BEASTHAMMER

Cock Blocker

2013-06-12T15:20:00.001-04:00

A couple days ago one of my friends called my other friend a cock blocker for not letting us crash his brother's sister-in-law's wedding reception... I couldn't agree more. What a dick move.

Scambaiter 1

2012-06-18T12:08:00.000-04:00

I am re-posting the Scam Baiter Series in chronological order so it's easier to read. It's been a while and I think this deserves to be revisited. For those of you who don't know what Scam Baiting is CLICK HERE for the definition. The Nigerian scam is the most popular where they tell you then need to use your account to funnel some money over into the United States using your accounts and for your troubles they will give you a percentage of the total which is usually in the millions of dollars. Enjoy as I waste a obscene amount of this loser's time for my amusement under my alias... Danny Copeland.

Scambaiter 2

2012-06-18T12:07:00.000-04:00

Ok, hopefully I can keep this jackoff on the hook a little bit longer than the last guy.

Scambaiter 3

2012-06-18T12:06:00.000-04:00

For now I seem to be corresponding with Mr. Tom Bello and hopefully I can keep him around a little longer...

Scambaiter 4

2012-06-18T11:56:00.000-04:00

I must be doing a good job so far because Mr. Tom Bello is still on the hook. This is now a special case because he has introduced a third party to our deal. He told me to let him know once I have heard from the bank in Lagos... well I did... and I stand to make millions!! Except, it is all fake. Keep up the hard work Tommy boy.

Scambaiter 5

2012-06-18T11:53:00.001-04:00

My latest reply:

Scambaiter 6

2012-06-18T11:53:00.000-04:00

This Tom fellow is good... he now wants me to contact an attorney he knows so we can get the proper documents together. I have no doubt that the lawyer's email belongs to Tom as well.

Scambaiter 7

2012-06-18T11:52:00.000-04:00

Now I have received a correspondence from the "attorney" and he sounds like a real player over Lagos. I hope he can help me and Tom out the way he says he can.

Scambaiter 8

2012-06-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

First of all, there have been some big developments in this particular scam with Tom Bello and this is where the scambaiting gets fun because hopefully I can keep stalling and anger this scamming douche bag to the point of suicide. I first received a letter from the attorney asking that I send $2,725 by Western Union to cover some of the expense he had in preparing the documents. Seems like a small price to pay for inheriting $25 Million. You can see how they become a little antsy when I don't confirm that I've sent the money. Enjoy...

Scambaiter 9

2012-06-18T11:33:00.000-04:00

No dice at the Western Union... hope this does not upset Tom.

Scambaiter 10

2012-06-18T11:30:00.000-04:00

This is getting hilarious... apparently Tom is becoming more and more religious and less and less concerned with the English language.

Scambaiter 11

2012-06-18T11:20:00.000-04:00

I feel my time with Tom is coming to an end. It is time for me to step up the trash talking and finish this one out on a high note. Below is our morning exchange...

Scambaiter 12

2012-06-18T11:00:00.000-04:00

I believe today is the day that I will end things with our friend Tom and get back to the normal Beasthammer postings. Here are some of the latest emails, the first is from me basically requesting that Tom send me a picture of himself preferably holding a sign with the words "Beast Hammer" written on it. Although I did not get what I was asking for he did send me a cute little I.D. card.

Scambaiter 13

2012-06-18T10:32:00.000-04:00

I don't know if Tom will write me back after this one but I just couldn't resist making my own ID Card...

And here is the picture of the ID I attached. Who knew Tom and Danny had so much in common.

Scambaiter 14

2012-06-18T10:31:00.000-04:00

Since Tom has not responded yet to my ID Card email I took the liberty of contacting the attorney to let him know that I have just sent his money.

Scambaiter 15

2012-06-18T10:30:00.000-04:00

The attorney has now written me back telling me that he sent his secretary to pick up the money from Western Union and to his surprise the money never came through. How could that have happened? I wrote him back saying that I suspected the secretary was a theif...

Scambaiter, Season Finale

2012-06-18T10:09:00.000-04:00

If you are reading this for the first time I would suggest going to the beginning of the Scambaiter series and starting there. It'll be worth your time... This is it. I have sent my final email to the scammer. It is kind of sad in a way because below you will see where the attorney sent me a picture of himself which reminded me that this could have gone on a lot longer. Enjoy my final reply.

MY FINAL REPLY:

Tom's final reply?:

My final request:

Swift Justice

2012-02-02T08:45:00.003-05:00

My friend Bert showed me this post on Facebook that was made by a guy we grew up with... awesome

3-4 Day Shipping part 4

2011-11-17T08:20:00.001-05:00

Katie from Boxwave has responded to my request for both a refund and a reshipment of my order. Unfortunately though, she couldn't meet my demands:

Katie @ Boxwave:

Dear XXXXX,

Thank you for your reply and kind words.

Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate your request for complimentary reshipment as well as a refund. As such, a full refund in the amount of $29.50 will be processed. Please allow 3-5 business days for this information to become available for review.

Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns!

Best Regards,

Katie
BoxWave Customer Service
http://www.boxwave.com

Beasthammer:

Dear K-Dog,

Am I reading your email correctly? Can you confirm whether you are or aren't sending me a complimentary Alligator Skin iPad cover for my troubles?

Warmly,

XXXXX

Katie @ Boxwave:

Dear XXXXX,

We aren't.

Best Regards,

Katie
BoxWave Customer Service
http://www.boxwave.com

Beasthammer:

Dear Katherine,

: (

3-4 Day Shipping part 3

2011-11-10T11:58:00.001-05:00

Finally, we are starting to make some progress on this whole debacle. Boxwave finally emailed me back about the status of my missing package (which included an iPad cover and a stylus) and offered a few suggestions for "making it right." I've attached their email below followed by my response...

Dear xxxxx,

Thank you for your email!

Unfortunately, we are unable to cancel your order as it has already been shipped.

I am sorry to hear that you have not received your order. I have confirmed with our Fulfillment Department that the package was shipped out via UPS on Friday, October 21, 2011 to the following address:

xxxxx
xxx xxxxxxxx xx
xxxxxxxx, NC xxxxx
US

As the UPS tracking information has not been updated, I have followed up with UPS and they have opened a tracer on the lost package.

May I ask if you are still interested in receiving these products? I would be happy to process a reshipment order with a signature requirement. However, I would also be happy to put through a refund for this order if you would prefer.

I look forward to your reply so I can further assist you!

Best Regards,

Katie
BoxWave Customer Service
http://www.boxwave.com

My Response:

My Dear Katie,

What's up G?! Thanks for writing me back and thanks for doing it with such enthusiasm! I know you did not particularly ask for this assignment and for that I must apologize. However, now is a big opportunity for you to step up and make a difference not only in my life but the millions and millions of people affected by this situation. I know, it's a lot to take in... I'll give you a second to take a deep breath and let the gravity of the situation set in....

Good. Now that we are both on the same page it is time to discuss this issue of whether I ask for a refund or for a reshipment of my order. You can understand the position this puts me in. Part of me would like to receive a refund and spend my money elsewhere but there is still a desire for me to actually have the products I ordered. This reminds me of a childhood memory where I was faced with a very similar situation. You see Katie, when I was the ripe old age of 6 maybe 7, I was quite the backyard Wiffle Ball star of my neighborhood. I believe on this particular day it was Game 5 of our neighborhood World Series and I was glad to be in my backyard and have home field advantage. It was just before the 7th inning stretch and things were really starting to heat up, not only on the field but also in my Incredible Hulk underwear. What I didn't tell you was that I had a terrible addiction to chocolate milk back then and nothing got my poop reactor working overtime like drinking a tall glass of the hard stuff and then hustling around the bases in the warm August sun.

I remember it clearly. I was on deck with one out and it was at this time that I had to make a critical decision. I could either A, run over to the hedges by the back door, pop a squat and make it back just in time to hit the go ahead double into the gap OR I could go with option B and try to hold back the flood gates until the next inning but I would risk destroying my underwear and self esteem on a hard slide into 2nd base... After carefully weighing the pros and cons I went with option A. To this day I think I made the right call but what I failed to realize at the time was that my father had been standing in the kitchen window and witnessed the entire horrifying deuce dropping. He was not pleased. He laid into me so bad with his belt that not only was I unable to finish out the wiffle ball game but I was forever cursed with a fear of belts which now explains my elastic dress pants.

I guess what I'm trying to say Katie is that I'm afraid to make the wrong decision here. I think the best thing to do in this case would be for me to go with option A and B. I would like you to go ahead a process a reshipment of my order but I would also like a refund. And... if you would be a little lamb and throw in one of those alligator skin covers for my iPad I would be forever grateful. I'm glad we were able to work this out Katie, you're not only a good person.... you are now my friend.

Respectfully,

xxxxxx xxxxxx

3-4 Day Shipping part 2

2011-11-07T10:32:00.000-05:00

These jerk bags still haven't responded to me...

3-4 Day Shipping

2011-11-04T09:18:00.003-04:00

The Making of Kenny

2011-10-07T10:47:00.001-04:00

Enjoy...

Behind the Scenes Look

2011-10-04T13:46:00.000-04:00

I thought you folks would be interested to see a behind the scenes look at how these Microsoft Paint "masterpieces" are created. They require lots of man hours and lots of actual work avoidance. Enjoy.

A True Sausage Party

2011-09-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

Sorry for my absence lately but I have been very busy working on my latest installment of the Kenny the Cab Driver series. If you haven't had a chance to read the first two yet I recommend scrolling down and catching up on those first before continuing.

Apparently Kenny the Cab Driver is a pretty popular guy around these parts and awkward stories about him keep popping up now that he has been exposed here on Beasthammer. The other day I was hanging out at my friend Burt's house with him and his cousin Vance (except for Kenny, real names have been omitted to protect the innocent) and Burt and I starting talking about the whole D-Money incident. It's about this time that Vance over hears our conversation and chimes in, "Oh y'all talking about Kenny? The gay cab driver?" Once his assumption is confirmed he begins painfully reciting a Kenny story of his own.

Twas the night before Christmas... no seriously though, it was actually Christmas Eve a couple of years ago and Vance and his buddies were drinking heavily over at one of their houses. Later that night the unthinkable happens and they run out of beer. Being responsible young men they decide not to drive for a beer run and start brainstorming some alternatives. One of the guys whips out a business card for "Kenny the Cab Driver" and having had a ride home from Kenny in the past this guy knew how EAGER Kenny was to please. They give Kenny a call asked if he would run by a gas station, pick up a case of beer and come drop it by their house. He didn't even put up a fight. Within a half hour there's a knock at the door... they open it and find Kenny standing there and apparently Kenny decided to go the extra mile. This guy's standing outside the door with not only a case of beer but he's got a sausage and cheese platter in the other hand. Vance said it looked like he had sliced up the sausage with his car keys and the cheese was all "melty looking." Kenny invites himself in the house in an effort to "hang with the boys" aka give them all HJ's but after about 5 minutes of awkwardness he is politely eased back out the door. Bless his little heart... he was just looking to have a "White Christmas."