Humor Jokes

Funny jokes-All you can pick

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 08:53:00 +0000

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California's apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, "How much are yer apples?"

"All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher.

"Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "I'll take two dollars' worth."

Labels:Good jokes,Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Hilarious jokes-Three hundred years old

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 20:33:00 +0000

There is a guy who arrives to a town in western Spain, he seems like a charlatan and begins to advertise a potion, which supposedly keeps him young despite the fact that he is three hundred years old.

A farmer, having doubts, approaches one of his assistants.

"Hey, is it really true that this guy has lived three hundred years?"

"I don't know, I have only worked with him for two hundred."

Labels:Good jokes,Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Clean jokes-What brought you here?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 09 Oct 2011 08:13:00 +0000

A Spanish patient goes to an English doctor.

Doctor: "What is it that's brought you here?"

Patient: "An ambulance. Why?"

Labels:Clean jokes,doctor jokes,Hilarious jokes

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Really funny jokes-More American humor

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 19:53:00 +0000

Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest

Nevada: Whores and Poker -- WOO-EEE!!!

New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone

New Jersey: You Want A ##$%## Motto? I Got Yer ##$%## Motto Right Here!

New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets

New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right to An Attorney...

North Carolina: Tobacco IS A Vegetable

North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!

Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan

Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing

Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner

Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal

Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender

South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota

Tennessee: The Educashun State

Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (Yes, I Speak English)

Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus

Vermont: Yep, syrup!

Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?

Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!

Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?

West Virginia: One Big Happy Family...Really!

Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese

Wyoming: Where Men Are Men...and the sheep are scared!

Labels:Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Birthday jokes-Maple tree

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 07:33:00 +0000

Did you hear about the maple tree’s birthday?

It was a sappy one!

Labels:Clean jokes,Short funny jokes,short humor jokes

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Knock-Knock Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Oct 2011 02:42:00 +0000

A quick one that my child tried on me this morning:

Knock Knock
Who's There?
Hey Hey
Hey Hey Who?
Hey Hey, what do you want to do today?Reactions: Labels:clean-jokes,knock-knock-jokes

Funny jokes-Running away with Neighbor

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 19:13:00 +0000

Daughter : I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.

Dad: Thanks , you have saved my money & time.

Daughter: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom.

Labels:Good jokes,Really Funny Jokes,SMS jokes

1 Comment: malik89 said...

nice joke

September 16, 2011 7:38 AM Posta Comment

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Rabbit Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 14:22:00 +0000

Amazing but true.

Q - What two animals eat their own poop?

A - Come-on nobody does that.

Q - Wrong. Rabbits and guinea pigs.

Here is the serious science behind it:

One line jokes-Slow down

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 06:53:00 +0000

Middle age is when you are warned to slow down by a doctor instead of a policeman.

Labels:One line jokes,Short funny jokes,SMS jokes

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Valentine's Jokes and Humor

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 07 Oct 2011 02:02:00 +0000

Before we know it Valentine's Day will be here again on February 14. In honor of Valentine's day here are some Valentine jokes and other jokes about relationships, not just for Valentine's Day.

xoxoxoxoxo

Really funny jokes-In case of emergency

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 18:33:00 +0000

A Spanish guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.

A nurse begins to take down his information: name, insurance company, etc.

"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"

"You mean if I become very sick?"

"Well . . . yes."

"If that happens, call a doctor!"

Labels:Clean jokes,doctor jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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More Rosie O'Donnell Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 13:42:00 +0000

Sheesh just when we thought we got rid of her, she's baaaaaaaaaack. We're all so surprised ... not. Well now after getting her sour PR stunts shoved back by Trump, now Rosie went looking for a softer target - Paula Abdul and American Idol. Now we're not great AI fans, but hey, Rosie gave us fodder for more bad Rosie jokes. More Rosie jokes in our earlier post.

Hey Paula Abdul, what do you think of Rosie's comments?
What did you say?

What did you think of Rosie's blast on you?
I was trying to be polite, she's irrelevant.

But Rosie doesn't like your American Idol show.
Nobody cares, her's is going down fast.

What did Donald Trump think?
She's looking for a softer target.

Is any one surprised Rosie is muck raking again?
Not really. She is promoting ABC to knock down their competition The Apprentice and American Idol.

Updated Now Rosie has a new target: Oprah. Yippeee.

So, Rosie reportedly has made degrading jokes on Paula Abdul, Donald Trump, Oprah, Chinese, American Idol. Who else does Rosie hate? .... YOU. Lol. Yippeeee.

Who does Rosie like? Dunno, maybe Barbara Walters, as long as she reads from the cue cards.Reactions: Labels:American-Idol-Jokes,Paula-Abdul-Jokes,political-jokes,Rosie-Jokes,Rosie-ODonnell-Jokes,Rosie-Paula-Abdul-Jokes,Trump-Rosie-Jokes

Hilarious jokes-Two bankers

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 06:13:00 +0000

Two bankers are in a bank when armed robbers burst in.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the bankers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their jewelry, wallets and watches.

While this is going on banker number one puts something in banker number two's hand. Without looking down, banker number two whispers, 'What is this?' to which banker number one replies, 'It's that $50 I owe you.'

Labels:Clean jokes,Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Retirement Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 01:22:00 +0000

Here the Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference

Funny jokes-Blue elephants

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 17:53:00 +0000

Alonzo visits Doctor Pedro.

Alonzo: "Doctor, doctor, I see blue elephants everywhere."

Pedro: "Have you seen a psychologist yet?"

Alonzo: "No, just blue elephants."

Labels:animal jokes,doctor jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Funny Cat Videos

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 13:02:00 +0000

Funny Pet Videos: Cats

This is part of our series on funny videos. Here are some . We have searched for videos of bizarre cats in some funny situations and here are two of the best and cutest we found.

Funny Cats video:

Funny cat food ad video featuring a bungee jumping mouse:

Economy jokes-Harvest crunch

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 05:33:00 +0000

The Allied Irish Bank has issued a credit warning about Kellogg's, they are worried about the Harvest Crunch.

Labels:One line jokes,Short funny jokes,short humor jokes

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Funny Dog Videos

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 00:42:00 +0000

Funny Pet Videos: Dogs

What funny pet videos series would be complete without a few . Here are a few we found. We have searched for videos of cute or hilarious dogs in some funny situations and here are three of the best and we found. If you have a funny or cute dog video, you can leave it in the comments and we'll consider it for the next post.

Funny and cute dog compilation video:

Funny animated Dog and funny Hippo sing Lion Sleeps Tonight:

Funny Dog video of retriever eating a milk bone off nose:

Good jokes-In the ditch

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 17:13:00 +0000

98% of Americans say "OH S$!&" before going in the ditch on a slippery road.

The other 2% are from Buffalo or Rochester, NY and they say, "Hold my beer and WATCH THIS!"

Labels:Good jokes,Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Bank Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 12:22:00 +0000

Why are banks like trees?
They have lots of branches.

$$$$$$$$$$

Dumb Bank, Smart Blond joke:

A blond walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan Officer.

She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to $350,000 Bentley. After verifying ownership of the car, the bank gives her the $5,000 loan.

The bankers enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $350,000 Bentley as collateral against a $5,000 loan, and one of the banker s then proceeds to drive the Bentley into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $19.50. The banker says,

We are very happy to have your business, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a billionaire. So why did you bother to lose your Bentley for three weeks and to borrow $5,000?

The blonde replies, Where else in New York City can I park my car for three weeks for only $19.50 and expect it to be there when I return?

$$$$$$$$$$

A frog walks into a bank for a loan, joke video:

$$$$$$$$$$

Mortgage banker joke video - Banker gets Punk'd

$$$$$$$$$$

Dutch version of the car parking bank loan joke:

More banking jokes and News and information behind the jokes at Humor-and-Jokes.com.

Office Jokes index at Humor-and-Jokes.com.

Really funny jokes-You Know You're from New Mexico When

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 04:53:00 +0000

You Know You're from New Mexico When

Your favorite breakfast meat is sliced fried bologna.

You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.

Your favorite restaurant has a chili list instead of a wine list.

You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.

Your Christmas decorations include a yard of sand and 200 paper bags.

You have license plates on your walls, but not on your car.

You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

You have an extra freezer just for green chili.

You think a yellow light means to go faster and a red light is merely a suggestion.

You don't make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.

You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.

You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.

There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.

All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.

You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3 AM because you were hungry.

Tumbleweeds and various cactus in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.

If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.

Labels:Good jokes,Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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Bunny Rabbit Videos

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 00:02:00 +0000

Funny Pet Videos: Bunny RabbitsFunny Bunny Videos / Funny Pet Rabbit Videos

Continuing with our series of funny pet videos, here are a few funny we found. Undoubtedly bunnies are full of cute, but mixing in some dry humor and you have ... well ... more cute. We have searched for videos of cute or hilarious rabbits in some funny situations and here are some of the best and funny we found. If you have a funny or cute bunny rabbit video, you can leave it in the comments and we'll consider it for the next funny pet videos post.

Q - What do you call 10 rabbits marching backwards?
A - A receding hareline.

Q - What did the rabbit say to the carrot?
A - It's been nice gnawing you.

Q - What party games do rabbits like?
A - Musical Hares.

A bunny letter opener. This rabbit is ready for an office job opening:

Here is a cute funny bunny cleaning house:

Cute reigns supreme as these three funny rabbits go after Honey Bunches of Oats hungry hippo style:

Oh, and of course here is a funny bunny, playmate not Pet, not rabbit, Julie McCullough and drooler ;) on a Star Media video interview. A comedy video made especially for a YouTube, and embedded here. It's all about following your dreams like the funny bunny not rabbit:

Short funny jokes-Baby girls and boys

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 16:33:00 +0000

Why do we dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue?

Because they can't dress themselves.

Labels:Good jokes,Short funny jokes,short humor jokes

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Funny Bunny

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 11:42:00 +0000

Funny Pets: Funny Bunnies Picture / Funny Rabbit Pet Pictures

I have no idea what you are talking about, ... so here's a bunny with a pancake on its head.

Hilarious jokes-Parrot in plane

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 04:13:00 +0000

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!"

The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you idiot".

Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

Labels:animal jokes,Hilarious jokes,Really Funny Jokes

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