How to Get Thin and Famous (especially if you're lazy)

Mystic Pizza & Beyond: Seafarer's Trail: The Mystic Seafarer's Trail--E-book coming soon!

2012-01-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

Mystic Pizza & Beyond: Seafarer's Trail: The Mystic Seafarer's Trail--E-book coming soon!: I am currently working on an e-book about the secrets behind the haunts and homes of Mystic's famous sea voyagers. I like to write what inte...

Mystic Pizza & Beyond: Seafarer's Trail: Embarking on Seafarer’s Trail to Enders Island

2011-08-08T05:08:00.000-07:00

My hound Bailey and I just trekked eight miles round trip to “The Hanging Garden of Enders Island” on my qu..."

How to Get Thin and Famous Walking the Mystic Seafarer's Trail

2011-07-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

Face it—famous people have an easier time getting work, published or promoting their cause. If you’re thin on top of it, then you can live longer to enjoy it!

After 50 years of dieting (I was a fat kid too), I have to concede that my old classmate was right when she answered my question at a high school reunion on how she stayed so thin: “You can’t eat anything and you have to exercise all of the time.”

And the secret to becoming famous? Now that truly is a secret! Not being athletic or otherwise talented, I have often resorted to the antics of Lucy Ricardo when trying to sneak into Ricky’s nightclub act. In one "I Love Lucy" episode, however, she got Ricky to agree to feature her if she could squeeze into the small costume of a performer who had quit. Lucy starved, exercised and steamed herself down to that size. Could that be the answer for me?

To find out, I’m about to launch my latest strategy for getting thin and famous—but it will be a lot more fun than Lucy's weight loss regimen! I will walk and write about the Mystic Seafarers Trail—a path I designed to include “The 7 Wonders of Mystic.” It will begin where Amelia Earhart got married in Noank, go past Mystic Pizza to the haunts and homes of famous sea captains and their vessels, including the oldest whaleship in the world--one that saw stowaways, amputations, floggings, burials at sea, and is featured in several movies. The trail crosses the drawbridge in downtown Mystic and goes to the Mystic Aquarium & Institute for Exploration, where the discoverer of the grave of the R.M.S. Titanic keeps his home office, and to Olde Mistick Village, where Gloria, the cranky, arthritic goose has been reigning over the duck pond for decades. The trail moves south to what I call “The Hanging Gardens of Enders Island” located at the St. Edmund’s Retreat Center, where relics such as the withered arm of Saint Edmund, who preached for the Sixth Crusade, are displayed. Then eastward to Stonington, where the discoverer of the Antarctic lived and where vastly out-gunned citizens fought off an attack by the British in the War of 1812.

I will not walk this 10-mile trail all in one day. This trip will involve daily treks back and forth from my home or car. My sidekick in this venture will be my faithful walking companion, my beagle/basset hound, Bailey— a true publicity hound who is already famous. He’s been featured in print and online newspapers, and in a commercial (he is the handsome dog to your left).

When I’m done covering my initial planned route, if I’m still not as thin and famous as my hound, I’ll lengthen the Seafarer’s Trail further west to the hidden tunnel at Fort Griswold in Groton, where traitor Benedict Arnold led British forces to victory during the burning of New London, and further east to include a beer tasting at the Cottrell Brewing Co. in Pawcatuck. Perhaps I will also walk north to the wineries buried in the countryside.

Why do I have all of this time to leisurely journey through Mystic Country? When Jim was transferred here last year from New York, I left a job that I loved in campus communication at a college and began working as a freelance publicist and writer, giving me ample, perhaps too ample, time to walk my hound down several side streets to delve into the back stories of the area. Seeing how much fun I’m having, many have asked me, “When are you going to get a real job?”

Good question—so I have set a deadline. If I’m not thin and famous by September, enough to be cast as an extra in the next major motion picture due to be filmed here (starring Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones and Steve Carell), then I will focus my energies into getting a "real" job—and leave the uncovering of Mystic’s secrets to someone else!

Have any tips?

If you have tips on how to get thin and famous, or want to see a particular point of interest covered on my trail, please share them in "Comments" below. To read earlier attempts, some successful, at getting thin and famous (well, at least published), read earlier posts on my blog, “How to Get Thin and Famous” at: http://howtogetthinandfamous.blogspot.com/

Lazy Person's Guide to Home Management

2011-07-15T05:41:00.000-07:00

Are mundane chores preventing you from reaching your true potential--like becoming thin and famous? Over the years, I have found several ways to make routine tasks easier—especially for a lazy, always-on-a-diet person like me. If you're lazy too (or busy saving the world or raising children) and need some advice, or have a tip to share, please read on:

1. Gardening

Laziest way: Buy fake potted plants and put them outside. That's usually what I do--I’m not kidding! It mortifies my mother who is a true gardener, but for drive-by's, I doubt they can tell the difference (one winter, however, I was too lazy to put my red begonias inside so they me gave away as they sat there getting faded yet still blooming in the snow).

Lazies who want to make an effort: Buy plants from a friend’s plant sale fundraiser and hire your friend’s kid to plant them (at least you're maintaining friendships when you do that). Warning: you’ll have to pray for rain all summer long or you’ll be out there watering them every few days.

2. Maintaining/cultivating friendships

Laziest way: Just give up. I saw a movie recently where the leading lady said, “I can’t have girlfriends, because then I'll have to remember their birthdays.” (By the way, if your friend is a true friend, she would just self-address a card and give it to you a week before her birthday.)

Lazies who want to make an effort: If you’re too lazy to enter your friends’ birthdays on a google calendar that can be set to remind you, then you’ll have to be thoughtful other times of year. For example, if your friend produces a CD, buy it, or if they approach you with a catalog from their child’s school fundraiser, buy something. If you don’t need it, give it away as a gift. If you can’t afford to buy anything, promise them that when you have to do a fundraiser, you won’t bother them!

3. Cleaning

Laziest way: Hire a housekeeper who doesn't speak your language (so they can't blab to all your friends about what a slob you are).

Lazies who want to make an effort: Get rid of all knickknacks—be honest, you never dust them and they cover your table surfaces that you need for piling papers on. When people ask you what you want for birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc., ask them to clean your house for a couple of hours or to hire someone to clean it. That way you get what you really want and you are making it known to everyone that you just can’t handle doodads in your house.

4. Meals

Laziest way: dine at a drive-thru.

Lazies who want to make an effort: it’s all about the crockpot and pre-washed salad, canned/frozen vegetables and prepackaged soup mixes. Never fall for those crockpot recipes that make you sauté or brown something first—we’re trying to save steps here. I am getting my “weight loss” crockpot recipes from a free weight loss site I joined (they give you a diet and track your weight—if you’re honest when plugging it in) at: http://www.sparkpeople.com/

Sorry, there’s no getting out of going to the grocery store. But if you’re buying a lot of frozen and pre-packaged, chemical laden foods like I suggested, you probably only have to do major grocery shopping once a month since that kind of food lasts forever!

5. Christmas/Hanukkah Cards

Laziest way: Just say “No!” (But you better be in mourning or sick or something--otherwise, your friends WILL be offended unless you all agree beforehand not to exchange greetings.)

Lazies who want to make an effort: If you’re bad about remembering birthdays, then you really have no choice—you must send holiday greetings. Other than sending a form letter or a family/pet picture postcard, the easiest thing to do is to send an e-mail with the excuse that you are saving trees or on the cost of postage in order to donate to some noble cause. Right after 9/11, I used the anthrax scare as my excuse!

Readers: Please post your advice in comments--thanks!

How To Have a Party

2011-07-15T04:39:00.002-07:00

Mystic Pizza & Beyond: Seafarer's Trail: How To Have a Party in Mystic: " Jim and I just hosted our first Memorial Day Weekend party since moving to Mystic from New York last summer. None of our new ..."

How to Boat "Mystic Style"

2011-07-15T04:39:00.001-07:00

Mystic Pizza & Beyond: Seafarer's Trail: How to Boat "Mystic Style": "by Lisa Saunders I have never been accused of having style. But I do know how to get on a boat—especially since moving to Mystic. But I..."

How to Get Cast in a Mystic Film

2011-07-15T04:39:00.000-07:00

Mystic Pizza & Beyond: Seafarer's Trail: How to Get Cast in a Mystic Film: "Didn't get a part as an extra in the movie, Mystic Pizza , staring Julia Roberts? Weren’t asked to be a zombie in the recent movie filmed at..."

How To Get a Job: Five Steps

2011-07-15T04:37:00.000-07:00

"How To" Workshops: How To Get a Job: Five Steps: "by Lisa Saunders (my next 'How To Get a Job' workshop is at the Mystic & Noank Library on Wednesday, June 15, 2011, 5:30 pm.) 1. Just lay..."

How to Promote Your Business

2011-07-15T04:36:00.001-07:00

"How To" Workshops: How to Promote Your Business: "by Lisa Saunders The steps for getting good publicity for yourself or your business are different (and usually cost less) than paying for a..."

How to Get a Job (or start a business?)

2011-07-15T04:36:00.000-07:00

"How To" Workshops: How to Get a Job (or start a business?): "Mystic Pizza and Beyond: A Seafarer's Trail: How to Get a Job (or start a business?) : 'Dear Readers, I just returned from walking my beagl..."

How To (and Not To) Dye Your Hair on a Budget

2011-07-15T04:35:00.000-07:00

"How To" Workshops: How To (and Not To) Dye Your Hair on a Budget: "by Lisa Saunders Dear Readers, I just got rid of the grey stripe down the middle of my head with the help of a high school student in th..."

Introduction: The Lazy Person's Guide to Home Management

2009-12-23T03:16:00.000-08:00

Laziest way: Buy fake potted plants and put them outside. That's usually what I do--I’m not kidding! It mortifies my mother, who lives in my neighborhood and is a real gardener, but for drive-by's, I doubt they can tell the difference (one winter, however, I was too lazy to put my red begonias inside so they me gave away as they sat there getting faded yet still blooming in the snow).

Lazies who want to make an effort: Buy plants from a friend’s plant sale fundraiser and hire your friend’s kid to plant them (at least you're maintaining friendships when you do that). Warning: you’ll have to pray for rain all summer long or you’ll be out there watering them every few days.

2. Maintaining/cultivating friendships

Laziest way: Just give up. I saw a movie recently where the leading lady said, “I can’t have girlfriends, because then I'll have to remember their birthdays.” (By the way, if your friend is a true friend, she would just self-address a card and give it to you a week before her birthday.)

Lazies who want to make an effort: If you’re too lazy to enter your friends’ birthdays on a google calendar that can be set to remind you, then you’ll have to be thoughtful other times of year. For example, if your friend produces a CD, buy it, or if they approach you with a catalog from their child’s school fundraiser, buy something. If you don’t need it, give it away as a gift. If you can’t afford to buy anything, promise them that when you have to do a fundraiser, you won’t bother them!

3. Cleaning
Laziest way: Hire a housekeeper who doesn't speak your language (so they can't blab to all your friends about what a slob you are).

Lazies who want to make an effort: Get rid of all knickknacks—be honest, you never dust them and they cover your table surfaces that you need for piling papers on. When people ask you what you want for birthdays, Mother’s Day, etc., ask them to clean your house for a couple of hours or to hire someone to clean it. That way you get what you really want and you are making it known to everyone that you just can’t handle doodads in your house.

4. Meals
Laziest way: dine at a drive-thru.

Lazies who want to make an effort: it’s all about the crockpot and pre-washed salad, canned/frozen vegetables and prepackaged soup mixes. Never fall for those crockpot recipes that make you sauté or brown something first—we’re trying to save steps here. I am getting my “weight loss” crockpot recipes from a free weight loss site I joined (they give you a diet and track your weight—if you’re honest when plugging it in) at: http://www.sparkpeople.com/
Sorry, there’s no getting out of going to the grocery store. But if you’re buying a lot of frozen and pre-packaged, chemical laden foods like I suggested, you probably only have to do major grocery shopping once a month since that kind of food lasts forever!

5. Christmas/Hanukkah Cards

Laziest way: Just say “No!” (But you better be in mourning or sick or something--otherwise, your friends WILL be offended unless you all agree beforehand not to exchange greetings.)

Lazies who want to make an effort: If you’re bad about remembering birthdays, then you really have no choice—you must send holiday greetings. Other than sending a form letter or a family/pet picture postcard, the easiest thing to do is to send an e-mail with the excuse that you are saving trees or on the cost of postage in order to donate to some noble cause. Right after 9/11, I used the anthrax scare as my excuse!

6. Pets
Laziest way: Don’t get a dog! They’ll urinate on your new wall-to-wall carpets and shed all over, making you look more of a slob than you actually are. Just learn to say, “No Dog!” to your kids. (Plus they might accidentally harm a young child--I was a afraid a dog would jump on my youngest daughter, Elizabeth, who was disabled.)

Lazies who want to make an effort: Offer to get your child an ant farm or some other small, confined creature. Not wanting to appear completely unyielding to my oldest daughter’s yearly pleas for a dog, I made her a promise: “If God brings a dog to our door, then you can have it.” Well, you can figure out what eventually happened! And of course, this 100-pound dog’s shaggy, black fur made cleaning an even bigger challenge for a lazy housekeeper like me (don't worry, he never did hurt Elizabeth but became her faithful couch companion instead). The following is an incident that happened when preparing for a “girls night out” gathering at my house:

Not wanting the gals to be disgusted by Riley’s kinky black hair wrapped around chair legs and rolling across the floors, I decided to do a thorough vacuuming job. I had to do it fast, however, because they were coming over within a half hour. The food was laid out, delicate wine glasses face up ready to be filled, and water and cinnamon was bubbling in a little blue pot on the stove to disguise the doggy smells.

Suddenly I had a brilliant idea! Our leaf blower could blast all the hair to one corner of the house in seconds! Then I could quickly gather it up. Energized by this innovative thought, I flung open the mudroom door that led directly into the garage. Beholding the machine that would clean my house in an instant, I wondered why no one else had ever thought of this before!

Collecting the leaf blower with its long, orange outdoor electrical cord, I dragged the contraption through the mudroom. Plugging it into a kitchen socket, I pondered a second career for myself—move over Martha Stewart! Adjusting the nozzle toward the floor, I flipped on the switch. The machine sprang to life with a loud resounding WOOSH. And POOF! The dog hair vanished. But not where I wanted it to go! It wasn’t racing tidily toward one corner of the house. Instead, fluffs of it flew high into the air. It landed on ceiling cobwebs and clung to them. Black hair also settled on top of the salsa, hummus, and tortilla chips and gently drifted into the wine glasses. Not exactly what I had planned!

I wiped as much of the hair off the table and counter surfaces as I could before my guests arrived. Just as I was blowing the hair off the food and out of the glasses, the doorbell rang. Once my friends were all seated, and had eaten their fill, I entertained them with the account of my leaf blower disaster. It felt great to make them laugh. I decided, however, that in order to keep the giggles going, it would be best not to burden them with the fact that I’d turned on the blower after their food and wine glasses were already laid out.

The account of Riley's hair and my leaf blower is an excerpt from Chapter 19 of my memoir, “Anything But a Dog! The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV (cytomegalovirus).” If you’d like to read Chapter 1 of “Anything But a Dog!” or see photos of Elizabeth and Riley relaxing together on my couch, visit: http://www.authorlisasaunders.com/

If you have any "Lazy" tips to share, please post it in "Comments" below or e-mail me at saundersbooks@aol.com

Lazily yours,

Lisa Saunders

Publishing on Web sites

2009-12-02T15:25:00.001-08:00

Don't forget that getting published on Web sites can get your work out there. An animal shelter just posted my story of how a lazy, homeless dog became my disabled daughter's companion: http://www.hitor.org/pages/stories.html

When you offer your work for free, you are usually allowed to place your web site at the end.

Self-Publishing an E-book

2009-11-28T03:39:00.001-08:00

The following tip on self-publishing an e-book is from http://www.u-publish.com,
the Web site named for the compact guide to self-publishing and promoting books by Dan Poynter and Danny O. Snow.

I get their free e-newsletters and so should you. Go to their Web site to subscribe or
Subscribe at:news-request@u-publish.com
Subject=subscribe

Newsletter Excerpt:

===> Lead Story: e-Books going wild?Recent developments in e-publishing suggest that the growth of e-Books seen in 2008 - 2009 continues to gain momentum. Consider these recent reports:Amazon has started selling the Kindle in Europe. There are reportedly now more than 3 million Kindles in use, and growing.The iPhone and iPod Touch jointly boast more than 50 MILLION users. In October 2009, the Apple "Apps Store" reported more downloads of book-related items than game-related items for the first time. Rivalsmartphones like the G3-Android and the Palm Pre will add millions moreusers, hungry for content to download, in 2010. Smashwords.com has announced new deals that will let its users sell theirbooks at Fictionwise.com (a Barnes & Noble property) and Amazon, although for now they lack copy protection. Lulu.com now allows users to upload EPUB files (as well as Word files, PDFfiles and other formats) then sell COPY-PROTECTED e-Books in Adobe DigitalEditions format from their site. For now, Adobe Digital Editions with copyprotection won't run on the iPhone, but...
###

If you want my free e-book on "How to Get Published," visit the button to your right where it is available for downloading.

Networking to Get Published/Get a Job

2009-11-24T10:28:00.001-08:00

I haven't been posting lately because I've been busy networking--telling everyone I know that my husband and his entire department are being laid off. While my husband is busy e-mailing his colleagues from over the years, I'm busy posting his resume on my Web site, resume sites and asking everyone I know that if they know anyone in the pharmaceutical industry, to please let us know. I've been surprised by some of the contacts that some of my friends have. This is also a great way to get published. Tell everyone you know that you have a story about "x,y,z" and that you'd like to know of any Web sites, magazines, newspapers, etc., that might be interested. You'll be surprised by the responses you'll get. That is how I got my first couple of stories published.

Famous: Tip #11--Approach Program Coordinators

2009-11-09T03:55:00.000-08:00

When speaking to a program coordinator, it never hurts to ask, "Do you usually pay an honorarium?" Although they may have been hoping to save their budgeted funds for other events, your question will prompt them to consider it.

Program coordinators are willing to take a chance on you as a public speaker if they can sample your lecturing style. One program coordinator was kind eneogh to tape my lecture on "How to Get Published," edit it down and post on Youtube. See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OjTb4sSaf8

See my tips on getting published in my free e-book listed under the buttons to the right.

Famous: Tip# 10--Become a Public Speaker

2009-11-07T03:02:00.000-08:00

Your potential publisher wants to know that you'll promote your books. Aside for online social networking, you need to get out from behind your computer and make yourself available as a public speaker. Ask libraries, bookstores, colleges, clubs, etc., if their group would like you to share your story or your expertise on a particular subject. At first I didn't charge, which made me a very appealing speaker. Soon I was getting so many invitations to speak that I began charging (only two of my talks are free, the rest I charge for unless it's for a club that I'm personally involved with). Program coordinators like to see exactly what you're available to speak on and your rates before they begin seriously considering you. I narrowed my topics to a one page flyer (see:http://myweb.ecomplanet.com/SAUN6703//Talkswithphotoandcontact.doc) and let them know that my rates are based on locations within 20 miles of my home in Suffern, N.Y., and that I'm negotiable for further distances:

“Writer’s Open Mike” (No charge)*
The first 20 writers to sign-in prior to the start time can read their work for up to five minutes. All genres are welcome including memoirs, fiction, essays, poetry, screenplays, etc. Writers will have a chance to network and authors will be permitted to sell their books. The event is coordinated by Lisa Saunders, writer for the State University of New York at Rockland and author of several articles and books, including the free e-book, How to Get Published. See her work at: www.authorlisasaunders.com

“Avoid Infections That Attack Unborn Babies” (No charge)*
The "kitty litter" virus isn't the only infection that pregnant women need to guard against. Learn the blood tests to ask for and how to protect unborn children from a variety of diseases including the #1 viral cause of birth defects--congenital CMV (cytomegalovirus), which causes more disabilities than Down syndrome. Few women have heard of it and half of OB/GYN's surveyed admitted they don't warn their patients about it. Presenter Lisa Saunders, Congenital CMV Foundation parent representative and author of Anything But a Dog! The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV, didn’t know about CMV prevention until her daughter, Elizabeth, was born disabled by the virus in 1989. Saunders will also discuss the other infections listed by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) as hazards for pregnant women. See her work to stop CMV, as well as the work of doctors and other parents, at: http://congenitalcmv.blogspot.com
(CDC’s list of infections and precautions: http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/pregnancy_gateway/infection.htm)

“How to Get Published” ($150)*
Author Lisa Saunders will cover the publishing process for articles, memoirs, children’s fiction and adult non-fiction. She will discuss finding an agent, publisher, or self-publishing, and writing query letters, book proposals, and building an audience through Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn. Her free e-book, How to Get Published, is available on: http://howtogetthinandfamous.blogspot.com/

“Ever True: A Union Private and His Wife” (Talk: $150; Play $250)*
Charles McDowell married Nancy when she was 15 years old. Enlisting as a private in the New York 9th Heavy Artillery, he asked Nancy, then 17, to save his letters. Despite his grueling battles and marches, he was able to save hers as well. Together their letters include tales of desertions, hangings, prostitutes, venereal disease, bullets, typhoid fever, lying injured on the battlefield for days, and “clever women.” Lisa Saunders will either tell the “back story” to compiling the letters for her book, EVER TRUE: A Union Private and His Wife, or she can present the three-cast play. Visit: http://www.authorlisasaunders.com/

Children’s Workshop: “Ride a Horse, Not an Elevator” ($150)*
Author Lisa Saunders will present Cornell University’s 4-H program, “Horse Book in a Bucket,” which includes information on horses and her novel, Ride a Horse, Not an Elevator. Lisa will cover the process of writing and her experiences as a New York City girl living on the 16th floor and visiting her grandparents’ farm in upstate New York. Visit: http://rideahorsenotanelevator.blogspot.com

Lisa Saunders
saundersbooks@aol.com
Lisa Saunders is a writer for the State University of New York at Rockland, a member of its Speakers Bureau and the Congenital CMV Foundation parent rep. She is the author of the humorous book, Anything But A Dog! (true story about homeless canine and her daughter disabled by CMV); children's novel, Ride a Horse, Not an Elevator; book and play, Ever True: A Union Private and His Wife and FREE e-book, How to Get PublishedWeb: http://www.authorlisasaunders.com/Blog: "How to Get Thin and Famous (or at least published!)"

How to Get Articles Then Books Published | eHow.com

2009-10-17T02:36:00.001-07:00

I posted the following article on e.how.com. That is a great way to build and audience.

How to Get Articles Then Books Published eHow.com

If you're just starting out, you might as well know the truth now--you have to be "famous" (at least well-known) to get published by a major publisher. At the very least, the magazine or book publisher needs to know you personally or know your best friend personally to consider your manuscript. It is difficult to convince them to take a chance on an unknown unless you have unique credentials to cover a topic that fits in with their general themes. One intern at a major, glossy magazine finally told me what I always suspected, "We never read unsolicited manuscripts."So, if you're not famous, or somehow "in" with a major publisher, you'll have to start with a small one. Follow these steps to work your way up to national magazines and book publishers:

Step 1
Build your portfolio by offering a story for free:
I finally began earning money as a freelance writer when I called a local magazine and offered them a story I did on a friend who beat the Guinness World Record time for paddling down the Mississippi River. The editor replied, "That sounds very interesting, but we have a limited budget and won't be able to pay you." I assured him that was fine. I just needed to get my foot in the door. The editor later assigned articles that paid. From there, other editors read my articles in the magazine and began calling me.

Step 2
Contact editors by name at national magazines:
It's almost pointless to send a query letter to an editor without addressing it directly to them. I find up-to-date contact information by sitting on the floor of bookstores and libraries and skimming through magazines looking for the names of the current editors, or I call publishers to find out who the submissions editor is.

Step 3
Write a query letter that proves to the editor you know their magazine:
The query letter introduces you and your work to a publisher. I've had the most luck when I begin the letter commenting on an article or book they've published or by launching right into my story. For example, one successful query letter began: "Inevitably, most kids ask for a dog. And who can blame them? Dogs like Lassie adore you, keep you warm when you're caught in a blizzard and drag you out of burning buildings when you're unconscious. But by the time we’re adults, we’ve learned the truth: dogs urinate on your new wall-to-wall carpets; dig holes in your leather recliners to hide their rawhide bones, and bite your neighbor’s kid."

Step 4
Learn how to use a digital camera:
Magazines and newspapers need images to make their pages come alive. I always offer to provide the photographs or image myself. In one case, for a historical piece, I told the publisher they'd find the ideal image to go along with Shays' Rebellion in the New York Public Library image database.

Step 5
Get out from behind your computer and network:
Meeting people in the industry is important. You can't spend all your time behind your computer and expect to be "discovered." Attending a writer's conference or taking a writing class improves your chances finding work. My journalism instructor at the community college helped me find work at her newspaper.

Step 6
Give readers topics they want--but stay true to your voice:
Only when you have developed an audience can you can branch out and truly say what you want to say. When it came time to write the humorous account of how a homeless dog found his way onto my disabled daughter's couch, I wanted to find a publisher first before finishing my harrowing search for just the right pet. Having learned that I needed to think about what publishers are looking for, I analyzed the market, including who my "readers" already were and who I thought they would be, and wrote a book proposal for my memoir, "Anything But a Dog!" The book proposal worked and "Anything But a Dog!", which is truly my "voice" telling the story I wanted to tell, found a publisher.

Extra Tip
If you are writing a non-fiction book, you'll need to learn how to write a book proposal--publishers want to see those before you submit your entire manuscript. My book proposal for "Anything But a Dog! The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV (cytomegalovirus)" is available for viewing on my blog, "How to Get Thin and Famous (or at least published!) at: http://howtogetthinandfamous.blogspot.com/

My book proposal incluces marketing ideas that you'll need for your fiction or non-fiction:
Excerpt of Book Proposal that secured a publisher for my memoir, "Anything But a Dog!"

Link to my e-how article:
http://www.ehow.com/how_5531986_articles-then-books-published.html?shared=true

Famous: Tip #9--Post Articles on Web

2009-10-15T04:09:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been coming up with stories to post on Web sites. I've been going through the procedure of getting articles published on ezinearticles and now on
ehow, which actually pays you (I think if people click on the ads on the page).
You can see my first "How To" article published on ehow at:

http://www.ehow.com/how_5527883_stop-birth-defects-virus.html

If you want to read my free "How to Get Published" e-book, look to the buttons on the right. My book proposal is also listed on the right if any of you have a non-fiction book you are writing.

Published: Tip #13--8 Tips For Getting Articles Then Books Published

2009-10-12T04:39:00.000-07:00

How to Get Published

If you're just starting out, you might as well know the truth now--you have to be "famous" (at least well-known) to get published by a major publisher. Unfortunately, I'm not kidding. (Don't believe me? Then how did Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell get published?) At the very least, the publisher needs to know you personally or know your best friend personally to consider your manuscript. It is difficult to convince them to take a chance on an unknown unless you have unique credentials to cover a topic that fits in with their general themes. One intern at a major, glossy magazine finally told me what I always suspected, "We never read unsolicited manuscripts."

If you want to get paid (or at least read by more than your mother), then you need to find a way to start writing about topics of interest to readers. Once editors and readers get to know and trust you, then you can start branching out with your own personal stories.
If you have a message that will inspire, make your readers smile, or teach them a truth that can change their lives, then you need to know how to get published with the least amount of wasted time and money.

Here's how:

1. Build your portfolio--local newspapers and magazines WANT to print your words

The easiest way to get your thoughts into print and begin gathering "your" audience, is to submit letters to the editor (don't forget to include your hometown when you do) and to submit stories to those free weekly newspapers and monthly magazines you see lying around. They are short staffed and welcome free stories with a good photo or illustration (thoroughly caption your image and only send them work that won't violate anyone's copyright).

2. Call local editors directly, offering a story for free

I finally began earning money as a freelance writer when I called a Rockland County magazine offering them a story I did on a friend in the area who beat the Guinness World Record time for paddling down the Mississippi River. The editor replied, "That sounds very interesting, but we have a limited budget and won't be able to pay you." I assured him that was fine. I just needed to get my foot in the door.

That article lead to my very first assignment (though still unpaid) from the magazine: "Will you go to Nyack and find people to discuss Russell Crowe's stay there while he's working on his current film in New York City?" I have to admit, it was a bit exciting to walk into bars with a reporter's notebook and pen and ask around if anyone had seen Russell Crowe. After uncovering a few "Russell Crowe" sightings, the magazine offered me the chance to write the cover story, "The 7 Wonders of Rockland," and I was to be paid! The response to the story was great--not only did people call the magazine asking for several copies to use as a sightseeing guide, but a local developer contacted me with an offer to write about the towns where they were building. They paid my expenses to sleep in a bed & breakfast and eat in fancy restaurants in order to review them. They also paid for my husband Jim's expenses in exchange for digital photographs of our travels.

Although this magazine and developer were paying me to write on a specific topic, I was still able to share my personal insights and "voice" within. The local magazine went on to hire me to write reviews of hair salons (thus I got a free haircut from a lady who styles the heads of celebrities), and other places in my area.

3. Contact editors by name at national magazines

It's almost pointless to send a query letter to an editor without addressing it directly to them. You can find an editor's name by flipping through the pages of the big general books like the "Writer's Market" and "Literary Market Place," which are probably available at your library or local bookstore. I've always found my updated contact information by sitting on the floor of bookstores and libraries and skimming through magazines looking for the current editors, or I call publishers to find out who the submissions editor is.

4. Write a query letter that grabs their interest right away

The next step is the query letter, which introduces you and your work to a publisher. I've had the most luck when I begin the letter letting them know I've read their publication or I simply jump right into my story, hoping to catch their interest in the first sentence. For example, this query letter landed me a publisher for my memoir, "Anything But a Dog!" It began: "Inevitably, most kids ask for a dog. And who can blame them? Dogs like Lassie adore you, keep you warm when you're caught in a blizzard and drag you out of burning buildings when you're unconscious. But by the time we're adults, we've learned the truth: dogs urinate on your new wall-to-wall carpets; dig holes in your leather recliners to hide their rawhide bones, and bite your neighbor's kid. So when my seven-year-old daughter Jackie asked for a dog, I said no. Our younger daughter Elizabeth was disabled and wouldn't be able to protect herself from a frisky animal. But I did make Jackie a promise: 'If God brings a dog to our doorstep, you can have it.' In the meantime, I offered her a hamster..."

5. Learn how to use a digital camera

Magazines and newspapers need images to make their pages come alive--and many have had to lay off their photographers. Offer to provide images with your story, and if that's not possible, suggest in your query letter an image they might want to consider. In my historical story, "The Hanging of Henry Gale," I wrote to the magazine: "After reading the article about the Revolutionary War in your June issue, I thought you'd be interested in my story, 'The Hanging of Henry Gale.' My ancestor Henry Gale was a captain in the war who later became a leader in Shays' Rebellion. He was found guilty of treason and sentenced to hang. I can submit a photo of his headstone and suggest an illustration of Shays' Rebellion from the New York Public Library image database."

6. Get out from behind your computer and network

Meeting people in the industry is important. You'll never be "discovered" spending all of your time at a desk. Attending a writer's conference or taking a writing class improves your chances of finding work. At 45 years of age, I finally took my first writing class at Rockland Community College--Introduction to Journalism. Not only did I finally learn that periods should be placed before the end quotation mark, but the instructor was a copy editor who helped get my work published in her newspaper. I also joined the 18-19 year-old student staff of the College paper and learned how write and edit for that. When the College had an opening for a writer in their Camus Communications Department, I was offered the job.

7. Give readers what they want--but stay true to your voice

Why do you need to please your editors/readers first when starting out as a freelance writer? Only when you have developed an audience can you can branch out and truly say what you want to say.

When it came time to write the humorous account of how a homeless dog found his way onto my disabled daughter's couch, I wanted to secure a publisher before spending the time finishing the manuscript. So, I wrote a book proposal (required when seeking a publisher for non-fiction), sharing my harrowing search for just the right pet and analyzing the market, stating who my "readers" already were and who I thought would also be interested in my story. My query letter interested a few agents and publishers enough to ask for my book proposal. One publisher liked the proposal, so we signed a contract and "Anything But a Dog!" was published.

8. Write from your soul.

When you write, write from your heart--really share your soul. Don't write what everyone else is writing. If you lay your heart bare, your readers may just find a kindred spirit in you.

Lisa Saunders, Website: http://www.authorlisasaunders.com.
Author of the books, "Anything But a Dog!"; "Ever True: A Union Private and His Wife" (also a play); "Ride a Horse, Not an Elevator" and the free e-book, "How to Get Published." I am a full-time writer for the State University of New York at Rockland, a member of its Speakers Bureau, the parent representative for the Congenital CMV Foundation and a STOP CMV area representative. My books are available through me, from the publisher, or through Amazon.com. See links to my books on the buttons to your right.

Famous: Tip #8--Newsletter from The Author Show

2009-10-09T03:14:00.000-07:00

Here is an excerpt of the newsletter I get from HelpAPublisherPublishYou.com. It contains the links for signing up to be a blog radio guest for "The Author Show" plus it regularly contains the contact information for publishers and agents. They don't inundate me with e-mail so I don't regret signing up. Excerpt:

Edition # 15

NEW...THE AUTHORS SHOW BOOK CLUB - Check It Out!

Welcome to H.A.P.P.Y., a eNewsletter brought to you by The Authors Show.

The Authors Show brings you this week's issue of the Help A Publisher Publish You (H.A.P.P.Y) eNewsletter. This free weekly newsletter, with new resources in each issue, helps bring authors together with publishers, agents and other industry resources. Anyone may receive a free copy of this newsletter when submitting the form at HelpAPublisherPublishYou.com, so pass it on to your friends, twitter contacts or those who could benefit from this information.

For the line-up of this week's author interviews and for interview requests, remember to visit The Authors Show, The Business Authors Show-NEW, The Children Authors Show-NEW, or The Christian Authors Show-NEW

Me again:
The rest of the newsletter has contacts for publishers and agents. If you want to read my free 17-page e-book, "How to Get Published," visit my buttons on the right under "My Books."

If you're a LinkedIn fan, (you really should be registered there--especially if you are a writer), I just started a group if you care to join:

How to Get Thin and Famous (or at least published!)

Famous: Tip # 7--Authors Show Now Booking Guests

2009-10-06T04:06:00.000-07:00

The Authors Show (Radio version) Now Booking Guests

I was sent this e-mail in case anyone is interested (I was on their blog radio show a couple of weeks back):
From: info@wnbnetworkwest.com
Subject: The Authors Show (Radio version) Now Booking Guests

We are now booking authors for guest spots on the RADIO version of The Authors Show, for authors in the CHILDREN and CHRISTIAN genres only. We also welcome children authors (with parental permission and supervision during interview).

Interviews are conducted by telephone and broadcast respectively on TheChildrenAuthorsShow.com and TheChristianAuthorsShow.com
Interested? please reply to this email and include: Book title+ subtitle Book genre& ISBN # Book synopsis(100 words max.) This will appear on the show page when your inteview is featured Year book published Your phone # Your website address - Note to publicists: this must be the author's website 3-4 preferred interview dates A photo of your book cover, and (optional) your photo - headshot preferred Reply to this email ONLY if you write in the Children or Christian genre.We will resume interviews in other genres in November.
All requested information must be provided with your email. Interviews are done at no cost to participants, with optional affordable marketing opportunities available for purchase if you wish to maximize your exposure beyond the initial broadcast. The optional program will be emailed to you with the guest selection confirmation. Danielle Hampson Executive Producer The Authors Show With each show, a new author & a new book!

Lisa here again: If you want to download my free e-book, "How to Get Published," you'll find it on the button to your right.

Published: Tip #12--Write Book Proposal FIRST

2009-10-05T04:02:00.000-07:00

Writing my book proposal before finishing my memoir, Anything But a Dog! (The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV), was the best thing I ever did. I wish I had written it before starting the manuscript because it would have forced me to focus on "What is my theme?"; "Who is my audience"; "How do I plan to sell it to them?" and "How many can I realistically sell?"

Writing a book proposal is A LOT of work, much harder than writing the book (in my opinion anyway). But once you have those key questions answered, it will force you to stay on track as you flesh out your chapters--and a book proposal is required when asking a publisher to consider your non-fiction book. The agony of a book proposal is summarizing each chapter--in a way that's as exciting as your entire manuscript should be.

Scroll down my buttons on the right and you will see my book proposal that landed me a publisher for Anything But a Dog! (The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV)--I was given permission to share it with the public. If you are more interested in other "How to Get Published" topics, then you'll see another button for my free e-book that can be downloaded in many formats through Smashwords.com.

I'm not alone in stressing the importance of writing a book proposal first (and I agree with Diane below--it's important to do even if you self-publish because you have to find ways to target and market it to a particular audience--enough to make someone spend money on it):

Published: Tip #12
"Write a book proposal first, before the book. Include the marketing plan. This will help you get focused on the right things, even if you end up self-publishing." Diane Eble, publishing coach http://www.yourbookpublishingcoach.com/, author of the free Author Success Plan minicourse

Famous Tip # 6--Ezinearticles

2009-10-03T02:25:00.000-07:00

I heard Ezinearticles has a good readership so I just edited a story about my daughter Elizabeth and how to prevent congenital CMV in order for it to fit their submission guidelines. If you care to see how this site works, see my story at: http://EzineArticles.com/?id=1794195, and consider submitting your own articles.

The more you publish, the more "famous" you'll become and get your message out there. I will soon be submitting articles to other sites to see if that adds to the visabiltiy of my cause.

If you would like more tips on how to get published or promote your work, download my free e-book, "How to Get Published," at: http://www.authorlisasaunders.com/mycustompage0009.htm

Published: Tip #10--Tie Your Memoir to a Cause

2009-09-29T03:54:00.000-07:00

One writer asked me something like, "How can I get a publisher interested in my memoir? It's just my life story."

Unless you're famous, you have a much better chance of getting your memoir published (or read if self-published) if it is tied to a "cause." For my memoir, Anything But a Dog! (The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV) it was easy to find a cause--CMV (cytomegalovirus), a common virus responsible for my daughter Elizabeth's birth defects (it causes more disabilities than Down syndrome). There are non-profit organizations geared towards research and public awareness, so finding a group to help promote my book wasn't too difficult. Although the book is primarily my harrowing search for one perfect pet for two very different daughters--one an intrepid tomboy, the other severely disabled, I do include interviews with the country's leading CMV experts and other parents at the end. Those who read it have been sharing it with dog lovers, women of childbearing age, and asking their libraries to purchase it in order to raise awareness in their community (mainly pregnant women need to be careful around the saliva of their own toddlers). Publishers need to know that kind of support is possible for your story.

Is your book about your divorce? There are organizations geared to helping women recover emotionally. About changing your career in midlife? About the loss of a child? Your service in the military? There are groups geared to all of those life experiences. I knew a women who had Italian and wine clubs interested in purchasing her self-published novel because she covered those topics in her story. Cornell University and Iowa State University purchased my self-published children's novel, Ride a Horse, Not an Elevator, to use in their state-wide 4-H programs because my story was about a horse. I'm sure you can think of organizations that will be interested in some aspect of your life story.

If you have a moment, I'd appreciate your advice on something. But if you don't, and you just came here to get my sample book proposal or my free e-book, "How to Get Published," then look to the buttons on the right. But if you do have a few minutes to spare, I would love to get your opinion about the following short story I just submitted to Ezinearticles.com. They are reviewing it now, but I do have about a week to change it. Now that my memoir has found a publisher, I must do the marketing I promised before signing a contract with them. I'd like to know, do you think this story will it cause a reader to want to know more about Anything But a Dog! (The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV)? Or do I give away too much?

"Loving Elizabeth--and Those Who Helped" (I'm open to a title change--any ideas?)

Expecting our second child, due to arrive Christmas Eve of 1989, had been a delightful experience. What a Christmas present! But the moment Elizabeth was born on December 18. I felt a stab of fear. My immediate thought was, "Her head looks so small--so deformed." Before she was twelve hours old, I found out why.

When the neonatologist entered my room the following morning, he said, "Your daughter has profound microcephaly--her brain is extremely damaged throughout. If she lives, she will never roll over, sit up, or feed herself."

He concluded that Elizabeth's birth defects were caused by congenital cytomegalovirus (CMV) - a virus that may have no symptoms for the mother, known as a "silent virus," or it may present itself with mild to severe flu-like symptoms.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that approximately 8,000 babies a year are born with or develop permanent disabilities because of congenital CMV. It is the #1 viral cause of birth defects--more common than Down syndrome.

How and why did I catch this virus that I had barely heard of? I read the CMV literature. It stated that women who care for young children are at a higher risk for catching it because it is frequently being shed in their saliva and urine. Pregnant women need to avoid kissing them on the mouth and sharing towels and utensils with them. Hands should be washed thoroughly, especially after wiping runny noses, diaper changes and picking up toys that have been in a toddler's mouth.

While I was pregnant with Elizabeth, I not only had a toddler of my own, Jackie, but also ran a licensed daycare center in my home. I felt sick at what my lack of knowledge had done to my little girl. In milder cases, children with congenital CMV may experience a gradual hearing loss, suffer some visual impairment or struggle with slight learning disabilities. But Elizabeth's case was not a mild one.

"My life is over," I thought. I asked God to heal her instantly, but since He didn't, I begged him to kill me and prayed to be crushed to death in an earthquake or struck by lightning. I just couldn't handle raising such an afflicted child, period. Although children are supposed to be a blessing, I felt far from blessed--I felt stricken.

Thankfully my husband Jim's love for Elizabeth far outweighed his grief. He said, "She needs me. I want to protect her from this cruel world she has been born into." He was just like Charlie Brown with that pathetic Christmas tree.

"Oh God," I prayed, "please help me love Elizabeth too."

Initially, whenever I looked upon Elizabeth, my heart broke afresh. I couldn’t see past her prognosis. The prognosis became more of a person than Elizabeth herself--it was a living creature relentlessly torturing me.

If I was ever to move forward and find happiness again, I knew I had to stop dwelling on the unanswerable questions that kept popping into my head like, "What will she be like in the future?"; “Why didn’t my OB/GYN warn me about this?” and “Why would God let me catch CMV?”

In those days after Elizabeth’s birth, all I could do was rock her and read the book of Psalms. Before Elizabeth was born, I really couldn't relate to the Psalmists. I thought, "Wow, those people are really depressed!" Now, I found comfort in their bitter questions, such as, "How long must I bear pain in my soul, and have sorrow all the day?" Knowing I wasn't the only one despairing of life made me feel less alone.

It took Elizabeth a couple of months to finally figure out where my face was, but then one day she looked directly into my eyes and smiled—we had finally connected! I gradually began to think, “If she doesn’t care that she’s severely mentally retarded, and, apart from a miracle, will never walk or talk, why should I be so upset?” Maybe it was the sedative Valium talking, but that thought stuck with me, even when I no longer needed “mother’s little helpers” to get me out of bed and into the shower.

Eventually, I no longer focused on Elizabeth’s disabilities, but on her abilities—her appreciation for being alive for one. Although she could not hold up her head or move her tightly clenched fists to reach a toy, she could hear and see—at least a little. She could not sit up by herself much less crawl, but she could sit for hours snuggled contentedly in my lap and study my face with her large blue eyes framed by long dark eyelashes. When I smiled at her, she’d break into an ear-to-ear grin in return, letting me know that my happiness with her was all she needed to be satisfied in this world.

It took about a year, but I eventually stopped praying that a nuclear bomb would drop on my house so I could escape my overwhelming anguish over Elizabeth's condition. Life did become good again. We were eventually able to move ahead as a happy, "normal" family. Even strangers played a part in lifting my spirits. One afternoon, struggling with Elizabeth’s wheelchair through the muck of an upstate New York county fair, I felt myself sinking into a depression because children were staring at my little girl who could not even hold up her head. “She looks funny,” kids said loudly to their embarrassed parents. In the midst of my dark thoughts, a heavily tattooed carnival man, who looked like he had been drinking for years, ran from behind his game booth and came right up to me. My alarm melted into tears of gratitude when he handed me a large, brown teddy bear from his stash of prizes and said, “I want your daughter to have this.”

One long-term nagging problem, however, began the day my older daughter, Jackie, asked, “Can I have a dog?”

I cringed. The dreaded day was here—all kids inevitably ask for one. And why wouldn’t they? Movie dogs like Lassie drag you from burning buildings and keep you warm when you’re lost in a blizzard. But by the time we're adults, we've learned the truth about them: they urinate on your new wall-to-wall carpets, dig holes in your leather recliners to hide their rawhide bones, and bite your neighbor's kid.

“No, you can't have a dog,” I said, bracing myself for the age-old argument. “We just can't risk a dog around your sister.” I hated admitting that. I didn't want her to blame Elizabeth for being so fragile. But taking care of Elizabeth was already enough work without adding a dog that might playfully nip at her.

I know! I’ll give Jackie the “lip-severing story.” That’ll convince her we can’t have a dog around her sister.

“When I was 13,” I began, “I talked Grandma and Grandpa into letting me have a Weimaraner. His name was Bogie—short for Humphrey Bogart—and he was a nipper. One day, my two-year-old cousin Suzannah was playing on the floor underneath the table with a Popsicle stick in her mouth. Bogie snapped at the stick and bit her lip off! My grandmother got the lip off the carpet and wrapped it in a paper napkin to take to the hospital. But it couldn’t be sewn back on. A surgeon fixed Suzannah’s face, but when we got home, my mother loaded Bogie into the back seat of the car and took him to the vet’s. I never saw him again. He took the ‘long walk’ as they say in the Lady and the Tramp movie.”

I paused so Jackie could let the horror of the incident sink in.

But all she wanted to know was, “Where’s Suzannah’s lip now?”

“Gosh, I don't know! The last time I saw her lip it was stuck to the napkin, all shriveled and mummy-like on my grandmother’s bookshelf. But that’s beside the point; can't you see how dangerous a dog could be for your sister? She can’t speak—how would she call out to us if she was in another room and the dog was bothering her?”

If there were a Lassie-like dog out there, Elizabeth more than anybody could use one, but I just couldn’t take that kind of a chance on an animal that could live up to 13 years.

After many tears and arguments, I finally made Jackie a promise: “If God brings one to our door, then you can have it. How’s that?”

“Really?” she asked, a smile spreading across her face.

“If one shows up at our door, I’ll assume it is a sign from God that it’s a special dog who will be gentle around Elizabeth.”

“Mom, I love you!” She threw her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.

I felt bad—all I had really given her was a bit of hope. Jackie actually thought a dog would show up.

Perhaps there was a compromise to a dog? There must be a pet out there that wouldn’t hurt Elizabeth. A goldfish? I mean other than a freak accident, like it flipping out of its bowl and hitting Elizabeth in the face, the thing couldn’t possibly hurt her. A hamster? They are entertaining—running around and around in a hamster wheel with no clue they aren’t going anywhere. Maybe Elizabeth could enjoy a hamster too. She was incapable of holding it, but she might find it amusing to watch it run in its wheel.

Perhaps a spinning hamster would make Jackie forget about a dog—the way my parents thought getting me Bogie would help me forget about boys…

Of course what happens next is a whole other story!

Lisa Saunders
P.S. If you would like to read the account of Elizabeth's life growing up beside her tomboy sister and a series of dysfunctional pets, please see my light-hearted memoir, Anything But a Dog! (The perfect pet for a girl with congenital CMV)," published by Unlimited Publishing LLC.

My books are available through me (write to saundersbooks@aol.com), from the publisher, or through Amazon.com