How To Build Self Confidence And Self Esteem http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com Build Confidence, Build Self Esteem, Love Life Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:14:23 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 en hourly 1 Building Confidence and Self Esteem – Having a “Right Relationship” With Yourself http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/uLgtifX4EEs/building-confidence-and-self-esteem-having-a-right-relationship-with-yourself http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/building-confidence-and-self-esteem/building-confidence-and-self-esteem-having-a-right-relationship-with-yourself#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:14:23 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=213
  • Building Confidence and Self Esteem – The Foundations of Personal Power
  • Building Confidence and Self Esteem – The Initial Assessment
  • Building Confidence and Self Esteem – How Fast Can Change Happen?
    • ]]>     Building confidence and self esteem:  having a “right relationship” with yourself

    By Margi Matters

    Building self confidence and self esteem are key foundations for personal power.  Improving self confidence and self esteem comes from working constantly on establishing and then maintaining a “right relationship” with  yourself. Every choice and decision we make, every word we speak, the thoughts we think, the actions we take all reflect the state of our relationship with ourselves. They reflect whether or not our self esteem and confidence is strong or weak.  Whether or not we are living from a place of personal power or disempowerment.

    What state is your relationship with yourself  in? Could it do with some tweaking or maybe a major overhaul?

    How to build self confidence and self esteem.

    Building confidence and self esteem is a process.

    This process for building self confidence and self esteem has four essential ingredients:

    1. building awareness
    2. increasing understanding
    3. a willingness to make the necessary changes and
    4. actively creating the best and necessary conditions for the changes you desire.

    The first step is to examine and assess your relationship with yourself. There are three key areas. Take the time to reflect and write in a journal about each of these areas as they may apply to you. For more information about how to journal for awareness and understanding you can download my free self awareness report from this page, if you haven’t already done so.

    • How you relate to yourself . This includes your self concept, self esteem and how you think about yourself. How strong or weak is your self confidence in who you are and how you manage all the areas of your life? What are you  here  for – your role, purpose and identity?  Are you here to keep everyone else happy or to live your own life and seek happiness and fulfilment for yourself? Are you your own best friend, supporter and encourager or are you your own worst enemy? Do you trust yourself? Love yourself? Accept yourself?
    • How you treat yourself . Do you treat yourself with understanding, compassion and kindness or harsh criticism, judgement and rejection? How well do you take care of your physical health and well being?  How well do you take care of your needs, desires, opportunities, emotional life and mental life? Do you go for your dreams or hold back?
    • How well you know and understand yourself. The most critical and essential area to understand is your belief systems because as you have no doubt heard already, beliefs are the computer programs that run the whole show. What are all the beliefs you carry around? Many of our beliefs have become unconscious, running on automatic. You also need to become aware of and understand what is important to you (your values), what you need and what fears have power over you. It’s about understanding what makes you tick, what pushes your buttons and why.

    Improving self confidence and strengthening self esteem is a natural consequence of gradually working on making your relationship “right” with yourself. Step up and take charge of your “programming”! You are the programmer! No matter what has happened in the past, you have total control over the kind of relationship you have with yourself now. And yes, you can have total control over building confidence and self esteem to where you would love it to be!

    Related posts:

    1. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – The Foundations of Personal Power
    2. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – The Initial Assessment
    3. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – How Fast Can Change Happen?

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/building-confidence-and-self-esteem/building-confidence-and-self-esteem-having-a-right-relationship-with-yourself/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/building-confidence-and-self-esteem/building-confidence-and-self-esteem-having-a-right-relationship-with-yourself     How To Build Self Confidence – Role Of Judgement http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/-xa7ZwzLJiI/how-to-build-self-confidence-role-of-judgement http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/how-to-build-self-confidence-role-of-judgement#comments Tue, 08 Dec 2009 09:58:31 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=206
  • Improving Self Confidence and The Role Of Self Esteem
    • ]]>     How To Build Self Confidence – Role Of Judgement

    By Margi Matters

    How to build self confidence is a simple process and quite easy once you understand  the  process and dynamics.

    Why is it that a particularly bad hair day, or carrying a few extra pounds, or turning up to a social event in “the wrong outfit”( like being the only person erroneously wearing a wild fancy dress outfit!) can wilt self confidence and have us seeking out the nearest hiding place?
    How come one comment from decades ago can still cause us to doubt ourselves, to feel we are stupid, selfish or unworthy of good  things.

    What is going on when we have a panic attack about standing in front of a group to speak or are terrified to attend a social event alone .

    In one word it is all about judgement.

    If you want to learn how to build self confidence one critical area to address is how to become immune to judgement from others and how to stop judging ourselves.

    There are two key areas that erode or prevent self confidence:

    • Judging yourself
    • Fear of others judging you.

    Non judgement is the opposite to judgement. We need to learn to stop judging ourselves, stop judging others and to take back the power we give to others to judge us and have it effect us.

    Perhaps our greatest and deepest need is to feel loved. In close companionship with love, is acceptance. This is one of our greatest needs. We tend to make acceptance a pre-requisite for love. If we judge ourselves to be unacceptable, we also tend to judge ourselves to be unlovable or unworthy of love. Most of us find it difficult to love someone we do not accept.

    In addition to not judging ourselves we also must accept ourselves. Who we are, as we are. The most powerful pathway to becoming immune to the negative judgements of other people and a critical component in any program focused on how to build self confidence is to fully and unconditionally accept ourselves.

    Related posts:

    1. Improving Self Confidence and The Role Of Self Esteem

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/how-to-build-self-confidence-role-of-judgement/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/how-to-build-self-confidence-role-of-judgement     Improving Self Confidence and The Role Of Self Esteem http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/qOk3Uf9Pbtg/improving-self-confidence-and-the-role-of-self-esteem http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-the-role-of-self-esteem#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:44:20 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=193
  • Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
  • Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
  • Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk
    • ]]>     Improving Self Confidence and the Role of Self Esteem

    By Margi Matters

    Improving self confidence and improving self esteem is a package deal. Improving self confidence is a lot like baking a cake! Although there is much tasty variety in the flavours and texture of cakes, there are certain essential ingredients and a certain method to follow in the way you treat and blend the ingredients if you want to get the best results.  If you are using eggs, leaving the shells on is not an option if you want the best results! It is necessary to do certain things when you are improving self confidence if you want the best results.

    Self esteem is like the oven!  The essential piece of equipment that allows your confidence to be formed – to alchemise confidence from raw ingredients to fully formed and stable results. Without the oven, the ingredients are just a mash of ingredients. All that raw potential just waiting for you!

    Low self esteem is like rejecting yourself. This is not a viable position for improving self confidence! How can you feel confident or be improving self confidence if you don’t like, accept or value yourself! How can you feel confident if you do not trust yourself, your decisions, your opinions, your path.

    Low self esteem is putting a low value on yourself, having a low regard for yourself, holding yourself in low “esteem” – commonly experienced as feeling worthless or inadequate. Feeling “not good enough”. The question to ask yourself is , not good enough for what? Or should that be not good enough for whom?

    Low self esteem is characterised by continually judging ourselves negatively. The process of improving confidence requires us stop doing this! Immediately!

    Think of all the ways you judge yourself as being  right or wrong, good or bad. You  may be surprised by just how often you do this during the day with what you do, what you don’t do, what you think, what you say to yourself and what you say to other people. Improving confidence and self esteem begins with a focus on becoming more aware of your self and your relationship with yourself.

    Recognise that no matter what has happened in the past, you have a choice right now to change your relationship with yourself. To stop negatively judging and rejecting yourself  and instead, decide to start accepting yourself .

    Improving self confidence begins with working on self esteem and you can start immediately by increasing self awareness and learning to accept yourself.

    Related posts:

    1. Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
    2. Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
    3. Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-the-role-of-self-esteem/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-the-role-of-self-esteem     Interpersonal Skills – The KEY Skills http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/5IDfBoUbO_U/interpersonal-skills-the-key-skills http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/interpersonal-skills-the-key-skills#comments Thu, 19 Nov 2009 01:37:49 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=190
  • Building Confidence and Self Esteem – What Gets in the Way?
  • Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
  • Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills
    • ]]>     Interpersonal Skills:  the key skills.

    By Margi Matters

    If you want to enjoy success and the best possible relationships with other people, developing your interpersonal skills is essential. As with any skills, the process is to learn each skill and practice it until it becomes virtually automatic and effortless.

    Interpersonal skills are like the oil that keeps an engine running smoothly. If there is no oil, the engine seizes up and you won’t be going anywhere no matter how much effort you put into planning your trip or your destination.

    Interpersonal skills have several subsets – communication skills are the foundation skills that impact every area of your life. Of these the skills of listening, being able to respond and express yourself accurately and effectively, plus assertiveness skills are top of the list.

    Communication skills are about conveying clear, accurate and appropriate messages and ensuring that “the message sent is the message received”. Communication skills are a two way interaction, sending and receiving.  One of the aims is to avoid or minimise misunderstandings ,  inaccuracies and manipulations of various kinds.

    Emotional intelligence is the buzz word that refers to the interpersonal skills of managing your own emotional life and the emotions of other people. Emotional intelligence is based in self awareness and the ability to respond rather than react. We need to work on expanding our self awareness and understanding, plus our awareness and understanding in relation to what could be going on for other people. We also need to continually expand the response repertoire we have available to us at any time. The greater our awareness, understanding and specific interpersonal skills, the greater choice we then have in how we respond in any situation.

    How we relate to and connect with other people can be grouped under social skills, sometimes referred to as social intelligence. Unless you are a hermit, developing this subset of interpersonal skills is going to give you astounding return on investment for the whole of your life. Developing social skills involves learning to be open, respectful, accepting, aware, adaptable and responsive.

    Self awareness and understanding underpins all interpersonal skills and journaling is one of the most rewarding ways to begin expanding your self awareness and understanding about “what makes us tick”.

    Related posts:

    1. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – What Gets in the Way?
    2. Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
    3. Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/interpersonal-skills-the-key-skills/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/interpersonal-skills-the-key-skills     Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/6M4y9bxVg08/improving-self-confidence-and-communication-skills http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-communication-skills#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 02:27:59 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=187
  • Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
  • Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
  • Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk
    • ]]>     Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills

    By Margi Matters

    Improving self confidence is a work in progress. It’s not a task you “do” so much as developing an optimum relationship with yourself as a constant background. Overlaid on this background are the learning and honing of skills and various competencies. Feeling and being skilfully resourced supports improving self confidence through regular positive reinforcement. The better your experience is, the more confident you feel the next time. It drops you into the positive expanding spiral. The more confident you feel in yourself and your skills and abilities, the better are your experience and results and you come to live in this expanding cycle of improving self confidence naturally.

    It can go the other way of course! The more uncomfortable or inadequate you feel about your interactions, the less confident you are likely to feel next time. The less confident you are, the less likely you are to perform or interact in optimum ways and that downward contracting cycle can entrap us. As our confidence erodes, anxiety can set in which further compromises optimum interaction and management.

    We need positive experiences and a sense of self efficacy in order to build and reinforce self confidence.

    Becoming knowledgeable and proficient in the core communication skills is a direct ticket to riding the positive expanding spiral and one of the most powerful ways of improving self confidence immediately.

    The process for improving communication skills includes:

    • Taking inventory of your current skills and targeting areas for improvement
    • Getting a clear idea of what makes someone a great communicator so you know exactly what you are aiming for and have a concrete and specific set of targets
    • Learning the skill
    • Practising the skill
    • Learning the techniques and understanding the underlying information about the dynamics of communication excellence
    • Identifying and resolving your own blocks and barriers to skilful, effective, and confident communication – in all situations!

    Improving self confidence is as close as making the commitment to doing what it takes!

    Related posts:

    1. Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
    2. Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
    3. Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-communication-skills/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-communication-skills     Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/On72Hz8ip3M/improving-self-confidence-and-self-talk http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-self-talk#comments Thu, 05 Nov 2009 01:33:10 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=185
  • Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
  • Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
  • Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills
    • ]]>     Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk

    By Margi Matters

    Improving self confidence requires you to understand the phenomenal power of self talk. Your self talk is like a running commentary, constantly going on in the background and it will either undermine you and consequently undermine your  confidence or it can be a powerful reinforcer for improving self confidence.

    Changing your self talk is one of the easiest strategies for improving self confidence.

    Imagine if you had someone sitting on your shoulder, constantly judging and criticising you, constantly putting you down, telling you how useless, stupid, worthless, dumb or inadequate you are. How would you feel? How might you feel after a few days of this? After a few years of this?!! Sounds crazy right? Yet this is what we are doing to ourselves when we have low self esteem.

    The big question to ask yourself is why would you do this to yourself? Why choose to continue to do this to yourself when it is as simple as recognising this negative self talk and stopping it the moment you become aware of it. Keep doing this and eventually it will lessen. Be determined to stick to it!

    Self talk can be sneaky! Many of us are not really aware of our self talk and can be quite shocked and surprised at what we hear once we really start to listen to ourselves!

    Instead of running on automatic, learn to really listen and immediately change negative self talk to something more positive. For instance if you mess up, just acknowledge it without judging yourself. Encourage yourself that you can do differently next time now that you know what you have learned from messing up. Sometimes we have to see what does not work in order to get a better handle on what does work. It is all just learning. Mistakes can be seen as just what doesn’t work!

    There is a direct connection between what you think and what you feel. Change your self talk and you can change how you feel. Improving self confidence is learning how to change how you think and feel about yourself.

    Related posts:

    1. Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
    2. Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
    3. Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-self-talk/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-self-talk     First Courage then BIG Confidence! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/q7U9kEMesZc/first-courage-then-big-confidence http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/news/first-courage-then-big-confidence#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 22:31:27 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/first-courage-then-big-confidence First Courage and then BIG Confidence.

    This is the inspiring story of a girl who wanted to visit her sister and have her first holiday in Sydney, Australia. With much excitement she and her best friend (who doesn’t yet drive) saved and dreamed about this adventure for months. The day finally arrived and they set off after first getting directions to the freeway! The trip from Queensland was nearly a thousand kilometres.
    Arriving in Sydney the next day (after finding a backpackers hostel for the night) she had to find her way right across this huge, busy city, through the harbour tunnel (what tunnel?!!) to Bondi Beach on the coast. At one point, feeling totally lost, she asked directions from a guy at a petrol station. About half an hour later, after driving in a big loop, she found herself back at the same petrol station…and the same guy gave her directions. Again. When she was telling me the story, her positive spin was that at least she recognised the same petrol station! She knew she’d eventually get there. And she did.
    After a brilliant holiday filled with fabulous experiences, she found her way home again, absolutely buzzing with confidence and feeling so proud of this achievement. What is so inspiring is that this beautiful young girl is only 17 years old!
    The whole adventure gave her confidence in so many ways. Confidence in herself, confidence to go for her dreams. She learned the power of setting and achieving goals that took her outside her comfort zone, and now feels and knows she could do anything. She learned the power of not letting anything get in the way and has confidence in her ability to overcome any challenges or obstacles with a positive attitude. She can’t wait for the next adventure.
    The moral to the story? Dream it and Do it! Extend yourself, have the courage to stretch your horizons and reap the fabulous rewards.

    Warmly
    Margi Matters

    No related posts.

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/news/first-courage-then-big-confidence/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/news/first-courage-then-big-confidence     Mistakes CAN be your friends! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/AVpzNsyLmqA/mistakes-can-be-your-friends http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/news/mistakes-can-be-your-friends#comments Thu, 15 Oct 2009 09:11:18 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/mistakes-can-be-your-friends Hi
    My thought to ponder for the week is about how you think about this concept of “decisions” and mistakes. Most of us tend to think of decisions as these scarey burdens that seem to take on a life of their own, causing sleepless nights and a lot of agonising, avoidance and angst. One of the biggest concerns people have about decisions is not so much the decision but the fear of making a mistake.
    What if you were to decide that from now on, right this moment, you are going to take the power out of “mistakes”. Let it go, it’s done. You could think of mistakes as discoveries! Keep your focus on taking the most learning you can glean from it into the future. You can always do it differently next time.

    What if you were to think of decisions as simply the linkages between your dreams and goals and …achieving them! Your dreams and goals aren’t going to suddenly disappear. There are always many ways to get to where you want to go, even if you take the long way round, or have a few detours, you can keep putting yourself back on track and heading in the right direction.
    Just because a particular decision doesn’t give you the results or consequences you wanted or anticipated, doesn’t mean anything except just that – it didn’t deliver what you wanted it to deliver. It is usually only one step in a long journey of many steps, not the final step. So don’t take it personally or as a negative reflection on your worth or capabilities! Just stand back and use that learning to come up with either an alternative approach or options, or look at what you may have missed in your initial research and assessment.
    “Back to the drawing board” is nothing to be concerned or embarrassed about! In fact it is familiar territory with probably everyone who is out there trying new things, new ideas, new possibilities, pursuing dreams, being creative. It’s simply part of the process of being fully alive and in the drivers’ seat of your life!
    Take the pressure off yourself, enjoy the journey and embrace the opportunities that decisions can open up to you. Feel the confidence stirring and growing as you do!

    Warmly
    Margi Matters

    No related posts.

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/news/mistakes-can-be-your-friends/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/news/mistakes-can-be-your-friends     Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/wmlAfSzYb2w/improving-self-confidence-and-managing-internal-conflict http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-managing-internal-conflict#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:13:00 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=180
  • Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
  • Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk
  • Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills
    • ]]>     Improving Self Confidence and  Managing Internal Conflict

    By Margi Matters

    Learning how to manage and respond to internal conflict is one of the great powers inherent in improving self confidence and self esteem. One thing we can be sure about is that conflict is a natural part of life, a continual ebb and flow!

    Remaining in a state of internal conflict is not good for your health and  well being, neither is it good for your confidence or self esteem! So learning how to resolve conflict earlier rather than allowing it to intensify and grow is one of the most helpful things you can do to improve your life, and maintain a sense of personal power which underpins self esteem and self confidence!

    Internal conflict  reflects some sort of dilemma you find yourself in and usually relates to one of the following areas:

    • making an important decision (sometimes even just making trivial decisions!)
    • competing needs
    • competing fears
    • guilt and what you are or are not doing and what you know you “should “ be doing or not doing ( exercise, stop smoking, spend quality time with your children, stop putting things off).
    • feeling torn between what you want and what you believe you ‘have’ to do – many people feel this way about their work or relationships, unhappy but feeling locked in and powerless to change it.
    • being true to yourself versus pleasing others
    • conflict between needs and wants

    Decision making is one of the ultimate personal power skills and in many ways is the one key process which can resolve internal conflict and dilemmas.

    The critical skill within decision making is the skill of asking questions! I just love the power of questions!  Sometimes just asking the right question can resolve the dilemma instantly!  No matter what the conflict or decision may be, the decision  tends to make itself once you have sufficient information. This means gathering sufficient information about the issue and sufficient information about yourself. Self awareness is one of the foundations of personal power, and of course self esteem and self confidence.

    The first step to resolving internal conflict and dilemmas is to gather information.

    Begin by clarifying  all the aspects on paper. Thoroughly explore the following points.

    1. Look at what is most important to you (your values)
    2. Clarify exactly what you do want
    3. Prioritise what you most want (what is most important, most valued)
    4. Clarify and be specific about all your possible choices in the situation
    5. Identify any possible regrets that may follow any choice made in the situation
    6. Identify what is stopping you or what is in the way from having what you want
    7. Identify what is stopping you or what is in the way of making a decision.
    8. What beliefs and assumptions are you holding about this issue?
    9. What are your fears and concerns in the situation and what effect do these have on you?

    Answering the question “what would it take?” – for example “what would it take to make this decision?” or “what would it take to resolve this dilemma?” –  allows you to focus on clearing the way.
    This question sets you on the path of creating the right and necessary conditions for resolving the dilemma or confidently making the decision.

    Asking “what would it take” can open up territory to explore in the mind, the heart or in your environment. For instance, do you need to trust yourself to make the right decision? What might you need to believe or stop believing? What fears are having an influence? In what ways do these fears influence you? What emotional states are you seeking to experience or avoid! What information do you need, where can you get it, who can help?

    If you want to learn the art of improving self confidence then learning how to lessen and resolve internal conflict is one of the best things you can do for yourself!

    Related posts:

    1. Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills
    2. Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk
    3. Improving Self Confidence and Communication Skills

    ]]>     http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-managing-internal-conflict/feed/ 0 http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-managing-internal-conflict     Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/HowToBuildSelfConfidence/~3/D3zfsLhwpFs/improving-self-confidence-and-assertiveness-skills http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/how-to-build-self-confidence/improving-self-confidence-and-assertiveness-skills#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:08:22 +0000 Margi Matters http://www.howtobuildselfconfidencefast.com/?p=177
  • Building Confidence and Self Esteem – the Key Skill of Assertiveness
  • Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
  • Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk
    • ]]>     Improving Self Confidence and Assertiveness Skills

    By Margi Matters

    The set of skills that come under the banner of assertiveness skills are a way of both expressing yourself confidently and, in learning and using the skills, they also assist in   improving self confidence.

    You feel differently about yourself when you feel you have handled a person or a situation in a confident or masterful manner. Think of a time when you did this and remember how it felt. When you speak up, or make a clear request, or when you are able to take good care of your rights and needs it is a natural boost to your self esteem and the more you use assertiveness skills, the more you enter the positive spiral of improving self confidence.

    Like any skill, assertiveness skills are learned and practiced. At first it can feel strange or awkward communicating in these ways, however the skills themselves are straightforward and simple methods or formulae for communicating in a clear, direct, accurate, respectful and honest way. The greater challenge for most people is not in learning the skill but the anxiety about being assertive – how others may react to the more empowered version of ourselves! Chances are if you have low self esteem and a history of not being confident, there are some significant  people around you who have a vested interest in keeping you powerless . And you have probably learned some fears around “hurting” others by not agreeing with them or not pleasing them. Or some guilt about being judged as “selfish”.

    When you are not assertive, when you allow other people to “walk all over you”, treat you with disrespect or in abusive ways, take advantage of you or exploit you or  when you do not have the confidence to assert what you really want for yourself or to take up opportunities, you pay a price with your self esteem. You may get angry with yourself or lay awake at night running the situation or the conversation or the decision over and over in your mind “wishing’ you had handled it differently. Regret is a potent source of disempowerment, characterised  with thoughts about “I wish I had” or “I should have” or “I ought to have” or “if only I hadn’t…” Ruminating and depression are not far behind once we build some of these kinds of regrets.

    Self talk either boosts self esteem and confidence, or erodes it. When you feel bad about how you handled some person, situation or decision, when you feel you missed a great opportunity it gives your negative self talk a lot of ammunition and can set you up to feel even less confident the next time something similar arises. You can lose confidence in your ability to make good decisions for instance.  This is turn can further decrease your confidence.

    If you want to work on improving self confidence, it is essential to learn the skills of assertiveness.

    Related posts:

    1. Building Confidence and Self Esteem – the Key Skill of Assertiveness
    2. Improving Self Confidence and Managing Internal Conflict
    3. Improving Self Confidence and Self Talk

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