Hurdles of Life, Love & Family

Creating Calm: The Great American Road Trip & Tips

2013-09-10T10:40:00.000-04:00

We all want to be "Happy as a Clam" ... and for this Drill Sargent, it isn't as easy as I'd like it to be. Although, we are always progressing forward.. leaps and bounds and hopefully, I am letting go of some of my military-esque parenting tactics.

And yet.. we are (as a family) venturing out on a Road Trip.. yes the gaggle in a car for an extended period (here's to hoping I still have hair and it isn't completely grey).

So I did what I do best.. prepare and Google!! I came across so many great ideas for so many of my wonderful blogger friends. Here are just a few and then I'll give you MY first TIP (modified from my internet finds)!

Road Trip Round Up ~ Random Thoughts of a SuperMom!
Are We There Yet?!? ~ Just A Little Creativity.
50 Road Trip Ideas ~ Six Sisters Stuff (btw I LOVE their recipes)
Saving $$ on the Road ~ The Simple Dollar
Travel Kits for Kids ~ SheKnows Travel
Leavin' on a Car Trip ~ Keep Home Simple
Smart Travel: 24 Tips ~ Babble
Road Trip with a Toddler ~ DIY Home Sweet Home
Road Trip Map ~ 4Tunate
Maps of the US ~ Mr. Printables

So what are some of your ideas/techniques for creating Calm in the Car so you can be Happy as a Clam?

Edu-macating Educators

2013-02-19T16:01:00.000-05:00

Bella is in Kindergarten this year, she is younger Kindergarten (she turned 5 after the start of the school year) but she is a bright kid. She knew her alphabet (upper and lower case), her numbers to 20 (recognizing them), could count to 100 (got stuck a bit on 50), knew some of her sight words, and how to spell her name.. intellectually she was ready for Kindergarten. Sadly, behaviorally she still couldn't sit still through a Disney Princess movie, never mind the marathon of all day Kindergarten but we enrolled her anyway. Our hope was that being around child a bit older would increase her maturity and her behavior.

I've never posted much about the children's behavior or any issues that we go through as a result of their past life experiences. Mainly for their privacy and ours. But sometimes things need to be discussed openly for both my benefit and for others to understand and learn how to better help children who come from traumatic and/or neglectful pasts.

We are presently in the process of having her evaluated for an IEP (Individualized Education Plan). Honestly, I am scared... I am so scared that they School District will find that she is not in need of an IEP, even though I KNOW she does need one. She is fully capable of learning but the classroom environment sets her off. I can't seem to pinpoint a trigger, but it does seem to be centralized around larger group activities (circle time, recess, the bus ride, e.g.). At those times her behavior is just out of control (to put it simply) she becomes defiant (yelling and screaming at those in authority roles, running away from the teachers and other adults, and even physically hurting other students by pushing or pulling them).

2013-02-04T14:54:00.002-05:00

This is an older blog post, but it was shared recently by a friend and hit home (and admittedly, stung a bit too): How to Miss a Childhood by HandsFreeMama.

What do I want my children to have as memories? Of course some of the same things I remember... Weren't we all Wonder Woman or SuperMan at some point? Jumping off buildings (swing sets) in a single bound? -- okay sorry Mom and Dad, but we did jump off the barn roof too, among other things that will not be admitted to you or my children.

I just don't know where to find the time... With 5 kids and working full time, our schedules are jam packed. And this is without extra activities, like soccer or girl scouts. I am reluctant to even add those to my schedule. But I am missing out on their childhood... and so are they. I have even taken to pacifying and bribing them with video game play (the current favorite is Smurfs Dance Party for Wii), just to get other things done.

Here is a list of some favorite memories from my childhood:

roaming free
building forts
blanket forts
playing board games
learning how to shuffle a deck of cards
getting my nails done (by my mom -- which first involved soaking them in warm water and soap)
riding my bike
a sick day of Sonic video game play (my brother and I beat it -- I can't even tell you what we were sick from)
Disney Movie night (on TV)

What I am afraid my children will remember:

me being on my cell phone
me placating them with video games
being sent outside to play on the swing set so I could clean the house

Although, reading my list of memories.. I am *now* sure that some of those items were my parents shooing us away to get things done.

So how do I accomplish "Not missing out on Childhood" from their end and mine?

I don't get home from work till about 6pm or 6:30pm... I make dinner.. we eat dinner.. and then its off to bed at 8:30pm. Not much time in there. In the morning its getting everyone ready, making lunches, and then out the door and off to daycare/school/work.

Life Books: Part II (the cover letter & template)

2012-11-06T14:49:00.001-05:00

So, I know what your questions are about Life Books... What should I write in the Life Book? What do I include? I don't have baby pics or bio family pics, what then?

My answers... be as bland as possible when discussing why the children where in care. I use words like "wrong choices" and "big problems" (these are direct from books I have read to my children about Foster Care and Adoption: Maybe Days, Families Change, Kids Need to be Safe, and The Star). Do not write specifically about what "choices" or "problems" the birth family had... these are questions that can be answered as the child asks and your answers can be suitable to the child's age (for our children with their young ages.. "big problem" suffices to squelch the curiosity).

Pictures: Stalk social media... yup, right click and/or print screen work wonders for pictures. Or if you still don't have anything, then have the child draw pictures if they are old enough. And if you still come up short then you can always add artwork they've done, just to make the pages look "perty".

The big thing I like to have in my Life Books is a Cover Letter.. and Introduction to the book if you would. Here are the links to a blanket letter and a template for a Life Book (from MixBook).

Good Luck, Enjoy, and don't be afraid to Be Creative... at best they'll have a complete book with pictures of everyone and information about them and at worst they'll have a book that documents their time with you as their Foster Family.

Life Books: Where to begin?!?

2012-11-05T16:21:00.001-05:00

So part of a child's journey in life inevitably involves the creation of a "Baby Book" of sorts.. It tells them their story through words and/or pictures. In the Foster Care world and even Adoption, we call these books "Life Books".

I have created three, and I have to say that "A"arron's is by far the best... probably because it looks like a baby book. It covers the first year of his life, his milestones through his adoption date. For "C"indy and "B"ella I am missing all of their milestones and baby pictures. I do have pictures of their birth families from physical photos given to them while they were in foster care... but the books still seem incomplete.

At some point, I found this fabulous letter from a CaseWorker as an introduction to the Life Book. I was able to copy and paste it and edit it to my liking. But now that I am working on my fourth and fifth Life Books.. that letter is NO WHERE to be found. {so much for my wonderful Google skills}

There are websites that you can order Life Books from and even suggestions on what to do (personally, I prefer Shutterfly hard cover books -- sometimes there are Groupons for them for only $10 plus shipping -- I have a fear that pictures/pages can get removed from a binder and then the child has nothing).

Foster Care Life Books by Beth O'Malley
Casey Family Services "How to Guide for Life Books" (with links)
IFAPA Life Book Pages
Adoption World's Life Book

Just Hurdling...

2012-10-25T11:50:00.000-04:00

Even though I find blogging/writing/journaling therapeutic... sometimes I just don't have the time to get it all out and share the nonsense in my head.

In March we took two new placements (again for privacy purposes their names will be changed): "D"ylan (boy) and "E"mma (girl). At the time, they were placed with us "D" was 8 weeks old and he slept through the night (he still sleeps through the night) and "E" was 2 1/2 years old. "D" is a pretty cheery little guy.. although he does turn into a gremlin if he is overtired. And "E" was quite shy in the beginning... she wouldn't talk to adults and barely spoke. We initially thought she had some sort of developmental or cognitive delay, but she has come around... first speaking with the other children and then forming trust with the adults in her life and having full on conversations with us. They are an interesting addition to the home and family unit, but they are foster children... we have no plans on pursuing adoption should they be unable to be reunified. We know that this is best for them and our family and that there is an amazing set of people out there who would be blessed to have them should they be unable to be reunited with biological family.

And, happily our family is complete!! The missing puzzle piece has been found and we are overjoyed that "C"indy and "B"ella are our daughters! We had a small ceremony at church, in which we said a prayer with our congregation and some of our family was able to attend (not living in the same state as our families can be a drag for moments like this). The girls started the school year with their new names and were soo excited!!

We've had some behavioral issues with "B"ella post adoption and my anxiety has shot through the roof! But we are working through things, her therapy sessions have increased and so has my listening to Love & Logic CD's during my commute. We have discussed medication, but really feel that isn't a great choice, given her past and possible predisposition to addiction. We'd like to utilize Occupational/Behavioral Therapy instead of medication... she is only 5 years old and with her trauma history is emotionally a 3 year old (maybe 4 year old).. so her behaviors are on target for her emotional age. Sometimes meeting her where she is emotionally is easier said then done... again that is where L&L is my saving grace... along with giving myself a time-out.

Right now she said she enjoys writing sentences as a consequence.. I believe it gives her time to process right from wrong. She writes 5 sentences.. usually it is "I will sit on the carpet at circle time." and she says the sentence as she writes. The next day she has a great day at school.. there are some mornings that she just wakes up on the wrong side of the bed. And its like dealing with Oscar the Grouch. She'll do everything in her power to annoy every person in our home.. typically the other children. And once she is put in a time out for that... she is on the wrong foot for the rest of the day. Tuesday it was turning off and on the kitchen lights while I was getting ready.. I hear "A"arron screaming at her "DOP IT!! I TANT SEE!! DOP ITT!!!!" and "E"mma "Peas Stop!!" and even "C"indy "They are asking you nicely!" Finally, I call down.. "That's it, turn the lights back on and sit on the step until we are ready to leave!" Yah not very L&L of me... its not always easy to be a consultant parent.. the drill sargent comes much more naturally for me. HOOORAHH!!

Nanny 911

2012-01-23T15:41:00.001-05:00

So, we have switched from having a daycare provider at a daycare center to the children being at home with a "Nanny" for lack of a better term. They seem happier (the children that is) and it makes my morning less stressful, so that makes me happier.

Our Nanny doesn't live with us, she arrives in the morning while I am getting ready and gets the children breakfast. They are usually sitting at the table happy as can be when I leave. I get kisses from them and off I go.

At daycare there would be days I would be LUCKY to even get a wave goodbye, never mind a kiss! There were fits and tantrums getting dressed in the morning, there were fits depending on which daycare teacher was in the classroom at drop off.

The only thing that hasn't changed, is super excited children when I walk in the door from work... "MOMMY MOMMY!! You look pretty Mommy!!" or "Up, Up!! Up Peace" How can resist? I scoop up "A"arron and get a nice big hug and wet kiss! Even our Furbabies are happy.. they get the privelage of not being a crate for 9 hours a day!

Do any of you have a Nanny or in home caregiver? What are your likes and dislikes? AND.. what do you do about taxes?

Preschool Weekly Lesson #2

2012-01-22T11:56:00.003-05:00

Weekly Theme (Start Monday, continue with the theme all week)
This week's theme is B.
The vocabulary word are bed, bug, ball, bee, bat.

Books to read aloud that support the theme:
(You can choose one book to read all week, or a new book for each day. These are just suggestions, you may find others related to the theme in your library.)

Books to read aloud: Blueberries for Sal by Robert McCloskey
The Big Balloon Race by Eleanor Coerr
The Little Ballerina by Katharine Ross

Poems that support the theme:
"Bee" by Ellie Shumaker

How perfect it is
to hum and be silent, to hum and be silent,
doused in warm rays,
to be surrounded on every side
by petal-beauty symmetry --
gold satin, pink velvet, royal purple silk --
to journey as an honored prince
in the quiet realm of breeze-bent green;
to seek patiently amidst the love shapes --
circles and ovals and cylinders --
for tiny sips of sweetness;
to hold a minute weapon, never for crueltybut only for kindness to self;
to spread about, by just a touch,
without even trying,
grains for new life;
to be filled, tender and heavy,
and spin away toward the cozy hollow,
there to share the meadow's seed!
s, its sugar;
then to buzz and twirl, to buzz and twirl,
and by this private dance
to show a way, a path to fly
to the Sun's kingdom.

"My Bed is a Boat" by R. L. Stevenson

My bed is like a little boat;
     Nurse helps me in when I embark;
She girds me in my sailor's coat
     And starts me in the dark.

At night I go on board and say
     Good-night to all my friends on shore;
I shut my eyes and sail away
     And see and hear no more.

And sometimes things to bed I take,
     As prudent sailors have to do;
Perhaps a slice of wedding-cake,
     Perhaps a toy or two.

All night across the dark we steer;
     But when the day returns at last,
Safe in my room beside the pier,
     I find my vessel fast.

Gross Motor Skills Activity: (Monday)
Using a large ball, play games to encourage your child to kick the ball, using one foot at a time. You could also throw and catch it to each other.

Fine Motor Skills Activity: (Friday)

Beads in a Paint Palette

A clear cup of multicolored faceted plastic beads was placed in the middle of the tray. The children use their thumb and forefinger to grasp each bead and place it in one of the bowls of the paint palette tray. The children sorted the beads into the tray by color. Each bowl of the tray holds about 4 beads. A muffin tin could also be used for this activity, but I prefer the paint palette tray because each bowl is smaller and the children have to be more precise about placing the bead into the bowl. The beads and paint palette trays were purchased in a craft store. (Read more: http://prekinders.com/fine-motor-skills/#ixzz1kCtNXKlj)

Shape/Color (Tuesday)
This week you will teach the shape of a circle.

Walk through your home looking for circles.
Cut circles out of construction paper.
Paper towel tube art. Use an old paper towel tube and stamp circles, discuss the shape.

This week you will teach the color of a yellow.

Find Something Yellow Have the children find something in the room that is yellow and have each child bring it to circle time. Have each child tell the class what they have found.
Yellow Chat Have the children name as many things they can that are yellow. Write down their list.
Lacing Cards Cut yellow poster board into shapes and punch holes around the edges. Then let your child lace yarn or a shoestring into the cards.
Fingerprint Bugs A Big Hit with my Toddlers) Supply each child with a piece of white paper and a yellow non-toxic stamp pad. Show the child how to make fingerprints on the paper, using only one finger at a time. When finished, add legs and antennae with a black pen, or for older children, have them add the legs and antennae.

Letter (Wednesday)
The letter this week is the letter B.

Give your child a printout of the (capital) letter B to color. ~Letter Printouts~
Teach your child to trace the shape of the letter B using his finger. You can trace in pudding, finger paint, a shallow tray (cookie sheet) filled with rice or beans, etc.
Point out the letter B in signs, cereal boxes, etc.
Post the letter B on your learning poster.

Number (Thursday)
The number this week is the number 2.

Show your child 2 object to count, or eat 2 cracker, 2 cheerio, etc.
Show your child the written symbol (numeral) for 2 and put on your learning poster.
Add 2 sticker to your counting book.
Show your matching index cards for the number 2 to your child.
Draw 2 square on a piece of paper and count it with your child.
Walk around your home counting 2 of many different objects.

Song / Nursery Rhyme / Fable (Friday)
"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" a nursery rhyme

Baa, Baa, black sheep,

have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir -

three bags full:

One for the master,

one for the dame,

And one for the little boy

that lives down the lane.

Baa, Baa, black sheep,

have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir -

three bags full.

For this Week's Lesson in PDF Format - Click Here!

A DIY Chore Chart & Giveaway!

2012-01-20T11:30:00.003-05:00

So I am not the DIY Crafty kind.. I try, but really it isn't me.

I am in love with Pinterest, but seriously I have no clue when I am supposed to have time enough to ever actually create any of the stuff I love on there!

But the hubs and I decided we needed to figure out how to give the girls an allowance. We are in the camp that you don't get paid for chores. Chores are expected, they are something you do because you are in a family, you live in a home. As adults you don't get paid for chores, you just do them because they need to be done. So, how do we accomplish giving them allowance that they can earn and teach them about the responsibility of chores? Well, I had a great discussion with my friend D (who has a fab Etsy Shop ~ The Super Cute Boutique) and she is in the same arena my husband and I are. Chores are Chores and you don't get paid for them (sorry to rat you out D). But within that discussion, D and I developed a plan! A LOOPHOLE to the no payment for chores sentiment.

The Plan:

The children will be required to do chores/tasks based on their age range (e.g. ages 2-3 appropriate chores).
They can do chores/tasks that are in the age range above theirs to earn money (e.g. ages 4-5 appropriate chores).
The chore tiles go up to about 16 years old and starts at ages 2 & 3.
Since our girls are ages 4 & 6, they will be required to do their daily/weekly chores based on ages 2-6.
To earn money they can do chores in the 7-9 age range (e.g. vacuuming, dusting, etc.).
We will use the white board to track their earnings and if they want to "bank" the money rather than physically keep it their banks.

The Creation of the Chore Chart:

(modified from Not So Idle Hands plans)

Here's what you need:

A magnetic white board (my choice 11" x 14")
Epoxy Stickers (scrabble tile size)
Magnets (with stickers)
2 sheets of 4"x 6" piece of scrapbook paper

Then, I print out the names onto the paper and put the magnets on the back or you can adhere them with just a few pieces of double stick tape.

Print out your "Chore Tiles" and collect your items (the magnets, stickers, and "Chore Tiles").

Place the magnets on the back of your cut out "Chore Tiles" (you can skip the next step if you don't want to use the epoxy stickers and just print the "Chore Tiles" on a nice thick cardstock).

For the magnets, I used the epoxy stickers (make sure you don't touch the sticky side, you'll get fingerprints on them) and the sticker magnets.

Then CAREFULLY place the epoxy stickers to your "Chore Tiles" ... I used the magnets to hold the "Chore Tiles" so that I could place them on the super sticky epoxy stickers.

And here is our FINAL PRODUCT!!

This process was quite time consuming, but I luckily had the help from "C"indy.. she happily stuck the magnets on the back of the "Chore Tiles" while I dealt with my epoxy stickers.. again CAREFULLY. Oh, and I duplicated some of the tiles because each girl needs to be responsible for the chore (e.g. brushing their hair, brushing their teeth, taking a shower); whereas some chores really can only be accomplished by one person (e.g. feed the dogs).

And because I am the coolest blogger EVER.. I am giving you the pdf version of the "Chore Tiles"!! Yup that is right.. for a limited time you've can win you're very own DIY CHORE CHART, from your's truly! Just Click Here!! After that they will be available on Etsy!

MMMWWWAHHH!!

Help me and earn a Giveaway!!

2012-01-13T11:02:00.004-05:00

My upcoming post will be instructions on your very own Chore Chart..

and if I can get 100 followers,

I'll do a giveaway!!

Preschool Weekly Lesson #1

2012-01-11T14:05:00.004-05:00

Weekly Theme (Start Monday, continue with the theme all week)
This week's theme is A.
The vocabulary word are ant, and, arm, apple ,ape.

Books to read aloud that support the theme:
(You can choose one book to read all week, or a new book for each day. These are just suggestions, you may find others related to the theme in your library.)
Books to read aloud:
Ten Apples up on Top! by Dr. Seuss
The Apple Pie Tree by Zoe Hall
How to Make an Apple Pie and See the World by Marjorie Priceman
Alligator Shoes by Arthur Dorros
Animals Should Definitely Not Wear Clothing by Judi Barrett

Poems that support the theme:
A Little Red Apple
A little red apple
Hung high in a tre.
I looked up at it,
And it looked down at me.
"Come down, please," I called.
And what do you suppose?
That little red apple
Dropped right on my nose!

The Apple Tree
Way up high in the apple tree,
Four little apples hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples and mmmmm!
Were they good!

Way up high in the apple tree,
Three little apples hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples and mmmmm!
Were they good!

Way up high in the apple tree,
Two little apples hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apples and mmmmm!
Were they good!

Way up high in the apple tree,
One little apple hung over me.
I shook the tree as hard as I could.
Down came the apple and mmmmm!
Was it good! Apples
Apples, apples, one, two, three,
Apples for you,
Apples for me.
Apples for big,
Apples small,
Apple trees tiny,
Apple trees tall.
Apples sour,
Apples sweet,
Apples, apples, are nice to eat.

I Like Apples Red apples,
Big apples,
Good apples,
Yummy apples,
Any kind of apples,
I like apples!

An apple on the tree,
An apple in the basket,
An apple in a fridge,
An apple in a store,
I like apples! A squiggly little worm into my apple bit.
He chomped and chomped until the core he hit.
I asked him why he did it,
And thought it sopunds absurd,
He said, "I love apples."
Now that is what I heard.
Apple (to the tune of BINGO)
I know a fruit that grows on trees,
An apple is its name, oh!

(Chorus)
A. P. P. L. E.
A. P. P. L. E.
A. P. P. L. E.
An apple is its name, oh!

In summer and in early fall
It's time to pick an apple!

Chorus

It amy be sweet or may be tart,
It's red, or green, or yellow!

Chorus

A McIntosh or Granny Smith,
A Winesap or Delicious!

Chorus

Make applesauce or apple juice
Or apple pie with apples!

Chorus
Applesauce (to the tune of "Yankee Doodle")
Peel an apple,
cut it up,
cook it in a pot.
When you taste it
you will find
it's applesauce you've got.
Gross Motor Skills Activity: (Monday)
Let's Pretend
Have the kids stand up tall with their arms up and say "be as tall as an apple tree". Then say "be as small as an ant". Repeat this slowly and then get faster and the kids don't even know they are touching their toes!

Have the kids pretend to be an Ape, they can walk around with their arms touching the ground and making ape noises.

Fine Motor Skills Activity: (Friday)
Addition on an abacus - If you have an abacus this could be fun. If not you can use animal crackers or some other manipulatives and teach simple addition such as 1 + 1 = 2, 2 + 1 = 3, 3 + 1 = 4, 4 + 1 = 5, 2 + 2 = 4, 2 + 3 = 5. ( If your child is ready you could add up to 10 or more)

Shape/Color (Tuesday)
This week you will teach the shape of a square.

Collect 3 - 5 everyday objects in the shape of a square... i.e.: blocks, pot holder, CD jewel case, etc... to share with your child and discuss.
Walk through your home looking for squares.
Cut squares out of playdough.
Put a drawing of a square on your learning poster.

This week you will teach the color of a red.

Find Something Red - Have the children find something in the room that is red and have each child bring it to circle time. Have each child tell the class what they have found.
Red Chat - Have the children name as many things they can that are red. Write down their list.
Kool Aid Art - Sprinkle a little dry red kool aid mix onto a piece of paper. Have your child spray water from a spray bottle onto the paper. For added adventure, you may choose to take your children out into the rain with a piece of paper that has kool-aid on it.
Red Tracks - In a pie tin, place 3 to 5 teaspoon sized portions of different shades of red tempera paint evenly spaced about the area. Supply the children with washable toy cars that have wheels that roll. Have the children dip the wheels in the paint and roll across the paper.

Letter (Wednesday)
The letter this week is the letter A.

Give your child a printout of the (capital) letter A to color. ~Letter Printouts~
Teach your child to trace the shape of the letter A using his finger. You can trace in pudding, finger paint, a shallow tray (cookie sheet) filled with rice or beans, etc.
Point out the letter A in signs, cereal boxes, etc.
Post the letter A on your learning poster.

Number (Thursday)
The number this week is the number 1.

Show your child 1 object to count, or eat 1 cracker, 1 cheerio, etc.
Show your child the written symbol (numeral) for 1 and put on your learning poster.
Add 1 sticker to your counting book.
Show your matching index cards for the number 1 to your child.
Draw 1 square on a piece of paper and count it with your child.
Walk around your home counting 1 of many different objects.

Song / Nursery Rhyme / Fable (Friday)
The song this week is The Ants Go Marching. Recite often!

The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The ants go marching one by one,
The little one stops to suck his thumb
And they all go marching down to the ground
To get out of the rain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The fable this week is The Ant and the Dove. Recite often!

A Dove saw an Ant fall into a brook. The Ant struggled in vain to reach the bank, and in pity, the Dove dropped a blade of straw close beside it. Clinging to the straw like a shipwrecked sailor to a broken spar, the Ant floated safely to shore.

Soon after, the Ant saw a man getting ready to kill the Dove with a stone. But just as he cast the stone, the Ant stung him in the heel, so that the pain made him miss his aim, and the startled Dove flew to safety in a distant wood.
A kindness is never wasted.

For this Week's Lesson in PDF Format - Click Here!

Reader Question: What's Harder?? (Part II - The Answer)

2012-01-10T08:30:00.000-05:00

Reader Question:

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

Foster Care?

It was great to see all of your responses.

For me both are emotionally draining and anxiety ridden. And with both you can never seem to anticipate anything because once you think you have it figured out.. it changes, for better or worse... it changes.

With TTC and FT's time ticks by at the pace of a cycle.. everything is defined in terms of your ovulation. You have the fertile time leading up to ovulation, and then the dreaded Two Week Wait to find out if you conceived.. only in our case that TWW never gave us the desired and hoped for BFP. In the beginning the signs of AF weren't so depressing.. it was "oh well there's next month, we are still young" outlook and adage. Then you start realizing.. SH*T this just isn't working.. and you seek medical help.. you take medication and are told that "it wont be a problem for you to conceive".. only there is still a problem.. you still aren't conceiving. So you move further into the treatment process and continue to struggle with conception.. until there is a light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. A time when decide to grieve the loss of your biological child and either live a child-free life or pursue other means create a family.

Then we have the Foster Care side of the equation... time ticks by at the pace of a court date (every 3 months). And information isn't freely passed between parties. Foster Parents can "see" how the case is going by their foster children's behaviour, but that can be misleading. We aren't even always told what circumstances brought the children into care... we can surmise based on comments or attending court hearings (which I never attended.. working in the legal field, I never wanted the court to ask me a question without having been fully prepped on how to answer it -- the big thing with courts is that everything has to be facts not opinions and so mixing your feelings into the fold, won't always bring about your desired outcome). And I can tell you, this past case was emotionally exhausting for me. I always felt as thought I couldn't truly determine whether or not I was being selfish or if I was truly thinking of the children's best interest. Sadly, there are times (in parenting not just foster parenting) where being selfish and having the child's best interest at are are one in the same... and yet you feel guilty because of that simple truth.

So for me.. although they were both riddled with anxiety and heartache, being a Foster Parent was much harder. Solely because there are lives at stake. With TTC & FT's YES I grieved, and yes there are days when I still continue to grieve, but it was in the abstract. Whereas with Foster Parenting, I see .. daily .. the toll it takes on the children and on their families.

For me.. being a Foster Parent is much harder than TTC'ing or injecting myself with needles and being jabbed by the U/S tech every other day to see if things are "ripening" properly.

How to Teach your Preschooler at Home

2012-01-09T10:40:00.001-05:00

It sounds like I know what I am talking about.. but I don't I am learning and not really teaching, because we have a childcare provider who will be doing that.

But I wanted to help her teach the children, so I ordered some workbooks and "The Busy Preschooler Book" its full of crafting/science/art projects.

And I am going to start a section on this blog, for all my readers to share, that I'll update weekly with a lesson plan and weekly theme. And as always if you have any suggestions and/or comments PLEASE share them!!

Here's a hint to the upcoming week's Lesson: A & 1 (yup we are going to in order!).

Reader Question: What's Harder Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments OR Foster Care? (Part I)

2012-01-06T11:06:00.000-05:00

Reader Question:

What's Harder....

Trying to Conceive and Fertility Treatments

Foster Care?

Well, that is a tough one to answer.

So let me open this up to my Readers... What are your thoughts, questions, answers? And then I will share mine.

The Big Reveal!

2012-01-04T17:25:00.003-05:00

MOVE THAT BUS!!!!

** This post will only last a few days **

Show Some Support....

2012-01-04T11:08:00.000-05:00

A wonderful friend and mommy I know is starting a small business. She makes some super cute hats and headbands and is going to be doing a GIVE-AWAY!!

So, show your support and "Like" her page on Facebook!!

Super Cute Boutique

Well Ladies and Gents (if there are any who read this)...

2012-01-03T14:46:00.000-05:00

I guess I should announce the reason for redoing our paperwork...

Am I Showing...

the answer is on my face, not my belly.

"A"arron has been adopted and we have started the process of adopting "B"ella & "C"indy. We are actually quite shocked at how quick it was to finalize on "A"arron (and yes I will still be calling him by that name on the blog.. just for privacy reasons). The girls are currently placed as a "Legal Risk Adoptive Placement" - meanning that there are some paperwork and legal things to clear up before we can finalize their adoption (this could take 6-9 months or longer), but they will stay with us .. which is good.

When we started the process of foster parenting.. I would not have guessed that this is where we'd be two years later. Had you asked me then .. I would have told you "Oh we'll probably have 3-4 placements before we adopt." I never would've imagined that we'd be adopting our first foster child.. or that that first placement would've been an infant.

And for those of you that are curious.. this is what a Paper Pregnancy looks like:

Letters from the Heart

2011-12-03T10:50:00.000-05:00

I've been struggling to write.. to write on my blog and to write a letter to the children's birth family. Last year we got each birth parent a gift for Christmas. This year I am sending a letter to update them on things that are going on with the children and to include some professional pictures we had taken. But boy is letter writting harder than sending a small token.

Even picking out pictures of the children is difficult, do they look happy enough in this one, does this show an adequate portrayal of their life with us, am I sharing too much, am I not sharing enough?

The anxiety.. the agony over something a seemingly simple as a letter or a blog for that matter. The same questions go through my mind when I attempt to post here. There are so many privacy concerns that go into foster care, and so much of our daily revolves around those private matters. But what I can do is tell you about our milestones... Yup we have LOTS of milestones between "C"indy, "B"ella, and "A"arron.

"A"arron is walking and talking... he jabbers soo much. Recently he started walking around the house putting on his sunglasses and say "toot" I am not sure if he saying "Cool" or "Cute". He is soo funny.. he'll also run over and growl at people.. apparently you are supposed to act scared and then he laughs hysterically and repeats it.. over and over and over and over.

"C"indy is in kindergarten.. she absolutely LOVES it and is doing so well. She had almost all 4's (basically to the older generation all A's).. the only she is struggling with is her gross motor skills. They have this weird test that the kids have to stand on one foot for 6 seconds.. here is the glitch.. they have to have their eyes closed. Apparently not many can actually do this till the end of the school year, they fall over at about the 3 second mark. Go ahead and try it.. its a totally different feeling from doing it with your eyes open.

Then we have sweet "B"ella... the middle child, she can be sometimes difficult and at other times a comedian and sweet as pie. We've worked through our potty training issues and dinner issues for the most part. Recently she started hitting other chidlren at school, but we are working with her on it and so is daycare. In fact I get a daily update on how her day was (they put a smiley face, frowny face, or straight line face on a white board.. I am sure you can figure out which one means which). When she gets a frowny face she doesnt get to watch cartoons that night.. and then we get almost a full week of smiley faces!!

History Repeats Itself?

2011-08-12T14:01:00.001-04:00

So last year we had to jump over all sorts of hurdles to get licensed for foster care. And now we have to do it again... I feel as though I am some sorted version of Groundhog Day.

"Didn't I just do this?"

So, here we go again with Physicals, Fingerprinting, References, Home Studies, and Paperwork... all of which is to be completed by the 2nd week in September. I guess I better start making my phone calls now and schedule it all in.

Remind me why I am running around to this again? Oh yah.. "A"arron, "B"ella & "C"indy.

A Page out of Someone Else's Book

2011-07-28T07:00:00.000-04:00

I read this blog every so often.. not so much anymore, not because I don't remember what infertility feels like, but because I am busy. I barely take the time to blog regularly myself, nevermind catch up on everyone elses. But this title caught my eye... Living with Infertility: Take Two .. so I journeyed over younder and read it. And I agree with it. I know I am still greiving.. I know I am still living with infertility, but I know that I am going to live and I am going to live a happy life, with a biological child or not.

So now onto Kieko's task... I am going to step back to a few previous posts.. one in the early stages of our Clammer to Conception.. and one at the Final Curtain Call of Fertility Treatments.

Clammer to Conception: We tried, well not tried, we just didn't prevent pregnancy for the first few years of our marriage. And when we started trying.. it wasn't happening. Finally they ordered some tests, bloodwork, exams, semen analysis.. yada, yada.. and we were diagnosed and prescribed fertility treatments. The reason we couldn't conceiven naturally we were known as being SUBFERTILE -- what's that mean? Well all the plumbing works correctly.. there are just "minor" factors inhibiting our ability to conceive. We were told IUI will definitely work, but we could try this magic pill in the meantime (aka clomid.. the thought was the more eggs = more targets). We had hope that we'd conceive and insurance that covered it.. I remember that excitement at a chance.

Final Curtain: I felt like I was on that journey forever, but in reality it was only a year between an official diagnosis and our last treatment cycle (it probably feels longer because I have short cycles.. the "average" woman has 13 cycles a year -- that is basing it on a 28 day cycle; I have 15-16 cycles in a year). Anyway, this particular post, isn't from our LAST Treatment Cycle, but it was one of the final treatments we endured. And those feelings from that morning are forever burned into my heart.. the tears must have been acid tears.. because it is litterally burned into my memory... the grief, the loss is still there when I think about it.

So what's your journey? What can you recall with the realness of today? And if you don't have a journey, remember that 1 in 8 couples do.. because even the Birds and the Bees have trouble conceiving. So on a lighter note, I leave you with this music video ... see even us infertiles can laugh at our state:

Are you Inspired...

2011-07-27T10:48:00.000-04:00

No this isn't one of THOSE POSTS.. or even one of THESE POSTS you know the kind.. when I try and drag you aboard your crazy train.. the "All Aboard to Foster Care Central" types of posts. It's actually about inspiration and maybe even a little bit of jealousy (oh.. its such an evil word.. but honestly I think it can be a BIG MOTIVATOR!

Take for instance.. redecorating. I was inspired by a fellow foster mom [well shall refer to her as G], who posted pics of her room for her soon to be foster children. G’s children’s room was AMAZING.. colorful hand painted dressers.. just COLOR everywhere. I was reminded of “C”indy’s and “B”ella’s room.. it has color, blue, gray and green (we bought a model home, remember… so this room was the “Boy’s Room” it has geometric shapes on the walls.. interesting for a kids room.. for a boy’s room.. but we have two girlie girls.. where’s the pink?!?!).. I was JEALOUS (icky), but MOTIVATED!

I bought new comforters (full size bed in a bag sets for $25.. SCORE!)… a hanging hammock for their stuffed animals… and wall decals (awesomesauce! They stick to the wall, but don’t take the paint off, easy for redecorating)! I also painted their dresser with some leftover paint. I really want to get them bunk beds, but we decided that could wait a while longer. So here is the after picture…

Are you inspired? Or even a little jealous?

Remember my Veggie-torture-Tale?

2011-07-26T13:53:00.000-04:00

If not, here is this post... Toddlers and Food [bangs head]

oh and this one... Laying it all out on the table

On a positive note we have gotten past the salad woes with both girls, heck even "A"arron will eat it! And during the summer salad is a STAPLE in our house. Its way too hot to cook, so once a week we have salad. I've even added sunflower seeds to it and the girls love that.. although have a tendency to pick out certain things to eat first (not the typical way to eat a salad, but whatever works).

Although, a few weeks ago I made strawberry salad. I love strawberry salad. But, yah this was soo not a hit with "C"indy. She refused to even try it.. seriously?!? Salad with strawberries in it.. strawberries?!? She LOVES, ADORES, GOBBLES DOWN strawberries.. but wouldn't touch the salad.

On the other hand my little "B"ella.. the one who can become unable to use her limbs when uninterested in a task or meal.. ate it faster than I have ever seen her eat a salad (oh.. well that might be because I give her a spoon and a fork for all of her meals now.. I figure if one is too hard to use, she has the other.. and its working well). Sometimes the fork is just too hard for her to use, still (yes, she will be 4 in a short period of time.. but foster children are different.. sometimes they have delays, most often it is in the emotional/social skill are, but they can have delays in their motor skills too. basically even though they are 4, they could be emotionally 2.. its hard to remember when you are staring at a 4 year old.. that she is stuck as a 2 year old -- but this a topic for another post).

So now onto sumthing new with veggies.. "B"ella REFUSES to eat broccoli.. simply flat out refuses.. her entire body goes limp at the sight of it. So I have new recipe to try.. THE BEST BROCCOLI OF YOUR LIFE.. apparently it is soo good people have said its better than steak! We'll see!!

An Anthem...

2011-07-21T15:35:00.002-04:00

for "A"arron, "B"ella and "C"indy

A day in the life of a Mom...

2011-07-20T12:01:00.000-04:00

There are some days that you just sit back and enjoy the view of the world through your child's eyes... and then there are days (like this past Saturday) when you truly attempt to view the world through your child's eyes but realize that no matter how hard you squint its still very blury.

Case in point...

Wake up, change the baby's diaper, bring the baby downstairs for breakfast, make toast for the kids, turn around to a steaming pile of dog poo on the floor.. immediately scream "WHO DID THIS?"... the excited "NOT ME" comes from the 3 year old sitting at the kitchen table... shake head trying not to laugh at the ridiculousness of the comment.. clean up dog poo... hear a loud cough... then hear the 5 year old crying... look up to find that she threw up on herself at the kitchen table.. clean up the 5 year old... check her temp.. no fever... must be post nasal drip... go to waterpark... notice the 3 year old is sneezing ALOT... give her baby wipe for boogars.. have her throw out the wipe... comes back and notice she has a bloody nose... ask her if she picked her nose... calmly she responds "Nope, I put paper in it"... freak out! look up her nose.. see a line of something... attempt to remove it... doesn't come out.. look again.. it looks like a (no that can't be it) STRAW! how the heck did a plastic thing end up in her nostril.. panic... take her to lifeguard station.. remove object with tweezers... and find.....

a band aid.. a band aid!! she folded it up and put a band aid in her nose!! come home to find that the baby has yucky butt.. yup the day started with $#!+ and ended with $#!+.

that was a day that required a relaxing evening....

Oh the Drama...

2011-07-19T11:13:00.001-04:00

I get to wear a crown... and I am not a princess, but a queen... the Queen of Drama! Yes being a Foster Parent brings all sorts of unexpected drama into your life, but so does being a parent. We are lucky enough to parent 3 beautiful children, who's hearts are so big they not only have room to love their biological family but also our family and our extended family and our friends. "C"indy is our drama queen, from a hang nail to minor fall.. she requires a band aid. "B"ella is a handful (but what 3 year old isn't)... on a recent outing we discovered that this little one had inserted a small round band aid into her nostril -- so my suggestion to you mom's and dad's out there on the interwebs, keep a first aid kit with tweezers in it on you at all times (I did not have one in our diaper bag, but I will be getting one.. we were at a place that had tweezers so I managed to pull the bugger out). And then there is "A"arron.. he is 14 months now and has lived with us for almost a year!! We went from an infant that was supposed to be with us for a week to a placement that has lasted longer than we ever thought and welcomed his siblings with us (by the way, he is walking now and saying a few words).

Enough about the kiddos, life is good with them, we love providing them a home for as long as we need to.. the dama is with the system (not them, not their case)... just the system. In my state there have been lawsuits, threats to take over the child welfare system because of inadequacies. There are federal laws that aren't being upheld, there are children that are stuck in the system because caseworker's are overloaded and overburdened. The system is a mess, supposedly reform is in the works (we will be getting new computer systems to help with the workloads, because technology is the answer --- please note the sarcasm in that, don't get me wrong technology will help, but it is far from an answer).

My opinion... my humble opinion... we need more people to advocate for these kids, we need more people to welcome these children/families into their homes and hearts. And you don't need to be a foster parent to do this, you can provide respite care for foster parents (yes you need to do the same training as foster parents to, but it is basically babysitting for foster parents) or you can become a CASA (a court appointed special advocate for children). So what's stopping you?