Houston Burgers

Shuttle Burgers

2013-06-14T11:04:00.002-05:00

Not dead yet! Here comes a slab of greasy meat from one of Houston's best hole-in-the-wall burger dives. Shuttle Burgers. It's about 2 miles from Hobby Airport. It's one of those dives where the signage doesn't even match. Pay attention as you walk in and you can see the place identified as Shuttleburger, Shuttle Burgers, Shuttle Burger and Shuttleburgers before you even get to the register. I'm certain that there's a published scientific theory stating that the amount of grease on a restaurant's burger increases exponentially for each time they can't spell their own name.

I walk in and there's a few more signs that you're in for something special. One, the TV in this joint has foil wrapped around the antennas and a note that says "Only one channel, do not touch TV." It's KHOU, in case you are wondering. Two? Look at that ketchup bottle. That's how its done. Decor? Everything in the place is dated. Even the pictures on the walls have been bleached by the sun. The joint is clean though, and that's about all that matters for a lunch spot like this.

Their signature burger is a Shuttle Burger, which is your basic sandwich with a slice or two of canned pineapple on it. The rest of the menu is your standard fare of choosing the number of patties you want, cheese, you get the big four vegetables and then you can choose to add mushrooms, jalapenos or bacon for a little extra dough. Cheap too. You can get burgers, fries and a fountain drink for under $7. That said, soda refills cost fifty cents.

That's what comes out of the kitchen. A little, plastic basket that has already had the paper eaten by oil from the fries as well as a burger stacked to the ceiling with your toppings of choice. This particular sandwich was a bacon and mushroom cheeseburger.

It's a fantastic burger. It's greasy. Real grease too. Not that fake "melted mayonnaise" grease. The patty was obviously hand-made as it crumbles apart in different places. It's cooked to a medium-well but that didn't keep it from maintaining how juicy it was. The bun is fresh and lightly toasted on the griddle. The bacon is thick. Mushrooms are the greatest food on earth. What's missing? Nothing.

The fries were great too. They aren't kept under a heat lamp at all. They come right to your table still fresh out of the fryer. Crispy on the outside, fluffy on the inside. In fact, sit back, relax and listen as I regale you with a tale about how hot and fresh these french fries are.

This all took place a few years ago. I was grubbing down a heart-stopping lunch when a man came running into the joint with a gun. He demanded all the money from the cash register and "one of them tasty-ass burgers to-go" or else he was going to tear the place apart. There was a cute girl in there who tried to talk some sense into him but he wouldn't hear it. He pointed the gun at her and pulled the trigger. Fortunately for her, I am a gentleman and I dived into the path of the bullet and took it in the shoulder. What happened next? I was able to karate chop the perpetrator, get the girl, finish my lunch and I was even able to cauterize the wound with one of them hot ass french fries so I could skip the hospital and take the lady home for some of that good lovin'. DAMN THEY'RE HOT. Be patient or prepare to suffer the consequences.

There are a few better burger joints in Houston than Shuttle Burgers but it doesn't keep this place from truly being one of the best. Sure, no "foodie" is ever going to get super excited about a menu that doesn't feature a single ingredient you can't find at Burger King, but if you're down by Hobby Airport, this place is a great way to fill up and get back to the rest of your day. I go out of my way to eat here any time I am in the area.

Down House

2012-09-06T11:45:00.000-05:00

Down House, named for where Darwin did some of his most famous work, is a restaurant that can be found over in The Heights neighborhood of Houston. They specialize in incredibly exquisite coffee, cocktails (their well whiskey is Maker's Mark) as well as locally-sourced food. In this case, we went in for some top-notch Houston microbrews and wound up with a pretty kick-ass cheeseburger.

The restaurant is a pretty eclectic little joint. You'll notice a lot of attention to detail. Small touches include being served a carafe of water when you are seated, having constantly updated food and drink menus on custom stationary, and you'll even receive your check inside a copy of one of Darwin's works. The staff is a mix of people dressed up almost formally and another half whose wardrobe revolves around skinny jeans. This reflects the usual crowd in the restaurant almost perfectly. You can go in shorts and a t-shirt or you can go dressed up and you'll fit right in either way. The staff also knows the food and drink menus inside-out and can really steer you if you want some help ordering or to try something new. My only real complaint about the joint, if you're even counting, is that if you're going for an extended stay, be prepared to deal with a line at the bathroom.

On to the burger. For $14, the Lone Star Burger comes with Grafton cheddar, heirloom tomato, lettuce, house-made mustard and aioli on a Challah bun with a side of hand-cut fries. The all grass-fed beef is sourced from Augustus Ranch, and is ground in-house, the cheddar comes from Vermont, the produce is straight from local farms and the bread is even sourced right here in Houston. This isn't the only burger in Houston that could point out the origin of every single one of it's ingredients, but it is the first one we've reviewed. That matters more to the real foodie than it really does to me. In my case, I'm pretty certain that with enough beer in me I could be convinced that Wendy's sources the Baconator from the Moon, and I'd still eat one. The Lone Star Burger is exactly what I ordered to go along with a glass of Buffalo Bayou Brewing's Secessionist #5 Double IPA that was being tapped that night.

Let's talk taste. What's different about the burger from Down House? The biggest difference so far between this and every other burger we've reviewed is that this one is cooked over an actual fire. You can't fake that wonderful flame-kissed texture and flavor on a griddle. The next thing you'll notice? Cheese. They're generous enough with it that it melts over the entire perimeter of the bun and down to the plate. It's incredibly rich and also delightfully chewy compared to the average Kraft single or handful of shredded cheese that gets thrown on in a lot of places. Once you chew through that it gives way and you get to the house aioli and mustard, both which are are nothing short of perfection. It's simply a stupendous burger. It was so good that I generally didn't even put it down between bites. Then, to top it off, the fries were light, crispy, delicious and you get a lot of them. It's a full meal even if you have drunk munchies setting in. Bonus points? They almost always have (512) Pecan Porter on draft, which is the perfect dessert beer if there ever was one.

I have to admit some bias, I am legitimately a huge fan of this place going in. I'm not quite a regular but I find myself here about once a month for drinks. Their beer menu is one of the best in Houston for only having ten taps and their cocktails are simply out of this world. Everyone likes to rant and rave about how good of a bar Anvil is not realizing that it's not the only place in Houston you can get some serious artisan cocktails thrown at you. The burger? It's terrific too. It's not one of the best three burgers I've had in Houston but you better believe it's a contender. Down House is at 1801 Yale. Go get it.

Roznovsky's

2012-08-06T13:41:00.000-05:00

You know what this website is about? Burgers. In Houston. Let's talk about one. On an afternoon where Open the Taps was celebrating its one year anniversary at The Petrol Station and, mercilessly, City Acre Brewing was hosting a beer-soaked shindig that night, we needed some grub to break up the monsoon of adult beverages that were being thrown around. Right up the road from The Petrol Station? An old-school burger joint that has a little fame as one of Houston's great burger hideouts: Roznovsky's Hamburgers.

What are you looking at? That'd be the standard cheeseburger with bacon and peppers thrown on it. It's on a griddle-toasted bun and comes with your standard loadout of pickle, onion, lettuce, tomato with a spread of mustard and mayonnaise. I ordered that with a serving of their seasoned fries and a Diet Coke while the Jedi I happened to be rolling with ordered a burger too with a fancy side dish of his own. Nacho Cheese Doritos!

So let's talk about the burgers. To start, this is more of a fast-food portion than a big restaurant burger. Very, very close to the portion they serve up at Whataburger. It's a 1/4 lb patty that is stretched thin but leaves it with lots of surface area to just pound with toppings, and when it comes to toppings, Roznovsky's goes loud. It was PILED with fresh veggies. Possibly another 1/4 lb worth. The cook must use a pitchfork to shovel those veggies on it quickly because it gets served up in about 7 minutes flat. Very fast.

The grease factor does exist, although it isn't anything really impressive. You'll have splotches on your wax paper but you won't have to worry about it getting on you. I would recommend that anyone who comes here with an appetite get the double burger or at least add bacon. The bacon is thick and walks that fine line between crispy and chewy perfectly, plus the saltiness of it throws some great contrast into the mountain of vegetables that you'll be getting your fiber from.

The sides, of which all we actually tasted were the seasoned fries and some Doritos, were all standard fare. They were frozen, but they were fried to a nice crisp and went down great swimming in ketchup. The other sides that I saw come out of the kitchen appeared to be the same way. All looked appetizing but I didn't see anything amazing to report back.

It's not the biggest, baddest, finest sandwich you can get your hands on, but the sum of it's parts makes it a tasty little burger. I like Roznovsky's. It doesn't stack up really well against everything else on the list of places that we've reviewed so far but to tell you that it is anything but good would be a lie. Want to try something different? You can't go wrong stopping in here. You can even play a little old school Cruisin' USA while you're there.

The Petrol Station

2012-07-06T12:29:00.000-05:00

The Petrol Station isn't really a burger joint. It's a beer bar. One of Houston's finest if you are a fan of really bitter beer. It just so happens that they take their burgers seriously enough to merit a little attention. Let's go get a burger.

The bar itself is an old converted gas station in the middle of a neighborhood. There is a patio that wraps all the way around the building and the inside features a few picnic style tables, but generally you should be prepared to deal with being outside with nothing but umbrellas for shade. Murphy's Law states that you're going to be stuck in direct sunlight because the umbrellas are never in the right spot. I seriously carry sunblock when I go here to keep my bald head from catching fire. In the colder seasons they do have patio heaters that really help keep it comfortable outside.

The beer selection is a constantly rotating selection of thirty-plus beers that will be different just about every time you go in unless you go in more than once every week or so. Keg pops, they put a new one on that's generally completely different, and then they write it up on the chalkboards that act as a menu. No light beer. You can get your hands on a few entry-level dark beers but 95% of their selection is weapons-grade brew that's going to try, and often succeed, at donkey kicking you in the teeth.

We aren't here to talk too much about the beers though. We're here for burgers. On this day, the kitchen had just finished a major remodeling that had them not cooking in the back for over a month and they were cranking out a menu of just burgers to get back into the swing of things. I went up with @codyhaskell and we ordered a couple of standard pub burgers. The only difference between our orders was that I ordered mine with fries covered in rosemary and feta cheese. The kitchen has always been a little slow. I've never seen food in under a half an hour, and I've had it take a full hour, but there's beer to be had. Patience is a necessity here. You generally start losing track of time after your second >8% ABV beer anyways.

This time the wait was about forty-five minutes, but there it is. As you can see, the burgers are not very large in diameter, but they are tall. You have to squeeze it down a little to get the whole thing in your mouth unless you were gene-spliced with some kind of reptile in a government experiment and can unhinge your jaw. Toppings? You get the standard loadout of tomato, pickle, lettuce and onion as well as a rather generous helping of mayonnaise and your choice of the standard cheese types that include American, Swiss, cheddar... or you could just blow everyone's mind and not get cheese at all. That's a real power move. (I got Swiss).

One cool thing about this trip is that we literally saw a local bakery deliver the buns for these burgers about twenty minutes before we ordered and you could definitely tell the difference that having fresh bread right off of a delivery makes. Of all the ingredients where freshness matters, bread is always the most important, as it can lose its character fast. The grease factor on this sandwich is not very high. The mayonnaise does get a little drippy on the hot sandwich but eating it, even with squeezing it to fit it in your mouth, is a relatively clean experience. I especially like that the chef has the juevos to crank out a solid medium burger unless you order it otherwise. It leaves that meat with some serious flavor in it.

Getting the garlic and grated parmesean or the feta and rosemary fries should be required. It's an extra two bucks but to miss out is a mistake that could doom your future children to having soft heads and weak spines. The regular fries are good already. They are hand cut and fried hard so that they are really crispy on the outside and the larger ones are still nice and fluffy on the inside. Those extra toppings you can get? They'll have you crying tears of joy.

Does this burger make it into our top three in Houston? No. Even with something this good, there's only so much space on the leaderboard. Are you some kind of idiot if you like beer and ignore this burger? Pretty much. It's a delectable burger and writing this up has me thinking about how I want another one right now. That statement alone should say everything. Find The Petrol Station at 985 Wakefield Dr, or just check out the burger map.

Special Baseball Edition - Minute Maid Park

2012-05-01T12:51:00.000-05:00

It's baseball season. A few weeks ago they finally opened the doors back up to the promised land. Minute Maid Park. Home of the Houston Astros. On this night, they would be beating the hell out of those dastardly New York Mets while we munched down on a burger put together especially for the ballpark by none other than Houston's own Chef Brian Caswell.

The burger is a macaroni and cheese burger. It consists of an onion roll, lettuce, tomato, 3 pickles that bring the thickness, fresh chopped onions and your choice of a slice of American, cheddar or pepperjack cheese. Oh and did I mention the macaroni and cheese? It's not just a scoop of noodles with cheese on it. It's formed into a patty and deep fried. This cardiac event will set you back $9.75 although you may want to bring about $26 bucks though if you want fries and a beer with it. The burger is only served up in the club section, so be sure that if you want a mac and cheese burger that you can get into that semi-private level of the park.

The mac and cheese burger itself was prepared in front of us. It starts out a little scary. The beef patties were cooked en masse and were sitting in a tray under a warmer. They were thin and didn't even look like a hint of salt of pepper had ever graced that meat. They were taken out of the tray and slapped onto a griddle to be reheated and when the reheating is close to completed the grillmaster puts your chosen slice of cheese on the meat to melt it. Wasn't the best start, but then the kitchen staff made a call to the bullpen and brought out a deep fried patty of macaroni and cheese that was a solid inch thick. It's a sexy thing to behold the first time you see it dropped on the burger. Then they pile on the veggies. Burger status: completed.

How was the burger? Tasty. Really tasty. I was almost bewildered by how tasty it was considering how much the meat preparation scared me. Sure, when you are talking about serving up a bunch of hungry big league fans you can't exactly throw down fresh ground meat and still keep the lines moving. The magic is in that patty of macaroni and cheese. It's really greasy. The grease that isn't in that meat isn't missed one bit because it's replaced by cheese-infused fried grease. It's really, really rich. The kind of thing you'd want when you wake up with a hangover. Just be prepared before you chow down, you'll need a few napkins. The bun is definitely not your run-of-the-mill mass produced bun either and it's thick enough to soak in some of the grease that might otherwise try to escape. It's a damn solid burger and it's way up there with some of the best ballpark food I've ever had. It isn't good enough to crack into the top burgers on our list but if you want to try something new and tasty when you are at an Astros game, this is your ticket right here.

We'll also be trying out the burger at the 5-7 Grill that's in Minute Maid Park behind center field. You'll know exactly where to find the best burger in Minute Maid Park this season.

FINAL SCORE

Mets 3 -- Astros 4

No knives. You're chewing the whole burger or you're going to be cutting it with a fork.
They're obviously worried that I might take out a Mets fan with a plastic knife. They're right.

Bernie's Burger Bus

2012-01-30T12:03:00.000-06:00

Picture shamelessly stolen from http://berniesburgerbus.com
since my picture of the bus didn't turn out.

Bernie's Burger Bus. It's a bus. It's not a restaurant. It isn't the first time I've eaten at a food truck. It's not even the first time I've eaten a burger out of a food truck. What it is, however, is the first burger that we are going to review out of a truck. Also, Bernie is the owner's uncle. On Sunday, it was parked at the Boneyard Drinkery on Washington and it seemed like a good time to go slag some pints of Breckenridge Agave Wheat and eat a ridiculous sandwich.

Bernie's takes a gourmet route to putting food in your hands. Everything is made from scratch. From the buns, to the patties to the ketchup, which he sells in bottles right out of the bus. The history of the how the owner went from being a personal chef to Shane Battier (former Houston Rocket) to owning a food truck is somewhat interesting. I'm not going to cover it here, but this Houston Press article from awhile back will tell the story just as well as I could, you know - since it's written by a real writer.

Less talk about the truck. More talk about burgers. We ordered a pair of Substitutes, all the burgers follow a school-related naming convention, and a order of sweet potato fries that come with a homemade chipotle pepper spiced aioli. Quick education for those that don't know: aioli is very close to mayonnaise but it's made from a base of olive oil, garlic and eggs with several variations. As for the burgers, from what I've read the patties are a unique blend of ground chuck and ground brisket that results in a ludicrous level fat content (read: flavor) that is ground up every morning completely fresh. The Substitute is topped with bleu cheese, bacon, mushrooms kissed with burgundy wine and what he calls "tipsy" caramelized onions which I am assuming are cooked in some kind of beer/wine/liquor... I don't have the answer. I just ate 'em. They don't sell drinks, but they are just about always parked at a place that does.

I want you to notice something. The butcher paper in the picture. The time it took from the burger being put in my hands in a brown paper bag, wrapped in white butcher paper to the time I unwrapped it was about 3 minutes. In that short time the slab of meat sent out an army of grease that was able to lay down a violent charge on the butcher paper that broke through the lines and was seeping through the brown bag. It was more like a proper Philadelphia Cheesesteak than a burger. If you eat the whole thing you'll be sweating grease for a few days. How did it taste? I never thought this was going to happen, as I love The Shack more than I love just about anything I love in this world, but Bernie's Burger Bus might not have only served me the best burger I've ever eaten, this thing is in competition for the best ANYTHING I've ever eaten. The bleu cheese was super rich and thrown in very generously, the bacon was thick, plentiful and cooked perfectly, the mushrooms had a perfect twang and it all came together in that homemade bun like poetry. It was so good my taste buds rented an SUV with a stolen credit card, packed an overnight bag and drove off chasing those last few bites down my throat.

The fries? Crispy, delicious, fantastic. They aren't going to blow your mind like the burger will. One order of them was perfect for sharing, especially since the burgers are very generously sized. The homemade dipping sauces are definitely a big step up from anything that could have been picked up from the local restaurant supply. The chipotle aioli has a nice little pepper flavor but really isn't very hot. The homemade ketchup is exquisite. It's not salty at all like most ketchup. It's sweet and FULL of tomato flavor. I don't like using the word natural very often, but that's the word that kicked into mind. It tasted like a wonderful natural blend of tomatoes with just the right spices. Excellent stuff.

I spent the rest of my Sunday afternoon and evening in a full blown food coma. Show up hungry. Bernie's does take Visa and Mastercard at their bus, and if you are trying to find them they post their schedule up on Twitter and Facebook. They aren't going on the burger map because they aren't in any kind of permanent location. Happy eating!!

Cypress Station Grill

2011-10-14T09:58:00.002-05:00

We were arguing. What should we do for dinner? We both wanted to go to The Shack, but we basically go there weekly and there was a general feeling it was about time we tried something different. So we might have taken a little sabbatical, and we may go right back on it as soon as this review is up, but the time has come for another burger to join the ranks. This time we visited Cypress Station Grill. It's a family style restaurant that is, as you might have guessed, in Cypress. At 26010 Hempstead Road to be precise. Let's get started.

The restaurant carries your most basic American food menu. Burgers, steaks (chicken fried optional), chicken breasts covered in about 6 different sauce options and then they throw a few pastas into the mix. Nothing too special.

While we don't have a whole lot to absolutely gush about, the first thing that went absolutely, 100% right was that we walked in the place, were sat down and were immediately offered $1.50 Shiner Bock or Miller Lite drafts. Sadly, that makes up their entire draft beer selection, but when the Shiner is that cheap, you're still starting out right. They also serve it so cold that it starts to ice up at the table. Fantastic! That price isn't available all of the time, but it is their happy hour special on EVERY SINGLE WEEKDAY!! The only other place that I know of in Cypress where you can get a decent beer like that for that price is Ziegenbock at one of my favorite local bars -- and they don't have food.

The burger menu is made up of all of the standards. Then you can tell that with the ingredients they had lying around the kitchen they also threw together a few that were a little different. This included the one that I ordered, the Pesto Burger, which borrowed a sauce from their pastas. The other burger that we decided to have rolled out of the kitchen? You can't go wrong with barbecue sauce and onion rings. Available side dishes? French fries or sweet potato fries for $.99 extra. They have a range of other side dishes available on their menu, I'm willing to bet that you can substitute mashed potatos, fried okra, etc but we have principles. Burgers are meant to be served by themselves or with fried potato products.

We tasted two of their appetizers while we were here. The fried pickles and the fried mushrooms. Both were nothing short of great. The mushrooms are big. Like cut it up with a knife into 4 big bites big. They aren't in your usual batter either, instead they are breaded and then covered in Parmesan cheese and served up with ranch so you can get those mushrooms SCUBA-certified. The pickles aren't the best we've ever had but they're definitely up there. It's a standard batter but they cut them up real thick. Most restaurants put pickle chips in that are so thin that there is barely a pickle left when they come out of the fryer and you're basically eating discs of batter. Not at Cypress Station. Fat, meaty, delicious fried pickles!!

But then there's the burgers. I'm not spending a lot of time in this review writing about them because there isn't that much to write about. Despite having some very tasty sounding options on the menu, they were really nothing special. We don't want to sound too critical, because they are definitely not bad in any way, but there just isn't anything special or unique happening here either. The bun tasted no better than what you get from H-E-B's store brand, the meat was cooked right and had some juice going but it really didn't have any great spice or flavor to it and then all that was left to do was add toppings. I ate it. I'd eat it again. I'd dream of being at Whataburger instead. I'd probably ask that they at least toast the bun a little though with some oil. Anything to inject a little character into this thing. Actually, next time I go, I'll be ordering a chicken fried steak and a $1.50 Shiner.

Back to the fried potato "products" - that's exactly what the fries at Cypress Station are. Even the sweet potato fries, which cost extra, seem like they are just dumped out of a bag they had in the freezer. They could have easily come from Costco. Compliments? They do fry the hell out of them, so they are nice and crispy. Other than that? Not so great. HOWEVER -- the absolute highlight of the entire dining experience involved the sweet potato fries. As lame as they are by themselves, Cypress Station Grill gives you a cup of honey for dipping them in. This is a gamechanger. We'd never even thought about it before, but the second that we realized we had cups of honey and sweet potato fries we knew what was happening. Holy sh*t. You don't even need to bother with the dessert menu. You want sweet potato fries slathered in honey. You want them more than any other food they serve at the restaurant. You want them right now. I'll never be able to eat sweet potato fries again and not be pining for a squeeze bottle of honey. Bravo, Cypress Station, bravo!!

So, this place definitely doesn't make our top three. I can't shake the feeling that I was in a Chili's or a Black Eyed Pea with just a little more class, and we both agree that it doesn't hold up to some of the other amazing burgers that you can find around town, but it's a nice little spot that's worth checking out if you want to try something different, just don't expect the world.

The Shack, formerly The Love Shack

2011-01-19T12:37:00.016-06:00

Today's review? The Love Shack. The Love Shack is the brainchild of the man that used to own Rockwell Tavern. If you've been to the site before, you might know that Rockwell Tavern is our current #1 burger in the entire city and that it is so good that it almost killed this site entirely because it quickly became just about the only place that we would go eat. That is, until it was sold so that Joe, the owner/head chef, could go try something new. It was opened to the public yesterday, and we were giddy with anticipation of seeing what madness might come out of the kitchen this time around. This might even be the first review that The Love Shack receives!!

The Shack is situated deep in the heart of Cypress at 16602 Cypress-Rosehill Rd. You will know that you're getting close when signs of civilization start to disappear. Seriously. It was night time and we could hear the coyotes in the fields as we ate. The parking lot? Dirt. The restaurant? It's an old house converted into a kitchen and dining area with a massive patio and a few other buildings that have been converted to more indoor dining space. We spoke with the owner and we learned that they have over 6 acres of space to play with and they have all sorts of ideas for what they want to do with it.

With a name like The Love Shack, I originally feared showing up to a place that had disco blaring, and possibly even suffering through the B-52's every hour, on the hour. Those fears were quickly alleviated though when it turned out that The Shack is instead very serene. It is tucked into it's own little pocket of nowhere and it featured all sorts of interesting decorations to accent it's mostly outdoor dining space. This includes a MASSIVE fire pit on the patio, a large tent that could be used for live bands, a playground area that is under construction, a gazebo made out of trees and several other creative little ideas.

But we are here for one thing. The burgers. Hopefully the second coming. We wanted to see if our current king of burgers in Houston was ready to take back the throne. The menu features all kinds of burgers that you simply can't get in most places. This includes the Grease & Weasel, a burger with a donut for a bun, the Bad Decision, which is a burger with grilled cheese sandwiches for buns, and something completely different, the Billy Bob Nguyen, which is a Asian-spiced brisket sandwich with Cheetos. Seriously.

I went with a Grease & Weasel, having heard stories of the incredible Krispy Kreme burgers served up at the Gateway Grizzlies Ballpark in Illinois. Nick immediately made a Bad Decision. We ordered up huge portions of the onion rings, as well as two batches of fries: one covered in garlic and bacon and one covered in brisket, bacon and cheese.

The fries and rings came first, and they came big. On pizza platters. We were knocked almost completely out of our seats by how good the fries were that were covered in brisket, bacon and cheese. Hunger pains were replaced by chest pains and the burgers weren't even out yet. They were devoured in mere minutes and we all had to resist the urge to tell the kitchen to bring us about twelve more batches of the brisket smothered fries, nor would they buy it when we tried to tell them that the coyotes stole our appetizers either. The brisket at The Love Shack is out of this world, and paired with bacon and cheese you get what is hands down the best smothered fries we have possibly ever had.

Then the burgers came out of the kitchen. Were they as good as Rockwell ever was? Were they better? They were unimaginably delicious. The burger was so good that they should warn you that you might die if your lungs get jealous of what's going down your esophagus and decide to pull a bite or two in their direction. We had four people in our party and the first words out of every single one of our mouths after taking a bite were an instinctive "Oh my God!" that was garbled by mouths full of food. The owner absolutely outdid himself. The burgers were everything that he had at his old restaurant elevated to new heights by serving up more over the top combinations of meat, bread and cheese.

Were they greasy? Yep. Joe still puts together one of the richest, greasiest patties that can legally be served in the lower forty-eight. Even cooked to medium-well, I looked down when I was done and there was a pool of grease and sugar from the donut waiting for me on my platter. Grease candy!! The buns are nice and thick and manage to hold most of it back, but you can tell that it's World War 3 going on inside as the bun fights to contain everything trying to ooze out of it.

What's even more impressive about The Love Shack is that after all of us were completely blown away by what we ate, we still had to remind ourselves that the restaurant is still just now getting up to speed. When we were there last night the menu was limited and they weren't even taking credit cards yet. Might we see a few of the Rockwell recipes make it over eventually? Maybe. I certainly would like to see the pineapple, teriyaki, bacon burger again that I fell in love with back at the old digs. Might there be some even more outrageous sandwiches on the horizon? Good chance. I also hope I get to see what Joe can do with a chicken fried steak someday. The man knows beef. What else is coming? Their liquor license is apparently in the works and I've heard rumors that they are going to set up a full on outdoor biergarten.

So is this place the new #1? Yep. Without a doubt. We're going to take Rockwell out of the top three and slide the Love Shack right in to replace it. Why are we apologetically dropping Rockwell so hard? Simply because we don't want one man's creations taking up two slots on our Top 3. The Love Shack is our new best burger in Houston. The king has returned. Long live the king!!!

EDIT -- 10/14/2011: The restaurant had to change its name to The Shack. I'm not changing the review, but I'm changing the title. The Shack and The Love Shack? Same place. Same food. Same people. Don't worry, ownership didn't change or anything and it didn't go down the drain like Rockwell Tavern did. Have we mentioned that Rockwell Tavern went down the drain lately? It did. Stay away and go to The Shack. It's where good burgers live in Cypress.

Kilburn's Tavern and Grille

2010-12-21T11:10:00.001-06:00

Kilburn's Tavern and Grille was nowhere near our list of places that we were planning on reviewing anytime soon. Why? We don't do a whole lot of bar burgers. In fact, the only place that I can think of off the top of my head that was more bar than restaurant is Christian's Tailgate. Plus they spelled Grill wrong. Why did we go? Last minute hunger pains and a last minute recommendation by a friend. We piled into the nearest Toyota Tacoma and burned rubber out into the boonies to Kilburn's #2, which is at Grant Rd and Malcolmson.

Having never been, and walking into a bar in a strip center, we didn't really expect the place to be the classy, slightly upscale British pub atmosphere that was presented. The place was warm, welcoming and stocked to the brim with an almost barbaric selection of hooch. There are plenty of tables if you want to go there to just eat or you can belly up to the bar and go right to work. As a note, the restaurant is family friendly all day with the only exceptions being after 9pm on Friday and Saturday and any time that I'm in there. Bring yo' kids!!

Burgers? Yes, please. What is in a standard burger at Kilburn's? The menu describes a half pound beast that has been spoiled since birth that's been hunted down on a farm, killed, carefully inspected by the USDA and ground into Kobe beef. The beef is hand formed into patties with a blend of smoked sausage and "Kilburn's Special Seasoning" that's all put through a shotgun wedding by a sourdough bun. I opted for the blue cheese burger and Nick threw down on a Texas BBQ bacon cheeseburger. If there are any questions about that, this meant that mine would have blue cheese and onions while the BBQ burger had bacon, a tangy barbecue sauce and two very large onion rings.

In strict adherence to the rules, we had beers from the state of Texas with our meal. Kilburn's immediately found it's way to my heart by having Saint Arnold's Christmas Ale on draft. You can never go wrong with having the best Winter warmer in existence fresh out of a keg, and they even got bonus points for having oversized pilsner glasses ready to go.

The burgers themselves were incredible. It begins and ends with the patty. If you were to put their seasoning in a can of Purina One dog food, I'd probably consider still eating it. Their special seasoning is a peppery blend that is far from hot but not short at all on flavor. I thought I had tasted mild, pickled jalapenos but I was quickly corrected by the owner, who as it turns out was sitting two bar stools down from us the entire time we had been there. What is it? Chipotle peppers... among other secret flavors.

The seasoning was the main attraction, but that's not the only part of this burger that deserves any praise. The lightly toasted bun was flavorful and did a fantastic job of holding together where most buns that go up against a sandwich like this go down like Kimbo Slice, leaving you with a choice of forks or fingers. The french fries were all sorts of incredible. Wedge-cut, seasoned perfectly, crispy on the outside and nice and soft on the inside. It was a near perfect example of a wedge fry.

It's hard to find anything to complain about. The price is a little higher than most places, but that certainly doesn't keep the burgers from flying out of the kitchen all night. It's also a great place to have a few drinks, which made this by far the most expensive burger review I've ever done, and also the first one that's ever resulted in needing a few ibuprofen's the next morning. Yes, I used a designated driver. You stay safe out there.

In closing, Kilburn's is awesome. Did we decide it hits the top three that we've ever had? Nope. Does that mean it isn't a fantastic creation? Absolutely not. You should shut down your computer and go grab yourself a chop house burger and slam a few beers as soon as you get your next craving. Our bartender for the night, who must be under witness protection with a name like "Princess", summed it up best:

Bellaire Broiler

2010-12-01T11:24:00.001-06:00

Welcome back to the stage of history. So what happens if you spend a Saturday morning working on Bellaire and you have a place on your "To Review" list called the Bellaire Broiler?

We've heard the legends all the way out here in our home base in Cypress. A little dive of a burger restaurant that serves up one of the most acclaimed burgers in the city. Dive status? Confirmed. This place is like an old, double-sized Waffle House. Old brick on the walls, all the art is starting to turn yellow from age and the wood on the chairs has only about 60% of the finish left on it. Perfect.

Hunger pains ran deep, and the menu featured two items that peaked our attention. One was the house special. A double cheeseburger that features two quarter pound patties with lettuce, tomato, onions, pickles cheese and bacon. I had to have it. I also needed pickled jalapenos and mushrooms. What else caught our attention? A burger called "The Combination" It was a quarter pound cheesebuger that also had chili, cheese, onions, mustard, bacon and two hot dogs. See the picture and beg for mercy.

Just look at it. The picture of it tells you everything you need to know. This was a case of a picture being worth every word that you could say about it. It tasted as glorious as it looked. It was the best chili burger that we have tried so far on this Houstonian burger tour. We aren't going to review this burger in depth though because it's only fair that Bellaire Broiler be judged based on their standard cheeseburger.

The standard cheesebuger comes out of the kitchen wrapped up tightly in unassuming white butcher paper. No time for foreplay. Tear that paper off and let's get to what's underneath.

It was an incredible sight. If that isn't a showstopping image of a cheeseburger, then I simply don't know what is. It was a burger that you had to squeeze to fit into your mouth. Then you squeezed it. Then there was grease. You don't really realize just how greasy this burger is at first. The burger is so large and so loaded with toppings that you almost instinctively keep the burger wrapped in the butcher paper as you operate. That is, until the grease overpowers the butcher paper and you are forced to toss it off to the side. Then you keep eating. Then the bun gives up on life and you are forced to set it aside. Then you have the choice of shoveling it into your mouth or tracking down some silverware. Me? I barehanded it. It was sublime.

So what about the taste? Do you like a greaseburger? If so, this is DEFINITELY your port of harbor. Of all of the burger joints that we have been to so far, this is by far and away the greasiest burger that we have had. Every pain that you walk in the door with in your empty stomach will quickly find it's way into your chest by the time you are done eating it. The toppings are very plentiful, and they even pickle some of their own vegetables in house if you are feeling just a little different and are willing to pay a little extra.

Side dishes? Crinkle fries. We aren't the biggest fan of crinkle fries on this web site, but on the plus side, they fry these potatoes until they beg for mercy. Crinkle fries almost always look soggy, but even the biggest, fattest fries here were crisp enough that my HMO called and said they canceled my dental coverage. Apply ketchup and you'll enjoy some pretty decent french fries.

So how does Bellaire Broiler rank? On our web site we only put up a top three. After that, we tell you whether or not we like it and we let everyone judge for themselves. We agreed at lunch today that IF there were a spot for a #4, this would be it until something came along that was better. We agree that this place is just barely squeaked out by the Backyard Grill, which is our current number 3. Should you check it out and judge for yourself? Absolutely. Bellaire Broiler is a jewel of a burger joint. This is definitely one of the elite burger stops in Houston and you should sail into the parking lot any time you are nearby and have the chance to stop.

Christian's Tailgate

2010-05-27T07:32:00.013-05:00

Christian's Tailgate, much like Lankford Grocery, is heralded as one of the finest burgers that Houston has to offer. Most people that I have talked to that recommend the place either claim it's one of the best they've ever had or that it's a staple that we simply have to make sure we don't ignore. It's about time the reviews came back, and Christian's seemed as good a place as any to go throw down on some cow.

There are two Christian's locations in Houston. One is on Bagby and the other is at I-10 and Washington. Being from the 'burbs, and being told that the one on Washington is better, we set sail. When you get there, you quickly put together that Christian's is the definition of a burger bar. You walk in and it offers a lot of restaurant style seating, but the place is more bar than restaurant. You order your burgers at the bar, along with your pitcher of beer, and then you find your seat and wait for your number to be called. The decor includes lots of small screen TV's around the place, beer signs and a really cool old truck that's been hacked up and thrown on the wall. Get there early, as parking seems like it could get hairy during busier hours.

Their menu stretches 3 sizes of burger: 1/3 lb, 1/2 lb and a belt-busting 1 lb double burger. They offer them in your standard dress of lettuce, tomato, pickle, onion, mustard and mayo as well as a chili burger or a mushroom-swiss combination. If you're looking for something a little different, and a little more heart stopping, they also offer up a Chicken Fried Bacon Burger. The burger is your standard burger that is loaded with battered and fried bacon and onion rings. Nick wasn't about to let a little heart disease stand in his way and threw down for one of these beastly creations while I opted for a more subtle mushroom swiss burger. Both of us ordered a side of fries and with it being $5 pitcher Wendesday we enjoyed a pitcher of Texas's own Lone Star and then another of Shiner Bock with our meal.

The burgers that came out looked fantastic. Great big patties adorned with generous toppings and packed between thick buns that are then half-wrapped in butcher paper to keep them from falling apart. Good call on the paper. I've always been a fan of anything that makes finger food easier to handle.

That first bite? It lacked a little something. Grease. Considering the huge griddle that we saw in the kitchen we were expecting these things to run down our arms, but they were really clean. The meat tasted great. It didn't seemed to be seasoned at all, maybe with just a little salt and pepper, but it left behind a clean, distinct flavor that actually left room for all of the toppings to actually be able to do some work. I'd tread lightly with using the word bland, because the overall flavor was far from it, but I wouldn't ever want to knife and fork the patty by itself. This is where the toppings came into play. The mustard works its way into the lettuce and tomatoes, the pickles were thick and vinegary and in each bite you really got to appreciate why people actually bother putting veggies on their sandwiches. Most of the time a big, fat, nasty greaseburger will simply overwhelm the palate and all you taste is delicious, juicy fat. This was the opposite. An explosion of different and very distinct flavors await the person who eats at Christian's.

As a person who has had homemade chicken fried bacon on a few occasions in my life, the prospect of a burger with chicken fried bacon actually on it sounded both terrible and awesome. I remember the first time I ever had it I ate 3 pieces of it drizzled in bacon grazy and was only capable of stumbling around the house for a few hours as I fought off The Itis. The chicken fried bacon here did leave a little to be desired. Yes, it's delicious. It's bacon that is battered and fried. But, much like the mostly pure burger, there couldn't have been anything in the batter except flour, milk and egg. This produced a product that tasted more like oil than any kind of fancy deep fried concoction that you might hope for. It was also definitely cooked a lot less than we were used to compared to every other time we've had the CFB. How about the burger? Put it all together and it once again leaps to something wonderful, but it just seems like there is so much room for improvement.

The burgers were cooked well, not well done, but well. They were far from dry, in fact, for how cooked the meat was I was suprised at just how juicy the burger was. The bun was definitely prefabbed, but seemed to be very lightly toasted on the griddle and did a fine job of not leaving anything to be desired. Recommendations? Double up on your toppings. Next time I eat here it will probably be the same burger, but with double cheese and double mushrooms.

The fries? Absolutely terrible. Wendy's on a bad day levels of terrible. I was salvaging mine with salt, pepper and ketchup mixed with Jalapeno Tabasco sauce. This was able to pull them back from the cliff, but still, Christian's Tailgate is definitely not the place to go if you are a fry fanatic. They also offer onion rings, but neither of us ordered them. A visual inspection of someone else's basket of rings did leave me with some hope that there is a side dish in there worth ordering.

How would we rank this burger? It was really good. In fact, if you live near it, it should probably be your de facto burger place. It's a great place to eat if you are working in the area, looking for a place to stop and wait out traffic or just want to eat somewhere a little different. You don't really need much of an excuse. Unfortunately, our final judgement does leave it out of the top three. It simply doesn't stand up to the best we've had so far. Our comparisons would be that it was like a really good burger from Clay's or maybe a burger from Miller's with all the grease left out. All we can say is that if you go to Christian's you'll be treated to a damn good burger. Just not the best. Check them out and let us know what you think!!

Rockwell Tavern and Grill

2009-12-02T21:09:00.011-06:00

UPDATE (11/15/2011): We said some rough things about Rockwell Tavern in some posts and tweets since their original review. Statements that we stand by and statements that we aren't going to remove. Since ownership changed we had a total of four meals at Rockwell that were average or worse. I had a chicken sandwich at one time that was so hard you could literally brain a person with it. The burgers? They'd fallen off. Hard. BUT GOOD NEWS: Rockwell did a Houston Beer Week event and I was lured back in with the promise of bottom-feeding some leftover of Rahr & Sons Casked Winter Warmer the next day, and in the course of drinking some beers, I was convinced to give the burgers another go.

Without going into too many details, I am pleased to say that Rockwell once again makes a fantastic burger that lives up to its legacy and I highly recommend stopping in. Their beer selection has gotten really nice too, although shockingly, they appear to have gone the route of forsaking any light beers whatsoever. Even I enjoy a Keystone Light or a Miller Lite ever so often, and I think every place that serves beer should have something at a value price, but I digress, go chow down.

ORIGINAL REVIEW FOLLOWS:
----

It's been awhile. It's time to get back on the burger wagon.

I must apologize in advance. This review has zero pictures. The place wasn't well lit enough for cell phone cameras and the regular camera had a dead battery. This is a shame, because this is one of the first times I can remember where the burgers that were brought out of the kitchen looked just as good as the burgers on the menu. Fortunately, we will definitely be back, and we hope to get some pictures of these burgers out to you soon. UPDATE 5/12/2010: Got a new camera, took that sucker to Rockwell, ate a fat cheeseburger, and collected some pics. ENJOY!!

So, we decided to go to the Rockwell Tavern. The original reason we went was simply because it was right next to PO's Burgers. Both of them have signs out front claiming that they had the world's best burger, and it sounded like we needed to go in there and settle it for ourselves, and for the rest of the world. Then, when we decided to fire it back up yesterday we found this glowing review from Houston Press and were suddenly watering at the mouth to get out to Rockwell.

Rockwell Tavern is located in Cypress, within a few miles of Highway 290 and Telge. It's in a very unassuming location smack dab in the middle of a small strip center. Inside are about fifteen or twenty tables, a bar, and a little standing room only area between the two. Tonight when we went in we quickly noticed that the combination of a Tuesday night and Houstonians acting like it doesn't get cold this time of year had the place completely empty. We took our seats and had the full attention of the entire restaurant staff, who were very friendly, for a large portion of our visit.

The restaurant itself is a dive. Not a big deal. It is clean, but the furnishings are old and the decor is definitely "average bar". The exception? The restrooms are decked out in old car parts. The best little touch? The stall in the men's restroom has badging for Dodge's 5.7 liter Hemi engine. It has a strong "you knew what this was when you came in here" kind of vibe.

On their menu they have a ton of custom burgers. Several that break the usual trend. They have burgers with a fried egg, burgers with teriyaki and pineapple, italian style burgers with marinara sauce and even a burger called the "El Diablo" that is so hot that you have to sign a waiver to eat it, but the reward is a free t-shirt. (Next time, honey.)

Our party of three sat down and ordered up an Iron Man burger, a Swiss Goddess and a Samurai burger. The Iron Man was the definitive spicy chili burger. It had a GLOB of habanero-spiced chili, jalapenos and cheese. The Swiss Goddess was a mushroom swiss burger that was advertised as a "pile of mushrooms and cheese" that was very true to its word, and the Samurai burger had Bacon, Pineapples thrown in with a sweet teriyaki sauce. All of them came armed with a 1/2 pound, hand formed patty and was served on a custom sweet sourdough roll.

No time to wait, time to eat. That first bite was a showstopper. The guys at Rockwell don't play generic cheeseburger. Every single flavor that they tell you is on the menu shows up with it's A-game. The flavors are all incredibly rich, which allows you to taste every single ingredient almost seperately. Different parts of your tongue are firing different sparks directly into your brain, all screaming for more. By the time I got to the center, where all the ingredients are concentrated the most, we had all agreed that we had just taken on the best burger we've ever eaten. Not just in Houston, not just on this burger quest, it's the best burger any of us have ever had. Period. And another period for good measure.

Eating it was interesting. The chili burger had entire ladle-fulls of chili with a little habanero kick, so it had to be eaten mostly with a fork. The bun stood no chance of holding back firepower of that magnitude. I almost had the same situation with my burger. By the time I was done with the Samurai burger I had delicious pieces of teriyaki pineapple and bacon ready for my fork and the bun spent the entire time on life support due to the pineapple juice. The mushroom swiss burger left a trail of delicious sauteed mushrooms behind it simply because the bun could not contain them all.

Side dishes? Good news, it gets even better. They have, hands down, some of the best onion rings I have ever had. They are fried up crispier than any onion ring I have ever had, and still aren't burned at all, and the onion doesn't shrivel up and disappear either. The french fries are well above average, nothing too special, but still damn good, and then to top it all off they also have some rocking sweet potato fries.

Stop reading this site and go to Rockwell Tavern and Grill. The quest for the best burger in Houston continues, but we don't know how these burgers could possibly be topped!!! We have adjusted the top 3 on the sidebar. You are now looking at the Rockwell Tavern as the best followed up by Miller's Cafe and then The Backyard Grill.

Miller's Cafe

2009-10-05T09:36:00.002-05:00

I feel like I have a confession to make before I write this review. Going into this burger quest, I already had 2 heavy favorites. Shuttle Burger and Miller's Cafe, both places that we didn't go to right away because I wanted to cleanse my palate before going back to my old favorites. Miller's Cafe has a lot of sentimental value for me. They used to have a location in Alief that I used to go to with my grandparents when I was a kid with dreams of tacking a belt-busting double burger.

Now Miller's has three locations that I know of and a fourth that I can't confirm. One is in the Medical Center in Scurlock Tower, one is on Shephard just north of 610, one on Bay Area Blvd way down in League City and there is apparently a fourth in downtown, I'm thinking it may be in the tunnel. The Miller's I usually go to these days is the one on Shephard, and I often end up at the one in the Med Center when I land some work out there, but this review takes place at the one way out in League City.

Nick and I were part of a massive operation on Saturday and Sunday. Clear Creek ISD had a computer virus issue and we both shipped out to go be a part of the solution. Lunchtime came on Saturday and I immediately perked up stating that this was our opportunity to hit up Miller's. We dragged about twenty people into the little burger joint and went to work on getting some cheeseburger goodness.

Miller's is a tried and true burger joint. The menu is hamburger, cheeseburger, mushroom burger, bacon buger, jalepeno burger, chili burger, combinations of the former burgers, doubled up versions of the former burgers and a select few items like chicken sandwiches and a philly cheesesteak. There's a blurry picture on the bottom if you are curious. I ordered up a mushroom swiss burger and Nick brought all guns to bear on a double bacon cheeseburger. I have no idea what Nick drank, but mine was going down the esophageal waterslide with some Diet Pepsi.

Their burgers are massive. You really don't need to bother ordering fries. Even the single patty burger pushes a solid half pound brick of meat with very generous amounts of toppings that are obviously just dropped on by the handful with their standard spread of the popular mustard/mayo combination.

That first bite? It's throws you off a little. It's really good, but the flavor is pretty unique. I have a hard time even coming up with adjectives to describe the flavor that is somehow imparted into the meat outside of generic words like scrumptious. Then you take a second bite and realize that it's for real. It becomes immediately obvious that you just bit into a burger that isn't just a handful of plain or lightly seasoned meat, this stuff is greased up with a fantastic rub, dropped on a hot griddle that sears all of the juices into it and wrapped in the only thing that can contain it... a fresh baked bun that absorbs all the greasy goodness like a sponge and then 2 pieces of butcher paper to ensure that all of it is contained..

They serve up some above average french fries, nothing you'll write home about, but nothing that will dissapoint you. I haven't ever tried the onion rings, and it was Nick's first venture into a Millers and he also downed the fries.

So the ranking? Hell yes it's the best burger so far. We do agree that it only barely edges out the Backyard Grill, which was back on top for a few mere days now that Goodson's has let us down twice in a row after our one amazing experience, leading us to decide that justice must prevail and to dethrone our champion.

Goodson's: Updated

2009-10-01T09:19:00.002-05:00

Quick and dirty -- Goodson's is officially dethroned. We have been back two times since we had what we declared was the best burger we've had so far in the city and have found nothing but disappointment. The burger is still good, but it certainly isn't the best, and therefore, we hereby declare that Goodson's is still a decent burger, but no longer in the Top 3. Go get their chicken fried steak instead. It's still a showstopper.

Welcome back to the top Backyard Grill. New top 3 are Backyard Grill, P.O.'s Burgers and Otto's Barbecue. Will it last?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Cedar Creek

2009-09-17T21:46:00.007-05:00

After a week off, the craving struck again. Needed a burger. What kind of burger? A big, fat nasty (read: juicy and delicious) bar-style burger. We started a short list of bars that we wanted to go hit that we knew served burgers and quickly dwindled it down to Cedar Creek, mostly because it's my absolute favorite beer spot in Houston.

Cedar Creek is a bar among bars. It's tucked back from the main roads, surrounded by lots of big trees and has a huge patio that literally pulls up right to a creek. They have a really nice draft wall including several Texan beers, including 4 kinds of Shiner, 4 kinds of Saint Arnold, Lone Star, and heck, you can even get a can of Pearl if you want it. The weather has been absolutely amazing so the need to sit on that patio and chew some cow while sipping on Shiner Hefeweizen was on the front of my mind.

Our group rolled into Cedar Creek right at dusk on a Wednesday night. We quickly learned that half of the city also had the need to drink beers on the best bar patio in town and spent a few minutes fighting for a table. We got ourselves to a picnic table and grabbed some menus. Lots of burger options. We dropped our order in for a Blue Hog burger that is topped with blue cheese and bacon, a Mushroom Swiss burger and a Dutchess that comes with chili and extra onions.

This is where things go wrong. Cedar Creek was absolutely slammed. We waited over an hour for food simply because it was obvious that they were overrun with demand. Still, the food that was coming out of the kitchen looked absolutely amazing.

Then the burgers arrived and things changed. The burgers arrived and looked delicious. However, one bite in and all that we could taste was bread. Two bites in and we tasted bread and a little bit of smoke. Three bites in and we didn't find any other flavor. It was completely dry, if not burnt. The condiments were spread very thin and didn't really add any flavor. A high point? The vegetables were very fresh. Topping the burger with full spears of pickle was especially nice. Unfortunately, the freshness of the vegetables stops impressing once you realize that there is more lettuce on your burger than there is meat.

Did you watch The Matrix? Remember the scene where they are eating protein goop in the ship's dining room? That's what I would imagine the burger tasted like, except burnt. Cedar Creek has officially beaten me in creating a burger inspired by an elephant graveyard in the middle of a desert. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. I don't know if that's the standard burger at Cedar Creek or if the chef was asleep at the wheel, but the ownership should seriously reprimand, if not flat out fire whoever is ultimately responsible for what we were served depending on if what we received was the usual fare. It was a nine dollar burger that made me want nothing more than to go down the street to Burger King and get a Whopper. Sad, but true. I'd rather have a Whopper.

Cedar Creek does have some very tasty food options. We also had an order of their sloppy nachos at the table and an order of fried pickles. They were fantastic. We all agreed that the fried pickles were some of the best that we have ever had and that the nachos were showstopping. I'm already craving a gigantic tray of them not even 24 hours later.

So, what was learned? Cedar Creek is still a fantastic bar. I love it. Everyone that came along liked the atmosphere, the beer selection is great and there are lots of decent food options. We'll all go back. Often. What will we not do? Order a burger. If I needed a burger I'd work the Han Solo angle and smuggle in a #1 combination from Whataburger to go with my beer. Not surprisingly, Cedar Creek is rocking last place on the quest for the best burger in the city. Not even close to any other place that we have been.

The quest goes on...

NOTE: Yes, this post is picture free. While the burgers looked great, they tasted awful, and pictures wouldn't do them any justice. Executive decision. I never claimed I'd be fair. I am interested if anyone else has ever had their burger and would like to chime in with their thoughts about it. Did we get a fluke? Does it always suck? What's the deal?

Mytiburger

2009-09-02T18:18:00.013-05:00

Tuesday night burger? You betcha! Today's stop was decided by a recommendation we received at the Houston Burgers twitter account. We were sent to Mytiburger which is at 2211 W 43rd St, see it on the burger map.

You arrive in a parking lot which has nothing but a teeny tiny little burger stand. It's old. You can tell it moved in at least 20 or 25 years ago. It may look like a dive, but it is very clean and well maintained.

Inside the itty-bitty restaurant they have about 3 tables and a booth to complement the 4 picnic tables they have outside. The entire place is decorated in Coca-Cola. The tables, walls, fixtures, even some of the chairs were all branded with the soda, making it pretty obvious I wasn't going to be getting my hands on a Diet Pepsi on this trip. The place is a three person mom and pop operation during peak dinner hour. They had a cook, someone taking the orders and an extra hand running around trying to look busy.

What do we order? The group gets 4 Mytiburgers with cheese. Three of us opted for standard fries but Mytiburger also serves up sweet potato fries and one of us grabbed an order of those. Then Coca-Cola and Diet Coke all around. We had to go easy on the sodas though, Mytiburger charges 50 cents for a refill and they sure do put a lot of ice in your cup. We grabbed a table outside to enjoy the arrival of some cooler weather and began the wait.

Ten minutes of waiting were rewarded with two little white lunch sacks packed with burgers and fries. We divied it out and quickly began chowing down. What were we rewarded with? One of the absolute best old-fashioned burgers we've ever had. I need to stress the word old-fashioned. This isn't the best burger that we've had on this trip, but much like Otto's Barbecue, these burgers have that classic flavor that you can only really seem to get from older, more traditional burger stands. You could draw a good comparison with Whataburger. The Mytiburger tastes exactly like the absolute best Whataburger that you could ever put in your mouth, the Nick creature even declared that the burger was probably exactly what the W tasted like back when it was a little burger stand in Corpus Christi. Every single item I could touch on compares almost exactly to Whataburger. The bun, the veggies, the patty, everything is just like Whataburger only a little bit better. Even the grease level was about the same. Bonus points? They don't put mayo on their burgers. Mustard only. Other burger joints should take some notes.

The french fries were standard, fat, plain fries. I had to douse mine in salt, pepper and ketchup to give them any flavor. More bonus points? Old school red ketchup squeezebottles. Even more bonus points? It was nearly empty so I could make a few immature fart jokes. Unlike the regular fries, the sweet potato fries were, to sum it up in a word, badass. Crispy, thin and a refreshing change to the usual fries and onion rings. I recommend that anyone who hits up Mytiburger try them at least once.

The verdict? As we've already noted, this burger is fantastic, but it didn't hit home enough to make us declare it the best burger in Houston. It lands smack dab in the middle of all of the competition so far, although for a more classic tasting burger, you cant go wrong with Mytiburger. Wait, last minute bonus points? Yes. Ladies, if you ever need a burger with a view, Mytiburger is conveniently right next door to a fire station. The girls didn't seem to have much to contribute to the conversation during the meal... almost as if they were distracted by something. Just sayin'.....

See you next week!!

(UPDATE 9/3/2009: We stand corrected. Sources say this building came outta the 50's.)

Goodson's Cafe

2009-08-26T17:03:00.013-05:00

We were fast approaching deadline this week and had to get to a burger joint fast. So we jump on 249, a freeway that has yet to get any love on the site, and we went out in search of the American classic. We ended up stopping at Goodson's Cafe, which is a restaurant I have been to several times in my day because they are known for having one of the best chicken fried steaks money can buy. We decide to go inside and test the burger.

When we get in, you instantly realize that you are in a southern restuarant. The place is lined with anything and everything cowboy related that you can imagine. We are seated in a booth and handed menus that boast about two things. They claim to serve the world's best chicken fried steak and then they also plug the world's best double bacon cheeseburger. Nick orders one and I opt for the mushroom/grilled onion burger while our lady friends order up their world famous chicken fried steaks.

The burgers made their way to the table and as soon as they were put in front of us we knew we were in for something special. The grease was already bleeding out all over the plate. What was inside the bleeding corpse? The "world famous" burger was 2 patties totaling one pound of ground beef, a griddle toasted bun, lettuce, pickle, and sauteed onions with mayonnaise. The mushroom burger I ordered was the same thing except minus one of the half pound patties and with mushrooms, of course. I also opted for mustard because mayonnaise is terrible. It was time to dig in!

Upon first bite we knew we had stumbled upon something special. We hadn't even really planned on going to this restaurant any time in the near future, but almost as if by providence we both wound up with a mouthful of one of the most heavenly cheeseburgers we had ever tasted. Before even swallowing that first bite we were talking, with our mouths full, about how this burger had just bested every other burger that we've tasted thus far. The grease was everywhere. Napkins couldn't fly fast enough. The grilled onions were caramelized and seasoned to give off a little bit of a sweet flavor while the patty contrasted with a somewhat peppery, very intense, and very juicy beef flavor that just about blew the brains out of the backs of our skulls. All this time, the buckets of grease combined the flavors throughout the toppings, spread and bun resulting in a taste that will roll your eyes into the back of your head. Best burger we have had so far.

We almost need to award a prize over the fact that Goodson's Cafe is the first burger joint out of all of the places we have been to that actually cooked a burger medium when ordered. Everywhere else we have been has just cranked out medium-well as if born to do it, no matter what you ordered. Some of these places you could tell them to just run some raw meat on a plate through a warm room and you'd still get medium well. Not Goodson's. You get what you want.

How were the side dishes? The french fries, while looking very plain in the photo, were fried to a nice crispy finish. They weren't as gamechanging as their burger was, but they were delicious, which is refreshing because minus the Backyard Grill, we've found that the better the burger the worse the fries.

So, what are you waiting for? If you are craving a cheeseburger, you need to head out 249 towards Tomball and sink your teeth into one of Houston's finest. Check the burger map for the location and enjoy.

P.O.'s Burgers

2009-08-19T18:50:00.012-05:00

P.O.s Burgers is the next stop on the quest for the ultimate cheeseburger. It's a middle-of-nowhere burger stop that's in Cypress, TX which is a little almost-suburb of Houston. The restaurant itself is an offshoot of a country bar and dance hall that's attached to the back of the building. The sign promises the world's best burgers. So we went in to see if they can stand up to their claims.
When you walk in, you walk into what was obviously a bar at some point. A bar stretches around the L-shaped dining area and behind it there is a griddle and some fryers where the food is prepared. There were a lot of old, dusty beer signs and memorabilia on the walls of the dining area. which was made up of wooden picnic tables. In fact, when you really take a look around, you realize that the entire place is either dead trees or scrap metal

Taking a look at the menu, they offer the usual selection of hamburgers, cheeseburgers and bacon cheeseburgers, but they also have buffalo, ostrich and turkey burgers. Their specialty is the P.O. burger which is a mushroom, bacon and swiss burger with mayo and lettuce only. All of them are offered up in 1/4 lb and 1/2 lb sizes. You can also get specialty buns that weren't unloaded off of a truck that are made out of fresh baked white, wheat or jalepeno cheese breads.

Deciding that the place needed to be judged based on their namesake burger, I ordered the P.O. burger with fries on the jalepeno cheese bun. They asked me what kind of fries I wanted, and I had to ask what they had. This was a mistake because the list weighs in at about six hundred different varieties. They have french fries, waffle fries, cheese fries, cajun fries, curly fries, steak fries, onion fries (which are really just onion rings) and tater tots. If you have a specific way you like your deep fried potatoes, P.O.'s has it.

While waiting for the food to come out we noticed two things that made us really anticipate the perfect, hole in the wall, middle of nowhere, mom and pop cheeseburger. The ketchup bottle and the roof. The ketchup was the most generic bottle of tomato paste we'd ever seen and then the roof? Completely made of tin. It definitely brought that small town feeling to a place not very far from the big city.

Before the burgers made their way out I also noted that I might have found the worst soda fountain in the city. I'm used to a soda fountain dumping too much carbonated water in the drink, but too much syrup? This was new, and it wasn't much of a treat. The Diet Coke was overpowering and then when I tried the Coca-Cola Classic I was greeted with the same super sweet flavor I was trying to escape. I stuck with it though, as I didn't want to venture a guess as to how old the iced tea was.

Our number was called and the burgers were on their way out. They come in good-ol' red baskets, wrapped in butcher paper that the grease has eaten almost completely through. It's definitely the juiciest burger we've seen short of the Gut Bomb from Otto's Barbecue. First bite? FANTASTIC!! The place may not have great amenities, they might have terrible soda, they might have ketchup manufactured in China that contains lead and asbestos, but the burger was something else.

The first taste I got was sweet. The jalepeno cheese bread had a little bit of sugar in it to make it a sweet kind of bread and it melted in my mouth with the assistance of the grease from the patty. That taste gave way to the flavor of bacon, mushrooms, cheese and mayonnaise, which is a condiment I usually despise, but in this case the combination of bread, grease and vegetables came together and produced one of the richest flavors I have ever gotten out of a burger. Then the patty. It hits just when you don't think your tastebuds can take much more, suddenly blending fresh cow in with all the flavors that you've already experienced.

We all quickly agree that this is one of the best burgers we've had so far despite the rest of the places shortcomings. I was convinced it was one of the best we've had and struggled to rank it while Nick quickly declared it the new silver medalist in our search. I couldn't disagree. Once again we are still convinced that Backyard Grill has them beat, but P.O.'s put the stomp on all the other competition we have found so far, including the legendary Lankford Grocery and our old second favorite, Otto's BBQ.

Check the map and give P.O.'s a try for yourself. It's a fantastic burger that will probably become one of your staples, especially if you live out on the northwest side.

Lankford Grocery

2009-08-11T16:29:00.010-05:00

This week's review covers what has been by far and away the most recommended burger in the city. Since we started the website we have had a ton of recommendations for places to go. Usually someone just recommends one of their favorite places and a few places they've heard of, and that's how we have assembled the list of places we plan on going. Lankford had about ten different people telling us we needed to go there when the next most recommendations came sliding in at a not nearly as impressive two. Expectations were incredibly high.

We showed up and found the place to be the absolute definition of a dive. Just walking up you get a patio shaded by very old trees, which seem to have moved the foundation around because the entire restaurant seems to have a tilt to it. Then you make it inside and notice and some of the roof beams are seperating. Red, white and blue tablecloths and nothing inside seemed newer than 1985 except for a picture of Guy Fieri's big fat bleached blonde head. Apparently he likes the burgers. The decor was described perfectly as "America".

What do we order? Chicken strips? HA! 3 bigass cheeseburgers are en route to our table. Before they come out though, in a little disappointing fashion, the sodas come out. In cans. No free refills. It's 2009 and this is America, my fat ass requires no less than three full 32 oz glasses of Diet Coke fresh out of a soda fountain. To compensate, I upgraded my beverage to a Shiner Smokehaus. Delicious!

The burgers come out wrapped up in 3 pieces of parchment paper in a classic all american plastic burger basket. They are huge. Definitely a double fister. I take the easy way out and cut the beast in half. I didn't order any fries, but at the table there is an order of fries and an order of onion rings within reach. Time to bite into what I am convinced is going to be the best burger I've ever devoured.

The burger is great. The bun was lightly toasted, and strangely only half covered in sesame seeds on every single burger that came out. I had to go looking for the slice of cheese, but only because the burger was so big that a slice of cheese doesn't cover all of the real estate. The vegetables were thick and generously applied.

The patty is obviously formed by hand and it crumbles apart in your mouth without really even needing to bite into it. As soon as your teeth are in the bread, you have tiny little pieces of meat rolling off onto your tongue, almost as if they want to chew themselves. This behavior is something I approve of wholeheartedly. The burger does have a little bit of drip action, but the juice doesn't really run like what I would expect out of something I would label a greaseburger, which isn't a criticism at all, just take it and apply that fact to your personal taste. They don't seem to be very drippy because they are obviously cooked over an open flame, at least, that's what the scorch marks lead me to believe since I didn't really taste any smokey flavor, except in my beer.

Was anything truly bad at Lankford? Yep. Hands down, Lankford Grocery serves up the worst french fries I've ever tasted. Imagine getting a bag of frozen french fries from Wendy's, undercooking them and then putting absolutely no seasoning on them whatsoever. Gross? Yes. Plain, soggy fries are unacceptable, but nevertheless, that's Lankford's super secret french fry recipe. On the other hand, the onion rings were great. Whenever I find myself back here, that's definitely the side I am going with.

The question though, is this burger the best burger I've ever had? No. It's very, very good but as for where we stand on our burger reviews I would rather go to Backyard Grill, and as an added bonus, they are open at dinner time whereas Lankford shuts down right at 3pm and takes the weekend off.

See you next week folks!!

Whataburger

2009-07-29T19:08:00.017-05:00

Whataburger, or as we call it in my circle, The W. The name should resonate with every man, woman and child in Texas. Why? It's the best fast food burger that you can get in the state.

We will begin with a quick question. Where do you go when you want a burger at 3:30 in the morning? Whataburger, of course. Where do you go when you just don't have time to drive all around this monstrosity of a town to get a delicious cheeseburger? Whataburger, of course. Where do you go when you are stuck on the interstate during a long road trip? Rest easy, that next small Texas town has an orange W waiting for you. They have over 700 restaurants, all open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and there is one in just about every town of note in the Bluebonnet state.

The burger? It's an elephantine 5-inch beef circle dressed however you like it. I am particularly fond of the Double Meat with no onions, extra pickles, grilled jalepenos and cheese. All of this with a side of their fries and 32 ounces of Diet Coke, which is more soda than any human being could ever need in a day.

Me and mine? We love Whataburger. It's a staple. It absolutely crushes all the competition when there isn't any time to cook at home. Not many days go by without the craving, although willpower to not look like America's Next Top Fatty usually wins out. I have even managed to procure a Honey BBQ Chicken Sandwich tshirt from a friend who works for them in San Antonio. It is worn often, with a sense of pride that really isn't even mine.

Let's talk about Whataburger Fancy Ketchup. It's Fancy. There are many pretenders to the throne, but there is only one true master. Hands down the best ketchup that I've ever put in my yap. I'll never understand the few people I have met who do not like it. It even comes in convenient ready-to-drown-your-fries packaging that makes silly plastic packets cry in their sleep. I don't think I'll ever understand why they don't sell the hell out of it in stores, I'd buy it by the bottle. Want to know a trick to make something similar to Whataketchup? Mix lots of garlic into some Heinz. BOOM! Done. Poor man's Whataburger Ketchup.

So, what happens if you just woke up and aren't ready for a #1 combination? Whataburger breakfast. Taquitos are the name of the game. Then, when you really want to get yourself a step closer to that triple bypass, there's no tastier way to start a morning than a bacon, egg and cheese taquito and a honey butter chicken biscuit.

Go to Whataburger.com. Find your closest location. Go get a combination meal and enjoy the finest fast food burger that the United States of America has to offer.

P.S. In-N-Out doesn't have jack on The W.

Note: This is not officially being considered a stop on the "Find the Best Burger in Houston" tour. This is a cheap cop-out because this weekend was spent celebrating the eighth anniversary of my 18th birthday. We will return to our regular programming for next week's post.

Otto's Barbecue, or The Gut Bomb

2009-07-26T21:56:00.012-05:00

Today we ventured inside the loop, originally planning on stopping off at Christian's Tailgate, but upon realizing they were closed on Sunday, we headed straight for the nearby Otto's Barbecue. It is located on 5502 Memorial Dr in the 77007. Check the map.

There was a lot of anticipation in going to Otto's. While working a contract job a few weeks ago I was told a story about Otto's serving up a burger called the Gut Bomb. It was described as Otto's special burger, which was two patties, two slices of cheese, a fat glob of chili and a solid half of an onion, diced, all between two griddle toasted patties. The legend stated that it came wrapped in three pieces of wax paper because it ate through the first two pieces and that even once you unwrapped it the only real way to consume it without looking like a toddler in front of his first bowl of spaghetti is to eat it with a fork. The record for containing the sheer kinetic force of the gut bomb? Two hours. Legen-wait for it-dary.

We walk into the restaurant and it is a total dive. It's definitely the kind of place where cleanliness only means up to code. Cool with us, it gives a place character, and we firmly believe that when we find the best burger in the city it could very well come out of the trunk of a burnt out automobile. We walked up to the counter and were greeted by an incredibly cool old guy that promptly offered up a chili burger that would "take care of ya ass" when he heard us discussing it. The reply? Bring it on.

None of us knew exactly what was going to come out of that kitchen, but our number was called and today's case was revealed to be an amazing pile of what would make some men beg for more and others turn away in disgust. Because we were eating in the restaurant, it didn't come out wrapped in three pieces of wax paper, it came on a plate, which differed from every other burger we were served. It also came with a fork. This would also prove to be essential.

The burgers all turned out to be fantastic. They came off of a griddle, so none of the juices or grease had the chance to escape. The flavor was rich and almost overwhelming to the palate, just like most greaseburgers tend to be when they haven't had a chance to bleed out. All of us finished our burgers with puddles in the bottoms of our basket as the only sign that food once occupied the area. Veggies were cold and crisp, with the exception of the mushrooms, which were obviously taken out of a jar and thrown on the griddle. Diet Coke was ice cold. Appetites were satisfied.

The burgers were all served with a side of crinkle fries. Thinking about it, it has been years since I can remember being in a place that served them up. Historically I've hated them simply because I always seemed to get a batch of them that were soggy and flavorless. Otto's was different. He fried the hell out his potatoes. They were really crispy. They didn't come out seasoned but a salt shaker at the table took care of what had been left undone. The onion rings were, simply put, badass. They were in a slightly sweet batter that really lent flavor to the onion within. Everyone should order them. Every time.

So, was the entire Gut Bomb finished? Yes. Once again, Nick stepped up to the plate and slayed the beast. Did it live up to it's legend? Yes and no. There was one dissapointing fact about the burger. The chili was simply wolf brand chili, which is definitely a let down, although it is still delicious. You just can't sneak canned chili by a man here in the South. We still agreed it was a monster of a burger, and it even managed to live up to it's digestive legend, although details will not be discussed.

We all walked out of Otto's completely satisfied. On another great note, the price is stellar. You can go to Otto's for the same cost of going to Burger King. I'd probably hurt myself at this place if it was much closer to my house. How does it rank among the places we've been so far? It's up there with the best, although we agreed that we'd probably go to Backyard Grill again first. What should you take away from this? You need to get yourself to Otto's and get yourself a greaseburger.

The Backyard Grill

2009-07-19T18:30:00.016-05:00

Today's burger stop? The Backyard Grill on Jones Rd, which is on the NW side of town.This restaurant was not new to me, although my partner in crime had never been. Whenever I have been to the BYG in the past, I have generally opted for a burger and today was no exception. They have a gigantic menu. Their burger options alone total eleven, two of them being full-on eating challenges. Click the thumbnail of the menu to get a full rundown of all their options. I opted for the MOAB (Mother of All Burgers) with a Saint Arnold's Lawnmower and Nick threw down on the Big Daddy, which is basically a double MOAB and is also an eating challege that gets your name and picture enshrined on the wall of the restaurant. Since it was an eating challenge, he stuck with water. The third in our party ordered a mushroom swiss burger and a Diet Coke.

While waiting for the burgers, I took a few minutes to point out some cool things to notice about the restaurants decor. We had chosen to sit on the patio, but inside they have an elephantine tree, obviously fake, sprouting up in the middle of the place that literally spans out across the entire restaurant, which I think is one of the best decorations I've seen in almost any restaurant in the city. On the big patio outside they have all kinds of decorated fenceposts on the cover over the patio. I think just about anyone can make one up and bring it in, some were as new as when Hurricane Ike came through.

Time to eat, we went early and beat the rush, so the burgers, cooked exactly as we ordered them, showed up very quickly. Rather than focus on the MOAB burger that I ordered, we will simply focus on the Big Daddy, which is twice the burger that the MOAB will ever be. The monstosity on the left is the challenge before Nick. Two 1/2 pound patties, lettuce, pickles, onions, grilled jalepenos, 2 slices of american and two slices of swiss cheese, 4 full strips of bacon cut into halves, a pile of mushrooms, mustard, and a sesame seed bun were all that stood between Nick and permanent real estate on the wall of the restaurant. Then to make things even more fun, he was informed that he had to eat all of the fries too.

The burger is damn near the pinnacle of what we hope to keep finding on our search for the perfect burger. It was incredibly juicy, the Big Daddy even had enough of it's juices left in it that it ran down the arms all the way to the elbows. Even better? It was cooked on an open grill, and not a big grease-happy griddle. Simply put, it was all the best of the greasy skillet burger and all the flavor of what smelled and tasted like an incredibly well-seasoned mesquite wood burning grill.

With all the bacon, mushrooms, jalepenos and other good stuff thrown on our burgers we had a very hard time trying to pin down what the meat was seasoned in, but as good as it was, we didn't really feel it was too important to try and figure it out, especially since the juices were quickly eating through the bottom half of our hamburger buns.

Backyard Grill offers two kinds of french fries. Take my word for it, the only thing you ever want to get are the seasoned fries. They are, simply put, awesome. Their fries are very light and fluffy on the inside while still very crispy and satisfying when you bite into them. French fried perfection.

My burger didn't last long, and neither did the mushroom swiss. It was a very quiet meal. Rather than have any kind of dialogue about what we were eating we spent all of our time chewing and listening to old country music that they were playing over the sound system on the patio. When two of us were finished, it came time to watch Nick attempt to conquer the mountain of food that had been placed before him. The burger went down without hesitation, but the fries were becoming more and more of a battle as each was downed. Making things worse were that the later fries were soaking up all kinds of delicious burger juice left in the basket, and were getting very heavy. Not all the taunting in the world would convince Nick to give up though, and in the end, only one man was left standing:

Burgers complete, we all quickly agreed that this is the exact kind of burger that we are looking for in our quest for the best burger in Houston. We still have a ton of stops to make, but The Backyard Grill sets a damn good benchmark for what a burger should be like. Check their location on the burger map on the top right of the website and give them a shot. They do all kinds of events for kids during the week and they also keep a full bar if you feel like tossing a few back with your meal. Check out The Backyard Grill's website if you want more information about them.

Clay's Restaurant

2009-07-12T14:35:00.014-05:00

For our first stop, we hit a joint on our side of town, Clay's Restaurant. It's been around as long as I can remember. Clay's is a very rustic, western family-style restaurant that serves up plates of American staples such as chicken fried steaks and the subject of our journey, burgers.

Right off the bat, the layout and atmosphere of the restaurant is incredible. There are multiple patios, a very large area where you can send your kids off to play in the sand or pet several different farm animals and I think I even spotted a private dining hall out back. I seem to recall them having volleyball and horseshoes in the past for the adults, but I didn't see either today. Maybe some kid ran across the horseshoe field at the wrong moment and the ensuing carnage resulted in all the stuff for an older demographic pulled. That said, Clay's is easily one of the coolest looking restaurants in the Bayou City.

Time to order up. We both order the standard cheeseburger. Clay's describes it as beginning with a 7oz all beef patty and the standard load includes tomato, pickles, onions, mustard and mayo. I opt for my usual, which is all of the above minus onions and mayo and Nick order up his usual no tomato and no mayo. They offer american, swiss and cheddar cheeses, we both jump at the cheddar. Both are coming with fries and a Coke. The only real Texan beer they offered was Shiner Bock, but it was a little too early in the afternoon to start throwing back brews. One more member of our party gets a mushroom swiss burger with onion rings, which we will touch on later.

The burgers come out quickly, all cooked all the way through, as we weren't offered any option to have it cooked to order. The burger itself looked absolutely fantastic. Shredded cheddar, shredded lettuce, nice sized cuts of tomato and a generous pile of pickles. Everything looks well. Not many words are exchanged before the burgers start vanishing off of our plates. The silence continues until the burgers have just about vanished completely.

The burger itself has a lot of things going for it. The vegetables were just about perfect. The lettuce was still very crisp, the tomatoes were perfect, not to soft and not too hard, the pickles were layered generously on the burger as opposed to getting two or three like many places. The meat was a little dry, a consequence of the longer cooking time, however, in a surprising twist, it was very nice in that it didn't seem to be seasoned in much more than maybe a little salt and pepper and yet the meat managed to stand on it's own, maintaining a very strong, classic beefy flavor that we know and love.

Also, even though the burgers were cooked all the way through, the patty came apart in my teeth with the best of them, so I can't knock it too hard for the chef ensuring that it was dead. Grease factor was about zero. I am assuming it was cooked over an open fire where all the juices dripped off rather than on a range. Fans of a good greaseburger should look elsewhere but those that choke up a little when a burger starts leaking all over butcher paper will feel right at home. The burger isn't perfect, but it's pretty damn good.

Sad notes. Clay's french fries suck. There isn't one positive word in my vocabulary that I would use to describe them. They aren't crisp, they are hardly seasoned at all, maybe with just the tiniest dash of Tony's. They accomplished nothing but making me want something better. I had to drown mine in ketchup, which made me take note that they did have the awesome, classic, squeezable, farty ketchup bottles. While the two of us put our fries away, our third had onion rings with her mushroom swiss. A sampling of one of the onion rings, which was very obviously hand battered, left the mouth watering for more. Only four onion rings came out with her burger though, so we couldn't get to any more of them without being threatened with a steak knife. Clay's should go out of there way to push their onion rings, as they are much more satisfying than their lackluster fries.

In my past I have always gone to Clay's to devour the hell out of one of their chicken fried steak with a fat scoop of mashed potatoes, which is a fantastic example of how it should be done. Clay's puts out a pretty good burger, but next time I am at Clay's, I'll be getting that instead. This was our first stop, and the quest for the best burger in Houston continues.

The Rules

2009-07-10T19:14:00.007-05:00

We're going to lay a few ground rules for how this beefy journey is going to work. These rules can, and probably will, be changed at any time, but only if an agreement is struck that is unanimous.

Beverage:
All burgers must be downed with either a Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, Pepsi or Diet Pepsi. Mr. Pibb and Dr. Pepper fans will have to look away, as they might be too special for this blog.

Beer is an option as long as it is a brew from Texas. This includes delicious offerings from Shiner, the under-appreciated Lone Star and, if available, Houston's own Saint Arnold. We prefer to pair our burgers with a pale lager, such as Lone Star, a bock, such as Shiner Bock or Saint Arnold Spring Bock, or with a weizen, such as Saint Arnold Texas Wheat or Shiner Hefeweizen. If we run into a unique beer option that intrigues us, we only choose to pursue it unanimously or not at all.

Side order:
French fries. Nothing else. Although exceptions will be made for any restaurant that might still have freedom fries. Onion Rings can be ordered if the restaurant makes any fantastic claims about their rings.

Burger:
Burger rules are very simple. We will order a burger how we like it at every place we go. Some may wonder why we don't always get the burger exactly as a restaurant prepares it. The reason for that is that we have to have a control group. Some restaurants may use the mayo/mustard combination as a crutch. Some restaurants may be build your own burger. This leaves the only real option to order it how we like it at every place we visit.

Burgers shall not be cooked to anything greater than medium-well. If they do not ask how we want the burgers prepared, we will accept them as they come and then complain a lot afterward on this blog if it is well done.

We are going to attempt to do a burger once a week. They may be more often, but no less than once a week.

Any friends that tag along will possibly have their opinion published, but their thoughts will not tally into any rankings.

Points can be awarded based on hotness of waitress.

These are your ground rules. Prepare for a burgasm.

Welcome

2009-07-09T14:52:00.004-05:00

Welcome to the quest for the best cheeseburger in Houston. This blog is being set up to chronicle the journey of two friends who have decided to set out and find the best cheeseburger in the city armed only with a Honda Accord and an empty stomach

We plan on posting reviews, pictures, locations and we even hope to eventually accept guest reviews. Saddle up and bring some napkins.