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How Vince McMahon robbed Brock Lesnar's soul | BEATDOWNS! PREVIEW

2009-07-09T07:22:00.017+09:00

Life, Death and Taxes | Brock Lesnar | Lesnar-Mir | GSP-Alves | Mind Control

Whether you're talking about instant replay in baseball or mustard on Polish sausage, some things in life just can't be undone.

Here are five examples :

1. Even though they played for other teams in the latter parts of their careers, Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen will always be remembered as the world champions Chicago Bulls.

2. Shaq and Kobe divorced after a tumultuous eight-year marriage in La La Land, but by virtue of their three-peat (along with the nature of the relationship itself) with the Lakers, the two future Hall of Famers will always have their names tied together.

3. Even with the Onassis surname, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis will always be John F. Kennedy's wife.

4. No one will ever forget Julio Iglesias' being once married to Isabel Preysler.

5. Elvis Presley never got over Priscilla.

Likewise, Brock Lesnar will always be Vince McMahon's UFC operative.

Although it's been more than five years since he last wrestled, Brock Lesnar is still WWE in terms of persona. He was a bad ass villain back in the WWE, and he's a bad ass villain in the UFC.

He may be fighting for real now, but with his humongous frame and freakish athletic ability, Lesnar is larger than life. He smashed Heath Herring and Randy Couture to become UFC heavyweight champion in just his fourth fight. Add his signature trash talk and what you have is Godzilla, a monster whom many people will be rooting against at UFC 100.

via the Monster Scifi Show Blog

Enter Frank Mir.

If Brock Lesnar is the ultimate MMA supervillain, Frank Mir is the ultimate superhero.

Mir's career is a story of human triumph : Mir rose to the rank of heavyweight champion in the UFC but broke his femur in two places and tore all the ligaments in his knee in a motorcycle accident and struggled to make a successful comeback. However, he turned his fortunes around with three straight wins, including victories over Lesnar and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, and is now interim heavyweight titlist. When he enters the Octagon against Brock Lesnar, Frank Mir will be fighting to become undisputed champion.

You know, another Frank Mir victory would make for the ultimate Hollywood script, but I just don't see it happening this time. Brock Lesnar has gained more big-time experience since he got caught in a kneebar in February 2008, and has demonstrated that he can apply his wrestling pedigree to control fights, like he did against Herring.

Moreover, Lesnar's athletic strengths lie where Mir's weaknesses are. Mir would punish a lesser fighter from a distance with his boxing and kickboxing, and give him a little room and he will submit you. But Mir is kind of stiff and slow in terms of raising and lowering his body, something Lesnar executes flawlessly with lightning quick precision.

Frank Mir showed against Nogueira that he can throw his hands a little, but would his lateral footwork and high-low movement be good enough against a charging Lesnar who can drop foes with a single punch or takedown? I personally don't think so, and I see Mir becoming another Herring, getting taken down or dropped early and being on the receiving end of a claustrophobic smothering and senseless pounding.

I predict that Mir's corner will throw in the towel after three rounds.

I love the whole good guy vs. bad guy thing going on in UFC 100. I don't think I need to tell you, but for Georges St. Pierre vs. Thiago Alves, GSP is the hero and Alves the villain.

Alves is huge, and struggles to make weight at 170. His Muay Thai is devastating, his timing impeccable and his counterpunching overlooked. Alves' robust head protects him from knockouts, his takedown defense from wrestlers and his purple belt Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu from joint locks. He's the ultimate juggernaut, the Sagat that barricades GSP's quest to master himself through the martial arts like Ryu did.

I get a feeling that GSP-Alves will turn out to be somewhat similar to the karate fight between Major Bennett Marco (Frank Sinatra) and Chunjin (Henry Silva) in the classic film The Manchurian Candidate (1962).

Thiago Alves puts so much pressure on a fighter with his striking combinations and counterpunches so well that GSP will have to fight the fight of his life to get away with a win. Luckily for GSP, he has his meticulous training and study habits, leaving no page unturned, so he'll be ready.

St. Pierre will be hurt. He has shown that he can be hit - and hurt - by fighters not nearly as powerful as Alves, so he'll take a beating, no matter how prepared. But GSP's dedication to the art of fighting and conditioning has made him a fine ring general with the ability to control fights with either his boxing or wrestling. And he'll avoid just enough direct hits to leave the fight with his senses intact.

So while I think Thiago Alves is too strong and skilled for Georges St. Pierre to finish, I foresee GSP using his sweet science, wrestling and cardio to dictate the flow of the fight and earning a split decision on the judges' scorecards.

Now we've come full circle.

Everyone on the UFC 100 card is a Dana White fighter, literally and figuratively, but Brock Lesnar is still a Vince McMahon guy. Lesnar's propensity to play the bad guy may have come naturally, but it was McMahon that recognized the wrestler's talents and made him world famous and rich.

Brock Lesnar steadfastly denies ever having used steroids while in the WWE, but he did say that he was "brainwashed" by the WWE lifestyle of having to play a character in the script.

That - in essence - was the equivalent of Vince McMahon programming Brock Lesnar so that Lesnar would continue to promote the WWE with his bad ass style long after he left.

That - at its heart - was the equivalent of Vince McMahon robbing the soul of Brock Lesnar by having Lesnar play the villain when the lights, cameras and action come on - even for unscripted fights.

It's just like how Raymond Shaw (Laurence Harvey) was "dry-cleaned" by Communist agents to carry out their sinister plans upon seeing the Queen of Diamonds while "passing the time by playing a little solitaire" in The Manchurian Candidate.

And that is how the fates of Vince McMahon and Brock Lesnar will forever be intertwined.

'Til Death Do Us Part.

via The Minnesota Score

Brock Lesnar, GSP and Co. gangbang the NCAA | BEATDOWNS! HYPE

2009-07-07T20:21:00.019+09:00

courtesy of Club Jenna

You know what UFC 100 reminds me of?

It reminds me of a big porn flick, with Brock Lesnar, GSP and Co. as the big-you-know-what porn stars and the NCAA as the porn starlet who can take it all like a superwoman.

That's because when the lights go on Saturday night at the Mandalay Bay and your TV screens, these muscular ~~pornographic actors~~ mixed martial artists are all going to take turns f***ing the s*** out of ~~Jenna Jameson~~ the NCAA.

When Brandon Jennings skipped college ball to play professional basketball in Italy, he told the NCAA to go f*** themselves. When Jeremy Tyler announced that he was skipping his senior year of high school to hoop it up for pay in Europe, he told the NCAA to go f*** themselves.

And when Darnell Goodman prefers to talk about "butt naked drinking nights" rather than football when asked about his college days, he's telling the NCAA to go f*** themselves.

But basketball and football are big-time NCAA sports; wrestling is not.

And when products of small-time sports are gangbanging you in the rear, that's when you know that you're really getting f***ed.

We all know that Brock Lesnar, who headlines the UFC 100 card, was a two-time All-American wrestler and NCAA heavyweight champion at the University of Minnesota. Dan Henderson, also a main event fighter, was a good enough college wrestler for Cal State Fullerton and Arizona State to become a two-time Greco-Roman Olympian.

And Randy Couture, whom Lesnar beat to become UFC heavyweight champion, was a three-time NCAA All-American and two-time runner up at Oklahoma State.

What Lesnar, Hendo and Couture all have in common is that they could barely make a living with wrestling, until they entered the world of professional fighting or wrasslin'.

I think the violent and brutal nature of MMA will eventually put a limit to how big the UFC is going to get (and it probably won't become as big as the WWE, much less the NBA, NFL, MLB or soccer), but it's still going to get big nevertheless - and provide more opportunities for folks with wrestling, boxing or martial arts backgrounds to make a living.

Back in the day, if you were a wrestler, you couldn't just ignore school. There were few realistic options for you to make a good living with a wrestling background.

But the rise of the UFC and MMA is changing all that. Young men will see the success that ex-wrestlers like Brock Lesnar and Bobby Lashley are having and will try to take the most direct path to success off of their wrestling skills.

I don't necessarily foresee the emergence of a professional wrestling (not wrasslin') league that acts as a feeder to the bigger MMA organizations like the UFC or Strikeforce, but there's a good chance that the kids who would've otherwise went to college to wrestle would be joining an MMA gym to groom their overall fighting skills - because that's where the money's at.

"Criminology" by Raekwon ft. Ghostface Killah
from Only Built 4 Cuban Linx

Wu-Tang knows a thing or two about not f***ing with Sosa.

And to make it even worse for the public relations machine of the NCAA, the skill set one possesses can vary so much from fighter to fighter that someone with dreams of succeeding professionally and financially doesn't even have to have a formal, dedicated wrestling background.

Sure, coming from a wrestling background is probably the fastest way to succeed as an MMA fighter, but there are also things called wrestling for MMA (i.e. what Georges St. Pierre is doing) and counterwrestling (i.e. how Thiago Alves and Anderson Silva stuff takedown attempts), so a talented high school wrestler with a knack for fighting can tailor his training to his needs and strengths.

And he can get a head start professionally while not having to go to school just to get a scholarship just to extend his wrestling career.

Just another reason the NCAA is f***ed.

July 4th Fireworks with Jessica Gomes | BABE-A-DAY!

2009-07-04T14:37:00.017+09:00

courtesy of Sports Illustrated

To our American fans of HotNonPorn, Happy July 4th! Enjoy the fireworks, kick ass like George Washington and enjoy the wild passions that Jessica Gomes generates.

More after the jump...

Much like Victoria Vannucci, Jessica Gomes has been one of our staple hotties here at HotNonPorn.com. If you liked this July 4th feature, then I'm sure you'll enjoy our Jessica Gomes archives :

Can a Brother Get a Lap Dance?

2008 SI Swimsuit gallery and photoshoot

Cyon Bikini Phone gallery and commercial

Honeymoon Dance to the Golden Age | DAILY SPORTS SELECT

2009-07-03T11:40:00.009+09:00

"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

- Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) to Captain Renault (Claude Rains) in Casablanca (1942)

I'm not going to spoil the movie for you, but the quote above is the final line from the timeless classic Casablanca.

The words speak for themselves, and who knows what really happened between Rick and Renault after what was said, but I think there could be a parallel between Yao Ming - he of the injury-plagued career - and his team, the Houston Rockets.

It seems like Yao has been in the NBA forever, but when you think about it, he's still only 28. His feet, which have borne the wear and tear of supporting his 7-6, 310 lb frame, may be a lot older, but Yao's latest foot injury could be a blessing in disguise - so long as it doesn't catastrophically end the big man's career.

It could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship between Yao Ming and the Houston Rockets.

In 1970, the year he was to turn 30, Bruce Lee severely injured his back during a workout. He was practically immobilized for six months before he started training and teaching again. Amazingly, it was during this period of inactivity that Bruce Lee would write the manuscripts that would eventually become the philosophy that would revolutionize modern martial arts : the Tao of Jeet Kune Do.

Even more astonishingly, Lee produced his finest work, including Enter the Dragon (1973), after his comeback. Lee's post-injury work is how most of us remember his martial arts legend.

Another kung fu icon, Jackie Chan, made some of his most challenging movies post-30, and a slew of injuries already to his credit.

One such film was Police Story, in which during the pole-slide scene Jackie "almost paralyzed" himself when he "nearly broke the seventh and eighth vertebrae" in his spine.

Jackie also happened to burn his hands, dislocate his pelvis and get electrocuted during the scene. And it never ceases to amaze me how a 40-year old could move like he did in Drunken Master II.

Players like Yao Ming, the ones who rely on taking advantage of the subtle nuances of the game, are like a fine wine : They get better as they age. When they have aged to perfection, they help you win championships, or at least come close to it.

That's why I think Yao Ming and the Houston Rockets should become like a band, if not lovers. Until it's proven definitely that their bandleader cannot continue due to drug addiction or that their lover can no longer perform due to sexual dysfunction, everyone needs to be patient.

Even if Yao misses the entire 2009-10 season after having, in the words of Ric Bucher, "an aggressive surgical procedure that eliminates or downgrades the chances of this happening again," if he comes back healthier and sturdier than ever, it will be worth the wait. It may even turn out that the first seven years of the Yao-Rockets relationship was just a prelude to doing business, a honeymoon dance to the Golden Age.

I've been impressed by Yao's strength of character ever since he came into the NBA, and I'm sure, like Bruce Lee, he'll find alternative methods of improving his game while he's immobilized.

And if, in the meantime, general manager Daryl Morey continues to build the overall team and ownership the support system that will help their franchise player maximize his on-court production, then the championship dream will not die.

It may just be realized in a different form.

Music : "Terrifying" by The Rolling Stones

The Incestuous World of the NBA | MAD BALLIN'

2009-07-03T10:50:00.004+09:00

Although it's probably nothing more than coincidence, I find it quite amusing that Ron Artest is set to sign with the Lakers and that Trevor Ariza has verbally committed to the Rockets.

Artest and Ariza aren't bit players whose movements don't make an impact, but key cogs in their respective former teams' playoff runs. Artest was a starter at the two for Houston; Ariza started at small forward for LA and was a major reason Showtime won another title.

I find what has happened to be reminiscent of Robert Horry's defection from LA to San Antonio in 2003. Now, neither Artest or Ariza were icons of their (old) franchises, but in case your memory is very short, LA and Houston had their heated seven-game playoff series in May.

I think Ariza was a better fit with the Lakers than Artest will be. The Lakers already have two great offensive weapons in Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol and Ariza fit in nicely when it came to making hustle plays, hitting the open jumpshot and finishing fast breaks. He was the ultimate secret weapon, although his value is no longer unknown.

Trevor Ariza will be taking his winning game to Houston, but I think he'll be a better sixth or seventh man than starter there. Battier is the incumbent at the three and Ariza doesn't provide the scoring or floor game that a two should. But he's more than good enough to come off the bench and provide impact hustle, defense and game-changing plays. He's totally the Daryl Morey type of player.

The big question for the Lakers will be whether Ron Artest can keep his ego in check. He loves to dribble and jack up contested threes. He likes to have the ball in his hands, and his favorite spots - the perimeter and low post - are occupied by Kobe and Gasol. I wonder if this move will have more of a Karl Malone-Gary Payton impact on the Lakers, especially if Lamar Odom doesn't re-sign.

No matter how things work out - and coincidence or not - this Ariza-Artest team swap shows us that it's not just amazing that happens in the NBA.

Incest happens, too ;)

The Provocative Maribel Fernandez | BABE-A-DAY!

2009-07-02T16:17:00.012+09:00

courtesy of Paparazzi

Maribel Fernandez, the Argentine TV personality, is one of the most provocative ladies to grace the pages of HotNonPorn.com. The juicy ass and show-stopping camel toe of Maribel was enough to inspire the title of a piece, aptly named "Sexy Piece of Ass", about the definitive end to Urijah Faber's WEC featherweight title reign.

It's only fitting that Maribel gets a piece dedicated to her beauty :

P.S. For more steamy Argentine babes, check out Victoria Vannucci and Claudia Fernandez.

The Masterpiece | BABE-A-DAY!

2009-07-01T14:58:00.017+09:00

I know, I know. I've been milking Victoria Vannucci's tits like a Swiss farmer milks his cows to make premium cheese. But it looks like this will be the last Vannucci post for a while, because all the best stuff has been milked already.

This final Vicky masterpiece, which is about as final as a boxer's retirement, features photos from an old Revista H interview, and they are as NSFW as it gets. Vicky is naked, wet and dare I say, wild.

I originally planned to leave out the photos that show flashes of Vicky's tits, but I found them to be subtle, artistic and tastefully done, with the dark lighting camouflaging the visual delight of uncovered breast. Besides, the spread carries such a sinister undertone that if I were to have left those tit photos out, I may as well have abandoned this whole post entirely.

It's not about makin' a hit; it's about makin' a classic.

Those are the immortal lines that flash in the intro of the music video for the remix of "Frikitona" off of the second Chosen Few compilation.

"Frikitona (The Chosen Few Remix)" by Plan B ft. Trick Daddy, Trina, LDA

And makin' classics is what I'm all about. Although I started in this business with the sole purpose of entertaining my fellow Cavemen, I have evolved, learning to to design and create content to the point where many of my pieces are more like digital paintings rather than writings. Now, I strive to create works of art, the total audiovisual-literary experience for those who encounter HotNonPorn.

Certainly, the masterpiece of a woman called Victoria Vannucci has undoubtedly inspired my work, so hereby I hook you up with some links to the finest photography done on one of the hottest women on the planet...

How to snag a hottie

Hottie Double Trouble
featuring Claudia Fernandez

Hot Butt
Maxim Argentina December 2008 pictorial

Argentina's Spicy Answer to Anna Kournikova
Maxim Argentina September 2006 pictorial

As well as my Top 3 recent masterpieces :

1. What does your soul look like?

2. Groupies that keep you up all night

3. A Tribute to Cornerbacks and Goalies

Yeah Vicky!

A Tribute to Cornerbacks and Goalies | BALL-KICKIN'

2009-06-29T03:09:00.023+09:00

courtesy of IGN.com

To use a Street Fighter analogy, the cornerback in (American) football and goalkeeper in soccer (called football in the rest of the world) are the Sagats of their games.

If the end zone or goal is the M. Bison, then the cornerback or goalie is the henchman, the ultimate gatekeeper in a defense whose obvious goal is to prevent scores.

In the Adidas ad campaign Futbol Meets Football, Reggie Bush and David Beckham have some fun trying to learn each others' forms of the game with the same name. We see Beckham kicking field goals and seeing what it feels to put on the heavy pads that football players wear. We also get a glimpse at Reggie Bush's natural athletic ability, as the first free kick attempts of his life don't look so bad.

Personally, I dig the cornerback-goalie comparisons, because these positions are two of the most mentally demanding in sports, requiring extreme resilience and the utmost belief in one's abilities.

I don't care if your name is Deion Sanders or Iker Casillas; if the attacker or quarterback is on target, there's a good chance you're getting smoked.

The rewards for cornerbacks and goalies are great. If you're a soccer goalie, you wear a different uniform from the rest of your team and your brilliant saves will be recognized. If you're a football corner, you're frequently matched up in one-on-one situations against blazing wide receivers, who're likely to be taller and bigger than you. Blanket them and you'll get the prestigious moniker "shutdown corner" bestowed upon you.

My Goalie Is My Hero

However, you're on an island, and when you get toasted, you really get roasted - on national and international television. Often, there's no way to stop a kicker who's on target or a penetrator who's got a clear path on goal. The goalie can only hope that his defenders force the offensive player into shooting at less advantageous angles. Likewise, when a quarterback throws the perfect pass, it often means pay dirt for the wide receiver.

But the cornerback or goalie must come back. He must come back for more punishment. He must come back for more potential reward. It's like the boxer who must return to the fight round after round, taking blows to the body and head in exchange for the glory of knocking his opponent out, because that's what he does.

For example, in the semi-finals of the Confederations Cup, Spanish goalie Iker Casillas got burned twice - by Jozy Altidore and Clint Dempsey - and world power Spain's 15-match international winning streak came to a screeching halt 0-2 against Team USA. Casillas took more punishment from hosts South Africa in the third-place match, a 3-2 victory by La Furia Roja.

Iker Casillas is arguably the world's finest goalie, and his toughness to carry on enables him to put on legendary displays of goalkeeping, like against Italy at Euro 2008. The courage of a goalie like his is a big reason that Spain has emerged as the powerhouse of Europe and despite settling for third place at the Confederations Cup in 2009, a favorite to win the 2010 World Cup.

American goalkeeper Tim Howard is going to have to bounce back strong if the United States is going to have another shot at an improbable title run in 2010. His goalkeeping in the first half of the Confederations Cup final against Brazil was marvelous, but when Brazil gets down, they really get down, as they showed in their 3-2 comeback to become 2009 champions.

courtesy of mrninfutbolero

The US still must qualify for the World Cup, and how he responds to the heartbreaking American loss will play a huge role in not only the national team's international success, but the future of the sport on US soil.

"Straight to My Feet" by Hammer & Deion Sanders

At the end of the day,
A cornerback is still a cornerback
A goalie still a goalie
And a Street Fighter still a Street Fighter.

What does your soul look like? | WEEKEND SPORTS SELECT

2009-06-27T04:35:00.018+09:00

Darnell Goodman | Len Bias | Vega | Griffin, Rubio and Jennings | DJ Shadow

Is your soul butt naked?
courtesy of Global Sports Fraternity

Darnell Goodman is the former Heisman-winning wide receiver who could've become the next Jerry Rice. Goodman runs a 4.3 40-yard dash and has more talent than Terrell Owens, Randy Moss or Chad Ochocinco.

Darnell Goodman is the skirt-chasing, blunt-smoking, Xbox-playing, unmotivated locker room distraction. Excepting tragedies like Len Bias', Goodman represents the worst kind of draft bust, a prodigious talent gone terribly wrong on and off the field.

Darnell Goodman is the man who has found Jesus. Goodman still struggles with major relapses back into his world of flesh, sin and vices but he has at least found some perspective, and is trying to make it back to the NFL.

Darnell Goodman is the ultimate parody of the prodigal superstar athlete. Goodman is an ingenious creation of Global Sports Fraternity, run by Henry Lowenfels of Mayfly Films, the company behind the two acclaimed movies Rock the Bells and Visioneers. The former is an inside story documentary about Wu-Tang Clan's 2004 Rock the Bells concert and the latter is a black comedy about what it means to take charge of your life like a man.

Thank God Darnell Goodman is a fictional character.

For it would take an awful lot to save the man's soul.

What kills me about Len Bias' death due to a cocaine overdose in 1986 is that it didn't have to happen. The then-22-year old was caught up in the 1980's craze of excess and cocaine-snorting.

If you watch highlights of his dominance at Maryland, it becomes clear that Len Bias was an athletic, physical and basketball marvel. Seth Davis of Sports Illustrated retrospectively called him "a bigger, stronger, more advanced version of Michael Jordan. There was a reason the champions Boston Celtics selected Bias to become Larry Bird's eventual successor with the no. 2 pick in the 1986 NBA Draft.

Bias was described as a good kid but naive. I think this naivete played a role in his succumbing to peer pressure and using cocaine.

A good soul became tainted - and a good man dead.

photos courtesy of their respective owners

Vega, the cutest rock chick on Earth, looks deep into your soul.

What happened to Len Bias was the worst case scenario. But there have been countless prodigal sons in sports, and often, the main reason for their failures have been that they weren't able to keep their heads straight.

The reason I want to look into the souls of Blake Griffin, Ricky Rubio and Brandon Jennings (the three most intriguing 2009 rookies, in my opinion) is that while a player can't control his team's vision, he can control his intangibles, such as drive and work ethic.

1. Blake Griffin is about drive : I can totally see Griffin turning out to be the consummate professional who gets the most out of his talents due to his work ethic. Back in April, I wasn't sold on his lack of refined technique, but catching glimpses of his hardcore conditioning regimen and improved skill in The Rookie, I'm confident that this young man will live up to his billing - so long as he isn't poisoned by The Curse of the Clippers.

2. Ricky Rubio is about love : You don't play fun, creative team ball that Rubio plays unless you love the game. Basketball runs in the blood of the Rubio family, his dad having been an amateur player and youth coach, his older brother Marc the youngest player in the Spanish ACB before Ricky's debut and his younger sister Laia a starting shooting guard for the Catalan regional team that won the girls' "mini" championship in the spring of 2008.

There's a reason for Ricky Rubio's prodigious fun-damentals.

The 18-year old Spaniard is more than a baller. He's an artist in the Catalan tradition, the hardwood successor to Antonio Gaudi and Salvador Dali. He's a lover in the Latin tradition, the basketball successor to Casanova.

Ricky Rubio now gets a chance to display his artistic and romantic genius to NBA audiences.

3. Brandon Jennings is about business : Jennings may be young, but he's street smart. He's from Compton, the city whose rough streets gave birth to N.W.A. and helped explode the popularity of gangsta rap.

When Jennings couldn't qualify to play at Arizona, he told the NCAA to screw themselves and promptly packed his bags for Italy. The 19-year old didn't exactly light up the highly competitive Lega A or Euroleague but he kept his head on and did his best to return to America an improved player and richer man.

So while a baller's soul isn't the only factor that predicts success at the professional level, it may be the most important, because it's the one thing that a man has control over. From that perspective, Blake Griffin, Ricky Rubio and Brandon Jennings are all in good to great shape, although I sometimes wonder if Jennings' chip on his shoulder may keep him from achieving elite-level team success.

But if Jennings' soul is true and not too good for music, then I expect him to prove me wrong.

Man, Noble or Machine?
Music : "What Does Your Soul Look Like (Part 4)" by DJ Shadow
courtesy of Javier Mayoral

The HotNonPorn Guide to the 2009 NBA Draft | MAD BALLIN'

2009-06-24T09:54:00.016+09:00

If Ricky Rubio is an NBA prospect,
Then Jarah Mariano would make
A good one for the Lingerie Football League.

While no means an authoritative guide, the following 20 commentaries from HotNonPorn.com will surely enhance your 2009 NBA Draft experience :

1. Groupies that keep you up all night

2. Is Rubio vs. Jennings the next Isiah vs. Stockton?

3. Can a Brother Get a Lap Dance?

4. It sucks to get your ass kicked

5. Famous 2009 NBA Draft Entrants - Initial Assessment

6. You can have Ty Lawson

7. Four non-Jordans who weren't so bad

8. Jeff Adrien the Future Hooligan Firm Leader?

9. Celebrating the saavy baller

10. Tyler Hansbrough before he gets his ass kicked

11. Why are NBA scouts so paranoid?

12. An NBA scout's Jodie Meeks scouting report

13. Why try to make a two guard a point guard?

14. DJ Augustin will be the best point guard from the 2008 NBA Draft

15. Derrick Rose - Point Guard or Fake Pass Master?

16. Is Brandon Jennings gonna go broke?

17. Derrick Rose will break your heart (if you think he's the future at PG)

18. Is "YouTube Baby" the next Ricky Rubio?

19. Ricky Rubio - Team Espana Mixtape Vol. 1

20. Will Ricky Rubio get any playing time?

The Sensual Jarah Mariano | BABE-A-DAY!

2009-06-23T16:44:00.012+09:00

courtesy of Sports Illustrated

In the realm of HotNonPorn, Jarah Mariano represents sensuality :

To experience other elements in the realm of HotNonPorn, check out our latest works of art :

1. Groupies that keep you up all night (Reality)
2. Controlling Destiny (Spirituality)
3. Is Rubio vs. Jennings the next Isiah vs. Stockton? (Sensationalism)

Groupies that keep you up all night | DAILY SPORTS SELECT

2009-06-23T10:29:00.015+09:00

from Mortal Kombat

In the evening of Thursday June 25, 60 young basketball players will be initiated into the highly exclusive basketball fraternity known around the world as the National Basketball Association. Players and their families, friends and business associates will be celebrating.

So will the groupies, hangers on and leeches and whoever is determinted to make a quick buck or 15 minutes of fame off of those potential millionaires.

That's not to say that the players - when many inevitably mess up - will be without blame. In fact, with their impressionability and lack of control, they're ultimately responsible - and even more to blame - for their mistakes than the so-called cash money grubbers out in the market.

Take, for example, Dirk Nowitzki. Even the Great White Hope of our generation couldn't withstand the advances of the even greater Cristal Taylor, she of the fraudulent schemes and 1,001 aliases.

If Dirk Diggler's ultimate professional goal was to have a wildly successful NBA career and eventually win a title, Cristal's was to have a wild time with Dirk and eventually get her hands on some of his riches. Dirk got Cristal pregnant with his kid, so it looks like Cristal has achieved her objective even better than Dirk did.

Dirk, in the process, whether it was his intention or not, ended up selling his soul.

Let's not kid ourselves. Groupies and nuthangers are the least of the worries for the newly minted members of the NBA. The real enemy is within, and when the young draftees sign over their rights to an NBA team, what will result for most is a vicious cycle of broken dreams and emptiness.

Groupies : The Least of a Player's Worries
courtesy of Global Sports Fraternity

Basketball being a team game, it takes a much more complex combination of factors coming together to help a player succeed than in an individual sport like boxing. Not only must the player be good himself, but his set of skills must match his teammates' and his coach's system, in order for him to contribute. For that reason, it's infinitely more important in team sports for the franchise to have an unyielding vision of success.

Unfortunately, most of the NBA is mediocre to downright bad. And most young players will be joining these teams.

There's nothing more damaging to a young NBA player's career than being surrounded by coaching and managerial impotence. If a groupie approaches you, you can at least try to resist the temptation. If you manage to make some illegitimate babies, at least you can pay child support with the money you make.

But to an NBA player, his franchise is his life - and a club that can't offer life to its constituents could spell death to the baller's career.

I still follow the NBA Draft, but don't get into it like I used to. The reason is that much of it's ultimately nonsense. What matters in the end is the top-down vision of an owner, not how talented an individual player is.

This has applied and will continue to apply to anyone. Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Tim Duncan, Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant were beneficiaries who sold their souls to the right buyers. Rather than living day-to-day, trying to score big game to secure their next big payday, these icons were provided enough by their clubs so that they could concentrate on becoming champions and ambassadors.

Most others weren't so lucky - and we'll see if fortune follows the talent of precocious youngsters like Blake Griffin, Ricky Rubio and Brandon Jennings.

For their own sake, I hope guys like Griffin, Rubio and Jennings turn out to be like Liu Kang, who was able to team up with two helpful protagonists, Sonya Blade and Johnny Cage, to avenge his brother's death and loss of soul to the evil Shang Tsung in the movie Mortal Kombat.

I want to see the rise of Rome, and the rebuilding of Afghanistan and Iraq (although I wouldn't know firsthand, at least there's positive correspondence from Fallujah), rather than watch the latest construction site in my neighborhood.

Likewise, I want to see a great general manager or head coach implement his vision one element at a time, rather than see a run-of-the-miller watch over his back and impose his job insecurity on a young prospect. That's like operating without an urban development plan, and hoping that the next new edifice will bring salvation to your city.

Because ultimately, the transaction of souls takes place on the streets, not in the churches.

"Who Will Save Your Soul" by Jewel
Sessions at West 54th performance

Controlling Destiny | DAILY SPORTS SELECT

2009-06-22T10:44:00.008+09:00

"F*** Wit Dre Day (And Everybody's Celebratin')" by Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg
from The Chronic

Dr. Dre, one of the most influential hip hop producers of all-time, didn't always have it easy in the music industry. While an integral part of the N.W.A. sound, Dre suffered business-wise from the fact that the owners of Ruthless Records were Eazy-E and Jerry Heller.

Dre moved on to Death Row Records, but it turned out that owner Suge Knight didn't exactly have Dre's best interests in mind either.

Only after he formed Aftermath Entertainment, his own label, was Dr. Dre able to consolidate the artistic and business aspects of his legendary career.

Likewise, Snoop Dogg also Paid Tha Cost To Be Da Bo$$.

On Saturday, heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko added The Ring Magazine title to his collection of WBO, IBF and IBO belts, totally controlling Ruslan Chagaev - and his destiny - with his left hand.

The younger Klitschko brother's left hand is a marvel of a weapon. Not only does Wladimir use it to jab his opponent into submission, but also to gauge distance and as a stiff arm to control the overall movement of his man.

Unable to gain distance, space or time against a superior technician, and against Klitschko's occasional right hand, Chagaev was simply pummeled into a stoppage after nine rounds of action.

I'm sure there are still W. Klitschko-doubters out there. I was one myself, just like I was a Kobe-doubter before Kobe won his first title without Shaq. Wladimir will always have his skeptics, especially in this era of weak heavyweights, but you can't control everything. He simply did the best he could and now has one more fan.

Talk about giving it your all. When you think of futbol, you think of Brazil. You think of Spain. You think of Italy. You think of Argentina.

But you don't think about Egypt, Iraq or South Africa.

We all know Iraq is one inferno of a country. And by all accounts, neither Egypt nor South Africa are paradise.

However, give their national soccer teams credit for playing their hearts out during the FIFA Confederations Cup.

Brazil and Egypt demonstrate the beauty of futbol.
courtesy of MrFootballhighlights

I like the way these countries have been playing favored teams almost to a standstill. Iraq hasn't won a game, but it lost just 0-1 to Spain and drew in two games against South Africa and New Zealand.

South Africa hasn't been bad either, losing 0-2 to Spain but winning 2-0 against New Zealand.

The most impressive of the wild bunch is Egypt, taking Brazil down to a Kaka penalty kick to drop a 3-4 thriller while beating Italy 1-0. I know, they got smacked 0-3 by the United States, but you know, Egypt ain't Brazil.

In third-world countries such as Egypt, Iraq or South Africa, you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Your destiny is limited to the now.

But if you play like their soccer teams, at least you can control the moment.

Is Rubio vs. Jennings the next Isiah vs. Stockton? | MAD BALLIN'

2009-06-22T08:26:00.008+09:00

courtesy of SLAM

No doubt, both Ricky Rubio and Brandon Jennings have a loooong way to go before they can reach the heights set by Isiah Thomas and John Stockton back in the 1980's and 90's, but the potential for their rivalry to become an Isiah-Stock Part II is there.

Forget about their head-to-head Euroleague matchup late last year. At this point, what happened in that game doesn't mean anything, because the battle really started when Jennings called Rubio "all hype".

I'm not going to take sides here. Both point guard prodigies are still teenagers, and it's waaaay too early to project too deep into the future. For all I know, an injury here and there combined with bad coaching/managerial situations, and both could end up being busts. Just look at Penny Hardaway.

I love the way both of these guys play. Brandon Jennings likes to work off the dribble, while Ricky Rubio likes to anticipate the flow of the game. Jennings reminds me of a bigger, more aggressive version of Kenny Anderson, while Rubio reminds me of a funkier version of John Stockton, sort of like a Larry Bird inside a point guard's body, a precocious defender, but without the refined jumpshot.

And besides the trash talk, there's the whole question of race (black vs. white) and nation (United States vs. Spain). This could be the first basketball rivalry representing the globalization of the game, with style and flava transcending nationality and culture.

Due to Jennings' barbs at Rubio, people will be tuning in to see where each of these point guards go in the draft, and if the American can back up his talk by torching the Spaniard, like Zeke did Stock.

Although David Stern may have preferred a more Magic-Bird-like start to the dawn of a potentially big rivalry, a little controversy never hurts in bringing in the eyes and ears. Besides, a point guard rivalry in the feel-good mold already exists in Chris Paul vs. Deron Williams.

In the end, it'll all come down to who helps his team win, but until then, I hope both of these youngsters become the best players they can be.

Mega Fights of July 2009 | VIEWING GUIDE

2009-06-20T16:41:00.012+09:00

With Mayweather-Marquez scratched due to Floyd Mayweather, Jr.'s rib injury, we're left with just one single mega fight event - albeit a very mega one - in July, UFC 100 :

To watch this video, log in to YouTube and certify that you're a legal adult in your jurisdiction

The main attractions of the July 11 pay-per-view (Saturday, 10 PM ET) event are the championship bouts : Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir II and Georges St. Pierre vs. Thiago Alves.

In the heavyweight title fight (Lesnar-Mir II), it'll be interesting to see whether Brock Lesnar can overcome the jiu-jitsu deficiency that betrayed him in his first fight against Frank Mir, with his increased MMA proficiency and experience.

While Lesnar looked impressive in his three-round smothering of Heath Herring and belt-winning TKO of Randy Couture last year, Frank Mir looked equally as impressive in using his improved stand-up to knock out Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at UFC 92, so more experience may not necessarily be enough for Lesnar to defeat Mir in a rematch.

Josh Hedges/Zuffa

In St. Pierre-Alves (welterweight), Georges St. Pierre faces arguably the greatest threat of his career to his well-being in Thiago Alves. GSP's greatest strength lies in his Octagon generalship : Whether it's through boxing, kickboxing, wrestling, ground-and-pound or jiu-jitsu, GSP has shown an excellent ability to control his opponent throughout the course of a fight.

However, if GSP is to successfully defend his title against a bigger, stronger Thiago Alves that combines vicious and explosive Muay Thai striking to go along with excellent takedown defense, he'll have to withstand the uppermost limits that his endurance will be pushed to.

We'll see what happens on July 11. Be on the lookout for preview content coming the week before the fight.

Can a Brother Get a Lap Dance? | MAD BALLIN'

2009-06-20T01:25:00.022+09:00

Jessica Gomes : Every Man's Dream
courtesy of Sports Illustrated

I admit, I wasn't sold on Ty Lawson as far as his making a mediocre to bad team a good to great team. And if that's what you're looking for him to do, I'm still not sold on the idea of drafting the little man out of North Carolina.

However, if you're a playoff team looking for a backup point guard/sixth man type, Ty Lawson is your man.

Lawson can flatout play the game of basketball. He's got a great motor, great acceleration and great elevation. He's built like a rock and can handle the basketball, get to the basket and finish. His jumpshot ain't bad, either. Physically and athletically, he reminds me of a miniature version of LeBron James.

Although he's a better transition than halfcourt player and better zone than man-to-man defender at this point in his career, Lawson's solid passing abilities, leadership qualities and strength/frame/aggressiveness suggest to me that he'll become better in those deficient areas as his career progresses.

Regardless, even at under 6-foot, the skills Ty Lawson currently has are enough to make an immediate impact as a backup point guard on any playoff team.

So give the brother a lap dance.

P.S. The title of this piece was inspired by two great boxing commentaries over at No Mas :

1. Can a Puerto Rican get a lapdance over here or what?

2. Can a Ghanaian get a lapdance over here or what?

Shaq aka The Big Mercenary | DAILY SPORTS SELECT

2009-06-19T15:07:00.006+09:00

"Lose Yourself" by Eminem

Having moved from Orlando to Los Angeles to Miami to Phoenix - to now possibly Cleveland - throughout his career, Shaquille O'Neal has demonstrated that he's willing to sell his championship-caliber services to the highest bidder, thus earning the nickname "The Big Mercenary".

This piece isn't meant to be a judgement on the way Shaq has handled his career, but a question of "Are the Houston Rockets trying to get Shaq?"

You live life once. And once only. For that reason Cleveland are talking about a possible trade to acquire Shaq. Shaq may no longer be the unstoppable force that he once was at age 37, but he's still good enough to be the cog that sends a contender over the top.

Due to his MMA training (I believe), Shaq's in the best shape that he's been in a while, free of injuries to body and mind. He's even calling out 7-2, 330 lb Korean giant-fighter Hong-Man Choi for crying out loud!

Watching the Houston Rockets finally get out of the first round and take the Lakers to seven games without the previously ageless Dikembe Mutombo, I thought to myself "What if Houston got Shaq in the off-season?"

Bringing in Shaq to replace Deke isn't the be-all, end-all solution to Houston's championship quest, but it's one of the three main components to what I see could put Houston over the top - buying insurance for Yao Ming. (I go over the other two here).

I won't get into the details on why Houston could use Shaq because even the specifics are obvious, but the key would be whether Shaq's pride would allow him to back up a center that he was once superior to.

If everything else works out an acquisition comes down to Shaq's ego, Houston would have to make Shaq the star attraction of their championship-quest season, marketing-wise.

Management would have to convince him that the club is only a Shaq away from the heights of title stratosphere - and that The Big Mercenary would be able to revel in the adulation that fans bestow upon him for bringing a championship to their city. Coach Rick Adelman would have add some more funk and spunk to Houston's system, which he's certainly capable of doing.

There will certainly be accomodations that will have to be made, but I say, Why not? The Boston Celtics and Miami Heat have won championships by going balls out and the Cleveland Cavaliers look as if they're at least trying.

Why would Houston, which really isn't that far from becoming an elite contender, let a rival (when you're a contender even teams in the other conference are rivals) take someone who could put them over the top?

Marvelous Mexicanas | BABE-A-DAY!

2009-06-16T11:40:00.022+09:00

Dedicating myself to the art of developing cutting edge web content is good and all, but when I'm drained, I just want some mindless fun.

Here are some of the hottest Mexican babes from FHM's World of Women - Mexico :

NORELYS RODRIGUEZ :

MONICA NOGUERA :

AMANDA ROSA :

KAREN :

MYSTERY JALAPENA :

Get familiar with these Mexican picantes here.

For some next-level babe content, check out the following works of art featuring some incredible Ass from Argentina :

1. How to snag a hottie
with Victoria Vannucci

2. Sexy Piece of Ass
with Maribel Fernandez

LeBron is f***ed | MAD BALLIN'

2009-06-16T09:34:00.010+09:00

Inside LeBron James' quest to catch Kobe Bryant
courtesy of Global Sports Fraternity

When I got an e-mail from Osneaker.com about the new Nike LeBron James/Kobe Bryant MVPuppets t-shirt, I was wondering why Nike was even bothering to release something so obsolete.

However, a gut feeling led me to take another look at the e-mail - and that was when I realized that LeBron is f***ed.

You think Kobe had it bad when people nagged him about not being able to win it without Shaq?

Until LeBron leads Cleveland to the promised land, people will always remind him of when his team got swept by Tim Duncan and Co. in 2007. Even worse, they will remind him of how the Cavs - as favorites - got their asses kicked by Orlando this year.

What the 2009 playoffs showed is that LeBron is not at Kobe's level yet. Not even close. He needs more finesse and a deeper understanding of the game. These will come in time and work.

But it would not help LeBron's legacy if Shaq aka The Big Mercenary indeed ends up in Cleveland. A ring - Shaq or no Shaq - is better than no ring, but LeBron will have to prove himself all over again.

And that ain't easy. Just ask Kobe.

P.S. Although only the folks at Nike know what the long-term plan is for the MVPuppets concept, I wouldn't be surprised to see "LeBron" get grilled by "Kobe" for not having a ring for a looooong time.

Even Nike knows that LeBron's got a looooong way to catch up to Kobe.

The Myth of Kobe's Hubris | DAILY SPORTS SELECT

2009-06-16T00:49:00.011+09:00

Prior to getting knocked out in 9 seconds against someone almost 50,
Tim Sylvia vowed to box "for all the MMA community."

I'm not going to go over the details; if you had been watching at least some of the Los Angeles Lakers games throughout the NBA Playoffs, then you know how much Kobe Bryant has improved his ability to control tempo with his complete game that encompasses world class scoring, ball-handling, passing, defense and rebounding.

That's why I believe that all the talk of Kobe's uncontrollable pride and ego were overdone. There's a grain of truth to the accusations, no doubt, but I attribute a large part of that to youth and immaturity.

The truth is that if Kobe was full of hubris, then he wouldn't have been able to develop his nirvana-like basketball game nor would he have finally carried his team to a title - without Shaq. It's true that there wasn't a team in this year's playoffs that was on the level of the 2008 Boston Celtics, but a championship is a championship.

Obviously, Kobe knew he was deficient in certain areas. And he worked tirelessly to strengthen himself in all aspects of the game, especially in developing an in-depth understanding of basketball. The man knew he could improve his leadership qualities, and the hard work has paid off.

I'm not saying the 2009 run has been perfect. There were times when Kobe looked like he was shooting the Lakers out of games. There were times when he should've stepped up his performance. But he's finally shed his demons.

Kobe's had some bumps in the road, on and off the court. He's had his vices, his accusations. He's had his haters. I myself didn't exactly warm up to Kobe.

But this is simply reiteration. My skepticism regarding Kobe has been gone for some time now.

Well done, Kobe. Keep up the good work. Regardless of what happens, I can never doubt you again.

If you want to talk hubris, talk Tim Sylvia. The former UFC heavyweight champion was supposedly boxing "for all the MMA community" but my feeling is that he took the almost-50-year old former heavyweight champion boxer Ray Mercer lightly - and got knocked out in 9 seconds.

Sylvia vs. Mercer : Where will Timber happen this year?
courtesy of Upstanding F***ing Citizens

Legal issues surrounding the fight turned what was originally a boxing match-in-a-cage into an MMA fight, but it didn't matter. Mercer simply struck first like lightning - and Sylvia crashed onto the canvas like a tree, with his lights already out.

Tim Sylvia disrespected the sport of boxing by openly eyeing the "ridiculous pay" before he proved he could box, so he got what he asked for. He could certainly take a cue from Kobe and Miguel Cotto on what it means to be a true professional.

If Tim Sylvia acted like a douche, at least Mirko Cro Cop was honest when he signed a three-fight deal with DREAM although he fought well in knocking out Mostapha Al-turk at UFC 99.

Deducing from the fact that he was disappointing in his prior stint in UFC and that he's adored in Japan, I think Cro Cop wanted the adulation that he would be getting in DREAM.

If Cro Cop is more comfortable fighting in front of the Japanese fanbase rather than being judged by fickle American MMA fans and the cold world of UFC, then more power to him.

Between Man-Crush and Love | BEATDOWNS! ANATOMY

2009-06-15T22:49:00.013+09:00

courtesy of borges773

You may have felt the fear in Miguel Cotto's eyes, but don't call him a coward.

You may have sensed the anxiety in Miguel Cotto's body language, but don't call him a wuss.

You may have seen Miguel Cotto's blood dripping out of his eyebrow, but the fight wasn't over.

You may have seen Miguel Cotto running away from Joshua Clottey to wipe the blood off his face, but don't say he wasn't a warrior.

The fear, the tension, the pain, the blood and the flight?

That's what it means to be human.

The Courage?

Simply Superhuman.

For the first time in my life, I truly understood what a man-crush was when I saw Miguel Cotto fight nine rounds with a severe cut over his left eyebrow to win a split decision over Joshua Clottey.

For the first time in my life, I truly understood what a man-crush was when I saw Miguel Cotto complete his long comeback from a vicious beating at the hands of Antonio Margarito - possibly with loaded gloves - by overcoming a crucible almost as brutal.

For the first time in my life, I truly understood what a man-crush was when Miguel Cotto simply fought on although he could've sent the fight to the judges' scorecards. After all, he had knocked Joshua Clottey down at the end of the first round with a hard jab and was leading on points. I agree with Large from No Mas that courage and toughness is such a part of Cotto's existence that calling it a night likely never even crossed his mind.

I know how it feels to love a woman. I know how it feels to love family. But maybe love is love. The man-crush I felt from watching Miguel Cotto didn't feel all that different from when you give your heart and soul to a woman or family.

Maybe I felt the man-crush on Miguel Cotto because his warrior heroics inside the ring and class outside are values that I try to live by.

Maybe I felt the man-crush on Miguel Cotto because I admire the way he triumphs over his frailties through honest perseverance.

I could finally understand with my heart and soul why Puerto Ricans go crazy for their hero.

But maybe love is love. When you love a woman or family, you accept the whole : the good and bad. You don't expect it back from them, but you're willing to take the ultimate sacrifice if it means saving them. When things go well, you want them to have all the joy. And when things don't, you want to spare them all the pain.

Miguel Cotto may or may not get a chance to fight Manny Pacquiao or Floyd Mayweather, Jr., much less beat them. He may even get his ass handed to him.

What I do know, though, is that he'll fight with all his heart and soul. He has shown throughout his career that he loves his profession, his fans and the Puerto Rican people too much not to.

And no matter what happens, I'll always thank Miguel Cotto for showing me for the first time in my life what a man-crush is.

The Cleftones Medley
1. Acapella intro
2. "Little Girl of Mine"
3. "Can't We Be Sweethearts"
4. "Heart and Soul"

How to snag a hottie | BEATDOWNS! PREVIEW

2009-06-13T08:51:00.020+09:00

Victoria Vannucci's butt is stuff of legend.
from Hombre Argentina May 2009

Like I mentioned in my previous piece, Miguel Cotto is a tough hombre. The same applies to his upcoming opponent Joshua Clottey.

And Vanessa Vannucci (who is getting featured repeatedly on HotNonPorn.com) is a super hottie from Argentina whom many men the world over would love to get into the pants of :

Miguel Cotto and Joshua Clottey may not be vying for the attention of Victoria Vannucci, but they might as well be, because stepping into the ring to face off an opponent ready to take your head off at any moment is the ultimate test of manhood.^* And manhood is what women like.

I can see the girls going crazy for Cotto even if he weren't a fighter. His intense, wordless, minimalistic demeanor makes him a mysterious tough guy. He's got class.

In the somewhat publicized fight between Cotto and his uncle Evangelista, Miguel Cotto didn't kick Evangelista's ass until said uncle threw a cement block at him and ended up smashing his 2009 Jaguar. And this uncle punched Cotto in the face and followed him home to fight some more after the initial scuffle. And he refuses to talk about the incident in public, saying it's a family affair. That's called self-control.

I don't think Joshua Clottey would be as popular as Cotto, but he'd do fine with the ladies nevertheless. He seems to have a quirky and unintentionally funny way of subtly expressing himself and that's a good thing to have.

How would things go inside the ring though? Who will the dime called the WBO welterweight title choose? What must Miguel Cotto and Joshua Clottey do to snag the hottie?

Perhaps what I think is Clottey's quirkiness manifests itself in his game. He's got a 5-10 reach at a height of 5-8 but his best weapons are his tight left hook and uppercut. He steps in and out of range with his high guard in place in case he gets hit. He could circle and utilize his long-range weapons (jab and cross) better. His fighting is counterintuitive, but he's a top welterweight who's fighting for a title on the eve of the National Puerto Rican Day Parade, so something has to be working right for him.

Cotto doesn't fight counterintuitively, but he's a mystery inside the ring as he is outside : Such a tough guy but not the best ring general; all about business but not a great defensive technician; an aggressive attacker with just enough boxing skill to not have to rely entirely on brawling.

Between quirk and mystery, I'd have to take the mystery on this one. Miguel Cotto's reach is just 5-7, but at least he circles and jabs. At least he moves laterally and puts together nice combinations. Joshua Clottey is like a poor man's Winky Wright with that high guard, but I can't see him scoring enough points to best the Puerto Rican hero. Cotto is no Paul Williams, but at least he's ferocious when on the offensive. Against a methodical Clottey, that and his decent boxing will be enough to get him a unanimous decision victory.

Not only will Cotto get his wife (WBO belt), he will also get his mistress (the proud pro-Puerto Rican crowd).

Victoria Vannucci's bush ain't bad either.

* To me, it's such a letdown to see a fighter pass the ultimate test of manhood in the ring only to f**k up outside.

8 Steps to Perfection | BEATDOWNS! HYPE

2009-06-11T12:10:00.011+09:00

"8 Steps to Perfection" by Company Flow

Much has been said over the years about Kobe Bryant's killer instinct and ego. In fact, I myself considered him to be a villain to be rooted against, although I had nothing against him personally. His desire to be the hero on the big stage and demand for perfection from teammates can still rear their ugly heads at times, but I think overall, the guy's mellowing out.

Kobe may not be blessed with LeBron James' natural exuberance or leadership qualities, but I admire the effort that he puts into improving his shortcomings. His voiceover in Kobe Doin' Work and going over X's and O's with his teammates during timeouts may be corny, but give the man credit : He's a worker.

At this point, it doesn't matter to me even if Kobe never wins another ring. He's won me over already with his genuine pursuit of perfection. I used to think of Kobe as a ballhandling liability who tries to do too much and shoots his team out of games, but these playoffs, his ability to control tempo through a combination of scoring, passing and ballhandling has shone through.

If the guy hasn't been perfect - like coughing the ball up in the waning moments of Game 3 of the NBA Finals against the Orlando Magic or drawing a questionable foul on a three-point attempt only to miss 2 of 3 freebies^* - cut him some slack.

He's human.

Miguel Cotto : The Archetype of the Tough Latino Male
Music : "Breath" by Breaking Benjamin
courtesy of Lil Kid Prod

If Kobe Bryant is the inspiration for mad scientists everywhere, then Miguel Cotto is the archetype of the tough Latino male/fighter. He may never become Felix Trinidad popularity-wise, nor does he have the flash of Floyd Mayweather, Jr. or smile of Manny Pacquiao, but Cotto sure knows how to kick ass - and look totally badass doing it.

Miguel Cotto's Saturday night throwdown against Joshua Clottey (10:35 PM ET, HBO) may be the Puerto Rican hero's most pivotal fight of his career. Cotto was severely beaten by Antonio Margarito (a tough vato who turned out to be a cheat) but bounced back nicely against Michael Jennings. Now facing an elite fighter almost as good as himself, this is Cotto's chance at redemption, and purging the demons from his loss to Margarito and fallout with uncle/trainer Evangelista.

With closure from the worst - and only - loss of his career and a new trainer, Cotto will have to demonstrate improved ring generalship and defensive skill to take his career to a new level. And crucibles get no tougher than the game Ghanaian Clottey, whose high guard is seemingly impenetrable and left hook and uppercut jarring.

Will Puerto Ricans forsake their beloved hombre if he loses to Joshua Clottey? No, Miguel Cotto's been too good during too many Puerto Rican Day weekends to lose his standing as a living Boricua legend. But too often, losing an important fight sends a boxer's stock reeling - and if Cotto falters this second chance at a breakthrough, his career would be one step towards going the way of Ricky Hatton.

Life is about survival of the fittest. We'll see if Cotto has what it takes to be naturally selected in the cold, cold world of the highest levels of his sport.

If Kobe Bryant is an athlete entering the final stages of his professional evolution and Miguel Cotto at the crossroads, then Dwight Howard is a cell waiting to evolve into a more advanced life form.

There is no player in the NBA more gifted genetically than Superman. The big man's mental gifts are overshadowed only by his imposing physique and powerful athleticism. I'm not going to go over D-How's physical gifts because if you're reading this piece, you already know about them. But there's something to be said about setting goals in high school to surpass LeBron James or talking a bunch of smack and then backing it up, like he did against Boston.

If Dwight Howard refines his post game, then he'll become better than Shaq. I've seen too much physical fitness, raw athleticism, defensive and rebounding prowess and propensity to improve (most notably his free throw shooting, but according to Henry Abbott at TrueHoop, also his post moves) to think otherwise. However, at this point, he's a more athletic, offensively gifted version of Dikembe Mutombo. He has also shown that, at times, he can be absolutely owned by the Spanish Mikan, Pau Gasol, in the NBA Finals.

Howard's going from Cro-Magnon to Homo sapiens will be dependent largely upon his taking up the advice of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the NBA's all-time leading scorer and owner of the deadliest shot in basketball history.

Because even Superman won't be able to outfly multiple defenders all of the time, Dwight Howard needs to get his post prowess and knowledge of the game to the point where he can just move to a spot on the floor and score off at most one dribble, always a step ahead of his defender.

Like the all-time underdog Jeff Van Gundy said.

* Was it just me or did Kobe have some sort of guilt trip after drawing the foul on Courtney Lee with 8:30 left in the third quarter? He proceeded to make just one of the three free throws and his night was pretty much weak after that. I thought I was watching Michael Corleone confessing his lifetime of sin in Godfather Part III.

Sexy Piece of Ass | BEATDOWNS! ANATOMY

2009-06-08T20:01:00.013+09:00

Maribel Fernandez : Argentine Ass is Amazing.
courtesy of Foro De Mujeres Famosas Argentinas

"Sports Guy" Bill Simmons, one of my favorite sportswriters, said recently about beloved Boston Red Sox first baseman "Big Papi" David Ortiz's decline :

Beefy sluggers are like porn stars, wrestlers, NBA centers and trophy wives: When it goes, it goes. You know right away.

Well, this isn't about porn stars or wrestlers or NBA centers or trophy wives. This is about the decline of some of the most exciting fighters in MMA, the sport's sexy pieces of ass.

In particular, this is about how this weekend's Strikeforce and WEC events were metaphors for the end of the eras of several trophy wives of MMA that provided thrills to MMA fans for the last few years.

Sex ended up trumping sexiness.
courtesy of Versus

For three years, Urijah Faber was one of the more recognizable faces of MMA, dominating his peers with 13 straight wins. He was the face - and future - of WEC. His rabbit-out-of-the-hat moves, relentless pressure and flashy personality made him a world class fighter who was as celebrity as a featherweight mixed martial artist could get.

Then, it's no surprise that even after getting dropped and pummeled by Mike Brown at WEC 36, Zuffa decided to give Faber the benefit of the doubt. They went ahead with his rematch against Jens Pulver, although both were demolished at the same event. The company also promoted Faber-Brown 2 via a Urijah-oriented campaign, although it was Brown who had looked impressive in his title reign.

It's all good. Zuffa made the right decision. In spite of his second loss in a row to Mike Brown, in which Brown dominated the high-kicking, back-turning California Kid with his methodical boxing, high guard, clinch- and mount-punching, Urijah Faber is a world class fighter who is not washed up. Due to the foundation he has laid down over the years, as long as he can beat guys like Jose Aldo and Leonard Garcia, Faber will stay in the hunt. Hell, I'd even like to see him in catchweight fights against explosive fighters like Miguel Torres or Clay Guida.

It's just that Urijah Faber's reign as top dog of the WEC and MMA's featherweight division is officially over. It's just that if the foreplay-sex-cuddle Mike Brown couldn't answer his porno flick audition judges' doubts even after he convincingly defended his title against Leonard Garcia, he left no doubt as to his manhood by unanimously decisioning the porn star-esque Faber in their rematch.

It's really sad to see a fighter go. In other sports, a washed up athlete just stinks. In combat sports, he gets brutally knocked out or beaten down. To a man, to get his ass kicked by another is the ultimate blow to his ego - and perhaps that's why a downed fighter continues to fight to regain lost glory. Although it becomes clear he must retire, he continues to fight, subjecting himself to a vicious cycle of beatdowns, damaged pride and dead brain cells.

After what happened to them at Strikeforce on Saturday night, I would advise Andrei Arlovski and Scott Smith to get out of the fight game at their earliest convenience.

I thought Arlovski would put his boxing training under the tutelage of Freddie Roach and Michael Moorer to good use, but he just stood in front of Brett Rogers, neither jabbing nor sidestepping. All Arlovski's weak low kick did was piss off Rogers to the point where The Grim wanted to rip The Pitbull's head off, which he did in 22 seconds.

Scott Smith's gutsy way of fighting looks sexy on TV, but as he found out once again against Nick Diaz, it doesn't do any good for his career or senses. With a Roy Jones-like stance Nick Diaz picked Smith apart on his feet, teeing off on his head with jabs and body with shovel hooks. One third-round body shot in particular dropped Smith, setting up Diaz's fight-ending rear naked choke.

As Andrei Arlovski and Scott Smith found out, flashy power and trading blows make fighters popular, but in the end, coming up short on the guile department is a surefire career path to becoming trophy wives, spouses who are treasured mostly for their sexy asses.

The Evolutionary Dead End | BEATDOWNS! PREVIEW

2009-06-03T21:08:00.009+09:00

Those whose best interests clash with yours will whack you.
from Casino
Music : "House of the Rising Sun" by The Animals

Different people have different styles. Different people come from different backgrounds. And different people have different interests and are placed in different circumstances.

Sometimes, different people co-exist. Other times, there must be a clash of civilizations - like when you put two gladiators inside a cage.

The intrigue behind this Saturday's (June 6) Strikeforce event (10 PM ET, Showtime) is the clash for the survival of the interests of the fighters and camps in the top 3 fights on the card :

1. Gracie Jiu-Jitsu via Jake Shields : When Royce Gracie first appeared on the MMA scene, he confounded fighters and fans alike with his Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. It worked for a while, but MMA has evolved to the point where being a one-dimensional submission specialist gets you knocked out. Hell, you even see BJJ experts like Jorge Gurgel choosing to slug it out rather than take the fight to the ground.

Jake Shields represents a highly evolved form in the continuum of the Gracie school of fighting, having a rudimentary striking but one of the most advanced grappling arsenals in MMA. His "strikes" are nothing but paws to feel out the distance between himself and his opponent and set up his takedowns.

Shields' takedowns happen in the blink of an eye, and once he gets his opponents down, he passes guard and mounts like he's teaching white belts. He pounds from up top, but again, these punches are nothing more than setups to his submissions.

He may not be well-rounded, but Jake Shields has shown more than enough ability to take care of himself with grappling/wrestling alone, like he did against Paul Daley.

via JaySpeaks

To the hardcore MMA fan, Shields is beautiful to watch, but I have a feeling that Robbie Lawler will use the coming opportunity to show that Jake Shields' method of fighting is merely an advanced form of an evolutionary dead end.

Lawler has great takedown defense and wrestling, and if Shields continues to fail to take him to the ground, Shields will have less and less endurance to counter Lawler's powerful strikes and deftness in the clinch.

The experience was mesmerizing while it lasted, but I think the legend of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu ends when Jake Shields gets knocked out by Robbie Lawler in Round 3 of their Strikeforce bout.

2. Andrei Arlovski : If Arlovski loses, this is pretty much the end of the road for him, as a knockout by Rogers will be the nail in the coffin of his glass chin.

Luckily for The Pitbull, he hits hard himself, and has improved his boxing tremendously since he started training with Freddie Roach. Having had more time to work with Roach - and preparing himself for his professional boxing debut in the process - he can probably take care of the one-dimensional Rogers with his hands and footwork alone.

Brett Rogers has knockout power but no technique; Andrei Arlovski - who gave Fedor Emelianenko quite a challenge before launching an inexplicable flying knee - is way above Rogers' head in just about every important MMA element (boxing, kickboxing, overall MMA skill, conditioning).

I expect Arlovski to get a feel for Rogers in the first round, then get a TKO victory over Rogers by the end of the second after taking him to school. He will save his career and buy himself time until his boxing skill develops enough to cover for his weak chin.

3. Scott Smith : Win or lose, Smith entertains. Unfortunately, he brawls and takes tremendous punishment even if he wins, like he did the last time against Benji Radach.

Fortunately, Scott Smith's fight against Nick Diaz will give him a break. Although only 30, Smith's days as a fighter are already numbered. He won't beat Nick Diaz either, but getting outboxed and then submitted in the second round by the light-punching jiu-jitsu expert will extend will restore about two fights to the career that was shortened by the wars with Lawler and Radach.