Humble Tidbits of Vacuity

I've Moved

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 14:40:00 +0000

I can now be found at http://www.textualintercourse.wordpress.com.

Thank you.

I Was 16 My First Time

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 02:25:00 +0000

Laws Cannot Prevent Underage Sex... It only Makes Sex Offenders Out of Children

ABBA Dabba Doo

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:09:00 +0000

Several months ago, we were over at my sister-in-law’s house for something, a birthday party most likely, and A was having a good time with her cousin playing Nintendo Wii. They were playing High School Musical: Sing It. This is a game where songs from the movie are played and you sing along with them into a microphone and the game judges you on your pitch and durations of the notes. Despite the fact that A isn’t into High School Musical, she had an absolutely great time singing along with the songs.

Since the movie Mamma Mia came out, A has been totally digging on ABBA. She loved the Mamma Mia soundtrack and asked us to get ABBA albums out of the library. She’d walk around the house with her headphones on singing ABBA. We’d be in the van listening to the Mamma Mia soundtrack and she’d be singing the songs.

Three weeks ago, we went to Target to look for a birthday present for one of her friends. A went to the toys to look around while L and I went around to get some things that we needed (dishwasher soap, Capri Suns, etc). When we got to the toy department, A wasn’t there. Not to worry, though. She wasn’t far off. She was in the video game section, just standing before the cabinet with eyes wide as wide could be.

There, on the top shelf behind the glass, was a game. Singstar: ABBA. It’s the same kind of game as the High School Musical one I talked about earlier, only it’s on the PS2. And it’s ABBA. And her birthday was coming up.

“That’s what I want for my birthday,” she said. “That right there.” I told her that we’d have to do some research on the game to see what songs were on it and read reviews and what not in order to see if it was really something she wanted. We also informed her that it was going to be much more than the $30 (the cost of the game) because we would also have to purchase the microphones, which were going to be another $25.

I knew that she REALLY wanted this game when she said, “I could use some of my Christmas money to buy the microphones!”

I gave her the text-book parent answer. “We’ll see.”

Well, her birthday came and one of the presents she opened up was Singstar: ABBA. She hugged it and didn’t want to put the box down.

“Can we put it in?” she asked.

“Uhhh, I guess. But we don’t have the microphones.”

“So? I just want to hear the songs. There are some I don’t know and I want to at least listen to them before I have to sing them.”

So we put the game in and set it up with a throwaway profile so she could listen to the songs. Two days later, it was the weekend and all she kept asking was, “When can we go to GameStop to get the microphones? Can we go now? What about now? What about after lunch? When can we go?”

We went after dinner and she bought the microphones. We arrived at home and she was on the floor opening the box before she had even taken her coat off.

The next 3 hours was as close to an ABBA concert as I’ll ever get. Or want to get. She was having the time of her life, belting out Dancing Queen, The Winner Takes It All, Mamma Mia, and others.

And you know what? It looked like one hell of a good time. We set up S.O.S. as a duet and I sang with her. Her sister sang songs with her. L sang songs with her. And even Z sang with her. Everyone was having a good time. So good, in fact, that I’ll be purchasing SingStar: 80’s on payday.

I’m looking forward to singing Culture Club, Wham, and Flock of Seagulls.

Yes. I am a dork.

Books vs. Movies

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:56:00 +0000

I’m an avid reader. I always have a book to read. I think the longest time I’ve spent between finishing one book and starting another is 2 or 3 days.

I like watching movies, too. After a day of working and an evening with the kids, there’s nothing better than spending a couple of hours “decompressing” in front of a TV screen.

Sometimes, these two things become intertwined, for there are plenty of movies out there in the world that are based on a book.

For years and years, I’ve been of the opinion that, if a movie is a based on a book, I should read the book first. It’s taken me 38 years to realize that this, in my humble, vacuous opinion, has been a mistake.

The beginnings of this conclusion began with Harry Potter. I had no interest in reading Sorcerer’s Stone when it first came out. I had glanced at it in the bookstore and immediately put it down when I saw the word “wizard.” I’ve never been able to really get into books with wizards, trolls, elves, orcs, etc. (However, I WILL read The Lord of the Rings before I die. I’ve been trying to read those books since I was 16, but that’s a completely different story.)

In 2003, my family saw the movie Sorcerer’s Stone. And we loved it. We bought that movie and Chamber of Secrets and we loved that one too. I was sold. We bought the books and I began reading them to my daughter. When the movie version of Prisoner of Azkaban came out, we had already read that book. When we saw the movie, we were disappointed. We didn’t enjoy it as much as the previous 2 movies. So much had been left out of the story. At the time, it was easy to blame it on the change of directors. Chris Columbus directed the first 2 movies. Alfonso Cuaron directed the third. Every Potter film as initially been disappointing, but after subsequent viewings they have become more enjoyable.

More recently, there were the movies Hostage and Gone Baby Gone. I really enjoyed the books, but as for the movies……not so much.

Which brings me to The Ruins. The Ruins is a 2008 horror film. The DVD looked promising, but I didn’t have high hopes because a) I had never heard of it before and b) it’s a horror film. Typically, that’s a recipe for bad. But I borrowed it from the library and was surprised at how good it actually was. To be clear, this will never be a classic and it won’t win any type of award or anything, but it was pretty good (and graphic) for what it was.

A few weeks later, I was at the library again and I saw a book called The Ruins. It jumped out at me because I recently saw the movie. As I read the description, I thought it sounded WAY too much like the movie to be a coincidence. A quick check of the DVD box confirmed that the movie was based on the book. Screenplay for the movie was done by the book’s author. So I checked out the book and read it. It was a pretty darn, good book.

Now, the thing is, this is a book I would never have read. In fact, if I knew the movie was based on the book, I don’t think I would have ended up seeing the movie knowing what the book was about. And if, by some chance, I did read the book before seeing the movie, I would not have liked the movie (for there were many, many changes).

So…the movie (which I enjoyed) helped me enjoy the book as well. Had I read the book first, the best scenario would have been that I liked the book but hated the movie.

So, my long standing rule is changing. When it comes to movies based on books, I will see the movie before reading the book. Maybe that will help me get through The Lord of the Rings. Although I’ve tried watching Fellowship of the Ring several times and can’t seem to make it though without getting completely confused.

Thanksgiving

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:59:00 +0000

Being a picky eater, I’ve never enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner....and more and more often, Thanksgiving as a whole.

When I was a kid, the table would be filled with all sorts of Thanksgiving food and I’d be eating a bowl of cereal. As time passed, special concessions weren’t made for me anymore (rightly so!) and I had to eat what was available.

My Thanksgiving dinner, since I was about 12 or so, has been dinner rolls. Maybe a small slice of turkey (think Post-It note size). Maybe a couple spoonfuls of corn.

And every year, it’s like it’s some sort of surprise.

“Is that all you’re going to eat?”

“Yep.”

“That’s it????”

“It’s fine.”

“But there’s stuffing and sweet potatoes and gravy and green beans and turkey and beets and cranberry sauce…”

“Nope, this roll is all I need.”

“I’ve never heard of someone eating rolls for Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Sure you have. Every year for the last 15 this is what I’ve eaten.”

And the rest of the day, it’s more of the same.

“You sure you don’t want any (insert food item here)?”

“Nope, I’m good thanks.”

It just keeps going until I get upset and say something like, “Look…if I wanted (food item), I’d have eaten it. I don’t want any. Stop asking me about it, ok?”

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t go hungry.”

“I’m 38 years old. I don’t need anyone to make sure that I eat. I don’t need to be reminded that there’s food here. I’m not going to leave the house and say ‘but nobody told me there was…whatever’. It’s Thanksgiving. There’s food here. I get it. I’ve eaten what I want, so just let it go.”

That conversation, in some form or other, happens. Every. Single. Year.

I don’t like Thanksgiving.

Facebook

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 23:22:00 +0000

The passage of time is an interesting thing. It's funny how some things so far away while other things, that may have happened earlier, seem like yesterday.

Recently, through the magic that is Facebook, I have become "friends" with people whom I haven't seen in...well...decades; former classmates, ex girlfriends, people I used to work with, etc.

In some instances, people I went to Jr. High School with don't seem as long ago as some ex co-workers. An ex-girlfriend seems like a lifetime ago, but my next door neighbor from 1977 only seems like a few years.

Regardless of how little or how much time has passed, I find it interesting to be able to see people who have been in my life at one point or another. Some have had a dramatic impact on my life, some less so. But all are people I am proud to have known.

A Pen is Just a Pen, Isn't It?

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:55:00 +0000

I don’t understand the expensive pen.

To me, a Write Bros. pen is just fine and dandy. I can get a dozen for a fraction of the cost of the expensive ones.

Heuristically Programmed Algorithmic Computer

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:41:00 +0000

I hate the goddamn U-SCAN machines at my local grocery store. I have never been able to use these “convenient” devices without it becoming necessary for an attendant to get involved.

Take the other day, for example. That morning, my daughter was making oatmeal and discovered that we were out of milk. So I ran up to the store to get some. I ended up getting 2 gallons of milk and two small boxes of donuts. There was 1 checkout lane open and there were 6 people in line. I didn’t want to wait, so I thought I’d give the U-SCAN a try. I hadn’t used the U-SCAN in about 6 months because of previous less-than-satisfactory experiences, but I thought “what the hell.”

So I scan my first gallon of milk and it tells me to place the item in the bag. I do. It tells me (again) to place the item in the bag. At this point, my shoulders slumped. I looked to the sky and heaved a sigh that unmistakably said, “For the sake of all that is holy in this god-awful world….WHY?” Meanwhile the machine repeated its request: “Please place the item in the bag.” I lifted the milk out of the bag and set it down again. The U-SCAN continued with, “Please place the item in the bag.” Again, I lifted the milk and set it down again. This did nothing, for the U-SCAN still wished for me to “place the item in the bag.”

Now, even though these are U-SCAN machines, there is an employee of the store stationed in the area to help customers in need, to accept checks as payment, etc. I signaled for help. He came over and asked what the problem was. I told him. The machine, ever so politely, made its request again: “Please place the item in the bag.” You know what the employee did? He picked up the milk in the bag and set it down again. And it fucking worked.

“Sometimes you have to pick it up and set it down again,” he explained.

“Gosh, really? Thanks, I’ll remember that from now on.” He smiled and went back to his employee station. I turned back to machine and scanned my next gallon of milk.

“Please place the item in the bag.” I set it in the bag and nothing happened. After a few moments, the U-SCAN said, “Please place the item in the bag.” So I lift the milk up and set it down again. This time, however, the U-SCAN said, “Please wait for an attendant.”

What. The. HELL.

I turned to signal the attendant and found that he was already walking in my direction with some hand-held thing in his hands. He looked at my screen, pressed a few buttons on his hand-held and my scan registered. I started to thank him, but he was already walking back to his station. I scanned the first box of donuts.

“Please wait for an attendant.”

I stood there and shook my head in resignation. The attendant appeared at my shoulder, looking at my screen and pressing buttons on his hand-held. My scan registered. “Please place the item in the bag.” I did so, fully expecting no confirmation that I had done so. However, in a stunning turn of events, it did not repeat its request and was patiently waiting for me to scan my next item. I scanned the second box of donuts.

“Please wait for an attendant.”

“Suck on my dick.”

The attendant reappeared again, looking at my screen and pressing buttons. The scan registered, he disappeared. “Please place the item in the bag.” I put the box on top of the other box of donuts and pressed the PAY NOW button. Of course, there was NO ISSUE WHATSOEVER the payment process. That’s not surprising, really. It’ll take your money just fine.

I left the store with a strengthened resolve to not use the U-SCAN again. But I’m sure, in a future moment of weakness, I’ll forget the intensity of my current feelings and I’ll be lured into giving it another shot.

Microwave Shmicrowave

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 15:58:00 +0000

Anybody ever have a microwave oven that actually defrosts well?

I've never seen one that can. The two we had when I was a kid, the one we had in our first apartment, the one that came with the house that we bought, and the new one I just installed a week ago...none have been able to defrost in anything close to a convenient time.

Saturday night, my wife wanted to make lettuce wraps. As with all recipies, she doubles or triples the batch, so we had to defrost 6 frozen chicken breasts. I figured I'd do 3 in the microwave, and I'd do 3 by hand under the kitchen faucet (or tap, for all my British readers). The 3 I did by hand were defrosted in about 10 minutes. In the microwave, it took about 35 minutes.

That just seems weird to me.

Dead On!

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 12 May 2008 14:52:00 +0000

http://www.wetherobots.com/2008/05/12/bobs-memoir-part-2/

This actually could have been about me. It totally hits the nail right on the head.

All Over The Place

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 19:33:00 +0000

Something happened this past weekend that, quite simply, cannot paint a better picture that shows how different I am from the other parents at school.

This past weekend was an overnight campout for the cub scouts. Not a campout with tents and stuff. We were in a structure at the official scouting camp for this region. There was electricity, but no heat. There were beds, but with those really thin vinyl mattresses. A good time was had by all who attended.

ANYWAY…after the kids had gone to bed (or at least, into their rooms), we adults were sitting around the campfire. Apparently, I had completely zoned out because one of the guys nudged me and said, “You look like your deep in thought.”

My reply was, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Is it personal?”

“Umm….no, not really.”

“Well, lay it on us then.”

I glanced around, shrugged and said, “OK. I was just sitting here looking at the fire and I started thinking about how people sat around fires hundreds of thousands of years ago, which got me thinking about cavemen, which got me thinking about the movie Quest For Fire. It’s a movie from the early 80’s and I saw it on cable. It was the first movie I saw that depicted sex on the screen. Nothing graphic, ya know. But there was this scene where a cavewoman was squatting by a river or something getting a drink and this caveman came up on her from behind and started humping her. That got me thinking about my dogs because both of them are in heat. Even though they are both female, one of my dogs mounts the other one, and that’s just strange. Thinking about my dogs, I was thinking about how they have different colored collars…one purple and one green. I remember specifically making the decision to have two different colored collars because it would be like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, where each one of the turtles had differently colored bandanas. Leo was blue, Don was purple, Mike was orange, and Raph was red. Thinking about the turtles reminded me of how I used to play with the action figures when I was a teenager. I was a fan of the comics and it was fun to have the action figures. Not the same kind of fun that I had with Star Wars and G.I. Joe action figures. I used to play with those a lot. We’d be outside in the dirt and stuff and we’d set up the G.I. Joe’s like they were assaulting the fortress of the bad guys and stuff. When that kind of thing got boring, we played ‘real-life’ G.I. Joe, where we’d have our toy guns running around the neighborhood shooting each other. Which is kind of what I do now, but on the computer instead. Some guys from work and I play Call of Duty 4, which is a war-game kind of video game where you’re running around in a computer generated arena shooting each other. And then I got to thinking about how advanced video games have come in the last 30 years or so. I had an Atari 2600 when I was a kid and one of my favorite games was Megamania. That was a game where these ships flew across the top of the screen and your ship, at the bottom, had move back and forth shooting the ones at the top. The fast you cleared a lever, the more points you got. I always thought the ship I controlled looked like the Starship Enterprise from Star Trek; the original series, not The Next Generation or anything. That got me thinking about the new Star Trek movie that’s coming out next year and how all new actors are playing the original series characters and I was wondering if it was going to be a more realistic vision of the future or if they were going to have some 60’s throw back stuff, like with the miniskirts and stuff. I always found it strange that girls, like in the old Star Trek and even now in Tennis, have as part of the outfit the portion that looks like underwear. In fact, in the Star Trek technical manual I have, they have patterns for making the uniforms if you want, and that part of the female uniform is actually called the uniform panty. And I was wondering why it’s ok to show that when walking around or playing tennis but take great pains to not display their real underwear when wearing jeans or pants or stuff. That, then got me thinking about the Victoria’s Secret catalog and I was wondering why it’s just ONE bra but a PAIR of panties. That’s when you asked what I was thinking.”

All was quiet for a few seconds, except for the crackling of the fire, and one guy finally said, “Wow.”

Another said, “I was just thinking about a time when I was around a fire when my dad and I were on a fishing trip when I was a kid.”

I said, “I was all over the place.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

And then the talk became about fishing and golf and stuff. I sat there for a while, not joining in because I don’t know the first thing about fishing OR golf. Finally, we all decided to turn in. The fire was put out and we went to bed.

Story of My Life

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:17:00 +0000

So…I was sitting here trying to think of something to write about. And I couldn’t think of anything. So I turned to Google and searched for “ideas for blog topics.” One of the pages that the search returned was called 101 Great Posting Ideas That Will Make Your Blog Sizzle.

Number 73 of the 101 said to “Create a post that incorporates the words, ‘desperate’ and ‘futile’”. Brilliant! That suggestion practically wrote the post for me!

I was desperate enough to do a Google search for blog posting ideas. However, it proved futile because I still have nothing of substance to say.

Dead Presidents

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:17:00 +0000

When you think about it, money is just really arbitrary. Here’s a sheet of paper. It has a 5 on it. That means you have 5 dollars. If it had a 10 on it, you’d have 10 dollars.

Why is it arbitrary? Because sometimes businesses will accept Canadian money. That’s not legal tender here in the U.S. of A. But they’ll accept it. Oh, they won’t accept all types, mind you. You couldn’t pay for anything with a Canadian bill. That’s just not right. But a Canadian dime? Or a Canadian quarter? Or penny? They have no problem accepting that.

Case in point. There is a Family Dollar close to where I work. I can get a 20 oz. Diet Coke for $1.15 there. That right there is a bargain with a capital B. But I found out a way to get it cheaper.

About a week or so ago, I picked up what I thought was a quarter from the parking lot of a local Target store. But it was a Canadian quarter. I was initially disappointed because the vending machines at work (and everywhere else for that matter) simply do no take Canadian. I was about to give it to my kid when I had the grand idea. I would see if I could use this to pay for a 20 oz. Diet Coke at the Fam-D (as I like to call it). So, on payday Friday, I took a crisp one dollar bill and my Canadian quarter and went to get a Diet Coke. The cashier rang it up at $1.15, I gave her the dollar and the “quarter”, and I got a dime back. So, when all was said and done, I got me a 20 oz. Diet Coke for a grand total of 90 cents American.

As I said earlier, I probably couldn’t have done this with a Canadian dollar bill. But with the change, that’s a different story. Apparently, if it looks close enough to a quarter (or dime or penny), it will be accepted.

Our House...In The Middle Of The Street

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 14:57:00 +0000

I moved out of my parents’ house in 1990. My parents sold their house and moved to a new one in 1991. The people who are living in my old house right now are the third owners of that house since my parents sold it. And the house is up for sale again.

This past Sunday, it was an Open House. I had no real desire to walk through and look at the house, because it’s not mine anymore and there would be no point. After 17 years, many things would be different and it just wouldn’t be the house that I remember…so why do it? You can’t go home again.

But…..my mom wanted to go have a look so I said that I would go with her. The changes that were made were quite glaring. But that was to be expected. My mom, however, seemed distraught by the changes. It had hard wood floors instead of carpeting, our living room is now the dining room and vice versa, the bathrooms and the kitchen had been TOTALLY redone. My mom was particularly concerned with the whole living room / dining room thing, and kept lamenting about it long after we left.

But I was surprised at some of the things that were exactly the same as I remember. For instance, the carpet on the stairs going from the 1st to 2nd floor is the same carpet (and it looked like it), the wallpaper in the closet of the room that was mine was the same, as was the glass covering of the light fixture in the upstairs bathroom.

But it’s what I saw in the basement that was really unexpected and surprising to me. Above the little storage area underneath the basement steps, hung on a hook, was my old, plastic, personalized light switch cover plate. It has a drawing of a boy on the left hand side, and above the little rectangle where the switch would be is my name. Of course, this is not where I had last seen it. When I moved out, it was still performing its duty as a light switch cover plate in my old bedroom. My mom said that they never took it off the wall when they moved out.

So to sum up…through 3 different owners and over the course of 18 years, that plastic wall switch cover plate of mine has remained in that house. I don’t know if it’s been in different places in the house over the years, or if the people who bought it from my parents put it there. But it is nothing beyond stunning to me that after all this time it’s still there and in a quite accessible place.

Yesterday, I e-mailed the realtor who is selling the house. I told him who I was, why I had gone through the house, what I had found, and asked about the possibility of reclaiming that personalized, plastic light switch cover. Today, I received an e-mail from the realtor telling me that he’s forwarded my e-mail to the owners of the house and will let me know. It would be the coolest of all things cool if I’m able to get it.

A Day

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:34:00 +0000

For the last 2 weeks, I’ve opened up MS Word and stared at a blank document wondering what to say about…….anything.

For the last 2 weeks, I haven’t had anything to say about ………anything.

So, instead of just letting the days go by without updating, I’ll just start talking about what I did today.

I woke up this morning at 7:30 after staying up until 4am playing Call of Duty 4 on the PC. We took Z to a Dr. appointment at 9am, which lasted until 9:50.

After that, I went to work. So far I’ve applied a software update, helped move some office furniture around, got a list of necessary files together for a company that we’re outsourcing some work to.

For lunch today, I met up with an old friend from high school. He was a half-hour late because he got stuck in a meeting. I had a calzone with bacon.

While I was waiting for him to arrive, I came up with a list of the books I’d like to read: Lord of the Flies, The Outsiders, Hound of the Baskervilles, A Christmas Carol, Stranger in a Strange Land, War of the Worlds, The Invisible Man, Peter Pan, Robinson Crusoe, all the Harry Potter books again, Gone Baby Gone, Sissy Nation, The Lord of the Rings saga, The Italian Secretary, Guns of the South, Time and Again, From Time to Time, The Forge of God, Darwin’s Radio, I Robot, 2001 A Space Odyssey, Childhood’s End, Timescape, Contact, The Exorcist, and A Separate Peace (cuz I never read it in high school).

After lunch, I installed some programs a girl here at work needed onto a laptop.

Later tonight Z has baseball practice. I don’t know if we’re going to go since it is spring break and there may only be a few people there. If we don’t go, the family and I are going to the mall. My wife wants to stop at the Franklin-Covey store for some stuff.

The Big Bang Theory is on tonight and I hope to be able to watch I Am Legend…the alternate version with (in my humble vacuous opinion) the better ending, instead of that stupid ending that was in the theatrical release. I’m also going to enter my Coke Rewards Codes into my account at mycokerewards.com. I’ve got about 40 that have been sitting around waiting for me to do just that.

Later.

Hey, Kids...What Time Is It?

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 18:34:00 +0000

I’m not a fan of the time change. This past weekend, we entered “Daylight Saving Time.” For those who don’t know what that is, that’s the time of year when we move our clocks ahead 1 hour. Ostensibly, this is done to save energy. More daylight means less use of electricity. Or so they hope. In the fall, we will set our clocks back 1 hour. This is done…..well, I don’t know WHY it’s done. I think the whole thing is ridiculous. I’m all for more daylight, so why don’t we just keep it this way from now on?

Anyway, as I get older these time changes really fuck with my internal clock. It never used to be that way. Sure, there was an adjustment period for the first day or two. But anymore, it takes me a week or so to internally come to grips with the new time. And that really doesn’t make sense to me. I typically get 3-4 hours of sleep each night. There’s no reason for me to become overtired because of this.

Lady Luck

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:13:00 +0000

OK, so….I was at my daughter’s indoor soccer game a week and a half ago. I like watching indoor soccer. It just moves faster than outdoor soccer. But anyway…

I’m not sure if this is how all indoor soccer arenas are set up, but this one has netting that goes all around the sides and across the top. When a team causes the ball to hit the netting, it’s considered something like “out of bounds” and the other team gets the ball at approximately the spot where it hit the net.

Well, at the game, the ball was kicked and it hit the net right in front of the stands were we were sitting. This one woman about two rows down from me hunkered down and put her arms up to protect herself. I guess this is a normal reaction…to protect yourself…even though the net is there to prevent such and unfortunate eventuality from occurring. Anyway, when she un-hunkered and realized that she was indeed safe from harm, she said, “Wow! It’s lucky that net was there!”

And I just sat there in disbelief. Because there was no “luck” involved in what had just transpired. It wasn’t some accidental occurrence that had placed the net at that spot at that time. The net was placed there by design, in order to do exactly what it did: protect the spectator.

Idiot.

Contains Previously Released Material, But Modified So As Not To Be Repetitive

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 18:13:00 +0000

You have no idea how difficult this is for me. I’m sure there are plenty of things I could write about here, if I weren’t so indifferent about, well, pretty much everything.

I’ve seen many blogs across the tubes of the Internet where the author has asked his/her readers “Why did you start your blog?” I’ve never answered this question because I never had an answer other than, “I dunno.” But I’ve been thinking about it in the back of my mind for quite some time now. And while I don’t have an answer that starts with something like, “I started my blog in order to ________,” I will say that whenever I do post something, it makes me feel good.

Why is that, you might ask?

Well, I think it’s because writing stuff down forces me to pay attention to and engage things I’ve seen and done in my life…something that I don’t do all that often.

But, Kevin, that doesn’t make sense. How can you not pay attention to and engage things that you, yourself, have been a part of?

Good question, and maybe those are the wrong words. I just know that in the past 2 weeks, I’ve played racquetball twice, gone to and indoor water park, gone to Dave & Busters, dealt with my car (which is on its last legs) not being able to start for 30-40 minutes after turning it off, and helped coach 3 basketball games. And I don’t really have anything more to say about having done any of it, other than factually state that I did those things. It doesn’t matter to me whether I did those things or not, and I often have to think very hard about what I could write about. It’s almost a chore for me to identify something I could write about and then actually write something more substantial than “I went to the grocery store today.”

“Horse hockey!” you might say. You might also say, “You’ve had this blog since 2003. Don’t tell me you have a hard time coming up with things to write about.”

Well, truth be told, I’m actually rather surprised that I’m still making posts after almost 5 years. And also, it takes me a while to write my posts (unless, of course, it’s a funny video I want to share). I would say that, on average, it takes me about 2 hours to write my posts. That, of course, doesn’t count the time I spend thinking about what I’ve done and seen that interests me enough to say more than, “I went to the grocery store today.” In fact, it’s taken me about 4 hours over the last 3 days just to get to this spot in this post. I’ve gotten e-mails from a few people who’ve said that they liked my blog, but wished I would post more often. That’s fantastic that someone would say that. But it’s just so damn exhausting for me to a) identify something interesting enough to write about and b) talk about why it was interesting, how it made me think/feel, etc.

And I’m sure someone out there is going to say something like, “You’re over-thinking it.” But I HAVE to over-think it. Otherwise my post would read like, “Read the paper today.” “Water in the shower wouldn’t turn off.” “Ate dinner.”

But that’s exactly how I go through my life. It’s ridiculous the amount of effort it takes for me to expound on any of it.

This Made Me Laugh

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 15:24:00 +0000

Once again, I tried embedding the video. And once again, I was greeted with spectacular failure. So, you'll just have to click the link.

F-bombs galore, so it's NSFW. But it's damn funny.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/40fa73e376

I Am Legend

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 20:43:00 +0000

I saw I Am Legend on Saturday. Despite the fact that it was different from the book, I found myself enjoying the movie very much. But while the first hour was fantastic, the last half hour seemed rushed, forced, and thrown together. The end of the movie came up on my so quickly, I was left there with a handful of popcorn halfway to my mouth wondering, “That’s it?” Then I started thinking about how it could have been better. I think it would have been better if it was more like the book, where Neville ends up being, at least in the view of the infected, a monster (like vampires are to us). He becomes a legend to them, as the title indicates. Instead, we got an ending of hope, with the title referring to Neville being the creator of, and eventually the one who cures, the disease. Ultimately, I was disappointed in the movie.

I realize that movies that are made from books can’t be just like the books. There’s too much internal dialogue, subplots, characters to force into a movie. Of course you have to leave some stuff out. But in many movies, they at least try to stay close to the general feeling of the book. I think everyone can agree that the Harry Potter movies pale in comparison to the books. But they do a good job and maintaining the feel and being as true as time will allow to the source material.

I’ve always been a proponent of reading the book first, if a movie I was interested in seeing was based off of a book. But lately, I’ve found that this just detracts from my enjoyment of the movie. Here’s a brilliant case in point: Hostage with Bruce Willis. I think that I would have liked this movie had I not read the book first. But, I got the book out of the library, read it, then watched the DVD. Hated it.

So, I Am Legend. Excellent first two-thirds, sub standard last third.

New Year's Resolution

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:45:00 +0000

I’ve never been one to make a New Year’s Resolution. I am who I am, and I don’t make any apologies for that. Certainly, there are some things about myself that I believe could use improvement or things about me that I might need to change in order to enjoy a long life with friends and family. I don’t think that there’s anything magical about Jan 1. Just because it’s the start of the new year, doesn’t mean that it should be the start of a new and improved me. I should be capable of making whatever changes I deem necessary at any time.

But there is one thing about me that I need to change. I’ve had a habit for about 23 years. I’ve tried breaking this habit several times, but I’ve never had any real success. I think the longest I’ve gone without was about 8 days. But it’s time to get serious. I’m ready to quit. And I’m going to do it cold turkey.

Because today, I found a website that lists quite a few different ways to help me break this habit. I really believe I can do it now.

Marian The Librarian

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:19:00 +0000

There’s a new librarian at our neighborhood library. I’m not too fond of her. Recently, our library changed their “Items On Hold” procedures. In the past, you requested material, they called or e-mailed saying it was there, you went to pick it up, and they would get it off the shelf for you. The little slips of paper had the patron and the patron’s library card number on it, so they were able to just type the number in the computer and it really wasn’t necessary to give them your library card. I was able to pick up my wife’s books for here and she was able to pick up mine.

Now…when you’re informed your material is waiting, you have to go get it yourself from the Items On Hold shelf. They’re clearly labeled with your name so you can find it…but your library card number is no longer printed on the slip. This is so people just can’t swipe other patron’s material. The side effect is that the library staff no longer has the card information readily available and it must be provided by the patron. So far, I’m OK with that.

Except that this new librarian has given me several different stories when I try to pick up my wife’s stuff. First, it was that you actually needed to present the patron’s card. I could only pick up my wife’s stuff if I had her card. This, she said, was because there have apparently been divorce circumstances where vengeful spouses have picked up their soon-to-be-ex-significant-other’s material and then thrown them away, thereby racking up huge fines. She had no answer when I pointed out that I could perhaps murder my wife, take her library card, and check out material with the intent to steal it. She let it go, since it was a new system and I was obviously unprepared for it.

Several days later, I showed up to get more material and I had my wife’s card with me. And to put your mind at ease, no…I had not murdered her. Anyway, THIS time I was told that I didn’t actually need her card, as long as I could provide the library card number (which is something I can do due to our extensive use of the library website which required you to login with your card number). Again, she had no answer when I suggested that this didn’t solve the problem she originally presented me with. If we WERE getting divorced, I could still get my wife’s material and incur unbelievable fines if I just provided the card number. I decided to be an asshole kind of guy and pointed out that her original explanation to me (divorce situations) was either a mistake on her part or an intentional lie, and I just wanted to know which one it was. Of course, she said that she was a mistake on her part. Pushing it further, I said that was an odd mistake of reasoning to make, considering the obvious reason of the number not being available on the slip so the patron must provide it.

Then there was the time that material for both my wife and I were available. I brought it all up to the desk to check out. I handed her my books first and told her my card number. No problems occurred. Then I handed her my wife’s books and was told that if I wanted to check out her books, I needed to have her actual card. I pointed out that I hadn’t needed my actual card just moment ago when I checked out my books. THIS time she explained that she had no way of knowing if it was actually my wife’s card or not. I told her that the name would come up on the screen. She said that it’s possible that I would be providing a card number for a fictitious person and possibly be guilty of a third degree felony which is punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a fine of up to $10,000. She had no answer when I asked her how having the actual card in my hands could change that possibility, considering she’d get the same screen on her computer whether she hand typed the number in or scanned it in off the card. She then said that if a patron wants to allow material to be picked up by another patron, then there must be a written permission slip on file.

At that point, I’d had enough. I told her to get the manager. Now, I’ve known the manager for years. I told her that I understood the lady was new and that she’s just doing her job and that since she doesn’t know me she’s understandably wary about letting someone check out another patron’s material. That wasn’t my problem. My problem was all of the different stories and reasons I was being given in an effort to dissuade me. If she would have said, “Sorry, not allowed to do that,” I’d have been cool with that. I’d have gotten around it by talking with the manger, but I’d have been OK with the new girl following her rules. Just don’t come up with all these made up reasons and excuses that are so easily thwarted.

I Come In Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:31:00 +0000

December 22 is The 2nd Annual Global Orgasm For Peace. According to the website, they are doing this "to effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy."

The group that's behind this collective Big O is trying to synchronize at the actual time of the Solstice, which is 6:08am Greenwich Mean Time (the time in London, England.) So, if you're interested, you can click HERE to check the actual time YOU'RE supposed to have your orgasm, because not everybody lives in London.

I'll be listening to this song...and this song...and also this song to celebrate the event.

Superbad

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 04:59:00 +0000

I just saw the movie Superbad. Sweet Jesus, I haven't laughed that hard at a movie in a long time.

Decorations Shmecorations

noreply@blogger.com (Kevin) — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 21:56:00 +0000

Last night, I did the thing I hate the most about the Christmas season: Stringing the lights on the Christmas tree. We have a fake tree, 11 layers high, each layer having 8 branches coming out of the trunk. My wife wants the lights woven up one side of each branch and down the other. This takes about 4 strands of lights. If it were up to me, I’d only use 2 strands and just wrap them around the tree. But, I do have to admit, that weaving all the lights throughout the tree does look much, much better. It’s just damn annoying and takes a good hour and a half. Then the ornaments went on.

What kinds of ornaments do you have? When I was a kid, my parents had the traditional red ball ornaments and silver ball ornaments. When I moved out of the house and had the experience of decorating my own tree, I had them as well. But as the years went by, those ornaments have been replaced with (except for just a couple of exceptions) the Hallmark Keepsake ornaments. We have Star Trek ornaments, Star Wars ornaments, Harry Potter, Tnkerbell, Pooh Bear, Peter Pan, anthropomorphic animals doing all sorts of activities like delivering mail, sledding, and snowball fighting…that kind of stuff. My mom isn’t very fond of our tree. She thinks it looks “patch-quilted.” Sure, it’s not as uniform as a tree with all red ball ornaments or something similar, but it is a tree that has plenty of representation for each of the five members of my family.