Housewife Blogger

Come here often?

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 05:12:00 +0000

Hello Blog-o-sphere! It seems that I'm a blogging failure! I was certain that by now everyone would have lost interest in this little blog, but since inquiring minds want to know, I'd like to catch you up.

I did indeed give birth to my sweet baby boy at the end of June, and have been busy learning how to mother. It is the hardest, most rewarding thing I've ever done, and honestly, I love every minute of it.

I hope to revive this blog, and it might take a while to get a post up, but if you'd like, please stick around. I've missed you!

A kick to the gut

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Wed, 02 May 2012 15:00:00 +0000

After all the random happenings, things finally settled down and The Husband and I started finding our routine again.

And the time came when we were feeling lovey dovey and the moment was right for us to have adult relations. I was so excited since it had been a while, and I was really missing the intimacy and skin to skin contact! We started fooling around with kisses here and there, and progressed to disrobing.

Did I mention I was super excited about this?

Well, we were laying in bed, almost all the way naked, laying on our sides facing each other when The Baby decided to give us a monumental kick! Up till then, we had felt nudges and tentative little kicks, but this was a move your belly and see it from the outside kick! The Baby and just kicked The Husband in the gut!

We both looked at each other a little startled by the power behind the kick, and the fact that The Baby had officially cockblocked us. There was no way we could progress any further after that. Especially since The Baby decided to keep moving and give us a show.

So we just laughed it off for the moment, and decided to just stare at my moving belly in awe.

Alive and kicking

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 15:00:00 +0000

Hello again, blogging world!

I swear, I am alive and kicking. And so is The Baby :)

I will be entering the third trimester this week (can you believe it!), and there has been some random happenings in our household.

My libido did make a great comeback during the second trimester and The Husband and I reaped the benefits for a while, but then the last month or so has been painfully quiet for us in the bedroom.

They say that bad things come in three's, and it seems to have rung true for us:

You see, The Husband got a wicked flu. He was even laid up in bed for a couple days with a fever, and was affected for about a week and a half. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of quarantining The Husband, but I started feeling like crap soon thereafter. Worried about The Baby and what a fever would do, I called my doc and after I got the ok for Robitussin, I slammed that shiz back every 4 hours. It kind of worked. No fever, but more of a chest cold.

Of course no one feels like hanky panky during a bout of illness. And right when it looked like I was emerging from my ill health, I threw out my back. Not from super awesome sex, but from bending over and rummaging through the fridge. I had never had any back problems till now, and I didn't know what to do with myself! The only advice I got was rest and Tylenol.

Luckily, because I had a formerly healthy back, I was starting to feel normal on day three, but that was the day that I got an early morning call from The Husband. It was strange because he had just left for work and he doesn't call me until a few hours into his work day. Alas, The Husband had gotten into a car accident. It was stop and go traffic and the guy behind him neglected to stop, rear ending (hehe) The Husband at about 45/50 mph.

The Husband walked away with some minor bruises and a prescription for Vicodin and an anti-inflammatory for his muscles, but his car has been put to rest. Sad really, because from the front, his car looks completely fine, but from behind it looks like it participated in a demolition derby.

There isn't anything to describe the thankfulness that you feel as a pregnant lady for the safety of your partner. The Husband told me later that his first thought after getting hit was, "Thank God The Housewife wasn't in the car."

Other than the odd chain of events, we are happily preparing for our bundle of joy and trying to enjoy each other as much as possible. Admittedly, this is the longest we've ever, ever gone without sex but getting each other healthy is our primary concern at the moment.

And thank you kind readers, for your thoughts and concerns over my well being. Your comments and emails warm my heart, and I promise to be back soon!

Spit it out

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Every once in a while, I have no idea what I do or what makes The Husband so excited during a blow job, but he can't control himself.

When The Husband gets close to his climax during a b.j., he always does the gentlemanly thing and alerts me, so I can decide whether to grab a towel or keep going. But sometimes, his warning will not give me ample time to decide on anything. Hey, at least he tries.

If I find myself with a mouthful of spunk I either exit quietly to the bathroom to spit it out, or grimace and swallow. Yes, grimace. Let's not sugar coat things: spunk tastes terrible (it's worse than the cough syrup your mom forced on you when you were little).

Anyway, not too long ago, The Husband and I had one of those sessions where I ended up with a mouthful. The Husband usually doesn't say anything, and lays there in his orgasm induced haze while I rinse out my mouth. But this time, his eyes got a little wide when he looked at me, and he told me in a frantic voice to, "Go spit it out!"

That's right folks, he didn't want me ingesting his spunk, thereby passing it along to the baby, who would be nourished by his own brethren. Ridiculous, I know.

After I called him an idiot, he admitted that he knew that he was being illogical, but that it just weirded him out. How adorkable.

Pregnant sex musings

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Some of you have asked if my libido has still been on the upswing, and the answer is a resounding YES!

Our sex life is actually a little reminiscent of our honeymoon days. I'm mostly the one initiating, since it seems that I don't give The Husband a chance to make the first move. But as long as I'm getting what I want, then who cares who started it?

When The Husband isn't home, I take matters into my own hands, but interestingly enough, I shy away from any kind of artificial penetration. It's either The Husband, or nothing. Which is ironic, seeing how there wasn't any penetration from The Husband involved when we conceived.

I do wonder how our sex life will be affected once I really start showing. I'm 20 weeks along, and barely showing - even my doc agrees. So that means, that when The Husband looks at me, he sees me with a little pudge. He can easily forget that there is a child in utero. Will he feel any differently once I've rounded out?

There is also something that I've been curious about, but haven't been able to ask anyone: Will I leak breastmilk during orgasm or foreplay (specifically, nipple play)? The thought of The Husband getting a face-full of boob juice makes me crack up, but I think he would find it odd - at least the first time.

And will I never be as tight as I am now? Will sex feel different after giving birth? Is six weeks of no sex feasible? Or will six weeks feel like it wasn't a long enough wait?

Am I just working myself up about nothing?

Welcome back, libido

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 16:00:00 +0000

As suddenly as it left, my libido has returned.

You always hear how horny you'll be once you enter your second trimester, but pregnancy books suggest that not all women are like that. So while I was hoping that I'd be one of the women who gets a libido boost, I had come to terms that it might not show up for a little while.

However, it came back with a vengeance. I think my libido might rival a teenage boy's right now. The Husband can't keep up with me. Literally.

There are days where I need relief at least 4 times a day. But since I can't make The Husband come home from work just to have sex with me, I have to take matters into my own hands. And once The Husband gets home, its hard to squeeze in more than one session when you factor in dinner, time to wind down, and sleep.

With a little bit of practice, I've come up with a schedule for my extra horny days, and they look a little something like this:

Wake up in the wee hours of the morning (which isn't hard since I'm up twice a night to pee anyway), and patiently wait for The Husband to wake up, and take advantage of his morning wood.
Fall back asleep.
Wake up, and take advantage of my alone time with things like, eating, watching t.v., reading, masturbating.
Make dinner, and enjoy once The Husband gets home.
Let dinner digest a little, then pounce.
Go to bed.

This way, The Husband gets a morning pick-me-up, and something to help him sleep at night. And I get my kicks as well.

Spunk-less

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Um, yes. This post deals with sperm - or the lack thereof.

My friend's husband has recently gotten a vasectomy. They have 2 children, and are very much done with reproducing.

But since it's been done fairly recently, they haven't been able to test it out yet, plus I don't know how comfortable I would be asking her these questions or how comfortable she would be answering. So I am asking you, dear readers. Because you have the ability to leave comments anonymously on this blog.

Among a few silly question, the main question swirling around my head is: does the sex get less messy? Since the sperm is left out of the equation, is there less fluid? Or is the fluid level the same, just minus little swimmers?

Because honestly, while I really enjoy sex, I do not enjoy the mess of it - jizz dribbling down my leg affects my post coital bliss.

Also, does it taste different? Does the presence or absence of sperm alter the taste?

Did I just gross you out?

I bet there is some sexual freedom that comes from a vasectomy though. You can have sex whenever you feel like it, wherever you feel like it. You don't have to fumble with condoms, you don't have to worry about taking a birth control pill, etc. Although if the mess is the same, you'd just have to carry around some pantiliners with you.

Changes

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 16:00:00 +0000

When I found out I was pregnant, one of the things that popped into my head were about the bodily changes I would experience.

A lot of the reading material out there says that the first change that happens will be larger breasts. And they all say to enjoy having ample bosoms. There are lines in the books that pretty much read: enjoy your new found breasts and show them off before you have a belly to match. You are led to believe that you will be at least a cup size bigger by the end of the first trimester.

Honestly, this worried me. I am already a C cup, and to advance to a D or even DD cup made me want to bind my boobies.

In reality, entering my second trimester, I am still in the same bra size as before (and even the same pant size). I think The Husband is secretly a little disappointed by my steadfast boobs.

He has commented that my boobs look heavier, are less 'squishy', my nipples appear to be a bit darker and are smoother to the touch.

Obviously The Husband is much better at describing and taking inventory of my boob changes than I am.

While others take belly photos, perhaps I should take boobie photos.

And then there were three

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 16:00:00 +0000

Oh my little blog, how I have missed you!

For those of you that have been following for a while now, you might have been wondering where in the hell I've run off to. Well, let me tell you:

After nearly 3 years of trying to get knocked up naturally, The Husband and I decided that it was time for a medical intervention.

The months following went a little something like this (there were various blood tests, etc. done in between, but this is the main gist of it):

Month 1: Clomid. Ovulation predictor kits (henceforth known as OPKs). Didn't work.

Month 2: Double dose of Clomid. OPKs. Works! Intrauterine insemination (also known as artificial insemination, but henceforth known as IUI). Didn't work.

Month 3: Clomid. OPKs. Works! The Husband can't provide specimen due various reasons, we're ok with it. hCG shots in the thigh every 3 days after ovulation (only 3 shots total). Didn't work.

Month 4: Clomid. OPKs. Works! IUI. hCG shots. WORKS!!! We're PREGNANT!!!

We're ecstatic, but cautious. Keep mum, but tell our family, because we feel like we'll need support were anything to happen.

From there, we find out that my progesterone levels are low, so I get shots in the bum twice a week and blood work once a week. No big deal. Then the nausea/morning sickness kicks in and the libido goes out the window.

Laying down kept the throw ups away, so I lay in bed most of the day. When it started easing up, I got brave and left the house, only to throw up in my car while driving.. in an empty juice bottle (only empty thing available in the car).

My libido just packed up and left. Didn't even leave a goodbye note. We've never had this little sex since we've been together, but then again, The Husband was afraid to touch me. When we finally did have sex, it was the most gentle sex of my life. The doctor kept telling us we were progressing beautifully, and could have normal sex, but The Husband was cautious. After a few more escapades without any adverse reactions, he's gotten over that.

Here we are now, at 15 weeks. Finally done with the progesterone shots, and feeling a bit like myself again.

I really wanted to blog, but honestly, we weren't having sex and there wasn't anything non-pregnancy related that I could blog about. And I didn't want to hijack this into a pregnancy blog.

The Husband has become rather protective and doting. During our first ultrasound, I was grinning ear to ear, while The Husband had to wipe away tears. Seeing and hearing that heartbeat for the first time - words cannot describe.

Our relationship has found a new dynamic. It's hard to describe, but there is a different type of connection that's there now. I don't know if other couples have felt that change. Maybe it's because we've created this new life together, maybe it's because of our journey getting here, but there is a deeper bond that I wasn't expecting.

Welcoming the new year with a bang

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 16:00:00 +0000

I have found my most favorite way to start the new year. Forget the kiss, start with some sexy times.

The Husband and I toyed with the idea of going downtown to see the fireworks, having a small gathering of friends, or going to a party, but we ultimately decided to be with just each other.

We made dinner at home, went out for some ice cream, and came back home to settle in for the night. We got in bed just hung out enjoying each other's company. And right around 11:50 I decided to pounce on the The Husband.

There wasn't a lot of foreplay involved, but that wasn't my intention. My intention was to be highly preoccupied at Midnight. And when we glanced at the clock afterward, we had indeed welcomed the new year with a bang.

The sex wasn't rough, it wasn't gentle, but it was perfect. It was us.

So next year, if you feel like having a quiet night in with your lover, I recommend a new year's bang.

Bridal shower

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 16:00:00 +0000

I know, I know, I totally suck at blogging. I got caught up in the time suck that is life. I'll catch you up on that later!

Anywho, this weekend I will be attending one of The Sister-in-Law's bridal shower. She's getting married in late February, but the wedding will be in Seattle, so her mom and sister will be throwing her a shower here, this weekend, and then she will have another one in Seattle sometime in January.

This is fine and dandy if that's your thing. I'm not big on being the center of attention, so my bridal shower was a small group of people, and more of a gathering than a shower. No cheesy games for this girl.

However, the thing I find odd about this bridal shower, is that it's a lingerie bridal shower. Once again, if this is your thing, that's fine. But I would think that a lingerie bridal shower would be appropriate for a party with girlfriends - not one where your mom's friends are also invited.

My girlfriends and I never had a lingerie shower, just because it's so hard to buy. Clothing choices are very personal; styles are different, sizes could be off, and I don't really want to think about what you'll look like in intimate apparel and what you'll be doing while wearing it.

If anyone other than The Husband bought me lingerie, I'd be a bit weirded out. Ah, even the mere thought of The Mother-in-Law buying me lingerie grosses me out. It's like saying, "Here, wear this to turn on my son so you guys can have sex." Eww.

Tumblr Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Veterans Day

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

A day of thanks and remembrance for all the men and women who served and are serving today. There are countries where serving is mandatory for men, but we're lucky enough to have men and women who choose this path voluntarily. Thank you.

3 weekends

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Wed, 09 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

This upcoming weekend is the third weekend in a row that we'll be spending with The In-Laws. Well, I guess my in-laws since it's The Husband's family.

Don't get me wrong, we get along just fine, but sometimes, it can be a little much.

Two weekends ago, The Husband and I went over to the Western Slope to visit them because The Sister-in-Law was going into surgery to get her thyroid removed. Last weekend, they came into town because they got tickets to The Lion King. This weekend, they'll be in town because of.. actually, I don't really know. I lost track.

But this weekend will be the kicker of them all because in our 3 bedroom house, we will be fitting 7 people and 2 pets. Obvi, The Husband and I will take up our bedroom, his parents will take the guest room, his sister will take his brother's room (yes, he's still living with us!), and so his two brothers will sleep on the couch. Fun times.

I'm feeling a bit disconnected from The Husband because it seems that we haven't had some decent time to ourselves. I'm longing for a reconnect, but I don't think that'll be possible until next weekend. We lay in bed at the end of the day and tell each other, "I miss you."

At this point, just sex isn't going to cut it. We need a 'relationship day'. One of those days you spend together, doing random things and not talking about work, money, etc. Next weekend can't come fast enough!

Tumblr Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Registry

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 16:00:00 +0000

Have you ever looked up the sex offender registry for your local area?

The Brother-in-Law was telling me about a website that shows you where the offenders live and even their photographs. Since I quite literally live a stone's throw away from an elementary school, I've never thought about looking up offenders in my area.

But with my interest piqued, I went to the website and typed in my zip code. There were about 3 within a five mile radius, and it had a picture of the offenders as well - which kinda weirded me out a little. But if the website is going so far as posting their picture, maybe they should post what the offense was as well.

Because let's face it, there are some sick, sick people out there who you don't want your children to go anywhere near. But on the other hand, what about the stupid minor offenses that shouldn't even be on there?

I'm talking about the drunk college kid that peed on a bush near a playground at 2 in the morning, or the 12 and 13 year old kids having consensual sex with each other (they are both considered offenders since they are offending each other).

Once they are considered an offender, they'll have to register for the rest of their lives, and the stigma attached can be rather brutal.

Hm, what an odd thing for me to think of on a Monday morning.

Insomnia

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 15:00:00 +0000

It's limiting my sex life.

I'm not awake enough in the mornings to have a morning romp, and I'm not interested enough at night because I'm too worried about sleep. The only real time that we can have sex is when The Husband gets home from work.

Which is different, and actually kinda nice. Different from our morning/nighttime ritual.

Normally, The Husband would come home, change into some comfortable clothes and have dinner (yes, we've been known to have dinner in our pj's sometimes). But with this new timeline, I can help The Husband undress, or pounce on him in the middle of his changing.

The Husband has come to enjoy bedtime sex, because it helps him fall asleep, but this evening sex seems to relax him for the rest of the night. Definitely something to consider for after the insomnia.

Waist cincher

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 15:00:00 +0000

I am a fan of a good bra and panty set while The Husband is a fan of garter belts. So for our anniversary (I know, it was a while ago) I wanted to get something a bit sexy.

Something that could stay on during sex. So I was initially thinking of maybe a corset or bustier with garters that I could wear under a dress. My fitter brought in a bunch of different options, and one of them was a waist cincher with garters. It's like a corset that only goes up to your boobs, but when you wear a bra it gives an illusion of a corset.

But the best part? You can leave the cincher on while you take your bra off, so your boobs are available for other activities.

Genius.

My fitter also informed me that since garters were once functioning, necessary parts of a woman's wardrobe, panties were usually worn over the garters so the ladies could use the restroom without undoing all the garters. Makes sense for sex too.

I think this will be my go to lingerie option from now on. I can have my matching bra and panties, and for special occasions, I can just put on the matching waist cincher too.

Tumblr Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Happy Halloween!

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 16:23:00 +0000

The Husband and I will be staying home handing out candy to our neighborhood children. And possibly watching some scary movies. Scary movies are the best for cuddling, don't you think?

Have a safe and fun Halloween!

What are you supposed to be?

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Have you ever Google Imaged 'Halloween costumes'? Of course you have.

Why is it that the only options for adult females are slut or someone attending a furry convention.

Why did this pop up? Who tagged this as a Halloween costume that it showed up in my search? Also, notice her happy expression.

Does she belong in a Blind Melon music video or what? At least she looks a little happier than the other girl.

Don't feel bad, because it seems that it's equally bad for men. They can either look like an idiot or a super creepy dude that no one is going to go home with.

This guy won't be getting anyone's number.

Nor will this guy.

Still waiting

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Thu, 27 Oct 2011 15:00:00 +0000

I like to think that I'm a patient person. Cool, calm, and collected. But I am chomping at the bit for Saturday to get here.

You see, The Husband and I went to the doctor a couple Wednesdays ago and had some baby batter introduced to my uterus. And I have to wait till this Saturday to test. Normally I would get to test right about now, but I'm on hCG shots which stay in the system for 7 days and will produce a false positive.

Hence, Saturday.

But since I'm crazy, I'm wondering if I should wait longer. There is always a possibility that I'll get my period within the next couple days, but if I don't should I wait a few more days just to be sure?

The Husband has kept pretty quiet, although he has asked how much bigger my boobs would get when I finally do get knocked up. He asks the important questions!

Tumblr Tuesday

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 15:00:00 +0000

TGIF

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Happy Friday!

The Husband and I will not be home this weekend, and as far as I'm concerned, we'll be holed up in our hotel room for the duration. Except maybe to emerge for food.

Have a good weekend!

74 kids and counting

noreply@blogger.com (The Housewife) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Who else has seen the 'documentary' on the Style Network about a sperm donor who has 74 biological children (with more on the way)?

The way that we was able to connect with them was through a Donor Sibling Registry, where the ladies that used his sperm can register to find out how many other half siblings their kids have. He also registered, and whether or not the families wanted to contact him was up to their discretion.

Honestly, I don't know if I could be with someone with that many children. I understand wanting to help people fulfill their dream, but 74 is a bit extreme. How many times did he donate? I don't see 74 appearing out of one donation. At that point, it doesn't seem like an act with good intentions, but a way to spread your seed with none of the responsibilities.

Or perhaps he was just a chronic masturbator that thought, well, I might as well put it to use.