been themes the Lord has had on my heart for these early months of 2013.

Free to LOVE BIG!
In his book Louie Giglio explains how, as he was meditating on Moses at the burning bush hearing the voice of God say, "I AM WHO I AM," it becomes clear that if God's name is "I AM," then our names, yours and mine, are "I AM NOT." If God's Name is I AM All-powerful, All-loving, All-present, Self-sufficient, etc., then the corollary is that your name is I AM NOT all-powerful, all-loving, all-present, self-sufficient, etc. But the clincher is this: your life is about you living inside God's story, not about you trying to convince God to come live inside your story.

This revelation has brought me so much joy and freedom amidst life's concerns in my family and work and ministry:

do you face strained relationships? God is all-powerful and all-loving and it is His story we are in.
do you face a wayward child? God is all-powerful and all-loving and it is His story we and they are in.
do you face more work to accomplish than there are hours in the day? God is all-powerful and all-loving and it is His story we are in
do you face concern over a health or financial problem: God is all-powerful and all-loving and it is His story we are in
do you face a bleak future for someone you care for deeply: God is all-powerful and all-loving and it is His story they are in

When you realize you are in God's story, then you also realize it is not your job to fix yourself and to fix the people and problems in your life; rather, it is your job to allow the love of God to accomplish what He will in and through you and others and in all of our challenges and problems.
In other words, we love big because we are loved by a big God, who is FOR us and FOR those we care about.

I particularly have seen this in our daughter who struggled with reactive attachment disorder; she is doing so well now, but her teen years were quite tumultuous for her and for our family. She ran away several times, at times sleeping in the tree house in our back yard; when she would run away, Brian would run away with her, sleeping in the freezing rain at the base of the tree house. She would holler down something like this: "I am running away from home! Why are you following me?!" To which Brian would reply, "This is what daddy's do when they love their children; they stay nearby to keep them safe and protect them from harm; sleeping outside all night in treehouses is not safe, so I am your daddy who loves you and will stay close, so that I can protect you." She was still in his story, even though she was running away. Your children and everyone you love is still in their Father's story, even when they run away. And none of us ever leaves our Father's story!!!

Inspired to PRAY BIG!
So if Louie's book inspires me to love with reckless abandon because I am inside of God's story, then Batteson's The Circle Maker inspires me to PRAY BIG because God supernaturally and mysteriously uses prayer to influence His story!!!!! This is AAAMAAAAZIIIINGGGG!! The theme of this book is this, "God honors bold prayers and bold prayers honor God."
Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:
"The Israelites didn't conquer Jericho because of a brilliant military strategy or brute force. They learned how to let God fight their battles for them." (p.31)

quoting from Conrad Hilton's (the hotelier) autobiography: "In the circle of succcessful living, prayer is the hub that holds the wheel together. Without our context with God [there it is again...His Story!], we are nothing. With it, we are a 'little lower than the angels, crowned with glory and honor.'" (p.150)'"
"Prayer is the way we escape the gravitational pull of the flesh and enter God's orbit. It's the way we escape our atmosphere and enter God's space....without prayer, there is no escape. With prayer and fasting, there is no doubt." (p.174)
"Parents are prophets to their children. And part of our prophetic role is knowing the Scriptures and knowing our children well enough to know what promises they need to circle... So we circle Scripture by praying it. Then Scripture encircles us." (p. 104) (This reminds me of the story of when one of our children, in the teen years, was hopelessly in love with the wrong person....someone who was noble, with great aspirations, yet missing faith; I knew my child well enough to know this was not the right one for any permanent future; at one point the danger became very apparent and I felt directed to enter a liquid-only-fast until the attraction was severed. The fast didn't even last a week, before my child shared with me, "I don't know what has happened; I was sitting today at lunch with xxxxx and I suddenly realized that all my attraction to xxxxxx had disappeared." It was only at that point that I shared about my fast and that I was not surprised and I praised God for this protection.)

Ready to RECEIVE BIG!

Passion 2013

On January 1 I was sitting in the Georgia Dome for the opening night of the Passion Conference, along with 60,000 college students and young people. Louie Giglio challenged everyone there to believe God wants to do 'immeasurably more' and to ask God in prayer for one or two big prayer requests - the immeasurably more kind. I had two immediate requests:

1) that I would be able to attend the Presidential Prayer Breakfast in February (because I see He has called me to work both within the government and within the church on behalf of the world's vulnerable children) and
2) that God would be placing a loving believer in the life of every orphan, to help them see their value and worth.

Susan with her daughters and granddaughters.

I was both surprised and thankful that the first prayer was answered, and now I am waiting on the second one. For the second one, leaders from governments and churches and businesses will have to work together for the common goal of caring for the world's vulnerable children, who are, in fact the world's future. I have personally seen in our own family that the cycle of sadness and vulnerability can be interrupted -- as our granddaughters thrive in the loving arms of their mamas and daddies. I am praying and believing that, together, the cycle of despair and vulnerability can be interrupted and reversed for the children of the world, because it is true what we used to sing-- Jesus loves the little children,all the children of the world.

We, my dear friends, have great trust: PRAY BIG AND LOVE BIG, for those who are with us are IN GOD'S STORY.

LAW VS. GRACE

2013-03-03T16:30:00.000-05:00

From Beth Templeton:

THE LAW

1. shows you what is wrong with you (sin-conscious)

2. relies on external controls

3. focuses on sin/sin prevention

4. focuses on the outward behavior

5. is rigid

6. works in the context of rules

7. controls

8. punishes

9. is backward looking

10. withholds intimacy/creates emotional distance

11. stimulates shame, fear, hiding, bondage

12. is conforming

13. requires/forces performance

GRACE

1. reveals that you are the righteousness of God in Christ (Christ-conscious)

2. trains in Holy Spirit control

3. focuses on Identity/Destiny

4. focuses on the heart

5. gives Spirit-led choices

6. works in the context of relationship

7. empowers

8. trains/disciples

9. is forward looking

10. reveals and enjoys intimacy

11. produces openness, encouragement, freedom to make mistakes

12. is transforming

13. yields and expects fruitfulness (as a natural consequence)

H@HKIDS! DISCERNING THE VOICE OF GOD: IMPRESSIONS, WORD OF KNOWLEDGE, WORD OF WISDOM

2013-02-28T06:30:00.000-05:00

If you are like us, you are passionate about training your children to hear from their Father God. Scripture is full of the ways God speaks to His children. This post is 6th in our H@HKids! series. They are written for your older children to be able to read on their own and for you to read and discuss, maybe one section at a time, together as a family. You may want to go back and copy off the others (just click on the numbers below) in the series on Hearing God from our friend Colleen Coombs. They are a wonderful resource for your family devotionals:
One, Two, Three, Four, Five

To find out more about Colleen Coombs and her ministry to children, check out No More Crumbs Ministry.

Isn’t it amazing how creative God is that he uses so many languages to speak to us?! It makes me so excited to share these with others, as so many people don’t know that God wants to talk to all of His children.

IMPRESSIONS
Another language that God uses is Impressions. Impressions are feelings, emotions, or ideas that you have about a person or situation, that come from God. It can be something God puts in your heart to do that can help others.

In Jeremiah, God talks about putting things in our hearts and minds. When He does this, he is showing us that He is our God and we are his children.

Jeremiah 31:33, Hebrews 8:10 & Hebrews 10:16

“This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel after that time,” declares the Lord.

“I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts.

I will be their God, and they will be my people...”

One of the best examples of God using Impressions is Nehemiah! It was an impression that God gave Nehemiah that moved him to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem - and in only 52 days! This was one of the greatest building undertakings in the Old Testament and it was accomplished based on an impression from God!

Nehemiah 2:11-12

I set out during the night with a few others. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem. There were no mounts with me except the one I was riding on.

Nehemiah 7:5

So my God put it into my heart to assemble the nobles, the officials and the common people for registration by families. I found the genealogical record of those who had been the first to return.

In Ezra, we see that God is the one who ‘moved the heart’ of the king to make a proclamation. Ezra also praises God for putting it into the king’s heart to bring honor to the house of the Lord. So we see that once again God can speak to those that don’t yet know Him.

Ezra 1:1

In the first year of Cyrus king of Persia, in order to fulfill the word of the LORD spoken by Jeremiah, the LORD moved the heart of Cyrus king of Persia to make a proclamation throughout his realm and also to put it in writing.

Ezra 7:27

Praise be to the Lord, the God of our ancestors, who has put it into the king’s heart to bring honor to the house of the Lord in Jerusalem in this way.

In the story of the bleeding woman, she felt in her heart that if she touched Jesus’ clothes she would be healed. And she was!

Mark 5:27-29

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

God gave Titus the same concern for the church that He had given to Paul. This concern led Titus to go and help the church in Corinth - all because God impressed this upon his heart!! (II Corinthians 8:16-17). God puts things in our hearts so we will accomplish the plans He has for us in the Kingdom.

Revelation 17:17

For God has put it into their hearts to accomplish his purpose by agreeing to hand over to the beast their royal authority, until God’s words are fulfilled.

WORD OF KNOWLEDGE
A Word of Knowledge is knowledge given to you by the Holy Spirit that that you would have no way of knowing on your own. It does not come from our own experience. It is a Gift of the Spirit.

I Corinthians 12:7-8

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit.

A Word of Knowledge is the Holy Spirit sharing information about certain people and situations. It is God showing us a problem, a sickness, or other situation revealed by the Spirit, so we can pray and act according to His will.

Words of Knowledge give godly understanding and facts about circumstances that does not come from others. This spiritual knowledge agrees with God’s word – which is true, factual, trustworthy, and pure.

There are over two dozen examples in I Samuel 9 and 10 of specific words of knowledge God gave to the prophet Samuel. Here are a couple of examples:

I Samuel 9:15-16

Now the day before Saul came, the Lord had revealed this to Samuel: “About this time tomorrow I will send you a man from the land of Benjamin. Anoint him ruler over my people Israel; he will deliver them from the hand of the Philistines. I have looked on my people, for their cry has reached me.”

I Samuel 9:19-20

“I am the seer,” Samuel replied. “Go up ahead of me to the high place, for today you are to eat with me, and in the morning I will send you on your way and will tell you all that is in your heart. As for the donkeys you lost three days ago, do not worry about them; they have been found. And to whom is all the desire of Israel turned, if not to you and your whole family line?”

In I Samuel 12:1-18, we see that God gave Nathan a word of knowledge concerning David and Bathsheba. He knew that they had sinned before God and he told David how angry God was with him.

Elisha is another example of God speaking through a word of knowledge. He knew Gehazi was lying to Naaman about some silver coins. You can read this story in 2 Kings 5:25-27.

In the New Testament we see God revealed the truth to Peter about the money Ananias and his wife held back from the church and then lied about in Acts 5:1-4.

Words of Knowledge also work with gifts of Healing. When God reveals an ailment, injury or sickness, it is because He wants to heal this. Words of Knowledge and Words of Wisdom often work together: knowledge is like a foundation that wisdom builds on.

WORDS OF WISDOM
The Gift of Wisdom is the wisdom of God about people, places, or situations. It is a wisdom that comes from the Spirit of God and has nothing to do with what we have learned, which is the wisdom of the world. Through this gift, God lets us know how he wants us to deal with a specific situation in the present or the future. This Spirit-given wisdom gives the best solution for a disagreement or problem. It gives the best answer to a difficult question and the best way of acting in a tough situation.

You might even say, “This was not an answer that I got by preparing and thinking about it for a long time. It was given to me when I needed it and it was from the Holy Spirit.” This results in bringing glory to God!

1Corinthians 12:8

“To one is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom.”

Proverbs 2:6

For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

Luke 21:14-15

But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves. For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.

The person best known for hearing God this way was Solomon! He was known for the words of wisdom God gave him. He was the wisest man that ever lived because God gave him His wisdom, not mans.

I Kings 4:29

God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore.

I Kings 10:24 & II Chronicles 9:23

The whole world sought audience with Solomon to hear the wisdom God had put in his heart.

In the New Testament we see Stephen heard God’s wisdom. This wisdom was so wise that the Jews could not even argue with it!

Acts 6:9-10

Opposition arose, however, from members of the Synagogue of the Freedmen (as it was called)—Jews of Cyreneand Alexandria as well as the provinces of Cilicia and Asia—who began to argue with Stephen. But they could not stand up against the wisdom the Spirit gave him as he spoke.

We see that Joseph, in the OT, had this wisdom from God which helped him to become very powerful in Pharaoh’s court. God spoke wisdom to him in order to fulfill His plans for the future of Israel.

Acts 7:9-10

“Because the patriarchs were jealous of Joseph, they sold him as a slave into Egypt. But God was with him and rescued him from all his troubles. He gave Joseph wisdom and enabled him to gain the goodwill of Pharaoh King of Egypt. So Pharaoh made him ruler over Egypt and all his palace.

God gave Paul this kind of wisdom before the council of the Sanhedrin and also to encourage the churches.

II Peter 3:15

Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation, just as our dear brother Paul also wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him.

Have you ever been in a tough situation and suddenly knew just what to do? Well that was God speaking words of wisdom to you. The great thing about wisdom is that God promises us He will give us His wisdom if we just ask and believe

James 1:5

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

Can you think of a time when you felt the need to call or write someone – a friend or relative? What happened when you did this? I bet the person was so blessed by what you did and knew God had told you to do this! Ask God to speak to you in these languages and see what He does! It's a great idea to journal everything God speaks to you so you have it to remember later.

May God bless you each with ears to hear and hearts and minds to receive all that God wants to speak to you!

RULES AND BOUNDARIES IN GRACE

2013-02-24T16:30:00.000-05:00

From Beth Templeton:

If you're like most of us, you wonder if all this talk about relationship and grace means that we just let our children do what they want.
Are we saying it is ok for them to misbehave?
Don't we have to "lay down the law" sometimes?
Are you saying we become lazy parents?
Don't we have boundaries?

Absolutely, we have boundaries and rules! I like what Tim Kimmel says in his book, Grace Based Parenting, about family rules. He talks about how some we write in pencil, some in pen, or a sharpie-- and I would add some we write with our blood! He explains that Grace helps you to determine the rules and boundaries for your family, it does not eliminate them. Grace is the power of the cross put into effect in the life of your family-- it is no mushy free-for-all! Grace does indeed call forth and require certain behaviors, for it sees who the child is in Christ and works to disciple and train to that reality. Grace is often firm, but never harsh. Grace is intentional and passionate. The Apostle Paul spoke about the effect of Grace in his life in 1 Corinthians 15:10, "But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me."

Grace Empowers
Grace will empower you as a parent, calling you to deeper places of love, both between you and your Father and between you and your child.

To me, the main difference that Parenting in Grace makes is in how I attend to the sin of my children, not that I don't attend to it at all. Under law, when my child disobeys, I make them pay. And I withdraw relationship, at least for a while. I let them know that their actions have created a distance between us. That my displeasure and disappointment, along with their behavior, has resulted in the withholding of my love and approval. Sound familiar? Yikes! I suspect we have all done this to some extent-- it is a normal human emotional response.

But I am learning that in Grace I need never use emotional distance as a parenting tool. For the Lord has promised me that because of Jesus and His finished work on the cross, He will never leave me nor forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5) He has made it clear that I have access to Him at all times, not based on my bad behavior that day, and not even based on my good behavior! No. My access to His love is mine through the Goodness of Jesus, His righteousness imputed to me. So, as I learn to enjoy this relationship, I am able to mirror that in my relationship with my child.

God is Parenting Me As I Parent My Child
You are going to find that God comes alongside you to parent you through the process of parenting your child. Many of are truly pioneering a new thing. Maybe your parents did not know the Lord the way you do. Father God wants to parent you even now. I am 24 years into this parenting adventure, and still rely on the Lord to show me a new approach for a particular child at a particular time. I am learning, growing and changing-- because I can! Under the Law there is rigidity, lots of black and white. Under Grace there is the movement, growth and freedom that is inherent in relationship. Relationships are not static are they?

We want to Parent our Child the way God Parents Us. How would you describe God’s treatment of you?
He is altogether lovely, and so very kind. Think of how He has parented you. Has He ever come to you wagging His finger in disgust, so ashamed of you, telling you you must get your act together before He can even deal with you. Never! The more we experience this wonderful love for ourselves, the more able we are to give this to our children.

Grace Accesses the Power of God
Under Grace I have the freedom to love unconditionally.
Grace is what enables us, and our children too, to access the power of God! Because of Grace I can turn to the Lord even at my worst moment and receive His help. Because of Grace I can teach my children that when they sin they have not cut themselves off from me because I am angry or disappointed in them. Nor do they have to hurry up and behave better before I will allow them to draw close. I may need to take some time to let my emotions calm down and align my feelings with the Truth, but I never need to punish my child by withdrawing my approval or love. They too have access to the power of God that helps them in their weakness. They too discover that grace empowers them to obey.

Yes, We Do Have Rules!
So yes, we do have rules. For instance, we have decided that in the Templeton family we are going to worship with other believers-- that is, we go to church. That is a rule that we have written in blood, so to speak. It is in our relationship with Jesus that we make this decision. If you are a child in our home, you go to church. Grace helped us decide this rule, but we have found that grace also has helped us love our children through seasons where they have struggled with it.

We have had many rules over the years that have been penciled in, ready to be erased and adjusted or rewritten according to the season we are in. Rules in Grace exist in the context of a loving relationship, whereas rules in the Law exist for the purpose of preventing or avoiding sin. And I'm sorry to say that try as we might, rules simply cannot play that role.
But regardless, Grace sees the breaking of a rule as an Opportunity to train and to teach, not as an opportunity to extract payment through punishment and judgement.

God is educating you; that’s why you must never drop out. He’s treating you as dear children. This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it’s training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God’s training so we can truly live? Hebrews 12:7-8

And God is able to make all grace (every favor and earthly blessing) come to you in abundance, so that you may always and under all circumstances and whatever the need be self-sufficient [possessing enough to require no aid or support and furnished in abundance for every good work and charitable donation].

2 Corinthians 9:8

FROM THE INSIDE OUT

2013-02-19T06:30:00.001-05:00

From Beth Templeton:

We want to get at the hearts of our children, because when we correct behavior without reaching the heart, we bring our child under the law, which brings them under condemnation. (2 Corinthians 3:9) And we know from Romans 8:1-3 that

"now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins."

External Structures and Internal Beliefs

I’m all for changing behavior! I’d much rather have a child not whine than whine, or not lie than lie. Absolutely! But we don’t want to be like the Pharisees whose focus was primarily and even solely on the externals, never getting to the heart.

“For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy-- full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too.” Matthew 23:25-26

Applied to parenting, this approach is more of a focus on the cultural rather than the structural realities in our homes. In other words, in Grace we have the freedom to go beyond the external structures created by our rules, into the inward beliefs and ways of thinking found behind our child's actions. I know Stephen and I have found that this issue of deep inward beliefs and thoughts is especially critical for our adopted children, for they have experienced things in their own lives that have "told" them lies about themselves and about the world they live in. You know these ugly "friends" that whisper things in your precious child's ear--
"you don't belong. you are bad. there is something wrong with you. you are a victim. you are rejected. you can trust no one. you are, in the end, alone. you need to do what it takes to survive. you don't have what it takes. no one understands you....."
These lies are so deeply rooted, and I often find myself so very thankful, once again, for the Amazing and Powerful Grace that is my inheritance as we love our children, for Grace is greatly needed. As I mentioned in my previous post, sometimes we just wish we could slap a good rule on the problem and walk away, but instead we see the Lord, Emmanuel, God With Us- calling us to do as He did for us-- to walk straight into that place of lack or that lie or that fear in our child's heart and love them from the inside out.

Training and Punishment We have written in past blog posts about the difference between parenting with training and discipline rather than with punishment. (Take a look here, and here.) It is so helpful as we learn to parent from the inside out to have clarity about the difference.

To train is to develop or form the habits, thoughts or behavior of a child by discipline and instruction.

So, training is something we do to help our child move forward. It is focused on their Identity and Destiny in Christ. We train for the purpose of moving them into that Identity and Destiny. We train in preparation for what is ahead.
With training and discipline we teach our child how to grasp the effective love of God for themselves and to enjoy the free gift of their inheritance and all the benefits of that powerful love, not to avoid the need for it!
Training recognizes sinful behavior as an opportunity to teach and shepherd rather than seeing it as something that should be quickly hidden from view. Training embraces the opportunity, messy and unpleasant as it may often be, to love a child in and then through an issue so that what is hidden is brought into the light and exposed to love and discipline.

Proverbs 3:11-12

“My son, do not despise the LORD’S discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”

Ephesians 6:4

“Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger [do not exasperate them to resentment], but rear them [tenderly] in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord.”

Psalm 32:8-9

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye. Do not be like the horse or like the mule which have no understanding, which must be harnessed with bit and bridle, else they will not come near you.”

Directing the Flow
I love the definition of the word used for Teach in Psalm 32. It is the word yarah-- to instruct, direct; to point, shoot, aim; to cast in a straight manner; to direct the flow of something.

The way God teaches us when we need to be corrected is to direct the flow of our lives, of our behavior, so that we are pointed in the forward direction of our destiny in Him.

Note the difference with punishment--
Punishment is a penalty inflicted as payment for an offense or fault. So, where training is forward looking, punishment is backward looking. It seeks to exact payment for something that as happened in the past.

As we love our children from the Inside Out, let's set our hearts to train and correct our children knowing the the issue of their sin has been dealt with on the cross, freeing us up to focus on directing the flow of their lives in the direction of their destiny rather than focus on dealing with their sin.

Next time I'll share some thoughts on the role of rules and boundaries as we Parent in Grace.

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I COPIED HER; I COPIED HIM

2013-02-15T06:50:00.000-05:00

From Susan Hillis:

I often talk about how much I wished, 15 years ago, that I knew someone with 10 kids who was 15 years older and could download years of lessons and wisdom and create ideas and fun into my memory bank, so that I could make these random, emergency, and even planned withdrawals regularly, as need and opportunity arose. Alas there was no such woman in my life. Now at the stage at which I find myself, with 10 kids, ages 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 22, 23, 25, 26, 27, I realize that I could do a much better job than I am doing, of being for someone else what I wished someone would have been for me.

Copy-Cat

Do you ever remember being teased when you were a child, by some bigger kid taunting you with, "Copy-cat, Copy-cat, you are a Copy-cat!"

I do, and it always sounded like something really bad! Well, I am here to say that the best things I have done over the years have been a result of me wanting to copy...wanting to copy someone who exemplifies kindness or wisdom or faith or humility or determination....wanting to understand what it means to copy Jesus by 'walking in His steps,' as we read in Peter. My most memorable two experiences with determining to copy someone are these:

When I was 16 and was a very poor swimmer, my best friend Teri proposed, "hey Susan, let's take lifesaving classes together and then work as lifeguards this summer!" I was 'in,' and every night for several weeks, I dove into a cold swimming pool to swim 20 laps, choking and sputtering my way down each lane and back, as I saw Teri in the lane beside of me, ahead, swimming with grace and ease. Although my body felt like I was drowning, my mind kept repeating, 'if she can do it I can....if she can do it I can....if she can do it, I can.'
When I was 19 and a very new believer in college, I read Jim Elliott's Shadow of the Almighty and determined that I wanted a walk with the Lord characterized by that level of intimacy and abandon. Again, it was, 'if he can do it, I can.' Or more accurately, 'if God and Jim Elliot can live out this kind of intimacy, then it is within reach for God and me to have this kind of intimacy.'

Combining Fun and Meaning

One of the best principles I have copied as a parent is combining fun and meaning. Let me explain. In our American culture, we tend to separate our social and our spiritual activities. Yet years ago, I saw I could copy a better way. When Brian and I lived in Colombia, South America, I was delighted to see that the Colombian believers lacked these artificial separations. For example, we could share an evening laughing and playing games and telling jokes, and as the Colombian friends left our home, someone would say, 'let's thank the Lord.' This person would then grab a hand of someone standing close, we would all circle up, and spontaneous praise would just break forth....

"Senor y Padre, te alabamos porque siempre eres bueno.... Lord Jesus, we praise you that you are always good, that You are all-powerful and tender with us, that You are exalted above the heavens and You also let us know you with intimacy. Lord tonight we praise You for these friends and for laughter. As we leave we ask you protect us and remind us that wherever we are, we are Your vessels, intended to be lights in the darkness. Bless us as we go out from here. Amen."

Camp Loaf-a-lot and Camp Sweat-a-lot!

So, as a mom, one of the things I have most tried to practice is combining fun and meaning. Probably my favorite example of this is the mother-daughter and mother-son retreats I did for years, starting at age 10. Honestly, I started it only with the girls and after a couple of years the boys asked "hey mom, why don't you do those kind of retreats with us?" (Brian also started doing these with girls/boys). I would take the kids out of town to a cabin or mountain house or beach for a couple of days, having prayed about what topic we should focus on and having identified a number of fun things to do. Above is a picture of one of the years I took the girls to the beach for Camp-Loaf-a-Lot, at the same time Brian took the boys to the mountains to work at Camp-Sweat-a-Lot!

Typically on these retreats we would have lots of fun -- playing in the ocean, horseback riding, caving, hiking, to name just a few. And I would have a short bible study for Friday night, late Saturday afternoon, and Sunday after lunch before heading home. The topics I prepared were ones they would be facing as teens, and included things like, identity, friendship, dating, 7 questions to answer before buying the ring, being perfume (for girls), being a princess (for girls), being strong (for boys), having courage (for boys). To this day those retreats are some of our funnest memories.

Keep Having Fun With Me

I will close with one last story. Many of you know that we lost our son Jonny in a family bike ride on the day before his 10th birthday. I will always remember Cristi looking deep into my eyes and saying, with a pleading tone shortly after his death, "Mommy, will you promise me that you will keep having fun with me and Trevor?" (To which I replied something like this, "I am sure at some point I will be able to love having fun again, but it may take a while and we will have to be patient about this.") I felt surprized to realize that this is the aspect of our relationship she most seemed to fear losing, at that young tender age. And now, as I have been learning so much from the Lord about joy, I see that the fun memories we share with our children lay such a foundation of bonding for joy and blessing and connection....both with us and with the Lord. So as we are doing all these fun things with our kids, it becomes so natural to combine fun and meaning, and to say,

"Hey sweetie, you know how happy we feel right now having all this fun at the beach? Well, let me tell you, there is a deep joy we can have in our close relationships with the Lord, that makes our hearts keep this kind of joy inside of them, whether we are at the beach or even doing homework. No joke. I feel it often. In the Bible there is a man named Nehemiah who talked about this and he said in a verse in that book of the Old Testament, 'the joy of the Lord is our strength.' In fact, there is a song about it that we often sing - remember, 'the joy of the Lo-o-o-ord is my strength....' "

And right there we would sing it, and we would break out singing it as we had fun over those days of the retreat.

Today

So today, let's look for ways to combine fun and meaning with our kids, wherever we are in life. Maybe even by putting on coats and laying on the front yard tonight and picking out our favorite star, and by each of us, thanking God for what each of us likes about that star....and asking God to make us twinkle for His glory. (yes, we have done this - so just be a Copy-Cat!).

God bless you, dear friend. And for you, for me, for all of us and all of ours today, may the Joy of the Lord be Our Strength.