We have received and given ourselves mixed messages over the years.  We have needed to fit in and yet wanted to pursue our curiosities and multiple interests.  We have had challenges in working well within a company.  We easily get bored after learning the new job.  We seek innovative options on each joy.  We want to make an impact and make things happen – resulting many times in frustration because of the resistance or barriers.  We try to remain quiet in meetings while our minds race with ideas and possible solutions galore.

We decide to contain our talents and do our job as expected.  After all, we are doing ok and have a good job.  We have made it from most people’s perspective.   Yet there is this dissatisfaction and unrest?  What’s missing?

Or……   We were frustrated with high school and did not give it serious attention or dropped out.  We have managed to get a job or are bouncing around still trying to find something that will hold our interests.  We need something to stimulate us or something that creates a little excitement.  Sometimes, what we do or become involved in, challenges the rules and authority – a little adrenalin rush.  We jump from one thing to another – not sticking to anything.  Our frustration and restlessness continues.  We shrug off the statements,” you have so much potential – why don’t you do something with your life”.

Do any of these statement ring true for you?  You may be a multi-talent that is MIA – missing in action.  You may be side stepping your talents and not meeting your own needs.  Join in the FREE Teleclass on May 16^th at 7 pm MDT / 9 pm EDT.  Sign up for the free newsletter to get the call in details.  See you then.  What is your experience?  What questions, thoughts do you have? Leave a comment.

As a gifted female there is also the questioning, the doubt, the fear of being found out, the imposter syndrome.  We can list our accomplishments for a portfolio and still minimize any accomplishments.

As a Multi-talent we have tried many thing and done things differently than the status quo, tried and true tail of success.

Then as a female we have made decisions based on raising children which interrupted the steady career climb.

We gave gathered a significant amount of knowledge and experience.  Yet recognition of skills and abilities are limited because of not having the right degree, the right training, the right credentials, for trying something different.   We have done all that is required for the job previously, but it does not matter, the screening process (computerized) has already ruled us out.

We have a mission, a vision to make a contribution, but are we an expert?  We share out ideas, thoughts, knowledge and experience.  We see what others are doing and have done.  We have our expectations for ourselves.  The question continues to arise – are we there yet?

Another facet of the question arises – Can you get there?  Do you have what is needed?  Do you have what it will take?  Does what you have to say have value?  How can you reach others that can utilize your knowledge and experience?  Will what you have to offer help others?

Yes, you are getting feedback that you co do it and what you have to say matters.  Then that little voice quietly says:  who are you fooling?  Who do you think you are?  Yeah, you did some pretty neat stuff, but you’re nowhere near there.  At your age, you should be ______.   Fill in the blank.  You don’t fit in.

How do you rectify the dilemma?  How do you know you have arrived?

What does your heart want?  What is your vision?  Have you described your destination in detail?  Have you worked backwards – knowing what it will take right before you arrive and each step backwards that allows the next to happen?  Have you connected with a support team?  You need support and a countering voice of encouragement and brainstorming for solutions.  You need to know you are smart.  You are good.  You do have value.  You are real, not an imposter.  You have gifts to give and are responsible for giving them.  You are needed.

Yes the roller coaster of emotions strikes continuously with intensity.  Honor them.  Know each emotion is real.  However, manage the emotions and intensities versus them managing you.  Have a pity party or a hard times party – to the max.  It will revitalize you.  Be fearful – it is what keeps you safe.  Be smart and outwit the fear by breaking the forward movement down into miniscule steps that present no fear only confidence of accomplishment.  Action is the best means of dealing with fear and doubts.  Make it happen today for you and for the world!!!

Is there value to continue?  Does it matter (to me or to those I wish to serve)?

Yes, life does happen and goes on – many other factors then the focus.

Challenges, rough spots, distractions, but mostly tired – can I stay the long haul?  Is it worth it?  Do I want to?

Is it laziness?  Is it giving up?  Is it fear of success or failure?  Is it frustration with -  the time it is taking, what feels like the lack of progress?

Do I really have something to offer?  Should I settle for status quo?  Mediocrity?  Not worry about making a difference?  Live and let live?  Do the work that is necessary and play?

It is not boring.  It is challenging.  Am I up to the challenge?  Can I persevere?  What do I really want?  Has the flame of passion burned out?

My shell of emotional protection is stretched to the limits.  The feelings are back on the sleeve of my armor.  Can I manage with this degree of vulnerability?

I usually smile and fake it until I make it.  Am I beyond the point of taking it lightly, putting on a performance?

Questions of value, worth, desire and motivation arise?  Am I a quitter?  Dreams are crashing?  That is not unusual if dreams do not become goals and action is taken.  Is there life beyond the struggle?  Life is a struggle – or an active not stagnant, ever changing adventure.  There are possibilities.  What is my story line?  Do I need to change my story line?  Adjust my attitude?  Do I need to reach out and touch someone?  Ask for help?  Connect, so as not to feel alone?  What is my expectation?  What do I see as others expectations?

A thousand questions.  A thousand feelings.  What will I decide?

It can be a small detail, yet you know it has an impact on others.  It does not fit or feel ‘right’ for who you are.  Then you dwell on it.  It affects everything you are doing.  It colors your mood.  It is hard to shake off.

You take action, because to release the internal quandary you have to do something.  You apologize.  You offer alterative suggestions, actions.  Or you process with due diligence so that you can learn from the experience and hopefully not repeat.

You need to mediate the internal feeling of devastation, inadequacy, self-doubt, disappointment in yourself.  This comes from not acting at the moment, acting ‘incorrectly’, being distracted and then realizing what took place, responding spontaneously and then receiving additional information.  Ahhh, I am smart enough not to be so dumb.   Yes, the perfectionism tendency impacting.  Also, the ethical standards one hold oneself to are impacting.

Have to develop strategies to manage the downward spiral of emotions that this triggers.  First is the feeling, yuck, the pit in my stomach, depressed.  Recognize and then clarify what was the trigger.  Be careful not to over analyze.  Determine what action, if any, is desired and beneficial for all concerned.  Take the action; address the negligence, inconsistency, the error.  Process the scenario and figure out alternative reactions, responses, actions.  This will provide options as you encounter similar situations.

Then breathe!  Know you are not perfect.  You are human.  Mistakes are how we learn.  We fell down many times before we learned to walk.  Let go of guilt, self-doubt, and decease in the self-flagellation.  Honor the experience.

The idea of play we want to look at is an activity used to relax or refresh the body and the mind with the element of total and complete joy and happiness, pure fun.   You need to define what is play for you – what brings you joy, happiness and will be recalled as a delightful memory.

Here are some more examples of what play is:

D.C. Wincott:  “play is a creative state of withdrawal from everyday life”.

Lots of people say:  “my work is my play”.

Barbara Brannen:  (just one her of thoughts) “Play is something that gives life sharper focus.”

Institute for Play is devoted to the research and education of people about the importance of play for good mental health.

We need to play.  Play, even as adults, is a way to learn and know more about ourselves.  Heart play – that which brings us joy, a full life, a life of love – truly benefits our heart – physically, emotionally and spiritually.    The idea of play is such that you feel so good you grin from ear to ear.  You are not numb to the world.  You experience exuberance.

C. Wyatt Runyan: “We don’t stop playing because we got old, we grow old because we stop playing.”

Barbara Brannen: “Where is the joy in our lives?  Play unlocks that mystical, magical place so wonderful that we want to stay there forever.  Joy is one of the main reasons we play.”

We play to heal – wounds, fatigue, overwhelm, stress, boredom.  Curiosity is one of the elements to help us explore the playground of our lives.  Play provides resiliency to deal with life’s challenges.  Play rejuvenates our spirit and our bodies.

How we define play also is in our attitude.  Whatever, brings us joy in the moment is part of our play.  We need to build those moments, that attitude into our daily routine.  It is like taking a stop on the road trip and stretching.  Every day is a road trip and moments of play, experiencing joy, is a stretch break, an attitude adjustment, a de-stressor.

Yes, we need to plan in bigger breaks also – specific activities, being with different people, trying new things, pursuing a new interest, accomplishing a goal.

We forget how to breathe properly – holding our breath when we think or concentrate, are angry or scared, or are in pain.  Practicing breathing exercises so that we remember to breathe in different situations helps us to have control and greater relaxation.  So does play.  We need to practice play, little moments and big opportunities.  We need to practice to remember how to play and increase the joy in our living.

Multiple interests and responsibilities can seem like a barrier to play – rejuvenation.  However,  defining play for you and practicing play in moments lets the ball roll and the joy that is under every pebble shines through.

Figure out your play.  Join us at the free Teleclass on April 18^th, 2012 at 7:00 pm MT (9:00 pm ET).  You can get the call in information by signing up for the newsletter.

What do you do for play?  How does play fit into your life?

I understand specialization.  I understand having standards to protect the clientele.  I also understand turfdom, protecting one’s territory to minimize the competition.  I also understand the “good ole boy” network, pre-selection, favoritism with an allusion of best choice for the position.  New blood is what we need for innovation as long as we create the façade of change and leave the way it has always been done in place.

Yes, change is difficult.  Implementing change is a challenged.  Yes, leading from within is possible, and altruistic.   There is a point where, hitting your head against a brick wall gets old.  Yes, communication and facilitating others to use their abilities and further their ideas, is the team approach and a way to move mountains.

However, the process is so tiring.  Ah, yes, never give up, persistence and perseverance.  However, facing status quo, routine process, mediocrity, being sure everyone is aboard before proceeding, gets very old.

The question arises – why bother?  Life is to enjoy.  Beating your head against a wall is not enjoyable.  Settle into the routine.  Do your best, which is a must for your own survival.  Let the rest pass around you, it is all good enough.  After all who are you to think you are so smart?  Who are you to think you can make a difference?  Why do you think you can succeed, when so many do not?

Yes, you are facing another challenge.  What is the goal you really desire to pursue?  Is there another path leading where you want to go?  Have you reached out for support?  Have you made connections with like minds?  Have you changed your storyline?  What is the next step in the direction that moves you forward and with joy?

All the clichés can be said – you are unique, one of kind.  What you have to offer, no one else can offer.  And so on….  The self-doubt comes from your experiences and beliefs.  You have the ability to turn the stone over and decide what will be written on the other side.   Isolation is a dream killer.  Realize independence must be integrated with interdependence to succeed.  Cry out in pain and ask for help.  It is a strength, not a weakness.  Self-doubt like any feeling is an assessment point and a tool for finding the “how to” for whatever it is you are doing.  Action is what brings the flow of exuberance.  Life is not the still point but knowing the center of the gyroscope and the various directions available for movement with balance.  Self-doubt, a fear recognized and faced.

As typical I had odd jobs through high school, college years of cooking, sewing, and campus tour guide.  Initially out of college I was a medical scheduler for anesthesiologists, temp worker for Amoco Oil, cook for a Dude Ranch, and a kitchen designer.  My first “professional” job was a counselor for an all-male maximum security prison.  Then, back to school for a Master’s degree which lead to employment with a private rehabilitation company.   I was with them for ten years in at least five different positions.

While I worked for the private rehab firm, I experienced some of those critical career choices.  I obtained two more degrees, another Master’s and a Doctorate.  I held various field positions and mid-management position.   The time came to make major choice – regional management or family.  My spouse preferred small towns and had SAD (we had moved to Washington State).  The regional position was in Portland, OR.  Did I want to prove myself (or in this case also follow the dream) in a regional management position or as a successful wife and mother (yes I had one son at this time).

My values for family were stronger than the desire for a career.  That is true, but there was also the dynamics of the ‘shoulds’ – a woman should per her family first, a woman should meet her husband’s needs.  Also, the doubt, could I perform up to the expectations – what if they found out I was not as smart/good as they thought I was.  As years went by there was the question – could I have done it; and the regret – how much did I give up career wise.

Did I make the wrong decision?  No, the choice was important at the time and what I believe was ‘right’ for me at that moment was done.  Did I way all the factors objectively?  Of course not, it was my life and I was emotionally invested.  It was the road I traveled at that time on this journey of life.  It was the story I was telling as Stephanie Tolan would say.

Transferred back to sunny Colorado and had another son.  I was still with the private rehab firm.  I continued to make sure the family was taken care of.  The dynamic in my personal relationship with my husband was rocky.  He did not have any confidence in raising children and was minimally involved.  I reached a choice – an opportunity – the private firm did not want a contract and I could take it on my own – so I did.  As contracts go – there is no guarantees.  I had lots of exploration with self-employment.  And I learned some interesting lessons.  I was deeply committed to my two sons (both gifted).  I was active in coaching academic teams, scout leadership, youth bowling league coordinator, etc.  My career choices were consciously made to support my sons.  There was the should, but I was passionate about supporting my sons and youth.  There was not a conflict with my dedication to activities, events and the caring of my sons.  The conflict arose as different career choices were made during this time and the expectations of my spouse.  “I should go to work and get a real job” versus continue with self-employment.  By this time I had changed careers and was practicing wholistic health as an acupressurist and teaching classes.  I continued to do some rehab counseling.

Then came a critical career choice – starting the Academy of Healing Arts with a community group.  I was highly interested in alternative medicine.  I did it for the community and then let it go.  Was that altruistic, smart, selfless, self-doubt, family vs career, proving I could and then off on another tangent of desire?  Yes, it was a mixture of all those aspects.

I was proving leadership abilities vocationally and avocationally.  I was being recognized, but not filling fulfilled or meeting my potential / expectations.  Yes, I was in the midst of the mid-life crisis.  I had not lived the American Corporate Dream – successful upper management by mid-40s.  I had not lived up to the American Family Dream – a divorce, single parent with two teenage boys.  I had made choices of “real jobs” (Director of Social Services at LTC facility, Clinical Director for at risk – Youth Program, contract with Fed agencies, etc) – leadership positions.  I proved I could support myself and do the jobs of mother and “work” successfully and simultaneously.  My dreams were intermingled in all that I did.  But, what was my purpose?  I had not achieved “success” in the career realm in reaching a peak and preparing for ‘retirement’.

With two young men in college and a single parent (yes their father was providing required financial support), I had to make another critical career choice.  I had been in private practice and cash flow was good but not consistent, so back to a “real job”.  {You can probably tell by the tone of my writing that I have the entrepreneur bug and prefer working for myself versus a boss.}  So, I went to work for the state.  The job is a good enough job, but not where my heart lies.  It involves my interests and abilities.  However, the agency environment is confining and frustrating.  A critical career choice – again!  There are a lot of changes taking place within agency.  I have put my hat in the ring for upper management to lose out to the expected winners.   Now another key upper management position is open.  Do not know enough who might be in line for the position.  Most of the players have been assigned key positions (re-organization to make a plateau of high management decreasing the hierarchy in the division).  Do I want to go for the position to make a statement within the agency – no expectations of getting the position, know I can do it and am qualified; now willing to relocate and doubt if the agency is willing to consider a serious telecommute position.  To apply requires time and energy – this is the question do I want to prove myself- is that why I want to do this?  I can do it.  I can make a difference.  I know I will not want the position indefinitely.  I am at a point where the private niche practice, consulting, teaching is beginning to roll.  The future is open for the private dream.  The options of what I can do will continue to vary.  There will be struggle and growth and not guarantees.   Safe choice or dream choice, both are forms of proving myself.  Which is the real dream I have for myself – corporate achievement or personal expression?

What choices have you made?  When have you proven yourself?  When have you gone after your dream?  Are they one and the same or at odds with each other?  Share your story.  Make a comment.

Each time I reviewed a checklist and found a connection that seemed to match it added clarification and provided more questions.  The questions emphasized the complexity of being human and being high ability.  Questions provided the time to explore inner workings and the connections of how all things that made me worked together and independently at the same time.

Having answers, knowing what is to come seems desirable, but the true discovery is being able to ask the questions and be content with knowing the mystery is part of the magic and the answers will be the transition to science of understanding.  The wonder, the awe of the moment can be transformational.

The reality of fear and uncertainty enters in with each question – will I find the answer?  — will I be able to take the next step?  — will I experience my dreams?  — am I worthy?  — am I real?  Yet, observing the breath, letting go allows for new understanding to seep into the being and not knowing the answer is ok.

If all life is energy, is light, is void, is unknown becoming known then am I defined conclusively by what I know at the moment or can the story be told differently?  Just as the question arises that the experiment is changed by the observer, can I not then be both subject and observer?  Can I not with the questions open the definition of who I am using the knowledge and understanding to rediscover and redefine the development of my potential?

There are the esoteric wanderings and wonderings that provide leaps of faith, concepts, ideas and connections.  There are balancing realities and responsibilities to survive, interact, and ride the fullness of life.  Perfection is not the focus, but the ability to know that what is can and does change and we can be the master of our life.

A master is always learning, practicing, creating, developing, exploring, seeing, connecting, discovering and thus living. So I will continue on my adventure of self-discovery developing the mastery of who I am and the life I have to live.  To life!

As a multi-talent, you have many interests, many things you enjoy, many things you are good at – so the questions comes up, what works for me?  When you are looking at a career, a job, or a business there are several approaches you can take.

Look at your many talents and interests and find the common thread.  The common thread can be connected to a feeling or a value.  Thus there does not have to be a “logical” connection.  It is also like connecting the dots in a dot to dot picture.  Each individual dot does not let you see the pattern of the picture.  However, as you connect the dots the big picture comes into focus.

To not be confined you can use A talent as your income stream and have a variety of avocational interests you explore – different days of the week, one a month, or one every 2-3 years – whatever works for you.

You can also delve into a certain area for a certain period of time and then make a change and plan for just that.  This can be a totally different area that you immerse yourself in or stepping stones that are connected.

You can look at a company, an environment or a situation and ask, how can I contribute to the betterment or expansion?  You can also ask what other talents can I use in different ways to expand my opportunities or involvement of where I am.  This can translate to being a linch pin as described by Seth Godin, a person who leads from within.

Looking beyond job titles is important.  Looking at the skill sets and talents you enjoy using so that you can combine interests.  You can do what you do well and do it in an environment that elicits other interests you have.  Such as an accountant in the Forest Service – combining being good with numbers and the love of the outdoors.  Open yourself to a broader perspective to create the opportunity for a stimulating enjoyable environment for you to contribute.

What can you create – opportunities, environments, businesses, products, services, art by combining your many talents and meet your needs and those of others.   Think about.  Comment below and join the Teleclass on March 14^th!!  (Details for the teleclass are in the newsletter).

Capt. Ackison describes – a slip as a slight deviation from the plan or a mistake that is not consistent with the end goal.  A lapse is a series of slips, and a collapse… well… that is back on the couch.  As Capt. Ackison says, if we quickly identify the slips we avoid both lapses and collapses and not derail our goals.

To correct slips (and yes even lapses and collapses) it is important to know the why of our goal.  The why is the intrinsic motivation.  The why is what value and benefit reaching/completing the goal has for us.  Are the benefits greater than the concerns?  The concerns can be time, money, energy, fears (yes, being scared to take the next step in the unknown), or even a simple as disrupting our current routing.  The benefits – the value to move forward – are our reasons for doing it  (not anyone else’s’ reasons).

Even with strong motivation staying on track can be a challenge.  Fear and survival kick in.  It is tough to do the uncomfortable or the unknown because that may not be “safe”.  Our self-protection is initiated and dissuades us from taking the next step because we are unsure what the result may be.  It is scary and the “what ifs” raise their ugly faces.  As in the SMART goal system you need to be specific.  In addition, breaking the goal down into steps a backwards flow plan.  Asking what has to be done right before the goal is achieved and before that – who, what, when, where – needs to be done to the tiniest step that you can do today.  A little step is easy to see as being doable.  Fear is out-smarted and you can take a step.  Forward movement creates an energizing effect that perpetuates movement.  Hooray!

Another challenge that can interrupt our movement and dissipate our commitment is feeling all alone in our pursuit.  We are humans and connections make a difference.  Having a buddy or a support team provides encouragement and accountability.  Someone to take the journey with us provides the opportunity to – be understood as we struggle;  be held accountable; have a celebration for progress; brainstorm ides for obstacles; and for you to do the same.

Yet, a side trip may have its advantages also.  First recognize you are off the most direct path.  Then look at the factors surrounding the change in route.  Is it fear, hesitation, lack of energy; or is it curiosity, new interest, an augmentation to the goal, a more fined tuned niche, an unexpected connection, or a leap in the goals direction?  If it is one of the latter, integrate it into your plan and run with it or define it further seeing where it takes you.  Parallel paths are acceptable.  Refining the goal and pathway is part of the journey.

Remember slipping, lapsing, and collapsing are not an end all.  Heighten your awareness and your strategies, and keep stepping.  What goals are you working on?  Who is your support?  What is your plan?  What is your next step today?