Humor-in-Hardtimes

THE HALLOWEEN SCROOGE

2010-10-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

I saw this term on Facebook tonight and thought it was awesome! What would the Halloween Scrooge really be? What would his ghosts of Halloween Past Be? I understand the term because I'm kind of an every single holiday including birthdays scrooge. I'm just not that great at celebrating things. Thank goodness there are other people around me who are good at it.

My mother in law somehow always had the "knack" for a great party, and she always got presents that were just right for each occasion. That part of my brain just doesn't function for some reason. Thank goodness it skipped a generation and my adult daughter has inherited a lot of her Grandma's Gifts for Fun.

So if you are also a "Halloween or Christmas or Birthday" scrooge, don't feel bad, there are a lot of us out there too, and just as many or more who can handle the job.

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating:

2010-10-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating:

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have a kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richard's mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or ..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

I actually love this picture of these "elderly gentlemen." That is what I hope for when I'm their age....good friends who get together and have fun.

Tonight we had a trunk or treat at our church parking lot. It was fun to see everyone from little tiny babies to great older folks dressed up and having so much fun. Then two very cute elderly folks walk by. I take a closer look! It's two teenage sisters dressed as an elderly couple, the wife with her walker and him with his cain gingerly telling everyone else just what was on their minds:)

Why Are Three Legged Dogs Funny?

2010-10-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

Okay so I don't really think that they are, but I wanted to see why other people think they are funny. Then I found this amazing video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSB9aBMayxU

LADDER ACCIDENT

2010-10-30T03:43:00.000-07:00

A LADDER ACCIDENT

watch to the end...

THIS COULD HAPPEN TO ANY ONE OF US.
Another needless ladder accident with serious injury.
The only good thing was that it was caught on video so others
could learn from his mistakes.
You will be able to see how it could have easily been prevented

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBIxC2fGkR4

It's not Halloween without Charlie Brown and the Great Pumpkin Patch!

2010-10-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiSIQzwIPzQ

Humor-in-Hardtimes: Why is Halloween Candy so Expensive?

2010-10-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

Humor-in-Hardtimes: Why is Halloween Candy so Expensive?: "We're not alone! Why is candy getting so expensive when so many people are out of work or under employed? I know they said when this ..."

Why is Halloween Candy so Expensive?

2010-10-29T19:40:00.000-07:00

We're not alone!

Why is candy getting so expensive when so many people are out of work or under employed? I know they said when this whole recession thing started that sugar sales went way up....So are the candy companies getting greedy and taking advantage of our hard times, or are they geering up for all the talk of this value added tax stuff?

http://danieljmitchell.wordpress.com/2010/03/30/amusing-cartoon-on-the-value-added-tax/

When we went down to Wal-mart to get Halloween Candy it wasn't fun. The packages seem smaller this year and the prices seem higher. I wondered if it was just me so I "Googled," and found some other people feel the same way.

These folks are on this web site:

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a24895847/ot_halloween_candy#

kittygonebananas · Pass a Note!

Posted 12 hours ago

Its soooo expensive! We usually have a large crowd DH said we could turn off the lights and hide. Thats so mean. Also we usually decorate alot and kids know we are home. Plus our kids luv to give out candy. I also just give out good candy just incase we have left overs. Why does it have to cost so much???????????????????

wunderbaby2010
Posted 12 hours ago

I noticed the price too. We don't give out candy anymore.

BLKB10
Posted 12 hours ago

We just spent $52 on candy from costco (4 bags worth) for both DH and I's work and to give out on Sunday at home.... Ugh!!! We live in a very "family" neighborhood with lots of kids.

Katie661
Posted 12 hours ago

Yeah it has gotten expencive. Totally sucks. And it doesn't help that DH has been eating all the candy we're giving out

cls621
Posted 12 hours ago

We aren't handing it out this year because of the cost. We don't know how many kids go out in our new neighborhood, but the lights are going off here...The local grocery store had Nestle candies on sale, and if you bought 4 bags you got $2 off your next purchase, plus there were coupons to use on the candy to get it for 50 cents / bag, but we didn't think 4 bags was enough, and that was the only really good deal....and we're struggling to pay bills anyway. So, too bad for our neighbors this year. We'll make up for it next year!

TheMellowDee
Posted 12 hours ago

two words: dollar store ;)

MrsBooz05
Posted 12 hours ago

We moved out to the middle of nowhere, so this will be the first year we really don't have to worry about it! I am going to buy a little bit just in case...

MTGracie
Posted 12 hours ago

Not a huge problem at my house. We all go out as a family and don't bother giving out any candy. Our old neighborhood only got about 4 kids each year, so there just wasn't any point.
Any Halloween candy I buy is for our household.

kittygonebananas
Posted 12 hours ago

Thats pretty scary $52 on candy!!!!

kknobl2
Posted 12 hours ago

We haven't passed out candy in several years. We live in a townhouse complex and I thought when we moved in it would be a "hot spot" for people to hit up since there are so many houses close together and you don't have to worry about being in the street. But we quickly learned most of our neighbors don't pass out candy. And now that we have ds', we just take him to the mall and then to my IL's neighborhood.
A trick my mom taught me to make the candy last longer (and from dealing with greedy kids who would snark about what kind they got) is to grab a handful of candy, put your hand IN their bag and only drop 1 piece. This way, they don't know you only dropped 1 pce and they don't know what kind you dropped. This usually works really well. Now for the kids who are just starting out and their bag is empty, I will give them 2-3 pcs.

All I know is that times are hard for many people. Can't the candy companies realize that there is a need for sugar and candy to put a smile on our faces?

Please comment.

Humor-in-Hardtimes: Laughter in Juvenile Detention Center

2010-10-29T18:02:00.000-07:00

Humor-in-Hardtimes: Laughter in Juvenile Detention Center: "This blog is dedicated to parents who have or have had a child in a Juvenile Detention Center.The SockAugust 21st, 2008 by Steve Pavlina ..."

Laughter in Juvenile Detention Center

2010-10-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to parents who have or have had a child in a Juvenile Detention Center.

The Sock

August 21st, 2008 by Steve Pavlina

After I was arrested for grand theft in my late teens, I was stuck sitting in the county jail for a few days. My cellmate was another teenager who was there for possession of marijuana. We were both rather depressed, scared, and uncertain about what fate would befall us. Jail can be a gloomy place at times. Nobody wants to be there. It’s hard to think about anything but the huge mistake that landed you there.

At some point on the second or third day, a guard came by to deliver us a change of clothes. We had to wear those orange pajama-type outfits, not our own street clothes. If I recall correctly, first we had to strip totally naked and hand in our old clothes. Then we received the new ones. They’re pretty strict about such things.
As my cellmate and I opened our fresh bundles of clothes and began getting dressed, he started laughing uproariously. I turned toward him to see what could possibly be so funny. He shot me a huge grin and held up one of the clean socks he was given. The sock was only about an inch long. It wasn’t a shrunken sock — it was just the first inch of a regular sock, only enough to cover the toes. This may be one of those “you had to be there moments,” but we looked at each other and busted up laughing. What was he supposed to do with a one-inch sock?
Even though being in jail can be a depressing experience, that small bit of silliness raised our energy tremendously. For at least the next hour, it helped us feel more lighthearted and not take the situation so seriously. Being in jail only enhanced the laughter because we had more tension to release.
This happened more than 17 years ago, and I still chuckle about it from time to time.

I was happy to find a humorous story because so many of the youth we know right now in Juvi are not laughing. They don't want to go home. They don't feel like they belong there. They hate the juvi center they are in, but they are unable to live in society yet. They are young and we pray that God will bless them to turn their lives around and become productive successful adults.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/contact-info.htm

You're Doing it Wrong If.................................

2010-10-29T17:12:00.000-07:00

Make sure you look all of the way to the end! There is one there for BYU football fans too.!

Can you relate to any of these????????

The Perfect Job Interview

2010-10-29T13:42:00.000-07:00

We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The lowlights:1. ". . . stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application. "2. "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time. "3. " A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece. "4. ". . . asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate. "5. ". . . announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve"6. "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. "7. "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions. "8. "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office. "9 . "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left. "10. ". . . pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him. "11. "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much. ""13. "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview. "14. "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: "Which company? When do I start? What's the salary? "I said, "I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further. " He promptly responded, "I am as long as you'll pay me more. "16. "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one. "17. ". . . asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security. "18. "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch and ran." The moral of this story is...................................whatever, I think it was funny. What if all of this was a spoof and this guy really was great for the job. He may have been showing the "new boss," what he could end up with. I think they actually made a television series from stuff like this....ha ha ha

So is Halloween the One day we Can actually Laugh at the things we are scared to Death of?

2010-10-29T06:07:00.000-07:00

Total Views: 1,453,034
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skdVouumMk4&feature=related

I loved 'tick-or-treating' when I was growing up. I don't know who taught me this phrase but it was well used by all of the kids I knew, "Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat." Okay so our generation was weird, I know.

This morning while driving home it occurred to me that Halloween is a day to laugh at things we are scared of, (I know I'm a slow learner). You probably already knew this fact.

Anyhow what were we afraid of when we were little? All the scary people in the books and stories we grew up with: Witches, devils, ghosts, and gobblins. Then we have to grow up and we realize that these things do not actually exist, (or do they)? We have to live in the "real" world with all of the problems we face everyday. Not on Halloween....... It's our day to be a little kid again, so dress up and just have fun.

CLICK ON THE LINK ABOVE AND ENJOY!

Why Do we Wake up in the Middle of the Night?

2010-10-28T21:15:00.000-07:00

What makes you wake up in the middle of the night? A report that's due the next day and you haven't even started it? A lesson you were supposed to have ready bright and early in the morning? A sick child? A wayward teen? Or just your body getting older and it doesn't know how to sleep anymore? What would you add to this list?

What helps you go back to sleep? Melatonin, Grapefruit, Turkey (trytophan). I don't recommend Ambien for very long, (I'm sure you've heard about all the folks walking in their "sleep." I actually hallucinated on it one night. Anyway if you can't get to sleep try a little humor:) It goes a long way.

Our latest find:

Subject: FW: barbie ,, It' s about time this happened to her....

It' s about time this
happened to her....

====================
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING
IN 2010
when...

1. You accidentally enter your password
on the microwave..

2. You haven't played solitaire with
real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone
numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works
at the desk next to you...

5. Your reason for not staying in touch
with friends and family is that they don't
have e-mail addresses

6. You pull up in your own driveway and
use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a
web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell
phone, which you didn't have the first 20
or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a
cause for panic and you turn around to
go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on
line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways
to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and
laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to
whom you are going to forward this
message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was
no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to
check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING AT
YOURSELF

Humble Pie

2010-10-28T07:44:00.000-07:00

http://www.cartoonstock.com/

Okay so who doesn't like pie? Most of us do. Whether it's cherry pie, apple pie, pumpkin pie, or my hubby's favorite, pecan, most folks love pie.

There's a pie that most Americans have been eating lately that's not too satisfying, It's called Humble Pie. And a lot of us are getting way too much!

Have you lost a job? Has a loved one passed? Have you been in a car wreck? Is a family member ill, or elderly and needs extra care? Or is there terminal illness or just plain every day illness, (diabetes, or other health concerns)? Did you have a losing season in your field of sports? A tougher year in school? Friendships? Relationships?

So join the Humble pie gang. Many of us are in this together. The good ship Humble pie. Seriously it does build character so many of us are becoming quite the character. Just know you're not alone. Take another bite and keep on going.

From your friends at Humor-in-Hard-times

The Story of Congress and The Night Watchman

2010-10-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

(click below for cartoon)

Merrie Melodie Cartoon

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night."
So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. Oneto do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So They created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an
Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one Year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cutback." So they laid off the

night watchman.

Okay so the cutest puppy on earth!

2010-10-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

Ridiculously-Cute-Puppy-Will-Make-You-Say-Awwwww-50.html

Guess where I am now

2010-10-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

Our teacher asked us what was our favorite animal and I said "fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...

Heaven's Door

2010-10-25T07:53:00.000-07:00

Heaven's Door opens two times in our lives. Once when we are born and once when we die. Maybe that is why we love babies so much. They are fresh and new from heaven. Also those who are closer to going through that door at the end of their lives.

Have you ever visited someone who was very very ill and wondered why you felt so much better after having been in their presence. Why do you think that is? The only answer I have right now is that they pretty much know what is really important in life and you feel that from them. I have had dear friends who have passed away and I have also had dear friends who's time has not yet come. The miracles in both of these cases is the love and tenderness and sometimes even laughter that occurs when you are so close to someone who believes they are just a little close to heaven's door.

One Grey Michigan Day I was sitting at home with my sixth month old baby boy. I then had six children under the age of 12, three of whom were still preschoolers. I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, when my doorbell rang.
A little annoyed and wondering who in the world was at my door, I got up and slowly went to answer.

When I answered the door there stood my friend Marti. Marti was fighting stage 4 Leukemia and I didn't even know she was out of the hospital. Her hair had grown back about and inch and a half and was standing straight up on her head. She walked in, using a cain to steady herself.

She looked down at my little Lance and started to giggle. I looked at her, then looked at him, then started to giggle too. His baby fine hair was sticking up all over his head just like Marti's. She said, "I didn't know I would meet my twin today."

Tomorrow I will tell the story of a another friend who was spared from death, then saved my life and has many many others.

Helping Each other Through These Hard Times

2010-10-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

Click on this link for a heartwarming story.

God Bless You in these Hard Times

"A few laughs for your day..."

2010-10-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

A few laughs for your day…

No one believes seniors . . . everyone thinks they are senile.

An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married aschildhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved “I love you, Sally .”

On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money -

fifty thousand dollars!

Andy said, “We’ve got to give it back.”

Sally said, “Finders keepers.” She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money, and knocked on their door. “Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

Sally said, “No”.

Andy said, “She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.

Sally said, “Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile”
The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

Andy said, “Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday ....”

The first police officer turned to his partner and said, “We’re outta here!”

Sorry about that Last Post

2010-10-24T08:25:00.000-07:00

AAADD

(dedicated to myself and you know who you are:9)

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS......PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs
washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push
the Pepsi aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold..

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but
first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to
do.

At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there's a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough
water,
there's still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car
keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I'm really tired.

More Political Poking

2010-10-23T18:10:00.001-07:00

Where to put Obama's picture
George Washington, our nation's first president and leader of the American Revolution!

Abe Lincoln, honorable leader pulled our nation through its darkest time!

Alexander Hamilton, founding father, first secretary of the treasure and leader of the constitutional convention!

Andrew Jackson, "Old Hickory " fought the British in New Orleans !

Ulysses Grant, Union army general, lead the North through the Civil War!Ben Franklin, Genius inventor, political theorist and leading author of the constitution.

Scroll Down

Finally, we have someone to put on the food stamp!!!!!!!
Obama's policies will put more people on welfare than any president before him so this placement is most appropriate. Unlike the Nobel Peace Prize, for which he did nothing, this is an "honor" he richly deserves.

More Political Fun

2010-10-23T17:05:00.001-07:00

HEAVEN AND HELL

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted."

Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

Political Humor

2010-10-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

With Voting just around the corner we thought you might like a few of the quirkey anecdotes we found.

I do not like this Uncle Sam,
I do not like his health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks,
or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan,
I do not like this 'YES WE CAN'.
I do not like this spending spree,
I'm smart, I know that nothing's free,
I do not like your smug replies,
when I complain about your lies.
I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it. Nope, nope, nope!
And I plan to vote, vote, vote!

Not Raising Hogs

2010-10-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wellsburg, Iowa, received a check for $1,000. 00 from the government for not raising hogs. So I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year. What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I would just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs. As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $442. 00 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1,000. 00 for not raising hogs. If I get $1,000. 00 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000. 00 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000. 00 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane. Now another thing. These hogs I will not be raising will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I am not going to raise? I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a good time of the year not to raise hogs and grain. Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information on that too. In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps. Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election. Patriotically yours,Jean Partridge