How to be an English Major

2013-11-15T00:50:00.002-05:00

We've Got Everything

2011-01-21T00:44:00.002-05:00

Well, I didn't want to write about my first day of class, until I had a first week of class. Today was the second of my two Milton classes for the week, my third class with a wonderful professor, who will remain nameless. Haha.

Tuesday was my first day of classes, and I had a lot of people who were treating it as if it were my first day of kindergarten... This is probably because I was acting a little bit like it was my first day of kindergarten. I was super nervous. I left at 12:15 p.m. The drive, according to Google maps, was supposed to take 55 minutes, and class started at 2 p.m. Haha. I'm a dork. I pulled into my parking space at 1:20 p.m., because I got a little bit lost on Fairmount circle trying to find the campus. I got a really good parking spot (both days actually), and I found my classroom rather quickly.

So, here I go into class thinking that there are only 5 people in the course, because that's how many were signed up online. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that this meant that the rest of the course is made up of undergraduate students. You know how every time you get older, you make fun of the age group that you were just in? Well, I'm about to do that. I didn't quite fit in, because I didn't have my North Face jacket or my giant quilted bag to carry all my belongings in. :)

The class itself was good. I never thought Milton was worth anything, but apparently he wrote a TON of stuff. He's also very relevant to a Jesuit university. My professor is extremely smart, but she wouldn't blow me away until my next class.

The school I'm attending is very very small. Compared to Akron, it has the volume level of a library, except for in the little dining room where they blare 107.9. Normally, I love this station, but in a room with old men, gossiping girls, and nerdy Asian students, I don't really feel comfortable hearing "You wanna see some ass, I wanna see some cash." I did eat a WONDERFUL sandwich from Einstein bagels, which I've never tried before. You see, Tuesday is my long day. I have a 3 hour break between classes, and with an hour commute, I have no need to go back home.

After food and boredom, I went to an orientation. It was uneventful. That's really all I can say about it. Nothing happened. Actually, I take that back, I got some information, including a fold out card from the Health Services place with the guy from Operation on it. It talked about STI awareness and GYN services.

Then, I had my Chaucer class. This is where said professor knocked my socks off with her impeccable Middle English. If ever I met someone who could speak this dialect fluently, it was her. She also remembered me from the earlier class I attended, a very good sign.

Today, I had Milton again. I need to get out of my comfort zone and just speak up, because right now, I'm still that shy nerd that gets completed intimidated by the jocks sitting and snickering behind me. I also hate when I have a thought in my head, don't offer it, and then the professor says it. I am smarter than I give myself credit for sometimes.

The title of the blog? Well, it's a Modest Mouse song. It also represents my crazy life right now. I have three part-time jobs, go to school full-time, and I'm hoping to purchase and drive home a new car tomorrow night. I took it for a spin and talked a bit about details today, but we'll see how things work out tomorrow. I feel like I'm scything through any obstacle that comes my way!! Exciting.

Radioactive

2011-01-18T00:17:00.002-05:00

Hello everyone!

So, after almost a year of not publishing, I've decided to begin writing in this blog again. I tried to find my way in the world, and I met with some huge obstacles along the way. Now, I've made the decision to go back to school. I would ultimately like to get my phd in English, so I can teach at a University and infiltrate young minds.

This semester, I'm taking some interesting literature classes that I'm hoping will give me some insight for my blog entries. I start classes tomorrow, and I'm really nervous. I haven't been to school in almost two years, and I'm hoping that it's much like riding a bike.

I just read one of the entries I wrote before I stopped writing a year ago, and I was so excited about my life in Virginia. Not long after I wrote that, my life in Virginia came to a halt. No more music room, no more boyfriend, no more job... I moved back in with my parents. It took me about six months to get my head on straight. I spent a lot of time sad, but then, one day, I decided to take charge.

I went out and got a job at Old Navy, and I applied for grad school. The hardest part for me was moving back into my room. I spent many months living out of boxes, bins, and suitcases, because I just didn't want to deal with the inevitable. I didn't want to officially move back home and away from the relationship that I lost. But, recently, I spent a few days cleaning my room, going through things, buying furniture, and redecorating! My "unmentionables drawer" was a lamp box for eight months, and it was amazing to finally throw it away! I feel great, and I'm ready to start over!

I think positivity and hard work can really get us a long way. I feel like we could all benefit from more of it.

I'll let you know how class goes tomorrow. :)

Jimmy Olsen's Blues

2010-03-09T12:30:00.002-05:00

There's that one song that says, "Gettin' money's the only thing on my resume." I wish I could have a resume like that...

If I could include any details about myself in my resume that I want, I would say a lot... I would let people in on all the little things that make me me... including:

In fourth grade, I won the spelling bee.

I'm really good at math... or at least I used to be. I took Calculus. Most people don't know this, just because I don't like doing math.

There are probably over a dozen websites online where you can find my work... it just doesn't have my name attached.

When I try to write a steady blog... I always get bored with the subject matter and neglect it... hence why I work for other people. Money motivates.

I have a handful of songs on my computer that I have written or recorded. They are usually turned off so they won't play on shuffle or anything, but if I've been drinking, I'll let people listen.

I have a MUSIC room in my apartment. It's got my keyboard, melodica, mic, and all my music posters... When I have a music room in my house, it's going to have a piano.

I'm a published poet, and I have a ready for print manuscript that I consider my little baby. I haven't written too much poetry since then, because I'm so proud of my manuscript and I don't want to disappoint myself.

I always have these grand ideas for scripts, novels, and songs, but I never pen them down... If there was a program that just recorded all my thoughts, I'd be painfully rich and successful. I'll walk around my apartment for weeks coming up with a film or album idea.

The sunshine=motivation.

Wait it Out

2010-03-03T12:35:00.004-05:00

So, I haven't written in this blog since October. I've been a busy girl. Long story short, I live and work in Virginia now. While I'm not a famous novel writer, and I haven't landed that job at the publishing company, I am still freelancing, which is a little bit less than rewarding right now, but I have high hopes. Being an English major doesn't really help me at my job at Hallmark... (and no, I don't write cards), but it's a job nonetheless.

Today, I would like to talk about freelance writing. I would like to talk about client/writer relationships. I will discuss good characteristics of clients, and I will discuss what no writer wants to hear (or read via e-mail). I read a blog this morning on the Freelance Writing Jobs Network that says you shouldn't call out the bad clients on writing blogs such as that one, but I don't necessarily agree. Freelance writers are among the most mistreated writers, I think. I would like to know if the client I'm about to sign an agreement for is going to rip me off.

My favorite clients are those who are completely honest. They don't offer me steady work necessarily, but they are honest about the possibility of having or not having articles or web content for me to write. They expect an answer from me promptly on when I can have the work completed, and I expect payment promptly when the work is finished.

One of my greatest pet peeves is a client with an obscure pay structure or an unreliable pay schedule. I remember waiting almost a month after the time I was supposed to be paid. I had to hound the client with daily e-mails... trying to sound passive, but getting more and more aggressive with every e-mail... I also had a client who got angry at me for asking about payment, and telling me to refer to the "normal pay schedule." I never got any sort of pay schedule. I appreciate those who pay promptly, or content sites that have bimonthly pay periods and pay their writers on time.

Another problem is low pay. Many clients say, "oh, you can make 15-20 dollars an hour if you work hard." I would really like to gather up these clients, put them in a classroom, and put them to the test. There are some clients who are right. If you're allowed to write about a subject you're knowledgeable about, and you can produce a well-written work with no research, this can be true. But for topics that you may not have extensive knowledge of, you might spend an hour researching and another hour trying to come up with 500 words on a subject that takes 350 to explain. I recently called out "uncle" on a writing job that was literally paying me three dollars an hour after all the research I had to do.

I find that these low paying and unreliable clients are the ones that have a large team of writers to deal with. They don't treat their writers as individuals, but more like little computers that put together articles. I like my clients that don't have 100 writers under them; they don't have big egos and they are more flexible.

I like clients that trust I know what I'm doing. My best clients have been people who work on websites or computers that make websites and put together SEO packages... they are extremely experienced, but they call on me to do the actual writing. Whether it be for articles promoting the websites or for actual web content. These are the people who have paid my bills and made me happy to be a writer. Thank you to you!

I would like to point out that I have been a client too. I've never paid my writers for their articles, but once upon my website, I gathered a team of bloggers to write what they know. I gave them specific guidelines and told them how often I wanted a blog. Only two of the six or so writers actually followed through and gave me regular articles. I understood that I wasn't offering payment, so I never had harsh words for the other writers, I simply told them if they didn't want to write, I would take their bio off my site.

All this being said, I don't feel like naming the clients that angered me, because it could just start a war of words or make me less credible as a writer. I am definitely ready to move into an editing position now... a lot of the editors I've worked under don't do any work and only have negative things to say. I once had an editor who sent back an article because my headers weren't in bold. It probably took them more time to send the article back than it would to fix it. I would LIKE to be an editor, because I would be hands on. I would help the writers become better, more articulate, and I would fix any small mechanical errors, because that's what I would be getting paid to do.

To my freelance writers out there, keep your heads up. I remember the number of complaints I saw online when I started almost two years ago, and I must say they have decreased. Freelance writers everywhere are demanding more respect and standing up against clients who are treating them unfairly. Good luck to all of you.

Working Day and Night

2009-10-25T22:53:00.002-04:00

The Bureau of Labor Statistics updates the state unemployment rates each month. You might want to consider relocating...

Former economic crisis website, Layoff Daily, has shut down due to... well... the economy.

Let's chat about some popular job seeking trends... A lot of unemployed people are resorting to the "work at home" world, which promises fast and large payouts. Unfortunately, if it sounds too good to be true, it often is. Craigslist boasts a number of these remote jobs, but most of them are scams, attempting to get people to pay money for e-books, services, and memberships that will then bring them a hefty paycheck. Just because there is a picture of a Google Adsense paycheck doesn't mean that the website is legit. People who truly make money from Google Adsense are generally not allowed to disclose the exact amounts of what they rake in. If you find a data entry job that hires people without experience, it is most likely not a legit offer. Residual income websites are also popular and promise to make you revenue, but any revenue website requires two things to be successful, time and effort. You have to create a steady stream of articles for a prolonged period of time in order to make any money. Websites that used to be honest in the work at home opportunities they researched have now been bought out by writing companies that have been deemed "shady" in the past.

Even Yahoo Hot Jobs and Careerbuilder are saturated in scams. I have received numerous e-mails from the latter in my Spam folder, promising employment and lots of money. The simple solution is to type in the company name into your Google search engine, followed by the word "scam." This will tell you if the company in question is legit or fake. Any site that talks about transferring money from different bank accounts will rob you completely blind. Do NOT participate with these websites. Remember, anyone can make a professional looking webpage... I applied for a job and didn't hear back for a few days. I called them late one evening to see if the company was real. A tired gentleman answered the phone... clearly, I had awakened him. Wrong number. Illegitimate business.

Be careful. Working at home is not an easy way out to losing your job or finding employment quickly. If you are an independent contractor or self-employed, you have to pay taxes on all of your earnings. Freelance jobs often pay little money, and the flow of work isn't always steady. Keep checking out my favorite job website, Indeed.com, for open positions in your area.

I Can't Do It Alone

2009-09-29T23:21:00.003-04:00

Oh man, I am so sick of the daily job search.

I wake up to a rejection e-mail or two... hastily delete them... and then the search begins...

I started with Indeed, then Monster, then freelance writing gigs, and then whatever other site I want to explore. I look for customer service jobs, administrative assistant jobs, jobs at banks, jobs at insurance companies, writing jobs, editing jobs, jobs at newspapers, marketing jobs.

Sometimes, when I get desperate, I pull up the yellow pages... get the local advertising or marketing agencies, the publishers, or some other industry that I could deal with, and look at each individual website, go to the About or Contact Us page and see if they're hiring. Even if they aren't hiring, I sometimes send an inquiry letter and resume.

When that's done, I usually do the dishes, fold some laundry, shower, get dressed... come back and check my e-mail. Then, my family comes home and I hang out with them for awhile. I check my e-mail probably every hour... I check Indeed about three times a day.

After dinner, I check my e-mail again... and then I finally decide to look at Craigslist. I really never find anything there... it's mostly all spam anyways. Then, I type whatever articles I have piled up that are due to my clients... watch my shows... search more... go to bed.

Sometimes I catch a cool break. Like the other day Geico called for a phone interview. I did extensive research about what it was like to work there, how to get hired, blah blah blah. I had it solid. I was ready.

I nailed the phone interview, which wasn't an interview... it was mostly me saying I would do anything to work there. This morning at 7 a.m. I got an e-mail saying I was no longer being considered for a position...

I can't describe to you the feeling... I thought I would at least get an interview. Everyone tries to make you feel better... "Well, it wasn't meant to be... you didn't want that job anyway." Yes, I did want that job, or else I wouldn't have applied for it.

Here's the other thing. People are always trying to give me advice about where to work... "work as a secretary for a medical office..." (usually this requires prior experience or medical knowledge) "work at a retail store and just say you don't have a degree" (wtf? dumbest thing I've ever heard... get underpaid on purpose and lie on applications... I'm sorry I would rather be unemployed and maintain dignity and morals). People have their perfect idea of how to get me employed, but they don't realize that I've already been there. Sorry. And then if I tell them I've already tried that in my job search, they look at me like I'm a failure or lazy.

I have a more rejections than I can count. A lot have come in the form of e-mails that I delete quickly. I got a postcard rejection from a local newspaper, and a letter from a local SEO company. I had one job interview before I graduated at a commission only position, which I received and worked for three weeks before I realized that "average of 900 dollars a week" was a hoax and the joke was on me. I had two other job interviews... one where I wasn't taken seriously at all, even though I spent hours on their written tests. The other was actually very nice and really professional, but they decided to go with someone with a more specific background.

Most of my rejections have come in the form of no answer. I found a job on Craigslist that I was super excited about... I called the office number at 2 a.m. to see if it was legit, and some tired man answered... :( Again, the joke was on me.

I like writing. I like poetry, but I understand that isn't a career. People say that what's meant to happen will happen, but I don't know if I believe that anymore, because I've tried everything aside from going back to school. I don't have the money to go back to school... I'm just waiting for my break... It's been 6 months since I started looking, my stamina and soul are wearing thin. I lied in bed almost all day today, because each new rejection feels like 100 more. With every rejection, I feel I'll never get there... I'll never realize what I'm supposed to do or where I'm supposed to be.

I understand the economy is bad. But I'm a smart and qualified girl. I am well-spoken, polite, a fast learner, and I work damn hard. Any employer would be LUCKY to have me. At least I haven't lost sight of that part of things.

Beautiful

2009-09-24T16:47:00.002-04:00

I think it's time to give some props to the celebrities that AREN'T being jerks, instead of focusing negative attention on Kanye and Serena and their ridiculous behavior.

Christina Aguilera recently visited Guatemala and did a wonderful PSA for World Hunger Relief.

The Yellow Bird Project has shirts designed by many different independent music artists, such as Bon Iver, Rilo Kiley, and The National, and the proceeds go to various charitable organizations.

Starstrukk

2009-09-09T03:45:00.003-04:00

In her season premiere, Ellen decided to have the top 10 of SYTYCD on her show for a little dance.

Here's a little music connection, connecting my favorite rapper, Drake, to my favorite artist, Bon Iver.

Mary J. Blige has a new song featuring Drake called "The One."

Drake filled in on Lykke Li's remix of the song "Little Bit."

Lykke Li sang a live version of her song "Dance Dance Dance" backed by Bon Iver.

In other news, awesome electro group 3OH!3 has teamed up with Katy Perry to remix their song "Starstrukk." Let me just say it's absolutely amazing. Just announced a few days ago.

Smack My Bitch Up

2009-09-05T14:13:00.002-04:00

So maybe you heard about this story, and maybe you didn't.

Classy and senile old man, Roger Stephens, hits a two year old that won't stop crying at Wal-mart. As if pregnant midriffs hanging out of graphic tees and kids with dirt covered faces tripping you up at Wally World wasn't enough? Now you have to watch out for old men that will beat your children.

I'm serious. This old guy slapped a stranger's baby like four times before another shopper pulled him off.

Just when we thought that Obama's speech to the kiddies and the H1N1 virus were our biggest problems, along comes old man Stephens ruining Walmart's slogan to "save money and live better."

Yes hunnies, I said parents are opposed to Obama's speech to stay in school... The same right wing whack jobs that DEMAND freedom of speech to leave the phrase "one nation under God" in the pledge of allegiance, DO NOT pledge allegiance to the United States of America, because they do not honor and respect our democratic system. These are the people who strongly oppose the president's views and don't want him influencing their children but let them sit in front of the television for hours, being influenced by all the crap and propaganda the media throws their way. These are the people who interpret the Bible to have the meaning that they want it to, when they want it to. (I've got news for you, many religious groups have a very "free" interpretation of the Bible, including the Rastafarians who believe that God wants us to smoke marijuana and back it with passages of scripture.)

I literally heard an old man on the news last night say... and I quote, "What does the president need to talk to kids for? They can't vote."

I'm not kidding.

Now, some of you are probably saying I'm a left wing anarchist liberal right now, but let me tell you something. I voted for McCain. That's right, I felt McCain had more knowledge and less empty promises and that he would protect our boys and girls in the military. However, I'm a fan of common sense. Obama should be allowed to tell the kiddies to stay in school, so they are well-educated and don't end up ignorant like their parents.

My Bubble Gum

2009-09-05T13:52:00.004-04:00

This post isn't going to be about being an English major... it's going to be about a woman's genitals and common comparisons in modern music. I'm talking about all the lyrics rappers write comparing the vagina to food. I think this is super gross for some reason, but here are three examples for you.

1. Bubble Gum- Rasheeda's song My Bubble Gum says, "The type of girl you wanna chew all of my bubble gum..." and Yung Joc has a song lyric in I know you see it, "You chewing on the p**sy like a piece of bubble yum..."

2. Peaches and Cream- 112 has a fun song that came out a few years ago, unfortunately it compares females to "peaches and cream."

3. Blue Cheese- Really Lil Wayne? In his song entitled Pmw (I'll let you look up what that stands for), he sings the following, "I like to see your booty roll like sushi, I'm tryin' to dip my celery up in her blue cheese." Sick.

And for your further entertainment... I've procured a very extensive list of slang terms for the vagina... 264 terms... but they forgot "squish mitten."

The Orient. And the Gatby's Slew of Choices

2009-09-01T04:30:00.003-04:00

I've been recently doing a bunch of things that I never really got to do or considered doing before in my life.

I have been working on getting my license for ministry. This means I can perform weddings and start my own church. I've already been ordained and received my certificate.

I have been working on starting my own website for military wives and girlfriends. It's called http://iloveamilitaryman.com. It's so much harder than I thought.

I've been job searching and freelance writing for different clients in the mean time. Not making a ton of money, but hopefully enough to visit Alex soon.

I've just downloaded Justin Vernon's "Self-Record" or "Self-Titled" album from 2005. I can't find the lyrics anywhere, so I'm working on transcribing them myself. It's pretty hard because he's a hard guy to understand... but something is better than nothing.

I got to go on a Naval destroyer when I visited Alex last. For like 12 hours. We rode on the Atlantic and they shot off blanks on the guns. I got to meet Alex's buds, and I think they approve... his best friend's last name is Bailey... how weird is that?

I feel weird being at home when everyone else is in school. I feel like a guest in my house every time it smells like fall, because fall and spring are the two times that I've barely spent any time at home in the past four years.

I have also been staying up late. Obviously.

Will You Be There?

2009-08-02T14:09:00.005-04:00

Speculation about Michael Jackson's death is getting annoying.

People who were fans of Michael don't want to see all the negative publicity and all the saddening press that is swirling around the media. They want to remember him for the wonderful musical artist he was, and for all of his great songs.

People who were friends and family of Michael don't want to hear all these things, because not only are they sad about Michael, but they are also hurtful reminders of the loss they have just recently experienced.

People who did not like Michael Jackson don't want to hear anything about him. They just don't care. They'll change the channel.

So why are we still speculating about things that won't bring back the King of Pop? Because that's what the media does. They dig and dig until there is absolutely nothing left for them to make a dime off of.

In my journalism class we studied journalistic ethics. These don't really seem to apply for television media. TMZ can make up anything they want. The media can change an old cardboard box into the young gold-digging mistress of a dead celebrity.

Turn off your television today. Go outside and be in the real world. If someone looks at you with a judging eye at the beach, feel sorry for them. They don't know how to really live.

The Battle

2009-05-19T01:53:00.004-04:00

Shakespeare mentions the "wheel of fortune" in his writings. In my life experience, this is something I've grown to believe in. It's easier to believe in the Rota Fortunae than God, karma, and the weatherman.

Things go up and things go down.

In the weeks prior to graduating from college, I felt on top of the world. I got a job, I had a plan, I had my best friends behind me, I had taken trips to Chicago...

I graduated with Honors and a 3.7 GPA from college.

Then, it all just started crumbling like an old fresco in a Renaissance church.

My job turned out to be anything but what I expected. A telemarketing position for no pay... when I was getting 8.50 for an easier job while still in school. My plans were relied on my job, and now those plans are in the toilet. My trips to Chicago also rely on a job, and now that I don't have a paying job, I can't visit the boyfriend.

I have been applying for jobs like crazy... bank jobs, receptionist jobs, writing jobs, editing jobs, internet jobs, hourly jobs... I check my e-mail religiously...

I have found no jobs...

I'm just not quite sure what to do. I'm waiting for my Rota Fortunae to spin. When I need a quick shot of karma, especially musical karma, I take a look at Jason Mraz's blog.

Infatuation

2009-05-05T22:07:00.002-04:00

I'm the new Cleveland Examiner for Indie Music.

Brand new.

Check out my home page and my articles.

Half Asleep

2009-04-18T12:25:00.004-04:00

Beautiful new song by School of Seven Bells to describe exactly how I feel right now.

I had a group job interview today. It was my first real job interview, and it was a very interesting experience indeed. I'm glad there wasn't any real interviewing... the president of the company simply explained what they were about and what the job is about. And to think, my mom spent almost $200 buying me new "real people" clothes at Kohls. Fancy jackets, silky shirts, cute dresses that go to the knee, and a nice pair of dress pants (that only cost $8.80!!). I felt like a little kid wearing her mothers clothing and too big high heels when I went on that interview today.

I'm not a grown-up haha. At least, I don't think of myself as one. I'm doing grown-up things, graduating from college, looking for apartments, looking for jobs, working on my resume... goodness. I'll be a successful English major before you know it.

All that I know for sure is that I want an electronic cigarette. Perhaps I should wait until they're FDA approved.

With the Notes in My Ears

2009-03-31T00:04:00.004-04:00

Grey's Anatomy has had some really good music this season... from Bon Iver and Gomez (who will be at Bonaroo this summer... I want to go so badly!!) to Peter Broderick, "With the Notes in My Ears," and The Cinematic Orchestra, "To Build a Home." Definitely songs worth checking out.

Also, Manchester Orchestra's new song is really good. I'll give you a link for that one.

In other music news, I recently bought a melodica that is on it's way to my house.

The melodica is a pretty cool musical instrument. I first saw it at Jason Mraz's concert. Lisa Hannigan and her wonderful band opened for Mraz, and I was like "what in the world is that keyboard they are blowing into?" I forgot all about it until I saw videos from Bon Iver's Take Away Show in France. For, Emma is awesome with a melodica (thanks Katja for showing me this link in the first place). Justin Vernon is such an amazing musician. I looked up the instrument, and knew I had to purchase one.

My fellow classmates and I have recently been writing about animal experiences in our Nonfiction class, and after reading a story about groundhog's, I wanted to share a website with you that is all about animals and guaranteed to brighten your day.

Get Up, Get Out

2009-03-19T04:28:00.005-04:00

The picture is from explodingdog.com. The caption reads, "welcome to forever, feel free to look around."

I have officially joined twitter. It's like a constant facebook status. I don't have any real friends on it, just a couple of musical artists that I like to keep up with, like Imogen Heap. Her album needs to come out already. She's been documenting all her work on a series of vblogs.

They're just making me more anxious.

I've just discovered that Bon Iver's frontman, Justin Vernon, had an ep out before Bon Iver existed... I'm currently trying to upload some of the tracks I've found and some of the tracks I just discovered on Imeem to put together an Imeem playlist to share! The playlist also has Bon Iver and Justin Vernon's songs from the awesome compliation, Dark Was the Night...

Here's the Justin Vernon playlist.

Eyes

2009-02-02T01:49:00.006-05:00

I chose this postsecret card, because I dreamt my whole life of going to New York City, and having a successful and fabulous life there, but when I visited in December, I missed my boyfriend so much, I couldn't enjoy NYC. Somehow, I think I'll be much more keen to Chicago. :)

When I was a senior in high school, my english teacher told me that he was disappointed with the work he got from me, that he wished he could've seen my full potential...
now I'm an English major in college with a really good GPA.

I could have gotten straight a's in college, but then I wouldn't be as close with the people I am now. I'll forget the times I went to class hungover, but I won't forget the great moments I've had.

I get made fun of by some people for hanging out with people a little bit younger than me, people that graduated from the same high school as me, but around those people, I can completely and fully be myself and never feel weird.

In exactly three months from now, I have absolutely no idea where I'll be.

Money Babies

2009-01-21T10:54:00.002-05:00

First and foremost, you need to listen to this blog title's song! The Dears are amazing!

Now, it's almost Spring... which means people need new clothing... lol. I highly suggest this website for some great fashion at decent prices. This website also has cool clothes, but I especially love the jewelry!! Modcloth is awesome, I bought a jacket from there... I was very pleased with the shipping time, and they even threw in a coupon for the next time I buy their stuff!

So, I'm a total sucker for Postsecret proposals... and here's the latest...

Then the guy who sent in the secret wrote this:
Frank,

Sorry for not letting you know a little sooner. We have both been calling our family and friends since it happened. It all went down around 10:30 this morning. After getting out of bed, I grabbed the ring from where I had been hiding it for nearly two months. Being my birthday, I just finished opening my presents from my girlfriend. I then got the laptop out to check the weather, and we started to look at the secrets.

I was actually very nervous/excited as we scrolled down the page. As we got to it, my girlfriend asked what the card above ours was a picture of. I was somewhat concerned she had already seen ours, but she hadn't. I then scrolled down to our card. She was looking at the card for a while, and then looked at me. At the time, she was wondering if that was really our cat or not.

I then reached into my pocket, took out the ring box, and got down on one knee. Before I even asked, she kissed me. She was crying, and my eyes also started to tear up. I then took her hand and asked her to marry me. Her answer was yes!!! I then had to go into a discussion of how it all came to be. She was definitely surprised by the date of the proposal as well as my method of proposing. Frank, I would like to thank you again for your agreeing to do this.

It couldn't have been better. The date is set for March 13, 2010 .

If you're like me, and you have a boyfriend who is in the military, let me just say that you should definitely check out forums... it's a great way to meet people who are going through the same things you are. I've already made two friends that I can talk to.

Ok, that's the news update for today. P.S. Congrats to Obama.

A Spell, A Rebel Yell

2009-01-14T23:23:00.005-05:00

Hello. So, school has just started, and my last semester of college is going to be so busy, I doubt I'll have much time to reflect.

First off... check out Coldplay's new
album... they sing the song listed in the title.

This semester, I'll be letting a lot of people see my poetry for my Senior Honors Project, which is terrifying... my poetry has always been something that I keep very close. Sometimes I think I copped out... an English major doing poetry for the Senior Honors Project? I trust that my sponsor will do a good job of commenting on my work and helping me to make it better.

I miss my boyfriend more than I can describe in words. Since he left, I don't feel like the same person anymore... I feel like a sadder more boring version of myself. People have all those dumb cliches about the person they love... like "he makes me a better person" or "absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that sappy stuff, but I'm beginning to realize why people say these things.

I talked to my boyfriend's good friend tonight. Somehow, talking to his friends always makes me feel closer to him. Especially when they tell me stories about him. This particular friend reminded me of the time that my boyfriend got naked and jumped in a pond while drunk... haha. If it wasn't for this particular friend, I wouldn't have met my boyfriend, because he's the one who convinced my boyfriend to come to the party where we met. He's also the friend that did the matchmaking, and told me "oh he really likes you... he talks about you all the time, and what a great girl he thinks you are." His friend is currently in Colorado, and my boyfriend is in Chicago, and I think they both need to come back now.

Well... what else? You'd better check out this song. I listen to it on the way to class to keep from turning back because of the snow. Also, if you ever get a chance check out the movie Committed (2000). I realize that it seems hokey, but the message is real. That, and Heather Graham is adorable.

This Year's Love

2009-01-05T02:57:00.002-05:00

It's been a really rough 2008.

There were far too many goodbyes that I didn't want to say.

In May, with the end of the semester, I said goodbye to two of my best friends, one moved back home, and one went to Europe.

In August, I said goodbye to a girl that had become a very close friend. She moved to Arizona.

In September, I said goodbye to the best guy friend I've had in a long time. He's in the National Guard, and is spending a year in Egypt. It's scary and sad, and parties are not the same without him.

In November, a really good guy friend of mine passed away. He'd always had health problems, and had been in the hospital for awhile, but no one anticipated that he would not make it. His funeral was the hardest goodbye of my life.

In December, I said goodbye to my boyfriend, he left for boot camp for the Navy. We're staying together, which makes things hard, but hopeful.

So 2008 was dreadful, but a couple of the girls mentioned before are coming back, my National Guard friend will eventually be back, and I get to see my boyfriend in a month or two... so hopefully 2009 is a year of homecoming... and the goodbyes that broke my heart over and over again in 2008 will be a thing of the past.

The Cold Part

2008-12-23T03:26:00.003-05:00

My boyfriend left one week ago for Boot Camp for the Navy. I'm incredibly proud of his decision to join, and I think he's the most amazing man ever.

But, of course, I miss him. I've been doing all the necessary things... listening to music that he likes, listening to the voicemails I have saved from him, wearing his sweatshirt and his hat... talking about him to anyone who will listen.

This is a very new feeling for me... like others I've been recently feeling... and I'm not sure how to handle them...

I've had short distance relationships before... the kind where an hour separates me from the person I'm dating... but even then, it wouldn't be more than a week that I'd go without them... and I would at least talk to them everyday...

Being sad without negative feelings is really strange and new... I don't know how to deal with it...

Daylight Robbery

2008-11-20T12:35:00.002-05:00

I'm friends on facebook with some of the people that I used to go to church with when I was younger. The ones who didn't betray me and stab me in the back. In general, I have fond memories of church, because I choose to remember only the good... and it was good until towards the end. But, oh how much I regret how brainwashed I became. I'm literally embarrassed of some of the things that I did... the frequency I allowed myself to become vulnerable and emotional... the things I thought I was doing wrong and felt immense guilt for. These things aren't right.

So when these old church people invite me to these "Stand up and fight for Christianity!" or "I'm a proud Christian!" groups, I, of course, deny entry and don't want anything to do with them. I'm not a Christian, and I'm not religious. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and most of the Bible, and say my prayers most nights before I go to bed... but I don't see the point in singing about Jesus all the time and crying your eyes out, or stalking people down in the streets and forcing your religion on them.

I think that God wants us to worry more about how we treat others than how we treat him. Everyone pretty much knows the whole schpeel about God at this point, and I don't think he wants us to cram it down peoples throats. I think that if God is really all-knowing and all-loving, that he would get more satisfaction from watching the people that believe in Him succeed in life, and help others, fall in love, make friends, etc. along the way. He doesn't need us to suck up to Him, just to respect him.

So, I'm done with the propoganda and I won't be back at church til I have children, because I want them to get the moral and faith based education, and learn the Bible stories, and have a solid foundation for life... but once they get older... they'll be able to choose... because I wasn't... whether or not they want to continue to go to church...

Amen.

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

2008-11-13T17:19:00.003-05:00

It's extremely hard to celebrate love and feel loss at the same time. It's like your heart is twisting itself in all these different directions and you're just trying to keep up. One minute you're crying, the next you're laughing... and it's okay, because everyone else is doing the same thing.

A few days ago, a really good friend of mine passed away. It was something we all had thought we were prepared for... he had been in the hospital for a month and a half. But you can't really prepare yourself for that kind of thing. His calling hours were Tuesday night, and they were the hardest thing I've had to do in my life. It's easier when someone old dies... but when someone my age dies... it just seems unfair. Amidst the sorrow and pain I felt, I exchanged memories with friends... and laughed while crying. After the calling hours, a bunch of our friends went to the bar to celebrate his life and to grieve. Everyone shared this same feeling... even with the people I had never met who were there... I felt connected to them.

Today, I read a blog one of my best friends wrote about this friend that died... she didn't know him, and the blog wasn't really about him, but more about how she wanted to live her life more fully because of the stories we told about him.

That he can inspire people in his death makes me even more proud of his life.