You are beautiful. Never let anyone tell you anything different. The kids may be mean and call you names, but just know that true beauty comes from the heart. I know you feel like you don’t fit in, but don’t feel like you have to fit in. God is that one friend you are looking for.

You are accepted by the one who created the world. His love for you is everlasting and true. Don’t let people make you feel like you aren’t acceptable or loved. Christ created you because He wanted you. Let Him have you.

Your parents love you. I know things are difficult right now, but God will provide. He has a plan for your life. I know it’s hard to see past the divorce and the rejection you are feeling, but just know that it is not your fault and you will have a family.

Mom knows what she is doing. I know she re-married and how badly it hurts. Just know he is the perfect dad for you. God has this whole thing worked out. You can’t see the other side of the mountain, but just know how beautiful it is.

Your dad does care for you. I know how angry you are right now. Just know that he isn’t intentionally trying to make you feel like a possession. He does love you. He just doesn’t know how to show it.

Your new dad loves you more than anything. Let him be your dad. Don’t reject him. Let him love you. All he wants is to be is the dad you never had. Accept him and don’t push him away. Don’t wait eighteen years before you finally get it right. That’s eleven years too long.

Your mom and dad love you more than ministry. I know it may not seem like it, but they truly do. They are trying to do what Christ has called them to. Get involved and don’t just watch! He can use you too.

Don’t throw friendships away. I know that relationships are challenging and fights are hard, but don’t give up on anyone. Each friend is put in your life for a reason. You won’t always agree but love them where they are at. Just because they don’t do what you do or believe what you believe, does not mean you cut them off. Love them as much as Christ loves you.

Times will be hard. People will change. Family will hurt you. But don’t turn your back on them and don’t give up on God. Treat every day as a second chance and walk in the direction that God points to.

 love,

Your 18 year old self. 

After a lot of tears and prayer I realized that God will use the things we are weakest in, to strengthen us and make us depend 100% on HIM. Let me tell you, that was a tough one to swallow. After all that I had gone through, being tested by the one thing that I hated the most, was just not what i wanted. But God reminded me that its not about what we want. That was key. I was focusing on what i wanted rather than what God wanted. My focus was on myself. That is when i stumble and fall. When I start to focus on myself rather than God. My focus was on not gaining weight and doing anything to not gain weight. When my focus should be, treating my body as the temple. This body is on loan. I am simply borrowing it. So rather than focuisng on looking good, I need to focus on making sure i am keeping it healthy and making decisions that would please God.

My heart and focus needs to be completetly devoted to HIM if i will overcome this. This weekend, I really started to qustion my theory that "Eating disorders are not lifelong. " But the fact of the matter is, breaking habits takes time. My thought life towards food is so engrained in me, that it will take time to fully defeat it. God will use this weakness of mine, to bring me closer to HIM and help me trust in HIM 100%. So my theme song this week is "If He brings you to it, He will brings you through it." Don't not deal with the problems you have! That won't lead to a road of recoverey. God wants us to unload our junk on HIM. So this week, I will not be discouraged. I will use scripture, and all that i have learned through this journey, to defeat this "mind game" I have towards food. My God is greater than an eating disorder. 

Two months ago, my mom saw my problem. She was very concerned and, in my opinion (at the time), completely overreacted. She claimed that if I didn’t stop my problem now, then years down the road I would have more serious problems. I laughed it off. As the days progressed, God began to show me how serious this was. He began to show me friends in my life, who are bulimic, anorexic, or just obsessed with losing weight. The fact was, almost all of my friends have body issues. I didn’t even realize it! I have known most of these people for years, but have been so blind to it. It was like God took the blinders off of my eyes and showed me what I would be like, and what I had become. This frightened me. I didn’t want that for my life. I felt like I was chained by food, because if I didn’t work out or eat right, then I would be fat.

Back track thirteen years, and you can see where my obsession over my body came from. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. I lived in two different homes for a good three years. My biological dad was very superficial. It was all about what you looked like, what you would drive, wear, etc. That was what I was around. I wasn’t a big kid, but I wasn’t a twig. I was extremely athletic, but loathed myself. I felt that if I didn’t meet up to his standards then I was nothing. My mom moved to Maui when I was 7 and when I was about eleven; I stopped talking to my real dad entirely. Sure he would call occasionally, but it was about twice a year. Every time he would call, he would ask my mom if I was fat, too tall, pretty, etc. I never felt accepted by him. Because of that, I thought I wasn’t acceptable.

Now we can fast forward to now. Mom was extremely scared about what would become of me if I continued down this road. So she ordered a book. This book is called “Made to Crave”. It’s about Craving God more than you crave food. A concept I had never really thought of before. We started the book, together. She decided that since I was struggling, she would do this with me. Every day (even against my will) we would sit and talk. I have had some horrible days, and some triumphant days. I’ll tell you, it is not so encouraging when you hear people talk about how eating disorders are problems that you have to deal with for the rest of your life. As I learned more about myself, and my problem, I realized that this isn’t true at all. I just needed to learn how to change my heart and mind.

I have been letting Satan fill my head with lies. These lies include: I’m ugly, fat, not acceptable, and worthless. I didn’t know how to overcome this. Then God revealed everything. Every time, I hear those lies, I replace it with the truth. I dwell in HIS truth and HIS goodness. I was dwelling on what others thought of me, rather than caring what God thought of me. I am acceptable in HIS eyes regardless of what I look like.

As I began to try and fill the craving that was in my heart, I realized that I won’t ever be satisfied with food, clothing, acceptance, etc. That craving is meant for God. As I retrain myself to let him fill that whole in my heart, and continually let him fill my craving; everything else is easy. I’m setting my focus off of the world and myself, and focusing on someone who deserves my heart. He created me because He wanted me.

I’m not saying that my problem is overcome, because I still have my days. Just know that this isn’t a lifelong battle. I have made progress and continue to make new habits, because I’m dwelling in His presence. I hope and pray that my posts will encourage and strengthen you not to be a slave to food; but instead, let HIM fill your craving. Let HIM be everything you need and long for. For without HIM, we can’t do anything.

Well that’s about it.

   -Ri "Hungry Chick"

    - Hungry Chick

    - Mama Extreme

I knew that the only way to survive, would be to create a plan. My plan was to replace every lie with the truth. Every time Satan threw an insecurity at me, I would banish him in the Name of the Lord Jesus Christ.  Let me tell you, doing that throughout the day works.  It allows me to remember and see who has got this.  Who has got me. It is Christ who can do all things.  It’s when I rely on myself and look at the storm around me when I fall. So, my goal is to rest in my Heavenly Fathers Arms, and be overjoyed by His unending love.

Psalm 73:26

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever.”

    - Hungry Chick