HULL-A-BA-LOO gives a Holler!

My First Love – Young Love

2013-01-03T21:49:00.002-05:00

An original poem by me...

My First Love – Young Love

Babe, I just didn’t know
Not supposed to last
They say
Listened not should I
An extended Sojourn
Unavoidable
But still
Had I known
And yet
My chosen path ensnared
My roles unfolded
Three Beautiful Souls
Beckoning to be born
Lessons to learn
Lessons to give
People to touch
And yet
The What If Envy Seeps in
To play havoc
Spared pain…maybe
From provoking hurt…IF
But then
Forfeited Joys and Treasures
Regret not can I
I am who I am
You the same as me
An odyssey
Required

First Love – Young Love
Rather than ending
A seed planted instead
Never to be forgotten
Triggered memories
Ensured roots remained strong
Waiting in hibernation
Finally, Spring came forth
To sprout a new Awakening
Every past hurt shed
Becomes new growth
Soaking up the warmth
Of Your Love

Now I know
With each new blossom
It was always you, Babe
I was seeking
A part found here
Or there
But never fulfilling
For long
Only you knew the secret
My heart
Belonged to you
Always

First Love – Young Love
And yet
Profoundly stirring
They did say
True Love
Flourishes and Evolves
They were right
But wrong
First Love – Young Love
Sometimes endures
Too special to deny
Becoming
A Truth so Honest
Every love song, poem or fairy tale’s
Origin exposed
No illusion here
Just pure embraced emotion
More tangible
Than the air I breathe
As my heart
Swells so full
Until it aches
Of Love and Desire
To the brink of weeping
What is Tears of Joy
Surely meant they did
The need to Touch you
And Hold on is Undisguised
As I give you Me
My First Love – My One and Only Love

New Year...ORIGINAL POEM

2013-01-01T18:30:00.002-05:00

The world must be ending...

2012-12-18T23:41:00.000-05:00

12-14-12... 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut lost their lives...

Last night, a friend stopped in horror to help an elderly man she sees daily making his trek from assisted living home to the store in his wheelchair - he was sprawled out in the middle of the road. Once she got to him, she asked him if he had fallen over and he replied, "No, someone hit me and took off." On closer inspection my friend realized the wheelchair was bent and missing parts...the elderly man was going into shock as she dialed 911 and another good Samaritan directed traffic so he wouldn't be hit again. How do you hit someone and then leave them?!

It's holiday season but I can't tell at the moment! People rushing about, cutting people off in traffic...people hurting each other...manners long forgotten...

My school system is terminating or moving principals for failing schools...teachers are being told every little thing they are doing wrong and never praised for what they do right! I sure hope those teachers and principal losing their lives to protect their students didn't just have an evaluation telling them how under par they were and how it is all their fault for the school's failings...

Everywhere we look there is tragedy - natural and man-made. Everyone has an opinion on why and who should be blamed. Funny how we never point our fingers at ourselves.

Everyday I look outside and see all the dogs and cats in the streets trying to survive. Not all of them are homeless, they're just not cared for properly. I have an attachment to one in particular. It's getting cold outside and her eyes are running but her owners feed her so it's all good, right?! She has pit bull in her and she is black - two strikes. Because she wasn't managed properly as a puppy, her chasing play has turned nippy aggressive towards those acting scared of her and not understanding if they would just stop, tell her no, she would leave them alone - strike 3. I already have a house full of dogs with plans to foster again or help with adoptions once my leg, arm and back heal properly. I can't save them all and if I call Animal Control she will most likely be labeled incorrectly, not be adopted...and you know what that means. Yet, she is the most lovable girl! She watches over my house too and greets me as I come and go. She won't even take a treat from me until she gets her lovins first...starved for attention as she wiggles every part of her body and chirps her joy when I come to her... She has all this unconditional love she just wants to give to others.

We could learn a lot from animals. I can't save them all but I do try to watch out for her and a neighbor spends money she doesn't have to feed the feral cats.

Why does this world behave as if children, animals, handicapped people both physical and mental are just throw aways, especially if you don't come from the right income bracket?!

It's America, everyone has the right to the opportunity of success, right?! Wrong. There are people rising up against tremendous odds, but is it fair to think we can all be extraordinary? I don't feel extraordinary. I wouldn't have made it without the right people at the right time. How can we all fit at the tip of the triangle? And if no one ever needed our help, how would we learn compassion and the other lesson gifts helping someone provides?

I can be extremely biased when it comes to religion but I respect everyone's right to believe how they wish. I just have some questions though...

Do you really believe we are all servants to this invisible God? Maybe you do...maybe that is how you sleep at night knowing there are only a few select worthy servants at the top getting rich off other people's woes and troubles...why someone working at McDonalds doesn't have the same worth and rights as some CEO or policy maker.

Do you really think you are worth nothing but a lowly slave? I know...I know...I hear all the time what a joy it is to serve the Lord, it's wrong to question or think for yourself - just have faith! And just to make sure you don't say well I'm done, think I'll off myself so I can at least see and feel this invisible being I'm supposed to serve - suicide became a sin instead of an unanswered cry for help.

When did God come down and tell someone at the tip of the triangle it was ok to pick and choose which parts of the Bible to currently use? I mean at one time incest was ok - got to populate this world so we have more servants, right?

I'm sorry but God isn't anything more than some past alien population that reigned on earth many thousands of years ago...and make no mistake we were their servants...and they wrote us a book of rules to live by or else! Although, he could be a mythical being created by a select few wanting all power and control over others. Ought to research how our grand churches came to be because it certainly wasn't Jesus Christ telling us to build expensive ornate churches while people starved in the streets!

Don't get me wrong. I don't believe everyone going to church is bad but I do think churches have harmful influences. I know plenty of good people going to church and they believe in it - I don't fault them for that. I just don't like church and religion in general because I don't think our beliefs should exclude others when they don't believe the same. People know in their hearts what is truly right and wrong. And I do believe there is evil in this world and we need to protect ourselves from it. Unfortunately, I believe the evil and negativity is necessary because I believe we all chose our paths before we were born. However, in no way does that belief give me the right or others such as a church cult I won't mention by name to preach those beliefs while others are grieving! We chose what lessons we want to learn and if we disregard or fight those lessons then we only disappoint ourselves. We are souls trying to evolve into the highest positive energy possible. Think about it. As humans we have this drive to always be better. We just sometimes lose track of the purpose of better. It's not to just be the richest or most successful or whatever it is that we think might make us happy. To truly be happy is to grow and evolve as humans and as souls. It's about what we give to others and not in what we attain other than experiences we use to teach others...to help someone else - that is what we are servants to, by our choice, not designated by some invisible being. As humans we feel good when we help others feel good. It doesn't matter what your religion is. There ARE good people everywhere and ALL are accepted in our soul world because we are connected to one another. As humans AND as souls, we are connected socially and emotionally - we need each other.

The world IS ending but not as in existence but in change. I believe all our life lessons, our growth sprouted from the heavy negativity of earth is coming to a head...our next chapter of lessons are to learn how to pay attention to the good on this earth...the good of humanity. I believe in time positive energy will become stronger than our past negative energy. We will learn how to be a loving community again...where teamwork and individual worth is held as the ultimate success of happiness...where we learn the rewards of nurturing our fellow man. Where energy is freely given to each other and nature without the competition which only depletes ourselves and everything around us.

How else can we go on living amidst all these tragedies and not just throw our hands up in resignation? Something has to be driving us and I choose to believe we are finding our way towards the lessons of harmony. There will always be tragedy as this is earth not the other side or heaven if this term suits you more. I for one look forward to our growth...to seeing us evolve into humans that come together instead of working against each other. There are many examples of this taking place everyday but we have to pay more attention to those and apply those lessons...stop giving power to fear and hate. And remember while on earth we are only human...human emotions must be accepted and validated in order to foster growth...human behaviors must be met with compassion, understanding and protection so we can fully evolve into our higher positive emotions of Love, courage, respect of everyone's equality and worth.

It's time to try something different...it's time for restitution not punishment...time for problem-solving not blame...time to walk in each other's shoes not turn a blind eye...time for support not locked away or discarded...time to nurture our children to be healthy compassionate adults not stunted as failures. Only then can we begin to heal from all the hurt...

But I am only human at the moment...just like you. I will continue to ask the whys, make mistakes, judge others, blame and even be part of the problem instead of the solution. I just had to take a moment to remind myself of the big picture and my desire to be the best human I can be so I can create a balance in my life... a balance increasingly tilted towards the positive. I want more for myself, my friends, my loved ones and others.

Intoxicating...

2012-11-20T10:54:00.001-05:00

I found the purpose...the reason why everything has happened in my life as this next piece falls into place. Breaking my leg was the last purge of negativity needed to allow me to see the light once again...the joys I had been missing in my life. Despite all the pain and frustrations I was able to choose a better path for myself. A path lined with beauty, new perspectives and reawakened desires. I began to remember what I wanted out of life instead of trudging along day after day. I began to want more out of life and for myself. I began to want to give to others... to connect emotionally and spiritually. I wanted to dance and feel alive!

To smile, laugh and love...to feel it with every cell in your body - it is my wish for everyone!

Intoxicating! I always loved that word but I didn't really fully comprehend the depth of this word. It started with rediscovering how good life can be when you let the light back in and continued as I accepted feeling happy...feeling high on life. It is amazing how the domino effect can work wonders in a positive direction as well as disastrously! And it starts with being vulnerable...

Vulnerability - the monster I have fought my entire life against, except it wasn't a monster - it was my truth...my essence of who I am, my strength and without it, I was just a shell. One really has to take risks of being hurt in order to enjoy life. I had to open my eyes to the possibilities of what could happen if pain is embraced, acknowledged and validated. I didn't die or break or melt away but I did do more than just survive. By allowing myself to face the pain as part of life, I allowed all the other feelings to be true as well.

And now because I have opened my doors and lowered my walls...because I believe I deserve happiness and love just as much as anyone else - Love has found me! What I didn't know was it had been there all along...patiently waiting for me to be ready.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with this flood of feelings - it's intoxicating in a wonderful way! I'm adjusting quickly though. Love is a very powerful, healing and strong force I have so underestimated but not anymore. You don't have to fall in love to experience its effects but you do have to let the light in and connect with the beauty in your life. The beauty of nature, family, friends...all of it...including the morons you encounter. You never know what someones struggles are. I'm still human...still sarcastic...still selfish...still hot headed...but the bottom line is I can connect now. I can feel compassion for others despite my human side. This is letting the light in and it is my wish for all to experience because there is nothing better!

It is scary knowing I can feel pain as intense as I can love...can lose as much as I've gained but I wouldn't have it any other way. I intend to enjoy every moment I can for as long as I can. I'm so happy and my heart is so full I could cry and that fact no longer bothers me...there's beauty and strength in those tears...

And if you are really blessed...there will be someone special to share it with...someone like I have...

Thanks for waiting...I Love You Jeff...my first and last! I will treasure every moment we have together...

World Designed Physical Disability Day!

2012-10-10T16:32:00.000-04:00

This will be no ordinary day of honoring or thinking of others with disabilities. Oh, NO! On this designated day (date for me to choose and you to wonder when), I will wiggle my nose, wave my hand over the globe while saying Abracadabra and "POOF" every able body will be disabled (and all disabled fakers will no longer be able to solicit your sympathy as they must behave like the athletes they are)! You will all of a sudden discover an arm, back or something not working correctly in your physical body in addition to your a LEG!

Now, there will be no sitting around at home with your feet up moaning and groaning...oh, no...you will have to learn how to manage a typical day with this unforeseen obstacle. I wouldn't be counting on any sympathy either - you're going to be encountering nothing but grumpy butts like yourself.

I'm really excited!! How about you? You're not excited? Why not?

Are you saying learning how to open doors or get your butt to the bathroom before you pee your pants doesn't sound like fun? Oh you're right, kind of hard when there is only one handicap stall not even big enough for your wheelchair, huh?!

What about going shopping? Those electric carts sure are fun! What? Some rude butt just parked his $40,000 dollar truck in the last two parking spots so he wouldn't get his truck scratched? And one of the spots was for handicap parking? Oh, my! Must have been one of those lazy self-centered people...you know the ones, right? Yeah those, the ones yesterday wearing Star Wars boots just so they could get some attention and take up all the deluxe parking with their unworthy vehicles!

Well, at least the doors to Walmart open up on their own. You don't know what I'm talking about?! Oh yeah, I forgot....I decided to save all the business owners some money by erasing the invention of automatic or handicap doors from our history...I know sounds like some science fiction crap...I know. Hey, LOOK OUT! Wow, close call - can't believe those dingy able bodied are running and jumping around like that!! Wonder, what they're so happy about all of a sudden! Geez, they didn't even pause long enough to hold the door for ya! Thank goodness they didn't knock you down - you could have broken a bone for real!

Yikes! The only electric cart left looks like it might fall apart any second, but oh well, beggars can't be choosy now can they?! (I sure hope the battery has enough juice not to leave you stranded on the far side of the store...*wink, wink) Who shrunk all these aisles? Wow, I'm really sorry but it wasn't me this time.

Ok...you've spent a few hours in a wheelchair now...how about graduating to crutches? You need to be FWB by tomorrow morning. What? Oh, that's code for full weight bearing which means no compensating, assistance of crutches, boots, etc. and NO LIMPING!

Well, will you look at that! Mother Nature paid us a visit while we were in the store and left you all these beautiful frozen water crystals! She didn't leave any surface untouched - there's ice and snow everywhere! Hey, where did you go? What are you doing down there? This isn't the time to sit down and take a break - we got more to do and we are running behind already because you are SO SLOW! What?! You slipped and fell! Ugh, why aren't you being careful?!

HAVE YOU BEEN NICE TODAY TO SOMEONE STRUGGLING WITH THE DAY TO DAY TASKS YOU TAKE FOR GRANTED?!!

Yes!?! I Thank You!

No?! Well, take heed and pay attention because on the next World Designed Physical Disability Day I'm going to spice it up a bit and throw all the pains and aches in as well! And if that doesn't get your attention...I'll extend you the honor of experiencing it all in REAL TIME!

And for Pete's sake, business owners - spend a little money and invest in automatic or handicap doors 'cause Karma is a bitch!

This blog entry is dedicated to all my broken leg friends - hope you got a chuckle!

Naked!

2012-09-30T17:02:00.001-04:00

My Hissy Fit! Bet you're thinking I'm doing some weird strip tease act with a cast on my leg...sorry to burst your bubble (or perhaps you are breathing a sigh of relief), but NAKED means naked LEG! Yep, that's right - doc sent me home (7-11-12) with nothing on my leg! How is that possible you ask? Well, I wish it meant a "Miracle Healing" but is doesn't. Apparently, the Rod or IM Nail in my tibia - yes hammered into the marrow of the tibia, is stronger than a cast. If you really have a strong stomach, check out this link of a video showing one such surgery - ONLY if you have a really super duper iron stomach - otherwise just forget I mentioned it and continue reading. Leg - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=006h2tbynwo and for my Arm - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_CL5aMC7o8&feature=fvwrel

Let's take a few steps back...

Close your eyes and imagine...on one side, you have an arm and leg, weak and wobbly but otherwise useful and luckily your dominant side - on the other side is a hurting mass of two limbs. The broken arm (Barm) doesn't move more than an inch or two and even then not on it's own free will. The good arm has to lift it up and plop it down on say, the keyboard so you can have some minimal use of your fingers. The broken leg (BL) has this massive wrap around it and itches like no tomorrow! On top of this, the AC has gone out - it's hovering around 90-100 degrees with no cloud or rain in sight, so my BL feels like it is going to swell up and explode in this soft cast! I'm trying my best to only take Ibuprofen at night and only to help me sleep. I'm trying to see how tough I can be. Besides, what if those conspiracists are correct and it will keep my bones from mending!?!

So now that you have an inkling to my current condition...imagine having to get yourself ready and out the door. Transferring to a wheelchair to roll through a house with barely an inch of spare space is someone's messed up joke of an obstacle course. There are dog paws and tails, not to mention their toys and cow hooves, TV remotes, game controllers, snack trash and dishes, shoes, ...you name it and the boys or dogs have deposited it in my way. Then the moment you almost make it to the only bathroom in the house, some able bodied boy had jumped over you and closed the door before you can even think to move your BL out of the way or protect it. You have to have a friend or family member help you transfer to the shower chair, spread towels everywhere to soak up all the accidental sprays (essentially the bathroom gets a hose down cleaning every time I took a shower), hand you everything, wash your hair, etc. as well as make sure you don't slip and break the other side. And all this has to happen in a bathroom not quite big enough.

IT'S EXHAUSTING!!!

Finally, I am at least dressed and everything is packed and ready to go. Now, I am facing the first step (literally) from the house to the porch. I've decided for sake of time (already behind schedule), I'm going to let my friend wheel me down the first step...OK, Go...NO, WAIT...OK, Go...NO! Waaaait!!! OMG! She leaned my chair so far back and the tiny little step felt like the top of The Beast at Kings Island! I HATE ROLLER COASTERS!!!

I will find another way over these silly stupid steps. I have three more steps at the end of the porch to conquer. Crutch with my good arm and left arm on my friends arm for support (plus she has a hold on my britches just in case)...OK, ready...no, wait - how do I do this again? After several stop and go's, I have managed to somehow hop down those steps and then with the help of a step stool, crutch and friend pushed my sorry ass up into the truck seat. What an obstacle course adventure that was!! A few more times and we will have this down to a fine science...

Anyhoo, I am now leaving later than I had intended. By the time, we hit every stop light, almost rear ended a moron that jumped out in front of us because he forgot what a rear view mirror is used for, encountered construction, etc. we arrived about ten minutes late (didn't realize it was going to take 10 minutes to park and wheel trek to the office or I would have still been on time). My friend wheeled me over to prop on a chair since my leg feels as if it is going to bust through this cast any second and then signs me in. Apparently they aren't happy I'm late but they best keep it to themselves because I haven't even gotten started on my hissy fit ordeal yet! Obviously they've never broken a leg before or have a sympathetic ounce behind their disapproving statue faces! If only they knew how hard I had worked to get here...

Side note: It is so strange to be in a place where unassisted walking is a minority. There are wheelchairs, crutches, braces, walkers, etc. of every shape and size surrounding me!

Within a few minutes, they are calling me to the back. My friend notices they have Hibiclens on the sink counter and I say, "That's some good shit!" before I could even consider filtering. Is that chuckling, I hear?! The icy spell has now been broken as the techs rediscover human humor. Next, they noticed the smiley face on my toe. More chuckling as they announce a first for them. Really?! I'm suppose to believe I'm the first one through these doors with comic humor?!

What a boring strange place this must be to work. So the guy tech gets busy cutting off my cast and then pulls out the first staple...

Don't ever let anyone ever tell you having staples removed doesn't hurt - they lie!

I give my mock expression of offended and ask why he didn't warn me first as I wince through another staple removal. He replied with teasing that I'm a wimp. "Hey, I gave birth to three boys and the last one with no pain help what so ever! I'm not a wimp you just like inflicting pain!"

After he was done, I look down and see all this blood trickling out. "Ah Ha! Proof. There's my proof it does too hurt!" He says he wanted to make sure I had something to remember him by. Don't worry buddy, I'm not likely to forget - I'll give you a call if I ever decide to give S & M a try.

By now it's time to see the OS and I try to channel my previous hissy fit so I can give it to him good. He walks in and I start with, "I'm taking Ibuprofen now because narcotics suck and your on-call people couldn't help me!" He sits back and sighs. I continue to tell him I only take it at night to sleep now and intend to be off it fully in another week. He shrugs and informs me it's either an all or nothing thing and he'll work around it. I'm surprised as I was expecting an argument so I could channel hissy fit energy to an optimal level. While I'm considering my next approach, he is asking me to bend my knee and move my arm. He is really pleased with my knee being at 90 degrees Range of Motion (ROM) already. Less pleased with my arm but he said it will take a bit more time as he had to cut through the deltoid muscle. He then goes on to tell me exercises I can do to help stretch my arm and leg. He's so calm and actually devoting attention to me. I'm really stumped now. Do I force my hissy fit rant or just be happy the OS is overall, pleased with my progress?

I asked the OS if they have a razor so I can shave and clean up (forgot to pack it) before they put another cast on. He shakes his head. What the hell does that mean? "Nothing." he replies. "Huh? What do you mean nothing?!" I shoot back. He says, "I mean I'm not putting anything else on your leg. You can take a shower but don't take a bath for another week." "You mean I have a Naked Leg!?! I get to be Naked?!!!" He chuckles as he nods affirmative.

I'M NAKED!!! WOO HOO - READY TO GO DANCING NOW!!!

I'm so excited, I forgot to finish informing him of his incompetent on-call help. I roll out of there with the biggest smile because I can ITCH to my heart's content! And shower without a huge trash bag! And shave! Oh my!

Even the snide comment from the office people, "I can't believe he still saw you after you were late!" doesn't put a damper on my joy. (I mean seriously - it was 10 minutes. I've waited much longer for a doctor many times!) I just went on and on about the everyday mundane tasks turned challengingly hilarious and then started ribbing my friend after she gave my wheelchair a shove! "It's not like I'm someone's cart for you to shove out of your way! Don't forget I have an extended arm here (crutch) to smack you with!" She replied with some 'I'm not afraid of you' crap. The office person scheduling my next visit can't help but have a smirk on her face now and the other one just rolled her eyes and made a quick exit with a huff. I even think I heard a slight chuckle as I was exiting the door...

AHHH......THE SUN FEELS ...SO GOOD... ON MY NAKED LEG!!!

♫ ♫ I'm rolling in sunshine ♪ Wo-oh ♪ I'm rolling in sunshine ♫ And don't it feel good! Hey! ♪ All right now ♫ And don't it feel good! Hey! ♪ Yeah! ♫ ♫

My Hissy Fit!

2012-09-19T22:17:00.000-04:00

HOME! Came home on June 30th - a Saturday and by that night the meds were making me god awful sick...couldn't eat...couldn't sleep...couldn't focus and seem to be aching way more than in the hospital. By Sunday I halved the dose - same results (except I swear the pain was actually slightly better). By Monday morning, I was desperate for relief and some sleep! I stopped taking the Norco (another name for Vicodin) - I was done with that Shit! Love watching House (Hugh Lawrie is the cutest sarcastic ass) and at first I liked being on the same thing as my soul mate at least until the first wave of nausea started beating me up! House can keep his stupid meds!

So I'm sick and stoned out of my mind (from meds), beyond exhausted (no sleep since Friday night), weak (no nutrients passing down to this stomach), serious pain (because Norco aka Vicodin doesn't work - no wonder House ate them like candy) and I'm losing my humor - Fuck Positive! Phone calls are immediately made to the OS office in desperation before I explode (I don't know why no one wants to be around me). Meanwhile, I'm researching narcotics and discover Demerol comes in tablet form (it made me less sick than this crap and at least I know it worked on the pain). And you know what? Morphine also comes in tablet form! Initially, I am feeling hopeful now that I know this. Since I don't do well with all those stupid Tylenol or Codeine mixtures I'm thinking they've got to give me the morphine, Right?! WRONG!

After many phone calls without a return reply, one more is made at 4:40pm. I am then informed my OS is in surgery and won't be done till after 5pm at which time narcotics will not be prescribed. This woman is so lucky I couldn't reach through the phone to get my hands on her neck. You've seen the joke pictures where someone is guessing a woman is mad at them due to the hands around their throat...yeah that one...And I had reason to be ticked off for sure!

This woman apparently thinks I should wait till morning but she sadly has underestimated a sleep deprived woman in pain! How is it my fault it takes longer than a day to return a phone call and like you don't have on-call doctors and may I suggest it is in your best interest to find one right now! While waiting, phone calls are also being made to my General Family Doctor. No one there will work with me (so this woman says) either because they don't want to get in the middle of it but I would have to at least come in if there was even a chance. My extreme car sick is explained to them and that I absolutely refuse to get in a vehicle to add to my already overwhelming nausea and pain. Told them to kiss my butt too - she didn't even give the doctors a chance to say, NO! This makes two on my strangle list so far.

Finally, an on-call doc from the OS calls back...but not so fast now - this is NOT good news. He only wanted to prescribe some more stupid Tylenol or Codeine mixes of the latest panhandled drugs from the drug companies. The doctors and drug company pimpers both likely have stock and getting rich off manipulating unsuspecting patients. Oh, and I can pick the prescription up in the morning because it is now after 5 pm and this is the best he can do! And if I really need the Demerol or Morphine then I will have to go to Emergency because they don't come in pill form. Did they miss the part of my history saying how extremely motion sick I get and that's not when I'm already in the state I'm currently in!?!? OMG and Good Grief and Lord please have mercy and I'm gonna kill somebody!

WHY CAN'T I HAVE WHAT WORKS!!!

Yes, at this point, I am in full blown all out temper tantrum city!! My friend on the phone won't even come into the same room with me. I am now screaming like a bona fide murderous insane being! I know he heard every word I said too. I'm telling him what a worthless piece of lying shit he is - I've done my research and he is lying to me! I'm looking at those meds in pill form on the internet right now! I'm telling him if he doesn't get his sorry ass over here with a house call carrying me some morphine pills then they can all kiss my ASS because I'm just gonna do it my way then! I will take (GASP) Ibuprofen until someone gets me what I need so I guess my bones just won't heal not that they have any conclusive evidence to that fact either!!! I'm spouting off all kinds of conspiracy theories he must certainly be involved in unless he really is a stupid ass that got his degree in a mail order. Did I mention my throat was still rough from the tube down the throat during surgery? Oh Yeah, if anyone else had heard me I most certainly would have been carted off to a mental ward. Maybe, I would have gotten some Morphine then. Seriously though, I kept waiting for the police to show up. I was beyond bad. And my poor friend had to just take it all evening! But she's braver than those cowardly on-call medical people. She didn't desert me!

Now you would think I would get some kind of follow up call the next morning to check on me right? No. Nada. Nothing. Either they were too scared, wanted to punish me or just didn't care...maybe all of the above, but I consider that incompetent care and debated how I was going to make them all pay!

By the way, I haven't found anyone in the medical field or a pharmacy having any idea of why narcotics can't be prescribed after 5 pm and I checked with the pharmacy - they had Demerol tabs and Morphine tabs in stock in all mg. doses...I really hate being lied to like that and I hope the incompetent moron doctor realizes Karma is coming for him!

Remember the days when doctors made house calls and were paid in chicken eggs? Me neither, but I sure would like to bring the service back. I'll even pay in money form since they can medically do more than the old days!

Narcotic withdrawals are not fun. You are not suppose to stop cold turkey but I already had one day under my belt might as well keep going. I slept a little that night but it took two days before I could sleep and eat again properly. I thought I was going to die at first I was in so much pain and so sick. I don't think I became unstoned for at least a week. Detoxing is the worst (diarhea, aches and pains, sweats and chills, etc.) and yet still better than when on the Norco. How's that for a choice?!

I am now currently taking 800mg Ibuprofen at night before bed and that's it. It helps with the aches of not moving enough just as much as the broken leg and arm. I'm now sleeping. I see OS in 3 days for two week post op follow up and I can't wait to give them all a piece of my mind for not working with me on pain management!

HOME!

2012-09-18T23:03:00.001-04:00

When can I go home and the PT stand-off! Last ride down the hospital corridor and then home - this will be the real test of the motion sick patch the anesthesiologist placed behind my ear! Umm...I'm having second thoughts about getting in my truck - doesn't look possible and now I have no choice unless I want to turn around and be readmitted. Let me just take one more look around to make sure no one is video taping this fiasco. Hindsight is 20/20 - could have made a fortune off that moment alone! And let's just say, I have a new found appreciation for tall people trying to cram their long legs in vehicles. Even with a soft cast, my leg had grown into some huge monstrosity so that I resembled a clown - you know the huge ones squeezing into impossible tiny cars - yeah those, only this clown was screaming painful expletives!!! But the patch worked like a charm...

Now that I'm home and looking at the steps on the porch, I'm questioning my wisdom on turning down a custom built ramp by my Step Dad. I thought it would be easy to hop up the steps or just let them carry me in the wheelchair. Did I mention my trust issues? I close my eyes, cringe and cross my mental fingers hoping with all my might no one slips and we all fall down!

The homecoming was louder than any rock concert I've been to compliments of my Kasey! Never heard so much whining and talking from her! Must have thought I had deserted her for good. Nothing like a whole body wag from a furry friend - took several hands to hold her back until I could get settled enough to prepare for her desperate need to leave not even a millimeter of space between us!

And wouldn't you know it, by the time they got me all settled into my new cubbyhole home on the couch surrounded by remotes, things to scratch with, camera, laptop, phone, Nook, pillows, blanket, something to drink, Kleenix, meds, my 'Grip 'n Grab', ice packs (frozen peas) and a dog's nose stretching to get as close to me as possible - I've got to PEE! Do you know how much work this is? Never ever take for granted how easy it is to stand up, walk to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and pee!

But someone special can finally relax because all is well with the world again...

When can I go home and the PT stand-off!

2012-09-11T15:41:00.002-04:00

Notice my helmet next to the flowers - it's still in once piece unlike my leg and arm!

How many screws later? Once I was over my initial shock of being told to use my arm and take a step or two (WBAT = Weight Bearing As Tolerated) to transfer to the bedside portable toilet (still eww!), it was time to ask some questions. Want to guess which one was first? That's right - when can I go home?! It's currently Thursday evening and the OS (orthopedic surgeon) says maybe Sunday or Monday. I didn't like the answer so want to guess what my next question was? Yep, that's it - what do I have to do to prove I can go home sooner?! He chuckled and said we'll see...not answering the question but I see a crack opening up (give me an inch and I'll take a mile!).

So now, what's next?! I sent my friend to fetch my laptop and don't laugh - I needed to catch up my Facebook! Besides, I still was under the doped up impression I could still blog and write my best selling education book. Seriously though, I can't stand to be bored...And - I never miss an excuse to spend money! Oh yeah, the camera I wanted...the one I was going to patiently wait to find on Craigslist for next to nothing...yeah, that notion flew out the window the minute I dumped my bike. Luckily, I had already been researching which camera I wanted because the brain - not so focused now. I sent my friend to Best Buy (they were having a package deal) to buy the one I was leaning towards (the more expensive one, of course). She didn't look too sure about this but I assured her it would be fine...if they asked for ID, to tell them to call me here in the hospital, so I can explain why it is in their best interest not to get in my way of shopping!

Next on the agenda? Time to swallow my pride and privacy to ask the cute young nurse to assist me to the portable potty. Why is it I feel like I'm experiencing potty training for toddlers 101? He was so great! We made jokes about it - couldn't sense any (this is the last thing I want to do - help this silly old fat thing to the toilet). He even left me to do my business in peace (on the other side of the curtain). What a gentleman!

The next day, while trying to figure out this new camera...in walks two PT ladies! Uh Oh, I'm in for it now! They want to make sure I can make it to the portable toilet (anyone notice the acronym would be PT? Hmmm...think I'll go back to portable potty -PP for short...hey, even funnier PP get it? Pee Pee. I'm cracking my own self up LOL). I'm sure they are wondering why I'm looking at them like they are stupid as I tell them my cute nurse and I have it covered - we're pros! However, they insist. Fine. I immediately ask why she moved the PP since it was already in the correct spot. For some reason she thinks her way will be easier (maybe she wants to make sure I can be versatile, you know, like, ambidextrous), but before I can even start the other PT lady says where are your footies? I don't need them. Didn't they give you footies? They have to! You can't put your bare foot on the floor! Why not? It's against hospital rules. Well, I've been breaking the rules since yesterday and you are the first person to point it out. Now, we are staring at each other (me and the two PT ladies). They are determined to stand their ground and I'm trying to decide if it's worth the effort to be obstinate. Since I want to leave the hospital as soon as possible, I decide to be cooperative. They breathe a sigh of relief. As I stood up my foot slides inside the footie and I feel very insecure about continuing. I sit back down and declare I am NOT hopping in that footie! Not happening! The stand-off has begun! I told them they could go - didn't need them - my nurse would help me learn whatever I needed. I give them my best "Not happening" glare. Finally one of them (the one that put the potty in the wrong place) says fine you can do it on your bare foot. The other one refuses and left (never to be heard of again). Let me tell you, this lady (same height as me) had to put this white belt around me so she would have something to grab a hold of to keep me from falling. Am I really suppose to trust after this? My handsome young nurse didn't need no stupid belt! In the next instance I knew why she needed it - she didn't seem any more experienced than trying to repeat what she saw in some instructional illustration even though I was far from her first patient. I pretty much told her I didn't have any faith in her, we would be moving the PP back to where my nurse had it originally because it was much easier...and so forth. Can you believe she actually came back the next day for some more!?! She said she was there to help and we would do what I was comfortable with. I said good, "You're fired!" as my personal assistant - I've hired my best friend here instead who then proceeded to out perform this PT person on her first try! I continued to keep her on her toes and confused for the remainder of the time...but I got to give her credit for sucking it up and coming back time after time. She even learned to be a bit humorous by our last visit!

And the really great news...I GOT MY OS TO RELEASE ME SATURDAY EVENING MUCH TO THE SURPRISE OF THE PT AND NURSES! Besides my favorite male nurse had just clocked out for his week long vacation, so why stay!

On my last day in the hospital, I had a visit from a very special 4-legged friend! I miss my fur friends - they probably think I've deserted them by now! We need more therapy dogs in this world...nothing better to cheer you up!

Don't those eyes just melt you and make you want to SMILE!

First Blog Award!

2012-09-06T14:59:00.001-04:00

A fellow Broken Legger nominated me for this wonderful Blog Award! We met on a Facebook Group for us klutzes and victims of Murphy’s Law. This group is wonderful and I have made many new friends from all over the world. We support each other through rants, tears and laughter!

When you receive the award, you post 11 random facts about yourself and answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you. You pass the Award on to other blogs (make sure to let them know they were nominated) and ask them 11 questions. You're not allowed to nominate the blog who nominated you! (To get the button, right click the picture above and save the picture to your computer. You can then upload to your blog.)

I was very honored to receive an award and I wanted to know more about it. It appears to be a chain letter type of blogger award.

The rules and requests seem to vary a bit. The overall consensus though is it originated in Germany somewhere around 2009-2010. Liebster means dearest or beloved in German so the award is meant for your favorite blogs (with less than 200 or 3000 followers) you are following as a way to let them know they are having an impact on you and you enjoy reading their posts! Thank you again Lorna for bestowing this award on me!

My Interesting Facts (at least to me that is)

1. First, I love numbers and their meanings…did you know the number 11 is a number for new beginnings at higher evolved level? And thanks to this award it has sparked my writing again! I love Numerology, Astrology, Tarot, psychic senses, etc. – anything paranormal, new age … I could so be a one of those ghost investigators!

2. I did some really stupid things as a teen…like drag racing in traffic down 31 with my friend in the back spotting for me – stupid yes, but I still laugh at all those boys in souped up hot rods I beat because I raced with brains and not muscle! Another really stupid thing we did was break into the state park and drive all those curvy hilly roads with our headlights out in the pitch dark – have no idea what we were thinking!? And I’m not telling the rest because my mom doesn’t know all of them! SSHHHH!

3. My favorite holiday is Halloween! I totally love the costumes and haunted house decorations. I haven’t done as much decorating these last few years and doubt I will go to a haunted house this year due to my broken leg and arm, but who knows?! I’m still waiting for a good haunted house to scare me! One of my favorite memories was going to the famous haunted bridge near Danville. Can’t quite get to it the same as before but we used to climb through the underneath structure. Anyhoo, the first time we went, my mom screamed a blood curdling scream when a hay wagon ride was right underneath us. It scared the bejeezus out of them before they finally spotted us laughing!

4. Stephen King is my favorite author but I also love John Irving, Karen Hesse, Margaret Haddix, JK Rowling, oh my gosh – can’t possibly name them all! Langston Hughes is my favorite Poet author.

5. Besides, furry creatures…I love reptiles as well! I have had many snakes, lizards, etc. as pets as well. I would not want to experience the dangerous part of Jurassic Park…but to see dinosaurs live and personal – fascinating!

6. When I drink, my pinky finger sticks up! Must have been some rich snob or royalty in a previous lifetime…LOL

7. I love to climb but I’m scared of heights especially falling! I finally got in airplanes for a Spring Break vacation…NO, it doesn’t get better or easier! Even though I would love to visit Australia, Africa, Rain Forests and Hawaii…I’ll stick to where the road can take me!

8. I love to take road trips but can’t stand to drive around town. I have no patience for other drivers but if I’m on vacation and behind the wheel – no problem – I can take all the time in the world with the windows rolled down!

9. I hate to be cold! Snow is beautiful but it can just stay in pictures. It is fun to drive in the snow when I’m prepared and have nowhere to be at a certain time. I can live without it though. I want to live somewhere warm all the time and I want my own personal remote to everyone’s air conditioner!

10. I love shoes but prefer to be barefoot. I have too many shoes (good thing I don’t do all the heels and stuff anymore). I love to put them on for awhile (like they way they look) but then they must come off! I was the teen that would walk to school in her high heels taking a short cut through the park – up and down the sledding hills (not sure what I was thinking) but then be carrying my heels on the way home so I could be barefoot finally! I would have so gone to a school where shoes weren’t required – too bad I can’t go to work that way too… (and that was how I got caught smoking…The Star and News snapped a photo of me and since my grandpa worked for the paper my mom asked him to get a blow up copy of the picture…)

11. I talk to myself…and I answer too! In fact, I have whole conversations with myself. Now that bluetooth headsets have been invented, people just think I’m on the phone!

After researching I discovered others writing their own questions each time and I noticed it was 5 facts about yourself. I also saw where you were suppose to nominate 5 bloggers having an influence on your writing or yourself as a person and then explain those influences. I think the most important aspect is to keep the award going to honor your favorite bloggers and it's OK to add your own special touch. In honor of the one giving me this award I chose to answer the same questions. It’s neat to see how our answers compare...

Here are the questions I am supposed to answer:

1. If you were an instrument, what would you be and why? A piano. If you mess with my space or try to change me, I get out of whack and need expensive tuning! Believe me, I don’t sound good when I’m out of whack – you’ll do anything to tune me back to perfect tone!

2. Coke or pepsi? Neither…use to be Coke until they messed up (and yes I am not fooled – the original recipe was not the one used before some idiot decided to mess with a good thing)! I do, however, still like old Coke décor but it was better when I could LOVE it! In the long run they saved me money – I drink Dr. Thunder now!

3. What was the last song you listened to? Weird Al Yankovic ♫ Like a Surgeon ♫ because I was looking for some musical humor! Other than that, can’t remember…I listen to many different genres and I constantly change the radio station – just depends on my given mood at the moment.

4. What purpose does blogging fulfill for you? I can talk and talk and talk and no one interrupts me! Besides, I love sharing my opinions!

5. What did you want to be when you were 5? 10? 15? I wanted to race cars, dirtbikes – you name it, because my dad had lots of trophies for local drag racing. I also wanted to learn how to work on cars and do body work. When I was growing up, I use to say I was going to be the first woman to win the Indy 500! I suppose it is still possible since a woman hasn’t won yet, but I think I’ve lost my stupidity of youth to try that now. My dad never did take me under his wing and teach me about cars or racing – his loss and mine. However, my wonderful mom bought me an Indy car experience for my birthday (even though my racing interests always made her nervous)! I really respect those drivers and don’t ever underestimate how much physical training is required – it IS a physical sport in addition to the dangers. My other main career interest was to be a Veterinarian or Dolphin Trainer. And for just a wee bit of time – A teacher! I’m still interested in all of them but only made one my career and what a lot of detours it took to get there…

6. What is your favorite snack food? Chocolate, chips, popcorn, twizzlers…my boys and students have me on a Taki kick right now!

7. What is one tradition your family had when you were growing up that you'd like to continue with your family? Keeping Santa Claus alive forever! Hush…I still BELIEVE! Due to blended families and everyone wanting to have Christmas at the same time, it was challenging but we always made it work somehow. The best times though were when we picked a time where no one had to rush off so we could enjoy it! I can still here my Grandma’s HO HO HO as she jingled the bells signaling it was safe to come out and see what Santa brought…and we always swore we saw Santa’s Sleigh and reindeer leaving in the sky! I kept the tradition alive with my boys – they always wondered which day he would show up. I would let a few mornings go by watching their disappointed faces and then when they weren’t expecting it – surprise! There were some tough years when the money was tight and non-existent but my mom always made sure it was still a great time for me and my boys. I hope to do the same for my grandkids because Christmas means hope, a promise for the future and that everything will be ok in the end.

8. If you were a pirate searching for buried treasure, what would that treasure be? Something worth a billion dollars so I can retire and do volunteer reading groups for students. Tired of policy makers telling me what kids need to learn how to read like they know better than I! Might just build my own school! I would love to have my own dog rescue too with programs for kids to be involved in helping their rehabilitation (dogs and kids that have lost their way or need to build confidence)

9. What is your favorite quote and why? “It takes both the sun and the rain to make a beautiful rainbow” …I found this quote in a catalog when I was a teen. The simple truth struck me as my inspiration. I have been drawing rainbows with the saying ever since! It reminds me of why we need the balance of the negative and positive – to learn and appreciate…

10.What is your favorite time of day? The time right after everyone else has gone to sleep! Even though I’m usually tired and exhausted – this time is refreshing to me. It’s the time I can relax and not have to be on guard for anything…just listening to the quiet with no ones’ energy but my own…

11. Do you prefer to use Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or Instagram? What’s Instagram? Oh, that’s what it is – another ithingy now turned facebook for photos…maybe I will have to check it out later…or maybe not…who knows?! For now, I prefer Facebook, although they are starting to piss me off changing things that WAS working just fine! Google+ never did seem to take off – at least not in my circles and Facebook is what I am familiar with…besides, I get to meet broken leggers all over the world now! How else would I procrastinate everyday?

Now for my nominations I would like to propose the following;

http://dogsondrugs.com/

http://daddydoinwork.com/

http://deborah-bryan.com/

http://grandmamolly.blogspot.com/

http://www.forgetthelabel.com/

http://mskatiesramblings.blogspot.com/

Also, don't forget to link your blog post back to the one giving you the award as a way to say Thank You!

How many screws later?

2012-08-04T16:20:00.002-04:00

Ugghhh...mmooooooaaaaann... Pain was under control until they temporarily set my leg and put the soft cast on. I took great pride in delivering my boys with the least amount of pain control meds (last boy didn't exactly give me the option but that's another story) but there was a reward at the end - the cutest bundle of joy ever! This pain, however, did not have those same rewards so please tell me why you didn't give me some more PAIN MEDS before doing this!? Oh, Good Grief, hurry up! And why are we doing this anyway if I need surgery?

What do you mean I have to wait till tomorrow morning to have my surgery?! If I need surgery, don't I need it now?! Fine. May I please have something to drink now - it's the least you could do. NO!?? What do you mean, NO!? Even when I was in labor I was allowed ice chips so just give me some of those. NO?! Again you say NO!? Fine. You don't know me very well - just wait till you aren't looking! Now I'm getting a look from those in the room that DO know me. But I know, I know at least one of them will cave in unable to resist the temptation of giving in just to shut me up! And sneak those ice chips I did!

At least when I made it to my room (and recovered from the latest drive down spinning world), I was given a very kind young cute nurse. Quite unexpected having a male nurse (had to turn my charm back on for sure)! All joking aside though, he had to be one of the best nurses I've ever had - he took such good care of me and I was always sad to see him go home. Most of the nurses were good just not as humorous as Craig - he had the extra special gift. I trusted him immediately and relaxed enough to snooze off and on till morning.

Bright and early, my personal supports (true troopers as I know they had to be exhausted and sleepy) and I were up. I think my mom was a little teary as she kissed me bye saying see you in a bit. I felt bad for making her worry so but I didn't have much time to dwell on it - the dreaded ride down the hall took everything I had not to spew all the way to the operating room. However, the anesthesiologist was brilliant! Finally, someone gets me and what this moving around is doing to me. He says, don't worry, I can do something about that. And then...there was nothing for what seemed like a long time! When I woke up disoriented, I was in my room. I had expected to wake up even more sick to my stomach in the recovery room, but here I was back in my room just a bit foggy. Thank goodness there will be no more rides down the hallway for awhile now, but I did notice the patch behind my ear. The anesthesiologist had kept his word and I'll just say now - it made a huge difference - so THANK YOU, Thank You very much for making my world be in sync again!

Once I was a little more with it, it was time to see the pictures - the pictures of the hardware. Later in my recovery, I discovered a YouTube video demonstrating exactly what had been done to my leg - trust me - you don't want to see it! I believe I have a plate, a rod and lord knows how many screws (lost count).

My OS came in later to check on me and immediately removed the sling on my arm. A little worrisome but nice for my neck! He tells me I can use my arm and take a step or two when transferring to the toilet (portable - eww!). I'm looking at him like, "Faseriously?! Really?! I just had surgery and I know you have me all doped up but I'm not stupid - that's going to hurt!!" I must say though, the morphine drip is the way to go. It took care of my pain without stoning me to death. I discovered I didn't even really need it much - mostly for the PT and transfers. In fact I didn't hurt at all as long as no one asked me to wiggle my toes!

Ugghhh...mmooooooaaaaann...

2012-07-29T13:00:00.000-04:00

To cut, or not to cut, that is the question...

First pains started as they positioned my broken leg securely on the back slab...now I'm not sure which I am dreading more - the motion sickness coming my way from the ambulance ride or the PAIN?! Turns out, the pain was the least of the evils. Besides the motion sickness, the pain medicine made me EXTREMELY sick to my stomach! I have no idea (other than sheer will power) how I at least made it to the hospital moaning and groaning the whole way not from pain but for a need to heave. Thank goodness my friend was able to ride with me and answered all their questions for me! She knows how much I despise heaving so she made sure they did everything in their power to lesson the need. Once we arrived and stopped...end of story - no more will power left. This was definitely the lowest point of this ordeal - humor wasn't even a real word at that moment!

I must say everyone communicated really well about passing on "Beware - Extreme Motion Sickness Issues Here" to the next person. Too bad all of them weren't as talented with the driving as some.

Finally, I was able to stay in one spot long enough to discover my sarcastic humor was still intact. Apparently, I was pretty entertaining considering all the cracking up around me (may have been a bit stoned). I was shocked to learn I had broken my left humerus as well as both bones in my left leg. The leg I expected but I had used my arm - shouldn't it have felt "funny" too? So now, I'm going to be very dependent on others which is not what I had in mind for my summer at all. I would require surgery on my leg - arm was optional. Which is worse, surgery or a sling to bug the crap out of me? Will I now not only have all this metal inside me but a stupid plaster cast as well?! Lord knows, no one ever fell in love with their cast! Ugghhh...all the itching coming my way! And the visuals and thoughts just kept coming...

This was the moment. The moment I had a choice to make. I could crash down in the pit of despair or I could reach deep down inside and pull out the best of me. I allowed myself to inwardly grieve for a bit while still making the jokes on the outside and then resigned myself to the facts. Whether I liked it or not, I had to deal with this. No sleeping through this one. I pulled myself up by my inner boot straps and decided I was going to make this as positive and humorous as possible. Something had to keep me entertained for the weeks and months to come! I took a deep breath and exhaled letting all the negatives drift away from me. The more I breathed, the more past stress and baggage lessened their hold on me. I began to feel lighter and happier. Wow, I thought - I've really forgotten how to be...just be in the moment...happy and content! And then they set my leg in a temporary soft cast to immediately test my resolve!

To cut, or not to cut, that is the question...

2012-07-25T02:04:00.001-04:00

Do I listen? No not ever... Waiting on the ambulance, my friend prepares me for the inevitable cutting of my jeans and (gasp) my favorite well-worn motorcycle boots. She jokingly says I didn't need to go to so much trouble to get a new pair (jeans and boots that is). Yes, I planned to get a new pair of boots (jeans were no big deal...just my fat jeans I couldn't wait to retire), but I did NOT plan to get rid of my old comfortable friends - no way did I want to part from them! I tried to distract myself by envisioning walking into a store and finding another exact pair - brand new friends to accompany on future adventures. I even tried imagining finding something even better...Harley cool and expensive! Not exactly comforting, so I just resigned myself to the fact.

The female cop to first arrive was a fellow motorcyclist. In fact, she was considering joining the cycle unit! But, I was giving her slight pause with my motorcycle mishap here...I bet she still puts in for it though. She was really great and supportive, helping me to keep my mind occupied and calm.

Next thing I know, the paramedics arrived. Before I could even cringe about my boots, they already had my jeans cut and began the process of removing my boot - without cutting! I went from ecstatic to panicked within a quick second as I remembered how snugly comfortable my boots hugged my ankle - now not so comforting. I gritted my teeth waiting on the pain and held my breath hoping more damage to my leg wouldn't befall me for allowing them to even try. First attempt, not successful, but at least no major pain. The thought flashed by, "It must be really bad if I can't feel it". I opened my mouth to say, "Just cut it off but hurry and get it over with" - I was prepared to grieve and sacrifice my favorite pair of boots in trade for the benefit of my leg's health. Relief! It was off on the second try faster than I could utter the first sound! They were my heroes - that took talent! At least this time, I remembered to say thank you. "No problem, we know how important your boots are to you!" They must be fellow riders to be so wise.

Now to face the ambulance ride...

Do I Listen? No not ever...

2012-07-22T15:52:00.002-04:00

I had this nagging feeling - a very subtle nag. You know the one right? The one too easily explained away. The one fated to slip under the door nearly unnoticed because it's really just trying to give you a heads up. A hint of a forewarning - something necessary on your journey but not a fun detour is just around the bend. Been there, done that, you say?! Me too, too many times! All the "Why Me" and "What If's" especially when previously all had been going so well - almost perfect (which should probably be a warning in and of itself that Murphy's Law will be knocking). In the end, it's hard to say you regret the experience because you're not sure you'd be right where you are...being the person you need to be. I mean let's face it...how many of us would willingly go through trauma based on the statement "It will make you grow as a person, appreciate all you have and take you to your dreams"!?! I know I wouldn't. It's kind of like being in an airplane (last thing I want to do) and someone telling me, "If you jump, you'll find a bottomless pit of money, the secret to your ideal body image all in a pill without plastic surgery and endless exercise and all your other silly whims of happiness and success!" Nope, still not happening because my fear of falling is going to override anything sounding too good to be true. No way in hell am I jumping...which is why someone (or fate) will have to push me out. Sometimes, though, I wonder...what if I had listened to the little voice in my head? Would the status quo remain in tact and well or would I just be saying, "Why Me" about something else even worse or even...

Not a good cycle to start exploring. Best to to believe the unwanted detour has a beneficial purpose.

So if you read my previous post A week with FlyLady! ...until - WHAMMY!, then you know what I did to myself. If not, stay tuned for my detour adventure...

Here's your hint:

Keep scrolling...

Keep scrolling...

So anyhoo...I knew I needed to be working on my cleaning and projects...already been lazy procrastinating on the computer too long and had the little nag to hold off on the motorcycle ride till the following day. I brushed it aside thinking I was just stuck in lazy mode and if I wasn't going to work on my projects, I could take care of my spirit. Off I went and initially all was well, but then on a right hand 90 degree turn...I stalled the engine which made it lurch forward, lean, catch my right front peg and over it went. No damage other than feeling like a fool and going "what the hell" as my friend helped me lift it back up (Honda 750 Shadow not as light as a 250 Rebel). This was my last omen to turn around and go home. Next turn - 90 degrees to the left. I still don't know quite what happened. I had a sense of something getting caught on the pavement again (did I take the turn too fast and lean too far?). Maybe it was the peg, maybe it was my left foot and that's how I broke my left leg - who knows. The only witnesses saw the aftermath not what initiated it. I also had a sense of having a "saved it" moment with the choice of either going straight and stopping in the grass or still turning. I believe I thought I still had room to turn - I think this is where the gravel for sure and maybe newer tires and drought slick roads conspired to do me in. All I know, is in a blink, I was down with the hot motorcycle pipe on my leg. I thought the pipe was burning through my leg through my jeans but it may have just been the road rash stinging. A kind Hispanic man and his son lifted the motorcycle off my leg (I still feel bad I forgot to say Gracias in my shock and wounded pride). I told everyone I thought I was fine as he and my friend helped me to stand up. I knew my shoulder/arm would be sore in the upcoming week as I believed this is where I landed, but I was not prepared for the funny feeling in my left leg when I tried to take a step. I announced, "My leg feels funny - does this mean I broke it?" I didn't like the look on my friend's face as I also shared I was feeling sick and light headed from the (heat?).

I opted to be put back down on the edge of the hot gravely road rather than hopping to the grass. I reluctantly agreed to the ambulance as my friend started preparing me for the inevitable cutting of the jeans (not like I hadn't already put some holes in them) and my favorite well-worn motorcycle boots.

A week with FlyLady! ...until - WHAMMY!

2012-07-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

Day One:

The black hole living room is where I am to focus this week according to FlyLady. I think I know where she got the name for her site. She has recruited all the flies to be her spies and now I know why they are multiplying faster than my fly hunter can catch them. They have been reporting back to FlyLady in droves about my black hole and so she has set her flight plan for the living room just for me. I don't know whether to thank her or declare major war on these fly spies!

"...The things that you almost don't even see because they have just become part of the room, get it out!..."

Yeah, she just told on herself. How else would she know if she wasn't spying on me? So, I guess it's time to figure out how I am to distinguish the decor from the clutter. I'd really like to vanquish all the clutter in one week, so while I may keep an eye on the daily flight plan, it will be my mission to turn her Monday into a week. Did I really just say I wanted to prolong the agony of a Monday?! Anyone have any ideas or special secret magical gadgets to help me with this nightmare?

Maybe the reward system will work...If I survive and complete my quest , I promise myself a new entertainment center and flat screen TV! (gotta have a new decor to clutter - right?)

Day Two:

Ok, didn't make a big dent in Day One, but today is a brand new day, right? I saw that smirk you tried to hide!

"...One of my all time favorite missions for the living room is to go sofa and chair diving!..."

I remember the days when I did this on a weekly basis...I was younger and more energetic then and my boys always left me many treasures to find! Sometimes, I was horrified by what I found - gooey, sticky, unidentifiable - I'm sure you know what I mean as your own flash memories whiz by. Sometimes, I found those missing items they swore they knew nothing about. My couches now are different. If something falls down between the cushions, it goes all the way to the floor or some obscure place I can't reach. In order to go sofa diving now, the couch must be relocated and turned upside down. It's not as much fun anymore, but I can tell you this - teenagers sometimes leave even more horrifying things stuffed underneath and they didn't accidentally get there...it's premeditated!

Day Three:

The technical computer projects that were only suppose to take a few minutes lied to me, so of course not much else was accomplished yesterday. But hey, finally got my teens started on their blog - Teenacious Mind Farts - check it out! Once again today is a brand new day...but I hear my new friend calling me to take me on a long ride...so...no promises today.

Oh my - I'm in trouble! The fly spies told on my again! I just checked FlyLady's to do list today and the first thing I spot is...

"Today is Wednesday: Anti-Procrastination Day"

She's found my weakness and greatest talent - procrastination. On top of that she wants me to do a detailed dusting in the living room but I haven't relocated all the clutter yet! Two choices, forget I read today's to do list or a compromise? Let's try compromise. I promise to detail dust any clutter I remove and the surface underneath - that should work (tomorrow sure is going to be a long day of catch up work...wonder what new obstacle I'll invent tomorrow).

Day Four:

Today's living room chore is sweeping - I can handle that! And hey, what do you know, today is errand day which I combined with my procrastination cycle ride yesterday! This means I'm already one step closer to catching up to my goal for the week. Of course, the errands are a much easier job than dealing with this clutter. Must keep envisioning my new flat screen TV. My mantra today will be...flat screen TV...new flat screen TV...oh yes, brand new flat screen TV...

Way Past Day Four:

...Ok, so now I've been caught - I started day four before I left on that long ride Wednesday. And for being deceitful, I was rewarded with a whammy of a new obstacle - I laid my cycle down (6/27/12) and broke my left humerus, tibia and fibula, so day four was actually spent waking up from surgery. I now have plates/rods and screws in my arm and leg. I at least got a soft cast. So...week with FlyLady is not only a bust but has been put off until I am mobile! I am just now clear-headed enough to finish this blog and finally able to type two-handed even if I do have to use my right arm to lift my left arm up, over and plopped down on the keyboard. I did buy myself a new Nikon 3100. Since I can't play with my last toy for awhile, I thought I'd try my other nagging impulsive must have. I figure I have the extra time to begin learning photography - not sure how far I will take it but it is giving me a purpose to problem solve crippled body maneuvering (that ought to be worth something). Had thoughts of writing my own education resource book - of course I think I was already stoned out of my mind at that moment (trying so hard to find the silver lining), but not as sure now since it took nearly two weeks to feel like blogging. Time will tell. For now, there will be no new entertainment center and flat screen TV. I plan to hold myself accountable to a clean uncluttered living room = reward, but in addition I will have to undo the extra clutter of making the living room my crippled bedroom which includes far more than just a wheelchair! And the next time I wonder about what new obstacle I'll invent...PLEASE slap me silly!

Mama Rides Again!

2012-06-21T13:04:00.000-04:00

Want to fix a mid-life crisis or other life slumps? Do something you always wished, but didn't, because you were trying to be the responsible grown-up. Dare to step out of your comfort zone. In other words, tickle your inner child!

Seven years ago, I was in need. I went out and did something crazy. I bought a motorcycle. It didn't matter I had no license or experience (unless you want to count being a passenger). I just did it. I hid it successfully from my mom for a month before my kids told on me. It's not like I needed permission but I thought I would save her from the "worry" as long as possible. "I'm getting ready to turn 40," I told my mom, "I think it's time to face the facts - I'm not going to outgrow this phase!"

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My Response

2012-06-18T12:14:00.000-04:00

My response to Diane Ravitch’s question - Calling Teachers of Special Education and other teacher’s input…

http://dianeravitch.net/2012/06/18/calling-teachers-of-special-education/#comment-3410

I don't think there is any perfect answer here. There ARE Special Education Teachers out there believing they HAD a cushion job - they are exponentially struggling in this "reform" era due to data collection. But my question is why those teachers weren't addressed individually? Why did we have to create all these mandates, scripts and assessments to force them to raise their level to average? The impact on great teachers was the equivalent of "clipping their wings" so they, too, now, are average. Currently everyone is trying desperately to hang on to their jobs.

Letting Go!

2012-06-17T11:13:00.000-04:00

I love watching the show, Hoarders! Why, you ask? Simple. My house and dysfunctional ways look normal and clean and organized compared to the ones on the show. I swear I would never allow myself to go that far...but the truth is I recognize myself in little glimpses as they begin to tell their story - their path to this deep black hole (buried under STUFF).

I've always been a pack rat for sure. It started with items having memories and emotions attached. That's normal right?
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Crazy Things...

2012-06-15T19:55:00.001-04:00

I love craziestgadgets.com. It's always good for a laugh! This last one though is only funny when I imagine it in someone else's house. This might be great for grandparents (don't get any ideas mom) to buy grandchildren as paybacks to their children or your neighbor because their annoying child thinks YOU are the GREATEST and WON'T GO AWAY! Perhaps there's someone else in the realm of family and friends requiring a plotted revenge on the down low - you're secret is safe with me.
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Street Surfing

2012-06-15T16:32:00.001-04:00

It all started with a trip to the ocean where the surf called my son's name. Forget the boogie board, he wanted to really surf like the cool ones riding the waves. We only had a few hours for this last leg of our traveling vacation but he was determined. I was quite impressed - he actually managed to get on his feet and ride some smaller waves in. He'd probably make a great surfing beach bum, if only he had more time...and then he spotted the answer - a skateboard. He begged for additional souvenir funds as he had zero left. He argued we'd never find another shop where he could build his own. He'd even settle for the cheapest one, if only I would say, YES, immediately!
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Bug Me!

2012-06-10T11:58:00.000-04:00

Did you know June is the month of "Fight the Filthy Fly Month"? Normally geared towards the torment savored especially for horses, it has become my torment as well.


http://www.all-yours.net/c/gallery/1356.html

It all started two years ago when they seemed particularly bad and well I guess I had allowed my dogs to get a bit too bored. Their antics of catch the fly lasted a few days at the end of summer and brought tears of laughter to all watching. The next year, they zeroed in on the first fly daring to enter the house after the winter cold.
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Deceived?

2012-06-08T20:46:00.000-04:00

I recently liked a Facebook Page (Teach Plus). I initially thought it might actually be supporting Teachers in urban schools until they posted this…
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Change the Name Game

2012-06-04T20:36:00.001-04:00

What is up with all the naming rights?! I remember when a building was born and christened with its name forever more. Now, every few years we rename our city landmarks according to the highest bidder. Imagine if everyone you knew decided to change their name every year or two...pretty soon we'd just call everyone, "Hey, You!"
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Fact or Fiction? Help me sniff it out!

2012-06-02T12:26:00.000-04:00

There is a reason I try not to pay attention to politics - ignorance can be bliss - but seriously I don't have enough time in the day to possibly sort through all the jargon, loop holes and manipulative deceptions. Like most of us, I am resigned to the ride of our government and I save my energy for issues close to home - something I can actually influence like who gets to take out the trash, which TV show to tune into, or clean the toilet after it has been peed on once again.

And then I received an email about HR 4646.
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Be Gone Disorder, Be Gone With You!

2012-05-28T21:45:00.001-04:00

I've so enjoyed my peaceful lazy 4 day weekend, but it is time to get my butt in gear! Minus a bit of allergies - I have finally recuperated from this last virus. I have reached the point of the Teacher Countdown Days! Unfortunately, all those goals of exercise, de-cluttering, school paperwork complete, etc. have fallen to the wayside. Panic has set in! Everything around me is huge! I'm huge. My mess of clutter is huge.
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