THE SET-UP (What was said and what happened during the meeting before the monologue was delivered.)

1.  A speaker told a story of locking her keys in the car.  She had recently made a new friend, Beverly, at a Toastmasters meeting.  She rode her bicycle to Beverly’s house to get help with her lock-out situation.

2.  The word of the day was PHLEGMATIC, meaning sluggish, calm, un-flappable, or causing phlegm.

3.  The emcee was dressed in the same colored suit as Frank.  He introduced Frank as “my brother…from another mother.”

4.  A speaker said that she finally opened her Toastmasters Manual after looking at it for months.

5.  Dana used the Question-Man vehicle to present some of his Observational Humor.  He provided the answer first and then announced the question.

6.  A speaker said that his air conditioner broke and he fixed it for thirty-one cents.

7.  The person critiquing proper grammar for the meeting, referred to her job as looking for “grammical errors.”

8.  A speaker described her back yard which was used for the pool, sun bathing, trampolining and swinging on a swing set.  She mentioned that the man next door could watch her sun bathe.

9.  A speaker gave an impromptu speech about being a Thunder From Down Under dancer.  That’s a male exotic dance troupe from Australia similar to the Chippendales.

THE MONOLOGUE

I want everyone to say “Hi Beverly!”
Beverly is our friend.
(looking at Beverly)  Where do you live?
(This uses the Drop-Yourself-Into-The-Story technique.  In this case I’m dropping the entire audience into the story.  My intent was for the audience to say “Hi Beverly.”  They surprised me by also repeating “Beverly is our friend.”  I thought “Oh, Oh.”  I didn’t want them to repeat the punchline of “Where do you live?”  After the punchline I wanted laughter…not another repeat-after-me line.  So I paused.  I made solid eye contact with Beverly.  And I clearly asked the question: “Where do you live?”  It is an implied punchline, suggesting that we would show up at her home when we needed help.  It worked perfectly and received a huge laugh.)

If you look up PHLEGMATIC in the dictionary, you’ll find my picture.  Whenever I tell a joke…people go…ahem (lightly clearing my throat).
(A bit of self-deprecation in two ways.  It possibly implies I’m slow moving.  It also implies that audiences might question the appropriateness of my humor.  A very big laugh.)

My personalized license plate says:  PHLEGM
(Another link to the Word Of The Day.)

Frank is my brother…from another dimension.  That’s why we don’t dress alike.
(Frank is a good friend.   Except for both being funny, we are very different people.  A call-back provided the opportunity to refer to our attire.  He was nicely dressed in a suit and tie.  I was very casual, wearing a denim shirt and tennis shoes.)

Two days ago I opened my Toastmasters Manual for the first time.  I figured after 37 years…it was about time.
(Linking my long-time in Toastmasters to “finally” opening my manual.)

Since Dana presented some Question-Man Answers, I thought it would be appropriate that I closed with some of them.
(I was planning on doing the Question-Man format bits before I heard Dana do his.  But saying this gave the appearance that I decided to do them on the spur of the moment…the illusion of spontaneity.)

The Answer is:  A temporary fix.
The Question is:  What do you call a thirty-one-cent air conditioner repair?
(A perfect joke based on “you get what you pay for.”  A very big laugh.)

The Answer is:  A mistake made by a grandmother.
The Question is:  What is a grammical error.
(When she mis-pronounced the word, I heard an audible reaction from the audience.  Since I knew that the audience had noticed the error, it made it a target for humor.)

The Answer is:  Something you do in a house with a pool.
The Question is:  What is swinging.
(Plays with the double meaning of the word SWINGING.)

The Answer is Gas-Ex.
The Question is:  What will prevent Thunder from Down Under?
(A funny call back which got a huge laugh.  Use a joke like this with caution.  It’s a bodily-function joke which I’d never use for a corporate audience.  With an audience of friends, and delivering it as an implied joke, I felt it was safe.  But if you’re ever in doubt about a joke, leave it out.)

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next Joke Contest is October 1, 2010.

Here is the cartoon:

Write as many captions as you can.  Then select your best three captions and submit them.  You can submit more than three lines, the extra lines will be eligible for honorable mention.  Only your first three lines will be judged by our panel of judges for first, second and third place.

Select and submit your best entries by September 15, 2010, to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in-depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.

What one person finds funny is not the same as the next person.  My favorite line was not picked as a top-three line by the judges.  That doesn’t mean anyone is right or wrong.  That’s just the way it is.  Humor is subjective.

There is more than one angle to a joke.  Just as there are a variety of ways to approach creating a joke…there are just as many ways to receive and “get” a joke.  Not everyone does it the same way.

Let’s look at some of the connections and triggers that helped people write lines for The Perfect Pet.

Key Words:  Words associated with a group or profession.
Stand-up comedian:  Hamster (key word HAM)
Comic:  Mockingbird (key word MOCK)
Bowler:  Alley Cat (key word Bowling ALLEY)
Weight lifter:  Mussels (key word MUSCLES)

Fork (sub-category)
A musician:  A doe, a deer, a female deer (sub-category of DEER–Doe)
Bill Gates:  70 billion male Deer (sub-category of DEER–Buck)

Non-Animals (insects and fish)
Tall fathers:  Daddy long legs (Spider)
Wig fitter:  Heron (Fish)

Non-Animals (but sounds like animal)
Chiropractor:  Charlie Horse
Candy maker:  Chocolate Moose

Similar Sounds
Shakespearian actor:  Two bees (TO BE)
Impatient Uncle:  Antelope (AUNT ELOPE)
Wig fitter:  Heron (HAIR ON)
Master of no trades:  Jackal (JACK OF ALL)

Adding a topper
Shakespearian actor:  Two bees, or not
Noah:  Aardvark, in pairs

Cliche
Shakespearian actor:  Two bees (To be or not to be)
Circus ringmaster:  Dog and Pony (Dog and pony show)
Someone standing on the other side of the road:  A chicken (uses chicken joke cliche)

Implied punchline
Sitcom Producer:  Hyena in a trash can (Canned Laughter–a little work is required on the part of the listener)
Pear farmer:  Partridge (the connector word TREE is not mentioned)
Lingerie designer:  Zebra (Z is an implied cup size)

Song Lyrics
A musician:  A doe, a deer, a female deer (Do Re Mi)
Pear farmer:  Partridge (12 Days of Christmas)

Word with double meaning
Dermatologist:  Mole
CIA Agent:  Mole

Action verb
Boxer:  Slug

Physical object
A baseball player:  A bat
Construction worker:  Crane

Reversal/Palindrome
Dyslexic God:  Dog

New Joke Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced on the first of the month (alternating months).  The next caption contest is September 1, 2010.

Watch for an analysis of this contest’s entries to be posted on August 24, 2010.

Here are this month’s top lines:

** FIRST PLACE **

Stand-up comedian:  Hamster
     Dr. Jayita Deodhar, Mumbai, India

** SECOND PLACE **

Bowler:  Alley Cat
     Sandy Kampner, Evergreen Park, Illinois, USA

** THIRD PLACE (Tie) **

Shakespearian actor:  Two bees
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois, USA

Chiropractor:  Charlie Horse
     Sol Morrison, Santa Barbara, California, USA

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

Impatient Uncle:  Antelope
Circus ringmaster:  Dog and Pony
Bill Gates:  70 billion male Deer
Sitcom Producer:  Hyena in a trash can
Lingerie designer:  Zebra
Someone standing on the other side of the road:  A chicken
Comic:  Mockingbird
Dog park attendant:  Scoopy doo doo
Weight lifter:  Mussels 
Pear farmer:  Partridge
Dyslexic God:  Dog
Computer programmer:  Bugs and a mouse
Overly aggressive lawyer:  Badger
Abigail Van Buren:  Deer
Pharmacist:  Pill bug
Optometrist:  Gazelle
Dermatologist:  Mole
Writer:  Penguin
Construction worker:  Roadrunner
Auctioneer:  Parrot
Candy maker:  Chocolate lab
Middle aged model:  Cougar
Landscaper:  Hedge hog
Afghanistan Freedom Fighter:  Afghan hound
Carpenter:  Dormouse
Carpenter:  Woodpecker
Plagiarist:  Cheetah
CIA Agent:  Mole
Retired Auctioneer:  Horse
Rubbish pole jumper:  Tadpole
Personal Assistant:  Gopher
Phlebotomist:  Bloodhound
Candy maker:  Chocolate moose
Person who contradicts himself:  A pair of ducks
Prisoner:  Flea
Quack:  A duck
Umpire:  Any kind of fowl
Angry nursing home resident: Old yeller
Wright Brothers:  Mayfly
Priest:  Praying mantis
Noah:  Aardvark
Right-wing news reader:  Fox 
Boxer:  Slug 
Construction worker:  Crane
Soap maker:  Crocodile
Wig fitter:  Heron
Master of no trades:   Jackal
Comedians named Monty:  Python
Bozo:  Clownfish 
Tall fathers:  Daddy long legs
Electrician’s dog:  Wire haired terrier
A gambler’s favorite pet:  Fat Kitty
Opie’s favorite pets:  Ant, Bee
Mechanic:  Horse (If he can’t fix your car, he can lend you his horse.)Blackjack dealer:  Pit bull
Al-Qaeda foot soldier:  Terrierist

Most people would rather share the movie with a good-sized audience.  Why?  Because laughter is contagious.  And if the movie is really funny, the enjoyment and laughter will be magnified by the crowd’s response to the film. 

When a room full of people are laughing, most people join in.  Laughter is contagious.

The key factor in the contagious nature of laughter is HEARING other people laugh.  But SEEING other people laugh is also important.

Because laughter is contagious, many television comedy shows have employed laughter-enhancement strategies.  Some have performed their shows live.  The best thing to energize the response to comedy is a live audience.  Another strategy has been to sweeten the laughter with a laugh track…canned laughter edited into the sound track. 

Although when producing a comedy TV show, a laugh track is not always chosen.  Adding canned laughter is a difficult art.  When done less than perfectly, the artificial nature of canned laughter can be irritating and work against the contagious element of laughter. 

Some of the current shows are played with no laugh track.  They rely on the strength of the writing and respect that the home audience will find it funny and do their own laughing.  Hopefully you’re watching it at home with friends.

Of course, the laughter response to a speech is not influenced by just a single factor.  There is the quality of the writing.  There is the reputation of the speaker.  There is the relationship between a speaker and the audience.  There is quality of the room, the sound, the lighting, the arrangement of the seating.  The size of the audience is a big factor.

Let’s look at some of these elements that may be factors in contagious laughter.

The contagious nature of laughter is a factor every time you use humor from the platform.  That’s why, when presenting humor, you’ll find that a large audience almost always beats a small audience if you care about the laughter.  An audience of 50 is better than an audience of 10.  In my opinion the best sized audience is between 50 and 400 with the ideal size being 200.  In my opinion, when you have more than 400 people you start to lose the conversational connection with your audience, and although you may get more contagious laughter, what is lost in connection isn’t worth the extra laughter you gain.

A club-level speech contest is often one of the most difficult contests.   The higher level contests have bigger audiences and hence more  contagious laughter.

When speaking at a conference, you might notice that the audience response is better with round tables than with straight theater seating.   Round tables make it easier for audience members to see each other.   Contagious laughter is enhanced.  If you have theater-style seating, try to arrange a chevron pattern where the left and right rows of chairs are slightly slanted toward the center of the speaking platform. It helps the audience member see others who are laughing.

An indoor speaking room almost always trumps an outdoor venue.   Likewise a room with a low ceiling traps the laughter better than a high ceiling, and thus magnifies the laughter.

Tall table center pieces can be a culprit in sabotaging laughter.  Primarily they keep people from seeing the speaker.  And secondly, they keep people in the audience from seeing each other.  If you don’t see others laughing, you’re not as likely to laugh yourself.

In my opinion, a common comedy myth is that humor plays best in a dark room.  I definitely feel that you’ll get more laughs if the room is lit.  People need to see each other to maximize the laughter.  We’re not talking about blinding light, but rather some light on the audience is better than no light.  We are conditioned to hearing comedy in a dark room.  In a comedy club, lights out and a spotlight on the stage says “Showtime!”  And in a theater, it’s always lights out.  But when it comes to giving a speech, you’ll almost always get a better audience response with some light in the room.  That’s always my first choice.

The contagious nature of laughter requires that you master the pause.   An audience response will never be instantaneous.  You’ll need to be patient for the contagious element of your audience response to kick in.  In fact, with a really large audience, you may notice the wave-effect as laughter rolls over the audience. 

Make sure that your audience’s laughter can be heard and seen.  Understanding and anticipating the contagious nature of laughter will help you maximize your laughs.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  The meeting was advertised as a Humor Workshop.

2.  During the business meeting, there was an extended discussion about the purchase of a portable lectern for the club.

3.  Club meetings often begin with the Pledge of Allegiance.

4.  Diane Hunter was dressed with Red-White-and-Blue accents.

5.  A speaker said that the greatest fear was speaking in public.

6.  Someone mentioned the cliche of people “laughing their pants off.”

7.  A quote from Darren LaCroix:  If we improved our speaking skills one percent every day, after seventy days we’d be twice as good a speaker as we are today.

8.  I was presenting a humor workshop for the Lunatics Toastmasters club.

9.  S Frank Stringham is one of the club members.  He is a bigger-than-life, comedic entertainer.

10.  S Frank Stringham, presented some humor thoughts while sharing some printed comic strips with the audience.

THE MONOLOGUE

Welcome to the Portable Lectern Workshop.
(Implied that the main purpose of the meeting was to talk about Portable Lecterns, not to present a humor workshop.)

If we’re ever missing an American flag…we can pledge allegiance to Dianne Hunter.
(I asked Dianne to stand before I delivered the line.  Her standing was part of the setup to the joke, making sure people knew how she was dressed.)

Speaking in public is said to be one of life’s greatest fears.  That’s not true.  The greatest fear is actually trying to be funny and having people just stare at you.  Or trying to be serious and having people laugh at you.
(A simple observational twist.)

My greatest fear is when I present my humor, that people will laugh their pants off.  Please don’t!
(This is a topper, riding on the coat tails of the previous joke.)

If you become one percent funnier each day for 70 days, you’ll become twice as funny.  Of course if you aren’t funny at all…you still won’t be funny.
(Stating a not-so-obvious truth.)

Many people, when they come to a Toastmasters meeting for the first time, expect to see us presenting toasts.  When people come to Lunatics for the first time, they expect to get mooned.  When I found out that S Frank was a member, I was expecting a full moon.  That would be like watching a comic strip!
(I set up the joke series by stating a common misconception about Toastmasters clubs, that we do toasts.  I then used the root from Lunatics, Lunar, Moon to set up the first joke.  The first topper linked S Frank to the Lunatics club name.  The second topper played with the double meaning of “comic strip.”)

Here are three examples:

A baseball player:  A bat.
A dull talk-show host:  A yak and a boar.
A musician:  A doe, a deer, a female deer.

Tune your humor radar and get to work!  Submit your best three entries for review by the judges.  Additional entries may be submitted for Honorable Mention consideration.  Send your entries to HumorPowerTips@HumorPower.com by August 15, 2010.

THE SET-UP (What happened and what was said during the meeting before the monologue was presented.)

1.  As the club President transitioned into the educational part of the meeting, she said:  “And now without further ado…”

2.  A speaker said that she hated to be called on for impromptu speeches, called Table Topics.  Her strategy was to volunteer each meeting for the role of Speech Evaluator.  Normally, if you have a significant role in the meeting, you are not called on for Table Topics.

3.  A speaker said that it would be easy to play the role of Scotty on Star Trek.  He then delivered the line:  “Captain, I can’t give it any more.  I’m giving it all I can.”  He struggled to deliver it in a Scotty-style accent.  He then made the observational remark, “Well maybe that’s harder than it looks!”  He was using self deprecation, poking fun at his poor impersonation.  Huge laugh.

4.  The emcee of the meeting was Pam Shinkle.  She announced the meeting theme of Star Trek and was wearing a Star Trek uniform.  Her partner’s name is Bryant Pergerson.

5.  Erin Pavlina, outgoing club President, presented a Roast of club members in the format of Carnacks (giving the answer first and then providing the question).

6.  Erin is a well-known intuitive psychic advisor.

7.  A speaker told of making a bad batch of cookies because she used baking soda instead of baking powder.

8.  We were told that our grammarian sleeps with a dictionary under his pillow.

THE MONOLOGUE

Ado Ado Ado…and now without further Ado.
(Poking fun at a cliche phrase sometimes used at meetings.)

I don’t like to be called on for Table Topics.  That’s why I always volunteer for the role of Observational Humor Master.
(A humorous explanation of why I normally lead the Observational Humor portion of the meeting.)

If one of the monologue jokes isn’t funny, just remember…this is harder than it looks.
(Self deprecation.  Implies that not all of my jokes will work.)

And welcome to the Enterprise, commanded by Captain Pam Shinkle…where no man has gone before.  With the possible exception of Bryant Pergerson.
(A joke and a topper.  Big laugh.)

I thought of presenting my observations in the format of Carnacks.  But good judgment tells me not to engage in Dualing Carnacks with a psychic.
(Good link between the Carnack format and the psychic profession.)

I figured out what was wrong with my first relationship…too much baking soda.
(An absurd statement which is funny.)

I’ve never slept with a dictionary.  Although I did have a one-night-stand with a thesaurus.  Actually I’ve had more than one…but I’ve learned to describe each one with different words.
(A joke and a topper.  I actually thought of the topper driving home from the meeting, and didn’t actually deliver it at the meeting.)

New Cartoon Caption Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).

New Joke Contests are announced at the start of the month (alternating months).  The next joke contest will be announced on August 1, 2010.

Here are this month’s cartoon and the results:

** FIRST PLACE **

And yes, taping pictures of women on the inside of your blinders was a definite step backward!

     Darin Thompson, Smithfield, Utah

** SECOND PLACE **

Mrs Snerdly, maybe if YOU got blinders, your husband’s behavior wouldn’t be so noticeable.

     Terry Wall, Washington Township, New Jersey

** THIRD PLACE **

I’m not sure about your marriage, but this will do wonders for Tom’s golf swing.
 
     Tom Nee, Oak Lawn, Illinois

HONORABLE MENTION (in random order)

  – Usually it’s the woman who enters a marriage with blinders on.
  – Of course you will have to remove the blinders if you want a kiss.
  – Always use the blinders when you take him shopping.
  – So m’am, why do you say your husband can be a bit myopic at times?
  – Marriage is an institution.  So commit me!
  – Have the blinders cured your wandering eyes, Mr Smith?
  – I wore one of those for awhile, trust me, it works.
  – Once you have him fully trained you can remove the blinders.
  – From now on you’ll always see eye-to-eye.
  – Welcome to Paranoia Problems Inc.
  – Alright alright I’ll sign!  Just don’t do the stare!
  – An inch lower and you would have lost both ears!
  – This lawsuit must have really blindsided you.
  – I guarantee that he’ll only have eyes for you.
  – You’ll never again have to say “Look at me when I’m talking to you.”
  – I see you’ve convinced him not to have a pre-nup.
  – Take them off when you leave work for the day.
  – For some reason Mr Jones, you are just not seeing the whole picture!
  – Just because all politicians are doing it,  doesn’t make it OK!
  – So you want to patent your “laser eyes”.  Have you run it through a focus group?
  – How is the reception on your dish network?
  – Mr Jones, please read the third line on the chart.
  – Your husband is the most forward-looking man I know.
  – Now if THAT doesn’t prevent your husband from ogling, nothing will.
  – I wrote the agreement in mirror images, so you can read it from either side.
  – I’ve never seen a home confinement ankle bracelet slip that far!
  – George, you really have to stop hiding from the facts.
  – Staying focused on your goals, Mr Smith, can be over-emphasized.
  – OK, Casanova, if this doesn’t cure your wandering eye we will hook up the battery next week.

Visit cartoonist Dan Rosandich who has an extensive and in depth archive of categorized cartoons and cartoon pictures available for licensing at negotiable fees.