Really?  This kid?  At first I was like, oh he’s a cute little innocent kid, I can see why young girls would like him.  Kinda like a Jonas Brothers thing I guess, non-threatening if you will.  But then he started busting out some “dance moves” and “rap.”  Whoa Justin Bieber, whoa.  I thought his whole act was part of the comedy sketching (and actually part of it was, and that was kinda funny).  But when it came time for him to hit the stage to “sing” (which is apparently what he does for a living…) it got weird.

You are not black.  You have not hit puberty.  You are not a rapper.  You are not a dancer.  You are not American. (That’s right, I Wikipedia-ed his ass and found out he was *gasp-but-not-in-a-shocked-way* Canadian!)

So cut the crap Bieber.  And cut your bangs. 

Someone please give this kid a fucking promise ring and put him back in his place.

Things I Live For: Professors who don’t have some sort of personal vendetta against me

Quote of the Day: “She’s got everything she needs, she’s an artist, she don’t look back. She can take the dark out of the nighttime and paint the daytime black.” — Bob Dylan

For example, I may not get my Country Living every month on time, but you can bet that you fill  my mailbox with every bridal and wedding catalogue that exists in the free world.  Here’s a hint, I’m NOT getting married.  Further, I WAS getting married until my EX-fiancee decided it was too hot in the kitchen (after it was his idea to get married…)  So now, these unsolicited catalogues and circulars just serve as a bitter reminder of a failed relationship.  Not that that is your fault…

But here’s what is.  You may have noticed that the other name that was on my mailbox has been amateurly scratched out.  One night in a fit of sadness and rage, I had to erase my EX-fiancees name because I could not bear to walk by that box one more time and see it there.  (This was less embarrassing than asking my management company to outfit me with another nameplate just 5 months after I had a second name added to the current nameplate).  So, as a person who deals daily in mailboxes, I would think you would have noticed that the additional name was there and then all of a sudden wasn’t.  And perhaps you could have put two and two together, shown some compassion. 

Yet you decided to write me a little note on one of my letters asking me to put “EX-fiancees” name on the box if he wanted his mail delivered.  Well Mr. Mailman, clearly you can see that the name has been erased from my mailbox and as such, so has EX-fiancee from my life.  So, return to sender. 

But really, EX-fiancee doesn’t get any mail here.  Because you delivered his mail to me anyway.  And what you delivered Mr. Mailman, was a Maxim magazine which I subscribed to as a gift/surprise for EX-fiancee.  Wow, I’m so glad you manage to get his magazines to him on time, despite your threats.  How come my Glamour or Allure have less priority than this Maxim?  

I will make a deal with you.  You keep the godforsaken Maxim for yourself.  And keep all the wedding shit too.

But give me my fucking Country Living so I can move on with my life.

Sincerely,

Your friend who is about to go postal if you don’t stop this madness

Pet Peeve of the Day: See above

Quote of the Day: “And if they granted you one final wish, would you ask for something like another chance?” –Traffic

Arlen Hart is legit.  And how many awesome pianists do you know these days?  Exactly.  If you need more convincing, check out this legendary piano interpretation of Outkast’s “So Fresh So Clean,” Talib Kweli’s “Hostile Gospel,” and Snoop’s “Gz & Hustlas”  (yeah, you read that sentence right):

So do yourself and your ears a favor and pick up his new album! 

For more on Arlen and to hear some music off his debut album, visit his blog!

Things I Live For: When Arlen would make scrambled eggs at 1AM when he was hanging out with Biggie and my young mind would wonder what kind of tomfoolery required eggs so late at night

Quote of the Day: “I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame.  I simply follow my own feelings.” –Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

1) A knowledge of baseball 

2) Clever heckling lines (read: not “you suck”)

3) A willingness to boo the home team

4) A thirst for beer (read: not mai tais)

5) A hate for any unofficial mascot (read: Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers)

6) A couple quarters to use the payphone (read: because you will not need to be on your mobile during the game, standing up and waving at people across the field)

7) A jersey in which you commit to a team member (read: not blank, and not your last name)

8 ) An interest in baseball

9) Sticky hands (read: if you catch a ball in the bleachers you will not throw it back)

10) A pen (to keep score with)

And bonus points if you bring the day’s sports section!

Pet Peeve of the Day:My incessant need for socks because otherwise my feet become ice

Quote of the Day: “I don’t wanna end up in a room alone–don’t wanna end up someone I don’t even know.” –Tom Petty

*     *     *

I was unable to find the Hyper Hypo kid video from SNL featuring Mike Meyers with an embed code so click the picture to be brought to the awesome video!

Pet Peeve of the Day: The battery life of my mobile

Quote of the Day: “Most convicted felons are just people who were not taken to museums or Broadway musicals as children.” –Libby Gelman-Waxner