How to Cook A Mermaid

10 Years of Dos Amigos!

2026-04-01T12:30:00.003-04:00

Firstly Landon Woodward has never beaten me in arm wrestling and that’s a fact.

So much has happened in the last decade, after the Year of the Mermaid (2015) which was the year I quit Subway and published my first novel. {Buy it Now! Please!?} I was at Target and I was miserable because they had put me in the back room doing inventory like I had done at Walmart. So I knew I needed a change but I couldn’t just walk out of Target just yet. Foreshadowing.

Going to Inventory in Walmart led to me getting fired from there which led me to Subway in the Walmart that fired me <It was a funny joke that wasn’t funny for long.> Uh-oh I’m going on a tangent, let’s start at the beginning.

I had been offered a job at Dos prior while I was at Subway but I thought I was going to be an assistant manager so I didn’t take the job right there but I wish I had. When I walked out of Subway I thought I would never work in food service again. I was wrong, I had to get out of Target but I knew I couldn’t just walk out because that really fucked me over when I did at Subway. Strap in because you’re in for quite a journey.

I applied, got the call and did a working interview in March. But my first day wasn’t until April 1st. Working two jobs, going to Planet Fitness as well as trying to run my blog [howtocookamermaid.net] as well as trying to add to my second novel. So I was juggling a lot while also my alcoholism was getting worse and worse.

That was when I met Kina, I think I had to cut lettuce and I made sure to tell some jokes. It was a vibe check and I passed. I can’t remember if it was after this or after my first real shift with Kina but she asked if I was a hugger. At the time I didn’t think I was but I said I was and that’s how I found out I was.

By the summer I had missed or had been late to Target a few times they even warned me that I could be fired for it. I wasn’t late again but one day when I didn’t work a shift at Dos or go to the gym I went to bed early with the help of whiskey. I woke up to multiple phone calls from Target; I didn’t hear my alarm at all and my shift was pretty much over so I chose in that moment to stop working at Target.

I opened my availability and focused on getting better at Dos. This eventually would lead to a lot of ups and downs. I was almost evicted, asked someone for help and they never messaged me back. I was behind on rent but I slipped under the radar as I made small payments here and there. But in 2020 I got the notice. Eviction notice.

I did some work and made some deals; my rent was raised to pay off the back rent. That was personally one of the worst things that didn’t involve ya know; the pandemic or Trump being president and then getting that again and now slowly becoming a dictator but I digress. Let’s stay in the bad for a little more before we talk about all the good.

I used to get black out drunk almost every day for multiple years. I legitimately lost a lot of my life because of it. It made writing almost impossible, I had no desire to do it. But my friend Max and I did a No Alcohol April and it saved my life I truly believe that. So let’s get into the good now.

In the last ten years I have worked with some of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. I’ve become friends with and watched them all grow up. I was 29 when I started and most of my coworkers were younger than me. As I got better at Dos I soon started mentoring new employees. You could say I eventually became the Dos Dad. I wish I could talk about everyone.

I truly felt like I belonged there because I made friends very quickly. Growing up I always felt like an outsider and I’m not saying I never had friends growing up because I did but maybe because I was older and had more life experiences I was able to understand myself and others better. I became fast friends with Carter and I even worked with his brother Dylan. Circuit City bros for life!

Almost got fired on my first day because I told the pirate Hank I didn’t watch One Piece because I hated pirates. <Whoopsie!>

I got to finally play D&D with friends, I went to PAX East, been to so many company parties to the beach, Funspot, Ichihan, Dave & Busters, a Korean bbq and Hot Pot restaurant. I’ve even seen Dos grow ~literally ~ because we renovated in 2017! And sadly I’ve had many of my new friends leave Dos.

I saw them grow and move on and I’m so happy for all of them. I’m truly proud of the work I’ve done there even if I’ve made mistakes. I even did a few more No Alcohol months. I even did a stint of four months without it. I still drink beer, but I don’t get fucked up all the time.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room, me

|ZING!|

I’ve gained my weight back because I stopped going to the gym after the break up with Kate. I’ve talked enough about her and I dodge a bullet there!

I’ve been fat for most of my life and I do need to shed a couple pounds but I don’t think I’ll return to the gym life. Right now I’m focusing on sharing my knowledge to the new kids at Dos while feeding the community of Concord. When a customer compliments the food it truly brings a warmth to my heart because I know we aren’t serving packaged garbage but real food.

Also work on not hating myself and stop listening to the voice that says no one loves me. Because I have many people who love me and if I didn’t mention you it isn’t because I don’t love you I just didn’t want this to be bigger than my first novel. ~Which you should BUY NOW!~ If you’re reading this, I love you and if we haven’t seen each other in a while just swing by Dos and if you need a hug I’m here for you.

So in summation the last ten years has been a roller coaster and I’m going to keep on it for as long as I can.

Grams

2023-02-16T13:02:00.000-05:00

My gram was a bad ass, a bad ass that didn’t want to hear her grandchildren say fart. She hated snakes and divorced the love of her life in the 1970’s because he cheated on her. She fucking up rooted her life with her teenage daughter my mother and her two sons my uncles. My uncle Mike was just a baby.

I remember being little and getting annoyed as she listed off snacks she had for me and her other grandkids. That’s how she showed me love, with food. She was a New Englander through. Stubborn, we didn’t get hugs but we never felt unloved. My family is far from perfect, we’re all sarcastic and funny. That’s how we showed love.

She always supported my creativity by getting me crayons and mechanical pencils. I always loved drawing with them. She taught me how to haggle and I got the Spawn cartoon on VHS. She would let me buy Sonic or Spider-Man or Batman comics. I would use them to draw or tell new stories.

I remember when she made me bear sausages, yeah and I remember her asking what I thought. She hadn’t said they were made of bear meat. She thought I would be grossed out but I wasn’t. I ate a bear! I felt as strong as one! She also helped me diet and exercise as a little fat kid who became a fat adult.

I wish I told her more about how much I loved her and spending winters away from my siblings and being able to watch Golden Girls or all my favorite cartoons. The way she said MARE-EO! Instead of Mario when she asked me about Nintendo. All video games were just Nintendo to her.

She loved deers, she was always so smart and didn’t take shit from anyone. Her new husband Brad who passed two years ago was a ball buster and she gave it back to him. But I could see that was just how they were. She also loved coffee, I always tried to get an extra cup of coffee from her. I lied and said ma let me have two cups at home. I didn’t drink coffee at home, I drank it with her. Although looking back it was mostly milk.

I can head the clacking typewriter I banged away at in her office. A Power Ranger comic sat close by as I wrote stories. Even now I still type like a bird pecking away at the keyboard. Ding time for a new paragraph!

I hated the stairs in their house, going up them was fine. But going down them always scared me, especially at night. They creaked, my toes would crack because they wood was so cold. But her house was true warmth.

Her once red hair, hair my mom has and hair I had the generic store brand of. I only ever knew her with white hair, always long and in a ponytail. Always with bangs, a sweater with a collared shirt , glasses and her dentures always in. I can close my eyes and see her sipping coffee out of a tea cup.

She always referred to Concord as The City, capital T, capital C. Like it was god damn New York, New York! “You can get one toy, make sure you chose correctly.” She would say and smirk, it was her money and she wanted to spoil us kids. Although she may have crated an anxious person with such a request. How do I choose the Perfect Toy?, trademark and paten pending.

As I got older, I would still make time to stay the weekend when the weather was bad and Grampa Brad had to plow. She would slip me a crisp $20 and some times I would slip it right back into her purse. I once forgot to cash a birthday check and I never heard the end of it. She always got so mad when I gave her money back. But I’ll be God Damned if I didn’t love pulling a fast one like that on her.

Golden Girls, Wheel of Fortune, the local news, Jeopardy were some of our favorite shows. She hated Nickelodeon because it was and I quote “always yelling, they never tell jokes.” I danced to “Do the Mario” in her living room, slippers always outside so we never tracked in dirt.

When she knew I was going over there was always chips and salsa. She even would get me medium and eventually hot as I got more into spicy food. Which I never knew I would be selling people chips and salsa as well as many other things at my current job.

I have many regrets over the years, one being not saying more. Another not hugging her more. But one of the last family parties we held; which we rarely did such a thing. She asked when I would become a dad. She probably wanted more great grandchildren to spoil and I never got her that.

We mustn’t let the regrets and unspoken words eat us up. I got 36 years with her, lots of people can’t say that. So I must swallow the sadness and embrace all the good.

“Quick like a bunny!” Sorry grams, I’ll add another regret. I’m no Hemingway. And I won’t be quick when I talk about you.

Silence

2021-04-23T21:55:00.003-04:00

Death Trigger Warning. Animal Death Trigger Warning. Reader Discretion is Advised.

It’s been sometime since his passing and honestly the silence has been what has been the most painful. After the death of Kawaii I had thought I would get another year with Kaiinu. The reason I didn’t write this right away because part of me didn’t want it to be real as well as it was going to be a rehash of the story, I wrote a few months back. But different. I don’t want to blame people, but I feel like things could have been different. I feel like we could have saved him. Like when I didn’t try my best to save Kawaii. So, when I heard her scream the next morning and I picked him up. His head lolled and for a split second; I thought he was still alive. I was wrong. Every knock on the door or sound since that day

I’ve thought, “That’s going to get the dogs barking!” Like I have always thought since we first got them. Any noise I make that thought occurs and is met with silence and I never thought I would miss the yapping. I was wrong. Coming home from work isn’t the same, even when they ignored me, they would still look over or sometimes make a tiny little chuff sound. But now it’s silence and so I truly feel the loss. Every time I thought “I wish they would just stop barking already!” is like a little cut now in my soul. I try not to beat myself up, hell I’ve never even been in a fight!

The other night at work a corgi visited, and I’ve been informed by the owner of said corgi is a common occurrence. I walked to the door and saw him bounce and tap the door with his little paws. As he licked my wrist, I felt like I was cheating on my dogs. But it was also a warm feeling to meet a new furry friend. Don’t worry reader, I am doing okay but the silence is deafening most nights, I will not lie.

I'll never be Superman, and that's Okay.

2021-02-16T03:35:00.001-05:00

My whole life I have been watching people with means (money) or other ways (superpowers) save others. I have wished I could also do the same. But I’m no billionaire philanthropist playboy and I’m no alien with god like powers. I’m no half god half mortal or half human half fish person. I’m no mutant or mutagen. I’m no superhuman. I try my best to be kind, caring and respectful and no I don’t do it for praise. I do what is good and right because it feels that way. I’m no wise monk with a laser sword or some time traveling being that can alter people’s past traumas.

What am I? I’m a lost soul, an idealist and on a good day an optimist. But I’m not Batman, I don’t have a code to avenge my parents who were wrongfully murdered of a being that has lost his world. I can’t run at lightspeed or even run a mile in under 13 minutes. But I want to help people, I want to take people’s pain. Sometimes the people use my help to walk over me and leave me aside. While some people come to me for advice yet act as if I spat in their face. Or they just simply don’t listen to reason. No I’m not perfect and I understand if you don’t want my help but next time, don’t ask.

If you seek comfort and deny mine, go elsewhere. I’m tired of being walked on or played because I have compassion. I do not seek to harm others even if they seek to harm me. I’m a humble man with a god complex as well as a Superman complex. But I will never be Kal-El of Krypton raised by Ma and Pa Kent. I was raised by a single mother because my sperm doner didn’t want to live where his wife at the time wanted to. I do hope he enjoyed his sister’s wedding he went to and never returned. Kal-El would never say such things because he is the perfect being. A light of hope and understanding. Batman is that of determination and training, focus. Wonder Woman is a demi-god who is truth, through and through.

Life is not black and white no matter what the racists say. The world has grey in between everything. Perfection is unobtainable unless you’re a dog. But even then, they can be misunderstood, like we all can. I’m rambling and that needs to stop. What I’m trying to say is; I’m shedding a part of me away for my own good. I can’t save everyone but maybe just maybe I can save someone; me. Because that right now is the person that needs help the most. But I must not shun away people like I have. I must compartmentalize. Focus on the stuff I can change, while acknowledging what I can’t but working on a possible fix for the future.

The past is over. The future is unknown. The now only matters. That’s my mantra and if you need it, please use it. Focus on the now and not then.

February 8th -A Tragedy

2021-02-09T19:51:00.005-05:00

Death Trigger Warning. Animal Death Trigger Warning. Gore Trigger Warning. Reader Discretion is Advised.

Another morning I awoke from a hangover, they media never shows the bad effects just the fun you experience before you either go to sleep willingly or your body shuts down and you wake up lost and confused in your own apartment. I go to the bathroom, it’s early and my mom is still asleep. My older lady dog lays in front of the bathroom, she barely does this but I ignore her. This is where the guilt will start. In the restroom, I can hear the labored breathing. I’ve never heard her breath like this but she had been acting weird for a few weeks now.

She is seventeen and a Pomeranian, little dogs usually don’t live this long. I need to remember that. I exit and before I return to my room I bend down and pet her. She barely moves and I don’t think much of this little old lady wheeze and barely respond. I go back to sleep so I’m ready for work. A few hours later I do this routine again. Normally my mom is awake around now but I make my bathroom trip quick and return to watch some podcast on YouTube. I still ignore my dog as she dies but I didn’t know that yet and at this point I can’t save her, probably never could. But my brain will spend the next day telling me how much of a terrible person I am for doing all this.

Hours later I grab my work clothes, leave my room and my mom is finally awake and watching tv. She says nothing and I walk over the old dog like the two prior times but something feels off. I’m so glad I turned back and started this timeline instead of what my brain imagines a worse timeline. One where my mom finds her precious dog dead while I’m at work. I know she wouldn’t have been able to handle it because of what happened next in the main timeline.

I bend down and touch the dog, Kawaii Inu; seventeen, purebred pom and older sister to our other pom Kaiinu Oto. I was a major anime nerd when we got them in 2004 then 2005. As my hand touched her body it felt like time slowed down because for a few seconds my brain just said “this is weird.” I never pushed or shook the body because of this. She was cold and not because we lived in a cold apartment. I touch her again and mutter, “she’s stiff.” My mom turns her swivel chair and says what? I can hear pain in her voice already.

“I could be wrong but she is stiff,” I said. I think, at this point the details became hazy. I start to hit the ground to make noise. She is old, her hearing isn’t the best but I know for damn sure I can make the carpet send vibrations to wake her up. Nothing. Like my feelings, I feel nothing. “Call the vet.” I said and continued to go and take a shower. I had work, and I was blinded by that. As my mom spoke with the vet I heard something that sounded like “Help me.” Again, the details were fuzzy by this point. Nothing felt real.

I open the bathroom door, step over Kawaii and go to my room. I shut my door. My internal monologue. ‘You have to call work. Yes I have to. I don’t have them in my contacts. I’ll call my boss.’ I hit the letter of her first name. Then I remember it is by last name so I hit G. I see her name and hit it then hit call. I was composed and then I heard her voice. I started to ramble; I don’t remember what I said. But I know my voice cracked and I started to cry. I was frantic and she was understanding. After the call I leave my room, still dazed with tears in my eyes.

“Do we have a box?” I asked and my mom still on the phone with the vet pointed to under our kitchen table. I go over and start to look, some had my newborn niece’s name and were too small so I kept them closed. I found a box and went to my mom’s room to get a sheet I knew Kawaii had slept on. The next part is going to be graphic. I’m going to put some dashes above and below so you can skip it.

I grabbed the small body of the dog, a dog who had stopped eating and was all but fur, bones and skin. She stuck to the floor. It made a grotesque sound like a band-aid. For the rest of the day this moment haunted me and I hope my mom didn’t notice. I turned her over hoping maybe she was just playing possum. She was not, her tongue lolled from the side of her mouth that was on the floor. Maybe that was why the sound happened. I laid the body in the box and my mom took a towel she had laid on a few days ago and covered her.

I took a shower and I remember I had told people I would take a cab, that was a lie. I got my shoes on, my backpack with the house keys and I lifted the box. My mom asked why I wouldn’t take a cab and I said I didn’t want to call a cab and put a dead animal in it and ask for a ride to the vet. So I walked her up there. It was my penance for failing her. I was beating myself up for this loss, my Superman complex was in full swing and for failing my beloved dog and my mother I was condemning myself. Making myself walk her to the vet for cremation as well as selfishly hold her one last time because I hadn’t held her much recently. As I walked with this box, it was heavy and I couldn’t stop crying. I was beating myself up unjustly. I was hurt because I just lost my dog that I had since 2004. The dog that when I went away for college she would wait for me by my door.

Kawaii Inu is two Japanese words. Kawaii = Cute and Inu = Dog. Technically and grammatically she should have been Inu Kawaii. And her brother Kaiinu Oto roughly translated to ‘Brother of Beloved one.’ We all loved our little shit from day one. She was feisty, she was a little asshole who never listened even when she had perfect dog hearing. She only ever wanted mom to hold her, If any of us else did she would jump away and shake off like she had just bathed in smelly water. I’m pretty sure she loved my friend Chris as much as I do. Because she was always kind to him.

Her favorite thing to do was dig holes, she hated when we ran around the table but she always chased us so actually she loved it. She was playful and independent. Any time another dog was in heat and it affected her brother she would fight him back. Show him she was the Queen. Because she was, we all bowed to her and spoiled her.

Fission Mailed

2020-12-23T02:06:00.000-05:00

Well I have to admit something. I had tried my best to journal my life. But I have to admit that alcohol had consumed me. I'm 34 and I still struggle with my alcoholism. Especially since we had to close because a fellow coworker contracted Covid-19. I'm trying to quarantine after all of this. But that isn't the problem. I wrote two blogs to cover up my laziness and them the alcohol consumed me. It bewitched me and made me sad as always and it took away any productivity that I felt.

I'm still struggling with substance abuse. But I'm no quitter and I will keep creating. But right now, I need to focus on myself.

Are you actually ready to and step into manifesting your dream life?

2020-12-17T13:59:00.002-05:00

I'm going to be honest. No, I'm not ready but these past few days are getting me ready. I don't know when I will be ready because I'm very skeptical. I also overthink and I don't feel like I am ready to live my dream life. I wish I could focus on my writing more, and not have to worry about rent or bills. Capitalism has made living this dream very hard. Imagine if we could all do what ever we wanted? I'm journaling to get ready to manifest my dream life. But I am not ready and that's okay. Because one day, I will be. I will be.

What negative habits do you need to let go of?

2020-12-17T13:51:00.003-05:00

I have a lot that I need to let go of. Firstly the self-loathing. Honestly that is the biggest thing. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. I need to ask for help even though it is so very hard for me to do so. I need to stop beating my self up over small mistakes, and overthinking. Oh how I need to stop overthinking. Overthinking has been such an enemy to me. Because it makes me think everyone hates me. Then the negative thoughts make me hate myself even more. And I need to work on my alcoholism and I plan on making a big change very soon. I need to strop procrastinating because it stopped me from writing this. But I will do another today to make up for it.

Dear Universe

2020-12-15T13:16:00.003-05:00

Dear Universe:

I'm here to formally thank you for existing and letting me, no blessing me with existence. Although I do complain and sometimes wish I wasn't here. I wish to apologize and thank you. I have taken you for granted and hope you can forgive me. Every cold autumn breeze, bright rays of light from our sun that beads sweat on my brow. The boom and crack of thunder and lighting as the rain soaks the ground that nurtures the food we all eat. I want to thank you for all the animals, big and small. You've put me into the circle of life and I thank you.

You have brought many lovely humans into my life, if I had made different decisions I would not have met some of them. That sometimes could have been good or bad. But this isn't a letter to talk about my past mistakes but a thank you for everything you have given me. I always hear people say we are star dust and as a child I wanted to explore the universe. You are full of secrets and I wish to learn more about you. Your vast endless nature, all the stars and planets we have not discovered but they are there. I believe you are full of life be it human, animal, insect or microscopic beings.

I'm thankful for being born when I was because of technology. Although I wish more people would use it in better ways. There are so many misinformed people; but maybe one day their eyes will open like mine have. I see things now in such a different way and that is because of when I was born. How my life has unfolded as it has, lead me to this letter. So thank you Universe for life, death but not taxes. I can't wait to learn more about you.

Sincerely,

Jake

How can you be more positive?

2020-12-14T13:42:00.000-05:00

The question I've asked myself for a few years now. Because being suicidal and constantly hating myself has been very damaging. Before you get worried I have never attempted suicide. I have never even self-harmed. Unless you count the nights I got black out drunk and ended up puking my guts out. Which I hate to admit have been many nights especially in the last few years. But as I get closer to thirty-five I'm started to realize I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to change or I'll end up six feet under. So that brings me to today's motivational journal. Yes this is day three of a hopefully fifty day journal practice to better myself. The first was positive adjectives and the second was my potential. Can you tell I'm stalling? Padding the journal because I'm still learning. In high school I was so sick and tired of being made fun of I decided that if I made the joke first it would hurt less. That became my defense and what a horrible defense it was. It was like poisoning myself a little bit each day in hopes I would gain an immunity and well reader that plan was not good. Because now I'm overly critical of everything I say and do.

So now I must unlearn years of mistreating myself as I have been and am still unlearning my racist behaviors, sexist and homophobic ones as well. Because we live in a society that molds us into terrible hateful people. Hate is taught to us and we must unlearn it and as I've unlearned hatred towards others I now take this journey towards loving myself. I must stop with the little jabs against my physical appearance. I must stop doubting my intelligence and I must stop beating myself up for making mistakes. I need to unlearn all of this. That is step one. I need to take compliments when received and not brush them off. This will be a hard journey for me and I hope I don't give up as I often do when things get hard. Unlike video games we can't change to an easier difficulty. But it's 2020, we should be able to make life easier for others. If you've read this and know more ways I can be more positive please comment below. Share this with others if you feel the same way. Life is hard and this is my way to reach out and ask for help. Let's help each other. Let's be more positive to ourselves. We only have one life and slowly killing ourselves with negativity and bad habits isn't going to make it better.

I know I am full of Potential...

2020-12-13T01:52:00.002-05:00

Potential is a hell of a thing. How does one measure it? How do you quantify it? I’m not sure how but I know one thing, I’m full of it. I may have shortcomings here and there but I am creative. Am I the next Great American Novelist? Probably not but I know I can write a good and entertaining story. I’ve always felt less than but having peers tell me I’m not lacking has kept me writing. Having fun sharing and expanding storied with my peers has made me a better writer. That is how and why I see my potential. This will be another short journal but I tend to keep them positive. My potential has no limits and I intend to keep it that way.

List 20 Positive adjectives

2020-12-12T12:22:00.000-05:00

Gentle

Kind

Tall

Calm

Silly

Polite

Witty

Clean

Affectionate

Creative

Dependable

Hard working

Friendly

Compassionate

Tough

Sincere

Honest

Faithful

Easy going

Modest

Bleak: A Poem by Jacob C Heacock

2016-11-21T01:37:00.001-05:00

They say the Devil’s voice is as sweet as honey. He is meant to tempt us. Convert us. Make us succumb. But the Devil’s followers… Their voices are poison. Within us are his followers. You’re ugly. You’re an Idiot. A failure. Not worthy. No one likes you. No one has ever liked you.

At first you ignore them but soon the voices become louder. They cut into your soul. Soon their opinions become fact. You try to shake the voices. They follow you, they break you. But it isn’t an instant break but more of a crack. A crack that becomes so big it becomes hard to ignore. The lies become truths and the darkness consumes.

You try to numb the pain, dull the voices. First with drink and soon with drugs. They don’t work. Nothing works as your demons sink their teeth in and push their claws deeper. They become you. You die as their voices echo and grow. You are not you, you have been broken.

Drink more.

Pop more pills.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Nothing changes; you’re too weak to fight. Too weak to change. The bills pile up, the underpaid workloads increase. What is free time? What is happiness? Who are your friends? No one loves you. No one likes you. They are just pretending. The voices have become you. You aren’t the person you were at your fifth birthday. That version of you has been tainted by the darkness.

Innocence, gone.

Who allowed you to grow up?

Who said you were ready?

Society, the thing that created you.

Destroyed you.

But maybe, there is hope. Maybe there is a light. Maybe freedom truly rings. Or you are just another naïve simpleton. Who said life was fair? A liar, that’s who.

On being an Introvert

2016-05-03T18:58:00.000-04:00

So I needed to get this off my chest because sometimes I need to rant. So I’m not diagnosed with anything but I’m sure I have a mental illness. Maybe one day I’ll find out if I do or I just think I do. But I know for a fact that I’m introverted. Talking with people drains me. But not all people drain me. There are a select few that it is easy to talk with. But most people take away my energy. But that doesn’t make them bad people. So usually I need time to recharge and mostly after working is when I need to have my own time. But I also crave attention randomly.

I may not be making sense. But I want to clarify that socializing is hard for me. If you read this and are like ‘Jake, what are you talking about?’ ‘You’re not introverted!’ Well spoiler alert I am. I have perfected my fake persona. I created it when I started my first job back twelve years ago. I went through school being shy and quiet. I even won most quiet in the yearbook. So with my very limited acting career of two plays I created a version of me. A version I wished I could be.

So when people say things like just be you and the like it makes it hard. Because me is a quiet shy person. But I want to be fun and talkative. But it is very hard to do. Luckily at my job I only worked a few hours so I could be this “Better Me” and then I could go home close my door play music and read. I had alone time to recharge for another day of faking. Because I loved the fake me, so again it’s hard to be the real me because I hate the real me. The real me is boring.

After leaving the first job the “better me” became less and the more new jobs I collected it changed. It wasn’t until recently that I noticed I couldn’t keep this façade up. I tried but I also didn’t try as hard as before. The older I got the more I crawled into my head. I would avoid hanging out with people if one little thing went wrong. It was a nice clean way to stay hidden without being a dick. I wish it wasn’t hard to talk. Sometimes I have nothing to say and it makes me remember this one quote I either heard or invented myself to stay shy.

“If you don’t have anything interesting to say, keep quiet.” This is a thing that has played in my head over and over again. It soon became a creed or rule I lived by. I would have a comment and then I would smother it because I thought it wasn’t worth being said. Because of this when I see people say flippant things it angers me. Because I can’t just “get over this.” So please don’t tell me “I have accomplished a lot” because guess what my brain isn’t right. Some days I feel great and others I feel worthless. Just show your support without invalidating my feelings. I won’t off myself I just need to vent and yell from time to time.

The Sound and the Shadow (Review NO SPOILERS!!)

2016-04-19T12:30:00.000-04:00

The Sound and the Shadow is a mystery with a twist, the indie movie stars Joseph E. Murray (Home to Roost, The Young and the Restless) and Mary Kate Wiles (The Lizzie Bennet Diaries, Bridge and Tunnel) as Harold and Ally. Co-staring Alex Anfanger (Next Time on Lonny, Big Time in Hollywood FL) as Kyle and Rhomeyn Johnson (Low, Vacant Lot) as the detective. Harold is allergy ridden sound engineer that records everything. Ally is the young plucky bike repair girl who rents his spare room. With the disappearance of Pear (portrayed by Holly Sambas) the two unlikely detectives take the case.

Harold doesn’t jump right into being a modern day Sherlock Holmes but he is more so dragged kicking and screaming into said role by Ally. She is caring and just nosy enough to want answers. Within hours they already have a suspect and motive. But many stories have multiple sides. Are Ally and Harold correct? Will the Detective whose job it is to solve the case pin the crime on the wrong man? And what is Harold’s real story? This independent film directed by Justin Paul Miller (Myth of Smashyphys, American Debate) and co-written by Justin Paul Miller and Sam Zvibleman (The Rwana Blend, Myth of Smashyphys) is packed with heart, suspense and a few great laughs.

Mary Kate Wiles brings spunk and life to Ally and fleshes out her character. She isn’t a damsel in distress. She is outgoing, quick talking and curious to a fault. Her curiosity does get her into trouble a few times. But Ally isn’t a typical troupe laden written female character. She feels very authentic and if you’ve seen Mary Kate’s other roles, Ally is nothing like them. But this isn’t a review about her other roles although I could talk about them for days.

Harold is a recluse and mysterious older man. He is stubborn and like I said he begrudgingly is pulled into this case. I’m not familiar with this actor’s other works. But I can say his portrayal of this character not only made me laugh he got me to tear up a bit towards the end. No spoilers in this review. Harold isn’t very talkative and it isn’t until the last act of the film to we find out who he truly is. Unlike an M. Night movie the twist isn’t seen from a mile away and it actually worked to make me feel for the character more.

As I watched the movie I feared they would do what Hollywood does and make this a romantic plot between the main characters. Thankfully they don’t because we don’t need any more Old man and young woman romance stories. They are sick fantasy fulfilment of old dudes and I’m tired of said trope. But there is a very subtle subplot of romance that I don’t wish to spoil. All of the secondary characters are interesting but this truly is just a movie about a man a young woman and a mysterious disappearance of a little girl. Also a cat but like I said no spoilers.

In summation I highly recommend this film. It’s only $12.99 on iTunes in America. I don’t know if it is rentable but it is worth the money. The filmography is splendid, the pacing is spot on and kept me at the edge of my seat. It answered the questions posed and didn’t leave a sour taste in my mouth. Now I’m not a huge buff when it comes to mysteries so you may have a differing opinion and I’d love to hear them in the comments below of on Twitter. Tweet @phatjake and let’s talk.

Trailer: https://vimeo.com/51324316

The Boy That Flew by Jacob Heacock

2015-09-19T18:17:00.002-04:00

From the head writer of How To Cook A Mermaid and contributing writer of Cider Magazine comes the first novel of author Jacob Heacock. In his debut fantasy novel comes a new world where every human is blessed by the creator Adonai with traits. Tribes of villagers who can create or manipulate fire, mind readers, a man that can move faster than sound, movers of mountains and the smartest human alive all wonder if they prophecy of the first human to fly will ever come true. After thousands of years fighting off demons the humans believed the tale of the Uniter to be false. But one day a young boy named Tobu realizes his full potential.

Take flight with Tobu as he discovers himself and the new world around him and how dangerous it is to be a living prophecy. A fantasy novel packed with demons, super human feats, romance, death and new life. Buy your copy now either physical or digital!

Day One Hundred and Nineteen: (I think) BUY MY BOOK

2015-04-29T11:55:00.000-04:00

Well with the hectic nature of self publishing my first novel, hopefully it isn't riddled with awfulness. But ya know what if it is hot garbage so be it. It's my hot garbage. If Fifty Shades of Grey can become a movie (and that book was Twilight fan fiction) I think I got a good chance! But I need your help! Buy it here also buying from Create Space gets me the most money! I mean I get some from Amazon and Kindle but buy from Create Space so I can actually pay an editor for book 2!

Binge watched Daredevil and it was the best 13 hours of my life well next to publishing my book. Haven't been writing everyday and I think May first I will return to it. I hope to see the Avengers sequel and I'll talk about it here. I need to review more things, feel free to help out and tell me what I should review. Also I should get back into fan fic requests because why not, I make no money on this site so I can't get in trouble for doing fan fiction.

Day One Hundred and Six: I haven't forgotten you!

2015-04-16T11:26:00.000-04:00

I have had the buisest few days with a party to working longer shifts all while editing and trying to catch up on TV shows and Let's Plays. I'm well over half way through my book and well I noticed I had left a note for my future self and luckily didn't rush the book to print because it would have been a real big mistake. I've also noticed that my style as a writer has changed and I may have to fix parts of the book so the story flows better.

On the Let's Play front I sadly only have time for Game Grumps and Rooster Teeth and no others. I used to watch a few other random people but these two channels alone create so much content it's hard to keep up. Hell Rooster Teeth alone makes so much content with Red Vs. Blue and RWBY (which I need to finish) They also have a bunch of podcasts, sponsor casts and just all around content they even have a news channel The Know! TOO MUCH CONTENT!

On the TV front I have caught up with Flash and Arrow, super excited for the new spin off. That currently has no name. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D is getting better and I still need to watch Daredevil, probably Sunday when I have a day off. Oh and I need to finish Empire, already stoked for Sleepy Hallow season 3, and when does Doctor WEho return I must find out! (Kinda wish the Moff would step down but that seems unlikely.) Also I need more Star Wars Rebels.

AVENGERS TWO COMES OUT IN FOURTEEN DAYS! EXPECT A REVIEW!!!!

I love you all, everything is falling into place and I can't wait until you can all read my book. Please buy like fifty copies to show your love.

Day One Hundred and Three: Editing my novel.

2015-04-13T09:49:00.004-04:00

Had a busy weekend and now editing my proof. Also I will be getting published in Cider Magazine!

Day Ninety Nine: Tyler and Chase go to Dino Bite Cafe

2015-04-09T10:08:00.000-04:00

(I do not own these characters this is just fan fiction and I hope you enjoy. This was a request from Min)

Sitting at his desk Will was pining over his ex-girlfriend when his friend JD entered the office. He shook his head in disapproval as he snatched the photo from Will’s hands.

“You need to move on, come out with me,” JD said.

“I have so much work to do, my ass is on the line.” Will replied.

“Get one of the new guys to do it, new people love that shit. Makes them think they have a place here.”

Tyler sat in a cubicle, doing paper work for the museum. Each person was quietly working, two of Tyler’s fellow co-workers walked over. Will and JD stop by Tyler’s desk with fake smiles. Tyler turns around and sees the smiles. Internally he wants this to not happen, he just wants to be left alone to do his job.

“Hey some Germans came on an earlier flight and I have a meeting to go to. So I need you to do these financial reports,” Will said.

“Yeah and I hear Barinsein is about to fire a bunch of the deadweight around here,” JD chimed in.

“Uhm, yeah of course,” Tyler said.

“You have a killer weekend, I owe you one. But only one don’t get carried away.”

The two guys left Tyler holding back their snickers of excitement. They leave the building slapping fives and fist pumping.

“I can’t believed that worked!” Will said.

“Yeah that’s how I get all my work done. Dumb newbies,” JD said and laughed.

On the top floor Tyler looked down to see the two celebrating. He let out a simple, “Fuck,” before going to his desk and gathering the paper work and his laptop. The two guys peel out of the parking lot.

*-*-*

At a university Chase sits in an office, an older man is talking about his personal life while Chase interviews for an archeologist position. He is wearing a suit but the tie is unties and he still wears a backwards hat. His phones goes off and he tries to pause the interview.

“Dude, I have to stay at work and,” Tyler said.

“And when has that stopped us from blazing?”

“Chase I have a ton—“

“Oh no dude, I got the finest herb in all of Amber Beach and you are not skipping out on me,”

“Okay fine,”

“Good because in a few hours we’re going to be blazed out of our skulls. Bye. Okay were was I?”

“Do you honestly think that after that display you will get hired?”

“No, I’m just doing this so Kendall will get off my ass.”

“GET OUT!”

*-*-*

“Chase?” Tyler called out.

“In here,” Chase called back.

Tyler walked through their apartment, Tyler’s side was cleaned up but not like Riley’s place. But compared to Chase his room was immaculate. But Chase wasn’t in his room and he yelled for him again to find out that Chase was in his room naked. Tyler covered his eyes.

“Dude what the?” Tyler said.

“I’m trimming my pubes mate, makes your John Thomas look massive,” Chase said.

“Are those mine? I trim my nose hairs with those!” Tyler said.

“I’ve been doing this for months…” Chase said.

“Oh god…”

The two guys are out of their work clothes in something more casual, a voice mail message is layed. Kendall is telling Chase he has a new interview to go to. Chase walks over to Tyler on the couch with a book he carved out and stored his weed. He sits down and rolls the first joint.

“Spark it up,” Tyler said.

The two pass the joint back and forth as they watch tv. A lot of dumb commercials come on. Inbetween a bunch of awful shows that get the two laughing their asses off. But it is one commercial that gets their attention.

“Are you hungry for the perfect burger?”

“Yes,” they both said as they leaned forward.

“Come to the Dino Bite Café were we introduce the new sliders. Six burgers, fries and a soft drink for only two ninety nine. Think about all those burgers inside of you right now. Mmm mmm Dino Bite Café, make hunger extinct.”

“Do you know how to get there Chase?”

“Yeah, I totally do,” he lied. “I’ll drive.

The two guys got up and left their apartment. They walk down the hall and walk into their friends apartment.

“Koda!” Chase said.

“Riley!” Tyler said.

“Hey yo where going to Dino Bite café,” Chase said.

“No were watching The Gift, apparently Katie Holmes gets named.

“Koda get to see boobies,” Koda said.

“Is that all you two think about?” Tyler asked.

“That is so foul, Katie Holmes is a nice respectable girl. And we get to see her boobs.” Riley said as he passed the bong to Koda.

“Fine were going for the perfect burger,” Tyler said as they left the apartment.

“Hey if you two… oh… Hey Koda I think those two are just going to make out in Tyler’s jeep the whole time.”

“Oh those two totally would, wanna suck on this?” Koda said as he handed Riley the bong.

“Chase, I need to get this work done so you drive.”

“Will do,” he said as they walked to the jeep.

“I’m gonna eat like thirty burgers,” Tyler said.

“I see your twenty and raise you five more and a triple large fry.” Chase said as they drove away.

Chase was driving around, he wasn’t sure where the Dino Bite Café actually was. He rubbed his eyes quickly as they made a turn. He was sure they were close because they saw the movie theater and on the other side should be the Dino Bite Café. A Burger Palace was there and they drove around. They went to the drive through.

“Hey guys go to the first window to order,” the employee said.

“There used to be a Dino Bite Café here,” Chase said.

“That was years ago, Burger Palace bought this location.”

“Where’s the nearest Dino Bite Café?” Tyler asked.

“About forty five minutes away at the museum,”

“I can make the trip if you’re willing to.” Chase said.

“Dude, I have so much work and,” Tyler said.

“Let me cut in and say if you’re craving Dino Bite than these burgers will not compare. Dino Bite with those grilled veggies, mm mm. Thinking about them makes me want to leave right now.”

The two looked to each other and drove away, the trip could be long but they wouldn’t end the night until they had Dino Bite in their bellies.As they drove they saw a guy hitchhiking. They slowed their car down and he came to the window.

“Oh my god, you’re Tommy Oliver!” Chase said.

“Yeah,” Tommy said as he got into the car.”

“You’re one of my favorite rangers,” Tyler said.

“Cool, awesome can we get going?” Tommy said.

“Yeah uh what are you doing out here?” Chase asked.

“Someone slipped me something and I’m trippin balls right now,” Tommy said.

Chase began to drive as they marveled at the fact they had one of the most prolific rangers. He was a bit twitchy, and he kept going on about all the different teams of rangers he worked with. Chase had no idea where they were and the stories Tommy told were so grandiose.

“Did you ever hook up with any female rangers?”

“All of ‘em,” he said.

“Even Aisha?” Chase asked.

“No, I didn’t go all the way with her.” Tommy said as he looked out the window.

“Wow,” Tyler said.

“Where the hell are we?” Tommy asked.

“Amber Beach, I think,” Chase said as they drove.

He pulled into a gas station, he needed directions. He had no idea where he was right now. Chase and Tyler got out of the car and walked into the convenient store within the gas station. Chase walked over.

“Mate, we’re looking for Dino Bite Café,” Chase said.

“Oh it’s just passed Highway to Hotdog, like two miles north.” The clerk said.

“Nice we’re almost there.” Chase said.

“I’m so hungry I could,” Tyler said.

“We’re not eating until we get to Dino Bite Café.” Chase said.

As they left the convenient store the jeep peeled away. Tyler looked over to Chase. He then looked back to where his car was. He was starting to shake with anger, this night was hell and he yelled in frustration.

“Did Tommy Oliver just steal my car?” Tyler asked.

“The white ranger just stole your car mate,” Chase said.

Tyler started to walk south, without his phone he needed to find a pay phone. He was going to call a cad or the cops, someone and try to fix this whole day. Chase followed him.

“Wait, Dino Bite Café is to the north not the south.” Chase said.

“No dude, I’m done. I don’t care about munchies anymore. I’m not even high. I just want my jeep and to be home. All my work is in that jeep and if its gone I’ll be fired.” Tyler was ranting.

“We can’t quit now. We’re almost there! It’s like just over that hill. We’ve come so far and if you think that the white ranger stealing your car is the worst thing ever than you don’t know real pain, like having the worst cavities ever. We’re rangers too and we never surrender.”

“That’s a whole different team dude,” Tyler said.

“We need to make hunger extinct Ty, now come on!” Chase said.

The two walked north in the break down lane, Tyler saw his jeep careen passed them and it was full of strippers and Tommy was snorting coke off one of their asses. Chase had to hold Tyler back. They continued to walk and saw Highway to Hotdog. Riley and Koda were in there. Shelby was next to Riley and the three of them looked like they were having the times of their lives.

“I want that,” Tyler said.

“What a mega dog extra chili and cheese?” Chase asked, Koda was stuffing his face with such a meal.

“No dude, that feeling. Of getting exactly what you want, I want that.” Tyler said.

“So we’re going to Dino Bite Café?” Chase asked.

“Yeah,” Tyler said as they resumed their walk.

Their feet were tired, their bellies ached and once they saw it, they nearly cried. The two guys ran to the Dino Bite Café, laughing and playfully pushing each other to make sure they weren’t dreaming. As they got in the guy behind the counter looked them over, they were dirty, sweaty and they looked a bit crazy.

“Rough night?” he asked.

“I was thirty sliders with six orders of fries and three large colas.” Tyler said.

“I want the same but make mine extra-large and diet,” Chase said.

Tyler reached for his wallet, it was gone. He looked over to Chase.

“I only have New Zealand dollars,” he said.

“I got this,” a mysterious voice said. They turn around to see a familiar face.

“Tommy! You stole my jeep!” Tyler said, he was so angry he didn’t have a better or meaner thing to say.

“It was a dick move on my part, that’s why I’m paying for the meal. Also here is four hundred dollars for the jeep.” Tommy said as he handed them the money.

“What did you do to my jeep?” Tyler asked.

“What did you do to his jeep” Chase echoed.

“I may have ruined the upholstery with some… love stains.” Tommy said as he put on some sun glasses.

“Where are you going?” Chase asked.

“Where ever a team of rangers need a leader,” he said as he left.

Once they were paid up, the two waited at the table and the employees brought over multiple trays of food. The two filled their empty stomachs with the tastiest little burgers around. They made noises of excitement that made people stare; it truly was a happy ending. Except for Tyler’s upholstery, that was completely destroyed.

Day Ninety Six: Request a Review!

2015-04-06T12:13:00.002-04:00

Well with the self publishing a reality, original stories will probably not be posted anymore. Unless they aren't finished. Like ideas so I will need to post something here and I don't want to write journals every day. So I want to do some reviews, give me a show, or movie to review. Oh and on Monday April 13th I will be getting the proof copy of my first book. Once it is edited and fixed I will be able to approve it and then put it on sale. Don't be surprised when I talk about it and try to sell it like 24/7 so to stop that make sure to request a review!

Day Ninety Five: Rumor Flip (A Shelby x Riley fic)

2015-04-05T10:50:00.000-04:00

(via)

(I do not own these characters this is just fan fiction and I hope you enjoy. This was a request from Min)

Riley was flipping burgers; the hardest part of working at the Dino Bite Café was the smell of the food that stuck to his clothes. Better than some of the smells that stuck to him while at the ranch. Tyler was running the register as Shelby was making her rounds and she had become less clumsy. But she would still occasionally trip over her own feet.

Riley never fit in on the ranch because he hated getting dirty, he liked things to be neat orderly and clean. Maybe that was why he gravitated towards puzzles but he had yet to solve the biggest puzzle for him, girls. He didn’t have a lack of confidence but he was shy and never knew what to say. Maybe Shelby could help? He thought. He wouldn’t ask Chase for any tips and Koda would probably tell him something a bit out dated.

He wasn’t sure why he was even thinking about girls, maybe because the job gave him too much time to think while he flipped burgers. He quickly plated the burgers on the buns that he had already prepared with all the proper condiments ready. He had a pattern, he made subtle moves and completed five burgers.

“Order up!” he yelled.

He opened the mini fridge behind him and he was out of burger patties, as he walked to the fridge he never saw Shelby appear holding milkshakes. He never saw the milkshakes until he was covered in them. He let out a gasp, they were so cold and sticky. He stood there in disbelief for a moment but he didn’t get angry. Shelby was his friend and she was prone to accidents.

“Riley, I’m so sorry!! I just—and then you and I…” she said and he felt her finger graze his cheek and he watched as she licked the milkshake from her finger. “Mm strawberry chocolate.”

“I’ll man the grills Ri guy,” Tyler shouted. “We have a house out back.”

“Sorry Shelby, I should have got the patties before I called you over,” he said before going outback. A trail of milkshake was left behind.

“What happened? I just cleaned these floors?” Chase said as he pulled off his headphones.

“Accident, hit Riley with about five different milkshakes,” Shelby sad.

“And I missed it? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a speck of dust on him. I miss all the good stuff,” he said as he got the mop.

After his outside shower with a hose, Riley felt a little better but now he was damp and his jeans were getting heavy. He could still smell strawberry on himself at the end of his work shift, his speed had suffered from the wet clothes but he got back into rhythm and back to thinking about girls. So once their shift was over he stopped Shelby.

“Wanna hang out? I sort of have some questions,” he asked,

“You have questions? Did you forget how to solve a rubick’s cube?” Shelby asked and playfully elbowed him.

“No problem in that department, actually it involves girls.” Riley said as they left the museum.

“Oh who do you have a crush on? Is it Kendall?” Shelby said and smiled.

“Uh no, not really anyone just in general,” he said.

“Well firstly we’re not puzzles, we’re just people. Women aren’t more complex and neither are guys. You’ll find a great girl and have millions of babies. Just be yourself and talk,” she said.

“I never thought of it like that,” he said.

“Well I blame those dumb romantic comedy movies,” she said.

“I like those kinds of movies,” he said and looked to his feet.

“Me? I like a good action movie. We should go see Furious 7,” she said, they were getting close to her place and soon he would have to go home.

“I’ve never seen Furious one through six,” he said.

“Oh my god, we’re having a marathon tonight. You have tomorrow off right? Come on, I have popcorn and soda at the ready,” she said.

“Why not,” he said and smiled.

He walked into her apartment once they had got there; she lived a few floors up. Her apartment was a bit chaotic, not dirty or gross but unorganized. She had clothes littered around and she had books about dinosaurs everywhere. Her movies were scattered around, a few out of their cases and most of them about dinosaurs. He saw Jurassic Park, its sequels and a bunch of other dino movies. Shelby ran around her apartment picking up her clothes and trying to find the movies.

“Your apartment is homey,” he said and laughed nervously.

The night was spent watching movies, playfully tossing popcorn in each other’s mouths and drinking far too many sodas. But it was the first time in his time here that he had fun. He normally stuck to training, working and calling his family. Saving the world here and there was another of his hobbies. The next few days he had been spending more time just hanging out with Shelby.

They would rent movies, they would talk about saving the world or the new tech Kendall made. It was very natural and he didn’t think talking to girls would be this easy. He had thrown away his old mindset and just talked to her like anyone and soon people started to talk. He over -heard someone talking about him and Shelby. They had just come back from lunch, they were talking and joking. He had no idea they were note worthy.

Shelby on the other hand had noticed how easy he was to talk with. When they were watching on of his favorite rom coms she realized she had feelings for him. She didn’t expect this to happen. But Riley didn’t seem to realize the signals she was giving him. He would bring her out to eat; they would text back and forth for hours. She would sit close to him while they watched another dino documentary.

“Shelby? I think people think we’re dating,” he said as they passed by two gossipy people.

“Yeah, that’s crazy. Us dating, hah, we’re just like the best of friends is all,” she said.

“Best friends? Wow I’m honored. You know the past few weeks have been great and I look forward to the next documentary,” Riley said and gave her a hug.

“Hey, I had a great idea,” she said.

“What is it?” he asked.

“It would be like totally funny, hear me out. What if we battle this rumor by pretending to date. Then when people come to us, we laugh in there face and show them to not believe in rumors.” She said with a smile.

“Yeah boy won’t their faces be red. How do we fake date?” he asked.

Shelby pulled him close and kissed him on the lips, she had wanted to do this for days. In a way she hoped he was a terrible kisser so she could stay focused on becoming an archeologist. Bad news was he was an excellent kisser. Riley was shocked by the kiss and hoped their plan would work. Yeah fake dating was a great idea, so great that maybe it could be real.

Day Ninety Four: Taking destiny by the balls

2015-04-04T12:28:00.000-04:00

I just spent the morning submitting my first novel to Amazon, I made a cover and did a bit of tweaking and it is now under review. If all goes well you know I will be pimping that book and hopefully get some sales from my mermaid chefs.

Day Ninety Three: No Update

2015-04-03T10:02:00.002-04:00

I can't think of anything blaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Day Ninety Two: The Mysterious Disappearance of Kipu-Tytto Part 2

2015-04-02T11:37:00.000-04:00

{Reader discretion is advised. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locals or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Copyright © 2015}

“What brings you to Bel-Isama?” a young woman asked.

“I’m looking for answers,” Liz said.

“Lucky for you, I was standing right here when you landed. Elizabeth right? Daughter of Tobu,” she said.

Liz had never been recognized outside of her tribe. She was confused and worried, if she had to fight she would. Her parents had taught her to fight and killing that Malumshinnin a few hours back was proof she wasn’t in danger. But this woman who knew her name could be dangerous.

“How did you?” she asked.

“Our parents knew each other; we used to play when you were five or so. I’m…” she said.

“Sonya? I barely recognized you I’m sorry.” Liz said.

“I also have a database with all the notable people of Earth, like your babysitter Aurum who lost part of his arm fighting a Malumshinnin and failing to save Ruzgar the lost prince of Yansa-Orish. I could go on blowing your mind but we have work to do,” she said.

The started walking, Liz was looking around and she wondered if she had ever been brought here at a younger age. She remembered flying to Paddan-Aram to be with her grandmother. She remembered playing on their farm and meeting the new elder of the tribe. She never remembered who it was; she barely remembered the name of the tribe elder of Tel-Abib.

“Naya was the tribe elder of Paddan-Aram when you were a child and Eirny is Tel-Aviv’s current elder.” Sonya said.

“Are you?” Liz asked.

“Yes, I’m reading your mind. My mother rest her soul had all the answers; it’s how our tribe became so advanced. Her knowledge was legendary and she built a computer; which is where we are going. That has all of her knowledge,” she said.

“What’s a computer?” Liz asked, “Also what are those?” she pointed to a car as it flew past.

“Flying automobile, you know car? Used to use wheels but now can… You have ever even seen a car have you. Wow, people from Ton-Lin must lead very boring lives.” Sonya said with a smile.

“My life was fine, I had books and friends and we had running water and toilets, we’re not animals that live in grass huts. We just don’t have automobies and buildings that cut into the clouds. I wouldn’t even need a flying thing, because I fly naturally.” Liz said trying to brag.

“I’m sorry to be rude, I’m not used to outsiders I guess,” Sonya said.

They made it to a giant skyscraper, it shimmered in the sun and Liz had to shade her eyes. There seemed to be letters spelling out something but Liz didn’t see what it said. Sonya opened the door for her and guided her in. There were potted plants, a desk with a man staring at something. He looked up and smiled at Sonya.

“We’ll be getting on a lift that brings us down to Sofia's Earth Archive Mainframe or SEAM for short. In the lift make sure to hold the railing,” Sonya said as they walked passed the man at the desk. He seemed to be watching them, Liz looked up to see cameras but she had no idea what they were. She looked at the screen and saw as she wiggled her hand back and forth. Liz laughed as she followed Sonya.

“How is it doing that? How did I get into the box?” Liz asked.

“It’s connected to security cameras. We need to make sure no one breaks in and steals SEAM. There are some bad people out there who would love to know everything.” Sonya answered.

She brought Liz to the life and when the doors closed Liz started to get worried. She wasn’t used to being so closed up and Sonya grabbed her hand as it went down. Liz gripped tightly to the railing and to Sonya as the descended into the basement.

“This building is so tall why do we go down?” Liz asked.

“Because each floor is a different office and they each do different things. Not everyone is allowed the answers to everything, even me. The system has ways to keep people out because it isn’t safe to know certain things. So people still can continue to experiment with things and my mother won’t keep getting credit for new ideas and inventions.” Sonya tried to explain.

“Did your mom see the future?” Liz asked.

“I don’t know exactly, no one really understood her power. It actually took a long time before anyone even listened to her. Way before I was born, our city was very much like your tribe. But we started advancing and now we have a city. We plan on bringing these technologies to other tribes soon. Especialy if these Malumshinnin continue to attack.”

The lift door opens and a room full of small screens that bathe the room in blue hue. Sonya clicks a switch and lights appear and cut the blue glow. Sonya walks over and sits in a chair, she starts to move her arms and Liz watches as her fingers move quickly in the air. She looked to one of the larger screens to see letters appearing. Sonya types in Kipu-Tytto.

“Classified” a computer voice said.

Sonya moves her fingers again and the computer repeats the word. Sonya starts to get irked and tries something else. She was right, when her mother didn’t want someone to know the answers she made sure of it. Each time it flashed red as she was denied entry. Sonya than tried another word.

“The Moonlight Syndicate is an intergalactic terrorist organization hell bent on finding and eliminating… THE ANOMOLY. Little else is known about them besides the clothing and mission. Each alien tends to look different and is bonded with the Malumshinnin. Attire of the Moonlight Syndicate includes a three piece suit, always black with a white button up shirt and a silk tie of varied colors. It is unknown why they wear these clothes or whomever is… THE ANOMOLY but what is known is they are dangerous. Many innocent lives have been killed or converted to their cause.” The computer voice said.

“What’s an anomaly?” Liz asked.

“That would be me,” a voice said, it was gruff and masculine.

The two young women turned to see a man in a long old duster, he wore a hat that could possibly be older than he was. His shirt was bright red and he wore jeans which neither of the girls had ever seen clothing like this. On his hips were two colt magnums, another thing the girl’s had never seen.

“Kosuke Azure, I’m here to stop the Malumshinnin once and for all,” he said, his accent was strange, almost whimsical. He pulled one of the silver things from his hip and spun it on his finger.

“How’d you get in here?” Sonya asked.

“I was meant to be here.” He said.