Hudsonia

Why I'm Not a Proper Soccer Blogger

2008-06-10T23:27:00.002-04:00

Ruud van Nistelrooy was offside.

There is nothing explicit in Law 11 that describes how to treat a defender who is inactive behind the goal line, but within the 'Additional Instructions and Guidelines for Referees' section is the following statement.

If a defending player steps behind his own goal line in order to place
an opponent in an offside position, the referee shall allow play to
continue and caution the defender for deliberately leaving the field
of play without the referee’s permission when the ball is next out of
play.

Let's just look at that first clause again.

If a defending player steps behind his own goal line in order to place
an opponent in an offside position

The clear implication is that a defender behind his own goal line can place an attacker in an offside position. The remainder of the guideline states that if a defender does so deliberately, in order to unfairly gain an advantage, the defender should be cautioned. Logically, if moving behind the goal line was not placing the attacker in an offside position, there would be no advantage gained and therefore no need to caution the defender for attempting to gain this advantage deliberately and unfairly.

Other rules require the referee to divine intent, for example handball (an offence if the player 'handles the ball deliberately'), so this obviously falls into that category. If the player goes out of play due to no fault of their own, then doing so may place an attacker in an offside position; whereas if they step out of play deliberately to try to play an attacker offside, play continues and they get a yellow card for being a cheeky bugger.

This interpretation is in keeping with the spirit of the offside rule as everyone who plays or watches the game would understand it.

Some people have been throwing around USSF advice to referees part 11.11 which appears to say otherwise, but Italy-Holland falls under the auspices of UEFA, not USSF, so their guidelines are as relevant as my guidelines for Martian Kroogball.

Also, if USSF have such a guideline, which apparently they do, or if UEFA have such an interpretation actually documented somewhere, which I have yet to see evidence of, then it is in direct contradiction to the FIFA guideline and cannot be valid, like some unconstitutional law.

Now, referees and linesmen make mistakes all the time. Perfectly good goals are called back for non-existent offsides, and offside goals are allowed (Fabregas). It's all part of the game, no big deal. FIFA or IFAB will presumably come out with a definitive statement at some point one way or the other for what is a rare circumstance in the game and we'll all know for sure in future. And the rule that most needs to be changed in all of football is to direct referee's assistants to call attackers offside only when they are clearly offside; a step beyond 'level is onside' as linesmen consistently call too many debatable offsides.

But what pissed me off was that rather than admit to an honest mistake having been made, UEFA tried to make this out as something other than the blown call that it was.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I stick to transcribing someone else's thoughts on football rather than trying to convey my own. Here's some video, wherein Andy Gray gives Tommy Smyth no respect.

Off-season Housekeeping

2008-06-08T10:26:00.002-04:00

I think Ray mentioned a couple of times in recent broadcasts that he would be heading back to Britain for the summer - hope you enjoy the break, Ray, and come back refreshed and ready for next season. Until then we have Euro2008 and endless transfer speculation to keep us occupied. And some MLS if we get really desperate.

This is as good a time as any to thank the 23,000 or so visitors the blog has had over the last year, especially the 273 who appear to read this about as often as I update it. I was getting a little tired (and lazy) towards the end of this season, so thanks for sticking with me.

Adam at This Is American Soccer did a good interview with Ray recently which you fine people can read at this link here. He also has another interesting interview with the GolTV COO here.

In my non-Ray Hudson-centric life, I've been playing with Twitter for a few months and have found it to be an interesting tool in many ways, so I've set up a Hudsonland account which you should be able to see at the top of the sidebar to the right. I think I'll use it to micro-blog things which wouldn't otherwise warrant a blog post, such as far-fetched excuses for taking two weeks to get around to watch matches.

Other than that, I have no plans for major changes around here in the off-season, primarily because I can't be arsed to think about it. Hey, give me a break, it's too hot.

Y'all enjoy your summer.

Roma vs Internazionale, May 24th

2008-06-06T21:17:00.001-04:00

That is an absolutely Caberet goal and Mexes is Liza Minnelli.
Ray Hudson, half-time

Real Madrid vs Levante, May 18th

2008-05-19T10:59:00.002-04:00

Look at the height that he gets on it to get it over the wall, and the accuracy. The curvaceousness is better than Dolly Parton...
Ray Hudson, 9:41 2nd

Wolfsburg vs Bayern Munich, May 4th

2008-05-09T09:06:00.002-04:00

Ray Hudson likes beer.

Atlético Madrid vs Recreativo Huelva, May 3rd

2008-05-08T21:37:00.002-04:00

You know who wears the pants in that family.
Ray Hudson
He wears the padded shorts.
Phil Schoen
You sympathise severely, as well, Phil. You being in the same predicament, my friend. Giselle, little Peruvian diamond... Gone very quiet over there, Phil...
Ray Hudson, 17:40 1st

Real Madrid vs Athletic Bilbao, April 27th

2008-05-07T21:24:00.002-04:00

You're not gonna get statistics out for the rest of this season and say that there's a better goalkeeper in La Liga, are you Phil? Because if you are I'm going to hit you in your big head.
Ray Hudson, 34:10 2nd

AWOL again

2008-04-24T11:24:00.002-04:00

I know posting has been lighter than usual for a few weeks due to various factors (ok, work) but now I have house-guests for the next week or so, so it's about to drop to zero or thereabouts for a little while.

Consider this your open thread for registering Ray's rhetorical ramblings. Or just let Catherine-Lucia do all the work...

Valencia vs Getafe, April 16th

2008-04-23T06:54:00.002-04:00

Copa del Ray! Thanks to Eric for the reminder.

Ecstasy for Koeman and the boys with the bats on their shirts, they come out like bats out of hell. This game rocks and rolls at the start, it never let up. But it's Valencia's bats that draw first blood. Vampires they are here tonight, and he's hungry for blood...
Ray Hudson, 3:51 1st

Typical ladies, there, chatting away, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. There's a game on!
Ray Hudson, 13:11 1st

Atlético Madrid vs Real Betis, April 19th

2008-04-20T19:04:00.002-04:00

This is pure trail-blazing power-hit by Kun. There ain't much about him, but there ain't much about a barrel of TNT either. This is a powder-keg hit from the Argentine man...
Ray Hudson, 25:09 1st

There's no question here, that's fully intended, he's got his target locked in, Xisco, and he goes calypso!
Ray Hudson
Could have sworn it was going to be disco. But anyway...
Phil Schoen, 4:27 2nd

Blogiversary

2008-04-14T12:31:00.002-04:00

One year since this. It seemed such a harmless idea at the time.

Recreativo Huelva vs Barcelona, April 12th

2008-04-12T19:30:00.003-04:00

He's going disco in a big way after this one. And I mean a big way. This is Barry White disco, this hit. And let the music play, Barcelona. What a scorcher by Samuel, brilliant control, this is all deadly technique. This is practice ground hitting, but not for Samuel Eto'o, because come show time the big man gets up and dances like Fred Astaire...
Ray Hudson, 45:50 2nd

This is a Glenn Close finish, Phil. Just when you think she's a goner, she lurches up and she sinks the knife into you...
Ray Hudson, post-game

Barcelona vs Getafe, April 6th

2008-04-06T17:14:00.003-04:00

He likes that service. That's better than Mercedes-Benz gets...
Ray Hudson, 18:05 1st

Call the exorcist! Unbelievable! It seems like there's a spell over Barcelona and an exorcist is required in the building...
Ray Hudson, 68:36 2nd

Real Mallorca vs Real Madrid, April 5th

2008-04-05T17:47:00.003-04:00

Arjen Robben skips the light fandango, does cartwheels across the floor. Wesley Sneijder comes in, he's like Ming the Merciless, ruthless...
Ray Hudson, half-time

This is a absolute hit out of the blue for poor Bernd Schuster. I was saying that midfield is developing holes the size of black holes in space. They were falling apart. Again, the ball's laid off, nobody's staying with this run. Valero curls it in, heavenly, past Casillas. Ibagaza leads it to touch off by Arango, Valero steers this ball with big seeing eyes. This isn't just fly's eye vision, this is mutant fly's eye vision...
Ray Hudson, 72:01 2nd

Not saying you're right or wrong but you know that the microscope...
Phil Schoen
No, I'm saying I'm right.
Ray Hudson, 91:42, 2nd

Real Madrid vs Sevilla, March 30th

2008-04-02T21:05:00.001-04:00

Wow! What a payback! How do you like those potatoes?
Ray Hudson
Two. Nine. Zero. For Raúl. Number two all-time for Real Madrid, and they've taken the lead again.
Phil Schoen
Once more Raúl Madrid comes out and answers in the most pernicious way. Sends his kisses up to the crowd, and it comes flooding back down. Wesley Sneijder turns, sees it, dishes it over the top, beautiful ball in, and then again, all desire, all hunger, all Raúl. Beautiful control, wouldn't be laid off, wouldn't be pushed off, spins, capitalises, disco in the stands. Bernd, give us a smile.
Ray Hudson, 38:45 1st

Raúl, he is cool as ice, and he pours lovely Johnny Walker over the cubes. Beautiful. Weren't done yet. This was probably the most romantic flash of inspiration by Real Madrid. Superlative vision, and Higauín arrives by stealth to convert Guti's piece of jewelry.
Ray Hudson, post-game

Valencia vs Real Mallorca, March 30th

2008-04-02T06:29:00.000-04:00

It's gone from the ridiculous to the bloody ridiculous, bizarre.
Ray Hudson, 86:44 2nd

The End of an Era

2008-04-01T08:05:00.003-04:00

An absolute bombshell from the Miami Herald last night:

Color commentator Ray Hudson has left GolTV with immediate effect after the network reached an agreement with ESPN to buy out the remainder of his contract. It is understood he will be featuring in ESPN2's coverage of the 2008 Major League Lacrosse season. GolTV producer Helberth Ariza said "It is hard for the smaller sports networks like us to compete with the big boys like ESPN. Some transfer of talent is inevitable. They did offer us Tommy Smyth in part-exchange but we made it clear that would be a deal-breaker."

Mr. Hudson arrived yesterday in Bristol, Connecticut, and has already started reviewing ESPN's library of MLL action. ESPN spokesperson Avril Sciocco said "As the worldwide leader in sports, naturally we had received thousands of emails from soccer fans bringing our attention to this talented and exciting individual. However, with no positions open in our Major League Soccer and UEFA Champions League coverage, Ray Hudson will be bringing his unique style to another fast-growing sport. This will build on the success ESPN has had with announcers crossing-over from other sports, such as Dave O'Brien and Dawn Staley."

Anyone who heard baseball announcer O'Brien's dismal performances during the World Cup, or WNBA star Staley's (possibly drunken) outbursts during Bass Saturday may disagree. Personally, as a soccer fan this is obviously terrible news, but to be honest I am a little glad that I'll be able to take a break from blogging until the Rochester Rattlers meet the Long Island Lizards on May 17th.

Update (from reader Alton) - I of all people should have known that Dawn Staley's TV career would have at least one fan.

Another update - email from fusion77:

i drive past the gol tv offices every day. this morning i actually stopped by to see if anything was happening. there were a couple of people hanging around outside who i think were reporters. i couldn't stay long but i did see one large man arrive. he wouldn't answer any of their questions but i did hear him sobbing quietly in a familiar baritone.

Real Betis vs Barcelona, March 29th

2008-03-30T20:29:00.002-04:00

This team in green and white have been really as harmless as Tweety Bird...
Ray Hudson, 38:50 1st

It was tremendous football by Barcelona - dynamic, adroit, clever, waspish, cheeky and zippy. Well, I may just have mentioned all the seven dwarfs there, Phil, but they were looking that good and hot. Meanwhile Betis were looking like they were carrying handbags and lipstick...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Don't be sexist, Phil. Broads hate that.
Ray Hudson, 6:28 2nd

Barcelona falling apart like a ten-year block of old cheese, now.
Ray Hudson, 30:50 2nd

Nuremberg vs Bayern Munich, March 29th

2008-03-30T16:49:00.003-04:00

The underdogs with the big teeth come out growling. Misimović, I was saying, keep your eyes on the number ten, he's the top marksman, and what a marksman! This is a fabulous strike. He sees it over the top, he dishes it off nicely, Misimović. That's accurate to the tenth degree. Fabulous ball. It's not all about power, because without control power means nothing. Well Misimović gets all of the control right. The gyroscope is working to perfection...
Ray Hudson, 43:28 1st

Another Weekend Retreat

2008-03-28T07:57:00.002-04:00

Back sometime Sunday. Feel free to discuss quotes and leitmotifs from this weekend's games in this here open thread.

Egypt vs Argentina, March 26th

2008-03-26T22:48:00.005-04:00

They may not be the most illuminating with the football, but, man, they are tighter than a fish's backside.
Ray Hudson, 65:06 2nd

And the little man comes alive. Beautiful first touch, here, settles it, brilliantly, rifles it, near the top of the net. Look at this for a first touch, heavenly. Velvet feet, and then they turn into fists of fury. Dagger finish by Kun Agüero. Waiting in the long grass, I said in the first half, well, the little scorpion just jumps out and stings Egypt.
Ray Hudson, 66:11 2nd

First touch, caresses it, settles it, puts it on a golf tee and then, whack! Rifles it with his driver. Beautiful, hole in one.
Ray Hudson, 86:10

Real Madrid vs Valencia, March 23rd

2008-03-24T20:40:00.002-04:00

Go back to the first picture.
Ray Hudson, 6:37 1st

That's like being hit by Muhammad Ali, that one [...] And he is seeing pink elephants going up the wall right now...
Ray Hudson, 29:03 1st

Mouth wide open, sucking in flies, Robinho. Cannot believe that this one doesn't find its way in. Hocus pocus football again by the Brazilian. Freezing his defenders, tapping them on the head and dancing around them. Brilliant ...
Ray Hudson, 30:07 2nd

Chairmen nervous. They've got their millions to keep them warm though, don't worry about them.
Ray Hudson, 31:43 2nd

Barcelona vs Real Valladolid, March 23rd

2008-03-24T17:07:00.005-04:00

He holds onto the ball, ice-cold. He freezes the defence of Real Valladolid and eventually he finds his team-mate. And he ain't gonna miss this. It's a nice tuck-away finish by Eto'o but believe me, this is all the kid. The kid stays in this picture, alright. Look at him, he gets the ball, he looks up, there's nothing on, he doesn't flight it in, he doesn't panic, he freezes them. He dances wide, then he finds the target. Brilliant Bojan Krkić! Magic Eto'o, all this young lad.
Ray Hudson, 23:27 1st

He had more rough edges about him than a pineapple...
Ray Hudson, half-time

Incredible power, Hoover Dam power again, by Yaya...
Ray Hudson, 53:27 2nd

This kid could be the best thing on two legs since Sophia Loren...
Ray Hudson, 61:43 2nd

Valdés has got his boots made in China - they're full of lead. He stays on his line, he's got to come and claim this one. Ah, the lads are talking under their breath - 'What the hell's Victor been on this morning? Must have been that salmon salad that he had for breakfast because he's looking awfully wobbly, Victor'.
Ray Hudson, 65:15 2nd

Back Sunday Night. Or Monday.

2008-03-20T23:59:00.002-04:00

Away for the weekend in an internet and tv-free zone. Consider this thread open for this weekend's games, as requested.

Valencia vs Barcelona, March 20th

2008-03-20T21:44:00.005-04:00

I called that a pig, I take that back, it's a cow. My excuses to the barnyard animal...
Ray Hudson, pre-game

He loves a challenge, Eto'o. He wants the holes in golf made smaller.
Ray Hudson, 80:11 2nd

So, with ten minutes left, Valencia back on Occam's razor.
Phil Schoen, 80:38 2nd
[yes, it's Phil, but it's so Hudsonesque]

This belongs up there with Russian caviar, Dom Pérignon, and Muhammad Ali, that strike from Baraja...
Ray Hudson, post-game