As a general rule of thumb, you are considered a good investor of your own money if you can generate a good returns of over 20% per annum from your stock investment. A good fund manager usually makes 15-20% from their investment. Bear in mind that a 12-months fixed deposit with banks these days only draws a meagre interest returns of 1.5% per annum and saving accounts rates of 0.15% per annum are even more measly.

All else being equal, it’s better to buy a stock near its 52-week low than its 52-week high. Likewise, everytime when everyone is talking something about that specific stock and chasing it higher, that’s the time to sell than buy.

That night, when the festivities were finally over and they finally retired
to their room, she flopped on the bed and said, “Charles darling, please
remove my shoes, my feet are absolutely killing me!”

Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales worked on her right shoe with vigor, but
it would not budge. “Harder!” yelled Camilla, “Harder!” Charles yelled back,
“I’m trying, my darling! But it’s just so blooming tight!”

“Come on, my prince! Give it all you’ve got!” she cried.

Finally, when the shoe released, Charles let out a loud groan and Camilla
exclaimed, “Aaahh! Oh, God, that feels sooo good!”

In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, “See? I told
you with a face like that, she would still be a virgin!”

Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, “Oh, bloody
hell, darling! This one’s even tighter!”

To which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, “That’s my boy: once a Navy man,
always a Navy man!”

Locating what I thought was his fraternity house, I rang the
doorbell.

“Yeah?” a voice called from inside.

“Does Bob Smith live here?” I asked.

“Yup,” the voice answered. “Just leave him on the front porch.
We’ll drag him in later.”

equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling

array of the finest Cuban cigars.

Then the priest comes in.

“Father, forgive me, for it’s been a long time since I’ve been to

confession, but I must first say that the confessional box is much

more inviting these days.”

The priest replies, “Get out! You’re on my side!!!”

Some of us think the more we have the happier we’ll be. Think about the times in your life when you bought something because you thought it would make you happy. How long did the joy last? On hindsight, was it really worth the effort and money? There is so much pressure in our culture to buy and to have. But there is a rude awakening to actually attaining the things that you think will make you happy. It is often so disappointing. How many times have you wanted something, only to find once you had it, it didn’t give you the joy and happiness that you expected?

Someone else cannot make you happy. One of the myths of our society is that finding the perfect mate will bring perfect happiness. However, people who depend on others for their personal happiness are often bitterly disappointed. True happiness comes from knowing yourself, your values, and what you like to do, not from someone else knowing these things about you. We also have to understand that happiness is not guaranteed. It is not a right. If we can fully understand this truth, then we’ll cherish happiness more when it comes, and grieve less when it goes.

Questions about human happiness are not new; they have been asked throughout time. But no one else can really tell you how to find happiness. Also, what makes you happy changes with time. In reality happiness is a personal thing with as many varieties as there are individuals. The bottom line is that we are all experts on our own personal happiness, no one else holds the key or the answers to it.

Make the best of your circumstances, No one has everything and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with the gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. Don’t take yourself too seriously. You can’t please everybody; don’t let your neighbours set your standards, do the things you enjoy doing, but stay out of debt. Don’t borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than the actual ones. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish enmities, grudges. Don’t hold post-mortems. Don’t spend your life brooding over sorrow and mistakes. Don’t be one who never gets over things. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself. Keep busy at something. A very busy person never has time to be unhappy

As he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the bar:

COLD BEER: $2.00

HAMBURGER: $2.25

CHEESEBURGER: $2.50

CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50

HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old gentleman walks up to the bar and calls out to the very sexy female bartender who is serving drinks and bending down to show her ample bosoms to a couple of leering admirers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old biker.

“Yes?” she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, “how may I help you today?”

The old biker leans over the bar, “I was wondering young lady,” he
whispers, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs “Why yes, yes,
I sure am”.

The old biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,
“Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger”.

Woman: “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

Man:   “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?

Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Man:    “Is this seat empty?”

Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Man:   “Your place or mine?”

Woman: “Both.  You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Man:   “I’d like to call you.  What’s your number?”

Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”

Man:   “But I don’t know your name!!”

Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”

Man:    “So what do you do for a living?”

Woman:  “I’m a female impersonator.”

Man:   “What sign were you born under?”

Woman: “No Parking.”

Man:   “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”

Woman: “Do not Enter”

Man:   “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”

Woman: “Unfertilized !”

Man:   “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”

Woman: “Yeah!  Let’s pick up some chicks!”

Man:   “I’m here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy.”

Woman: “You mean you’ve got both a donkey and a Great Dane?”

Man:   “I know how to please a woman.”

Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”

Man:   “I want to give myself to you.”

Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”

Man:   “I can tell that you want me.”

Woman: “Ohhhh.  You’re so right.  I want you to leave.”

Man:   “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy”

Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing.”

Man:   “Your body is like a temple.”

Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”

Man:   “I’d go through anything for you.”

Woman: “Good!  Let’s start with your bank account.”

Man:   “I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?”

The first man had married a woman from Colorado and had told her
that she was going to do dishes and housecleaning. It took a
couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house
and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Nebraska. He had given his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the
cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day
he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean,
the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Central New York. He told
her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,
lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every
meal. He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day
he didn’t see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling
had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, enough
to fix himself a bite to eat and load the dishwasher.

There’s also a psychological aspect to trading like a winner, and sometimes it’s important to just remember some common human tendencies to think “irrationally.” For example, there’s a human need to avoid loss and this need is often manifested in the need to be right. But don’t be afraid to admit you are wrong. And don’t think that you must capitalize on every opportunity to make a profit. Don’t hold overly high expectations. When your expectations are too high, you place too much pressure on yourself, and it interferes with your train of thought. By trading under the right mental conditions, you stay will calm and trade more profitably.