Humor-Poem

Joke Of the Day: 358

2006-02-01T11:15:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:358

One
day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college
class. He stood up in front

of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is
stupid please stand up?"

After
a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the
professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing
there all by yourself.

Joke Of the Day: 357

2006-01-02T16:34:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:357

Walter,
who is quite elderly is resting peacefully on the front porch or a
nursing home in the

country, when he sees a cloud of dust up the road.He
watches a farmer approaching, with a wagon."Good

afternoon!" hollers out Walter."Afternoon." says the farmer."Where
you headed?" asks

Walter."Town." says the farmer."What do you have in the wagon?"
Walter continued."Manure.""Manure, eh? What

do you do with it?""I spread it over my strawberries," the farmer
says matter-of-factly."Well,"

says Walter, "you should come over here for lunch someday. We use
whipped cream."

Joke Of the Day: 356

2005-12-13T11:30:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:356

It's
not nice to lieA woman was in a gambling casino for the first time.
At the roulette she

says, "I have no idea what number to play."A young, good-looking man
nearby suggests she play her

age.Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 32.The wheel is
spun, and the number 41 comes

up.The smile drifted from the woman's face and she fainted.

Joke Of the Day: 355

2005-12-12T11:25:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:355

As
I was trying to pack for vacation, my 3-year-old daughter was having
a wonderful time playing

on the bed. At one point, she said, "Mom, look at this," and stuck
out two of her fingers.Trying

to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her fingers in my
mouth and said, "Mommy gonna eat

your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the
room again.When I returned, my

daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a
devastated look on her face.I said,

"What's wrong honey?""Mommy, where's my booger?"

Joke Of the Day: 354

2005-12-11T11:24:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:354

A
pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found
herself alone in a small

waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for
the upcoming examination. Just as

she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a
light rap sounded on the door and

a young doctor strode in.Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked
his nude patient up and down

carefully and with considerable appreciation."Miss Jones," he said
finally, "it seems quite

obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye
examination."

Joke Of the Day: 353

2005-12-10T11:23:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:353

A
guy responds to a job position at the city zoo. The ad mentioned the
salary but not what he

would be doing. Come to find out that the zoo's gorilla had
unexpectedly passed away.The zoo had just

spent millions on promotions which focused on the gorilla and now
they needed a gorilla. The guy

really needed the job and the money was good so he accepted.Everyday
he would put on the gorilla

suit, hang out in his cage and be the gorilla. After a while he
started enjoying himself. He would

scare little kids, roar at the crowds, and eat bananas and stuff.
You know, gorilla things.As time

wore on he became the main attraction at the zoo. He would swing on
his trees and vines, and the

people loved him.One particularly busy Saturday he was swinging
around and accidentally swings over

his fence and lands in the lions cage. The lion slowly opens his
eyes and sees the gorilla.The

lion begins to stalk. The lion, now drooling and wide awake, slowly
approaches the gorilla who is

backed up against the fence. The lion is ready to jump, then the
gorilla started yelling, "Help!

Help! I'm not a gorilla. I'm a man! help, help !!"Then the lion
said, "Shut-up stupid, or we'll both

get fired!"

Joke Of the Day: 352

2005-12-09T11:17:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:352

As
a older man was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang.Answering, he heard his wife's

voice urgently warning him, "Harold, I just heard on the news that
there's a car going the wrong way

on route 290. Please be careful!""Hell," said Harold, "It's not just
one car. It's hundreds of

them !!!"

Joke Of the Day: 351

2005-12-08T11:16:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:351

Two
rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a
couple of bottles of Bud.The

passenger,
Bubba,said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a po-lice roadblock!
We're gonna get

busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!""Don't worry, Bubba," Earl
said. "We'll just pull over and

finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our
foreheads, and throw the bottles

under the seat.""What fer?" asked Bubba."Just let me do the talkin',
OK?" said Earl.Well, they

finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and
each put a label on their

forehead.When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You
boys been drinkin'?""No sir," Earl said.

"We're on the patch."

Joke Of the Day: 350

2005-12-07T11:15:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:350

In
the back woods of Kentucky, the redneck's wife went into labor in
the middle of the night, and

the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.Since there was
no electricity, the doctor

handed the father-to be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this
high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the
doctor."Don't be in a rush to

put the lantern down...I think there's yet another one to come."Sure
enough, within minutes he had

delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be
putting down that lantern. . . It

seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.The
Redneck scratched his head in

bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light
that's attractin' 'em?"

Joke Of the Day: 349

2005-12-06T11:14:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:349

The
Queen was showing the Archbishop around the Royal Stables when a
stallion passed gas very

loudly."Oh dear," said the Queen, "I'm sorry about that.""That's
okay" said the Archbishop, "I thought

it was the horse."

Joke Of the Day: 348

2005-12-05T11:14:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:348

Recently
a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at
the Pearly Gates. St.

Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would
each have to answer one

question.St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the
name of the ship that crashed into the

iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered
quickly, "That would be the

Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.St. Peter turned to the
garbage man and, figuring Heaven

didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him,
decided to make the question

a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for
him, the trash man had

just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500.""That's right! You
may enter." St. Peter then turned

to the lawyer. "Name them."

Joke Of the Day: 347

2005-12-04T11:13:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:347

A
man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his
4-year-old son standing

wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought,
"Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have

to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun -
I'll just let him ask, and I'll

answer."After everything was over, the man walked over to his son
and said, "Well son, do you have

any questions?""Just one." gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast
was that calf going when he

hit that cow?"

Joke Of the Day: 346

2005-12-03T11:11:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:346

A
plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude,

the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and
gentlemen, this is your captain

speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los
Angeles. The weather ahead is

good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.
Now sit back and relax - OH MY

GOD!"Silence.Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so

sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the
flight-attendant brought me a cup of

coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the
front of my pants!"A passenger in

Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"

Joke Of the Day: 345

2005-12-02T10:34:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:345

The marriage between the elderly farmer and his young wife was not
working out too well, so the

farmer consulted his doctor for advice.“The next time you’re down in the
field plowing and feel a

yearning for your wife.” said the doctor, “don’t wait until lunch time
or the end of the day, but

quit what you’re doing and go to the house.” “I tried that,” said the
farmer, “but by the time I get

to the house, I am so tuckered out, it’s no use.”The doctor thought for
a minute, “Take your

shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning and if you feel
the urge, shoot the gun and

she will come down there where you are.”A few weeks later the two men
met on the street.“How did it

work out?” asked the doctor.“Fine, the first three days,” said the
farmer, “then the hunting

season opened and I haven’t seen her since.”

Joke Of the Day: 344

2005-12-01T10:31:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:344

Six year old Mary and her four year old brother Joey were sitting
together in church. Joey

giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had
enough."You're not supposed to talk

out loud in church," she hissed at Joey."Why? Who's going to stop
me?" Joey shot back.Mary pointed

to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by
the door?" Joey

nodded."They're hushers.

Joke Of the Day: 343

2005-11-29T10:30:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:343

A
wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive
lounge. He took her up to his lavish

apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was
well groomed and apparently very

intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his
collection of expensive paintings,

first editions of famous authors and offered he a glass of
wine.He asked her if she preferred Port or

Sherry and she said,"Oh Sherry by all means. To me it is the
nectar of the gods, Just looking at

it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of
anticipation. When the stopper

is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I
inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm

lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to
drink a magic potion and my whole

being begins to glow. The sounds of a thousand violins being
softly played fills my ears and I am

transported into another world.""On the other hand, Port gives
me gas."

Joke Of the Day: 342

2005-11-28T10:29:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:342

Six
year old Mary and her four year old brother Joey were sitting
together in church. Joey

giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had
had enough."You're not supposed to talk

out loud in church," she hissed at Joey."Why? Who's going to
stop me?" Joey shot back.Mary pointed

to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing
by the door?" Joey

nodded."They're hushers."

Joke Of the Day: 341

2005-11-27T10:28:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:341

Two
blondes were walking down the street. Just by luck, one of the
blondes spot's a compact so

she goes and picks it up.Looking strangely into it, she says
"Hey this person looks familiar!""Let

me see!" the other blonde says as she grabs the compact. "Of
course it looks familiar, it's me!"

Joke Of the Day: 340

2005-11-26T10:27:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:340

Three
friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in
heaven. They are all asked,

"When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning
you, what would you like to hear

them say about you?The first guy says, "I would like to hear
them say that I was a great doctor of

my time, and a great family man."The second guy says, "I would
like to hear that I was a wonderful

husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our
children of tomorrow."The last guy

replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!

Joke Of the Day: 339

2005-11-25T10:26:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:339

Hearing
about a dinosaur alive in the rain forests of South America, a
professor launches a

scientific expedition.After several weeks he stumbles upon a
little man wearing a loincloth, standing

near a 300-foot-long dead dinosaur.The scientist can't believe
his eyes. "Did you kill this

dinosaur?" he asks."Yep," replies the rain-forest native."But
it's so big and you're so small! How did you

kill it?""With my club," the primitive fellow answered."How big
is your club?""Well, there are

about 100 of us."

Joke Of the Day: 338

2005-11-24T10:26:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:338

Hearing
about a dinosaur alive in the rain forests of South America, a
professor launches a

scientific expedition.After several weeks he stumbles upon a
little man wearing a loincloth, standing

near a 300-foot-long dead dinosaur.The scientist can't believe
his eyes. "Did you kill this

dinosaur?" he asks."Yep," replies the rain-forest native."But
it's so big and you're so small! How did you

kill it?""With my club," the primitive fellow answered."How big
is your club?""Well, there are

about 100 of us."

Joke Of the Day: 337

2005-11-23T10:25:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:337

A
motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a
passing farmer one hundred dollars to

pull him out with his tractor.After he was back on dry ground he
said to the farmer, "At those

prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the
mud night and day.""Can't", replied the

farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."

Joke Of the Day: 336

2005-11-22T10:24:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:336

How
does Alice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John."Oh,
she's not pregnant," John

replied, "she's expecting.""What's the difference?" Bob
pressed."Well, John explained, "She's

expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the
housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet .

. ."

Joke Of the Day: 335

2005-11-21T10:22:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:335

A man walks into a bar and says, "Excuse me, I'd like a pint of
beer."The bartender serves the

drink and says, "That'll be four dollars." The customer pulls out a
twenty-dollar bill and hands it

to the bartender."Sorry, sir," the bartender says, "but I can't
accept that."The man pulls out a

ten-dollar bill and the bartender rejects his money again. "What's
going on here?" the man asks.

Pointing to a neon sign, the bartender explains, "This is a Singles
Bar.

Joke Of the Day: 334

2005-11-20T08:12:00.000-10:00

Joke Of the Day:334

A
young priest was sent to a very small church in the
backwoods of Alaska. After a couple of years

the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how
he was doing.The priest said that it was a

really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could
have made it without his Rosary and two

martinis each day.With that the priest asked the Bishop,
"Would you like to have a martini with

me?"The Bishop said, "Yes, that would be nice."The
priest turned around and hollered toward the

kitchen, "Rosary, would you fix us two martinis please?"