HotDamnTV

Drinking Game: Disney's S-Word In The Stone

2012-01-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

If I was hard pressed to give you my all time favorite Disney movie from when I was a kid The S-word In The Stone is easily in my top three. So many things about this movie are about as epic as you would think. The one voice actor with the really really deep voice, Merlin constantly getting his beard stuck in some shit, Arthurian legend, saucy sugar boys! Shucks, when my pops would get out the old Betamax tape and offer to show us boys this movie we would cheer harder than the N64 kid on Christmas morning. So now that we're all grow'd up we're gonna drink some beer and watch this flick again.

Step 1: Get a hold of Disney's S-word In The Stone
Step 2: ???

Rules:
Drink Whenever the following is said or heard:

Boy
Archimedes
Wart
S-word
Wizard
Magnificent Marvelous Mad Madam Mim (three)
Any derivation of Madam Mim including just Mim (once)
Merlin says "Hang it All" "Dash it all" or "Leave off"

Woah what woah! (twice)

Drink Whenever the Following is seen:

The Wart looks high as hell
Wolf gets fucked over
Characters drink
Characters spill drink, be it tea or wine while toasting etc (twice)
The sugar boy is a git
The Wart is hit on the head
Merlin's Beard is a comedic element, gets caught on something, used as a broom, etc

DEMERIT SYSTEM:
Throughout the film The Wart is issued demerits by his liege-lord. He has to spend time mucking and/or alternately demucking about in the kitchen for each demerit. Since you are more interested in drinking until you think you're a real squirrel boy you have to drink once for every demerit The Wart gets.

(4) Demerits for hanging about in the woods with a creepy old man
(3) Demerits for being late
(3) Demerits for a fish story
(3) Demerits for mouthing off
(10) Demerits for popping off (serious business)

Finish Your Drink When:

Notice The Wart has no pants on (coloring error near beginning keep those eyes open!)
The Wart pulls the s-word from the stone (both times)

NIGHTMARE MODE:

Waterfall whenever Merlin casts a spell. Note: the songs count. Yea. NIGHTMARE MODE.

Final Thoughts:

GRANT: This is some great stuff. I think the pacing is good, and after taking a second look through I did a bit of tweaking and adding double drinks etc. When I'm not drinking while I'm building a game I keep a tally of how many times each incident comes up and that is what I base the bulk of the final game on. There are so many tally marks by "boy" that it ran clear into another column and is crowding the notes about demerits. The film is a timeless classic, and to this day my brother and I still shout that one or the other is Pelenor (dash it all {from London}) and decry our news to be very big.

BRANDY "B-TANS" TANNAHILL: No more trying drinking games with wine. It's just a bad idea. HUURRKKKK... This all started out with me just drinking on "Wart" and "Boy", but real talk, there's lots of boys in this movie (sexykinda). About halfway through it got as intense as a double rainbow. In the unlikely event that you don't have the time to dedicate to watching this cinematic masterpiece all the way through you should queue it up to when birdie Wart meets the evil she-wizard - then do shots every time you hear "mad, madam, or Mimm". It's like playing Monopoly Jr... it takes less time and gets you just as trashed.

Bonus: When I went to Disneyland as a wee lad I was coerced by a strange fellow dressed as a wizard to try to pull the sword from the stone. I did it (like a boss) and was rewarded with a photograph and a certificate and suchlike. My parents probably still have this. King of England, bitches.

-G

P.S. BONUS: Here is B-Tans trying to pull the sword from the stone, but she can't cuz she's a girl and only boys get to be the King of ALL England. God wills it.

You'll Turn 360° and Walk Away

2011-12-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

I was so enthused after I re-read the incredible twofer I wrote a week ago that I decided we're doing Skyrim again. S'more. Only with 78% less "Arrow to the knee" jokes than the rest of the internet.

I present to you the top 5 things I hate about Skyrim:

After I logged around 150 game hours whenever I open up the directional menu with (B) it can take a variable amount of time for the down or left button (both on the d-pad and the analog stick) to actually function. Long enough to make me highly irritable (See picture at right). The same thing happens when I open up inventory menus whether it be looting bodies, chests, or my own sordid furniture in my house.

When placing loot in furniture that I own inside my house in Whiterun there is considerable lag when depositing individual items. Is this due to the large volume of stuff inside of a burlap sack under my bed or the cupboard by my door? Possibly, but why in this day and age when we have decades of computer science research into data structures can a company that makes GIANT games not have found a way to quickly and easily store data? I can only imagine that there are gremlins inside of my Xbox slowing down the spindle that turns my disc like some kind of burgeoning DJ who is attempting to scratch one of those doublesteppe records the kids like so much. I can't just throw everything I steal off the backs of the poor citizens into the moat, that would be just silly.

That feeling when I'm pretty sure I have "Whirlwind Sprint" equipped and I accidentally Fus Ro Dah an entire village square. The same kind of crestfallen feeling when you accidentally steal something in the alchemy shop that is frowned upon, when the proprietor seems totally cool with you stealing anything worth less than 100 Septim.

Why can't I climb more shit? I'm a climber. I want to climb to the very top of everything I can find, and by Talos I'll do it! I once got a job at the now defunct (thank's EA) Pandemic Studios because I shared my love of climbing with the gal who interviewed me.

"Tell me about how you play games, Grant," she said.

"I climb. In Crash Bandicoot I would always try to run to the very edge of the on-rails style levels and jump onto something that just got me stuck in mid air. WWF: Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain I would construct ludicrous tottering towers built with tables upon tables upon ladders upon spanish announcer tables. I only cared about one thing when a new Smack Down came out: how many tables can I screw around with? My all time favorite game is Shadows of the Colossus, a game about if nothing else climbing." I shared.

"You are perfect, we are going to hire you! Here, go play Saboteur and write some Bug Reports." the gal offered.

And then EA shut down the company and I no longer had a job.

WHY WON'T THE FUCKING DRAGON LAND SO I CAN KILL IT!?!

But I really do like Skyrim and I have logged almost 200 in game hours. I'll keep playing til there's new Modern Warfare 3 content or I get fed up with finding cabbage inside of sacks laying on the floor of a dungeon that no one has set foot inside of for hundreds of years.

-G

Twofer Tuesday

2011-12-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

Fus Ro Dan!~ Today's twofer is about something very dear to my heart. I was a big fan of Elder Scrolls IV: Morrowind having logged quite a bit of time with my twin's help, and the sequel is no exception. Having just witnessed Skyrim win Game of The Year at Spike Tv's Video Game Awards (Yea, I was working at it and I met Charlie Sheen and saw Stifler and Deadmau5 and all sorts of cool dudes - including but not limited to Hideo Kojima and his Hiro Nakamura-esque pal and Shigeru Miyamoto. This {while a bit more interesting} is unfortunately a tale for another time.) I decided today is all about Skyrim baby.

Occasionally you bump into glitches and bugs, especially in a game as large as Skyrim. Bethesda I'm not mad at ya, I've only gotten stuck in the geometry like 8 times and had my game crash at the load screen like 5. On this particular occasion the texture for the dragon I was battling only sorta loaded. I quickly got out my camera and began to record it for posterity, but as soon as I killed it everything became pretty again. So ends another exciting dragon battle in the cold and brutal land of Skyrim.

I just got the Block skill to 100 and I decided I'd toast exactly how high ones levels are at 65. I'm a bad bad man. Really this video is just an internets dick-measuring contest. And yes, mine is the biggest.

Thanks for tuning in to this weeks twofer. What's in the future? A holiday themed rap song? New Years Resolutions? TK's Birthday? Trying to convince Dan to buy us a laser that is too powerful for any reasonable consumer application? All this and more (maybe)!

-G

Bonus: Have you read TK's blog about Kate from Lost? We were having a few pints last night and he started saying much of what you can now read and it was so funny that we did it live and he wrote it. You should probably read it again.

An Open Letter to the Actress who Played Kate on Lost:

2011-12-10T00:23:00.000-08:00

TK writes:

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I love you. Lets get for real married. I don't know if you're married in real life or not, because I'm afraid to Google you, cause I'm afraid you might be married.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I know you spent a lot of time in Oahu during production of the show, but I could totally take you to a bunch of awesome spots. I like Shiro's in Pearl City, they have great saimin.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I'm a pretty good cook, and also good at sex. I suppose it would be unfair to ask you to accept these claims on faith, therefore I am willing to prove myself. I mean if you want.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, how are you so pretty? OMG you're so pretty. OMG stop flirting with me.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I know I'm a little late to the "Lost" bandwagon, but please do not hold that against me. <3

Actress who played Kate on Lost, my roommate said that some of the actors on the show got DUIs during production, and that ABC reacted by killing their characters off prematurely. I'm glad that you didn't get a DUI because then you wouldn't be on the show as much and your perfect face wouldn't get beamed into my living room via Netflix.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I painted my car army green with military stencil lettering on the side. It's so rad I wanna show it to you. You'll love it.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, you lived in Hawaii when you were shooting Lost. I'm Hawaiian! OMG we have so much in common.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I just watched episode 301 and actor who played Sawyer gave you a fish biscuit. I would give you like 5 fish biscuits, real talk.

Actress who played Kate on Lost, I work out a lot and I'm pretty handsome.

Do you like me?

YES ( )
NO ( )
MAYBE ( )

You'll Turn 360° and Walk Away

2011-11-20T08:00:00.000-08:00

A lot has been happening lately guys and lady-guys. The gang and I have been working a bit and writing a bit less and shooting even less. Why is this? Is it the economy? The 1%? My father's lingering suspicions about my sexual orientation? Nay, the answer is much simpler. Two words:

Skyrim and Modernwarfarethree.

Between the two of those games it is a wonder that the entire United States hasn't ground to a halt. (Fun Fact: in Japan whenever they release a new Dragon Quest game its pretty much a national holiday the next day because everyone would call in sick anyway) But you might be one (percent) of the unlucky ones who has very little money or hates America and doesn't want to play some delicious brand new software. How then will you be able to boast of your digital conquests amongst patriots and dragonborn when you are stuck with nothing but the vidya games of yesteryear? The answer is to play Nuketown. Stick with me here.

Multiplayer is fun sure, but you need to up the ante. As a sporting man you need a challenge that will make your mates take note and perhaps even pause to consider breaking out their copy to see if they're bad enough dudes. TK and I came up with this (to be fair I'm not sure who deserves more credit because we were drinking at the time) a little bit before MW3 dropped as a way to kill some time. The rules are as follows:

Pop in your copy of Carl of Duty: Black Cops. Go to Multiplayer-Local-Split Screen- and set up a map at Nuketown. Set the time limit to 15 minutes, the score to 30,000 points, and enemy robot to quantity 9 and difficulty to recruit. This is part of the fun because its like playing with zombies that don't try to bite you and take something like two minutes to draw a bead on you. Recruit difficulty makes them unable to tie their shoes, its a wonder they can still get the rifle pointed the right way. As far as perks,weapons, equipment and killstreaks: anything goes. Do what you have to do to get the job done marine.

It is a lot of fun, somewhat difficult to get done and just challenging enough to make you wanna keep playing. The fun doesn't have to stop there though, make up your own variation! How many kills can you get with crossbows in 15 minutes (not 300, that shit is impossible), how many knife kills, the gun of your father only, shotgun only, the world is your oyster.

While you're busy doing that, I'm going to go back to crawling dungeons in Skyrim and defending your freedom in MW3. That's it for now, stay tuned for some exciting new content (I swear).

-G

LOL Jersey Shore?!

2011-11-02T16:22:00.000-07:00

Hollywood is a thing. People are plastic, egos are huge, it's just plain cartoony how some talent and heck even some crew members live up to the stereotype of being super fake. I've seen grown men panic that they didn't get their mochacchinolatterobot in T minus 5 seconds. Reality TV sucks us in and it's super fun to watch a bunch of people hustle their butts off to make a salad or a cupcake or a dress in 30 minutes. But some shows cause this awful ridiculous cross-over to occur.

Stand by for exposition:

On Jersey Shore there's an episode where Snooki is depressed about something (I think it's being an alcoholic) and thusly moped into her print shop job and refused to work. Her girl friends then brought in some meathead for her to gawk at and she then promptly perked up

and left her store to go see how quickly she could coax this dood into giving her some biblical knowledge. IRL that ho would be fired on the spot. In any profession you can't just up and leave. However on the reality TV universe that is Jersey Shore, her boss confronted her while she was sippin' on a straw and making BJ faces at this guy and SHE ARGUED that it's ok because she's having a bad day. The issue was then resolved by her going back to work and not even getting a slap on the wrist for walking out.

That was the first and last episode of Jersey Shore I watched, about a year ago. I laughed it off and decided those people don't exist. HA!

Exhibit A:

This guidette was a "Production Assistant" on a show I worked on. Observe the Gucci set wear on her belt. In case you are a dude in our 18-24 demographic and have no clue what the hell Gucci is, here's an example of it for you:

That's right, you're looking at a five hundred and thirty dollar fanny pack. Housewives buy that kind of thing so they can have a purse that is a billboard for how much of their husbands' money they can flush down the toilet. As a PA, she's making about 1/4 of that fanny pack as a day rate, so she's either "the 1%" and she sits around taking other people's jobs for fun, or she's just painfully bad with money. I later found out she was fired.

The kind of people that spend all day taking bathroom breaks to make sure hair and makeup is perfect and text as often as they breathe are not the people who create shows like Jersey Shore. Those are the people who watch them. On set, behind the camera, and in the office are people who work 12 hour days minimum and have a valiant work ethic. If they don't fit that description, (as evidenced above) they don't last long. Reality TV is reality TV, and reality is reality. This is a perfect example of how the two do not cross over.

BONUS! TK's PA gear:

sim·i·lar

2011-11-02T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about writing a few articles about this for a while now. Here goes part one of an on going series on movies that are awfully similar. Was one studio just too lazy to think up an original idea? Is there some "inspired by" going on? Is America just ready for two movies about Victorian era magicians? The people cry out, and its for two movies about trains.

Monsters and Troll Hunter (English title, LØL) are two pretty fresh movies. Both are shot with a very low budget (Troll Hunter being the higher of the two, but still very small relative to bigger movies.) and filmed in a way that uses very unsteady Cloverfield flavored camera work, with the digitally inserted critters as the star of the film. In Monsters this is simply because of the guerrilla style shooting they did with little to no crew or permission, and in Troll Hunter we are watching "found footage" from a Norwegian community college film crew who decided to bother some poor man who murders trolls for a living (I find the whole found footage genre very insulting, much like Firespinners and Dub Step, but I digress..).

Let's take a look at some stats:

"Troll Hunter":
Budget: NOK 19,900,000(around 3.5 million USD)
Release Date: October 2010
CGI Monsters: Trolls. Lots of 'em. Big fuckers too.
Plot: Follow around some guy while he tries to kill or avoid trolls.
Rotten Tomatoes: 82%
Longest Name in Credits: Torunn Lødemel Stokkeland - Hilde, veterinär
Trailer:

"Monsters":
Budget: $800,000
Release Date: October 2010
CGI Monsters: All sorts of scary alien creatures. Big fuckers too.
Plot: Follow around some dumb girl through Mexico back to USA while killing or avoiding aliens.
Rotten Tomatoes: 71%
Longest Name in Credits: Kenia Guadalupe Dominluez Yamas - Little Girl in Pick-Up Truck
Trailer:

Both movies are very cool and worth a watch. I learned about Troll Hunter from a painter who worked on Top Chef with me (shout out to my boy Bean) in Texas and I thought he was kidding. He replied "Nay, verily it is a thing." and asked if I had ever seen Monsters because he felt that it had a similar stylistic approach. Monsters is not only a cool giant creature flick, but it combines subtle unertones of political commentary and relationship drama to make it not just an exploitative "Lookit the creature" type deal but a film with some real substance. Troll Hunter (pic on right related, it is a troll) takes the rather formulaic "found footage" genre and does it the way it should be done. You could compare Apollo 18 (neat) to Cloverfield (meh) as an example.

-G

BONUS: Have you guys seen our new vidya? We made it the other day. Shit is very fresh. Also we filmed it on Ryan Neal's SLR camera. Holy-depth-of-field-Batman.

Twofer Tuesday

2011-11-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

This one is almost too easy. I spent ~~hours~~ a few minutes pouring over the HotDamn archives to make sure we've never covered this meme. This one is serious you guys. Like Leeroy Jenkins and Nintendo 64 Kid serious.

This one is the grandpappy of them all. What song is he enjoying the fuck out of? What language is that? Urdu? Farsi? That Africa-language with all the clicking and shit? I'm not even sure but it is incredible. This video spawned zillions of imitations and tribute vidyas, each one more delicious than the last.

It took months of planning and countless hours of hard work (read: playing Call Of Duty: Black Cops) to decide what the perfect companion video for the original was. The trololol guy got a similar treatment on some kind of Danish variety show (pretty awesome in and of themselves) where they upped the ante and did the song REAL big. Big like Guns 'N Roses with a full orchestra. Big like Meatloaf big. I dunno what this is from but its the Numa Numa song performed in an operatic style. It is good , oh yes, it is good.

-G

EntertainMENt

2011-10-26T07:00:00.000-07:00

After days and days of failed attempts to fight the boys away from the TV, I finally acquired it as Grant was passed out and TK was out of town. Let us bask in the glory of silence for awhile...

... ah yes... no angry reports of gunfire from our speakers from Call of Duty: Black Ops... no awful AWFUL B movies Grant found on Netflix about dark carnivals and/or Kung Fu and suchlike. A moment to myself. Now I get to do girl things...

Who am I kidding, I'm not very good at being a girl. I didn't watch a chick flick, or invite the ladies over. PSSH No way. I was supposed to be at work... that work being an extra gig in which I am at a bachelorette party looking shocked and awed at my girl the bachelorette's wild and crazy behavior. Yes, I found it on craigslist. Yes, it's for a porn. And yes... I chickened out. But only because I wasn't able to get ahold of my dad in time to ask him how ashamed he would be of his depraved daughter's behavior getting facetime in a porn. But that ship has sailed, and now here I am, luxuriating around the apartment and applying for jobs to fill that void of the would be $140 of ill gotten sustenance.

AND THUS will I resume my routine - put on a movie, fire up job search engines and craigslist on my laptop (Grant, it's a macbook PRO thank you. Quit hating.) and try once again to be a grown up.

THIS MORNING'S MOVIE IS...
(haha morning? I woke up at 1PM)

"Amadeus"

It's old and it's mainstream, so I'm probably boring you but get over it because I have a huge hard on for this movie. Here's a few reasons:

It won 8 Oscars in 1984, including Best Picture. (Not a big deal) and Film composer John Strauss won a Grammy for producing the soundtrack.

It's silly!

Dudes dressed up as birdies singing an opera:

Mozart's redonkulous laugh:

The characters are very compelling and the acting is spot on. The story is about Mozart and what a complete asshole he is while he dominates the Vienese (and thereby "world" - that is - european) music scene. BONUS: It also follows the vengeful and jealous story of his contemporary Antonio Salieri, which is very moving and dramatic:

I am a big European history nerd, so I geek out like crazy over this. Here's some neat stuff to keep in mind as you dedicate 2 hours and 40 minutes to the director's cut. DO IT ANYWAY, don't puss out because of big numbers.

IRL - Mozart's requiem was never finished, he died before it could be completed. The music had someone else's handwriting on the several pages leading up to when it stopped.

"Requiem" was commissioned anonymously - it was later discovered to be commissioned by an Austrian aristocrat, Count Walsegg, who had an established pattern of paying well for anonymous works from composers and taking credit for them.

In the period leading up to Mozart's death, he became very ill and whilst working on Requiem was quite convinced that he was poisoned.

Salieri and Mozart were known rivals. Mozart has several correspondences with friends in which he indicates Salieri may be up to something nefarious.

Salieri was committed to a mental institution for dementia.

Habsburg Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II was known for being a patron of the arts, but with little knowledge of music. Jeffrey Jones' portrayal of him and his scripting is perfect.

Note: Most of these infos are paraphrasings from me having watched the featurette documentary from the Director's Cut DVD, internet investigationry on Wikipedia and it's sources (some people click them) and me being smart and shit. Yeah, I took the AP Euro test and got a 4 without taking the class - NOT A BIG DEAL. I'm not a grown up though, so I'm not gonna spend the time finding the sources again to cite them after Grant closed my shit while I was working.

-B-Tans

Grant writes:

Couldn't let Brandy have the last word chums. You were probably thinking to yourself "Self, we finally made it through a hotdams toasting that wasn't about Insane Clown Posse! Neat! Theres no way Grant or anyone else for that matter can figure a way to tie ICP and Mozart together." But wait, there's more:

ICP and Jack White (yea, that Jack White from the White Stripes) recently collaborated on a song entitled "Leck Mich Im Arsch". The melody for the song was written by Mozart back in 1776 or some shit, and then a few million years later Jack White did some producering to it and then ICP laid down some words on top of it. Its not a big deal. ICP sold the track on vinyl for a limited time on their website. Stranger than fiction. Mozart bitches.

-G

Even More Pictures of Clowns Juggalos and Soda Pop!

2011-10-22T01:15:00.000-07:00

For your viewing pleasure please feel free to browse all 225 pictures that made the final cut from our shoot at Insane Clown Posse's American Psycho Tour:

Don't forget guys the tour still has a few dates left! Also this just in straight from Psychopathic Records:

ICP has been celebrating Halloween night for the past 17 years by throwing a massive party in Detroit called Hallowicked. This coming October 31st marks the duo’s 18th Annual Hallowicked show, which promises to be super exciting with performances by ICP and their label mates Twiztid and Blaze Ya Dead Homie. Dancing Zombies + Insane Clowns + Musical Horror Stories Rapped Over Catchy Beats + Face Painted Juggalos Covered in Faygo + Most Entertaining Event on Halloween night = HALLOWICKED!!!!

Hallowicked will take place at the Fillmore. The official Hallowicked after party will immediately follow at St. Andrews Hall, which will feature JCW matches and a performance by Wolfpac. We regard Hallowicked as a national event, as Juggalos from all over the US and Canada are always in attendance. This year we’re making Hallowicked available for Juggalos and media world wide! So, if you are not able to attend due to location the show will be broadcasted live via internet pay-per-view at www.psychopathiclive.com.

-G

Twofer Tuesday

2011-10-18T07:00:00.000-07:00

This week the two-fur comes to us from the loftiest heights of the interbutts. One was a leftover from the twofer grab bag (where I save videos I've found myself or I've forgotten whom I stole them from) and the other was foisted upon me by none other than Dan Beam (the guy who is going to buy me and TK a laser that costs like $1,000.00 because he loves us).

Bad commercials are incredible. The first sentence under the next video is going to say the same damn thing. Now a days people seem to be trying to make their videos bad intentionally to gain a bit of intertube celebrity. But from one E-Personality to another I must tell you a secret: There is no money on the internets. Sort of like girls, just not there. Also real talk we're going to go visit this guy and try to figure out why he won't taxidermize pets.

Bad commercials are incredible. This commercial is totally fake and not even a thing but it is still pretty awesome. If I only owned a VCR I would call this number and try to turn it into cash. I love the internet.

-G

BONUS: The laser Dan is going to buy for us.

Drinking Game: Sunshine

2011-10-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Real talk, Sunshine is easily one of my and TK's favorite films. Danny Boyle is a master of the post/near apocalyptic genre. Also for an added bonus, the soundtrack is incredible and has been featured in motion pictures and television recently (Kick Ass for one). Everything is fundamentally awesome. Get some beer and peel your peepers cuz this is one hell of a movie.

Step 1: Get a hold of Sunshine (holy shit the BLU-Ray is prettty)

Step 2: ???

Rules:
Drink Whenever the following is said or heard:

Capa

Sun

Icarus

Units of time (14 hours, 10 seconds, 8 minutes anything with a number and a unit)

Payload

Drink Whenever the Following is seen:

Sun

Killian Murphy Sulks

"Icarus"

A crew member dies

Someone drinks

Flash frames of other crew members

NIGHTMARE MODE:

Waterfall whenever Pinbacker vision happens (that trippy wax on lens, double camera shit that happens whenever Pinbacker is on screen)

Finish Your Drink When:

One of the Icarus II's crew dies

Final Thoughts:

RYAN NEAL:

My favorite part was when those two guys were totally gay. You know. Those two guys kept giving each other looks. You know. The Captain and Capa. They totally had something going on. Shit was obvious. The movie was great. The game was drunk. And.. if you're looking to watch a good movie and enjoy a good beer... The rules were very good. Aaah... Ya know. I got too drunk to think of anything actually appropriately funny. I think that you would get drunk and enjoy a great fucking movie at the same time. The rules get you thinking that male characters had sex with other characters. Maybe they did. Maybe they didnt. There were too many Capas. The Sun was making eyes at everyone. Capa and Mace were definitely fucking.

BRANDY "B-TANS" TANNAHILL:

Don't try this with wine HHGGGGNNN... It was difficult to keep track of things at the beginning, but it made sense at the end, which is not typically how it works. That ho should not be so mopey (Rose Burne), that made me mad. The guys should have operated the switch with the suit on and then floated over, but that did not happen so I was mad (referring to when Icarus I gets cut off from Icarus II and there is only one space suit). Excellent movie, Excellent game, not a good idea to play the game the first time you see it.

TK:

Its one of those drinking games where a few rules give you consistent drinks. Almost too much though, almost on par with the Conan drinking game. However being one of the best films ever made I willl Allow it. Also I am drunk. And Rose Burne is the sexiest female alive.

GRANT:

Ryan Neal is so high. This is easily the best movie ever made. The drinking game was good. I can't believe TK and I have watched this movie so many times and this is the first time we've actually put pen to paper and made the game. Feels great though. Try NIGHTMARE MODE for an added challenge!

There was some kind of huge hullabaloo with the soundtrack. Apparently they never copyrighted it or only one of the guys from the composing team did or whatever. But they never really released an official soundtrack apart from an iTunes release. Anyway, listen to some of the delicious music:

BONUS: Every other time we've watched it we just drank until we couldn't feel feelings, which is always a great way to appreciate some mother f'ing cinema. :3

-G

More Stuff about ICP!

2011-10-14T16:56:00.000-07:00

So we were at the ICP show at The Grove last weekend, doin all sorts of science. Psychopathic Records was shooting a music video, here read their description:

"...with no preparation, no budget, and no planning they shot a music video on the fly to go along with the track at the venue in LA! In addition to ICP, Twiztid, Blaze, and Big Hutch the music video features cameos by some of Psychopathic’s homies who had randomly stopped by to say hello at the LA gig. This includes Johnny Richter of the Kottonmouth Kings, Ron Jeremy, and Dennis White of Charm Farm AKA Static Revenger. But really, the biggest stars of the video are easily the Juggalos..."

-InsaneClownPosse.com

Sounds pretty serious, I know. There is one thing they forgot though, Brandy is totally in this music video. Stand by for her worldwide debut as featured talent:

-G

BONUS: Check out the video!

The Show Must Go On

2011-10-08T21:10:00.002-07:00

(Click on me for full glorious resolution)

Once in a while the moon and the stars align and something pretty rad happens in this great nation of ours. Psychopathic Records has pulled out all of the stops to bring a spectacle (the likes of which hasn't been seen in ages) to your big town. HotDamnTV had the very serious privilege of being invited to witness this spetacle when the Dark Carnival creeped, slithered, and slid through Anaheim, California (known to some as the county made of oranges). Coming to you (more dead than a)live from The Grove at Anaheim, we are proud to present Insane Clown Posse's American Psycho Tour.

Right coast staples of the wicked shit (and your one-stop-shop for a good portion of the folks that used to roll with the Bloodhound Gang) Wolfpac opened up. Daddy Long Legs and the boys no doubt entertained the shit out of the Juggalos in attendance with their blend of bad ass hip hop and "strippers" that fail to fulfill one of their primary jobs in life (removing clothing). I've seen these guys do their thing many a time and I am never disappointed. They always take the time to send a few representatives out to their merch table to give daps to all of the ninjas that came out. Unfortunately, we missed their set due to traffic.

Blaze delivered a solid set. When you go on a tour that is one Hatchet Warrior shy of Dark Lotus, you can expect to be entertained. He played all the classics like "Nasty" and "Hood Rat" and "Saturday Afternoon". The dead man had everyone's hands waving back and forth for "Escape Artist". A lot of Blaze's stuff is written with a hype man involved, but to save Mr. Grundy a bit of breath, he just wrapped his parts and then let the playback take care of the rest of the vocals. Notably absent were ABK or The ROC, who usually take the stage with him to lay down the hype. When you have this many acts sharing the same stage, some artists would just opt to hang up a banner, but considering Blaze only had the first 5 feet of the stage to work with, they put together a pretty cool backdrop (a giant clock riddled with bullets).

Next up were the Monoxide Child and The Multiple Man, collectively known as Twiztid! They opened up laughing like a lunatic with their song "Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha" from their album w.i.c.k.e.d. The Juggalos popped like The Rock had just hit The Rock Bottom on a jabroni. They moved right on to "Die Motherfucker Die", and the whole crowd was screaming back the lyrics at the top of their lungs. My photographer asked me about the lack of crowd surfing and mosh pits (which she had come to know from seeing Twiztid in Hollywood). My best theory is that there were just too many people packed into such a small area to even get that kind of mayhem started.

Segueing right into an old school and somewhat obscure favorite, the fearsome twosome showed off their skills with "Murder Murder Murder". They played through a huge portion of their discography with tracks like "Sex Drugs Money and Murder", "We Don't Die", "Bussyoheadopen", "So High" and "They Told Me". All great stuff.

Some of the stand outs from their set were "Afraid of Me" as well as the songs they did when Blaze Ya Dead Homie came back out to lay down his part of "4 Thoze of U" and "How I Live". This was a rare treat, and the performance of this track was made even fresher because it was a special remixed version of "How I Live".

Right before ICP was scheduled to hit the stage, JCW super star Corporal Robinson came out with a camera crew. The crowd was ready for the clowns, and he went on to whip them into a frenzy to film a little bit of a video for a song by (the myth, the legend) Legs Diamond. Fans of the Clowns will recognize Legs from his instrumental and vocal work all over ICP's catalog. Rumors have been floating around about him working on an album since I was a kid, so I can only imagine the project is nearing completion.

There are a few times during the night when the crowd got so loud it was deafening. The first time was when the house lights cut off to signal the start of ICP's set. The speakers thrummed with bass and a record slowly spun up in vaudevillian fashion. The curtains opened, and the lights came up to the tune our National Anthem. And oh say, I could see: a stage covered in pristine unopened Faygo 2 liters, and a patriotic interpretation of the letters ICP as tall as the entire backdrop. The crowd is in a total frenzy at this point, screaming for the clowns. Shouts of "ICP" "Family!" and "We Want Faygo" are battling for supremacy over the general roar. Then, out come Shaggy 2 Dope and Violent J on tricycles pimped out in styles both patriotic and psychopathic.

The crowd was beside themselves, or at least they would have been if there was any room in the pit. (They

were packed in there like Vienna Sausages.) ICP opened with "In Your Face" off of Bang Pow Boom, and immediately the clowns had the audience right where they wanted them. After a few bars, Violent J grabbed the first 2 liter of the night and the crowd went (pardon the pun) insane.

For those of you who don't know, an Insane Clown Posse concert is like a baptism in Faygo. You don't attend the concert so much as tread soda pop the entire time. Tonight, the true believers were ready for their sacrament. ICP does not disappoint, they even have "Faygo Breaks" periodically during the show (during one of which I had to dive in front of my photographer to save her very expensive camera from a high velocity sample of Faygo Diet Rootbeer that was being fired from a water cannon). What is it like to be at one of these shows? Awesome. Fucking amazing. I have lost count of the people who have told me they hate ICP and then have gone to a show and can't stop raving about how much fun it was.

Trying to write notes on the set list and what ever else was going on, (even when hiding behind a speaker stack) was difficult at best. You know that scene from Forrest Gump when he is in Vietnam, and he's writing that super fine gal from The Princess Bride letters about how the rain falls sideways and falls up and there was hard rain and soft rain and all that? Well imagine that but with thousands of variegated flavors of diet Faygo and that is a pretty close approximation.

The set list had a very good sampling of some of the fan favorites. "Hokus Pokus", "Dead Body Man", "Bitches", "The Show Must Go On", "Tilt-A-Whirl", "Birthday Bitches", "I Stab People", "Fuck The World", "Miracles", "Down With The Clown" (Remix), "Marsh Lagoon", "The Nedden Game", "Let's Go All The Way", "Homies" (w/ Twiztid), "If I Was A Serial Killer", and finally "Bang Pow Boom" for the Faygo Armageddon at the end of the show.

ICP's stage show is quite elaborate (as if rapping and throwing deelicious 2 liters onto the masses wasn't enough). For "Dead Body Man" they had a crew of zombies come out who would alternately grab Faygo and just flop around dead on the stage. For "Chicken Hunting" they threw feathers all over the crowd (and soda, don't think I forgot) and I feel like there was some sort of racist redneck effigy that was hurled out there too. For "Birthday Bitches" streamers were thrown, and most ended up tangled in the lighting grid. For a special treat, Twiztid even came out to share the stage and do their verses from "Homies".

The final number was quite a spectacle this tour. For years ICP has ended the show on a high note and brought out everyone on the tour (as well as a whole heap of their pals) to throw the last of the soda. This is known as the Faygo Armageddon, and for good reason: if you weren't wet before, you will be by the end of this thing. ICP's thing is all about the packaging. Mainstream artists sell 200,000 units on iTunes, do a shitty arena show and then go home, but not the clowns. On this tour, ICP began offering VIP packages for the first time, which includes a Meet & Greet, Tour Shirt, CD, and (but wait there's more) the chance to participate in the final number, and help dump soda on your fellow ninjas in the pit. Breaking down the barrier between artist and fan is what separates Psychopathic from the majority of big label acts and even a lot of the independent ones.

A BIG thank you to Psychopathic Records for inviting us to take part in one of their biggest and baddest tours to date. Another thank you goes out to the staff at The Grove of Anaheim, especially all the poor bastards that had to clean all that crap up. Stay tuned, we'll be posting more pictures on a flickr for all your observing pleasure as soon as we get 'em all watermarked with our Ace photographer Brandy's name all over 'em.

Here is a quick sample of what you are missing if you don't go see this show! (This was shot in another state, earlier on the tour.) Buy the ticket, take the ride my friends.

BONUS: TOUR DATES FOR THE REST OF THE AMERICAN PSYCHO TOUR!

-G

Twofer Tuesday

2011-10-04T07:00:00.000-07:00

I've found that a large amount of work can be cut out by simply stealing content from other people. Of course, I still have to type words so that the videos are framed by all sorts of pretty letters and apostrophes and such, but when you've been on the internets since the days of 26k modems and AOL and such like it can be quite a nuisance to try to find new content to share (steal). So without further wordage, here are two from Juliet (however she doesn't know she submitted them)

We've been making fun of twilight since before it was cool ( This and that and this and i guess that). Mostly because Sean has read all of the books and is therefore some kind of 12 year old (tween?) girl. This video captures all of the wonder of the later films and also 80% of the sexuality. I am going to mark this as legitimately lol inducing.

The commenters cry fake, and i'm inclined to believe them but this is a video of some handsome fella who was minding his own business dangling his balls out of his window whilst enjoying a cigarette when suddenly his loving pooch pearl harbors him and spooks him out the window. Second floor? Twelfth floor? We can only hope. Standing by to see this on tosh.o but none of our shit.

SPECIAL THANKS: Juliet, some kind of female critter.

-G

BONUS: Today is 10-4! Happy radio jargon for copying a message day.

Twofer Tuesday

2011-09-27T07:00:00.000-07:00

So I ~~don't know~~ can't remember if I told you internets, but I have a deep dark secret. I love one of the dumbest movies ever made. Never Back Down is one of my all time top 10 films. I've been meaning to make a drinking game out of it for a while but I'm always too entranced by Jake Tyler's struggle to overcome the odds and be a toughguy footballteam and be all good looking at a new school and his daddy drank too much and hasn't practiced drunk drivingenough.

I know what you're thinking. WOW. Just wow. It looks incredible, well guess what? It is. MMA was becoming the hottest new thing since the Razor scooter and all the kids were clamoring for Tapout Tees and Xyience energy drinks until the hollywood machine finally gave them what they wanted. What The Princess Bride did for fencing and that guy from ER, this movie did for Mixed Martial Arts and Jake Tyler. Real talk though, I have been making fun of this movie for so long I have come to love it.

I recently found out that a sequel has snuck its way out directly to DVD (lol remember when that meant it would be at Blockbuster?) and there are some important things you need to know about this gem (no I have not seen it yet):

Jake Tyler isn't in it, well not the original Jake Tyler anyway. I'm not sure if they're fronting like this new cat is him or not
Where is my Baja? Not only is she a delicious flavor of Gordita at Taco Bell, but she was also very easy on the eyes.
Hell Yea the nerdy friend guy from Kickass is in this one too, much like that same sheriff guy was in all the Critters movies but none of the other "stars" (snicker) stuck around for such celluloid gold as Critters 4.
I worked on a project with two guys that were grips on this movie and i totally geeked out when i found out, stay tuned for a probable interview or at least HotDamns endorsement from said guys.

BONUS: A picture of my name in the credits of Top Chef : Just Desserts 2

-G

Best Cook : Only Sweets Season 2

2011-09-24T01:56:00.000-07:00

So you may have noticed that we've posted exactly 2MB of new content flavored data. I feel like we've already made amends and you've forgiven us, much like a girlfriend will forgive you playing Gears of War 3 for 6 hours whilst ignoring the shit outta her. Perhaps you were wondering what we were up to? Well since we can only talk about the stuff we've done after it has been aired, clap your peepers on this eye candy:

Here is intrepid girl adventurer Brandy getting serious face time with Chef Orlando on episode 205. She also had a line ( "Thank you" ) which tbqh is more than I've gotten in all my years of failed acting. She was paid in delicious chef treats and got to hang out at WATERLOO in SAN DIMAS for free.
TK and I both worked for Top Chef Just Desserts 2 as Production Assistants. Or Executive Producers, depending on how good I am at lying to you. When you think about all the insane amounts of dishes, prep work, and other miscellaneous stuff that goes into making a show happen (especially a reality cooking show competition) basically PAs are the delicious gluten that binds all of that stuff together. Like a delicious gluten-full cookie.
Yup, not a big deal. According to a chef's interview, "Culinary Department" put together the entire Wonka Wonderland in the dining room adjacent to the kitchen. Chefs are easily confused and all of that cacao must have gotten to his head because the real heroes here are Art Department and the PA Nation. We built a ziggurat out of Apple Boxes (wooden blocky things, ask your mom about them) and sod and all sorts of silly stuff. Anyway we let all these kids in to eat the candy and the AD team tried to get as much footage as possible while they destroyed the whole room. Some fun facts about Episode 204:

After about 5 minutes all the kids were SO over the candy that they all bounced, thus PA Nation stepped in to eat candy and fill up the background
Literally 80% of the people in the background of the Wonka Room shots are PAs
I drank about 8 cups of the chocolate water fountain. None of which ended up being used on air. I later found out that some kid stepped in the chocolate fountain. FML
The tart raspberry fizzy things on the tree were weird
The Carrot Cake thingers were rad
The doughnuts on PVC pipe tasted bad and the chef that made them should feel bad. Seriously girl, green doughnuts? She didnt even taste them.
TK and Tysan get mad facetime because they're better looking than me.

So anyway that's what we were doing back in May. Real talk though you guys should keep watching Top Chef Just Desserts 2 because not only are my and TK's name in the credits of every episode but theres a chance you might just catch a glimpse of us in the background mugging for the camera. Tune in to Bravo every wednesday at like 9! Or 10! or something. I'm not sure when its on since I don't have cable.

BONUS: I wrote and edited this entire blog on Brandy's dumb Mac Book. Yep. I'm hating.

-G

Real Talk

2011-07-22T00:22:00.001-07:00

Real talk pals i know it has been forever and a day since I've toasted anything and i do not feel the slightest bit of remorse. The entire hotdamchams crew has been busy working for something that if we told ya what it was we would have to pay someone a million kongbucks. The important thing is that I'm not mad.

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We made friends with some of the cats from fivesecondfilms.com and they made the mistake of talking ideas with us. I promptly made this video. (luv u salmon and sandoval)

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Our good pal Idris is a real coolguy. He made this internets vidya years ago and everyone has ripped off his shit. I told at the subnet oven. NIGHTMARE MODE: i wrote this entire blog on my mAndroid Charge :3

Everywhere I look... Juggalos.

2011-05-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

So there I was, mild mannered as hell, driving into work listening to Kevin and Beam on the World Famous KROQ. Surrounded on all sides by traffic that had no discernible cause, I heard them do a segment called Bean's Death Corner where they talk about someone who died in an interesting/wacky/rapey way. None of the stories were terribly extraordinary so I just filed them away under N for Neat and resolved to steal some of their content by going through their internets vidya of the day instead of doing work for a Twofer.

To my surprise I got home and found that one of the stories is incidentally about a Juggalo! Observe:

An obvious probable UK Ninja, observe the Dark Lotus Tee. Also I'm pretty impressed that girl managed to Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique that rather slight looking fella, props on the crit. That's all for now buds!

-G

BONUS: Our lovely/talented girldrink of a promotions gal is working hard on some pretty exciting stuff! We're gonna play this one close to the chest like Commissioner Gordon from Dark Knight for a while though.

The Twin Thing: Part i: Introduction

2011-05-21T18:00:00.000-07:00

Some of you may or may not know that Sean and I are identical twins. This is probably not our most identical picture. Sean slouches a lot ~~and is fatter than me~~UPDATE: At the time of publishing technically I weigh more than Sean but I'm way fitter. What does being a twin mean? That means that through a motherfucking miracle of some kind after my daddy's sperm knocked up one of my mommy's eggs (cluck) that hot zygote divided into two at some point and shit got CRAZY. We're monozygotic twins (See picture at right for detailed explanation). This is both a blessing and a curse, I mean we're 6 foot 4 and 230 lbs and there's two of us (lol Social Network). All of our lives we've had to endure what seem to be very serious questions about our super powers (Sean can smoke 4 packs of cigarettes in a sitting) and various psychic abilities, but that topic is for another day. Today we're going to talk about another slightly more famous set of twins both of whom are named Michelle. That's right, the Olsen Twins.

Now I'm not one to critique camera work but seriously. You guys. Seriously. I'm not sure if all of the Olsen Twinz video cassette tapes feature more shaky and wobbly framing than The Blair Witch Project but fuck, spend that extra cash on a steady cam rig or a stool or something to set the camera on. These two broads grew up dead center in the eye of the public. Why, you might ask, weren't Sean and I stars of popular sitcoms with serious homoerotic undertones? A VALID QUESTION. Lol, IDK.

Tune in next week when we discuss popular twin questions, metrics are guaranteed because there's nothing funnier than punchlines in pie graph form.

Also happy Rapture! I'm out.

-G

EntertainMEN?t

2011-05-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

I'm going to start this off by telling you about Thor and how much I love it. IT. The comic, not the dude. I did not watch this movie because I want to rub myself all over Chris Hemsworth, even though I’m sure he does have some tasty man meats. No, I’m a fan of Norse mythology and comic books, and when I found out Marvel did a Thor comic I almost wet myself. When I found out that a movie was being made out of said comic I was 100% sure it was going to be a terrible bastardization like “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”, which I’d like to pretend doesn’t exist. Also Thor is rad because he’s a God and he’s totally badass. He gives Iron Man a savage beat down in Siege:

My concerns:

“Normals” (non-nerds) aren’t familiar with Norse mythology. If I go up to a normal dude and start talking about Loki or Odin he’ll look at me like I’m a crazy person and not know what I’m referring to. These aren’t well-known characters in mainstream culture; most people have just heard the name “Thor”, but know nothing about him.

Concern #1:, “How will characters be introduced?” The director’s going to have a hell of a time giving a mainstream audience a crash course in mythology while making the plot interesting.

#2 : Making the plot interesting to mainstream audiences has a great potential to leave my precious comic book fantasies all screwed up so that only flashy and easy to understand plot devices are conveyed, and the result is little to no relevance to the original imagery or plot.

#3 Casting– it had better be freaking perfect. I was more worried about casting for Loki than anyone else. He’s a complex character (duh, God of Mischief) and he has to be good at looking innocent AND devious, while appearing somewhat similar to comic book depictions. Also, in the storyline used in the comic, during this period in the Marvel Universe Loki is manifested as a woman. (Because everyone on the internets knows, the best way to trick boys into doing things for you is by being a girl).

In the movie Loki was a dude (obviously) but again, for simplicity’s sake they kept it closer to the mythology than the comic so the viewer wouldn’t have to follow the comic to get it.

Casting was perfect. Super rad. I’m only slightly grouchy that Heimdall was a black guy because it’s inconsistent with the comic and Norse mythology, but I’m not mad. Technically Sif is Heimdall’s blood sister…but since that’s not brought up in the movie I’ll just forget the continuity error and say Idris Elba did a fantastic job of portraying him.

Bro and sis??????????????

There are some good comedy moments (much like in the comics) where Thor and the warriors three don’t really fit in to a small town in New Mexico.

Just look at the casting and costuming on Thor’s BFFs “The Warriors Three” - From L - Hogun the Grim, Fandral the Dashing, and Volstagg the Valiant. An excellent job was done translating this comic to film.

The movie had great integration of J. Michael Straczynski’s Thor run and elements of the Marvel Siege story arc into the currently developing Avengers concept they are piecing together with the Hulk, Iron Man, Deadpool, Thor, and Captain America movies. It was VERY true to the comic. Probably because Straczynski was one of the writers on this film. Good move, Marvel. They kept things a little simpler for the movie by not including some major plot points like the city of Asgard being transported into Oklahoma (which leads into the Siege plotline and isn’t discussed in the film), but they had iconic shots in the city in New Mexico that were obvious homages to that imagery in the comic.

Characters are introduced organically, through context. As viewers of Marvel movies, we’re already familiar with SHIELD, so SHIELD’s presence and Jane Foster (lol human Sif in the comics) make for a smooth transition for the audience to understand the originating Norse mythology as Jane learns about it WITH SCIENCE. Comedy option moments like Thor throwing down his cup at the diner when he wants more coffee might seem kind of contrived, but that’s the kind of humor that’s in the comic when Asgardians go to Midgard. They have their own culture, and they’re in culture shock. Even though it’s slapstick comedy it could theoretically be an accurate situation, so I like that and I’m glad they kept that stuff in the screenplay.

In the comic Loki sends the Destroyer after Thor, Thor’s banished to Midgard (Earth) and Thor takes on Donald Blake’s form. You can see adaptations of this in the film – but I’m not going to give away the whole movie.

You can see how Kenneth Branaugh (a British dude) directed it, because the British filmmaking style is clear when Loki’s scheming is more subtle than in the comic. I would have liked a few more evil looks in asides to the camera because that’s one of his things… but I can see how that could be pretty corny when translated to film.

There’s a cameo with Hawkeye, so that’s cool.

Stay after the credits, as with all the Avengers movies, there’s a little rad thingy with Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson).

I give this movie 5 ladyboners up.

-B-Tans

Everywhere I look... Juggalos.

2011-05-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

Michael Moore is easily one of the biggest trolls on the face of this planet. He spends his days bothering poor secretaries and making people at the bottom end of the totem pole that is a giant corporation feel as uncomfortable as possible. Its one thing to "take on" the big guys and try to win one for us poor huddled masses but the only thing that separates Michael Moore from Sasha Baron Cohen is a lot of pseudo-intellectual voice overs and 80% less dick jokes. Don't get me wrong though, I love a good troll as much as the next guy.

One of Moore's most recognizable "films" (yea that's in quotations, infer what you will) is ~~Bowling For Soup~~ Bowling for Columbine. Set minutes after the infamous Columbine Massacre in which some sissies who weren't football team decided to play Duke Nukem 3D with their entire school (without telling them) we find Michael Moore exploiting some very nice gunshot victims to further his sensationalist agenda. The best part of this film comes when they start trolling K-Mart for selling bullets. I'm allergic to peanuts, I think we should troll Indian restaurants and demand they remove all peanuts from their delicious Caviar Vindaloos. Seems about right. Anyway you happen to see this fella on screen helping a dude that can't move around so good on account of all of the pew pew pew he absorbed from Msrs. Klebold and/or Harris:

Yup, as plain as the nose on your face that guy's got on a Juggalo Baseball Jersey. Which is neat. The neatness is compounded by the fact that I incidentally own the same jersey. I picked it up at a clown show back in the day when they did the Bizzar/Bizaar Tour. Because I'm dumb I wore it during the show and it is now covered in Faygo and Clown Paint (crowd surfing is a spectator sport).

PROTIP: When going to a Clown Show if you want the merch you buy not to get fucked up come equipped with an empty trash bag and a backpack.

30% Credit goes to Sarah (Prettiest Girl In Tennessee) for reminding me about this. Here's a couple more shots:

Moore demanding an All You Can Eat Buffet

"Who is going Chicken Hunting?", Inquired the youth

Moore becomes outraged that they only included 4 dipping sauces for his chicky nuggies.

-G

Twofer Tuesday

2011-05-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

This is an extra special twofer because its about one thing. Things girls have shown us. I know what you're thinking, bosoms bottoms and feets right? The REAL sexy stuff. Surely being associated with HotDamnTV not only makes girls wetter than Thailand during the monsoon season but also makes them want to get their bodices ripped and their bodies rubbed by us. I'm just kidding, all we're really talking about here is videos a girl (B-Tans) brought to our attention :3

I think we can all agree that Ke$ha is the Mozart of our generation. Don't let the fact that she looks and sounds like that drunk girl at the party that thinks every song is about her throw you off, she's a real gem. By gem I don't mean a lowpro pants-suit wearing broad by day and legit big haired rocker chick by night and I guess mystery solving too or something. Someone spent an awful lot of time making this video, and it is funny as balls. It syncs up so well because Star Trek is from the future, and at that point there is all manner of world peace and stuff. Kinda like in Bill & Ted's Excellent adventure, only its Ke$ha not the Wyld Stallions that are to blame. We owe you a great debt Ke-dollarsign-ha, thank you and god bless.

I can't believe this has been around since June 2007 and not only have I never seen it, but it only has about a million views. This is some great stuff. Whenever you apply the concept of real life to characters in movies or video games the result is often full of win, this sketch is no exception. The guys that do the voices for all the robots are spot on and it makes this that much funnier. Brandy was able to make us laugh with her using girl-science and certain other things. HotDamnTV can take a lesson from her (less fart jokes?). Aggressive big ups and shout outs to her for ghostwriting this (why didn't I just make her write it..?).

-G

Congratulations! A winner is you.

2011-05-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Excellent work chums. Although many (could have) entered ~~few~~ all won. You may recall that I posted a link on the hotdams facepile page for a contest where the rules were simple, and the entry method was even easier (~~just like..~~ in honor of Mother's day we're just gonna let that one slide) all you had to do was click Like on the facetubepile. Although not all of our contests are failures, it just seems that people HATE free stuff. Especially really fresh free stuff like pictures of my grille and motherfucking shark key chains.

The following people will be contacted via facebox-massage and sent their loot when I get everyone to sign the photos and get around to mailing it. Congratulations to all who entered and a fat heap of dicks to everyone who didnt!

-G

Drinking Game: Back To The Future I

2011-05-07T08:00:00.000-07:00

So everyone loves Back to the Future I. With Libya on everyone's minds (I overthrew my government before it was trendy) and the recent shake down in Japan (I'm going for a joke about Parkinson's and Michael J. Fox wobbling while trying to be insensitive to the Japanese peoples) we felt that it was time to do America a ~~dis~~service and make a drinking game for the best movie about time traveling since Planet of The Apes.

Step 1: Get a hold of Back To The Future starring Michael James Fox.

Step 2: ???

Rules:
Drink Whenever the following is said or heard:

Doc
Marty
McFly
Marty McFly (drink twice (tom told me not to put this because its redundant. Fuck him, thats why))
Clock Tower
Plutonium
Jiggawat
Biff
Slacker
Damn
Dance
1985 or 1955
Moderately offensive racial epithets that were okay in the '50s.

Drink Whenever the Following is seen

Anyone drinks
Someone gets into the DeLorean
Pepsi Free

Finish Your Drink When:

The title of the film is said (Back To The Future (lol))
Marty makes out with his mom

Final Thoughts:
TK: This is one of those good movies where just a few rules keep a consistent pace. You will get drunk, not as drunk as the Conan drinking game, but you'll be close. GIRL: Hi. GRANT: I was impress, I feel like maybe we should add a rule where you have to wobble whenever Michael Jerry Fox is on screen on account of the Parkinson's. That's why.

-G