How to Recover: Comebacks from Traumatic Brain Injury

To recover or not to recover, that is the question

2012-01-07T20:59:00.007+13:00

If you're reading through my musings here and haven't yet picked it up, there is one fundamental thing I hope you take away from this blog. It is this: as a recoverer, it's your decision to recover or not to recover from your brain injury!

A brain injury can give you a hell of a kicking! And it will be a kicking the an effect of which others can only guess at. My TBI certainly did. This is me, almost seven years ago.

I stayed in roughly that condition for a long time, too. This photo is taken approximately one month on from my accident.

Yet, do we have it within ourselves to choose to recover? I cannot talk with confidence about what pulls us through when life hangs in the balance. Once we're through that stage, though, I hope all of us recoverers believe absolutely, it is our choice to recover. I've dedicated these last seven years of my life to proving this is so.

Five years on from my accident, I ran home an Ironman from a triathlon that had long been a goal.

Last month, I graduated with a Master of Arts from Victoria University of Wellington after writing, having written an 80,000+ word thesis to complete it.

I believe it is up to us to choose to recover. I hope you will join me in making that choice and that the posts on this blog will help you for it.

Cheers,

Mike

Talking through people skills

2011-12-09T10:43:00.001+13:00

I was recently asked by a fellow recoverer if I might write a post about re-developing people skills following a brain injury. Two things make me happy to oblige: I myself am very much a "people person" and I remain committed to helping those recovering from brain injury. What I think will help other recoverees out is talking through people skills in depth with a family member or empathetic therapist.

People skills are of course essential to how we get on life. Yet, they can also require a particular sort of brain power, including a strong sense of other people. For example, there are a whole host of conceivable answers to simple questions like, "What shall we do tonight?" Choosing the best one requires an appreciating not only the context, but also the person asking the question. Following a TBI, it is no surprise if recoverers have trouble with this sort of thing.

What I think's needed to help recoverers re-learn people skills is someone to carefully discuss people issues with. A family member might be the first port of call. However, if a good one of those isn't on hand, I'm very confident that many empathetic therapists would love it if someone asked for the therapist's help to improve their people skills. Talk things over with that person: how social were you before your brain injury, how social do you want to be, now? Talk to them carefully about your experiences socialising, post-brain injury: why did that person say that, why did that person get upset?

In my own case, I am lucky to have a very social mother. She of course understood the way I was before my accident and what sort of person I wanted to be. She merely offered suggestions and encouragement to help me be that person. She did things like encourage me to always ask questions of others and warn me that it's rude to simply walk away from a conversation you've been involved in, but are no longer the central focus of.

I encourage all recoverees to find someone to talk through social issues with. This can be seen as another application of the idea that we need to talk to the right people to recover better.

Cheers,
Mike

Dark Days

2011-11-29T16:29:00.000+13:00

In some of my posts, such as my last one on mountain running, I fear I might give the impression I'm something of a recovery machine, that I'm an astounding success at recovering from my TBI. If I have, that impression would certainly not be correct. I have made mistakes (such as those discussed in Mike's Regrets), but what I think are more important from a day-to-day perspective are dark days,

I think all recoverees, myself included, sometimes face dark days, days where the weight of recovery seems too much to bear. As an example showing how not to recover, I'm writing this post to talk about what I think helps for dealing with dark days: don't give in to them.

The ability to feel sorry for ourselves is a common human trait. Whoever we might be, I reckon it's only natural for recoverees, myself included, to sometimes stand back and think, "man, this really sucks!" A TBI can cause so much stuff to go wrong, there will likely be much to remind us that life is so much more difficult than it was before our brain injury. It's natural that sometimes all of us will want to pack it all in, to give up and retreat into some deep cave somewhere.

Therein lies the biggest risk posed by dark days. Do we give in and retreat from them? That deep cave seems safe from the outside world. Why not just head in there for a bit of nap? The thing to remember, though, is that the deep cave provides little shelter from the effects of our TBI, it's actually quite cold and damp.

I think the trick with dark days is know they come, but don't last forever. As we're experiencing them, I think it helps to keep in mind that, while not much fun, things could always be worse. What's important is to stay out of the cold, damp cave, instead standing in the sun as we keep getting into stuff. Know that dark days come, but don't give into them!

Cheers,
Mike

My recovery: it'll be over when I say it's over!

2011-11-15T08:19:00.001+13:00

People often ask me something along the lines of, "How long did it take you to recover from your brain injury?" I usually respond with, "My recovery isn't over yet: I still think I'm recovering now." The natural follow up question is, when will your recovery be over? Back in 2008, I wrote a verbose post on this blog, How Long Does TBI Recovery Take? In it, I talked about the length of my recovery depending on what goals I set myself. One activity recently reminded me of the concept, though: my running.

Running in the hills above Wellington city, New Zealand.

Using my running as an example, I want to explain my new answer to the question of when my recovery will be over: it'll be over when I say it's over!

I had my accident shortly before I was to reach my goal of racing Ironman triathlon in 2005. Being a goal-focused person, I was desperate to build back up to it. As I started running again, I quickly realised how physiologically complex the activity is to do. Gradually, I relearnt how to control my muscles well enough, particularly those in my core, to run properly. Eventually, I was running well enough to support my finally completing Ironman in March 2010.

Even through Ironman, though, I carried a number of running issues. A key one was that my right quad muscle group would seem to run out of push after about 20-30 mins of running. The issue wasn't bad enough to stop me doing Ironman: If I walked ten paces, it would come right and I could start running again. However, I love my running and it was hindering my enjoyment of it. Once I'd finished Ironman, I was keen to get it sorted out.

In the second half of last year, I restarted my recovery process: I saw physios, tried new things like yoga classes, stretching and muscle exercises and talked to lots of relevant people. After about six months of trying stuff, I made a breakthough: I realised it wasn't my right quad muscles I needed to worry about, it was my right gluteus maximus (as well as another muscle close by, the gluteus medius). For some reason, exercising those two made a big difference to my issue with my quad. Although they haven't solved it completely, just yet, I think they'll allow me to run well enough to train for and complete off-road running events (as per my photo). (Off-road running seems easier on my quad muscle issue.)

Since I built myself up for Ironman (twice!), you may be thinking I'm someone who likes big goals. You'd be right! In New Zealand, one big goal involving off-road running is the 60k Kepler Challenge, following the Kepler Track in the South Island. Guess what I'm aiming to be next November? ;-)

Herein lies my idea. There are things like running that I really want to enjoy. It is up to me to do all I can to recover for them. No matter how long it's been since my brain injury, my recovery will only ever end when I decide to stop working out how to recover more. It'll only be over when I say it's over!

Cheers,

Mike

From theorising in my brain to theorising in my thesis!

2011-10-16T15:04:00.001+13:00

I mentioned in an update in my last post that I had completed my Masters thesis. I decided readers might well want to know more about how I found it so I've pulled together this post.

Me with the result of 21 months' work: a 300-page bound book.

The main word for how I found it: big! My thesis started out as a simple question: what made New Zealanders use their debit card payment system, EFTPOS, so much more than Australians or the citizens of other countries used theirs? Before my brain injury got in the way of things, I'd often pondered doing postgraduate study in economics. Suddenly, I had an interesting research question to study. Once this simple idea had germinated, however, it seemed nothing could stop it. I found an economics professor in my hometown or Wellington willing to supervise my completing a Master of Arts By Thesis. My thesis eventually became an 80,000+ word study of the economics of the development of retail payment systems in seven Western countries.

Although I started with the plan of finishing the thesis in only one year, it took me 21 months to put it to bed. I was however very happy with the finished product. (If you're really interested, the full thing can be downloaded from my university's research archive here, although I summarised it substantially in the context of New Zealand in this guest post for the NZ political blog, Kiwiblog.) What was the greatest issue for getting my injured brain through thesis writing? Well, it seems there were two: theorising about my idea in my brain and getting that theorising written down in my thesis.

In terms of theorising in my brain, some major things guided me forward. When I think back over them now, they're remarkably consistent with ideas I've written about for TBI recovery. I found it very useful simply to keep talking to the right people about my thesis and where I felt it was heading. I also thought it important that I enjoyed myself, writing my thesis, and simply keep the faith that I would figure it out. Did my brain injury slow me down as I thought my way through my work? I think that's more than likely, but I was enjoying myself so don't feel like that mattered at all. I just hung in there believing I would find the right way of thinking through my thesis.

As I had figured out parts of my work in my head, the next trick was writing them up in my thesis. Once again, several things helped me considerably. The two ideas listed above once more came in handy. The art of writing well is not a simple one, however. I think it helped me substantially to have practiced my writing on various blogs around, including on this one. This is yet another thing that I think has parallels in brain injury recovery, which I outlined in this post, Get Into It!

Even before my brain injury, I think my thesis would have been a major bit of work. How did I feel about trying to do it with a brain that didn't operate as well as it once did? I just shrug my shoulders and think, oh well, at least I was still around to do it. My brain injury could have been so much worse!

If you are a recoveree considering doing something big, I wholeheartedly encourage you to get stuck in and have a crack at it! See your brain injury not as some insurmoutable obstacle, but as merely something to be managed. Go for it!

Cheers,
Mike

Embarrassing stuff following a TBI: Google it!

2011-10-05T15:27:00.004+13:00

(Please forgive the delay, but it's been a long while since I last posted. I've been thinking about this post for some time, but haven't focused sufficiently to pull it together until now. I regret that I've rather been distracted by a frustrating job search following my successful completion of my Masters thesis earlier this year.)

The brain seamlessly controls many, many things. When we damage it, weird things can start to happen. And we might not be comfortable talking about some of them. They may in fact be down right embarrassing! All is not lost, though. There is one source of information that won't ask any questions about why you're researching stuff: Google!

Two embarrassing things have arisen during my recovery. One of them I'm happy to talk about, but the other rates barely a mention. That's because I remain too embarrassed to discuss it in such a public way. (I'll leave you to guess from the first how I dealt/am dealing with the second!) The first is that I (still!) have problems recognising people's faces and the second, that I have occasionally had problems with bladder control.

I am by nature a social person: being around friends and family matters hugely to me. I find it very natural to be friendly with everyone, it feels energising to me. I have absolutely no wish to be seen as unfriendly towards people. Yet, an important part of being friendly is recognising people when you see them again. If I've only met someone once or twice, though, this is the part I battle with: no matter how involved the conversation was, if I've only met someone the once, it's reasonably likely that I'll completely fail to remember who they are when I see them again. (This issue is much more than just forgetting people's names, which I wrote a bit about here!)

For some, this might not be a major issue, but for me it definitely is. Yet, how can I explain it to someone? Even if I was comfortable with doing so, there would be only a very small number of specialists familiar with it in a small country like New Zealand. I imagine many neurologists or brain injury specialists would look at it and say, show me a real problem. To me, though, this is a real problem!

Google's not going to be worried about the seriousness of my problem. If I input the keywords, brain problem recognising people, if faithfully reveals that I in fact have a condition called prosopagnosia. Further searching reveals sites such as this one that say there is no formal treatment for the condition. Sounds to me like an invitation for me to be determined to recover and think hard about how I might work around it. When I meet someone, can I try remembering their hair colour and the facial features so I can remember them if I meet them again out of context? With careful thought and a bit of research, surely it's up to me to work out how to recover!

Cheers,

Mike

TBI Recovery and a Higher Power

2010-10-29T20:27:00.002+13:00

Recently, I’ve had many chats with a close friend recovering from a compulsive disorder. While I won’t claim to understand everything he talks about, I am more than happy to chat through things with him and hope that my thoughts are in some way helpful. Among the things I myself take from all our discussions are the parallels between recovery from his disorder and TBI recovery.

A major part of recovery for my friend is accepting a higher power can help us recover, but also learning to give up control to that power. (Recovering alcoholics may know these as Steps Two and Three of the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.) This may seem difficult to believe, but recoverers from compulsive disorders experience more control over their compulsions by wilfully giving up on having control! That idea’s not a simple one –I think it took me some proper thinking to even start to get it – but please bear with me while I talk through what I think it shows for TBI recovery.

With this idea in mind, I thought through my TBI recovery and realised I’d touched on it in my post, Having Faith I Will Figure It Out. In the post, I describe how I keep myself going by having faith that, sooner or later, I’ll work out a way of solving, or at least of significantly reducing, any problem I run into. Sometimes I think me working it out comes from getting a sign – in the post, Listening to Your Body: Sweating and Cravings for Salt, I wrote about how I (eventually) realised one sign: my body was showing it was lacking salt by giving me cravings for salty foods. Maybe my giving it up to a higher power is accepting that, whatever issue comes along, I’ll be given a sign about how best to deal with it.

On the question of fatalism versus freewill, I fall very much on the side of free-will: while I believe a greater power might give me a sign as to the right way, I believe it is entirely up to me to follow it. Please let me know if you agree or have any thoughts about my attempting to reconcile fatalism and freewill for TBI recovery.

Furthermore, this is not a simple subject: like I said, I still think I’m figuring it out. I also think it’s critical to the daily decisions we make in our recoveries. Please feel free to comment on here if you any further questions on it. If you’re wondering about something, no doubt others are, too.

Cheers,

Mike

Another Update on Mike's Recovery

2010-10-29T20:21:00.006+13:00

Hi guys,

It’s been a while since I last posted, but, after a pretty busy first half of this year, I’ve recently decided to ease back a bit and live a more balanced life. As part of doing that, I promised myself I’d restart writing posts for this blog.

As an update, things are well here. As you may have seen from my previous posts, I completed the first of two major goals for this year back in March: racing the Ironman New Zealand triathlon. I had hoped to be finished with the second goal, completing a Masters thesis in Economics at a New Zealand university, around the middle of this year. Regretfully, my progress towards that goal hasn’t been quite as smooth and I now hope to have it (nearly) all done by the end of this year.

As I said and in spite of still having a bit to do, more balance in my life means more writing for this blog. First up, is my post, TBI Recovery and a Higher Power.

Cheers,

Mike

Media Coverage of My Story

2010-04-18T21:53:00.001+12:00

Of course, with my accident, recovery and build-up to Ironman, there's been some media coverage of my story. That culminated in the week of Ironman with a story about me being aired by the New Zealand current affairs television programme, Campbell Live.

The story's available on Campbell Live's website here (regretfully, I'm unable to embed the video). I think it may be most interesting to my readers because it contains a whole series of videos of me shortly after my accident. Be warned, I'm not in a good way in those. Fortunately, though, I've improved since then and firmly believe, it's the comeback that counts! :-)

(With Ironman now over and out of the way, I'm enjoying the return to the quiet life and not having nearly so much fuss around me!)

Cheers,
Mike

Finally Running Home an Ironman!

2010-04-18T21:39:00.007+12:00

During a quiet training ride, just two weeks before I was to race Ironman New Zealand 2005, I had a spot of bad luck: I was involved in what should have been a minor traffic accident. Because I was on a bike, however, it was anything but. I suffered a severe traumatic brain injury and missed my race, what would have been my first Ironman, because I was still in hospital in a coma! I lost my health, I lost my career, I almost lost my life! Through all of it, though, I never lost my desire to race an Ironman, slowly but steadily rebuilding my strength, fitness and abilities.

On March the 6th this year, five years after I should have, I finally ran home an Ironman!

(This is my favourite photo from Ironman because, while it shows me running towards the finish, it doesn't actually show me crossing it, as if my race isn't over. I like it because, as I explain below, I don't feel like "my race" is over yet!)

For me, Ironman (which involves a 3.8k swim, 180k cycle and then a 42k run) wasn't what I'd expected at the start of the day. I had a good swim...

(A shot of the mass start involving over a thousand swimmers - I'm in there somewhere)

... and a reasonable bike ride...

(looking settled)

... only to have problems on the run!

(feeling the pain! That is a frown, or as much of one as I can manage!)

Unfortunately, I became quite ill about a quarter of the way through the run. However, after the saga that's been my build-up to Ironman, I wasn't going to let a bad stomach get in the way of finishing. Things gradually improved, particularly when four supporters came off the sidelines and starting running with me. Gradually, my running style came back together and I truly enjoyed the final stages of the race, running home in a time of 12.54.

(me with my fantastic support crew afterwards!)

How does it feel to have finally completed my goal and raced an Ironman? In a word, fantastic! Ironman has been such a saga these last five years; although my race wasn't the best, I feel like I've been released, like I can now go on to other things. And there are indeed other things! Of course, finishing my 50,000 word Masters thesis is currently my biggest goal, but really there's a whole bunch of things I want to improve at. My recovery - my race - isn't over yet!

I remain committed to the process of recovering. Ironman was only a step along the way and I hope for all the best in furthering recovering. I wish other recoverers out there well and hope I hear stories of things other people have gone on to do, following their brain injury.

Cheers,

Mike

An Update on Mike's Recovery

2009-09-18T19:28:00.004+12:00

It's about time I wrote an update on how my recovery's going. As readers may have noticed, I've had little time recently to write posts for this blog. That's because my recovery's all go! Right now, there are two major parts to it and it's these I want to fill readers in on.

The first part is my second attempt at racing the Ironman triathlon in Taupo, New Zealand in March 2010. Readers may have seen in other posts that I received my brain injury in a traffic accident I had while training two weeks before the same race in 2005. An intense desire to race Ironman is something that's always been a special motivation for me to recover more. I'm really looking forward to finally achieving this goal.

The second part is a Masters degree I recently started in my favourite subject, economics, at a university here in Wellington, New Zealand. The degree involves the preparation of a 30-40,000 word thesis, which I am hoping to complete about June next year.

I continue to think about brain injury recovery and what readers might like to hear about my experiences as I attempt to complete these two goals. Unfortunately, finding time to write them up and put them on here is a bit of an issue, right now. But readers can rest assured that I'll get them up here at some stage soon(ish).

Cheers,
Mike

What Did My TBI Feel Like? Cloudy!

2009-08-09T14:50:00.011+12:00

My Dad recently reminded me of the way I described my TBI not long after I received it! For me, my TBI basically made me feel all cloudy. I'm lying there in a bed in my rehab centre; I'm not in pain, but I'm just trying to take it all in. Yet things are so confusing and my head just feels unable to cut through that confusion.

Of course, I've just been thrown into this new environment. I've got very new limitations - I can't walk, I can't even talk properly - and I've now got a very unfamiliar outlook on where my life's heading. What will my recovery be like? It stands to reason that I'm going to be confused, but my brain just can't seem to get started on making head or tail of it! I find myself in this surreal world where I just can't find my bearings.

Fortunately, things do start to fall into place. They slowly begin to make sense and you get more certainty about where things are headed. The cloud lifts.

Getting clarity on where things were at was the start of looking at/thinking about what needed to be done. So it feels more like I should finish this post by saying, the cloud's lifted, let the Games begin!

Cheers,
Mike

The TBI Fingerprint

2009-08-09T13:14:00.007+12:00

My own experiences with brain injury recently led my Mum into joining the Committee of the local brain injury association. One of the other Committee members discussed a good analogy for brain injuries and I thought I'd blog about it here.

The Committee member's analogy was, every brain injury is like a fingerprint. There's stuff in common with other brain injuries, but it's pretty much unique! No two brain injuries will be alike.

That idea might create issues for my readers. If every brain injury's unique, why should I bother reading about recovery ideas from a bloke who's only had one of them? After all, my fingerprint will be different to his.

Another thing is, it might make recoverers feel better or worse that their brain injury was more or less severe than someone else's. However, in Recovery from Any TBI, I say how I think, in terms of effects, there's little that sets any TBI apart. If I meet anyone with a TBI, I can be fairly confident that it's fundamentally changed their life. Every TBI's unique, but that doesn't take away from the effect of any one TBI.

What might be similar between recoverers, though, is attitude! Accordingly, the main goal I have when I blog is to help other recoverers find their own determination to recover!

Cheers,
Mike

Listening to Your Body: Sweating and Cravings for Salt

2009-07-30T19:31:00.005+12:00

Your body is exceptional at telling you what it needs. All you have to do is listen!

One particularly undesirable effect of my brain injury is, when I exercise, I sweat... heaps. As long as I drink lots of liquid, I have no problem with it (although I'm less keen on running into girls I want to impress when I'm like that :-). However, I'm only slowly getting used to the new ways my body operates.

As I started triathlon training more regularly, I was exercising more often and therefore sweating more. About the same time, I started experiencing periods of cravings for potato chips. I'd never before had intense desires for particular foods (both before and since my accident), so I was very perplexed by such episodes.

Eventually, I realised that what my body was after was potato chips for their salt to replace the amount of salt I was losing in my sweat. Eureka! I increased the amount of salt in my diet by adding it to meals every so often. I haven't since experienced trouble with cravings for chips.

I certainly don't propose every recoverer will have a similar craving caused by sweating more! What I am saying is, listen to, and think hard about, what your body's saying to you. A TBI will likely change some/many of the ways your body works. As you get used to the new you, it might help to pass close attention to what it's trying to tell you.

Cheers,
Mike

More Unsympathetic Reactions: Getting Ejected from a Bar!

2009-07-26T16:24:00.006+12:00

I mentioned in the post, Unsympathetic Reactions to Brain Injury, getting stopped by a nightclub doorman as I entered his bar and asked how many drinks I had had. That first bar was in Melbourne, Australia, and it was during another recent trip to Australia that I had a similar experience; this one actually resulted in me being kicked out of the bar.

It was the end of a long day of touring near Alice Springs in Central Australia. I was relaxing with my tour group in a local bar. Even four years on from my TBI, the end of a long day normally means one thing: I'm fatigued!

During a trip to the toilet, I was unknowingly followed by one of the bar's doormen. He decided that my stumbling, fatigued motions were due to intoxication. After stopping me, he said, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

Nightclub doormen are not people to muck around with! They're unlikely to listen if I try telling them of my brain injury. I decided it was best just to politely accept and ask if I can say goodbye to my tour group. That request was granted and then I was politely sent on my way.

Did I get annoyed about the incident? Well, it's wasn't good having my night ended for me, but I just did my best to accept it. The doorman was doing his job and meant no ill-feeling. The sheer fact I was fatigued shows me that it was time for bed, anyway.

Basically, the only sensible option I saw, and still see now, was to accept it and live/leave to fight another day!

Cheers,
Mike

Getting Red-Carded!

2009-07-26T09:51:00.009+12:00

In New Zealand's favourite contact sport, Rugby Union, players receive a yellow-card if they commit a foul bad enough for the referee to suspend them from the game for ten minutes. Players receive a red-card if the referee decides to permanently suspend them from the game. A similar sort of approach is used in football or soccer.

Basically, I know when I'm tired, but, if I'm trying to stay part of the action, I might not respond to it. My brother adapted rugby's card system to encourage me to manage my fatigue.

If I look tired enough for a one, I'm given a yellow-card and sent off for a half-hour neuro-rest. If I'm so tired that a normal neuro-rest won't be enough and it's the end of the day, I get a red-card. Time to pack it all in and head off to bed.

While somewhat light-hearted, this system is great for keeping me focused on what's really important here; managing my fatigue! Hope it also helps others.

Cheers,
Mike

Patients' Approach to Specialists

2009-06-12T12:41:00.006+12:00

A friend recently emailed to me this New York Times article. The final section on How Patients Can Help is right up my alley and I wanted to blog here about it!

The article refers to a few key concepts, some of which I've blogged about before: having lists of questions when seeing specialists, turning up to appointments with at least two people and being (very) familiar with one's condition. The article does warn about "oversearch", but I think that's less of a problem if one keeps in mind that one's own case may always differ from others.

I hope my readers enjoy the article.

Cheers,
Mike

Managing Brain Lock

2009-05-22T21:51:00.000+12:00

In the post, Brain Lock, I described one particular problem I have where I get something in my head and set about doing it... no matter what. In spite of me being aware that I occasionally suffer it, I continue to experience it. Most recently, it happened at work when I continued to (somewhat publicly) argue about a point in spite of it becoming quite disruptive for my team.

Although we ended up with the problem resolved, I was embarassed about the way we got there - good ol' brain lock was at it, again. So, to try and avoid future episodes, I went back to the drawing board once more to reflect on ways to manage this problem. I've thought of a couple that, as yet, are untested. That is, I don't really know if they'll really work. Nevertheless, I wanted to blog about them now so my readers can see an example of a thought process I go through when managing through such problems.

I decided that, in times of brain lock (and perhaps at all times), the best thing is to focus on end-outcomes. What is my end-goal for this situation? What do I want to walk away having achieved? What is the best way to achieve it?

Of course, there's still the problem of knowing when I'm in danger of becoming brain-locked (and, therefore, in need of thinking about alternative methods to achieve end-goals). Here, I'm still a little unsure, but think that the best way of knowing this is to always reflect on one thing: how many times have I raised this issue? How long has it been since I reflected on my end-goal and alternative methods of achieving this?

I'm not too sure if this will work (particularly, my method of trying to realise when I'm at risk of brain-lock), but there you go. I will continue to think about it and revisit it, if I still have problems with brain lock.

Cheers,
Mike

As Good as It Gets

2009-05-17T13:14:00.003+12:00

One recovery idea that I occasionally come across is the concern that, maybe, this is as good as it gets. This is a very understandable thing to worry about. Indeed, this is the very idea that a character with an obsessive-compulsive disorder played by Jack Nicohson battled against in a recent film of the same name. I find myself occasionally wondering about it, too.

A brain injury can cause all sorts of problems, problems that require such a different approach to things that used to be so easy, One can start to feel these problems are insurmountable; feel like there's no way "back to" the way you were before; there are no more improvements to be had. Basically, one can worry that this is as good as it gets!

I don't know about obsessive-compulsive disorder, but I do know a little of recovery from traumatic brain injury. While understandable, I think it a very dangerous thing to worry about. The brain is an immensely adaptable piece of equipment. Worrying that things won't get better almost flatly assumes the brain won't learn how to work around whatever problems it comes across. In my humble opinion, assuming that is almost as bad as ruling it out from ever happening. That is, if you want to learn to recover, start by believing that you are actually able to recover.

Yet, feeling this is as good as it gets is still very understandable; when I start thinking it, what do I do about it? Simple, I do my best to keep in mind specific areas of progress I have made, specific times when my brain has learnt about how to work around things. With that, I can convince myself that my brain can work around things. This is definitely not as good as it gets!

Cheers,
Mike

Having Faith I Will Figure It Out

2009-04-11T21:15:00.003+12:00

In my most recent post, I talked about how I've relearnt heaps just by retrying an activity. I talked about trying to relearn it enough just to enjoy it again. Part of what guides me in that is having faith I will figure it out.

Of course, my injury has affected what I can do. I know what I enjoyed before my accident; unfortunately, I can't do all of it in the way I used to. I get into it, but it can be (very) frustrating as I often feel I'm starting from the beginning.

I can't give up hope, though. I try and think hard about what, specifically, I enjoyed about doing the activity. What will I need to relearn to start enjoying it that way again? Often, my constraints from my injury will mean I need to adopt a new approach. Is there an approach that will still allow me to enjoy the activity as I used to?

I guess, once again, my running's a good example of this. Like I said in my last post, I got into it, but then found the rate at which I was improving tailed off. It became more and more frustrating not feeling like I was making any sort of progress with it. What kept me going was having faith that, sooner or later, I would work it out.

I thought hard about what I needed to enjoy it: it wasn't the speed; it wasn't the hills or the views; it was the endorphins. Running properly was important to get those. In the end, I had to get some expert advice to help me do that from a physiotherapist who specialised in brain injury and running.

It's been quite a journey and, although not over yet, one big help along the way has been the faith that, eventually, I'd figure it out.

Cheers,
Mike

Get Into It!

2009-04-11T19:44:00.003+12:00

It's been awhile, sorry guys. I hope everyones' recoveries have been progressing well! As I said in my post before Christmas '08, I've been thinking about a whole bunch of things on TBI recovery. Unfortunately, I've had a bit of trouble finding time to write about them. Apologies and please wish me luck for finding more time to write from here on.

I'm restarting posting with something relatively simple, Get Into It! Much of the progress I've made in a whole range of activities is due to one thing: just getting back into it.

For the great majority of things, even when I can do them properly, I can't do them nearly as well as I used to before my accident. I need to relearn them and, basically, I want to relearn them enough to enjoy doing them again. If I restart doing it at whatever level, that doesn't normally take too long.

It doesn't matter to me whether I enjoy it less than I used to. Of course, it's frustrating to have to restart learning it again, but only one thing's important to me, am I still enjoying it at some level or other? Maybe I'll one day have my old level of enjoyment back, but, right now, do I still like to do it?

Sometimes, I'll restart something, but have real trouble relearning it. That's when it becomes more important to find the right people to talk to. There must be someone around who can help me with whatever I want to relearn. It's just a matter of finding out who that is.

The best example I have that sets all of this out is my running. I had loved this before my accident; popping out somewhere interesting for a few hours' hard running; the views. the feeling of drive during it, the endorphins afterwards, it was a great feeling. My running afterwards was much less so.

Yet, I got into it and was making progress relearning it. Eventually, however, I stopped making progress and had real trouble with it. In the end, I saw a physiotherapist who specialises in brain injury and running. He made all the difference, improving my form out of all sight.

Even now, though, I'm not sure I enjoy it as much as I used to, but I love it enough to back out doing it again.

Cheers,
Mike

Merry Christmas to You All!

2008-12-23T14:41:00.001+13:00

It's been a long while sine my last post. Obviously, I've been suffering something like the problem I described in it, Brain Lock.

There is more coming, though. My recovery certainly isn't over, yet, and I continue to find out things I'd like to share with you. Perhaps it's a sign that things are going well, though - I lack time to properly write.

Anyway, I will get around to it. In the mean time, I wish my readers a great Christmas and a happy New Year. To all those recovering from brain injury, whatever '08 was like, I wish you a much improved '09!

Seasons Greetings,
Mike

Brain Lock

2008-09-28T16:21:00.004+13:00

I've had another issue that has occasionally cropped up since my TBI. I get something in my head and set about doing it... no matter what! Indeed, I discussed one occurence of it in Mike's Regrets; almost getting another TBI by trying to body-surf dumping waves at a surf beach I went to.

Quite suddenly, I become much less aware of any factors indicating that what I'm doing isn't the best approach. Something else happens, something new crops up, but I just seem to ignore it. It's as if my brain isn't flexible enough to cope with the changing situation. It doesn't happen that often - normally my brain operates more or less as it used to. When it does happen, though, I describe it as brain lock.

For me, brain lock is almost as if I simply forget to think about other stuff. I become focused on the task at hand; on doing (or saying or being) whatever it was I had intended to do. And I seem to ignore everything else, no matter how relevant.

As I've written before on this blog, I can be very determined about stuff when I want to be, but this is different. When I'm being determined about something, I do my best to take in all relevant aspects of ths situation. When I've got brain lock, it's as if I'm simply ignoring everything else. Brain lock seems a great way of describing my problem.

I have yet to come up with a full-proof way of dealing with my episodes of brain lock. I hope that it will be at least a little easier if I'm aware that sometimes I do it. As I get more experienced with the new me, I hope that I'll become better at knowing when I might get brain lock.

I don't know if every TBI recoverer suffers from brain lock, but suspect it might be quite common. Whether it is or isn't, though, I write about it here to give readers a better idea of the sorts of problems they might face. I do believe nearly every TBI problem can be solved, or at least substantially helped, with a bit of careful, thorough thinking and problem solving. I hope this one isn't any different.

Cheers,
Mike

P.S. I've now added a post about Managing Brain Lock

Another Approach to Therapy - Learning to Sing

2008-09-20T10:23:00.004+12:00

I've always had a loud, deep voice, but it's become noticeably more raspy since my accident. I've also lost some control over my volume and pitch. Speech language therapy I had early on seemed to give me little relief. Part of that (perhaps a large part!) was that I found the exercises difficult to keep doing because I had trouble applying them in practice.

I'd been conscious my voice still needed work, though, and eventually I came across another way. I've started singing lessons. My singing instructor certainly doesn't have a speech therapy background. She was quite surprised when I explained my plans and hopes with my learning to sing, but we started lessons anyway.

I noticed an immediate improvement in the quality of my voice and I feel there is big potential for further progress. Singing allows me to practice using my full vocal range. As well as that, by it's very nature, singing well involves a much greater need for control over one's voice (compared to speaking). Perhaps because of the way our brains are wired, it's easier to hear when I'm not singing well compared to when I'm not speaking well. So it's easier to feel like I'm making progress.

I don't propose that learning to sing will work for everyone. Instead, I write about this here to discuss the value of thinking outside the box to help TBI recovery. Think about what it is you want to achieve. How have you been working on it so far and how has that been going? What other things, what completely new approaches, might help you out?

Cheers,
Mike

Keeping At It!

2008-09-13T18:55:00.003+12:00

In the post, Breaking the 40 Hour Week Barrier, I showed an Excel graph of my return to a 40 hour week. I guess I'm fairly unusual and not everyone wants to get back to work as badly as me. Whatever your goal is, though, the message is, pay close attention to the progress you're making towards it.

I've often described how TBI recovery takes time! Sometimes it seems so slow, it's extraordinarily frustrating. I've learnt, though, if I pay close attention to what I'm working towards, I might well find I'm still making progress. It might not be happening fast, but, if I keep a record, I can see it's still happening.

Whatever my goal is, even when it's something funny, like talking properly again, I do my best to figure out a way to measure my progress towards it. There's no need to make some fancy graph, just to find some way to measure my progress. For example. to work on my voice, I might well try recording my voice at various points in time and, particularly when I'm feeling down, go back to earlier recordings to listen to my progress.

So I feel better if progress is being made. If no progress is happening, I still don't feel bad. I just think about new approaches. What else could I be doing to improve? Keeping track of my progress is a great way to keep my motivation up, to keep pushing forward.

Cheers,
Mike

P.S. For those interested in my experiences working on my voice, please have a read of my post, Another Approach to Therapy - Learning to Sing.