How To Love: An (Ab)normal Couple's Synthesis

New Year Notables

2013-01-05T15:53:00.001-05:00

Well, we have said goodbye to another wonderful year together and it was full of beautiful experiences, heartfelt conversations, intense disagreements (just one or two), and a growth of love that neither of us could have ever imagined. Let's flashback for a second shall we?

I have seen the bond between Perry and Nia grow and multiply exponentially; she has always liked him, but I think she realized last year that he's the one to keep around. She accepts him and he accepts her for who they are and it really is a beautiful thing to witness as a once single mother.
He did end up receiving the new Violence Prevention position and even better, found great inspiration for his novels in doing so.
During his short time in that position, babe landed a new job that's is pretty much directly related to his graduate studies to become a mental health counselor and I couldn't be happier for him.
We took 3 trips to the beach last year, which was perfect considering I hadn't been since 2005.
Babe took me to my first professional football game to see my favorite team, the New Orleans Saints, play (and lose) to the Carolina Panthers.
I took him to Baltimore to meet pretty much my entire family and they accepted him with open arms.
We moved in together and now we can both call this place "home".
We celebrated our first "anniversary" in the most simple way, just spending time together.

The list could go on and on, but based on the year 2012 was, I know that in this new year, 2013, even more wonderful bonds, relationships, experiences and conversations will be taking place. We have a pretty full agenda we've set for ourselves this year.

We'll be sending Nia off to Kindergarten, she's so excited about that.
Nia's ready for us to put our "fancy clothes" on and have a wedding. Although I'm not sure we'll make it to that milestone this year, I do foresee my "title" changing in this relationship from girlfriend to something more.
We're both going to be in another year of graduate school, motivating and supporting each other's professional passions of education and mental health and learning about both.
He'll be working diligently on his novels while...
I continue to work on my Resume Business (www.resumerevamping.weebly.com).
We want to write children's books together as well, so hopefully we can get that ball rolling.
We're planning another (and hopefully long-term) move to one of the Northern cities of where we work.
Getting back to the beach will be great. Because I just KNOW that he's taking me back for my birthday again this year.

Geez, I'm sure we've got more on our agenda that SHOULD get done this year, but there's just no telling with us, we're unpredictable. Happy New Year to you around the world, make it as prosperous and positive as possible!

Love,

The Platypus Family

I Can't Wait.

2012-10-27T23:43:00.000-04:00

My one and only Perry J,

I’ll finally be back at home with you tomorrow and I can’t wait. This has been the longest 6 days of my life without you! I hope you had a productive week while I was away; mine was quite redundant. It was just up and down the highway to chill in a hospital room every day. But to see the smile on my dad’s face when we walked into his room was totally worth it. You could just tell he needed us there with him for him to feel alright.

He’s recovering quite well but Monday will be the true test. On Monday we will know if and when his feeding tubes can be removed and he’ll be able to swallow and digest properly. If the test doesn't give the expected results he’ll have to have another procedure done to assist in the loosening of that stomach muscle so that food can pass through his system. I really do hate to see him like them; having to leave the hospital each day this week without him coming with us was truly a hard thing to do.

It was also quite the reflective week for me too in the sense that I honestly do believe that true love is real and necessary in life. To see my parents interact this week has been validation of this; soul mates exist and it’s possible to end up with your very own. I could see that they wanted each other to just be alright and happy and were willing to do whatever it took to ensure it. My mother is diligently doting upon dad making sure he has everything he needs to get his good health back; my father is helping my mother stay strong and keeping her stress levels down because she needs to be well in order to help him get well. It truly is a beautiful thing to observe quite honestly.

After watching this all week long (and reflecting on how it looked when the roles were reversed during my mother’s own cancer recovery 10+ years ago), I can say that I know you and I would be the same way in this situation and any other that arises. After years of not knowing if it could happen, I do believe that I've found my soul mate in you and I love that I can say it without hesitation. I know that we would go to great lengths to ensure each other’s well-being and that our own personal happiness is contingent upon the happiness we see in each other. I love you PJ, we’re less than a day away from being back together, and although this time apart hurt me deeply because I was missing you, it’s opened up my eyes to what we are destined to be become and I can’t wait.

Love you.

There’s Something About Her

2012-10-05T00:04:00.000-04:00

It is Anniversary Eve and I’m absolutely clueless about where to go with this. Every possible way of conveying my admiration for her has been exhausted in person. It just comes off as especially redundant in written form. Maybe some novel insight into our relationship will come of this, maybe not. But above all, my chief aim for any of my entries is to convey my complete admiration and love for every aspect of her.

As we drew closer to the one year mark, I found myself reflecting on a lot of the changes I have gone through as a result of being in this relationship with you. I feel that I have evolved so much simply from witnessing the example you set for your daughter as well as your students. One of the central purposes of being a good person is to inspire good qualities in other people and I am grateful to say that the life you lead has added new dimensions to my altruistic attitude. I feel like I’m more inclined to seek simple ways to bring a little light to people’s lives on a daily basis now. Previously I had become absorbed with ways to help people on a larger scale and would subsequently become cynical about the hopelessness in achieving meaningful change on such a large scale. While that definitely still matters, you have a more healthy approach to altruistic behavior that stipulates that one must do what they can in the here and now regardless of the bleakness that life seems to offer at times. You don’t indulge my more cynical impulses and that is a reflection of your pure sensibilities that I truly admire.

But don’t get me wrong to say that this relationship has been effective at smoothing out some of my rough edges may be slightly on point but it’s a drastic oversimplification of what this relationship is symbolic of for me personally. But to avoid diving into the realm of pretentiousness I will just say that we are not much different from anyone else when examined individually. I’m a 25 year old with an extreme passion for hip hop, movies and writing while she’s a passionate teacher, excellent mother with a very solid goal to help Spanish speaking populations. Our worlds couldn’t be more disconnected but whatever the fuck this, it seems to make sense. I don’t quite know why there’s just a lot to her and I’m glad that we click the way we do so effortlessly.

I love you Kia, Happy anniversary.

Organically Us...One Year Later...

2012-10-04T18:19:00.001-04:00

There’s this guy I know and I must say, he’s incredible. The smile on my face has been there since our very humble beginnings. I can remember our first conversation quite vividly as if it happened yesterday. Was it 6 hours? it could have been longer. I just know that we were both hating life at work later that day. Only 2 hours of sleep because we just couldn’t hang up the phone. But oh how marvelous our conversation was, full of nothing and yet we covered everything under the sun. It wasn’t the typical “getting to you know” dialogue either, it was more along the lines of “I believe we all live in ‘The Matrix.’” followed by “Oh really? Well, uh…I like shoes, a lot.” Lol. Randomosity was highly prevalent from the very beginning. And if I’m not mistaken, just three days later we spent 8 hours (an overnight shift) in Oovoo video chatting and creating “columns” where we’d add qualities of each other. And it was also on that night that you ask me on our first date…for July 19, 2012 to see The Dark Knight Rises. I said yes, not because I cared to see the movie, but because you saw yourself hanging out with me 9 months in the future.

I fell in love you and all of your quirks because they somehow made sense coming from you. Coming from anyone else, I’d write him off as crazy and uninteresting, but with you, you’re so comfortable in your own skin, how could I not be comfortable with you as well? I love where our relationship has gone since then, one year later we’re just as happy and in love like we were back then. I smile just as hard when my phone rings just as I did last year. My heart is still “school girl giddy” over you just as it was back then. A quick reflection over what has come from our connection…let’s reminisce:

· We have profound, philosophical conversations about the simplest of concepts. “Who washes the dishes for the food network stars?” Lol.

· We still write each other love letters and leave each other cute little notes on the fridge just to say what’s on our minds.

· We still manage to find at least an hour (usually more) to spend talking to each other on the phone on the night’s we can’t be together.

· You still entertain my random questions and TRY to validate them with some type of answer just to appease me.

· We still tell each other “bed time stories” on occasion to fall asleep to.

· I’m pretty sure we still have “who can use figurative language better?” competitions.

· We still miss each other immediately after we’re apart.

· Nia has fallen in love with you just as much as I have. She’s probably more ready for you to marry me than you are. *wink*

· We have been integrated pretty successfully into each other’s families.

The list goes on and on, but for “only” one year together, that’s a lot to have accomplished. I can only imagine what else is in store for us. So happy “one year but the best year of romance I’ve ever had” anniversary Cuddle Bear. My heart has never known such joy until I met you. Our love is beyond genuine, it’s all naturally felt and expressed.

Simply put, our love is organically and innately established. I love you.

Happy Birthday My Platypus!

2012-09-05T22:02:00.000-04:00

Babe's Electronic Birthday Greeting...

This greeting personalized with Smilebox

I Love You Today Because...

2012-09-04T21:24:00.003-04:00

We have something called the "I love you today because..." statement. It's not something we give every day, but only when it crosses our mind. If he does something that just sparks the "Damn, I love him" thought, I disclose the reasoning behind it and he does the same. It's a very simple and endearing way to stay interested in each other because it's always not only great to know that you're loved but why you're loved as well. Little does my Perry know, for the past few days I’ve racked up plenty of these, harboring my urges to blurt my random reasons for loving him, specifically for this post. You see, tomorrow is Perry’s birthday. He’ll be 25 years old and I’ve been wondering how to express just how Nia and I love him on his special day. So I saved all of my “I love you today because” statements to compile this special list of all of the things that make him wonderful and lovable.

Perry, I love you today, your 25^th birthday, because…

· Being loved by you is magical, theatrical and fantastically amazing. There is never a dull moment when I'm in your presence. Simple things are all we need to be content with each other. Our moments are special just because we create them with each other.

· You're so dedicated to what you're passionate about in life. Whether it's your novels, your graduate coursework or our relationship, you always give 100% of yourself because they're what mean the most to you.

· You're so good with Nia. I don't think I thank you enough for what you do for her and with her. She really does love you, which goes to show how good of heart you have. You love her as your own and let her know just how special she is just by being so active and present in her life. Thank you.

· Your intellect is incomparable. You have this ability to express yourself so eloquently, with the most colorful vocabulary I've ever known a man to have. Your mind is able to comprehend the most complex of thoughts and your creativity goes beyond the typical human mind.

· Your affection is natural and from the soul. Every kiss, caress or glance sends the message of how much you love me. You're able to tell me how much you love me without even saying a word. Your actions precede your words to the point where they don't even need to be said.

· You have this skillful way in which you go about life, so meticulous and thoughtful. You never go into something without having thought about all of the possible outcomes, obstacles and results. You're actually quite organized in that sense; to a certain extent, you know where you want your heart, soul and physical being to end up in life with a unique way of getting there.

· You're a man of mystery to most, but for me, you're transparent. I can see your heart, your intentions, your motivation, so clearly. You’re open with how you feel about everything when you’re with me and I’m glad that the trust and comfort are there for us to make this a lasting relationship.

Happy birthday Perry My Platypus. This past (almost) a year with you has been the most enchanting, reflective and heart opening I ever could have experienced having with a man and I want the whole world to know just how remarkable you are. You’re awe-inspiring, influential and brilliant, I hope you have a day even a fraction of that today, I love you, now, tomorrow and always.

Love,

Kia (and Nia)

When I Grow Up...

2012-08-13T20:04:00.002-04:00

When I was a little girl I remember looking up to my parents thinking “I want that.” By “that” I meant the relationship I saw taking place between them. I could see just by how they looked at each other that the love they shared was real and that they would never leave each other’s side. I knew even way back then that I wanted to be loved just as my mother was; I wanted to be the friend and companion that my husband deserved. As I grew up, the more I reflected on my love life, the more I realized that I was looking for what they have and that’s why I was never happy. I never quite got it right in love, I had never met a man who was so doting over me like my father is to my mom. I had never found a man who I was so unconditionally and unconventionally in love with, willing to conquer all things to go to him and stay with him, just like my mother is for my father. For the past 25 years I’ve watched my parents interact and as I matured I’ve created a list of what I knew my relationship would need to be like to keep me in it:

· Love was the glue that made it all work, but it’s even more important to LIKE the one you’re with. You don’t need to have every interest in common to be happy, but the ones that mean the most need to be accepted and embraced by your partner regardless of their attitude toward it.

· Communication had to be open and honest, no matter the message or emotions it may spark. For a relationship to work, talk through your grievances until your conscious is completely clear, hold nothing back because it may be brought up later and become an even bigger issue.

· Make sure you discuss your major desires in life; if they don’t intertwine, you won’t make it. If you want children and your partner doesn’t, you can’t force it, you can’t change people, they can only change themselves.

· Support is NON-NEGOTIABLE! No matter how small or irrelevant the passion, never undermine it, it means more to your partner than you probably know and shunning it can ruin your connection forever.

· It’s okay to be affectionate. You never know what a simple caress of the hand or a kiss as you pass through a room can do for the one you love, or even for yourself.

· Date each other no matter how long you’ve been together. Take time out to be together, alone, doing something you both enjoy and reflecting on after the night is over, it keeps you young.

The list could go on but just from observation of my parents I knew that these were the bare minimum of what I’d need in a forever type love. Then Perry came along, the man who gives me all of that and more. He walks into a room and blows me a kiss. He asks me out on dates that are as simple as a trip to the movies, but the conversations we have after the movie are usually the best part of the date. We talk. Like REALLY talk. We can talk through any situation, be it our own or someone else’s. He writes me love songs and kisses me goodnight. He sends me “I miss you” texts randomly during the day. He loves Nia like his own, always making sure he makes her as happy as he makes me. He’s a beautiful man and I can honestly say that for once in my adult life, I’m secure and satisfied with him. My puzzle, although complex, is complete because of him. I’d go to the end of the Earth to make sure he was okay and not think twice about it. I respect his decisions, his thoughts, his heart, and I think that’s what matters the most. No matter the angle that I look at the future, he’s in it, and I’m smiling. I can only pray that this is the love I wanted as I child, the love that my parents raised me to desire for myself, because I don’t want to be anywhere but with him.

Looking ahead, our future is clear...

Climbing the Ladder

2012-07-16T11:10:00.001-04:00

Today is a big day in the Platypus household. Babe has a job interview for a position he could TOTALLY rock! Yes, he has a job now, but it sucks, immensely. He's miserable and comes home unhappy every day without hail. This is completely unacceptable for me. I need my man to enjoy what he does for a living and working in a place that's conducive to productivity and efficiency, neither of which is current place of employment has. So I've been like his little secretary; being that I'm on summer break for another month and he's the one working 8 hours a day, teaching (yes, he's a teacher who gets no summer break, strike one against his employer), I'm on the job hunt for him. I've managed to find some pretty decent job vacancies with persistent outreach. He knows I'm the job hunt pro, I mean, I've taught for 3 years in 3 different school districts, I know all about finding jobs and wooing employers in the education business.

So I've put together an awesome resume and cover letter for him and have been emailing and applying on his behalf like crazy. It's finally beginning to pay off, he has an interview this afternoon to be a violence prevention specialist (fancy title huh?!). And he's been getting phone calls and voice-mails more frequently that we're now int he process of returning because of course he's working when they call. That's the hardest part of it all, I can't answer the phone calls for him, just the email responses, and by the time he gets off work and is able to return their calls, they're unable available and he's stuck leaving a message in the hopes they the game of phone tag will end soon. But I am very hopeful for the interview he has today; his job has pretty much set him up to be successful at violence prevention, he does it everyday in his classroom of misfits. They'll love him and his courteous mannerisms and professional tone. They better, hehe. He woke up extra early this morning to head back to his folks' place to get his clothes ready. I even got up with him and made him breakfast, two scrambled eggs and bacon, the breakfast of CHAMPIONS and got his work things ready for him to go. I hate when he has to leave me in the morning not knowing when he'll be back (we don't live together you know), I miss him as soon as I begin to close the door *sniff*.

Anyway, I hope he knocks them dead and lands this gig because it'll definitely help him climb the professional ladder of mental health and youth counseling. He's really good at connecting with young men and neutralizing heightened situations between them, he's quite respected by the young folk ^_^. I can't wait to get the full update as to how it goes, it's not until 4:30 so I've got a while of anxiety to conquer until I hear about it. The only thing is, if he gets this job, he'll be working about 40 minutes in the opposite direction of where he is working now, which makes him about an hour and half offset from where I live, which translates to fewer contact days during the week. But I told him, he's at work more than he's in my presence so his professional is just as important, if not more important than the happiness of spending time together, I'm willing to sacrifice some us time for that. But that's for another blog WHEN he lands the job. More details to come...

Absence...

2012-07-01T23:43:00.001-04:00

Our most recent "episodes" in our notebook have been addressing how much we dislike having to schedule time with one another because of our personal agendas getting in the way. It (the notebook) really is a great way to cope with our situation sometimes. You would think living less than an hour apart from each other we'd see each other a little more, but twice a week is all we can salvage most of the time. And it sucks. Whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" lied. Yes, it’s very rewarding to be reunited with one another after each stretch of time apart but that’s not what makes our “hearts fonder.” Absence for us is as simple as a trip to the kitchen or going to take a shower…those minutes apart are even miserable sad to say. So absence and fondness for us has a whole different meaning because I’m sure this isn’t what they meant when they stated that quote.

So often I wish there were a way to see each other more, I hate missing him so much. I know, I know, you’re all saying, “Get a grip Kia. Live your life.” But I’ve done that. I’m at a point in my life where I’m finally ready to commit to someone else wholeheartedly, 100% with no backing down. And now that I’ve found someone I’m ready to “ride or die” for, we have to check our schedules first. I know it’s important to be patient, things will get better, but how do you cope with finally finding someone compatible and not being able to enjoy them the way you want, when you want? What do I do? I write, I sing, I clean, I do homework (gag), anything to get my mind off of the “absence.”

I could go out and try to have a social life, but every time I finally make a friend around here, they’re gone, relocated to another part of the world where we can no longer hang out. Spain, Japan, New York, back in Texas, just gone. I’m tired of losing good friends so I just stopped making them. I have one friend left here, I should really reach out to her more, but I can’t, and there’s a reason why (maybe in another blog I’ll address that issue). Man this blog is getting random, am I even addressing the topic at hand anymore? I digress so easily, it’s ridiculous. Anyway, find what works for you in your time of need; I probably wasn’t of much help with this blog but that’s okay sometimes. It helps just to type away all of my thoughts so that it’s one less thing to carry around on my shoulders for the day. I guess my lesson here was (or was supposed to be), it’s okay to miss the one you love whether it’s for a few seconds, a few days, or a few weeks; just make sure that when you’re together you value EVERY moment as if you don’t know when you’ll see each other again, your heart will thank you for it.

“Sometimes it is what it is…it really is.” – Jimmy McNulty

2012-06-26T23:34:00.001-04:00

I guess this blog is supposed to be informative, detailing exactly what it is that makes my special lady and I work so well. However, before delving into the mechanisms that strengthen our relationship, I would like to dedicate this first post to my beautiful Snuggle Bunny. She is a truly remarkable person and I can only hope that this post captures a fraction of how wonderful she is.

Kia is an amazing person inside and out and being in love with her has really augmented my perspective on the subject of love in general. The concept of love has been both disgustingly romanticized and cleverly lampooned in contemporary media. Between the bullshit fantasies Hollywood feeds us on a routine basis and the more cynical reflections Chris Rock gives us in a stand-up routine on occasion, there seems to be an interesting dichotomy that emerges in the various conceptualizations of love. Maybe Hollywood has socially engineered us to form unrealistic expectations in regard to the relationships “love” is fostered in, and perhaps Rock’s analysis of relationships is ostensibly a more realistic depiction in response to this. In short, Rock humorously characterizes the modern day relationship as one in which the man sacrifices all of his hopes and dreams in his new life mission to make a woman happy. While I am a firm believer that love is about sacrifice, I think it has to come from both ends to make a relationship truly work. Although, I would definitely sacrifice any and everything and place high importance on her happiness over mine, both of us have at least displayed an equal willingness to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship.

Kia is a tough one to pin down honestly. To even attempt to use quick blurbs to describe her would be a crime of the worst kind, but for today, I would describe her as a true cherisher of moments. I can say with certainty that nothing makes her happier than something as simple as spending time with the ones she cares about. She essentially lives to love people and she is very pure in that sense. It is because of this that, dare I say, Kia comes off as a little Hollywood. Surely everyone has flaws and idiosyncrasies that irk people, but for the most part, Kia is a little too good to be true. However, sometimes it just is what it is. The cynic in me would not want to believe that someone exists that loves as purely as she does, but she is emblematic of all of the best parts of humanity and I am grateful to have her play such a significant role in my evolution as a human being. So, between clichéd cinematic representations of romance and comedic meditations on the subject of love, my experience with Kia lends credence to neither. Every relationship is its own thing and we have to take various steps to make the best of them. I anticipate that Kia and I will enjoy making the best of ours for quite a long time.

(Posted by Perry)

Talk To Me.

2012-06-19T19:42:00.002-04:00

One thing I love about our "thing" is how open our communication is with one another. You'll hardly hear about us arguing; that's because we do a great job at thinking things through before addressing each other. Not that we ever get that upset with each other in first place. We've only skipped (to my recollection) 4 nights of not talking to each other in some form of communication. Our very first phone conversation was 7 hours long, we talked until 3 AM (I wake up at 5 AM!). Less than a week later we had our first "date" on Oovoo and it lasted from 8:30 PM to 5:30 the next morning, 10 hours! Unless we have a really long and stressful day, we still average about 2 hours of phone conversation per night. It's amazing how much we still find to talk about each night. Sometimes I ask the most random questions, "Babe, how does the cement in a cement truck not harden?" or "Baby, if dashing means to run quickly, why is it also a synonym for 'handsome'?" and all he can do is laugh and say "Right on top of that Rose." Fun times.

And what's even better, if we can't talk it out, we write. We keep a journal, a scrapbook of sorts where whenever we can't find the words to verbalize our feelings to each other, we can write it down. In our notebook we write each other love letters, apologies, I write him poems, and he writes me songs. Sometimes we even get goofy and have mock handwritten IM convos or take on different personalities and have them communicate with each other. It's crazy how in sync this notebook helps us become. On the inside covers of the notebook we keep other keepsakes from our relationship, although they may soon need to be moved to their own box or something, that binder clip can barely hold them all. Movie tickets, draft copies of letters and poems, refrigerator notes, all clipped inside our special book.

Our notebook, clever eh?

One song he wrote for me

Inside sample

Back cover keepsakes

If it weren't for our open communication and our ability to express our emotions honestly, I don't think our relationship would be so successful. It's so hard to make it through the week only being able to see him twice, but knowing that we have the evenings to chat it up on the phone at night or have an Oovoo date planned makes the days go by a little smoother. Talking with him makes all things seem so much easier to deal with. Even if other things in life stress me or him out, talking it out with each other takes the stress away, if even just for a minute. Try talking with the one you love, really talking, not yelling, and if that doesn't work, write them a letter (with full intention that they'll read it). Write down everything you're feeling, whether you're afraid to express it verbally or just couldn't find the words at first, your partner will appreciate it. I know I do.

(Posted by Snuggles)

Simple Things...

2012-06-15T19:41:00.001-04:00

Sometimes it's just the simple things that happen so nonchalantly that matter in any real relationship. His glimpses over at me as he drives, air kisses as he pumps gas, pretending to bump my arm on the armrest just to touch me. It's those little interactions that you don't really calculate that mean the most sometimes. It's because he does those things that make me smile and love him even more.

Finger in his hand as he drives towards the beach...

posted from Bloggeroid

The Internet is NOT evil...

2012-06-15T13:11:00.000-04:00

Anyone who says that meeting someone online is lazy, a scam, pointless; don't listen to them. That couldn't be furthest from the truth. It's about knowing what you're looking for, what site to use, how to promote yourself, and a few other guidelines.

I say this because, well, that's how Perry and I met. Late September on Black People Meet, I was going through an inbox of lame messages and flirts, ready to delete my profile because all of the men were old, ugly, unprofessional, or just wrong. But I decided to try one more search, and his page popped up. He was cute and I LOVED what I read on his page. We deleted our profiles so I don't have the exact quote but I know that he mentioned his expectations from the site, what his ideal woman would be, his educational status and his values. And I was intrigued. So, being that I had a full membership, I sent him a short message along the lines of "I like what I read, we should get together for a dinner sometime, and see if we hit if off."

Babe's Profile Picture: Instant Attraction Helps

Days went by and there was no response, I was beginning to think the feeling/attraction wasn't mutual. Bummer. Back to the drawing board. I was going to delete my profile, because I was beginning to believe all of the negativity said about online dating. I didn't log in for a few days, I figured I'd just have more older men or wannabe thugs leaving me winks in my damn inbox. Then I got an email, the subject read "Perry replied to your message." I immediately logged in and would you believe the only thing I saw was "Here's my number (digits), call me sometime." Bold move! I texted him immediately (yes, text, there was no telling if he were busy or not). And the rest is history (we'll cover it more in depth later).

Let me add, online dating is not for everyone. I say it’s more geared towards working professionals, people who are crunched for social time, people who don’t get out much.

I typed that all to say there's a certain way that internet dating works and I've got a few guidelines and questions to answer that I learned from it all:

1. Be honest about how you describe yourself, don't type anything you can't prove in person. Just think, why say something about yourself that you know will be looked for in the event you meet someone?

2. Know what’s important to you in a partner. If you have kids, what qualities must a man/woman have that’ll be suitable for you AND your child(ren)?

3. What do you value? Family? Education? Religion? Lifestyle?

4. What are you hoping to gain from the website? A relationship? A casual friendship? A potential lifelong partner? Choose a website that’s geared towards what you’re looking for? Why use a site that wants to lead to more marriages if you’re just looking for casual dating?

5. What do you want people to appreciate about you in a relationship? What do you have to ‘offer’ so to speak?

6. Upload a realistic picture of yourself. What would you look like if they happened to walk past you on the street? Don’t put up your most formal photo if you don’t strive to look like that every day, that’ll be the appearance people expect when meeting you.

Use these questions as a guide to create a mental checklist as you’re creating a profile. It’ll increase your chances of finding someone more compatible and help you weed out the “bad seeds.”

Let me end this by saying, thank you Black People Meet for allowing the (simple) communication between Perry and me. I couldn’t ask for a better partner who meets all of my expectation and vice versa. When used correctly, you too can have this success online.

(Kia's Post)

Introductions and Welcomes

2012-06-12T18:00:00.000-04:00

There's just something about being in love when it's real that changes your whole world. My boyfriend and I are best friends and it's heaven on Earth when we're together. We're not quite sure how it'll pan out right now but we hope to have a tip at least once a week based on something that he or I have done to make ourselves ask "Have I told you how much I love you today?" Believe it our not, we murmur those words multiple times a day and often with supporting reasons as to what led us to say it in that moment, it's beautiful. Before we jump into it, let us introduce ourselves:

Kia:

The girlfriend
26 years old
A mom (4 year old daughter)
An elementary teacher of English language development (3 years)
Has a Master's Degree in Education
Studying School Administration
Speaks, Reads, Writes Spanish
Poet

Perry:
The boyfriend
AKA the Platypus :-)
24 years old
Educator at a local Behavioral Treatment Facility
Pursuing Master's Degree in Counseling
Studying Mental Health Counseling
Matrix and Dark Knight fanatic
Songwriter

That's just the skeleton of who we are but hopefully this blog, from both of our perspectives will help you in your current relationship (if you really are in love) or to help you pinpoint what you could do to find true love for yourself. We decided it was finally time to share what we think makes us work so well and what we feel others should work on if they truly want to find real love. I won't start today, it's the first day of summer break and I'm all about rest today. Keep your eyes open and heart open, you never know when a key to true love with fall into your lap.

Peace and love.