Beng Bernardo's - Journey Home

And In Those Moments

2013-02-18T03:56:00.001-08:00

Our book would never be read aloud
There would not be celebrations of milestones
Of souls in warmth and drunk embers of whispers that caressed wounded yesterdays

Our names would never be uttered in one breath
There would not be oohs and aahs at yellowed photographs
Of promises made in the silence of held hands

And yet
If I am not able to love again, the way that I do now…
I would toast to what you and I could have been
As frost of what’s left unspoken thaw and disappear

Because
We sought out the sun
And coaxed out the moon
As we basked and bathed
In love’s soothing serenade

And in those moments
Memories of you now
Would always

Always be enough for me.

My Space

2013-02-08T15:26:00.000-08:00

Stuck WITH My Space because I can only log in to Slacker and Songza if and when I am anywhere in North America. And this is what they say:

We are very sorry to say that due to licensing constraints we cannot allow access to Songza for listeners located outside of the United States and Canada.

Based on your IP address, we believe that you are located outside of the United States and Canada. Please accept our deepest apology for restricting your access to Songza; we share your disappointment and frustration.

Everyone should have the right to enjoy this service and we are committed to launching Songza in every possible country. We will work assiduously to obtain the requisite licenses where they exist. If you would like to be notified by email when Songza is available in your country, please enter your country of residence and email address in the form below.

Thank you for your understanding and support. Please do not hesitate to get in touch with us by emailing feedback@songza.com. We hope to see you back on Songza in the very near future.

Sincerely,
Team Songza

Really guys? But when? You're losing out on a lot for this deprivation.
So yeah I'm going to be able to log in very soon - I'll probably have to ask my mac to meditate and levitate so that when it arrives in Koh Samui it will still be suspended in a North American IP address.

Your Own

2013-02-04T04:40:00.000-08:00

To pursue yourself is an interesting and absorbing thing to do.
Once you have caught the scent of a hidden being, your own hidden being,
you won't really be deflected from the tracking down of it."
— Cynthia Popper Seton

That's Enough For Me

2013-02-02T00:46:00.000-08:00

Whatever it was. Brief its run may have been. However way it went. This joy I will forever carry with a knowing smile - I find comfort in, the kind that brings a human being to one's knees in soulful gratitude for having felt it. That's enough and will always be - for me.

Beloved

2013-02-01T03:26:00.001-08:00

Joy as it rises to the surface
Like waves saving me from the heights of what may be

The hollow of those hands
At the cusp of crystal almost unbearable pleasures from warmed nights
Of yesterdays, my forever

Promises no more
Candles burned to their core

Weeping willows never more beautiful
On the day words that can't be spoken
We're felt

Journey on beloved
Songs will still be sung
Words written and unheard

It falls not on deaf ears
Because I have not listened as intently
to the lapping of our shores
As I do now

Bring nothing but a smile
That springs forth
At the touch of soft feathery kisses
Whenever the rain grazes those eyes

Journey on beloved
Celebrations will go on unabated
Laughter and tears jostling for speech

Journeying On

2013-01-29T03:37:00.000-08:00

Three different time zones
Three different routes
All life changing
All game changers
Age and what it does to people
Some are more cautious
Others grow wings
I got both
All shackles
The ones that are the most stifling
Are self-made
But lesson after lesson
I'm good.
Everything's fine.
Just fine.

I know

2013-01-21T23:12:00.002-08:00

I have a feeling I will still be singing this someday one day when the world has changed. And all is made right.

When I said

2013-01-20T04:28:00.000-08:00

I was speaking to a friend today and told her - "It's going to be a vicious cycle" and she (Rina Imperial) replied, "He will meet one every day, the internet is filled with millions of lost souls..."

And I wondered - I could have been one of them, maybe I still am.

Paalam Na

2013-01-20T01:43:00.002-08:00

Inabutan na nang tanghali
Ang buong gabing pag-ulan

Marahil iniiyakan itong
liham ng pag-lisan

Huwag mag-alala hindi ka na pipigilan

Huwag mangamba wala ka nang
rason pang kailangang bitawan

Umpisa pa man batid at tanggap nang
Isang araw kung anong meron tayo ay iyo ring iiwan

Hindi na mangagarap pa ng bukas na narooon ka mag-pakailanman

Saan man dalhin ng mga hakbang na
Nuong araw ako ang dahilan

Dalhin mo ang dalanging walang bahid ng puot
O ano mang pag-aalinglangan

Na ang buhay mo ay maging matiwasay
Puno ng kaligayahan

Mag-kakasya na sa alaalang minahal mo
Kahit minsan

Like Sugar

2013-01-19T19:27:00.003-08:00

Unrequited love like sugar which our body doesn't need to survive except if we are perpetual motion and energy expenditure machines, is hard to resist.

It's a stake right through the heart that burrows deeper the more we resist.

And so we give in.

Whenever we do, we regret the breakdown in willpower
And what it does to our guilt, gastric, physiologic processes

And yet the sensation brings us back to it again and again
Like moths to a flame

And so we feed.
Give in to unrequited love.
Like we would, to sugar.

Saan Mag-Uumpisa

2013-01-11T04:23:00.000-08:00

Kilala na ang daang ito
Masikip, madilim parang walang hinto
Tuliro na namang tatahakin, bawat liko
Gayong kung ilang beses nang pinagsarhan ng pinto

Ramdam na ang hagod ng dalamhati
Urong sulong sa pag-hakbang, kung paano at kailan - hindi mawari
Anong lakas ng loob mayroon para kayanin kahit man lang mangalahati
Ngayong hapong hapong sadlak na sa pangungulilang masidhi

Tanaw na ang lungkot at matinding panlulumo
Walang humpay, sagad sa laman tagos sa buto
Lahat at bawat alaala nagsisilbing multo
Ng mga araw na kapiling pa ang galak ng halakhak mo

Ganito pala ang sinasabing parati
Basta ang iyong irog malayang nagbubunyi
Hindi bale nang dumanas ng matinding pighati
Puso ay durog ngunit labi ay nakangiti

Subalit walang pagsisising iaatang sa iyo
Sapagkat walang katumbas na ligayang dama nang ang mundo mo
Ay walang iba kundi ako

Saan man itong lakbayin ay patungo
Paano mag-uumpisang ikaw ay limutin ko
Kaawaan sana ng Maykapal ang dating sinisinta mo
At palayain ang puso kong walang magawa kundi ang sumuko

Writing Again

2013-01-11T03:34:00.000-08:00

Steeling myself for the swift
Bracing
Steadying

The lights shadows and whiff of air
Now familiar

Different faces
Same fall

A script that plays itself
over and over again

Sharp, clean

Dizzying heights
Breathtaking views
Smoldering
Consuming

What of these embers
And pictures of you

What of these promises
And coming home to you

And yet I steel myself
Steady
And I recognize this walk
And want for nothing else
To write a fate
Over and over again
Of just coming home
To just me.

In Still Life

2013-01-09T18:11:00.000-08:00

Painting with acrylic
Or oil and turpentines and linseed oil on canvas

The latter muddy, dirty, impossible to erase
I insist on it

I'd choose the kinder more forgiving medium
Had it chosen me

Once upon a time it did
I tasted a bit of its palette

The swirls and whirls of soft but vivid colors
Water before it completely dries
And its gone

My hands and favorite shirts
Oh why I wear them when I shouldn't
They all bear reminders
Of deep reds and blues
That cannot be erased

When there was a voice
A gaze
A smile

Inanimate objects written by you

Of oils and turpentines and linseed oil
In this raging ocean, inside
Of what's now a still life

Lagi Na lang

2013-01-06T02:39:00.001-08:00

Akala kasi Akala lang

On Fear

2013-01-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

The biggest problem on the planet today is fear, it's been a problem for a long time but it's a huge problem now. It's getting bigger every day and the reason that fear is a problem of course is that it affects everything. Everything we think say and do, all the decisions we make, all of our reactions all of our responses, everything that we are experiencing can come from either one of two places, we are either coming from love or coming from fear. ~ Neale Donald Walsh

Hanggang Kaya Ko Na

2013-01-04T02:15:00.001-08:00

Habang hindi ko pa kaya
Hahanap hanapin kita sa mga ulap at mga kuwentong katha
Pag dilat o pag-pikit nitong mga mata

Habang hindi pa limot iyong mga yakap at kalinga
Sisilip pa rin sa hindi naman tumutunog kong teleponong nag-papaalala
Umaasang baka sakaling itong puso'y masanay at mag-sawa

Hanggang hindi ko pa mabitawan itong ligayang ikaw lang ang may dala
Babalik balikan bawat mumunting alaala

Noong sa piling mo'y bawat oras ay di alintana
Habang guhit pusong alapaap lang ang tanaw kaluluwa ay nagbubunyi, kumakanta

Hanggang hindi makangiti ng wagas sa mga oras na ikaw ang naalala
Susunduin pa rin ng bawat saglit at hindi na sa anong kapalit pa aasa

Hanggang ikaw pa rin ang laman nitong nagsusumamong puso kong hapong hapo na
Magkakasya na sa nakagawiang hihintayin na bumalik ka
Kung kailan man tadhana at ang Maykapal na ang iiwang mag-kusa

Hanggang madinig at tugunin ang dalanging sana ay kaya ko na.
Tanggaping pagtahak sa buhay na maligaya kahit wala ka.

Whether...

2013-01-04T01:59:00.001-08:00

I went to see a friend today and she said - "We have all the freedom to make choices and decisions but, we are not free from the consequences, whether good or bad..."

Faith Isn't Supposed To Make Sense

2012-10-15T12:23:00.001-07:00

“By striving for a gold medal instead of a tin medal, or for prestige or notice, you ask the world to assess your value before you can value yourself. You place your sense of self worth in the hands of others. You have no power even if you win every gold medal that the world can produce.” ~ Gary Zukav

That growing seed of self-doubt that you’re just not good enough and everyone else is making a mockery of your anguish by celebrating without you (or so it seems)… An oh so familiar feeling.

Neighborhood games, cliques, exercise, travel, writers’ groups, bridal showers, parties, gatherings and many others that has everyone wrapped up in each other’s “sense of belonging”.

But you forget that you are, and have been in groups with as few members as two, which inadvertently and even deliberately excluded some and crushed egos like yours. It’s a self perpetuating thought that stings like hundreds of paper cuts when you feel like an outsider.

You’re going to be fine—you know how this goes, the conflicted emotions that come with being left out to dry and somehow, albeit excruciatingly slow at first, you manage to navigate your way back to that place where you are happy to see others enjoying themselves and even wish them well and quite sincerely. And once again, you rediscover the sheer pleasure of your own company.

When you can move on from being dumped—yes, dumped—and come to terms with how everything happens for a reason and that there are no magic formulas to relationships except being your truest self and letting chips fall where they may.
And that there is no such thing as ‘novelty of beginnings’ because if you let it be—yourself and others— the universe will spin just as it should and not faster than you think, whenever you’re drowning in deep trepidation and isolation. That the waning is just as intense as the waxing.

The path towards darkness isn’t as short and fast as you might think. It’s when you allow fear to guide your actions that you begin the nose-dive degradation into helplessness.

But just because you are here right now doesn’t mean you don’t know or can’t return to the light of healing. And just because it cannot be seen, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Believe this—remind yourself (yet again)—this place is familiar territory.

And it will repeat itself in dizzying succession because you’re human and you have emotions—raw and unprocessed. You will try everything, you will fall in love over and over again. It will never be perfect. And yet you have and will survive each and every single time—smarting, scathed, shattered, maybe not wiser—but you’ve had your practice and damn me if you say you didn’t so enjoy it while it lasted.

It’s alright, faith isn’t supposed to make sense (most times). It’s meant to carry you through the darkest hours when you feel stripped off, of what little strength and courage you have left. It creeps up on you and carries you forward, a step at a time until, you can believe, again.

Forgive yourself, then others and move right on.
Take everything the same: triumph or defeat, winning or losing, in the company of, and in your sublime aloneness, fame or shame, sadness or gladness they’re all identical just cloaked differently. And temporary.

And it’s all going to pass. As if you didn’t know that too, yet.
Journey on and hold that heart of yours sacred. When it breaks, it feels like it’s never going to mend but it always does, scars included.

Kindness is a gift we take delight in giving others. It’s now time to unwrap it for yourself.

Lost In Play

2012-10-14T10:34:00.000-07:00

Think about it; the most creative moments of your adult life were the moments you allowed the child in you to play.

Of Ribbons and Curls

2012-10-14T10:33:00.001-07:00

Ribbons for words
Curls but for fleeting change

Of taking leaps
And riding waves

Of seasons and decisions
Of smiles and tenderness

Of tomorrows made up of nows...

Wrapped in silver-lined hopes....

Carrying nothing
But a song...

Of courage and faith....
Of ribbons and curls...

Ruby S. Bernardo

Burn

2012-10-10T14:32:00.001-07:00

- If you feel like dancing, lose yourself then, to raptures of beats and rhythm. Should you be moved, to break into song - rise, if you will - to emotions yet - unexpressed. If you feel a surge, of unbridled joy over life, and its many moments, surrender to it - in bliss and utter euphoria. And, if you would shine,... (from inside out) why then - 'burn'.

Believing

2012-10-10T11:59:00.002-07:00

Just because it can’t be seen, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

Get Happy

2012-03-01T09:41:00.001-08:00

Ruby S. Bernardo

(Just paraphrasing what's written in this article):
1. Believe in Yourself - it's darn hard to "expect" others (best not to expect anyways) to, if you don't!
2. Hang out with happy people - happiness is contagious.
3. You may be 15 or 90 but YOU can still benefit from PLAYTIME.
4. Be optimistic - Negativity just breeeds more of its kind.
5. Connect with others - Expecially those you care about and who care about you
6. Be Grateful - A gratitude journal would be a great way to start.
7. Help others - People who lend a helping hand to others will tell you - there's an indescribable feeling that comes with being able to help, no matter how (big or small).
8. Have you seen the great outdoors lately? Well then go!:-)
9. Music - and lots of it. (One can start with the ones that make you sad - at least it'll bring out emotions that are maybe unacknowledged?) then move on to ones that bring on the smiles..
10. Meditate or Pray - It's all the same to me. It's communing with one's self and the HIGHER being. God's just the greatest listener and no, one needs no eloquence or fancy vocab.
11. Be realistic - And no, it's not settling nor tolerating but seeing and yes - acknowledging things for what they are, sans judgment.

But hey - this article has all the juicy details. I'm all for your happiness, (as we all are) and if sometimes you find yourself feeling 'down in the dumps' - well that's alright too. It gives you perspective on how you can get out of it. How will one ever "travel out of a place" if you don't even know where you are to begin with. It's all good!

And if all these sound daunting - 'how 'bout a smile to kick start it all? :-) Love and more love from here.♥

http://www.realage.com/health-action-plans/your-get-happy-plan-12#fbIndex1

Do What You Love

2012-03-01T09:34:00.001-08:00

Ruby S. Bernardo

After reading this article this is what I came up with:

Consider this, the primary reason you're waking up in the morning would mostly be, if not all - work. (And yes, motherhood is a vocation, full time job and, occupation too!) It's such a huge component of your daily life, that the only way to be really happy with yourself is to know, in your heart of hearts that you are loving what you do. If you've searched high and low and haven't found what you've been looking for, I tell you this from seeing how other people go through their lives either joyful or miserable and yes - from experience - don't let-up with the search. Do not settle.

And as this article will tell you - nothing can be truer when it comes to matters of the heart, you’ll just know, when you find it. Think about couples celebrating their 50th and counting, you ask one or both what it is about the other that made them declare commitment - they just know!! "This is it!!" - "I found it." And as with any fulfilling, wonderful relationship it can only get better, with time.

So if you're in a (pre) occupation that just doesn't fill you up and depletes you rather than blissfully exhaust you - then you're better (best, even!) to not just do anything (except of course if you've taken on piles of mortgages and have "broken the bank" and is paying for all the fun! you've had) but even then, it would be a transgression to yourself and everyone around you - to tolerate a job that doesn't make you want to wake up in the morning for.

It may be hard work (to find what you love - of course you gotta know what you're passionate about before anything and it can take lots of experimenting and soul-searching) but it'll be all worth it. Just ask those who've gone through the worst of times and found it (job, relationship, calling, or anything that requires longevity) - nothing beats "coming home" and savoring every minute of it (no matter the curve balls and interesting moments). As nothing beats doing something as simple as frying an egg, to taking off for the moon, as for yes - true love.

http://www.aaronhung.com/2011/11/30/love-what-you-do/

Being You

2012-03-01T09:21:00.003-08:00

TRUE COLORS

Ruby S. Bernardo

We've all been through the same before. Conforming and depleting our energies if only to fit in. All the while knowing from deep within that the moments that give us the profoundest joys are those when we let go and be who, we really are.

So if you ever find yourself conflicted, lost and bewildered by everything and everyone around you - take a step back and breathe.

Because nothing but nothing is more beautiful than allowing the world to see the many splendid colors of your soul.

http://youtu.be/DpYVDP37GNY