Creating together is better!

My old-time blogging friend Leo Babauta of the immensely popular blog Zen Habits has written an ebook on the subject, together with Eric Hamm from the blog Motivate Thyself. It’s a wonderful ebook consisting of essays on the topics of motivation and discipline. It’s not an ebook that you sit down for and read from cover to cover. The writers did not intend to make it that kind of book (and they succeeded at that ), but rather an ebook that is a valuable resource for people – wanting to achieve their goals – that get stuck in the process.

The ebook is a collection of essays that make you think (Eric’s articles are titled towards this kind), and essays that are highly actionable (which is primarily Leo’s domain). Think and do, I think Eric and Leo have found a great cooperation that’s better as a whole than the parts are on their own.

Move that bus!

I really like the metaphore Eric uses in one of his early chapters. He explains motivation using the concept of cars that have broken down.

Think about a car, sitting on a flat, paved road. The engine’s not running and the break is not engaged. Your job is to push the car past a certain point. So you lean into it and start pushing with all your might. At first it’s barely budging, but then starts creeping ahead. You dig deep and give it all you’ve got. The tires start to make their way around and the car starts moving forward. Now your energy is beginning to transfer from brute force to a kind of flow. The further you push the car, the easier it gets as momentum starts to make its way into the scenario. The motivation was the act of breaking the barrier between frozen and forward motion.

One of the things this metaphore reminded me of is the adage that people can only motivate themselves, and cannot be motivated! Interestingly though, he does not touch upon this aspect in the ebook.

Critical note

One critical note though…sometimes the ebook feels like a set of blogposts flung together. But even if it is the value that’s represented in the ebook outweighs that feeling. Maybe you can find all the info on the net too, but you know just as well as I do, that we’re not going to look for it! The ebook is a valuable set of articles that will change your ability to achieve your goals…as soon as you truly take responsibility and start doing things that move you forward!

My blogging break…

Makes you wonder…is my blogging break a motivation or a discipline problem? According to the ebook it’s a motivation problem, because discipline is a poor substitute for motivation. Interesting…I’m heading back in the book to read more. There’s lots to explore in there!

Go get your copy of The Ultimate Motivation Handbook right here for $14.95.

Thank you for showing me the importance of writing a comment policy. Your recent comments – all three of them – have bypassed Akismet only because you actually wrote them yourself and they fit the content of the blog post. Akismet may not be smart enough to mark them as what they truly are: SPAM. Yet that’s what they are.

Yes sir, not only automated messages are spam. Empty comments that pretend to be real comments are spam too, but to be fair: you had no way of knowing. I had not composed a comment policy yet, so I’m not angry with you. Only disappointed.

You see, both of us know that the only reason you commented on all three posts is not because you were compelled by the geniality of the posts themselves. Nor were you blown away by the likeability of my person, or the imaginative writing on my humble blog. No sir, what you were truly attracted to, were the follow links in my Top Commentators section in the sidebar. Three comments would bring you to the top, long enough for Google to notice.

And I can’t even blame you. I made that list a follow list. And then I cut back on my posting frequency, with a reduced reader engagement as a result. It’s up for grabs. I know. But you made that clear to me.

I’m quite fed up with you actually.
You and your fellow spammers.

You steal something that’s simply too precious to me. Time and attention. You don’t deserve it, yet you get it. You con me into giving it to you, and in my book that’s stealing.

So I’m closing the gates. The only mention you’ll get is in this post, as your comments have been deleted. The Top Commentators list is now a no-follow list and a comment policy is in place. I require real names now, not keyword heavy grey hat seo follow link names and other rules real people don’t mind (but I know you’ll hate).

Maybe that’ll reduce the amount of comments on this blog, but to be honest…I’d be glad to be rid of you. I prefer quality over quantity everyday.

And as far as Samsonite goes, I love that brand. Just know that I would never buy it through you, or give you the satisfaction that one of my readers would.

Now go on and create something of real value.

Bye now.

I had announced her birth on Twitter, I even mentioned briefly that we were on the way to the hospital because my wife was going into labor. To which @soniasimone quickly replied that I had to get off of twitter In fact I didn’t see that tweet until after Esmee was born.

Esmee is a little over a month old now, and she’s been giving us a hard time. She cries a lot! And although the start was quite different than with our son, her crying behavior grew into something similar as what we experienced with him. So we’re already working to find out about possible food allergies or intolerances. It’s heartbreaking to see a little baby experiencing so much intestinal discomfort.

But due to this, both my wife and I spend a lot of time and energy comforting her, trying to get her to sleep, struggling to get some sleep ourselves and making sure that our 2 year old son gets enough loving attention too! It took up so much time, that we’re having a hard time doing anything else really. In my spare moments, I try to find a job, connect with people on LinkedIn, write for the blogs or answer my email. Oh…and learn some PHP and MySQL on the side. And I have been thinking a lot lately (what else is there to do when you have to walk around carrying a little one?).

One of the things I hadn’t even mentioned before on this blog, is that I have started writing on a Dutch blog as well. It’s called De InspiratieKamer (The InspirationRoom) and it’s a multi-author blog (there’s 2 of us for now ). The blog is focused on developing creative and presentation skills for people in educational and entrepreneurial organizations. The web presence of De InspiratieKamer at this point is only a blog, but we’re working on expanding De InspiratieKamer to a full set of services, both online and offline.

So if you speak or understand Dutch, please hop on over and take a look! I’d love to hear what you think. And if you like what you see, don’t forget to subscribe to De InspiratieKamer by RSS, email or twitter.

In one fragment Brida sits on a mountain together with Magus, one of her teachers, and they watch the sunset. During the last moments of the sunset both of them say a prayer. This is Brida’s prayer:

Lord,
help me understand
that all the good things in life that happen to me
do so because I deserve them.
Help me to understand
that what moves me to seek out Your truth
is the same force that moved the saints,
and the doubts I have
are the same doubts that the saints had,
and my frailties are the same frailties.
Help me to be humble enough
to accept that I am no different from other people.
Amen.

I love the core message of this prayer. The saints are ordinary people, just like you and I. They are not special people, they have the doubts, questions, and weaknesses too. We are the same. There may be a saint in all of us. The only way they have set themselves apart from us is by their actions.

They didn’t give in to their weaknesses or to their doubts. Their questions lead them along the path to new answers, and to new questions accompanying those answers. They had a force driving them (and you and I can find that too!), wanting to find a truth.

It is by their actions that they became special, not by who they were. They were simply ordinary people, just like you and I.

Photo by jayhem

I have been missing in action lately. I was missing for a reason, and it was a direct result from a decision I made right after I decided I needed to talk to a lawyer. I needed a lawyer to make sure that my employer, or rather my former employer, was following proper procedure in laying me off. They wanted me out of the company, and they thought we had already agreed upon that. Needless to say, we were in disagreement on that matter. Things weren’t very pleasant and I felt I needed a lawyer to assist me. Without going into detail, the way things evolved only firmed my belief that I made the right choice.

At the same time I knew about the many stories of people blogging or twittering about their job affairs on the internet and all the unwanted side effects to them, and to the companies they worked for. I did not know how things would evolve, but I knew that the potential of saying things I might regret later was a lot higher than usual. Better safe than sorry. So I decided that I would not take part in any online conversations as long as things were not in the clear. They are now, so I can lift that self-imposed restraint.

In short, I’m out of a job.

That sucks big time. Especially in these difficult economic times and with a baby coming within a month. I will have a lot more private time when the baby is born. I would never have been able to spend so much time with my family as I will be able to now. Always look on the bright side!

The past couple of weeks have taken a lot of mental energy from me, as soon as you’re in a conflict that changes the nature of your energy. I thrive on creative energy, and this was not a creative conflict. The conflict has been resolved for almost two weeks now (the paperwork took some time though), and in those two weeks I have been rethinking a lot of things. This is a turning point, and I can now see that the past year was a transition year. Although that insight can only be made in hindsight. There’s much more to be said about that, but that’s for later posts.

I know that the blogging pros say that it’s bad practice to apologize for not writing in a while, or even to mention it in a blog post. I learned a lot from the pros, but that doesn’t mean that I have to mindlessly mimic their opinions in my behavior. This is me explaining why I have been missing in action. And that does not only go for the online world. I have been missing in action for a lot of the offline world as well. I’m not sorry for that, because it was the result of a conscious decision. It does mean that I have to spend some time calling and explaining things to people that have been affected by this decision.

So from now on, I’m no longer MIA.
I’m back, alive and kicking (and looking for a job and other ways to make money).

Photo by fontplaydotcom

A few years ago, I was in a car with the promoter of one of my performances. He had picked me up at the airport and was driving me to my hotel. On the way, we talked guitars. We got onto the subject of Olson Guitars, arguably the best guitar in the whole world. At one point, the promoter said, “Yea, well, in my entire life I’ll never own an Olson guitar.”

There was a time when I’d let a remark like this slide on by, even adding my own “me either” to the mix.

Now, I can’t. Yoda steps into my head and says, (in his Yoda voice) “So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done.”

So, I turned to the promoter and said, “You are NOT allowed to say that!”

This is because I know the power of language. When you know that words become things, it’s hard to let language slide.

I can’t help it. I have a rule:

Friends don’t let friends speak crappily.

Language is powerful. Words can create reality. Even if my promoter friend doesn’t know how on earth he’d ever get his guitar, it doesn’t mean he should cut off the possibility with his own words.

If you’re wondering how to begin watching your words, here are 7 practical language principles for becoming a better creator of your life.

1 – Eliminate “never” and “always.”

Never and always are words of hysteria. “I always mess everything up!” “I’ll never figure this out!” “I’ll never get an Olson Guitar.”

First off, it’s not true. If you always messed everything up, you wouldn’t have made it out of the womb.

And second off, extreme words are designed to hook you. It’s just your emotions taking a joyride. You’re more powerful than that.

2 – Use AND instead of BUT.

“But” dismisses the statement before it. “And” includes it. For instance, “That’s a good article, but it needs some editing” isn’t nearly as encouraging as “That’s a good article, AND it needs some editing.”

“I love you, but…” is another great example of the dismissive power of “but.”

3 – Avoid “Should.”

Should is a heinous word for many reasons. It is victim-speak. It disempowers its object. It negates desires, thereby making it harder to make choices. It adds a nebulous energy to the decision making process. Use empowered language instead: “I could…” “I would…” “I am choosing to,” “I would like to,” “I don’t want to,” or “You might consider…”

4 – Stop calling yourself depressed.

Also stop allowing anyone to tell you that you are depressed. When you call yourself “depressed” or “obsessive compulsive” or “ADHD” or whatever – you’re claiming this thing. You’re calling it forth with the most powerful two words in our language: “I am.” That creates very little option for the transformation of this condition.

5 – Delete the word “hate” from your vocabulary.

“Hate” has lots of energy. When you use it, you send lots of energy out into the very thing you “hate.” Even if it’s negative energy, it’s still a powerful force, adding its charge to that thing. You’re also depleting this energy from your own spirit as you say it.

6 – Be “great.” Or “wonderful.”

A disease of the creative temperament is a belief that we must be authentic at all costs. So we can’t answer a simple “How are you?” without delving into an in-depth scan of our emotional temperature.

Try this instead: When people ask you how you’re doing, just say, “I’m great!”

I used to think if said this, then I better have a good reason for saying it, like I just won the lottery or something. I thought it would make me look suspicious, and people would start to wonder if something was wrong with me. But then I did it. And you know what? Most people don’t care why you’re great. You’re saying it for you.

7 – Pay attention to the music of your speech.

You know how some people? They talk in question marks? And you have no idea why? But it makes you think you shouldn’t really rely on them? And it makes you not want to hire them?

The music of your language says a lot about you. If you let your sentences droop like Eeyore, (”Thanks for noticing me.”) or if you do the uncertain question mark language, take note of what attitudes are causing this. These patterns are created for a reason. Even if it feels like faking it at first, generate confidence as you speak.

Performer, songwriter, and creativity consultant Christine Kane publishes her ‘LiveCreative’ weekly ezine with more than 4,000 subscribers. If you want to be the artist of your life and create authentic and lasting success, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to LiveCreative at www.christinekane.com.

WANT TO SEE HUNDREDS MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS ONE?
See Christine’s blog – Be Creative. Be Conscious. Be Courageous – at ChristineKane.com/blog.

Buyology is scary and fascinating at the same time, and it all depends on the mindset with which you read it. Follow this link for the review.

On Writing: A Memoir Of The Craft

After a comment from another writer (a band member even) he decided to finish and publish the book. I’m glad he did, because even in the first chapter “CV” he writes a passage that I found to be very well thought through:

“This is not an autobiography. It is, rather, a kind of curriculum vitae — my attempt to show how one writer was formed. Not how one writer was made; I don’t believe writers can be made, either by circumstances or self-will (although I did believe those things once).

The equipment comes with the original package. Yet it is by no means unusual equipment; I believe large numbers of people have at least some talent as writers and storytellers, and that those talents can be strengthened and sharpened. If I didn’t believe that, writing a book like this would be a waste of time.

This is how it was for me, that’s all. A disjointed growth process in which ambition, desire, luck and a little talent all played a part. Don’t bother to read between the lines, and don’t look for a through-line. There are no lines — only snapshots, most out of focus.”

This small amount of text holds a lot of experience and tells the tale of a paradigm shift. It also holds promise for everyone seeking to find a suitable profession that they actually enjoy (and there are lots of you seekers out there). It also holds a warning for those that already are on the right path. Read it carefully and you’ll find them.

What appealed to me in this piece was this part in particular:

The equipment comes with the original package. Yet it is by no means unusual equipment; I believe large numbers of people have at least some talent as writers and storytellers, and that those talents can be strengthened and sharpened. If I didn’t believe that, writing a book like this would be a waste of time.

Ever since I heard it (I have the audiobook) I’ve been going back to this bit and listen to it again and again. You have to believe that talents and skills can be strengthened and sharpened, it has to be the core belief for everybody with a desire to teach (like I have). That’s important.

But the statement about the equipment and the package is also vital. Everybody has talents, and not everybody has the same talents. Strengthening and sharpening equipment that’s there is useful, but for equipment that’s not included in the package, it’s utterly pointless and a waste of time for both student and teacher (or master and apprentice if you will).

It’s important then to find your equipment (sounds cheeky, but you know what I mean), to discover your talents and strengthen and sharpen them. Don’t bother to fill in the gaps, you were not made to fill those gaps anyway. And when you know what your equipment is, nurture it and exploit it simultaneously and make it work on your life’s work.

Knowing your life’s work is equally important by the way, lots of people are still in the dark on that one too. Your life’s work should be something you find important. The only way to find out is to find your path and starting walking on it. The path will show you which way to go and your talents will help you to decide when the path forks. That’s something I believe.

Stephen King’s passage can easily be rewritten for this blog, my blog about my path. It’s an account of my journey, my thoughts, my lessons learned, my uncertainties. Snapshots at best, most out of focus. But I trust that this path is my path and that it will show me which way to go. In the past I have taken detours (even recently), but my path keeps finding many inspiring ways, mostly through people, to get me back on track. Right now, it lead me to the desire to discover my talents. Haven’t given that much thought before.

This blog is not a self improvement blog. It is, rather, a kind of living memoir — my attempt to show how someone finds his path through life. Not how the path was created; I don’t believe paths can be created, either by circumstance or self-will (allthough I did believe those things once).

The path comes with the original package. Yet it is by no means a clear path; I believe large numbers of people have at least some vision of their path or future, and those visions can be strengthened and sharpened. If I didn’t believe that, writing this blog like this would be a waste of time.

This is how it is for me, that’s all. A disjointed growth process in which ambition, desire, luck and a little talent all play a part. Don’t bother to read between the lines, and don’t look for a through-line. There are no lines — only snapshots, most out of focus.

There it is.
What’s your path?

Rocks hold firm while water’s might
Sends pebbles rolling left and right.
Call pebbles rock? Set firm their goal?
First flash flood, still pebbles roll.
Not name, nor goal divide the two.
It’s how they act. It’s what they do.
Size dictates to stone, but you are in control.
Are you rock or pebble? Will you hold or roll?
~ Manly Grant (Rhymes for the land)

Doing what you love to do consistently. Wouldn’t it be great if you could influence your life in such a way, that you maximized the amount of time that you do what you love to do?

It would be great, but life isn’t up to us to design completely. Some even say that life is what happens to us as we live it. And in fact we experience life as it happens and a lot of things that happen are out of our control. We have to deal with them and make the best of it, right?

Well, that may be true, but we’re not entirely out of control. We have an influence on how our life evolves, and it is up to ourselves to use that influence to live the life that fulfills us the most. This e-book will guide you through a process of discovering some elements that are essential in achieving just that.

At the end of the e-book you’ll be aware of what your Personal Core Values are, and you will know a couple of ways how you can use them to influence your life. Don’t expect miracles, they won’t happen. But steady progress towards a life that’s more fulfilling than it may be right now, that’s definitely
a feasible possibility.

Who are you?

If you find yourself struggling with answering the question of what it is that you want to do, chances are that you don’t know yourself well enough. Self knowledge is the foundation for taking control of your life in such a way that you maximize the time in which you do what you love to do.

To know what you love doing, you need to know yourself. In particular, you need to know your characteristics, values and ambitions. What you love to do usually lines up with your characteristics, is aligned with your values and brings you closer to your ambitions. Sounds pretty logical, doesn’t it?

Knowing your characteristics and defining your ambitions is beyond the scope of this e-book. This e-book is about discovering your value system, and in particular discovering your personal core values.

Personal Core Values

Personal core values are a special kind of values. They are the ones that are closest to your being, the ones that are the most important to you. They are at the foundation of who you are. As such they don’t require
justification; you don’t have to defend your values to others as they are part of you.

Personal Core Values:

• clarify who we are
• require no justification
• govern relationships
• guide us in making decisions

These values play an important role in our everyday life, as they influence almost everything we do or don’t do. They govern relationships we engage in and they guide us in making decisions.

Even if we’re not aware of what our personal core values are, they still perform their magic in this way. Look at your personal core values as what’s beneath the surface.

Just like the biggest part of an iceberg is beneath the surface of the water, your values, characteristics and ambitions are primarily beneath the surface as well. They are invisible to others, and if we don’t take deliberate action to identify them, also invisible to ourselves. But they’re there nevertheless.

How Knowing Your Personal Core Values Helps

How do you feel knowing that even if you don’t know what your personal core values are, they still have an effect on your everyday life, in your relationships and the decisions you make? Does that give you a feeling of being at ease? Of being in control?

If things are going well, we usually don’t worry about it that much. But when the going gets tough, we know our personal core values are playing a role in our life, but we’re not aware of what role and not aware of what they are. And exactly at that time is it beneficial to know them and actively use them.

Knowing your personal core values is not only beneficial when the going gets tough, they also help when you have regular decisions to make.

This is only the first chapter from the e-book. There are six more chapters and five exercises (both serious and fun ones) you can easily do at home to discover your own values. To see the full table of contents, visit the Personal Core Values mini site.