While such a question may play tricks with your head, you should know that it is perfectly reasonable, and that many other people have asked the same question. It is not a sign that you are going crazy, far from it. Your friends keep telling you that you should just move on and forget about your ex, and you agree with them, at least on the surface. But deep down, you keep hearing that little voice telling you to try to get back with your ex. However, there are a few things to think about before you take the next step.

We are working under the assumption that you are asking "why do I want my ex back?" No problem. The first thing you should do is consider what you have just gone through. Remember, a break up can cause problems with your emotions, and prevent you from thinking as clearly as you normally would. This doesn’t mean your thoughts are right or wrong, but you should look at them closely to see how you really feel, and what the real cause of those feelings are.

Chances are that the both of you didn’t meet and instantly have a deep, meaningful relationship; it just doesn’t happen. Especially if either one of you had been hurt before. Relationships typically take time to grow and develop. They also take some work and a certain level of compromise. Needless to say, putting this amount of effort into something, only to see it fail can be devastating. In other words, you don’t really want your ex back, what you really want is for the relationship to work out. After all, you have a part of your heart and soul invested into it.

After you have taken some time to consider why you want your ex back, it’s time to take action. There are really only two choices you have at this stage. You may decide that your mind is playing tricks on you, and that you don’t really want them back. In this case all you need to do is live with those thoughts and let them eventually subside. Your other choice is to accept that your mind is ending you the right message and that you really do want your ex back. If this is your choice, then you have your work cut out for you.

You will have to contact your ex and let them know how you feel. You will have to try to patch things up and show them that it can work out this time. There are changes you’ll have to make, but if you are serious about getting back together, it won’t be too difficult. By following the above advice you will be able to answer the question of "why do I want my ex back" by saying, "I’m glad we’re back together."

Perhaps that’s why sadness, anger, guilt and depression are just a few of the emotions that make having a very hard time coping after break-up a not too uncommon experience. After all, things are going along just fine, because you are either committed to each other already, or about to be…at least that’s what you’re thinking. Then, wham! You find out you are now going through the after break-up. Here are a few ways to help you get through this difficult time more easily.

One of the best things you can do is find useful outlets for your time. While you may feel like punching a hole in the wall or other destructive things, they won’t do anything to help. The key is to find positive ways to use your time. Stay active at work or with your other commitments. If your schedule allows, you can even add an activity or two. Just be careful to not overdo it. There is often a fine line between staying active and denial.

Having a very hard time coping after break-up usually results in crawling into a little hole and wallowing in self-pity. That may be a bit blunt for some, but I hope it shakes them up! You have to be with people. There’s no other way around it.

Talk to a trusted friend, preferably one that doesn’t talk to your ex. Having someone to listen to you will go a long way towards helping you deal with the bad feelings you’re experiencing. Even though friends do their best, sometimes they just aren’t able to listen enough. You can take this idea to the next level by getting help from a mental health professional or find a therapist – some people don’t go out of fear of embarrassment or ridicule, but they are there to help, and are required to keep everything confidential.

Forgiveness can be hard to give, but it is wonderfully liberating. If your ex was at fault, forgive them. Even tougher to do, though, is forgiving yourself. Whether it was really your fault or not isn’t the point. Getting rid of the guilt is.

You may want to avoid everything but you will eventually have to face the fact that you went through a break up. That is, ultimately, the only way to ever get over it completely. You can’t ignore it forever. Bad stuff happens to good people. You have to move on.

Feeling bad after a break-up is normal. Staying attached to those feelings for a long time isn’t healthy. Use the tips above to start getting to a more positive place. Once you do, you will be able to enjoy life much more than you do now.

Of course, we want all the relationships we enter into to be healthy, not just the romantic ones. We want good relationships with friends, families, children, siblings, etc, but for the purpose of this article I’m going to concentrate on the romantic variety of relationships (though much of this advice will work for other types of relationships too),

People make a lot of mistakes on their quest for Breakup.org/get-back/lover'>Love. They overlook very obvious signs of trouble in the beginning. Its’ much easier to end a relationship when you start to see signs that the person you’re involved with isn’t really right for you, early in the relationship. The further the relationship progresses, and the deeper the feelings become, the harder it is to end things.

That’s why it’s so important to take off the blinders right from the start. Now, a word of caution, you can’t get too caught up on every little thing and set your expectations so high that you’re being unreasonable either. No one is perfect, not even you. The trick is to find someone as close to your definition of perfect as possible.

Someone who lies, especially early in the relationship when everyone is supposed to be on their best behavior, should be a deal breaker. Someone who is always a few minutes late, while annoying, might be something you will be able to overlook if everything else is wonderful.

You do have to pick and choose, just like they will have to do with you and your foibles. The point is that things that are a sign of a serious character flaw such as lying, cheating, or being abusive are not the kinds of things that should be overlooked. More often than not, these traits tend to get worse with familiarity which means the longer the two of you are together, the worse things will probably become.

So the next time that ‘great’ new guy you just met makes a ‘joke’ about how fat you’re getting you really need to stop and think. If his ‘jokes’ bother you, tell him. The way he responds will tell you all you need to know. If he sincerely apologizes for hurting your feelings and follows that apology up by not doing it anymore he was probably really just making a joke and meant no harm.

But if he turns it around on you and blames you for being ‘too sensitive’ and then continues to do it over and over again (or some variation thereof) he’s an abusive person and you should kick him to the curb before it goes any further.

There is a lot of information available on how to find and have healthy relationships, and a lot of it can be helpful. But in the end, you’ll have to rely on your own common sense and if you don’t ignore the warning signs early on you’ll greatly increase your chances of finding someone who can make you happy for the long haul.

Plan a weekend away and just go relax and try to reconnect. It doesn’t have to be expensive or even far away. Just somewhere the two of you can spend some time alone and start to rebuild your relationship.

While taking your weekend away, plan to talk things out. Promise each other you will both be as open and honest about everything as you can be. You need to work together to save your relationship.

Another suggestion would be to join a group (maybe your church offers one) that is taking couples on a retreat, if you are both willing. Not exactly couples counseling but if you feel as though you need a relationship rescue, a couples retreat could work out nicely for both of you. You will be required to open up and talk about your feelings during group therapy discussion, compete with the other couples in physical challenges, and learn how to better communicate with your partner by completing specialized communication exercises with your partner.

A couples retreat could be very eye opening and beneficial in learning what your partner thinks about your relationship. You may learn something you did not know about your partner and vice versa. Anything fresh and new that the two of you can share will open up doors you did not know were there and inject new life into your relationship.

When you get home, make a plan for the future. Sit down together and list some goals that you each would like to see happen in one year, five years, ten years. You get the picture. When each of your lists are complete then compare them, see what goals you have in common and try to combine them so you have one list with mutual goals on it. Keep any other goals on a separate list and pick one from it when the mutual goals have been realized in the time frame you chose.

If one of your goals is to remodel a section of the house, again sit down and plan out everything that you think a remodel would entail. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page when it comes to the type of fixtures you want and what you want the finished room to look like. Good communication is necessary to complete a project like a remodel and to reduce or eliminate misunderstandings it is essential to talk things through and have a plan. Whether you plan to do the work yourselves or hire it out communicating effectively with each other and the contractor you hire is very important.

So now you know that if you need a relationship rescue plan, your relationship really is in your hands and the two of you can make it or break it. It is all up to you.

While it’s never too late to make a relationship work, the longer you wait the more work you will have. Try to stop problems in their tracks before they become ingrained patterns of behavior – which will be much harder to deal with down the road.

So, you may be wondering, how can I save my relationship now that things have gotten out of hand? The first, and maybe the hardest, thing you have to do is to honestly assess the relationship. Are you truly convinced that your partner cares as much about the relationship as you do? If not, than it may well be time to call it quits and move on.

It is pretty close to impossible to fix the troubles in a relationship if you are the only one trying. As painful as it might be in the short term, you will most likely find that in the long run you are much happier and you may even wonder why you hung on so long.

If you believe that both of you are committed to making things work than the next order of business is to figure out what you’ve been doing wrong and change it. Easier said than done, I know, but it is possible if the two of you work together.

Change, even change for the better, is a tough thing for most people. Obviously the way you and your partner have been doing things in your relationship isn’t working. If you want things to be better you have to be willing to do things differently, and that can be difficult and scary.

You must be patient with yourself and your partner. You are both undergoing a lot of changes and it isn’t always going to be smooth sailing. If one or the other of you ‘messes up’ be compassionate and don’t beat yourselves up about it.

I realize that in our society we want, and expect, quick and easy solutions to our problems, but it won’t be quick and it probably won’t be easy. Be willing to put in the time and effort that it takes to get the results you need and want. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and forgive your partner for their mistakes. If you both do that, you will already be further ahead of most couples.

Finding relationship rescue for your tattered relationship is as close as your partner. Just talking and deciding if you are both of the same page when it comes to your relationship (and if you are both willing to do what it takes to make it work) is sometimes all you really need to do.

Of course, there are many reasons trust can be lost. Sometimes it’s fairly ‘small’ like when your spouse belittles you in front of others. Other times it can be even worse such as in the case of infidelity. This can be virtually impossible to overcome.

If you’re willing to try, step one is to figure out what you did to break the trust in the first place. Obviously, if it was infidelity that will be pretty clear. But if it was something a little less extreme like ridiculing your partner or making fun of them all the time, it might take some digging to figure out why you felt the need to hurt the one person you’re supposed to Breakup.org/get-back/lover'>Love above everyone else.

Sometimes the more subtle betrayals can be a sign of some deep seated resentment against your partner. You need to get to the bottom of that issue to figure out what it is before you can make any kind of change.

If you’ve cheated than you will also need to figure out why. In many cases it’s about a lot more than just being attracted to another person. It’s often a sign that you’re unhappy with your partner and / or a severe character flaw of yours. Whatever the case may be the first step to trying to rebuild trust with your partner is to identify the problems so that you can fix them so you never repeat your mistake.

It’s going to take a lot to get your partner to trust you again, the last thing you want to do is to repay that trust by hurting them and betraying them again. Before you ask for a second chance you better make darn sure you’re up to the challenge of never betraying them again.

Once you’ve identified the problem and have taken steps to make sure it doesn’t happen again, it’s time to talk to your partner. Explain to them that you’ve been working on yourself and fixing your issues. Ask them for another chance. Even if they say ‘yes’ you have to understand that you’ll essentially be on ‘probation’ for a long time.

You have to be willing to overlook a little paranoia on their part. It’s going to be very difficult for them to completely let their guard down again and it’s likely to take quite a long time before they do. They’ll need to see a lot of proof that you’ve really changed first.

Regaining trust in a relationship will take a lot of time, Breakup.org/get-back/lover'>Love and patience. It’s not impossible if both parties are willing to try, but make sure that both of you enter into the process with your eyes wide open and don’t expect a quick fix.

Few people really understand what cheating is really all about. People think that is is about Breakup.org/get-back/lover'>Love or sex, and sometimes it is, but more often than not cheating is simply a poor reaction to something that is going on in the primary relationship.

For example, if you have a couple that has been together for many years and things are not quite as easy as they once were, one partner may stray to alleviate their frustration, guilt, resentment, etc. In other words, cheating is usually the response of an immature and selfish person to something that is happening in their life that they don’t like.

Instead of working to find solutions and facing and addressing the problem head on, they choose to bury their head in the sand and find someone who can help them forget their problems for a little while.

Of course, everyone knows that that won’t work for the long term. Sure, they may be able to find some peace and maybe feel good or desirable for a short time, but it won’t last. In the end they are only making matters much, much worse. They will have more problems to deal with when they finally decide to grow up and take care of business.

So, now that you know what cheating is, and isn’t, here are some things you can do to repair the relationship after an affair:

1. The first thing you must understand, and this applies if you were the cheater or the one cheated on, is that this is a process and will usually take a long time. The road ahead is going to be painful and long and if you aren’t going to commit to seeing it through you would be better off just ending the relationship right here and now.

2. Most couples won’t be able to do all the rebuilding on their own, you may want to consider finding a counselor to work with. It’s difficult for a couple to hold their own hurt, anger and frustration in check during this process but if you don’t you and your partner won’t be able to accomplish anything.

For that reason having an objective third party counselor can mean the difference between success and failure.

3. You must be aware that even if you and your partner are able to stay together and rebuild your relationship, the infidelity may come up again in times of stress. I don’t mean that either of you will cheat, though that is always a possibility, but I mean that the old angers and frustrations of the affair may come back up and unexpected times and cause problems.

If you want to find a way back to the loving relationship you and your partner had before cheating, please understand that it may not be easy but it can be done. Relationship cheating doesn’t have to mean the end of the relationship as long as you Breakup.org/get-back/lover'>Love each other and are willing to work together.

The question then becomes one of being able to identify what their actions are. And the best way to do that is to observe the type of men they end up, regardless of what they say they want. While women may say they want a sensitive man with a good sense of humor, and one that listens; they go out with men who aren’t sensitive, make plenty of money, dominate conversations, and may or may not be all that funny.

The reason why women do this may surprise you. It’s not because they don’t know what they really want, it’s because they don’t know that they know what they really want. Okay, that may sound confusing, but it isn’t. What we are talking about is the subconscious mind, and that’s where the best relationship advice for men comes from.

It all comes down to one thing: The propagation of the species. This has been the underlying factor since the dawn of humanity, and its power is found in both men and women. While having children with a particular man may be the furthest thing from her mind (as far as she knows), deep down in the subconscious, she is evaluating mates for their ability to be a good father for her potential family.

We then get back to the things women say they want. Does having a good sense of humor mean he will be a strong protector and bread winner for the family? Not really. And it’s the sense of security and ability to provide food for the family that the subconscious is most concerned with.

Let’s take a quick look at biology to see why this is so important. Men have the ability to reproduce for, in theory, from the onset of puberty until they die; that’s a big window of opportunity. On the other hand, women have a much smaller window in which they can viably reproduce. Therefore, women can’t afford to gamble, and need a partner that will be able to provide for the long-term.

In today’s world, these deep-seated desires manifest themselves in various ways. In past centuries women may have dreamt of marrying royalty, as they were the ultimate providers. Today, princes and kings have been replaced by athletes, celebrities and rock stars. Another bit of evidence is the engagement ring. It not only shows that the man has the ability to provide, but also that he is will to share the fruits of his labor (and you thought it was simply romantic).

So, when it comes to relationship advice for men, don’t worry about all the static and conflicting viewpoints. All you really need to do is dig down to the subconscious level to see what women really want, no matter what they think they want.

There are a huge number of relationship philosophy and psychology books out on the market but every one you read appears to contradict the others. In a recent interview, even Dr Phil, the relationship expert,admitted that most therapist and counselors don’t know how to fix a partnership. Sure they will give you the theory and the reasons behind some types of behavior, but whether that sorts out your particular problem is more a matter of luck than anything else. Often they come from a background of broken relationships, but you won’t know this as your counselor never divulges their personal details to their clients.

Every partnership is different and while some issues between men and women i.e. who wants more sex, who does the most housework, who earns the most money, who minds the kids more often; can be similar. However at the end of the day the issues you are facing are as a direct result of who you and your partner are.

Does that mean you can’t find help? Of course not but you don’t need a relationship psychology course to do it. What you need is a great self help book that will help you to communicate and relate to your partner better. Something for both of you to read and share.

I suggest the Magic of Making Up as it is written by a man which is rather unusual to start with. Mr Jackson is very happily married and committed to helping his clients either become that way or remain that way. You only have to read some of the comments from his readers to see what impact the book had on their lives. Perhaps you have come to the end of your partnership, as I am not going to lie and say every relationship can be saved, but at least wait before making your decision until you read this book. Then you will be armed with the knowledge to make the right decision for you, your partner and if appropriate your kids.

It takes guts to admit that there are issues in your partnership that need working on. It is so much easier to put your head in the sand and hope that they will go away. But the sad fact is that most won’t disappear for good. They may go away for a little while but they will come back and perhaps even worse than before. Problems have a way of developing a life of their own if they are not dealt with quickly and efficiently.

You and your partner have invested a lot in each other and so you should be willing to take one more step to try to prevent a Breakup. So forget about studying relationship psychology and instead concentrate on making each other happy once again.

When it comes to handling a Breakup there are two distinct lists you need to follow: a list of what to do and a list of what not to do. If you follow both lists you can move on a lot easier. Here are the dos and don’ts:

DO:

Enjoy yourself. Have fun (as much as possible at least). Even though it may seem impossible if you surround yourself with a good group of friends you can actually have a little fun during this time, you just have to let yourself. Allow yourself to be distracted and don’t hang on to your pain, try to learn to let it go or at least learn to put it (and leave it) in the back of your mind. Spending time with your pals doing fun things can help you accomplish that goal.

Go for that makeover you’ve been thinking about. Now is a great time to focus on you in a positive way. It may be time to get n shape, move, learn a new skill, take up a new hobby, get some new clothes, or just get a new hairstyle. It doesn’t have to be big it just needs to be something that will make you feel more positive about yourself and the future and give you a reason to smile.

Only allow yourself to think about your relationship from the standpoint of what you can learn from your mistakes. This is not the time to wallow and obsess over every conversation and all the endless what ifs. This is the time to analyze what went wrong and what you can do in your next relationship to make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes. This may mean that you redefine the type of person you become involved with in the first place.

DON’T:

Don’t try to talk your ex into getting back with you. Even if there is a chance that the two of you can reconcile some day, you need to give things time so you can be sure you are getting back together for the right reasons and not just because you’re afraid of being lonely. Give it time.

Don’t rewind every conversation and every comment to death. As I said above, any time you think of your relationship it should be from the standpoint of what can I do better next time and not what should I have done differently this time.

Don’t hook up with everyone you find. That is not fair to you or the new person in your life. They don’t deserve to feel like they are second string just because you are hurting. Just keep your social interactions restricted to family and friends and put the romance on hold for a while.

In all aspects of life we can be challenged to find the right path and to do the right things. This is very true when it comes to finding constructive things to do to help you move on after relationships end. By following the simple common sense advice above you will greatly improve your chances of moving on more quickly, with less pain, and with less baggage. Don’t make things harder than they already are, use your head while your heart is mending.