The world as I see it.

Simple pleasures 95 of 365

2010-09-04T19:03:07Z

Rabbit.
Late night around a fire with friends.
Going to mom and dad’s tomorrow for lunch.
Thinking about curling up and the warm fuzzy feeling that gives me.
Someone I adore had his first free weekend in way too long.
An absolutely beautiful day in Southern Illinois.
Saturday morning at Jac’s, good food she cooked and great conversation we had.
Getting to wear long sleeves tonight.

Simple pleasures 94 of 365

2010-03-18T05:59:33Z

NCAA Brackets….I will win. Louisville all the way baby!
Jumbalya
Talking to my mom for the first time in too long.
Brandon’s first game tomorrow.
Brandon pitching at Grayville on Friday.

Simple pleasures 93 of 365

2010-03-03T15:38:21Z

On the couch with my laptop and Luc’s KC Chief’s blanket.
UK basketball tonight with good friends.
Thinking about making Lasagna, but maybe not either.
Got a good email from Jaclyn about age. One of my favorite lessons: “I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.” I also know that it gives you a third, fourth and fifth sometimes.
A nice, extremely long soak in the tub.

There’s this boy…

2010-03-03T03:19:58Z

Yeah, there is a boy now. And as much as I would love to go on and on about him, I won’t. He has asked me not to, so I won’t. I respect his privacy, but it’s going to make writing on here very difficult. I have wrote about everything in my life on this blog for a long time, and keeping him off of here will be tough. So this will be the one and only post about him.

It’s taken me a long time to let go—to let go of the past, the people in my past and the mistakes of my past. But something happened the weekend of my birthday. I don’t exactly know what minute of that weekend it happened, but it was definitely that weekend sometime. I’m over the hump. I have been pissed off for almost a year and I’m tired of it. I was letting the past control the future. I was over-thinking everything. I was playing the “what if” game with myself.

Now I’m living for today. I have stopped over-thinking. I’m going with my instincts. No more dwelling on the past, no more worrying, no more being scared of being hurt, no more trying to cause the hurt. I’m done with it all. Maybe I’m getting wiser with age. Maybe I have finally learned a lesson. Who knows and who cares. I know that right now I am actually content. I have finally started recognizing myself when I look in the mirror again, and I’m OK with what I see. I have figured out some of the things that make me happy and I have tried to cut out things that don’t. I am even beginning to like NASCAR (my guy is Clint Boyer in the Cheerios car). But as hard as I have tried I still can’t really enjoy watching UK basketball. It makes me think about my grandpa, and even though it’s been almost ten years since he died, I still think about him everyday. I carried his pocketwatch again today with me to court, as I have done every time I have been to court this past year.

Sure I know I’m not cured, and I know that I’m not perfect and neither is my life. And I know that every day isn’t going to be the greatest day of my life, but I have come to a new understanding of my life. I am learning to get over the bad things that have happened and I am learning how to celebrate the good things.

Who knows what tomorrow brings. I sure don’t. But I’m not sitting on the sidelines any more. I have been telling everybody that I’m back, but that’s not entirely true. I think the person that I am is still me, but it’s also new and improved. I still have some of the same flaws I have always had, but hopefully the good about me outweighs the bad.

Anyway, back to the boy. (Mom, you can ask me about him and I’ll tell you.) Me and him are having an exceptionally good time right now. I think we both know each other pretty good. Our crowd has told me we are both a lot alike. He can beat me every time at Wheel of Fortune at Brent and Tami’s, but we have yet to spar at Jeopardy, where I am confident that I will be victorious. I have no idea where this relationship might go and I don’t even care. I have no preconceived expectations for this relationship. I’m good with how things are going. But I have started missing him when he’s not around, and that concerns me. And my boys both adore him, especially the little one.

That’s all you get about him and me. Sorry. Maybe someday he will change his mind, but for now no more boy talk.

Simple pleasures 92 of 365

2010-02-24T07:40:41Z

Vegetable soup.
Brent and Tammy home safely.
The conception of the Equality Curling Club.
Things I cannot blog about.
Sleeping.
Having Jaclyn help with Simple pleasures two days in a row.

Simple pleasures 91 of 365

2010-02-23T01:57:52Z

Nobody I know went to jail.
Wishing I had the homemade pizza from yesterday, it was absolutely delicious.
Curling. What’s not to love? It is the best Olympic winter sport. For more information click here.
Donny’s dishes. Brock of California Wildflower. They were his grandma’s and he is so proud of them. He still needs a few replacements pieces. If you have any you would like to sell, please contact me at julie@gribco.com.
Blue Boone’s Farm.

Simple pleasures 90 of 365

2010-02-23T01:51:35Z

Snow day!
Revealing a secret to Jaclyn, and her making me giggle about it.
Rearranging my bedroom, washing the bedding and cleaning it top to bottom. I am going to try to sleep in my bed tonight for the first time in eight months.
Beef stew on the stove for supper.
Glad I have my Jeep.

Polling the crowd

2010-02-09T07:32:35Z

First I have to talk about my birthday. It was last Friday and I was 39 years old. All my friends and me got together and had a ball. I’ll have a group pic soon, but for now here is me and Suzy and me and Angie. They made my birthday really, really special. I will definitely remember this year’s bash. Then on Sunday I went to mom and dad’s and had a fabulous dinner with my favorite cake. Mom even made two cakes so I could take one with me for the Superbowl party. I ate the last piece of cake for breakfast this morning and it was delicious.

But this post is really about advice-I need it. I need some guidance. You see, I have been alone now for almost a year. Yeah, I have had offers, but I have turned them all down. I wasn’t ready. I still don’t know if I’m ready now. But there is this boy. I have known him for a long time. Not closely, but we knew each other. In the last couple of months I have been reintroduced to him and we have been at many of the same places on many weekends. We’ve talked alot and I really think I wish he would ask me out. He knows about alot of the drama that has filled my life for the past year and I know about some of his baggage. I’m OK with him knowing. My life hasn’t exactly been a secret for the past year. When we’re together I always have a good time and he always says something that makes me laugh. But I can tell I make him nervous-not in a bad way. I think he wants to ask me out, but for whatever reason he hasn’t yet. When I’m in a room with him I catch him just looking at me. I wish I knew what he was thinking when he does look at me. I know he’s interested, he’s has said so to some of our friends. But, what’s holding him back? My question to you is: Should I make the first move and ask him out (I’ve never, ever done that before)? Or if I shouldn’t then how can I get him to make the leap and ask me? And to my friends who know me best, do you think I’m ready?

Oh a side note, it’s snowing here so I’ll be four-wheelin’ tomorrow in the Jeep. Can’t wait! The bluff has been calling my name but I’ve been ignoring it. I’m movin’ on and I have other places to wheel now. See, maybe I am ready.

Back by popular demand

2009-12-28T06:41:10Z

Yeah, I haven’t written here in a long, long time. I have made many excuses to all my friends who have asked why I haven’t written. The truth is, I just haven’t felt like it. Physically and emotionally I am drained. Life is just too much right now. It has been for awhile, but recently I have kind of threw up my hands and walked away. I did get divorced November 18th. I don’t even come close to having the energy or strength to write about that day. Maybe someday I will, but not now.

My friends and family have kept me going during Thanksgiving and Christmas. And sometimes I know that no one knows what to say or do for me, and that’s OK. I’m not going off the deep end. Sometimes I just think I need to stay in my house for days at a time without leaving. Thank God for my cable TV.

I have high expectations for the new year. After this past year, I really believe there is nothing I can’t handle. And it helps to know that I will always have the support and love of my family and friends.

I’m not making any New Year’s resolutions. Why set myself up to fail?

This past Saturday night me, Jaclyn, Shelly, Amanda, Chicky and Donnie P had a conversation about my blog. Jaclyn said I just need to tell stories about us-about me and my friends and what we do in our time together. She swears we are all interesting. She said I shouldn’t use everyone’s real names so I could protect the innocent….haha. Are any of us really that innocent?

I just have one little tidbit of information from Saturday night to share my opinion about. After the little trick that Donny P performed I have an entirely new respect for him (and his apparent talent).

Very soon I am going to get together with my circle of close friends and let them pick their aliases. Just because I choose to put myself out there doesn’t mean I should expose my friends too. It will be very interesting to see what they come up with.

Oh, and I did get a new Jeep about three weeks ago. And I’m very concerned because Jeep has changed their slogan from “Life is Good” to “I live. I ride. I am. Jeep.” I have the Jeep logo and old tag line tattooed on my left shoulder, am I going to have to get another tattoo? Don’t worry mom I’m only joking, I’m inked up enough. As much as I love Jeeps, I’m not going to get another tattoo.

A moment of weakness

2010-02-09T18:52:59Z

How can I start this post, when I am going to put all of me out there? How do I expose all my weaknesses with dignity? It may not sound good, but here it is.

Most of you know I have been going thru my own private hell since January 19. To say it has been the hardest 10 months of my life is an understatement. I have learned things about myself that I am grateful for, but I have also learned things about my life that have made me physically ill. I have had euphoric highs and mind blowing lows. I have had the blessing of my awesome parents and kids, and my true friends have revealed themselves to me and pulled me thru the roughest days and nights. I have so much to be thankful for, but I still mourn all that has been lost.

I’m not happy yet, I don’t know if I ever will be again. Of course I know that everything will work out in the end, but I just don’t know when the end might be. I honestly believe what my mother says, “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle,” but good grief it’s gotten close a few times. Some days I’m strong, some days I’m not.

The last two weeks have been especially hard. I need something to happen that I have no control over, but it looks like it’s not coming to fruition. I know it will come sooner or later, I just wish it would happen before Wednesday at 9 a.m. There is nothing I can do to rush this along, but I wish there was.

Even though I know it would lead to nothing, I still want to have a conversation with Charlie Gribble. I have so many questions for him, as I am sure he does for me. It’s too bad his unpredictability and my order or protection against him will prevent this from ever happening.

You know, we were good together. We were both so happy. The world was ours for the taking.