Hosks Friday Fun

LOVEJOY FACE PUNCH, baby called Hashtag and woman tried to kill man using her breasts

2012-11-30T06:32:00.000-08:00

http://cheezburger.com/6721941504

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8295570/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A mother has been criticised after naming her newborn baby daughter Hashtag. She announced the name, after the Twitter symbol, with a photo and post on Facebook, reports The Sun. It said: "Hashtag Jameson was born at 10oclock last night. She weys 8pounds and I luv her so much!!!!" Hashtags are words or phrases preceded by a # symbol, used on Twitter to identify a subject. But the name soon attracted its own Twitter hashtags, including #TerribleParenting, #FoolishParents, #YourParentsHateYou and #StupidestNameEver. One user wrote: "That child is going to need serious therapy." Another tweeted: "This is horrible and cruel." Last year Israelis Lior and Vardit Adler called their daughter Like, after the approval button on Facebook' - Orange.

always worth another read

http://www.wsc.co.uk/the-archive/42-Media/145-no-love-no-joy

No love, no joy

Watch someone punch lovejoy in the face, YEAH

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8245941/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An 11-year-old boy was punched and sprayed with 'silly string' by a gang of teenagers - who were trying to steal an owl. The bird had been taken by the boy and his friend to be displayed at an event just off Morecambe Promenade last Saturday. But it is thought that they were turned away by organisers because the bird had not been vaccinated. The pair were walking along Euston Road between 3pm and 4pm when they were approached by the gang of around 10 teenagers outside Pound Fever.

'One of the gang said "Give me your owl," and adopted a boxing pose. With an outstretched arm he then sprayed both boys with the silly string while shouting abuse. The shocked 11-year-old boy, who is from Morecambe, threw his drink at the teen before taking the owl from his friend. He was then twice punched to the side of the head as he and his friend fled in separate directions. The teenagers gave chase but both victims escaped, with the 11-year-old fleeing through the Arndale Centre while carrying the owl' - The Lancaster Guardian.

http://cheezburger.com/6692947968

http://www.lancasterguardian.co.uk/news/lancaster-and-district-news/silly-string-attack-on-boy-carrying-owl-1-5060515
Silly string attack on boy carrying owl

An 11-year-old boy was punched and sprayed with ‘silly string’ by a gang of teenagers – who were trying to steal an owl.

The bird had been taken by the boy and his friend to be displayed at an event just off Morecambe Promenade last Saturday.

But it is thought that they were turned away by organisers because the bird had not been vaccinated.

The pair were walking along Euston Road between 3pm and 4pm when they were approached by the gang of around 10 teenagers outside Pound Fever.

One of the gang said “Give me your owl,” and adopted a boxing pose.

With an outstretched arm he then sprayed both boys with the silly string while shouting abuse.

The shocked 11-year-old boy, who is from Morecambe, threw his drink at the teen before taking the owl from his friend. He was then twice punched to the side of the head as he and his friend fled in separate directions.

The teenagers gave chase but both victims escaped, with the 11-year-old fleeing through the Arndale Centre while carrying the owl.

PC Ben Hanley said: “This is a really odd incident.

“The boy was not seriously hurt but he was punched twice and has been left with swollen cheekbones on either side of his face which could leave him with black eyes. He quite shaken up.

“This is an unusual incident which has occurred in broad daylight in the middle of the afternoon so I would appeal to anybody that witnessed it or with any information about those responsible to come forward.”

Call Lancashire Police on 101 quoting crime reference BB1203964.

http://cheezburger.com/6707975424

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8249575/Mediawatch

Non-Football (Penis) Story Of The Day

'His "coconut sized" genitalia was just the beginning. A man was admitted to a Bangkok hospital after an unlicensed olive oil injection meant to enlarge his penis caused an infection so horrible his testicles swelled to the size of the medium size fruit, the Bangkok Post reports. Six months ago, the 50 -year-old man, who is unnamed in reports, reportedly suffered a cut to his penis, but he refused to go the doctor until it became infected. When he finally went to the hospital, doctors discovered the man had cancer that required his penis to be amputated, the Post reported' - Huffington Post.

http://cheezburger.com/6766787584

Killer Karaoke

http://allthingsd.com/20121123/viral-video-signs-the-world-might-be-ending-part-1-killer-karaoke

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8273786/Mediawatch

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A busty woman is accused of trying to kill her boyfriend by suffocating him with her double-D breasts. Franziska Hansen, 33, is reportedly charged with "attempted murder with a weapon" after her lawyer boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him while pretending it was a sex game. Nine-stone Franziska, from Germany, denies the allegations, saying it was a sex game and he knew what it was about, according to the Daily Mail. But boyfriend Tim Schmidt claims she admitted trying to kill him on the phone, saying she smothered him because she "wanted to make your death as pleasurable as possible".

'He told a court in Germany that the couple had been having sex in May this year when Ms Hansen suddenly grabbed his head and pushed it between her breasts with all her force. He is quoted as saying: "I couldn't breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn't tear myself free and I thought I was going to die." Mr Schmidt, who weighs 13 stone, claims he managed to wriggle free and fled naked to a neighbour, who raised the alarm. He told the court that the couple's four-year relationship had been strained after they moved to the town of Unna, where his career as a lawyer took off and she struggled to hold a job. Mr Schmidt said his girlfriend tried to kill him after she discovered he was planning to leave her. He reportedly told the court: "It is clear she wanted to kill me. She even admitted it to me on the telephone. I asked her why she wanted to smother me to death with her breasts and she told me: 'Treasure - I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible'" - The Daily Mirror.

Non-Football Caption Of The Day
The Mirror illustrated said story on their website with a picture of a quite vast cleavage, which they captioned:

'Suffocating: Franziska Hansen (not pictured) is accused of attempting to kill her boyfriend with her breasts.'

http://cheezburger.com/6792309504

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8285444/Mediawatch

Non-Football Headline Of The Day

'Woman arrested after 'joyriding manatee in Florida' - Metro.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Sales of garlic are booming in western Serbia after the local council issued a public health warning that a vampire was on the loose. The warning came after an old ruined mill, said to once have been the home of notorious vampire Sava Savanovic, collapsed. Savanovic was said to have lived in the old watermill on the Rogacica river, at Zarozje village in the municipality of Bajina Basta where he drank the blood of anybody that came to mill their grain. The watermill was bought by the local Jagodic family, and they were too scared to use it as a mill - but discovered it was a goldmine when they started advertising it to tourists. But the family were worried about carrying out building work on the mill because they were scared they might disturb the vampire or unleash his wrath if his home was messed around with - and now the property has collapsed through lack of repair. But for locals it has sparked rumours that the vampire is now free once again' - Orange.

http://allaboutlemon.com/2012/03/19/two-clever-nuns-this-is-brilliant-just-another-manic-monday/
There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past 38 ½ minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It’s logical. He wants to violate us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

A little while later...

SM: It’s not working.

SL: Of course it’s not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I’ll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened toSister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn’t follow us both, so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM : Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL : The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM : Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL : Isn’t it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty…………………

Say two Hail Marys! hehehehe

having drinks with the attractive sex, goal keeping toilet, hedgehog's dance with death

2012-11-23T13:51:00.000-08:00

http://gizmodo.com/5958854/how-a-reddit-rage-comic-saved-a-mans-life

PREGNANCY TEST ALERTED TESTY CANCER!!!!

breaking news from the BBC

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-20151566

Hedgehog trapped in crisp packet in Weston-super-Mare

The hedgehog will now be looked after by the centre

A baby hedgehog which found itself stuck in a crisp packet has been released after a three-and-a-half hour rescue involving six people.

The animal became trapped after it crawled into the empty wrapper in a railed off area near steps in Weston-super-Mare.

A shopkeeper heard rustling and saw the hedgehog - now named Crispin - stick his nose out.

Workers had to cut through the railings and help rescuers reach the hedgehog.

Jules Bishop, from Prickles Hedgehog Rescue, said Crispin crawled into the area as he was attracted to the warmth of the packet and the smell.

"He's thriving now and will be here all winter as he's so tiny," she said.

"I want to thank all the people involved because obviously without their commitment and dedication this little hog would have had no way to survive.

"He was very, very cold and dehydrated when I emptied him out of the crisp packet."

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8217071/Mediawatch

Non-Football Vagina Tombstone Story Of The Day
'A Serbian widower is making news after having his late wife's vagina engraved on her headstone. Milan Marinkovic says it was his wife's dying wish that he never look at the private areas of another woman, according to the Examiner. Before she passed away, Milena Marinkovic left detailed instructions on how she wanted her final wishes to be carried out. She explicitly described to her husband that she wanted him give photographs she had taken of her vagina to a hired sculptor so that an exact replica can be on her headstone, according to TheFrisky. "The problem wasn''t finding the money, but finding an artist who would do it. Most of them said it was blasphemy. Now it's finished I love it and it's a really good likeness. And this way, a part of her will always be with me,"" said the 72-year-old widower' - KTLA.com. It was from last week, but it's still funny.

New Ipswich boss, likes one in the hole

Amusing, a site where ladies post texts they have received from blokes and wondering if womankind can help them to conclude if he likes her, isn't into her or it's still up for grabs.

http://hetexted.com/

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8204705/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'The difference between life and death for Brittany Taltos was a soft patch of dirt. Taltos, a 23-year-old UF alumna featured on "Jersey Shore," was sunbathing in her front yard Sunday afternoon when her friend reversed his pickup truck into the yard and partially ran over her head. Taltos said she was asleep in front of her house, located on the 300 block of Northwest 14th Street, before the truck backed into her.

"I woke up with half a tire in my face," she said. The tire trapped Taltos by her hair, pinning her to the ground, while the pressure on her head caused her ears to bleed. "I thought I was going to die," she said. When Taltos screamed for help, the driver moved his truck forward and helped her with the bleeding. Taltos' roommate, Diego Cabrera, 21, called 911. An ambulance rushed Taltos, who was still conscious, to Shands at UF for treatment, according to a Gainesville Fire Rescue news release. At the hospital, doctors used an X-ray to scan her head and found no signs of brain or skull damage. "They told me 'You basically dodged a bullet,'" she said' - Alligator.org.

B3tatastic videos

watch the original speed here http://youtu.be/gnagemulucw

007 challenge

Classic Rock done Classicly

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8231607/Mediawatch
Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Disabled grandmother attacked by ferret - 'predator' bit while she rode scooter' - The Nottingham Post.

Sly TV Executives Of The Day
'Countdown host Rachel Riley has had a dressing down over her wardrobe, insiders say. Channel 4 bosses are said to have told the maths wizard she must clear all her outfits in advance with them. They have demanded she send them pictures of anything she plans to wear' - The Daily Record. Oh Channel 4 bosses, you cheeky old horn-dogs.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A US mum was fined $2,500 after her three-year-old son urinated outside - in his own front yard. A police officer saw Dillan Warden pull down his pants and issued the ticket, which will cost the family the equivalent of £1,560. Ashley Warden, the little boy's mother, said he was being potty trained but answered the call of nature outside as he wasn't near a toilet. Mrs Warden, of Piedmont, Oklahoma, said: "Dillan pulled down his pants to pee outside... and the cop pulled up and asked for my license and told me he was going to give me a ticket for public urination."

'Grandmother Jennifer Warden added: "I said: 'Really? He is three years old', and he said: 'It doesn't matter. It is public urination.' I said: 'We are on our property', and he said: 'It's in public view'." The family, which lives on two-and-a-half acres of land, have complained that the officer which issued the ticket parks at the end of their street daily. They hope a judge will throw out the case when it comes before a court next month' - Orange.
https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBXEnH2UQ2GeRI45mMQxN9LQv_UHT1PaNeByuKTt8kfVDvzIkM6u7Yj_JW9cMcyTSiKtHsXg7q-rF4zrXMPzxYYBNhAMk-88ZHhGFQBO6RznSkhF_fg46GcuQqidYaEvHD-deA8d18dSiD/s1600/lloyd.jpg

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzF7feb2Ua5P-b-J3UYts6rWc3UhTz9IDyt4ZbNJaP5fdPSwE17sVrzwFqXCLbbcyVqScbJUeG5qAx2wxw6byd_MWzWPbkTrlvXZ06MIyPbrYoC-xxMkt21OSaFlSYxV2K_4wFknIkPMhi/s1600/balding.jpg

http://cheezburger.com/6687205120

GET BACK TO YOUR ROOTS

http://cheezburger.com/6724993536

Japan invents goalkeeping toilet

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Japan_invents_goalkeeping_toilet

Two Japanese firms have teamed up to create a toilet that doubles up as a goalkeeper.

The Super Great Toiler Keeper showed off its prowess by saving penalties from Japanese star striker Tatsuhiko 'Dragon' Kubo.

It uses motion-detecting cameras to calculate the flight of the ball, pivot on its axis, and fire a small ball from the bowl to parry the incoming soccer ball.

The bizarre invention is the unlikely result of two Japanese companies with similar names and vastly different products, joining forces.

Toilet maker Toto and sports lottery agent Toto pitched their collaboration as an environmentally friendly project.

Six Tips for Avoiding an Office Affair

http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20121029153750-6526187-six-tips-for-avoiding-an-office-affair

Why do you need six tips, surely you need only one tip

1. Don't shag anyone at work

And who the hell this person who goes around giving tips on how not to have affairs at work. What a useless waste of time.

I think this person would easily avoid affairs at work because she sounds like a huge fun sponge

lets listen to her tips

1. Never take a first step in flirtation, even in jest.

2. Never have more than one drink with people from work.

3. Never allow yourself to have a “special friend” of the attractive sex(sometimes called a “work spouse”) to whom you turn for particular support.

4. Unless it’s an unmistakably professional context, don’t meet alone with a colleague or client of the attractive sex. When a client calls with tickets for the baseball game, don’t go in a twosome.

Here are two additional tips:

5. Imagine your spouse/partner as audience – cc’d on the email, walking suddenly into the conference room. If you’d feel uncomfortable in that situation, you’ve crossed some line.

6. If you develop a close relationship with someone, get to know his or her family.

People sometimes assume that it’s straightforward to decide, “I'd never have an affair” – that it’s just a matter of good character and solid values. But temptation can sometimes arise over a very long period of time, and not look the way we expect. Gradually, slowly, a relationship’s nature changes. Or sometimes a very stressful or intense moment creates a sudden energy which, in the right environment, can lead to an affair.

GHOST TITS

http://cheezburger.com/6639833856

Celebrity sperm, Hawkeye Helpdesk and see what happens if you type in "how can u" into Google

2012-10-26T06:53:00.000-07:00

The advice all men need. Keep on Truckin fella's
http://cheezburger.com/6698661120

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8166301/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A Danish website is running a competition to find the man with the country's smallest penis, with an iPhone the prize for the winner. SingleSex.dk is encouraging men to send in photos of their private parts - in 'rigid mode' and alongside a tape measure, of course. The rules are simple and the man with the shortest measurement will win the Apple smartphone. Organisers are also asking the site's female members to vote on the entries and the most popular will pick up a prize. Morten Fabricus, the website's owner, said the contest was designed to be fun and also to dispel some size-related myths.

'The smallest is the extreme. It's a competition which is weird and funny and almost too much,' he told AFP. 'It's a competition which is at the core of manhood, the most important thing for a man. There are so many unhappy men out there, who think you have to have a giant penis, but it's not normal to have a huge one.' Men can post their photos anonymously to avoid any kind of humiliation and, perhaps surprisingly, there have already been some entries. 'So far we have received six to seven images which are posted, but we have more trickling in,' Mr Fabricus said. The erotic website regularly runs such competitions and has previously handed out prizes for Denmark's most beautiful penis and most welcoming labia' - Metro. Not that this will interest any of you. We're sure all our male readers are very generously hung.
http://cheezburger.com/6688968704

http://cheezburger.com/6696379904

Runner-Up
'A man in southern Germany has been reunited with his car two years after forgetting where he parked, Bavarian police said on Thursday. After a night of drinking in December 2010 and an unsuccessful search the next day, the vehicle's owner reported his car as missing to the Munich police. Authorities discovered it by chance last month after a traffic warden noticed that its inspection stickers had expired - 4 kilometres from the spot where the now 33-year-old craftsman originally thought he had parked. "The weird thing is that it turned up so far away, although the owner was pretty sure of where he had left it," said police spokesman Alexander Lorenz. In the trunk were 40,000 euros worth of tools including power drills and electric screwdrivers, Lorenz said' - Reuters.

http://cheezburger.com/6594026496

http://thedoghousediaries.com/4630

http://cheezburger.com/6642975232

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8172615/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A controversial website is to offer "celebrity sperm" for £15,000 to fame-obsessed women desperate for a star child. The Fame Daddy site, which promises "top quality celebrity surrogate fathers" including footballers, actors and rock stars, is to launch next year. It claims it will have 40 different donors for women to choose from, including a former professional footballer, an actor, a genius, a rock star and an aristocrat. Donors will remain anonymous - but would-be mums will be able to identify their area of achievement and other personal attributes. Fees start at £15k but the website claims the investment will provide them with "a proven winner" who will get "a head start in life".

'Fame Daddy boss Dan Richards admitted that the clinic has no real sperm samples "as of yet". However he said that the site's register of possible donors already includes a retired ATP tennis pro, retired English cricketers and a multi-platinum recording artists. Mr Richards said: "Our vision is to help women give their children the very best chance in life. "To be able to harvest potential from the global gene pool, rather than from the more limited selection of the men she comes into direct contact with, is a major evolutionary leap for women. Whether it is talent on the stage or pitch, having a world-beating voice, or just being very beautiful, Fame Daddy will have the perfect celebrity surrogate daddy" - Orange.

http://cheezburger.com/6653183232

Filthy Computer pits

http://cheezburger.com/6675431168

http://cheezburger.com/6683318272

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8187093/Mediawatch

Non-Football Story Of The Day

'Terri Graham, a mother of two, couldn't breastfeed her children. But, she's now fulfilling her maternal desire in an unorthodox way -- by breastfeeding her 9-year-old daughter's dog, a pug named Spider. In an interview published in the Oct. 20 U.K. edition of Closer magazine, Graham, 44, said that she knows some people might consider her a "freak," but insisted that her breastfeeding nourishes the dog, and makes her feel like a better mom.

"Having Spider suckle on my boob means I finally feel complete and a better mother," Graham told Closer. Graham, who is from California, claimed that the dog developed a taste for breast milk in 2010 after licking the nipple of a bottle she had pumped for her then-newborn son. She says she has breastfed the dog for about 2 years' - Huffington Post.

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8196147/Mediawatch
Bitch Of The Day
"We are not involved in a conflict between two star players. I am among the best players in the world and Song is not even among the best players in Cameroon" - Samuel Eto'o zings Alex Song.

'Possibly Misinterpreted/Wilfully Taken Out Of Context By Us' Quote Of The Day
"He is very curious" - Roberto Martinez on Sam Allardyce. 'About things' or just 'curious'. Your call.

Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Silly string attack on boy carrying owl' - The Visitor.co.uk.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A gang of Sweeney Todd cannibals murdered up to nine victims and baked some of them into pies, a court heard yesterday. Jorge Silveira, 50, wife Isobel, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25, lured young women to their house to work as nannies. Police say they used their victims' flesh for pastries they ate themselves or sold to neighbours. The five-year-old daughter of one murdered girl was made to eat human flesh as part of a "purification ritual", cops claim. Officers found the remains of Giselly da Silva, 31, and Alexandra Falcao, 20, buried in the garden' - The Daily Mirror.
http://cheezburger.com/6684124160

http://cheezburger.com/6687085568

Weasel words

2012-10-05T07:03:00.000-07:00

FOLLOW ME

Now follow me everyone, I shall take you down to a place of mystery and amazing information about.......CARROTS

yes come with me to magical work of the carrot muesum

http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/history.html

Summarised Timeline of Cultivated Carrot (documentary evidence)
Time Period	Location	Colour
Pre-900s	Afghanistan and vicinity	Purple and yellow
900s	Iran and northern Arabia	Purple, Red and yellow
1000s	Syria and North Africa	Purple, Red and yellow
1100s	Spain	Purple and yellow
1200s	Italy and China	Purple and red
1300s	France, Germany, The Netherlands	Red, Yellow & White
1400s	England	Red & white
1500's	Northern Europe	Orange, Yellow & Red
1600s	Japan	Purple and yellow
1600s	North America	Orange and white
1700s	Japan	Orange and Red
Sources - Rubatzsky and Banga. Also Carrot Museum's Curator research material Reference material is here.Notes: Red was often confused with purple. Orange carrots may have been around well before 1100 - see here. The above listing is a "best guess" as there is much conflicting evidence. Carrots were also probably White throughout these periods, often confused with Parsnips (also white). There was (and still is!) enormous confusion when trying to sort out the individual histories of carrots and parsnips. The Latin name for the parsnip genus is thought to come from, meaning "food". This would further explain the historical confusion of the two vegetables, as well as offer a testament to how important they both were in the ancient diet.

http://cheezburger.com/6631979520

The English Language In 24 Accents

This bloke does lots of accents, which are ok(ish) but what is quite amusing is his fake conversations seem to always involve fighting, argueing and insulting people, not to mention swearing his head off.

skip forward 40 seconds to get past him waffling on at the start

http://cheezburger.com/6592182528

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ging_Gang_Goolie

Ging Gang Goolie

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Ging Gang Goolie or Ging Gang Gooli is a gibberish scouting song, said to be

written by Robert Baden-Powell during the 1st World Scout Jamboree.^[1]^[2]

It is popular among the Boy Scouts and Girl Guides.

Origin

During the Second Boer War, Baden Powell listened to songs in African languages. The nonsense lyrics of "Ging Gang Goolie" might have been inspired by these songs.^[3] Baden-Powell is said to have written this song during the 1st World Scout Jamboree in 1920. The song used gibberish to ensure that children from different countries could sing the song irrespective of what their mother tongue is. The tune is based on an extract from Mozart's Symphony No.1, composed when he was eight years old.^{[citation needed]}

Dorothy Unterschutz, a Canadian Scout Leader from Edmonton, later invented a story as an explanation for the song's lyrics. The story "The Great Grey Ghost Elephant" was published in Scouts Canada's "The Leader" magazine in 1991 (June–July issue, Page 7).^[2] The story talks of a "Great Grey Ghost Elephant", who wanders in the African lands ever year, after the rains. The villagers believed that if it went round their village, the village would have a prosperous year, and if it went through it, there would be drought. The elephant had been going through the village of Wat-Cha for the past three years, and therefore the villagers decided to come up with a plan to deter it from entering their village. It was decided that the village leader Ging-Gang and his men would frighten the elephant by standing in its path and shaking their shields and spears. The medicine man Shayla and his men would cast magic spells, and frighten the elephant by producing the "Shally wally" sound by shaking their magical equipment. When the elephant arrived, the villagers gathered started shouting the names of their leaders. They were successful in their plan, and the elephant went around the village, making he sound "Oompah, oompah". The villagers celebrated by singing the song "Ging Gang…".^[2]

Lyrics

The lyrics of the song are as follows:^[1]^[3]

Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah.

Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha,

Ging gang goo, ging gang goo.

Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha,

Ging gang goo, ging gang goo.

Hayla, oh hayla shayla, oh hayla shayla, shayla, oh-ho,

Hayla, oh hayla shayla, oh hayla shayla, shayla, oh.

Shally wally, shally wally, shally wally, shally wally

Oompah, oompah, oompah, oompah

http://cheezburger.com/6613449472

LOCAL NEWS

Saucepan fire in Timperley

http://www.messengernewspapers.co.uk/news/whereyoulive/timperleynews/9960209.Saucepan_fire_in_Timperley/?ref=mr

10:11am Tuesday 2nd October 2012 in Timperley News

TWO fire crews attended a flat in Timperley after a saucepan caught fire yesterday.

When the crews from Altrincham and Wythenshawe arrived at the Deansgate Lane flat around 12.10pm the fire had already been put out by the owner.

The damage was limited to the food in the saucepan, which had been left unattended on an electric hob.

Stricley com

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8115860/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Banning mankinis and fake penises from the Cornish coast has helped significantly reduce anti-social behaviour and crime, police have announced. The force's zero-tolerance approach to the buttock-baring garment, prosthetic genitalia and other "inappropriate clothing" has apparently helped Cornwall shed its reputation as a haven for drunken revellers and stag parties. Police have seized the thong-like bathing costumes popularised by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen's spoof documentary character Borat, or sent offenders home when they've had nothing to change into.

'Devon and Cornwall Police Superintendent Julie Whitmarsh said: "We have had this consistency of seizing inappropriate items of clothing, sending people home to get changed, and that has worked, it has made a real difference, this 'no-nonsense attitude'. Mankini is what we term 'offensive clothing', so we won't accept people wearing them. They are just hideous. Is it just me, but if you were living in Bath for example, or Bournemouth, is that something you would wear to walk into town on a Saturday afternoon? No. They are just revolting, there is nothing pleasant about seeing anybody in a mankini. We have had a real crackdown on the fake penises"' - Huffington Post.

WOW - CHECK OUT THE ROOMS IN THIS HOUSE, THEY ARE PROBABLY MOVING TO A BIGGER HOUSE TO PUT MORE STUFF IN

http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-23787150.html

Star wars tinkling on the piano

ANIMATED DISCUSSION OF AMERICAN BANKING CRISES
http://www.businessinsider.com/bernanke-vs-woodford-in-gif-form-2012-9?op=1

It won't make it any clearer but it will make you laugh

WEASEL WORDS
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Avoid_weasel_words#Unsupported_attributions

Unsupported attributions

Shortcut: WP:WEASEL

... some people say, many scholars state, it is believed, many are of the opinion, most feel, experts declare, it is often reported, it is widely thought, research has shown, science says ...

"Weasel words" are statements which appear to assert something but subtly imply something different, opposite or stronger in the way they are made. A common form of weasel wording is through vague attribution, where a statement is dressed with authority with no substantial basis. Phrases such as those above present the appearance of support for statements but can deny the reader the opportunity to assess the source of the viewpoint. They may disguise a biased view. Claims about what people say, think, feel, or believe, and what has been shown, demonstrated, or proved should be clearly attributed.^[5] However, views which are properly attributed to a reliable source may use similar expressions if they accurately represent the opinions of the source. Reliable sources may analyze and interpret, but we, as editors, cannot do so ourselves, since that would be original research or would violate the neutral point of view. Equally, editorial irony and damning with faint praise have no place in Wikipedia articles.

The examples given above are not automatically weasel words, as they may also be used in the lead section of an article or in a topic sentence of a paragraph, where the article body or the rest of the paragraph supplies attribution.

Articles including weasel words should ideally be rewritten such that they are supported by reliable sources, or they may be tagged with the {{Weasel}} template so to identify the problem to future readers (who may elect to fix the issue).

BAD CHILDRENS BOOKS

http://www.bobstaake.com/badchildrensbooks/

The Sexiest, Coolest, Most EPIC Bus Commercial Ever#

TIGER WOODS kryptonite is onion

this is a clip from the live commentry

The scoreboard is awash with European blue and I think someone must have brought a few cloves of garlic onto the course because Tiger Woods is a tad off colour to put it mildly. The former world number one - who is allergic to the pungent onion and missed two tournaments in 2003 when his ex-wife Elin Nordegren made pasta containing garlic - has lost seven Ryder Cup foursomes so far and if he continues with such wayward driving he might be heading for an eighth loss.

http://cheezburger.com/6598480640

Guitarist plants face into his Marshall

http://www.popbitch.com/home/2012/09/27/collins-radcliffe-collins/

Bat Out Of Hell still sells about 200,000
copies a year.

>> Made up <<
Points make prizes

Alec Guinness famously negotiated that
he'd get 2% of Star Wars' profits.
It would have been clever of anyone
starring in the Inbetweeners movie
to have taken a leaf out of Obi-Wan's
book as, although shot with a tiny budget,
it had a huge gross. Sadly none of the
actors insisted on points. But the
woman who did make-up did. Nice work!

------------------------------------------------
Louis Walsh insisted that he not get stuck
with the 'codgers' this year.
------------------------------------------------

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's the difference between
Stevie Wonder and Jeremy Forrest?
A: Jeremy Forrest only has one
fucked pupil.

A website dedicated to phil collins and erotica, I wonder what I would call such a place

http://www.philrotica.com/

philrotica

sexy tales of the former genesis drummer

Chapter 1

Posted on September 18, 2012 by philrotica

Alison sighed and pushed a strand of her chestnut hair behind her shell-like ear. The summer job she had taken in Europe was far from being the glamorous, champagne-soaked three months of decadence she had imagined.

Following an administrative error at the job agency, her application to work as an au pair in Paris had been lost, and she had been placed as a maid in a huge, draughty mansion overlooking Lake Geneva. The owner of the place was nowhere to be seen. And now she stood, in a cobweb-strewn basement, contemplating the 30 fax machines she’d been instructed to dust.

” I did not sign up for this,” she said out loud, in her fluty Georgia twang.

However, glancing in the full-length mirror that hung on the wall, she could not help but notice how flatteringly the skimpy French maid outfit clung to her. It accentuated her pretty, pert bust and ripe, curvaceous buttocks, showing enough skin to hold the gaze.

Girding her feather duster, she leaned forward and smoothed a layer of dust off the nearest fax. It looked like it hadn’t been touched since 1986. As she smoothed the machine’s glossy surface a second time, it sprang into life. A set of LED lights began winking furiously, and the paper tray jabbered and hissed, spurting ancient sheets of A4 onto the floor.

“Shit! Shit!” she hissed, scrabbling to stem the urgent, white flow of paper.

‘Perhaps I can help?’ came a voice from behind her. A strong, masculine hand, with hairy knuckles and the telltale callouses of a drummer, reached past her and flicked a switch with practiced ease. Instantly, the machine was silenced.

‘Oh thank you! I was -’ Alison trailed off as her eyes met those of her rescuer. She gasped and blinked. But there was no mistaking him. From his steely yet kindly eyes, to the pair of box fresh Converse on his feet: from the shiny bald head to the rough, soulful London accent. She was standing before the former Genesis drummer, and successful solo star, Phil Collins. All five foot three of him.

And he looked good.

‘This was the very fax I used to divorce my wife back in 1986,’ said Phil Collins with a chuckle, running a finger lovingly over the grey plastic. ‘Temperamental old beast. But then, so was she.’

Alison was still mute with disbelief. How? how could this be happening? How could she be standing before the man who had provided her with so much? Not just a soundtrack to her formative years, but also a fantasy figure, to whose image she’d first awakened her latent, girlish sexuality? It had, she thought, to be fate.

‘You must be Alison,’ continued the former Genesis sticksman, a hint of amusement in his eyes. ‘they didn’t tell me you were a looker.’

‘I – I – ‘ – Alison was still speechless, and could only dumbly shake the hand that was offered to her.

Something told her this was going to be quite a summer, after all.

http://cheezburger.com/6581706240

CRAZY PING PONG

FOOTBALL 365 - MEDIAWATCH MAGIC
Non-Football Story Of The Day
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8129900/Mediawatch
'British men typically have bigger penises than their French counterparts but are less well endowed than Germans, a new study has suggested. The average penis size for a British man is apparently 5.5in when erect - larger than the French at 5.3in, Australians (5.2in), Americans (5.1in) and Irish (5in). Men from Africa's Republic of Congo are best equipped with an average penis length of 7.1in, while the average manhood in North and South Korea measures in at a mere 3.8in, the research claims. However doubts about the study by Dr Richard Lynn, emeritus professor of psychology at Ulster University, have been raised after some of the data was taken from websites.' - Huffington Post.

http://cheezburger.com/6610280448

Mind-reading wearable kitty tail wags when you’re happy

http://io9.com/5945649/mind+reading-wearable-kitty-tail-wags-when-youre-happy

Lauren Davis

Neuro Wear's Necomini ears, which read your brainwaves and display your emotions, ruled San Diego Comic-Con this year, with huge crowds of people donning the $100 gizmos. Now the company is moving from heads to tails, with a matching kitten tail that knows when to wag.

Once Neuro Wear brought its ears on to the market, it was only a matter of time before it developed a tail. However, the tail also introduces a social media component. If it's not enough that you can broadcast your location at all points in time to your myriad social media outlets, you can also broadcast your mood, as recorded by the tail, dubbed "Shippo."

Personally, I'm not up for an accessory that invites folks to stare at my bum, but the promo video is actually rather cute, and I could see why someone might want to add a wagging tail to their wardrobe.

Shippo is just a prototype at this point, and not for sale on the Neuro Wear website just yet.

A GREAT EXAMPLE OF LAZY, STUPID JOURNALISM, LIKE THIS BLOG BUT WORSE

Lucy Mangan: the honeymoon is outdated and over-rated

My sister is in Canada for three weeks on honeymoon. It started off well enough. Her first email said, "We're here! Have been upgraded to penthouse suite with private concierge and champagne every day! GEORGE CLOONEY stayed here last year!"

"Lick everything," I advised. "By the way, have you opened Auntie Eileen's present yet?" (Eileen's presents are legendary. She once gave our mother a used lipstick for Christmas. Seeing my mother's questioning look, she explained, "I think it's for thinner lips than mine." And still Estée Lauder's marketing department hasn't called.)

"Yes," my sister wrote back. "It is three gross of Uncle Al's underpants for dusters. Gross being the operative word. Don't care – off to stay in a log cabin by Emerald Lake now! Whoop!"

"That's nice," I replied. "I got up this morning delighted because I'd remembered where I put the Ikea sock-chandelier thing for the washing line, opened the cupboard and found nothing there. I'd dreamed it. I'm off to open a vein."

It was at the log cabin in Banff that things took a turn for the worse. There was no television. "What are we supposed to do??!" she wailed.

"I think you're supposed to have sex," I said. "Though possibly not with three gross of Uncle Al's underpants staring at you."

"We didn't bring them with us, you tit. And we had sex in Vancouver. I don't want to do it again. I want to watch television."

"Can't you use your iPad? For television, I mean. Though if there's an app for sex, please let me know."

A few days later I got a text message from Toronto. "3 wks is long time. Ready 2 come home now. Or kill & bury husband in Jasper National Park."

It occurred to me then that the honeymoon is yet another aspect ofmarriage that has outlived its usefulness. It was, of course, a semi-sacred time in which newlyweds who had barely touched during courtship could at last explore the secret splendours of each others' flesh, thrilling with excitement at every new and intimate discovery, and laying the foundations for a lifetime of daily companionship and nightly exploration upon the infinite seas of the erotic. (Although since I watched a BBC documentary about marriage in ye olden days, I always have ringing at the back of my mind the imperious tones of one redoubtable 96-year-old who, remembering her own wedding night, exclaimed, "I didn't know they dug that frightful thing into one! Appalling!" She should have had her own series.)

Still, whatever magic there was tends to have been dissipated in the months and years of cohabitation that customarily precede The Big Day (and Night). We need a different kind of honeymoon – two or three weeks of enforced separation, so you can see if you miss your new spouse or find yourself running naked through a new city shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!" and work out from there whether you want to reunite at home or at the annulment desk in the leisure centre, or wherever it's located these days.

My sister's into the final holiday strait now and all seems well again, so I think they'll both come home.

Our nonagenarian heroine, by the way, got divorced and remarried. "Much better! I began to see what all the fuss was about." Attagirl.

FILTHY PIGS

who can be bothered to eat five plates! on a monthly basis!

I do like the fact it really annoyed the owner, who groaned when they entered the restaurant.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-19817457

Brighton all-you-can eat restaurant bans two 'greedy' diners

Mr Dalmon says he was called "disgusting" for eating five bowls of stir-fry food

Two men barred from an all-you-can-eat Mongolian restaurant in Brighton say it was because they ate too much food.

George Dalmon and Andy Miles, both 26, have visited Gobi, in Middle Street, twice a month for two years to take advantage of the £12 deal.

But when they each ate five bowls from the buffet at their last visit, Mr Dalmon said they were called "filthy pigs" and barred by the "rude" manager.

The restaurant's owners said they were fed up with their lack of manners.

They accused the pair of pushing out other diners in their rush to get to the food.

'Sharks before feeding'

But former rugby player Mr Dalmon said: "As we were eating the last bowl, the owner came up and said never to come back again, we're disgusting, and we're eating him out of business, so we're nothing but filthy pigs.

"So, I was quite shocked about this and I asked him if he was joking and he replied 'no, I'm definitely not, I've had it with you two, that's it'.

Mr Westgate says there is no need to rush as people can eat for £12 over five-and-a-half hours

"Obviously we've paid the £12 for the buffet and it says you can have as much as you like, but apparently five bowls was over the top as far as he was concerned."

The owner who barred them is currently on holiday, but has admitted calling them pigs.

Co-owner Peter Westgate said: "Like when the shark shuts its eyes before it feeds, they're like that. They just get to the buffet and whatever happens they just pile it in.

"They muck the buffet up for everyone, they push and shuffle people from the barbecue area and it's pretty sad really, because you can eat all you like over five-and-a-half hours - it's not an issue, you don't need to rush."

Gobi's website invites customers to select meats, seafood and vegetables from the buffet, add herbs and spices, then take it to the grill to be cooked - repeating the process "as many times as you wish".

http://cheezburger.com/6610282752

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-west-wales-19906942

Toddler served whisky at Frankie and Benny's restaurant

Sonny Rees drinking the whisky at the restaurant

A restaurant has apologised after a toddler was served whisky instead of fruit juice at his birthday party.

Sonny Rees drank the 40% proof whisky at his second birthday in a Frankie and Benny's restaurant in Swansea.

His mother Nina Rees only realised the mistake after he had nearly finished the drink.

Sonny, from Pontarddulais in Swansea, was taken to accident and emergency where he was kept under observation by doctors.

The toddler is now recovering at home. The restaurant is investigating how the incident happened.

Sonny's mother Nina took the toddler to A&E

Sonny's mother Nina Rees, 34, said: "We went to the restaurant just after midday and I had ordered him lime juice and water, his favourite.

"The drinks arrived and I was encouraging him to take sips because he was eating salty things.

"We had finished our first course when we noticed he was pulling a face as he was drinking.

"I took it from him and took a sip myself.

"It was whisky, I would say a double. As soon as I sipped it I had the slight burny feeling in my throat and warming in my chest.

"Sonny had taken about 10 sips - he was obviously intoxicated.

"I immediately went into a panic and a rage - I was crying my eyes out."

Mrs Rees, who is a teacher, complained to the manager who took a sip herself.

Mrs Rees was disappointed by the staff's reaction and called NHS Direct before taking Sonny to accident and emergency.

Frankie and Benny's restaurant in Swansea

Sonny was asleep by the time he arrived at Morriston Hospital, Swansea, where staff monitored his vital signs.

He was later given the all-clear and allowed to go home.

The family took photographs of Sonny with his drink before they realised it was whisky.

A Frankie and Benny's spokesman said: "The company is incredibly sorry for what happened. It was a human error and we are putting measures in place to ensure it never happens again."

http://cheezburger.com/6628143360

http://cheezburger.com/6613453312

http://www.wftv.com/news/news/local/deputies-mom-arrested-after-2-year-old-found-crawl/nSZbs/

Mom arrested after 2-year-old found crawling on roof

VOLUSIA COUNTY, Fla. —

The Department of Children and Families said it's investigating a Volusia Countymother whose 2-year-old daughter was found crawling on the roofof a home.

Erica Hess posted bail and was released from jail Thursday morning. She was arrested on child neglect charges.

Investigators said she was inside a home on Van Kleeck Drive in New Smyrna Beach Tuesday when her toddler climbed from a deck onto the roof.

A concerned neighbor called 911.

Authorities have not released information on who is taking care of the child.

SHOCK - Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Alcohol Poisoning

2012-09-28T06:38:00.002-07:00

Hosks friday fun has all the answers to questions you never thought of

DAVE CAN READ YOUR MIND

I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE INTERNET WAS CALLED DAVE

Butt Chugging Leads To Severe Alcohol Poisoning Of University Of Tennessee Student

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/25/butt-chugging-wine-alcohol-enema-university-of-tennessee-pi-kappa-alpha_n_1913575.html

A dangerous drinking practice known as "butt chugging" sent a University of Tennessee student to the hospital with severe alcohol poisoning this weekend.

Early Saturday, 20-year-old Alexander P. Broughton of Pi Kappa Alpha was brought to the emergency room and showed a blood-alcohol level thought to be “well over” .4, according to the Knoxville News Sentinel. They believe he ingested the alcohol by butt chugging. Broughton appeared to be “extremely intoxicated and showed signs of physical and possible sexual assault,” a report obtained by the Knoxville News Sentinelstates.

Butt chugging was formally known as an alcohol enema. An individual basically "drinks" the fluid into his or her rectum with a tube or hose. The alcohol's effects come quickly and potently.

In the house, officers found several young males passed out in their bedrooms with “bags from wine boxes, some empty and some partially empty, strewn across the halls and rooms."

Columbia Health's Go Ask Alice! forum addressed the issue of butt chugging back in 2006.

"Because the primary job of the intestines is to absorb nutrients into the body, if you put alcohol directly into your colon, it will be absorbed much more rapidly than it would be if it entered your body orally," Columbia Health's "Alice" said to an inquiring student. "It can make you very drunk, very quickly. Because everyone's body is different, it's hard to judge how much or how quickly an alcohol enema would affect any one person."

Alcohol enemas can be very dangerous or even deadly because an individual can "use too much alcohol or keep it inside for too long." Once alcohol enters the bloodstream, it cannot get back out. In 2004, a Texas woman was accused of giving her husband a sherry enema that caused his death, Reuters previously reported.

Butt chugging is not the only dangerous way students experiment with alcohol.

Last November, KPHO News reported that teens were using vodka tampons to get drunk. The tampon is soaked in vodka, inserted into the body, and the alcohol is absorbed without the barrier of the stomach. This is not a trend solely practiced by females, as males insert it into their rectums.

"Quicker high -- they think it's going to last longer; it's more intense," Dr. Dan Quan from Maricopa Medical Center told KPHO News. Adding that "if the person does pass out or lose consciousness, health care professionals won't necessarily know that they have to look in those areas, and that may delay treatment."

After the butt-chugging incident, Broughton was released from treatment on Sunday afternoon, according to The Memphis Commercial Appeal. The fraternity was put on a 30-day administrative suspension by Pi Kappa Alpha International, pending a decision on whether the action will be permanent.

Mark Broughton, the victim's father, told The Commercial Appeal that the incident "is not as has been reported, and we want to get our side out. ... From our standpoint, what has been reported is not what occurred."

The university released the following statement to WBIR:

"University officials are currently conducting an investigation into allegations involving the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity chapter and incidents that occurred over the weekend. Due to the gravity of the allegations, interim sanctions have already been imposed upon the chapter and will remain in effect until the investigation is concluded and final reports are available."

LISTEN TO THIS
a bit arty, a bit up it's own arse but importantly a bit good

David Byrne & St. Vincent - Love This Giant

go listen to it on spotify NOW

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8106426/Mediawatch

The Malleable Concept Of Right And Wrong
When it comes to football, Tony Pulis has a somewhat...well, 'malleable', shall we say, concept of what is right and wrong.

Mediawatch thinks we can all agree that in football, as in most walks of life, cheating is bad. It's wrong. We don't like it. And Pulis doesn't like it, either. Well, sometimes.

On the outrageous dives from Oscar and Branislav Ivanovic against Stoke on Saturday, Pulis said (which a rather loose grasp on who/what is European):

"Ivanovic's one in the first half is laughable and the lad Oscar, who's a fabulous player. This is England. We're playing in England, we're not playing in Europe. And we can't watch people just fall over and not talk about it. That's the disappointing thing.

"We should highlight it and keep highlighting it and keep highlighting it. There are certain players in the Premier League who have got a reputation and referees know that if you touch them then they'll fall down or go down as quickly as they can.

"The people that do it, just keep highlighting it, keep showing it, because it's a part of the game that I don't think we should stomach and we don't talk about enough."

What a crusader for justice, eh? Cheating is bad, right?

"I haven't see it, but if Peter's got away with it then brilliant," said Pulis after Peter Crouch twice handballed on the way to scoring against Manchester City a week ago.

Ah.

Quote Of The Day
"You look at it and think 'What a complete pr*ck I've made of myself'" - Steve Bruce fronts up after being sent to the stands during Hull's defeat to Leicester.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'City slippers' - The Daily Mirror.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A man sought emergency treatment at hospital in Auckland this week with an eel stuck up his bottom. The unnamed individual presented himself at the A&E department at Auckland City Hospital to explain his embarrassing problem. It is believed the patient was sent for X-rays and a scan, which showed there was an eel lodged inside him. "The eel was about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus and the incident is the talk of the place," a hospital source said. "Doctors and nurses have come across people with strange objects that have got stuck where they shouldn't be before, but an eel has to be a first."

'It is unclear how the eel managed to be trapped inside the man. It is believed medics successfully removed it and the man was later discharged. A hospital spokesman last night confirmed the bizarre incident had taken place. "In response to a direct query from the Herald on Sunday, we can confirm that an adult male presented at Auckland City Hospital this week with an eel inside him," Matt Rogers, spokesman for Auckland District Health Board, said. He added: "No further comment will be made out of respect for the patient's right to privacy" - The New Zealand Herald.

THE OSTRICH PILLOW!
http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57517956-1/ostrich-pillow-lets-you-bury-your-head-in-your-nap/

You're waiting for your flight at the airport. A snuffling sound emanates from behind you. It's getting louder. You turn to look. An eldritch creature emerges from a gray pod! Oh wait, it's just a fellow traveler removing his Ostrich Pillow. No need to panic.

The Ostrich Pillow looks a bit like a giant garden squash gone soft. It has a hole for your face so you can breath and two side holes to stick your hands in.

The Kickstarter project page refers to it as "a micro environment in which to take a comfortable power nap in the office, traveling, or wherever you want."

The 20 Worst PINs: Is Your ATM Code This Easy to Crack?

http://mashable.com/2012/09/24/pin-number-top-20

FREEE WIFI

Free (yes free) mobile WiFi from O2 whether you’re an O2 customer or not. Thousands of hotspots located in shops, cafes, bars and streets across the UK. The service can be up to 10x faster than 3G and doesn’t impact any data allowance on your mobile providers tariff. For more information and to register, please visit

http://o2wifi.co.uk/my

The service is intended to augment O2’s 3G service, reduce contention & improving user experience + acts as a loss-leader introduction to non-O2 users. There are a set of opt-out privacy options if you don’t want to receive marketing from O2.

Cyanide and Happiness

http://www.explosm.net/comics/2929/

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8108536/Mediawatch

Story Of The Day

'It is the squeaky clean football league set up to promote the Christian values of love, peace and understanding. Bad language leads to an automatic red card and ungentlemanly conduct, such as spitting or arguing, is frowned upon...But during a game between two church sides last weekend all HELL broke loose. The match between Common Ground United and Zion Athletic had to be abandoned after a brutal brawl broke out on the pitch at Churchfields playing fields off Newton Road, West Bromwich.

'By the time the dust had settled, five Common Ground players were up on charges of distinctly un-Christian violent conduct, one of them facing an additional count of serious violent conduct. Such was the severity of the trouble that all five could now be banned for a year' -Sunday Mercury.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A police constable has risked embarrassment after launching an investigation into a "suspicious light source" which was later found to be the moon. The constable was on duty late one evening last month when he spotted a "shining light" glowing over Clent Hills, a range of scenic peaks which rise up more than 1,000ft in Worcestershire. He radioed his sergeant, telling him he was "off up the hills" to investigate the "suspicious bright light" from 'over the other side of the hills'. He warned that as he was "single-crewed" he might require back-up if he found a crime in progress. The area is known as a hotspot for outdoor sex - and it is believed the officer thought he might catch offenders engaged in sexual activity when he mistook the bright light of the moon for car headlights. After a 20-minute walk up the hills, however, the red-faced officer radioed his sergeant back, telling him that the 'light source' was in actual fact the moon' - The Daily Telegraph.

http://cheezburger.com/6602673664

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8111623/Mediawatch

Non-Football Story Of The Day

'A HONG Kong shipping tycoon has offered a $65 million "marriage bounty'' to any man who can win the heart of his lesbian daughter, a report said today. Cecil Chao announced the financial reward of HK$500 million after his daughter, Gigi, married her same-sex partner of seven years in France earlier this year, the South China Morning Post reported. "I don't mind whether he is rich or poor. The important thing is that he is generous and kind hearted,'' 76-year-old Chao was quoted as stating. "Gigi is a very good woman with both talents and looks. She is devoted to her parents, is generous and does volunteer work,'' he added. Chao is well known in Hong Kong's social circles and regularly appears at public events with his latest young girlfriend. He reportedly once claimed to have had intimate relations with 10,000 women' - Herald Sun. Wants to marry his lesbian daughter to a man? Claims to have made sweet love to 10,000 women? Sounds like someone is a little bit insecure about their sexuality, if you ask us.

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8113801/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A man has been arrested for having sex in a street with a SOFA. Gerard Streator, 46, was spotted bending over the abandoned yellow settee with his trousers round his ankles. The hotel worker was seen by an off-duty cop at 11pm 'thrusting his hips' against the sofa which was in full view next to the kerb. Nobody was on the 'love seat'. As the officer yelled at him, Streator fled to a nearby apartment block in Waukesha, Wisconsin. He was later arrested and charged with one count of lewd and lascivious behaviour. Streator could face up to nine months in jail and a £7,000 fine' - The Sun. Hands up who was expecting the sofa to chop off his cock?

http://cheezburger.com/6610956800

The top high street shops to haggle at

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/shopping/how-to-haggle-successfully

Haggling, in one form or another, is already a hugely successful technique in many of this site's guides, including Cheap Mobile Phones, Package Holidays and even Credit Cards. See the Top 10 Companies to haggle with for more.

Yet it works on the high street too. Our poll of over 2,544 people shows discounts come to those who ask. Comet headed our list of big-name chains where hagglers revealed over 50% success rates.

The top 10 high street stores to haggle in
Retail chain	Success rate (of those who tried)	Retail chain	Success rate (of those who tried)
1. Comet	78%	6. Asda	60%
2. B&Q	78%	7. Tesco	58%
3. Currys/ PC World	78%	8. Wickes	56%
4. Homebase	69%	9. Sainsbury's	54%
5. John Lewis	63%	10. Debenhams	53%
2,544 people were polled - only retailers recieiving at least 100 people who attempted to haggle included. Figures are rounded, but order is correct. Note it's likely supermarket haggling is on non-food, big tickets items, eg, electricals & garden furniture.

While those are the triumphs, of the 40 big name stores in the poll, Boots was deemed least successful to haggle in, with 79% reporting failure. We found 72% failed in Apple stores - but that means 28% still managed to bag cheaper tech gear. See full results.

http://cheezburger.com/6602751232

OUTRAGE AND COUNTING

A horrible story about a man asking for sex after a third date, FILTHY FILTHY BEAST

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marcy-miller/who-counts_b_1914424.html?better

Including the time spent dating my ex husband and the length of our marriage, I was off the market for almost thirteen years. I never expected to be back in the dating scene, but after catching him cheating and going through a tumultuous divorce, I was thrown back into the fray.

One of my most pressing questions about dating was how the sexual mores for older singles had changed during this time. There are hundreds of articles about young people and their new dating habits, usually centered around technology. They have "hook-ups", "friends with benefits" and like to change their "Relationship Status" on Facebook. But what about dating over fifty? What could I expect?

I was fixed up with a man who was promised to be the "catch of the century." Fred called and asked me out for a casual dinner the following night. He was over sixty, tall, fit, intelligent and interesting. We talked about restaurants, art, travel, movies and I felt that there was a connection and chemistry.

When I returned home, the phone was already ringing. Fred was calling to ask me for three more dates; I was available for two. Our second date was at a romantic piano bar and was equally as pleasant as the first. I was relaxed and enjoyed the good conversation and the flirting.

Our third date was a Saturday night dinner at a beautiful romantic garden restaurant. Over spaghetti bolognese, he casually asked if I liked sex. I was caught off-guard -- it was such a random question in the context of our light banter -- but I replied with a non-committal, "Sure, why?"

He explained that he loved sex, and that when in a relationship, he expected to have sex 300 times a year. This was why he had recently broken up with his fiancee. I was flabbergasted. Did he keep a running count and post it on his refrigerator? Was this an exaggeration, the lies of a braggart, or the words of a man with a truly voracious sexual appetite? Was this the new dating norm?

All I knew was that I had no interest in sex on demand. There are a few recently published booksabout couples trying to reinvigorate their marriage by pledging to have sex for one hundred straight days, but Fred's ultimatum was different. Here was a man on our third date setting forth my obligations if I wanted to have a relationship with him. No romance, no friendship, no getting to know one another, no interest in my needs or desires -- it was all about him. No wonder his fiancee fled.

In a way, I was grateful that he blurted out his sex quota. I did not need to waste his or my time with any further dates. So much for the "catch of the century."

http://cheezburger.com/6610961664

agel head body art trend

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Bagel_head_body_art_trend

new trend in body art - known as the 'bagel head' - has emerged in Japan.

The look is created by injecting saline into the forehead until it swells up, and then pressing in the centre of the swollen area with a thumb.

The result gives the appearance that someone has a bagel stuck to their forehead, reports The Sun.

The process takes two hours to complete, but lasts just 16-24 hours, after which the saline is absorbed by the body and the forehead skinks to its normal size.

In a clip posted on YouTube, three people are seen undergoing the body modification in a Tokyo clinic.

It shows them having a large needle, attached to a saline drip, inserted into their foreheads.

As one customer's forehead starts swelling he says: "It's a relaxing sensation. It's kind of tingly and a building pressure that feels like it's sending me to sleep."

On seeing the final result, he smiles and says: "Oh sweet buttery bagels, I'm impressed. I look delicious."

Feel the power of the sync

http://www.couriermail.com.au/travel/news/stingray-photo-bombs-shocked-tourists/story-e6freqwo-1226483156928

Pensioner's solo wedding album

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Pensioners_solo_wedding_album

A retired schoolteacher has finally posed for an album full of glamourous wedding photos - 30 years after her husband died.

Liu Fu, 76, played the part of both bride and groom for a photo session at a studio in Zhengzhou, Henan province, China.

"We didn't have much money when we married so my husband Feng and I had a small wedding. But I've always wanted a proper wedding album," she explained.

So a host of wardrobe experts, hairdressers and make-up artists spent hours restyling Liu for her double take.

First Liu was styled as her groom in an emperor's costume and then dressed as a 1920s Shanghai gangster.

Then as the bride, Lui was clad in a traditional empress's costume, then in a Western white wedding dress to complete the set.

"It was wonderful - the answer to all my dreams. My only regret is that my husband couldn't share it," she said.

I'm a FIGHTER

http://now.msn.com/let-it-rip-with-these-deodorizer-fart-pads

Let it rip with these deodorizer fart pads

6/29/2012

You don't have to be in elementary school to giggle at these in-underwear deodorizer fart pads. Laced with activated charcoal, these ingenious (but not particularly sexy) adhesive pads help neutralize even the most odoriferous of releases. Just think, no more embarrassing silent-but-deadlies midmeeting or blaming that noxious smell on the dog. They're surely a lifesaver for anyone suffering from intestinal issues, and they definitely beat overdosing on Chanel No. 5. We're going to spend the rest of the day wondering who's wearing one. And giggling.

Woman wets herself then showers on subway

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Woman_wets_herself

A bizarre video has been posted online of a woman apparently wetting herself and then taking a shower on the New York subway.

The young woman is filmed standing with a friend in a busy subway car when she crouches slightly and appears to urinate, reports the Daily Mail.

To the disbelief of her fellow passengers, she then proceeds to get a gallon bottle of water out of her bag and give herself a makeshift shower.

She even pulls a pink sponge and some liquid soap from her bag to give herself a good scrub.

The woman, wearing a floral jumpsuit and flip-flops, appears to be slightly distressed and tells passengers she needs to wash before meeting friends.

The headlines is funnier than the story

Canada cheese-smuggling ring busted - policeman charged

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-19751695

it's all because cheese is cheaper in the US

Jimmy Hill invented 3 points for a win, what have you done

2012-09-21T07:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8089586/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A naked man found wandering in a forest in Germany was actually a monk who had mistakenly nibbled on some hallucinogenic berries, reports there said. A hiker discovered the nude, incoherent monk in some wilderness near Unterwössen, a Bavarian town near the Austrian border, on Sept. 6, European news website The Local reported. The fried friar was scraped-up and disoriented, and refused the hiker's offer for help. Police officers eventually tracked him down and took him to a local hospital, where he was treated for exposure. He was later identified as a monk from Traunstein, a town about 30 minutes to the northeast. He had been biking and camping in the countryside when he mistakenly ate some poisonous berries, which induced an LSD-type trip and led to some partial paralysis, The Local reported. Authorities weren't sure what happened to his clothes' - NYDailyNews.

Jimmy Hill
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Hill

Statue

Sculptor Nicholas Dimbleby was commissioned to build a statue of Hill at a cost of £150,000. The statue is located at Coventry's Ricoh Arena ground and was unveiled by Jimmy Hill in person on 28 July 2011.^[6]The money to build the statue was raised from public donations. Other former Coventry City legends, who played for the Sky Blues in the 1960s during Hill's 6 year term as manager, were there too for the short unveiling ceremony, including Bobby Gould, John Sillett and George Curtis, all of whom went on to manage the club in the 1980s.

[edit]Footballing legacy

He has a reputation as an all-round innovator in football: as well as helping to get rid of the maximum wage, he commissioned the first all-seater stadium when at Coventry, and has been credited with the invention of the 3 points for a win system, which was pioneered by The Football Association in 1981, and was credited with the idea of using the first panel of football pundits for the 1970 World Cup.

[edit]Public image

Jimmy Hill has become a cult figure, with many British comedy shows parodying his personality and prominent chin. He was a regular character called 'Knobchops' in the comedy series Stella Street(impersonated by Phil Cornwell). Hill is routinely drawn into panels of various Viz comic strips, typically in locales which the real Hill is unlikely to frequent.

He was also spoofed in The Goodies episode "2001 & A Bit", and parodied himself with appearances in both Monty Python's Flying Circus (dressed as Queen Victoria) and Harry Enfield and Chums.

Hill's large chin was referenced by popular British schoolboy slang in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s, with the phrases "Jimmy Hill!", "Itch my chin!" and "Chinny reckon!", accompanied by the exaggerated stroking of an imaginary lengthened chin, being used to convey the expression of mocking disbelief.

Jimmy Hill has been immortalised in the Scottish football chant "We hate Jimmy Hill, he's a poof, he's a poof". He had become unpopular with Scotland fans, better known as the Tartan Army, for describingDavid Narey's goal against Brazil in the 1982 World Cup as "a toe-poke" during the BBC's live coverage. He did apologise for this on BBC Scotland TV coverage of the World Cup in France 1998.

One of Hill's more light-hearted football moments took place in 1972. Arsenal were hosting Liverpool at Highbury on 16 September, when linesman Dennis Drewitt pulled a muscle and was unable to continue. FArules state that the match could not be completed without a referee and two linesmen, so the game was in danger of being abandoned. The matchday announcer put a message over the loudspeaker asking if anyone was a qualified referee and would volunteer to run the line. Hill was a qualified referee and had been at Highbury that day as a spectator. He quickly donned a tracksuit before stepping in for the injured Drewitt.^[7]

Hill is also well known for his ability to make ‘Colemanballs’ statements such as:

“I would undoubtedly pick him in the next England squad if I was the England manager and he wasn't actually Bermudan.”

“We're not used to weather in June in this country.”

“They're still in the game, and they're trying to get back into it.”

"That's a wise substitution by Terry Venables: three fresh men, three fresh legs."

"If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal."

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8091939/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A man who admits cooking and serving his own severed genitals to paying diners in Japan has been handed over to prosecutors on an allegation of indecent exposure, Tokyo police said on Tuesday. Criminal papers against the 23-year-old man and three other people who helped organise the event were sent to the Tokyo district public prosecutors' office, the Metropolitan Police Department (MPD) said, without naming them.

'But police did not question the dishing out of the genitals, possibly because there is no law against cannibalism in Japan. The man had earlier identified himself as Mao Sugiyama and an "asexual" illustrator' - News 24.

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8094820/Mediawatch
Quote Of The Day
"He ate ice cream for breakfast, he drank beer for lunch, when he was injured he blew up like a whale. But a player? Oh, beautiful. Beautiful" - Dino Zoff genuinely brings a tear to our eye when discussing Paul Gascoigne.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A US grandfather wrestled with an alligator after seeing his pet dog being dragged into the water in the animal's jaws. Stephen Gustafson said he took a "flying leap" on to the creature's back to save his West Highland Terrier, named Bounce. The 66-year-old was trimming branches on an oak tree outside his home in Lake County, Florida, when the gator attacked his dog. "She let out a really high pitched, what I call 'yelp,' and I looked up and the gator had her in his mouth and was taking her far out," he told Fox News. "I knew if I needed to react, it had to be quick. I saw the dog moving into the water and ran down the short hill in my backyard and just took a flying leap and landed flat on the back of the alligator."

'Mr Gustafson said the tussle lasted about 30 seconds before he was able to free Bounce - after which the gator went for his hand. "We were all under water," he said, "My main objective was to get the dog to the surface for air. (The alligator) didn't bite (my hand) and hold. It was more of a snapping. He went to bite again and his jaws came close but I grabbed his jaw and pinned it shut." The alligator eventually swam away, but was eventually trapped and is being preserved for Mr Gustafson's family. "It's going to be an heirloom for future generations to see what their crazy great-grandfather did," he said' - Sky News.

Runner-Up
'A drunken woman stole a passenger ferry on the River Dart and shouted 'I'm Jack Sparrow' and 'I'm a pirate' as she drifted away from police on the shore, a court has been told. Alison Whelan, 51, had been on a two-day bender drinking Lambrini and eating hallucinogenic plants when she sought late-night shelter with a companion on the Dart Princess Passenger Ferry. When police arrived to speak to her she unmoored the 45ft vessel from the Kingswear pontoon and set off up the river. Magistrates didn't see the funny side of her hour-long drunken escapade - which left several boats damaged and involved 30 members of the emergency services landing the tax payer with a hefty bill - as Whelan was sent to jail' - The Herald Express.

This has been watched by over 200 million people

Ig Nobel honours

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19667664

I have selected the awards I thought were good, click the link to see all of them

A UK/US team that came up with an equation to predict the shape of a ponytail has earned itself an Ig Nobel.

Psychology Prize: Anita Eerland and Rolf Zwaan (Netherlands) and Tulio Guadalupe (Peru/Russia/Netherlands) for their study Leaning to the Left Makes the Eiffel Tower Seem Smaller.

Acoustics Prize: Kazutaka Kurihara and Koji Tsukada (Japan) for creating the SpeechJammer - a machine that disrupts a person's speech by making them hear their own spoken words at a very slight delay.

Neuroscience Prize: Craig Bennett, Abigail Baird, Michael Miller, and George Wolford (US) for demonstrating that brain researchers, by using complicated instruments and simple statistics, can see meaningful brain activity anywhere - even in a dead salmon.

Chemistry Prize: Johan Pettersson (Sweden/Rwanada) for solving the puzzle of why, in certain houses in the town of Anderslöv, Sweden, people's hair turned green.

Literature Prize: The US Government General Accountability Office for issuing a report about reports about reports that recommends the preparation of a report about the report about reports about reports.

Physics Prize: Joseph Keller (US), Raymond Goldstein (US/UK), Patrick Warren and Robin Ball (UK) for calculating the balance of forces that shape and move the hair in a human ponytail. Prof Keller was additionally given an Ig for work he contributed to on non-drip teapots in 1999 but for which he had been wrongly overlooked at the time.

The new high spots from apples new mapping technology, no doubt called the iMap

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-19659736

Museum in river

Among the user complaints regarding Apple's maps sent to the BBC were:

Users have complained about the quality of satellite images in the new software (bottom)

Some towns appear to be missing, such as Stratford-upon-Avon and Solihull.
Others, like Uckfield in East Sussex, are in the wrong location.
Satellite images of various locations, particularly in Scotland, are obscured by cloud.
A search for Manchester United Football Club directs users to Sale United Football Club, a community team for ages five and above.
Users also reported missing local places, such as schools, or strange locations. Another screenshot showed a furniture museum that was apparently located in a river.

ITS GIN O'CLOCK SO HERE COMES CHARLIE

2012-09-14T06:36:00.004-07:00

http://i.huffpost.com/gen/736450/thumbs/o-KISS-CAM-BEER-570.jpg?4
ITS A FAKE BUT ITS FUNNY
http://news.yahoo.com/sorry-guys-prince-charles-never-chased-girl-pot-134434311.html

This episode is littered with pictures of war poster, originally found on the excellent mental floss
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/139856

KES

Google builds Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon into its search system

http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/sep/13/google-six-degrees-kevin-bacon

Student game, based on the idea that it is always possible to connect every film actor in the world back to the Footloose star, has been added into Google's search engine

To use Google's system, the user simply types in the words "Bacon number" followed by the name of the actor. By way of example, typing "Bacon number Simon Pegg" reveals that Bacon and the British actor are linked by Tom Cruise, because the latter appeared in 1992's A Few Good Men with Bacon and in 2006's Mission: Impossible III with Pegg. Pegg therefore has a Bacon number of two, indicating two degrees of separation.

17 Euphemisms for Sex From the 1800s
http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/140163

1. Amorous congress

To say two people were engaged in the amorous congress was by far the most polite option on the list, oftentimes serving as the definition for other, less discreet synonyms.

2. Basket-making

“Those two recently opened a basket-making shop.” From a method of making children’s stockings, in which knitting the heel is called basket-making.

3. Bread and butter

One on top of the other. “Rumor has it he found her bread and butter fashion with the neighbor.”

4. Brush

“Yeah, we had a brush once.” The emphasis here is on brevity; just a fling, no big deal.

5. Clicket

“They left together, so they’re probably at clicket.” This was originally used only for foxes, but became less specific as more and more phrases for doing it were needed.

6. Face-making

Aside from the obvious, this also comes from “making children,” because babies have faces.

7. Blanket hornpipe

There is probably no way to use this in seriousness or discreetly, but there you have it.

8. Blow the grounsils

“Grounsils” are foundation timbers, so “on the floor.”

9. Convivial society

Similar to “amorous congress” in that this was a gentler term suitable for even the noble classes to use, even if they only whispered it.

10. Take a flyer

“Flyers” being shoes, this is “dressed, or without going to bed.”

11. Green gown

Giving a girl a green gown can only happen in the grass.

12. Lobster kettle

A woman who sleeps with soldiers coming in at port is said to “make a lobster kettle” of herself.

13. Melting moments

Those shared by “a fat man and woman in amorous congress.”

14. Pully hawly

A game at pully hawly is a series of affairs.

15. St. George

In the story of St. George and the Dragon, the dragon reared up from the lake to tower over the saint. “Playing at St. George” casts a woman as the dragon and puts her on top.

16. A stitch

Similar to having a brush, “making a stitch” is a casual affair.

17. Tiff

A tiff could be a minor argument or falling-out, as we know it. In the 19th century, it was also a term for eating or drinking between meals, or in this case, a quickie.

Read the full text here: http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/140163#ixzz264JlBF00
--brought to you by mental_floss!

COULD ZOMBIES LIVE WITH US

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8048374/Mediawatch
Weird
Hey, think that guy you know is weird? Think that girl over the road is mentally unstable?

Well, they're not. Not in comparison to this young German lady, who loves Alan Pardew so much that she made the video below

She has a Tumblr too. Although we wouldn't recommend clicking here if you have epilepsy. Or want to sleep tonight.

Kiss Cam Guy Chooses Beer Over Girlfriend (PHOTO)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/19/guy-on-kiss-cam-beer-photo_n_1807277.html

Non-Football Story Of The Day
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8048374/Mediawatch
'A New Hampshire woman was arrested four times in 26 hours for playing Highway to Hell by AC/DC too loudly. Joyce Coffey got into trouble from the police for blasting the AC/DC song and other loud music from her home. Police first issued a warning to the Epping local on Tuesday afternoon, according to authorities, and an hour later arrested her for playing extremely loud music.

'She was arrested again five hours later, before being released and rearrested again before dawn on Wednesday, again because of her insufferably noisy music. Ms Coffey was then arrested for the fourth time after her nephew told police he attempted to remove some of his belongings from the house and she threw a frying pan at him. After being jailed on Friday, WMUR-TV reported that a judge has since recommended that she use headphones, to avoid further punishment for indulging in extremely loud rock tracks' - Metro.

Redheads gather in Holland for festival

An annual festival of redheads has been taking place in Breda, Holland.

Around 1,400 redheads from 52 countries took part in the festivities which included activities such as fashion shows and art exhibitions devoted to the colour red.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19461177

Teen wolf versus ninja mutant teen wolf
I saw picture on photobomb today and was thinking about the excellent film teen wolf.

I always imagine pitching ideas to someone and having a grumpy boss who doesn't like new ideas.

teen wolf creator : TWC : Hey boss I have a brilliant idea

BOSS : hit me

TWC : it's about a teenager who is a wolf

BOSS : hmm I'm not sure it sounds a bit shit

TWC : no no, it's awesome. He turns into a wolf, is fantastic at basketball, goes surfing on the roof of his van and the bit everyone will remember is when he asks for a keg of beer, like this, I SAID A KEG OF BEER"

BOSS: ok it's sounding better

TWC : oh yeah, what about this, Marty J Fox to play the teen wolf in his individual always in a hurry, scurrying about style.

BOSS : isn't he too old

TWC : nope he is forever young to the film audience

BOSS : POW, make it happen number one

I also wondered how rubbish the film would have been if it was middle aged wolf or how good it would have been if it was a teenage mutant ninja wolf.

in fact anything mutanty and ninjaory is good, you add some mutant and ninja to anything and it makes a whole lot better.

Eastenders, a breakout of mutant ninjas, pow, I might even watch an episode.

NEWSNIGHT, Paxman interviewing a mutant ninja politician. GO ON THEN PAXMAN get all high mighty with him, BAM kicked paxman's head off

wait, what's this, PAXMAN is a mutant ninja interviewer, he backflips up, puts his head back on, says something smart and the ninja fighting begins.

http://thehosk.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/teen-wolf-versus-ninja-mutant-teen-wolf.html

Imagine if you laid an egg with Paul Daniels inside

Business insider takes a break from business to look at tennis players then and now

http://www.businessinsider.com/tennis-legends-2012-8?op=1

not to mention the very important business news of - The hottest female players at the us open
http://www.businessinsider.com/the-hottest-female-players-at-the-us-open-2012-8?op=1

Jeremy Hunt, Health Secretary, thinks Homeopathy works

The man put in charge of the nation's health policyis on record as supporting spending public money on magic water to cure disease. Here's the text of an Early Day Motion he signed in 2007:

That this House welcomes the positive contribution made to the health of the nation by the NHS homeopathic hospitals; notes that some six million people use complementary treatments each year; believes that complementary medicine has the potential to offer clinically-effective and cost-effective solutions to common health problems faced by NHS patients, including chronic difficult to treat conditions such as musculoskeletal and other chronic pain, eczema, depression, anxiety and insomnia, allergy, chronic fatigue and irritable bowel syndrome; expresses concern that NHS cuts are threatening the future of these hospitals; and calls on the Government actively to support these valuable national assets.

Bestselling Author Caught Posting Positive Reviews of His Own Work on Amazon
http://gawker.com/5940254/bestselling-author-caught-posting-positive-reviews-of-his-own-work-on-amazon

RJ Ellory, award-winning author of crime novels such as A Simple Act of Violence and A Quiet Belief in Angels was blasted by fellow crime writer Jeremy Duns for posting glowing reviews of his own work on Amazon under the pseudonym "Nicodemus Jones."

After Duns exposed Ellory on Twitter, the author had no choice but to fess up to calling A Quiet Belief in Angels "a modern masterpiece" that "will touch your soul."

"The recent reviews... are my responsibility and my responsibility alone," Ellory said in a statement. "I wholeheartedly regret the lapse of judgment that allowed personal opinions to be disseminated in this way and I would like to apologise to my readers and the writing community."

http://gizmodo.com/5940545/these-one+handed-condom-wrappers-need-to-exist

WISH YOU WERE HERE

These One-Handed Condom Wrappers Need to Exist

Jamie Condliffe

Technology moves forward in leaps and bounds, but some designs never change. Which is why thousands of men embarrass themselves on a daily basis as they struggle to open condom packaging. That's why these one-handed wrappers need to exist.

A concept by London-based designer Ben Pawle, the newly designed wrapper is engineered so that it can be opened with a single hand—to help boost confidence and sustain romance. Ben explains:

A durable outer foil layer with perforated design protects the thin inner sealed plastic membrane which preserves the condom itself. The design uses a one-handed finger snapping action to exert enough force to break through both layers, revealing the condom and forcing it to slide out of the wrapper between finger and thumb.

Truly one of those "why didn't I think of that?" ideas, it's surprising to hear that the concept actually emerged from focus groups exploring the difficulties faced by semi-parlyzed hemiplegics, and not a single eureka moment. But regardless of how the idea came into being, one thing's for certain: these things needs to exist, like, now.

The prototype will be on show at London's V&A museum during the upcoming London Design Festival. [Ben Pawle via Core 77]

Also what is a bit odd is one of the comments

ezrashapiro and 2 more

I think what sustains romance is sex without a condom with your spouse. No I'm not a troll.

I'm not really sure how useful the invention is above because you will still need to hands to pop it on, DONT YOU???

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8069486/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A MASSAGE parlour and a car wash outlet in Sunway Mentari have given new meaning to the phrase "customer loyalty". They have come up with a creative way to entice more customers to engage their services by offering free sex after nine car washes. However, their three-month old "win-win" partnership went bust after police stormed the massage parlour on Monday night. In the 9pm operation, nine Vietnamese women, believed to be prostitutes and GROs, aged between 18 and 28, were arrested. Selangor National Key Result Area (NKRA) Crime Prevention Division officer-in-charge, ASP Emmi Shah Fadhil, said police got wind of the activity after the raiding team found several car wash loyalty cards from five customers who were caught having sex with the prostitutes' - The Malay Mail.

ezrashapiro and 2 more
I think what sustains romance is sex without a condom with your spouse. No I'm not a troll.

jer102
Speaking for cak handed men everywhere, this is very much needed!

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8054014/Mediawatch
Quote Of The Day
"I got hit by a squirrel. I went over the top of my bike and landed on my head, shoulder and neck. I saw it run into the road but couldn't do anything about it and it just hit my wheel and stuck in my wheel and hit my brakes. For a minute, I thought I might have been in trouble because I landed on my head. Then, all of a sudden, I thought: 'I'm not, I'm alive!'" - Scunthorpe manager Alan Knill tells a harrowing tale of what happens when man meets nature.

Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'China Ferrari sex orgy death crash' - Metro Herald.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A MILLIONAIRE is offering a £500 reward to catch thieves who stole the head from his Simon Cowell scarecrow. Alan Love put the scarecrow in his garden for an annual charity competition in his town. But his four-year-old daughter Mia was left in tears when thieves nicked the head. Alan, of Bothwell, Lanarkshire, said: "Mia goes out with her mum to the garden every morning and every evening to check that the Simon Cowell scarecrow is OK.

"When we came home and discovered it was gone, Mia was really upset. She was in tears and everything. I'm not happy." Hundreds of local people make figures for the three-day Bothwell Scarecrow Festival and the event raises cash for Yorkhill children's hospital in Glasgow. Alan has been scouring CCTV footage in a bid to catch the theives who stole X Factor chief Cowell's head. He has even printed "wanted" posters asking for help to nail the yobs' - The Daily Record.

Visual Cliff experiment with babies!

Watch babies face the same test of courage as Indiana Jones!

http://io9.com/5940177/watch-babies-face-the-same-test-of-wits-and-bravery-as-indiana-jones?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

10 COSTS THAT DONT MAKE SENSE
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19438088

THIS SPICY CHICKEN IS TOO DAMN SPICY

2012-08-31T07:17:00.002-07:00

How the Navy Taught Its Engineers About Them New Fangled Computer Machines Back in 1962

Guy Called the Cops Because His Spicy McChicken Was Too Spicy

http://kotaku.com/5937520/guy-called-the-cops-because-his-spicy-mcchicken-was-too-spicy?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

Brian Ashcraft

According to reports out of China, a man in Guangzhou phoned the police because he thought the Spicy McChicken he ordered was too darn spicy.

After getting his food, the man sat down and took a bite. Website The Nanfang reports that the man seemed surprised by his sandwich, so he called over a McDonald's employee to take a bite. Then, supposedly, the hot-mouthed man called the police!

When the police arrived, the officer tried to get the man to calm down. The McDonald's even went the extra mile, giving him a cola and some grilled chicken legs.

As The Nanfang points out, most people online in China think this guy has mental problems (or maybe he just thought he ordered a regular McChicken?), but did note that he was able to score two meals for the price of one. Don't forget internet fame—he got that, too!

TAIWAN PROMOTES THE LADY WEE

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-19390785

Taiwan minister says men should sit down to urinate

A Taiwanese minister has caused widespread debate on hygiene by suggesting that men should sit down while urinating instead of standing up.

Stephen Shen, Environmental Protection Administration (EPA) minister, said that sitting on the toilet like women do creates a cleaner environment.

This has generated a lot of online debate, says the BBC's Cindy Sui.

Officials are to ask local governments this week to put up notices in public places advising men to sit.

While many women in social media websites favour the suggestion, a lot of men say it would be hard to stop doing what they are used to, our correspondent in Taipei adds.

But EPA officials insist that it can be done.

"We want to learn from Japan and Sweden," said Yuan Shaw-jing, EPA director general of environmental santitation and toxic substance maintenance.

"In Japan, we heard 30% of the men sit," he added.

Inspectors regularly grade Taiwan's estimated 100,000 public toilets, with most of receiving high marks. But EPA officials say there is room for improvement, as some toilets are still smelly because of urine spatter.

While the agency said that it cannot force men to change their habits, it will ask local governments this week to put notices in public toilets with the suggestion.

As for Mr Shen, the EPA confirmed that he himself practices what he suggests - at home and while using public toilets.

Football 365 mediawatch

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8027667/Mediawatch

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A tourist who was declared missing and the subject of an intense police search had no idea she was missing, and in fact took part in the search itself. The story began on Saturday, Morgunblaðið reports, when a woman who was described as "Asian, about 160cm, in dark clothing and speaks English well" was declared missing somewhere in the vicinity of Eldgjá, in south Iceland. The search went on throughout the weekend, with no sign of the woman found. However, yesterday morning, she was reported found - and had no idea she was missing in the first place.

'This was apparently the result of a misunderstanding regarding her appearance. While it was initially reported that she had stepped off the bus at Eldgjá and never returned, in fact she changed clothing before getting back on the bus. To make matters more surreal, she had even taken part in the search, without realising at first that she was the one people were looking for. Eventually, it occurred to her that she could very well be the "missing person" being described, and reported the matter to the police. The search was called off shortly thereafter' - Grapevine.is.

Runner-Up
'A man aiming to start hoax rumours of a Bigfoot sighting in the United States was run over and killed as he stood in the road trying to startle drivers. He was wearing a camouflage suit and would have been hard to see, said police in Montana. The man was hit by one car as he stood facing traffic, and second one hit him as he lay in the road after the impact. Police said Randy Lee Tenley (44) of Kalispell may have been drinking but are awaiting tests. He was trying to make people think he was Sasquatch so people would call in a Sasquatch sighting," trooper Jim Schneider said.

"You can't make it up. I haven't seen or heard of anything like this before. Obviously, his suit made it difficult for people to see him. He probably would not have been very easy to see at all." Mr Tenley was struck by vehicles driven by two girls, ages 15 and 17, who were unable to stop in time, police said' - AP.

India vagina gel: 'Why the hell should you be tightening anything?'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-radio-and-tv-19405113

Chocolate may protect the brain from stroke

Chocolate might not be the healthiest thing for your waistline - but research suggests it may protect against stroke.

A study following more than 37,000 Swedish men showed those eating the most chocolate were the least likely to have a stroke.

It follows on from other studies that have suggested eating chocolate can improve the health of the heart.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-19402143

Procrastination: Readers' tales of epic time-wasting

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19396204

A friend of mine, who I'll call "Dave" (because that was his name) said he would do anything to avoid A-level revision. At one point he infamously found himself weighing the cat, convinced that he would only be able to settle down to work if he had that data to hand. As a result, some 25 years later, the act of procrastination is referred to by my family as "weighing the cat". Ian Whitten, Sittingbourne, Kent

I am a teacher, I once left a set of books unmarked for so long I was embarrassed to give them back to the students yet again unmarked. So I hid them, then went into the classroom and told them they had been stolen. Sonia, London

I bought a book called 52 Steps To Defeating Procrastination. I've still never read it - it was over 10 years ago, and I'm not even sure where it is now. Craig, Bedfordshire, UK

I started up the Stirling University Procrastination Society in 1980. It was a resounding success. Not one person bothered to return their registration form on time and we never got round to holding any meetings. Well done us. Yay!JohnB, Berkshire

is this the fastest kick it the world?

4 WORDS THAT SHOULD BE CREATED
http://www.cracked.com/blog/4-words-that-someone-should-have-invented-by-now/?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

#4. Surprise Boner

By the time I'd made it to college, I thought I had a pretty good handle on what qualities I found attractive in a woman. I like my women like I like my coffee; hot, just a little bit sweet, black, (but I'm also fine if it's tan, or white [I often put too much milk into my coffee, but that's okay]), likes movies, tells funny jokes, watches too much television, appreciates my funny funny dances, is impressed with how fast I am, and gets along well with my dog.

The perfect cup of coffee/...woman?

(I'm not great at metaphors.)

My point is that, by a certain age, I thought I knew the basic, superficial things that I found attractive in a person. "No more surprises in the attractiveness department," was a phrase I probably said out loud.

Then all of that changed. One night, I was on a double date with my buddy and some women that he knew from a place, (I'm not great at remembering details). We went to the beach, because that's where poor people go when they want to be romantic. This particular beach had a bunch of large rocks, and because I wanted to impress my date, (and because I'm crazy good at climbing and jumping), I spent some time climbing and subsequently jumping from rock to rock. In accordance with a clause in the tenuous laws that balance the universe, I'm not actually allowed to be impressive in front of women, so naturally I slipped off one of the rocks and sliced the ever-loving crap out of my hand.

Photos.com
"Nah, I'm fine, baby, I like it better this way. So, like what's your sign?"

I tried to walk it off like I was fine, as if bleeding was just one of the cool guy tricks I'd perfected after years of practice, and that everything would be okay if everyone would just promise not to look at me, but my date calmly washed the wound, and before I could say anything else, she ripped a long shred of cloth from the t-shirt I was wearing with her bare hands and made a makeshift tourniquet out of it. She wrapped it tight around my hand and, when I winced, said "Don't be a pussy."

And that's when I figured out Yes. That. I am also looking for that in a woman.

The first beat was "Wow, that was hot" and the second beat was "Really? I'm into that? Huh." That sort of thing happens all the time in life. You think you know what you're looking for, and then someone will do something that'll make you realize, for the first time, that you're extremely attracted to that particular thing. Previously, I had no idea that the kind of woman who could completely Rambo a shirt and then make fun of me was attractive to me, but after that night, obviously of course it was always true.

It's when something both surprises and arouses, and I'd like there to be a word for this.

Annoying, Speed-Related Car Thing

#2. Hatred: Confirmed

#1. Horizon Blockers

APPLE KILLS STAR TREK

GET BACK THIS BABIES ARE ANGRY

Signed, sealed, undelivered

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Signed_sealed_undelivered

A romantic prankster almost suffocated when he mailed himself to his girlfriend in a sealed box - and got lost in the post.

Hu Seng, from Chongqing city, southern China, paid a courier firm to deliver him to partner Li Wang as a joke.

But couriers mixed up the address and instead of 30 minutes in the sealed box, gasping Seng was trapped for nearly three hours.

By the time the package finally arrived at his girlfriend's office, where a friend was waiting to record her surprise on camera, Seng had passed out and had to be revived by paramedics.

"I didn't realise it would take so long," admitted Seng. " I tried to make a hole in the cardboard but it was too thick and I didn't want to spoil the surprise by shouting."

A spokesman for the courier commented: "If he'd told us what he was doing at the start we would not have taken the parcel.

"Even when we accept animals they have to go in special containers so they can breath."

Naked salute for Harry group takes off

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Naked_salute_for_Harry_group_takes_off

More than 20,000 people have joined a Facebook group encouraging army personnel to strip in support of Prince Harry.

The group, entitled 'Support Prince Harry with a naked salute!', features users of the social network posing in various states of undress saluting the third-in-line to the throne.

Strategically placed props including union flags, backpacks and teddy bears have been used to preserve group members' modesty.

"If you have served or are serving in the military I want to see a naked salute in support of Prince Harry," explains the group's description.

"Please cover your crown jewels, tag yourself in your photo as proof of your support to the nations favourite royal!"

The group was set up in response to leaked pictures, first published by a US website, showing the prince naked in his hotel suite in Las Vegas.

'I was arrested for being a spy' - Worst homework excuses revealed

Stories involving fictitious dogs eating pretend pieces of homework are being ditched by students favouring far more imaginative excuses involving ghosts and international espionage.

Being declared dead, erupting volcanoes and the outbreak of civil war are just some of the unbelievable excuses that British lecturer John Curry has heard from students over the last 14 years.

The City of Bath College computer expert said many of the unusual, but mostly legitimate, explanations for not completing work were from students looking for 24 hour extensions.

'Some of the excuses seem pretty improbable, but when you have someone's death certificate in their hands, you have to accept their excuse,' Mr Curry told the Times Higher Education Supplement.

One student even claimed he had wrongly been arrested for being a Chinese spy before being released just in time to plead for a deadline extension.

Another was granted an extension because the Indian government had attempted to seize his home after he had been declared legally dead.

'I was grieving over the death of my World Of Warcraft character, was another excuse offered by one misguided pupil.

However one student did manage to gain some extra time after convincing the lecturer they were bring spooked by a ghost.

'That person genuinely believed there was a ghost and I actually accepted their word and gave them a few more hours,' he explained.

'I'm actually more sympathetic to someone who just says "I have not done the work" because they are being honest. I might give them a few more hours.

'However, that is very, very rare - it's only happened on one occasion.'

The lecturer also said that previously accepted excuses relating to IT mishaps were no longer likely to be accepted.

'Students are told to back up their work, and universities now have extensive IT facilities if something happens,' he said.

'Some of the excuses are just [a way] to stall for 24 hours. If you go on social media, you can improve your mark marginally by just picking up on the gossip about a paper.

'I think lecturers are more aware that undergraduates communicate with each other like this.'

Wheel Clamp Man to the rescue

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Wheel_Clamp_Man_to_the_rescue

A mystery caped crusader who calls himself Wheel Clamp Man has been hailed a hero by motorists for setting free their cars.

The man, who sports a green lycra costume with multi-coloured socks and black Speedo trunks, uses an angle grinder to remove wheel clamps.

Wheel Clamp Man, who has been helping motorists in the Australian city of Perth for weeks, was inspired to act after he was clamped himself.

"I went to a car park, pulled in, couldn't see any signs, and I must have walked less than 100 yards and I was clamped," he told a local newspaper. "It was a con because they were watching."

He took his inspiration from Britain's Angle Grinder Man who wore a blue leotard and removed clamps in London and Kent almost a decade ago.

"I'm helping people out," he said. "I don't feel I'm damaging property.

"The amount of money these companies make off innocent people is insane. Where does that money go? Not into car parks or safer streets. It goes into their pocket."

In return for saving motorists a £90 release fee, he asks for a small donation which he reportedly gives to the homeless.

However, the motorists' superhero has been described as a menace by police.

A Western Australia police spokesman said: "He is committing the offence of criminal damage. We will deal with him."

Jacko copies Fredo

Canadian couple adopt pool and pub-loving grizzly bear Billy

Grizzly bear Billy is used to being treated just like one of the family- enjoying nothing more than watching TV with his adopted parents and joining them on trips to the local pub.

Related Tags:: Canada

Mark and Dawn Dumas enjoying a game of pool with Billy the grizzly bear at their local pub in Langley, Canada (Picture: Barcroft)

ITS MAD I TELL YOU

If you are too drunk to drive, get on your horse

2012-08-24T04:41:00.000-07:00

FREE PINT

Yes Marstons are offering a free pint basically for a valid email address

http://www.marstonsoffers.co.uk/offers-home
http://www.marstonsoffers.co.uk/offers-home

Simply click through the link, on the home page click the sign up button on the 'we would like to treat you to a FREE drink' banner, enter your post code, select your local, fill in your details & print the voucher! Don't have a printer? Show them it on your smartphone!

Fancy a free bar crawl? I have 10 pubs within a 10 mile radius doing this offer. 10 email addresses and a free 10 pint pub crawl! Result.

I should say I found this offer on the useful website HUKD
http://www.hotukdeals.com/freebies/absolutely-free-pint-marstons-pubs-j2o-coke-for-those-that-don-t-drink-1291076?utm_source=Hotukdeals+community+updates+list&utm_campaign=c335e7d249-HukD_Community_News_08212012&utm_medium=email

TOP 10 JOKES AT THE EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-19316443

The top jokes were:

1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."

2. Tim Vine - "Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. "

3. Will Marsh - "I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister."

4. Rob Beckett - "You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your book case."

5. Chris Turner - "I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet… I don't know Y."

6. Tim Vine - "I took part in the sun tanning Olympics - I just got Bronze."

7. George Ryegold - "Pornography is often frowned upon, but that's only because I'm concentrating."

8. Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"

9. Lou Sanders - "I waited an hour for my starter so I complained: 'It's not rocket salad."

10. Nish Kumar - "My mum's so pessimistic, that if there was an Olympics for pessimism… she wouldn't fancy her chances."

some of the jokes in the comments

361.
Phill
21ST AUGUST 2012 - 15:35

Two cow's discussing bovine disease.
One says to the other, 'Are you worried about this mad cow issue?' The other one says, 'Why should I, I'm a duck.'
+7

Comment number358.
pb
21ST AUGUST 2012 - 15:26

A man tries to enter a nightclub with an open shirt but the bouncer says "I can't let you in without a tie". The man returns five minutes later with a set of car jump leads tied around his neck, The bouncer looks him over and says "OK, you can go in now... but don't start anything"
+20

Comment number309.
Mr Meggo
21ST AUGUST 2012 - 14:13

It was really hard overcoming my addiction to the hokey cokey. But I turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.
+38

Comment number267.
HugeCanoe
21ST AUGUST 2012 - 13:14

I took the shell off of my racing snail to see if it went any faster.

If anything though, it just made it more sluggish.

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7998412/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A gang of pink sari-wearing vigilantes who thrash wife-beating husbands are taking on Bollywood in a row over a movie over their exploits in northern India. The Gulabi Gang - or Pink Gang - dispense instant justice with hefty poles to cruel husbands, corrupt politicians and crooked police chiefs in Uttar Pradesh state. Now they've threatened to thrash movie producers making a film about the gang's creator Sampat Pal too unless they like the final cut.

Spokeswoman Jaiprakash Shivhare said: "We run a group that helps women in distress. But we are sceptical as to how all of this will be shown in a film. "We also think it would be appropriate it if they can give us some compensation. We can help women with that money." Director Anubhav Sinha, said: "It's too early for anyone to talk about this film" - Orange.

FOOT + NADS + ASS = PAIN SUCKER
Imagine being kicked up the arse and in the nads at the same time, now I'm not sure why you want to imagine that but this is what it would look like

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8005667/Mediawatch
Bloody Impressive Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A French swimmer without legs and arms has successfully swum the frigid waters separating Alaska and Russia. Philippe Croizon, whose limbs were amputated after a 1994 electrical accident, completed his swim from Alaska's Little Diomede Island to the Russian maritime border near Big Diomede Island. Mr Croizon had intended to swim all the way to the shoreline of Big Diomede, but regional Russian authorities denied him permission to enter the territory. His swim to Russian waters took about an hour and 15 minutes and he was accompanied by his friend, Arnaud Chassery. Mr Croizon uses paddle-like prosthetics to swim, and has completed crossings of the English Channel, the Red Sea and other major waterways.

'His Bering Strait swim was the last in a series of expeditions across waterways that separate continents, according to Handicap International, the non-profit organisation that helped organise the Alaska swim. "I wanted to say that we both linked the five continents despite one country's objection," said Mr Croizon. "Just to say that nothing is impossible. We can all succeed in life despite of what happens to us. There is no difference. We are all equal." He now plans to travel to London to work as a radio and television commentator during the Paralympics' - Orange.

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8007432/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Protesters dressed in bowler hats and black suits to stage a sit-in on toilets on an Australian beach. Titled The Coalition of the Constipated, the bizarre protest was over the lack of public toilets at Adelaide's Henley Beach. Twelve protesters carried their own toilets down to the beach, placing them in a line, before dropping their trousers and sitting. Surreal artist Andrew Baines came up with the idea, and will now paint the scene for an exhibition in January 2013. "I think this is the job of an artist to take these issues to the wider community and let people talk about it," he said.

'Beachgoers often have to ask local cafe owners to use their toilets, disturbing customers and inconveniencing the owners. Kym Hewitt, a local business owner, said he sympathised with beachgoers faced with little choice. "The public toilets are not up to scratch at all and quite often we have a lot of people coming through to the cafe, sort of not really dressed for the cafe," he said. The Australian Broadcasting Corporation reported that the local council is currently consulting the community about the best place to build public toilets' - Orange.
see more This is Photobomb

http://mashable.com/2012/08/21/leap-motion-profile

Kiss Your Keyboard and Mouse Goodbye With The Leap

Since Steven Spielberg expertly crafted it a decade ago, the world has been clamoring for a user interface similar to what was found in sci-fi thriller Minority Report. Even the inkling of flipping through applications and swiping screens in mid-air made geeks tingle all over, but aside from expertly developed hacks on the Xbox Kinect, nothing definitive seemed to break through and truly give the public that enticing functionality of the future.

That is, until now. After more than five years of development, a proprietary technology has emerged that synthesizes the shape and movement of the human hand to produce movement onto a computer. It’s called The Leap — and for an astonishingly low price of $70, you can begin to control a computer with nothing more than your hands, as early as next February.

see more This

is Photobomb

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/8009485/Mediawatch
Understatement Of The Day
"It's not ideal but I have to remain positive" - Kevin Sheedy reacts after being diagnosed with bowel cancer. Get well soon, Kevin.

Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Man losing pants on Winwick Road is Facebook hit' - The Warrington Guardian.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'WJBF News Channel 6 has learned a Georgia Health Sciences University (GHSU) Lab Animal Services employee was found drunk and partially nude in a Lab Animal Services Technician locker room on Monday, August 13th. A GHSU spokesperson confirms that 2 monkeys were out of their cages in the locked Animals Services Lab. The man is identified as 32-year-old Coley Oneal Mitchell. GHSU Police officers arrested Mitchell and charged him with public drunkenness and turned him over to the Richmond County Sheriff's Office. He was then booked into the Richmond County Jail.

'In a statement sent to WJBF News Channel 6, a GHSU spokesperson says: "No animals were harmed during the incident, but the university takes the allegations very seriously. GHSU does not condone behavior that conflicts with the research, education and clinical missions of the university and employees are expected to conduct themselves, at all times, with integrity and respect." We are told the monkeys were not harmed and they were checked by a veterinarian, who reported the monkeys are fine' - WJBF.com.

see more This is Photobomb
see more This is Photobomb

Women Who Have Unprotected Sex Are Happier, Smarter Thanks to Mood-Elevating Properties of Semen

http://gawker.com/5936835/women-who-have-unprotected-sex-are-happier-smarter-thanks-to-mood+elevating-properties-of-semen

Researchers from SUNY Albany have authored a study which claims that certain chemicals found in semen can have a positive effect on the physical and mental health of women who frequently engage in unprotected sex.

Semen is known to contain such "mood-altering chemicals" as estrone and oxytocin, which elevate mood; cortisol, which promotes affection; serotonin, which acts as an antidepressant; and melatonin, which induces sleep.

Using data obtained from an anonymous survey of 293 females on campus, Gordon Gallup and Rebecca Burch, working alongside University of Liverpool psychologist Steven Platek, were able to determine that women who engage in oral sex or have unprotected sex on a regular basiswere happier than those who practiced safe sex.

see more This is Photobomb

Trend Alert: Take Pictures After You’ve Just Had Sex to Let Everyone Know That Sex Is Something You Hav

http://gawker.com/5937088/trend-alert-take-pictures-after-youve-just-had-sex-to-let-everyone-know-that-sex-is-something-you-have

Sexy shoots featuring rumpled beds and steamy showers are a hot new trend within the wedding business. …[T]hese intimate photo shoots take place in newlyweds' bedrooms or even the hotels where they've spent their first night as husband and wife.

see more This is Photobomb

'I heard Indian people eat with their hands still': Oprah faces backlash in India over dinner remarks

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2178765/Oprah-Winfrey-draws-India-remark-people-eat-hands.html

Oprah Winfrey may be known for her favourite things, but eating with her hands is clearly not one of them.

The queen of talk, 58, has ignited uproar in India after she is heard asking whether Indian people still 'eat with their hands.'

The controversial comment came as she sat down to dine with the Somani family in Mumbai.

The excellent Dilbert
http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2012-08-23/

http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2012-08-22/

POPBITCH - http://www.popbitch.com/home/2012/07/26/goat-on-a-rope/
-----------------------------------------------
Nicole Scherzinger's personal trainer says
"Eat nothing white after 6pm".
-----------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------
The girl's name with the biggest jump in
popularity in the US in 2011 was Briella.
Possibly after a hairdresser in a reality
TV show called Glam Fairy.
----------------------------------------------

HOW TO SELL ON EBAY
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Topman-Mens-Shirt-Brown-Graphic-Size-M-Cotton-/390434995209?pt=UK_Men_s_Tops_Casual_Shirts&hash=item5ae7bd3c09#ht_500wt_949

Popular Tongue Twisters

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper Picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

She sells seashells by the seashore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
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Red lorry, yellow lorry.

Which wristwatches are Swiss wristwatches?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
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http://www.fun-with-words.com/tong_example.html

Drunk Man Catches Wife Sexting, Confers With Cats, Then Wakes Her Up With Handgun

http://gawker.com/5937485/drunk-man-catches-wife-sexting-confers-with-cats-then-wakes-her-up-with-handgun

Louis Peitzman

There is nothing not weird and wonderful about this crime story out of Oregon. It involves drinking, sexting, and getting stoned while talking to cats.

And no one was injured, so we can all enjoy it guilt-free.

Thomas Paul Nunes, husband of former Oregon City police lieutenant Lisa Nunes, already had some trouble with guns. In 1995, he got drunk and stole a couple of his wife's shotguns for some aimless shooting. Thomas lost his eye when police returned fire, but somehow his marriage remained intact.

Things deteriorated over the years, however, culminating in a bizarre incident on June 23. Three weeks after Lisa's retirement from the force, the on-the-rocks couple decided to go out drinking. While bar-hopping, Lisa started getting dick pics and other sexts from a friend.

I'm 54 years old. I have a relationship with my husband that's non-existent ... I was just sexting a guy. It was no big deal.

But it was a big deal to Thomas, who said he felt "betrayed" that his wife was sexting right in front of him. And really, who wouldn't? The way he chose to handle it, though, is not so defensible.

Thomas grabbed his wife's phone and took it home, where he pored over her texts. Then he went through her Facebook to see if any attractive young men were poking her. At this point, we arrive at the article's high point, pun fully intended—

Shaken, [Thomas] said he smoked marijuana and talked to his cats for about 20 minutes to calm himself and "reason out a plan."

If you're thinking about doing something stupid, do not turn to your cats for answers. They will not talk you out of it.

Hours later, Thomas found his wife sleeping in the guest room and decided to wake her up. That's his story — it's possible he was just drunk, baked, and a terrible shot. But the bullet ended up a full foot above Lisa's head, so the "I meant to do that" defense is somewhat reasonable. Still a terrible way to wake someone up.

Then came his one smart move: Thomas decided to turn the gun over to the Oregon Police Department.

But he bungled that by entering the police station with the weapon concealed, strapped to his ankle. That is a bad idea for anyone, but especially for someone who was previously involved in a gunfight with police.

"The mind is boggled," Judge Kathie F. Steele said. Boggled — but also kind of amused, right?

Thomas has been sentenced to 10 years in prison. Lisa filed for divorce a week after the incident. She was not charged with anything, because sexting is not a crime.

The Nunes' cats were unavailable for comment.

Spanish fresco restoration botched by amateur

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19349921?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

Is a bird in the hand really worth two in the bush?

2012-08-17T05:53:00.002-07:00

What people are searching to get onto this blog.

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Thanks For Nothing

An ambulance was called to the aid of James Ritchie, thirty,
who was lying injured on a road outside Odell, Illinois. As it
arrived on the scene, the ambulance skidded on the snow-covered
roadway, then struck and killed Ritchie. UPI

http://gawker.com/5935102/thoughtful-pimp-explains-rules-2-da-game-of-hoez

Thoughtful Pimp Explains ‘Rules 2 da Game of Hoez’

1) Alwayz make them need and depend on you so you have power over them. (Power is control)

2) Make them understand that you don't need them they need you, they are replaceable. Never let them no if you need them deep down inside.

3) Never let no1 get away with sneakin anything cause once they feel they can get away they will alwayz scheme.

4) No matter how much you like or care for 1 or any of them, don't trust none of them. (Like Scarface, who do I trust?? Me that's who..)

5) Alwayz stay 2 step's ahead of the game you have them playin..

6) Don't let them no all your Plan's. But alwayz try 2 no there's.

7) Make sure you own there mind's, body's, and soul's. (N test it out every often 2 make sure.)

8) Keep your bi[?] on the low as possible when it come's 2 family and hater's. (cause you can't trust none of them)

9) Alwayz try 2 no whatz goin on..(Make them tell on each other)

10) Give respect when respect's due..(Follow these rules and you should b gucci.)

deal of the day

Full body armour.
Great for parties, business meetings, gardening, down the gym, or just lazing around the house.

Be the envy of your friends in polished steel attire.

£750 off RRP. Sword not included.

http://www.theknightshop.co.uk/catalog/lancelot-suit-armour-p-3159.html

A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/a-bird-in-the-hand.html

Meaning

It's better to have a lesser but certain advantage than the possibility of a greater one that may come to nothing.

Origin

This proverb refers back to mediaeval falconry where a bird in the hand (the falcon) was a valuable asset and certainly worth more than two in the bush (the prey).

The first citation of the expression in print in its currently used form is found in John Ray's A Hand-book of Proverbs, 1670, in which he lists it as:

A [also 'one'] bird in the hand is worth two in the bush

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7979369/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A Pennsylvania man accidentally called 911 in the midst of a drug deal, allowing dispatchers to listen in on the entire transaction and send police to arrest him. Officers arrived to find Justin Kryzanowski, 24, with pockets full of drugs, syringes and paraphernalia -- as well as the phone, the line still open to 911. The phone call recorded everything, police say, including Kryzanowski's own arrest at his home in Scranton. "Good stuff on there," David Hahn, the Emergency Services Director in Lakawana County told Mail Online. "I mean, these guys aren't brain surgeons, if you know what I mean. You can even hear the police knocking at the door." The Scranton Times-Tribune reports that dispatchers tracked the phone call to a car near Kryzanowski's home, where he was making a drug deal with a man called Rick' - The Daily Mail.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19206924

X-ray reveals drunk tourist sleeping on baggage belt at Rome airport

A Norwegian tourist has been caught on X-ray sleeping on a moving baggage belt at Rome's Fiumicino airport.

The unnamed 36 year-old man reportedly climbed over one of the check-in desks and fell asleep on the belt that takes luggage to be loaded on to planes.

When the belt started moving, he travelled for around 50m curled up in the foetal position.

He apparently remained asleep after staff spotted him in the X-ray machine, stopped the belt and alerted police.

The tourist, who appeared to have been drinking heavily, will now face charges in relation to the incident according to Italy's La Repubblica newspaper.

The incident has raised questions about security at the airport, but a police spokesperson told the paper that the man could not have got through to secure areas of the airport.

"There is a security system - a sort of roll-up blind - which can only be opened by the member of staff who loads the baggage," the officer said.

"[The Norwegian] could have carried on going round the main belt but he could never have ended up in sensitive areas of the airport."

see more This is Photobomb

A Little Gas

A Dutch veterinarian was fined 600 guilders (about $240)
for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde,
the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer
that his cow was passing flatulent gas; to demonstrate, the
vet ignited the gas, but the cow became a "four-legged
flame-thrower" and ran wild, setting fire to bales of hay.
Damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000. The cow was
unharmed. AP

http://www.popbitch.com/home/2012/07/12/john-terrys-bike/

Fifty Shades of Grey generator
http://www.fiftyshadesgenerator.com/

see more Memebase and check out our Troll Face lols!

'Face of Jesus Christ' spotted on tree stump

The 'face of Jesus Christ' has been spotted in the middle of a tree trunk and is beginning to attract a large number of visitors in Northern Ireland.

Christ mask tree: An 'apparition' looking like the face of Jesus has appeared in Belfast City Cemetery (Picture: Alamy)

Crowds are flocking to Belfast City Cemetery to catch a glimpse of the ghostly image in a tree, originally cut down two years ago.

Graveyard workers have been left stumped by the mystery and say they have spotted several people praying by the apparition which appeared earlier this week.

One worker believes it won't be long before the cemetery 'becomes like Knock’, the site of a famous 1879 apparition from Our Lady still visited by thousands of pilgrims every year

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/908123-face-of-jesus-christ-spotted-on-tree-stump#ixzz23Q9997H1

WAIT THERE IS MORE JESUS
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/628745-top-five-unexpected-appearances-of-jesus

see more Derp

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7988860/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'German authorities are hunting high and low for a kangaroo that escaped from an animal park near Frankfurt, with the help of a fox and wild boar. Three kangaroos named Skippy, Jack and Mick on Saturday night bounded through a hole in the fence of their enclosure made by a helpful fox, Michael Hoffmann, deputy head of the animal park near Frankfurt, said. One unadventurously stayed within the park grounds and was swiftly recaptured.

'The other two scrabbled to freedom through a hole dug by a wild boar under the park's exterior barriers. Vets snared one of the refugee pair after a long chase, Mr Hoffmann said, but the third had proved harder to track down. The animal is no danger to the public, stressed Mr Hoffmann. "He's super friendly, super nice. Absolutely no danger at all." There have been several sightings of the kangaroo still at large but he has managed to stay one hop ahead of authorities. He feeds on vegetables and grasses, so should find plenty to forage, said Mr Hoffmann' - The Daily Telegraph.

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IT'S MAD I TELL YOU
Fancy 30 minutes of audio madness created under the name of comedy, then check the link below
I can guarantee it will be like nothing you have heard before (unless you have heard previous episodes)
Hosks Half Hour - Episode 86 - Cat leads to peadophile arrest

http://hoskshalfhour.blogspot.co.uk/2010/08/hosks-half-hour-episode-86-cat-leads-to.html

see more This is Photobomb

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7995762/Mediawatch
Headline Of The Day
'Chas & Dave can be a hit' - The Daily Mirror on David Moyes bidding for Charlie Adam.

Worst Headline Of The Day
'Lamp still Berne-ing' - The Sun. Frank Lampard played in Berne, you see.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Soul crooner Barry White has been helping a group of Chilean flamingos at a Sussex zoo mate after his songs were piped into their enclosure at night. The Walrus of Love's classic hits such as I Can't Get Enough of Your Love, Babe and You're the First, the Last, My Everything, were played to the creature to help romance blossom. It seems to have done the trick as two of the birds, Maurice and Gabriella, have hatched a chick.

'The new addition to Drusillas Park in Alfriston will be a much-welcomed one as flamingos are a threatened species, with water pollution and human activity near breeding sites driving down the population. The latest addition is the first successful flamingo hatching at Drusillas Park since 2009. Zoo manager Sue Woodgate said: 'We are absolutely delighted with the progress of the flamingo chick. 'I was lucky enough to be at the enclosure when it hatched. The keepers and I were so excited to see the little grey flamingo emerge from its shell under the watchful eye of its parents.' Keepers at the zoo are hoping for another baby, as the flamingos are sitting on a further three eggs which could hatch in up to three weeks following a 27 to 31-day incubation period' - Metro.

http://mashable.com/2012/08/16/craigslist-pontiac-ad/

It's not what you do but the way that you do it

2012-08-10T03:49:00.002-07:00

Lets start with some terrible Dad jokes and add "of all time" at the end to make you think they are better than they are

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/revealed-the-50-funniest-jokes-of-all-time-1073425

TOP 50 JOKES OF ALL TIME

50 I went to the doctors the other day and he said: "Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu."

So I went - and I got it.

49 A seal walks into a club...

48 Went to the corner shop - bought four corners.

47 So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants. It was Wedgie Kray.

46 I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything - trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

45 I tried water polo but my horse drowned.

44 A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and says: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

43 You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a Catholic converter.

42 I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags. He's bisatchel.

41 Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

40 I said to this train driver: "I want to go to Paris." He said: "Eurostar?" I said: "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin."

39 My phone will ring at 2am and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?" I say, "I don't know. If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone."

38 A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train load of terrapins. What a turtle disaster.

37 I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts". Well, YES. That's what I bought them for. You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out.

36 I backed a horse last week at 10 to one. It came in at quarter past four.

35 I went down to my local supermarket and I said: "I want to make a complaint. This vinegar's got lumps in it". He said: "Those are pickled onions."

34 A man entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in 10 different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in 10 did.

33 I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

32 Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: "Oi - get out. We don't want your type in here."

31 I'm in a Chinese restaurant and this duck comes up with a red rose and says: "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds." I said: "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck."

30 I'm in a great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a year's supply of Marmite - one jar.

29 I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said: "Are you two an item?"

28 A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their tournament victories. After an hour, the manager came out and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

27 Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

26 I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

25 I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up and said: "Did you get my drift?"

24 A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

23 A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says: "Is this some kind of joke?"

22 Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace.

21 A jumplead walks into a bar. The barman says: "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

20 I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up for a date but she'd popped her clogs.

19 I rang up BT. I said: "I want to report a nuisance caller." He said: "Not you again."

18 "My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that."

17 When Susan's boyfriend proposed, she said: "I love the simple things in life but I don't want one of them for my husband."

16 I went to buy camouflage trousers but I couldn't find any.

15 Two fish in a tank. One says: "How do you drive this thing?"

14 A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

13 I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

12 My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

11 Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.

10 A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

9 I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.

8 "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home." He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" I asked. "It's not unusual," he replied.

7 Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

6 Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

5 A classic from Tommy Cooper - I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

4 A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

3 A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

2 Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

1 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Find a beer festival near you
http://www.camra.org.uk

and we can see if we can get the UK to the top of the list below

List of countries by alcohol consumption
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_alcohol_consumption

Remembering the Most Uninspiring Olympics Performance Ever

http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/remembering-most-uninspiring-olympics-performance-ever/

Brilliant Comedian Jim Gaffigan

Celebrity name changes

Cheryl Cole to Cheryl
Snoop Dogg to Snoop Lion
Prince to unpronounceable symbol (then back to Prince)
Katy Hudson to Katy Perry
Lizzie Grant to Lana Del Rey
Puff Daddy to P Diddy

Bear family consumes 100 cans of beer

JARFJORD, Norway, Aug. 9 (UPI) -- A mama bear and her three cubs are suspected of breaking into a cabin in northern Norway and knocking back more than 100 cans of beer, officials said.

"They had a hell of a party in there," cabin owner Even Borthen Nilsen told NRK. "The cabin has the stench of a right old piss up, trash and bears."

The bear family is believed to have ripped a wall off of the cabin to gain entry, The Local.no reported.

"The entire cabin was destroyed," Nilsen told the local Finnmarken.no daily.

"The beds and all kitchen appliances, stove, oven and cupboards and shelves were all smashed to pieces," Nilsen said, adding his mother and grandmother made the discovery when the arrived at the cabin in Jarfjord.

The bears also consumed every morsel in the cabin to include marshmallows, honey and chocolate spread.

Nilsen fears the bears' pay dirt could lead them to return to the area.

"The mother has taken her young there, thus there is no guarantee that it won't happen to other cabins or to our hut again," he said.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2012/08/09/Bear-family-consumes-100-cans-of-beer/UPI-11851344542458/#ixzz238dhGSOv

see more This is Photobomb

CONFIRMATION THAT SCIENTISTS ARE PERVERTS
7 Studies That Only Proved That Scientists Are Perverts

Read more: 7 Studies That Only Proved That Scientists Are Perverts | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_19961_7-studies-that-only-proved-that-scientists-are-perverts_p2.html#ixzz238bweiN5

#6. Johann Wilhelm Ritter and His Battery

Getty

The invention of the world's first electric battery, the voltaic pile, in 1800 was a monumentally historic event. For the first time, people had captured electricity and were free to study its effects and potential. One of those people was Johann Wilhelm Ritter. However, rather than using it to invent something awesome, such as the light bulb, Ritter used the voltaic pile to apply current to sensitive areas of his body, including his nasal cavity, tongue and eyes, because that was evidently the absolute best idea he could come up with. Clearly, programming Karnov 187 years early would have been the superior idea.

kobayashisdomain.blogspot.com
And probably more sexually satisfying.

The Perverted Bit:

Determined to follow this line of thought until the bitter end, Ritter decided to electro-blast his yogurt cannon, possibly because he was known to be an eccentric who tap-danced on the borderline of crazy.

He wrapped his dong up in "a cloth moistened with lukewarm milk" (you know, because), then touched a charged wire from the battery onto the cloth. After a bit of a jolt, his penis started to swell. Rather than hurling the cloth out of the window for fear of penile explosion, he kept it firmly applied until he experienced the most terrifying orgasm of all time (we're calling shotgun on that premise so we can pitch it to Stephen King).

We'd call it a page-turner, but honestly, most of them are stuck together.

Showing all the measured reserve of a 10-year-old boy discovering nudity, Ritter began frequently zapping himself, going so far as to jokingly write to his publisher that he intended to marry the voltaic pile (given what we've just learned, we are in no way surprised that actual women were less than excited to have sex with him).

After a while, Ritter began experiencing some nasty side effects, including muscle spasms and paralysis, all over his body (his boner, while arguably his favorite place to electrocute, was by no means the only area of his anatomy that he attached to the battery). Rather than discontinue his "experiments," which by this point seemed to have no higher academic pursuit beyond trying to turn himself into a Spider-Man villain, Ritter would self-medicate with opium to keep the discomfort at bay, leaving him free to play with his masturbattery until the end of time. Or at least until he died at 33 from tuberculosis augmented by a deteriorating physical frailty, which a regime of drug use and constant electric shocks certainly did nothing to help.

Read more: 7 Studies That Only Proved That Scientists Are Perverts | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/article_19961_7-studies-that-only-proved-that-scientists-are-perverts.html#ixzz238cgrgxq
Odd facts about the olmypics
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-19047586

see more This is Photobomb
http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7970331/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Nothing says "I love you" more than a Valentine's Day card made from pulped elephant faeces. Card maker Vijender Shekhawat is hoping his unique format of romantic missive will take the market by storm. His company Haathi Chaap (Elephant Stamp) plans to process 30 tons of dung every month to make a special paper from the grass and leaf fibres that pass through the elephants' system without being digested. The pulp produces a high quality, unique paper which can be used for any style of greeting card.

"Elephants' gastrointestinal tract cannot digest fibres well. About 40 per cent of everything goes through untouched but softened and pre-pulped. "As a result, their dung makes fantastic paper when it is pressed and processed," explains Vijender. Crucially for the potential buyers and receivers the cards do not smell. "People always worry about the smell, but believe me the cards smell as sweet as any other Valentine's Day cards on the market," added Vijender' -Orange.

see more This is Photobomb

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7973293/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
A US teen has been forced to apologise to his fellow passengers after cutting in line while boarding a flight. Mac Breedlove was flying on Southwest Airlines with his lacrosse team when he tried to board the plane early by cutting in the early-boarding line. However, the eagle-eyed coaches travelling with the team spotted him and made him apologise to his fellow flyers over the PA system. In a video obtained by CBS News, the teen can be heard saying 'oh come on' before his coach made him read out a scripted apology.

'During the boarding process, I took advantage of this airline's kindness,' Breedlove read. 'I hope you will all find it in your hearts to forgive me, for I am just a young man that thinks I'm smarter than I am. Enjoy your flight, and remember to fly Southwest, because they let my coach do this to me.'
And while commentators' views on whether or not the punishment was too severe differ, it seems that Mac saw the funny side as he has posted a link to the story on his Twitter feed' -Metro.

see more This is Photobomb

Edit Google Maps!

http://www.google.com/mapmaker

I didn't know this but you can edit google maps and add in shops, pubs, restaurants etc. So make sure you local area is up to date.

see more This is Photobomb

Amusing sign on Google Maps
https://maps.google.co.uk/maps?q=fanny+hands+lane&hl=en&ll=53.383295,-0.204765&spn=0.000981,0.00284&sll=52.8382,-2.327815&sspn=8.139296,23.269043&t=h&hnear=Fanny+Hands+Ln&z=19&layer=c&cbll=53.383372,-0.204851&panoid=eZp0SkPQzQ7OiVgps-bs7g&cbp=12,214.31,,0,22.52

a new comedian I found this week Louis CK - Hilarious - Part 7 - The Way We Talk

Can You Fake Mental Illness?

How forensic psychologists can tell whether someone is malingering

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/science/2012/08/faking_insanity_forensic_psychologists_detect_signs_of_malingering_.html

Funny Pictures

Stressed men drawn to heavy women

When placed under stressful situations, men rate larger women as more attractive, new research has shown.

British researchers found that men exposed to tasks that were designed to put them under pressure preferred a wider range of female body sizes.

read the whole article here
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-19180983

Plane crash from inside the cockpit
start watching from about 2.44

Olympic opening was 'secret Satanic ritual'
Former footballer turned TV host David Icke claims the London 2012 opening ceremony was a secret Satanic ritual.
http://oran.ge/QhRaJD

Former footballer turned TV host David Icke claims the London 2012 opening ceremony was a secret Satanic ritual.

The ex-Coventry City goalkeeper and snooker host shocked Britain in 1991 when he announced he was the son of God and predicting that the world would end in 1997.

Now he has resurfaced to insist that Danny Boyle's spectacular was a "mass satanic ritual disguised as a celebration of Britain and sport".

Writing on website TheTruthIsNow.com, Icke - a key BBC presenter during the 1988 Olympics - claimed the giant bell rung by cyclist Bradley Wiggins during the ceremony was tuned to a frequency which could be heard by a group of Satanists who secretly rule the world.

Icke believes the devil-worshippers are shape-shifting lizards who are descended from a reptile race from the Drago constellation.

He explained: "The opening and closing ceremonies of the London Olympics are mass satanic rituals disguised as a celebration of Britain and sport.

"Their medium is the language of symbolism... The Olympic Stadium is also strategically placed on the earth-energy grid to tap into that power on the Global Cabal's own satanic frequencies or vibrations.

"The enormous Olympic bell, the biggest harmonically-tuned bell in the world made specially for the opening ceremony, is designed to dictate that frequency right at the start."

And on his own website, DavidIcke.com, he called the Opening Ceremony which delighted billions across the globe a "vile, inhumane Satanic ritual" which was held on a key day in the devil-worship calendar.

Icke has sold thousands of books claiming "humanity is actually under the control of dinosaur-like alien reptiles called the Babylon Brotherhood who must consume human blood to maintain their human appearance".

Golden Saturday

Football strip
Sun-day league footballer Rafi Bohl's team number has made a lasting impression on him - after he burned it into his skin during a massive sunbathing session.
http://oran.ge/QAgzyj

Sun-day league footballer Rafi Bohl's team number has made a lasting impression on him - after he burned it into his skin during a massive sunbathing session.

Rafi, 27 - from Thurgau, Switzerland - used gaffa tape to put '15' on his chest and then sat out in the Majorca sun for a whole day until the number had been branded onto his skin.

"It's my football team number so if I every forget my shirt, I'm sorted," he said.

Pal Reto Junker, 26 - who branded "Sc***ing 69' on his back and bottom - added: "We could hardly sit down afterwards."

Dad makes rollercoster

Sex doll relaxes speeders
A blow-up sex doll is being used as a new form of traffic calming measure in China.
http://oran.ge/Q2FTZH

A blow-up sex doll is being used as a new form of traffic calming measure in China.

Annoyed that local police were not catching speeding motorists outside her home in Ningbo, Lin Chen took matters into her own hands.

The 67-year-old bought a blow up sex doll and dressed in sexy red underwear to make motorists slow down to get a better look.

"There are a set of traffic lights near my house and the cars just shoot through them as fast as they can. It's very dangerous," explained Chen.

"The police aren't interested so I bought this doll and tied it to the tree.

"I thought that drivers would slow down if I could give them something worth looking it," she added.

Police admit that accident figures have dropped since Chen made the dummy.

"It isn't a method we would use, but we can't say it isn't working," said a spokesman.

http://www.dailytorygraph.com/2012/08/07/golden-saturday/img_0264/

5 Simple Things That Every Bad Cook Does Wrong

Read more: 5 Simple Things That Every Bad Cook Does Wrong | Cracked.com http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-simple-things-that-every-bad-cook-does-wrong/#ixzz238atSpmn

http://cheezburger.com/6491229184

http://cheezburger.com/6489002752

Funny Pictures

Hosks Friday Fun - You are Gold, GOOOOLDDD

2012-08-03T08:15:00.000-07:00

What Olympic athlete are you most like
It's so much fun it was described to me as "better than your porn name"
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19050139

Lets explode a big egg, YEAH

Google Street view Ascii style

it's a bit like the matrix or should I say dot matrix
http://tllabs.io/asciistreetview/

try not to smile or laugh when a baby does, go on I dare you

and if you didn't laugh you get, nothing, which is exactly what you deserve you miserable git.

CHEEKY GAME
can you last 60 seconds
http://www.yanmania.com/games/sixty_second_search/

Scottish Sheep Farmer

A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around, and instead will lie down, and wallow in the grass, when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, then goes to  bed.

Next morning,he wakes and looks out at the sheep.  Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for goodmeasure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standingaround.

"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive  them out to the woods.

He spends all day shagging the sheep, and upon  returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No,"she says, "They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the  horn

Harry Hill: BBC Three is "the biggest wind-up"

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7950382/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Just in time for the Olympics, Scottish firm Brewdog has unveiled its very own 'performance-enhancing ale' named Never Mind the Anabolics. The award-winning brewers will officially launch the 6.5% India Pale Ale on Saturday in opposition to the 'shallow corporate sponsorship' of the Games. Containing an array of banned Olympic substances, the limited edition beer will be available on draught at all Brewdog pubs and also sold in bottle online.

'BrewDog has today unveiled a limited edition beer it hopes will undermine global sponsorship deals for this summer's games, called Never Mind the Anabolics,' the brewer said in a statement. 'Designed to 'unmask the corporate beast' of the world's biggest sporting event and highlight the shallow nature of sponsorship, the new beer contains creatine, guarana, lycii berries, kola nut, Gingko, matcha tea, maca powder and steroids - all of which are banned for professional athletes' - Metro.

You Have to Watch U.S. Gymnast Aly Raisman’s Hilarious Parents React to Her Bar Routine

http://gawker.com/5930003/you-have-to-watch-us-gymnast-aly-raismans-hilarious-parents-react-to-her-bar-routine?utm_campaign=socialflow_gawker_twitter&utm_source=gawker_twitter&utm_medium=socialflow

Farmer tramples seven police cars in tractor rampage after drug arrest

An irate farmer trampled seven police cars with his tractor in a revenge attack on authorities following a previous arrest for drug possession.

Seven police cars were destroyed by the tractor (Picture: Vermont State Police)

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/907298-farmer-tramples-seven-police-cars-in-tractor-rampage-after-drug-arrest#ixzz22UoTAg3u

Mcglashan Absolutely
Classic comedy from the 90's I think

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7959565/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'They normally deal with some of the grottiest aspects of human life. But bin men have had their meal times disturbed after someone heated human excrement in a microwave oven. The soiled machine was targeted in a communal kitchen in Brighton and Hove City Council 's Hollingdean depot. Bosses have said they are taking the matter "very seriously" and are urging their refuse and recycling workers to help them catch the culprit. But staff at the depot are still bemused by the incident and are referring to it as "Workforce Update 28" - the council's vague title for what happened' - The Argus.

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7954673/Mediawatch
Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'Bizarre email scam involves horse, lard and sex toy death' - The Irish Examiner.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Talk about a getting a woolly reception. Shocked commuters couldn't believe their eyes when a man tried to board a rush-hour train with his pet sheep in tow. But the mystery traveller was stopped from riding when a guard reminded him that livestock can not travel on public transport. The man then tried to pull the wool over the eyes of a bus driver by trying to catch a ride. Again he was booted off and was heard bleating: 'I'll have to walk home.' Passengers posted pictures of the man and his sheep on Twitter as they tried to board a train in Wimbledon, south London.

'The pair were later photographed 6.5km (four miles) away in New Malden where they tried to catch a bus to Kingston-upon-Thames on Monday. Commuter Adrian Harris spoke to the grey-haired man and said: 'He didn't think it was odd having a sheep with him. He was annoyed he couldn't get on public transport to take him home.' Naomi Mary Smith, who took photos of the man at a bus stop, added: 'This is unbelievable.' National Rail and London United bus service said livestock - including pigs, sheep and goats - can not ride on trains or buses' - Metro.

FROM THE AMAZING B3ta - http://b3ta.com
: QUESTION OF THE WEEK
Burning in Hell

Last week we asked you to confess the reason
you'd burn in hell when the last trump called.
A surprising number of these involve Down's
Syndrome:
http://b3ta.com/questions/burninhell/

* F.A.B. - "I decided to have a 15-minute break
from work, after dealing with some complaints,
to get some fresh air. As I was milling about
in the car park, one of the local
automated-wheelchair driving women pulled up in
her modded people carrier. She parks not too
far from me, presses a few buttons and her car
starts to slide open, revealing a side-lift.
She rolls on, presses another button and slowly
begins her descent. Nowt really funny about
this tbh... until another worker passed by. His
mobile went off. And played, as loud as you
like, the fucking Thunderbirds theme tune. I
nearly asphyxiated. She wasn't impressed."
(Jeccius)

* FINGER - "The sun was blazing off the
windscreens of passing cars, the sky was clear,
it was a good day to be driving on our fair
nation's motorways. Ahead of me was a coach,
the kind used to ferry airport-goers and the
elderly, in the middle lane. As I came to
overtake, I saw a fairly familiar sight: a
bunch of school kids leering out the back
window, exercising their wrists in a manner
designed to imply that I was a wanker. I'm an
easy-going, devil- may-care kind of guy, but
that glorious day I was having none of it. So,
as I approached I extended my left arm, keeping
my eyes of the road of course, and delivered a
steady and determined middle finger that Johnny
Cash would have been proud of. As I passed, I
glanced upward at its steamed windows, to see a
group of smiling children with Down's waving
excitedly at me... My attempt to morph my bird
into a reciprocated wave was the epitome of
patheticness. Funny how wrong you can be with
the sun in your eyes." (Jimtastic)

* IKEA - "I once ordered a lemonade at a cafe
in an IKEA. They gave me the cup at the
check-out to serve myself from the dispenser. I
put in some ice and filled my plastic 500ml cup
with soft drink mix. Unfortunately, I filled it
too close to the brim for easy transportation.
I took a couple of refreshing sips to lower the
level in the cup. At this point I could have
just walked away. Some nights I lie in bed
racked with remorse asking again and again:
'Why? Why didn't I just walk away?' But a
horrible plan had formed, driven by all-
consuming greed. I didn't care who I destroyed,
how many laws I broke. I checked the ladies at
the register. Busy. I looked up. No CCTV. My
heart pounding, I returned and TOPPED UP MY
DRINK AGAIN WITH MORE LEMONADE THAN I HAD PAID
FOR. Exiting rather too quickly I spilled a
little, probably losing more than I had
illegally gained. Even in my car I wasn't safe
until at least a few miles away. The drinks
holder was too small for the cup, so I drank
the whole thing too quickly to really enjoy it.
It's a crime I've had to live with for the rest
of my days. I never went back to that IKEA
again. I can't; the risk is too great. I'd
gambled and won, but if they recognised me, I
could lose everything." (cumquat may)

see more This is Photobomb

Woman's topless fight for equality

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Womans_topless_fight_for_equality

A New York woman who spends her days walking around the city topless says she's fighting for equality.

Moira Johnston, 29, a topless dancer from Philadelphia, says she is exercising her legal right to take off her shirt.

She became a bare breast activist after she was banned from a yoga studio after going topless in class, something men were freely doing.

Since May, she has been seen strolling around the city's East Village topless to remind women that, under New York law, they have the right to bare their chests, just like men.

Ms Johnston says many people are unaware of that right - including the New York Police Department, which arrested her in May. She was later released without charge.

"I want women to know their rights and to give them the courage to go topless too," she told The Daily Beast.

"It's not that I want everyone to take off their shirt, but I'm supporting a woman's choice to do it and think every woman should do it on her own terms."

Fun with Shadows from photobomb

see more This is Photobomb

Reading 50 shades so you don't have to

Hosk's Friday Fun - Episode 2 - No mention of the Olympics edition

2012-07-27T07:39:00.001-07:00

This weeks links, pictures and videos which have come my way

b3ta warlords greatness, http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue520/

if the picture doesn't show, look here http://www.b3tards.com/u/037e58b9e054b3c8dd7b/theatreofwasmall.jpg

Clever thoughts from beta - http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue520/

: THREE THINGS WE'VE LEARNED THIS WEEK
Learn from us, wise grey-bearded B3tans

* If TV reflected real life, East Enders would
just be couples using separate laptops and
occasionally muttering. "What did you say?"
"Nothing"

* Twitter is a conspiracy to record our stupid
comments so that if we ever gain power we can
be hung by our own words

* Flicking Vs and waving a potato peeler is a
particularly ineffectual way of getting the
neighbours cat to go away

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7934594/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A Canadian man accidentally shot himself in the forehead while trying to kill a mouse with the butt of his rifle. Dale Whitmell, 40, of Goulais River, tried to crush the rodent with his weapon at a camp near Wawa, Ontario, but didn't know the gun was loaded. He got quite a shock when the gun fired, with the bullet grazing his forehead but luckily not causing serious injury. Police say Mr Whitmell was admitted to and released from the hospital, before being charged with careless use of a firearm. A spokesperson said: "He was very lucky." It's not known what happened to the mouse' - Orange

CLAM Sighted on Kitchen table

City announces plans to get rid of pesky pigeons by getting them drunk

A Ukrainian city blighted by pesky pigeons is mulling over radical plans to get the birds drunk on wine before deporting them.

According to local news reports, they have been particularly irked by the large amount of bird droppings falling on a statue of famous Ukrainian poet Taras Shevchenko.

The problem has been magnified by Sumy's upcoming prestigious City Day celebrations, which take place across the country to remember the day each city across Ukraine was founded.

Eager for the city to look its best, desperate official Alexei Movchan believes he has found the perfect solution to Sumy's pigeon problem.

'Let’s give them wine-soaked bread and then deport them somewhere where they’ll wake up the next day,' announced Movchan, who heads the city branch of the ruling Party of Regions.

Movchan denied the controversial move would infringe animal rights groups, insisting it is a tried and tested custom practised regularly by an Orthodox Christian monastery in west Ukraine.

Sumy, founded in 1652, will celebrate its City Day on September 2.

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/906241-city-announces-plans-to-get-rid-of-pesky-pigeons-by-getting-them-drunk#ixzz21oHxmRz7

How could you do this Kirsten

this is her reaction to watching the twilight trailer

Squirrels disrupt beach volleyball

Olympic beach volleyball players have come across an unexpected handicap - squirrels burying their nuts on their courts.

The rodents have been burying beechnuts and acorns on six sandy practice courts at London's St James's Park.

And bikini-clad players have been left grimacing as they land barefoot on the squirrel snacks.

Groundsmen now have to rake the sand before practice sessions, reports The Sun.

Six courts, two warm-up courts and a hospitality lounge have been created in the leafy lakeside park close to Buckingham Palace.

The 15,000-seat main competition arena in nearby Horseguards Parade has not been affected.

A London 2012 source told the newspaper: "It's nuts but true. It seems squirrels have been invading the courts and either hiding or dropping their nuts.

"But it won't affect the competition because the sand is regularly raked."

Funny Death Scenes

Who What Why: How do flying ants know it's their one day a year to mate?

see more This is Photobomb

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7939357/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'Police in Devon are asking for help in finding a bus passenger who caused £200 worth of damage by eating his seat - or at least a chunk of it. The young man was travelling on the bus in Paignton, on the English riviera, when he was apparently seized by an attack of hunger or boredom and began biting the leather seat. It is not entirely clear whether he swallowed the hunk of seat or spat it out but CCTV footage caught the suspect gripping a bottle of fizzy drink, which he might have used to wash it down. Devon and Cornwall police have chewed over the evidence since the incident on 25 May but have drawn a blank, so have released a CCTV still of their chief suspect to help track him down.

'A police spokesman summed the crime up: "While travelling between Paignton and Torquay on a number 12 bus, a male passenger started chewing the leather seat he was sat on and continued to pick at the hole with his hand to make further damage. Around £200 of damage was caused." The suspect is described as male, in his late teens to early 20s, 5ft 9ins and (perhaps not surprisingly) of stocky build. He has short dark hair and was wearing a dark coloured T-shirt and light jeans. The bus operator Stagecoach's conditions of carriage asks passengers to "refrain from eating and drinking items which make the environment unpleasant for other customers or otherwise cause offence". It does not address the question of eating bits of the bus' - The Guardian

What's behind the Rorschach inkblot test?

see more This is Photobomb

Termites' crystal backpacks help them go out with bang

By Nick CrumptonBBC News

Ageing workers assist soldiers in defending their colony

A species of termite has been found to inflict more damage on its enemies as it ages.

When defending their colony, some termites "explode", releasing chemicals that injure intruders.

A previously unknown crystal structure has been discovered that raises the toxicity of their chemical weapons.

As worker termites grow older, they become less able to perform their duties.

Yet this newly discovered structure allows ageing workers to better defend their colony. The research was published today in Science.

When faced with a threat, many termite species employ a type of altruistic suicide known as "autothysis" in order to deter attackers.

For the good of the colony

Many species of "eusocial" insects deploy suicide defence strategies
"Autothysis" is a special kind of suicide where an organism ruptures an organ
These ruptures release toxic compounds, killing the animal and injuring its target
Autothysis was first documented in carpenter ants from Borneo

In a few species, workers join "soldier" termites in the defence of their colony and perform these acts of suicidal defence.

However, a twist to this system has been discovered in a species from French Guiana.

"My PhD student, Thomas Bourguignon, was studying termite community ecology and collecting species when, casually, he found something really special," Prof Yves Roisin from the Free University of Brussels told BBC News.

By rupturing their bodies, Neocapritermes taracua release a toxic chemical that sticks to intruders, holding them fast and corroding their bodies.

"[Autothysis] is usually a one component system. The defensive secretions are stored in salivary glands, but in these species there is a 'backpack' with two crystals carried outside the body. When the termite bursts, the two mix together, producing the more toxic compounds," Prof Roisin explained.

The "backpacks" are formed from pouches on the outside of the body.

Defensive bombs

Although termite societies contain castes of "soldier" individuals with vastly enlarged mandibles that have evolved for the purpose of attacking intruders, workers can join fights and perform defensive suicides should the need arise.

The research shows that as workers in this species grow older and more incapable of performing other tasks, they store up crystals that produce a chemical reaction when mixed with glandular secretions. This increases the toxicity of their explosive defence mechanism.

Biologists believe it allows the ageing workers to become more "useful" to the colony as sacrificial, defensive bombs.

How the crystals are synthesised is, as yet, unknown. Also unknown is whether other species in the genus have evolved a similar backpack system.

"There are some five or six species in the genus, but it's the only species [that carries a backpack] we've seen so far," Professor Yves Roisin said.

"It's quite strange."

see more This is Photobomb
GIANT TOFFEE CRISP

Macrophilia refers to a fascination with or a sexual fantasy involving giants. Usually fantasies can either include the macrophile shrinking before a normal sized man or woman, or the macrophile keeping his or her normal height while their partner grows to often incredible heights.^[1]

DEEP INSIDE THE CHAIN PUB PISS DUNGEON

A strange tail of man sneaking in toilet to get pissed on!

see more This is Photobomb

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7931839/Mediawatch
Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An inflatable doll floating in a lake sparked a dramatic rescue mission involving 18 officers after police mistook it for a drowning woman. A team of police officers in Shandong province, China, rushed to the scene after receiving a call from a concerned witness about a lady in distress in one of the province's lakes. According to RocketNews24, the team of 18 officers spent over 40 minutes battling to retrieve the life-like doll and bring it to shore.

'The dramatic scenes attracted over 1,000 spectators according to local reports, with the large crowd blocking traffic and preventing rescue crews from reaching the scene. Officers were horrified to find when they finally managed to recover the body that they had in fact rescued an inflatable sex doll from the lake. A shocked crowd quickly dispersed from the scene following the astonishing scenes, with some spectators covering the eyes of younger children who had waited to watch the events unfold. Following the embarrassing rescue operation, officers said they were forced to act due to the toy's similar size and appearance to an adult female' -Metro.

Disciplining your Child, give him some hot sauce

Creepy Things London Did to Prepare for the Olympics

5. Surface-to-Air Missiles ... on Apartment Buildings

4. The Biggest Military Buildup in London Since World War II

3. Empty Roads for the Rich

2. Big Brother Is Watching You (You, Specifically)

1. Berlin Wall 2: Wall Harder

Friday Fun - I remember when July used to be summer

2012-07-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

This blog is made up from links from other blogs, I did nothing, MWHAHAHAAA

The video was sent to me with the classic pun -

Maybe he got bad reception

ANGRY MAN SMASHES UP T-MOBILE SHOP MANCHESTER (HIGH QUALITY 1080P) | CRAZY SHOCKING FOOTAGE

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7858892/Mediawatch
Misinterpretable Headline Of The Day
'Snatch of the day' - The Daily Mirror. It's about BT trying to poach Gary Lineker, but, you know...

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'An Indian man suffering from an irritated and itchy right eye was astonished when doctors found a five-inch-long worm living in his eye socket. The man, 75-year-old PK Krishnamurthy from Mumbai, had suffered discomfort for some time - and had been given medication in the hope that the misdiagnosed eye condition would clear up. But when Mr Krishnamurthy returned and complained that the condition was not improving, doctors decided to take a very close look. After a detailed examination medics in Mumbai found the worm behind his eyeball - and the stowaway was removed during minor surgery yesterday. Dr V Seetharaman, eye surgeon at Fortis Hospital in Mumbai, said: 'Mr Krishnamurthy was lucky the worm was found in time' - The Daily Mail.

Great Graduation Picture

The Author of Day of the Triffids and Chocky, he was born in Knowle! Read Day of the Triffids and read more about him below
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Wyndham

Cheeky

see more This is Photobomb

NEWS

How Barbie crushed Sindy

The furred sex

The French feminists fighting inequality with fake beards

Surely scientists have better things to do than this?
Soap bubble screen is 'the world's thinnest display'
Viewers may soon be able to watch films on soap bubbles - after researchers developed a technology to project images on a screen made of soap film.

see more This is Photobomb

http://www.football365.com/mediawatch/7861594/Mediawatch
Slightly Worrying Tweet Of The (Other) Day
'Just about to start 50 shades of grey. Let's see what all the fuss is about' - Titus Bramble.

Non-Football Advice Of The Day
"Never trust a fart" - Cyclist Marcel Kittel offers some shrewd words of wisdom after suffering 'stomach problems' during the Tour de France.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A foul-mouthed criminal has been banned from swearing in Wales... but not England. Arron Vaughan, 41, was handed the countrywide crasbo (criminal antisocial behaviour order) after he was caught being 'abusive, offensive, aggressive and insulting' in three shopping centres in Wales. His latest tirades were heard in Cardiff, Newport and Bridgend. Homeless Vaughan has racked up 32 convictions for public order offences and could now face five years in prison if he breaches the crasbo - imposed at Newport magistrates' court.

'PC Tony Molina, neighbourhood beat manager for Cardiff city centre, said Vaughan had refused alcoholism help. She added: 'Arron Vaughan can be abusive, offensive, aggressive and insulting to people if he feels that he is not getting his way. He will also get drunk and violent to gain people's attention and will walk aimlessly on roads, causing a danger to road-users. He has been offered support and assistance to address his behaviour and use of alcohol, but unfortunately he has refused to engage. We hope he takes the opportunity to change his behaviour and lifestyle.' Vaughan was not available for comment' - Metro.

see more epicfails

Fed up of 50 shades of grey why not try 50 Sheds of Grey
https://twitter.com/#!/50shedsofgrey

see more The Daily What

Football365 - mediawatch
'No Sh*t' Non-Football Headline Of The Day
'No evidence of mermaids, says US government' - BBC.co.uk.

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A DOPEY robber was caught after struggling to push open a door marked PULL in the shop he had just raided. James Allan, 28, had worn a balaclava while holding up a newsagent's with a toy gun. But he tore the hood off as he tried to figure out how to open the door - and his face was caught on CCTV. Shop manager Angela Croke had to let him out and he fled with £134. But he was caught by cops three hours later in the same street in Abingdon, Oxon, with the balaclava still in his pocket. A court heard the homeless junkie was put up to the raid by drug dealers he owed money to. David Rhodes, defending, said: "It was bumbling and incompetent. Mr Allan is pathetic rather than callous." Allan admitted robbery and possessing an imitation firearm. He was jailed for three years at Oxford Crown Court' - The Sun.

see more epicfails

The Curious world of long term bets

see more This is Photobomb

German mayor designates 'more challenging' parking spaces to men

A German mayor's controversial new parking policy has raised a few eyebrows after he designated the town's 'more challenging' parking space to male drivers.

A German mayor has unveiled new designated parking spaces for men

Mayor Gallus Strobel hit the headlines this week after unveiling the new car parking plan for motorists in the small German town of Triberg.

Under the new system, each space in the town's main car park been painted with a male or female symbol, depending on its difficulty rating.

While female drivers have been assigned wider and well-lit spaces located closer to the exit, male drivers will need to pull in at more difficult angles and avoid cement pillars.

The 58-year-old mayor wants to 'challenge political correctness' with his new policy, claiming the tight spaces will be an 'attraction' for ambitious drivers.

'Men are, as a rule, a little better at such challenges,' the 58-year-old told German newspaper Süddeutsche Zeitung.

Strobel has denied the new policy is sexist towards women, claiming he has received mostly positive feedback for his 'equal minded' new parking programme.

He added: 'Of course, there are also great women drivers! They are, of course, most welcome!'

The mayor also argues that the move has been good advertising for the town, while he has also been contacted by motorists interested in travelling

Couples compete in Wife Carrying World Championships

Couples from across the globe went head-to-head this weekend at the annual Wife Carrying World Championships in Finland.

Two smurfs compete in the Wife Carrying World Championship (Picture: EPA)

Taking on a 250 metre assault course, 34 teams headed to the Finnish outpost of Sonkajarvi to take part in the event, attended by an estimated 8,000 spectators.

Loving husbands travelled from countries including Australia, Russia and Estonia, to lend some much-needed support to their partners throughout the day.

The Wife Carrying Championship has been held in Sonkajaervi since 1992 (Picture: EPA)

Darth Vader and a team of smurfs were just some of the fancy dress costumes on display, as contestants navigated their way through neck-deep pools of water and obstacle-filled sand pits.

This year's championship was won by Finnish lawyer, Taisto Miettinen and his wife Kristiina Haapanen, who completed the course in one minute and 22 seconds.

Darth Vader appears to have forgotten his wife (Picture: AFP)

Four-time World Champion Miettinen explained the secret of his success, saying: 'In last autumn, I started running in the track, one hundred, two hundred and four hundred meters.

'I think that it helps that I am now a little bit faster than last year.'

The first wife carrying competition was held in the Sonkajarvi in1992, becoming the official world championships three years later.

Winners: Taisto Miettinen celebrates with his partner Kristiina Haapanen (Picture: EPA)

This year's event was accompanied by a pageant to celebrate the village's 90th anniversary.

The event forms part of several unorthodox summer events held in Finland, including swamp football, cell phone throwing and sauna sitting.

Man demands pizza and to marry Paris Hilton in police stand-off

A SWAT team negotiator had a little trouble meeting the demands of one man in a hotel stand-off with police after he requested Paris Hilton's hand in marriage.

Frederick Denney's demands included a pizza and Paris Hilton's hand in marriage (Picture: Police Handout)

While his first request for a tasty pizza was quite reasonable, Fredrick Denney's second ultimatum to marry the famous socialite was a little trickier to negotiate.

After barricading himself inside a North Carolina hotel, the 61-year-old reportedly threatened to open fire on police unless his demands were met.

According to WCNC, officers were called to the address on Cecilia Alexander Drive, Belmont, at the weekend, responding to reports Denney had allegedly caused an unspecified disturbance at the hotel.

Paris Hilton's hand in marriage was requested (Picture: AP/ Bill Cooke)

Police cordoned off the area and were forced to shut down the second floor of the hotel in a bid to reason with Denny during a tense stand-off.

During the negotiations, which lasted for several hours, the suspect shunned the traditional demands for a getaway car and a bag of cash for the chance of a happy-ever-after ending with Ms Hilton.

Police revealed it's not the first run-in the Oregon man has had with police, having previously found himself on the wrong side of the law in several states across the US.

The 61-year-old faces several charges including being intoxicated and disorderly.

Teenage prom pals are real-life Barbies as they get dolled up for ball

Best friends Emily Pounde and Hannah Jagger stunned their classmates after turning up dressed in life-size Barbie costumes for their school prom

Fantastic in plastic: Emily Pounde and Hannah Jagger dress as real-life barbies for prom (Picture: SWNS)

The pair, from Somerset, even came packaged like the toys, arriving at the party inside two boxes.

'Suddenly everybody surrounded us and took photos, I came out of the box shaking, so many people were taking pictures,' said Emily.

'It was like being famous, although I'm not sure I'd want to do it again - maybe if people take less photographs then I would, I didn't know where to look!'

Emily and Hannah, both 16, decided to dress up so that they would stand out from the their classmates at Wadham School in Crewkerne and kept the plans a secret until the night of the ball.

Emily said: 'Hannah and I thought of the idea together and it suddenly became reality when mum liked it too.

'We wanted to do something different and I really loved Barbies when I was little.'

Emily's mother Christine spent £250 on materials and worked for two days creating the 6ft x 2ft boxes.

She made them from wooden batons, adding hand-painted flowers and fairy lights decoration.

On the night of the party they were loaded onto a trailer, with the girls taking their place inside and took a tour of the local area before making their grand entrance.

Christine was not completely satisfied with her handiwork, however, saying she could have come up with something even better if she had more time.

The 39-year-old said: 'It was just an idea to begin with that developed into reality, they looked fantastic.

'I've never had any experience making anything like this before, I'm just one of those mums who likes to have a go at everything.

'I still think I could have done a better job though if I'd had more time but that may just be me being pedantic!'

Sniffing victory at the 18th Snuff World Championships in Germany

It's snort pretty, but for these men and women black noses are the price of battling it out for snuff glory.

Competitors of the Snuff World Championships take their snuff in Peutenhausen (Picture: AP)

They were trying to shovel as much of the stuff up their noses to win the 18th Snuff World Championships held in Germany at the weekend.

Snuff – the name given to scented, finely ground tobacco leaves – is sniffed directly off the fingers or through special devices.

It was the preserve of foppish dandies in the 18th century but little of their elegance was on display at the contest held in Peutenhausen, near Munich.

A participant sniffs smokeless tobacco as she competes in the championships (Picture: Getty)

Ninety participants from Germany, Austria, the USA and Switzerland competed to see who could sniff the most snuff tobacco into his or her nose from a 5g container within 60 seconds.

Points are given for the amount of snuff consumed and the cleanliness of the snuff site – though clearly not for the nose.

Participants tried to put a maximum of five grams of tobacco in their noses within one minute (Picture: AP)

According to experts, having a big schnoz doesn’t help and there’s snuffin’ like intensive training and a sophisticated technique.

Snuff was first imported from the Caribbean at the end of the 16th century and is still provided for MPs by the entrance to the House of Commons chamber.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/904570-sniffing-victory-at-the-18th-snuff-world-championships-in-germany#ixzz20DyqhBpx

relax and enjoy some classic Flashmobbing

MEDIAWATCH

Non-Football Story Of The Day
'A man threw an ostrich egg at his wife because her pet pig damaged his tools. Phillip Marau Glanville Russell, 47, lost his temper when he discovered the pig had caused $2500 of damage to his saw. Appearing in Hastings District Court yesterday, Russell pleaded guilty to assault using an ostrich egg as a weapon, assault, and breaching a protection order. He picked an argument with his wife of 20 years when she came home to their rural Waipawa property with their 9-year-old son last week. He swore at her before spitting at her four or five times.

'Russell then grabbed a large ostrich egg from the kitchen table and threw it at her with force. The heavy egg hit her in the chest, causing bruising. The woman took her son and fled to a ute in the driveway. Russell ran after the pair and banged on the window before they drove off. Police arrested Russell the next morning when they found him near his home. His lawyer, Antony Willis, said Russell had asked his wife repeatedly to keep the pig under control because it had damaged their house, their neighbour's house and council property. But his wife insisted it should be given "free range" - Stuff.co.nz.

http://cheezburger.com/6392542976

http://cheezburger.com/6394065664

aaaaa

Hosks Friday Fun

LOVEJOY FACE PUNCH, baby called Hashtag and woman tried to kill man using her breasts

No love, no joy

having drinks with the attractive sex, goal keeping toilet, hedgehog's dance with death

Hedgehog trapped in crisp packet in Weston-super-Mare

Japan invents goalkeeping toilet

Six Tips for Avoiding an Office Affair

Celebrity sperm, Hawkeye Helpdesk and see what happens if you type in "how can u" into Google

Weasel words

The English Language In 24 Accents

Ging Gang Goolie

Origin

Lyrics

Saucepan fire in Timperley

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