Hurty Elbow

2012-06-07T23:29:50-05:00

Game 6. 45 points, 15 boards, and 5 assists

I AM THE DANGER YOU MAY OR MAY NOT SLEEP WITH! ASK YOUR MOTHER.

2011-08-24T22:02:45-05:00

On Breaking Bad, Walter White proclaimed, "I AM THE DANGER!" and so of course the next logical question is, "Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?"

Life After Urlesque

2011-04-07T17:02:35-05:00

I spent a year and a half making things over at Urlesque, but they plan to fold the site and already laid off some freelancers in favor of similarily located full-time staffers. Because everyone knows a newsroom full of professional journalists comes up with stuff like Internetic, Fake Facebook Ads and Rock Climbing in Your House?

If you need a contributor to make awesome, funny, weird and webby things for you. Let me know!

Some favorites from my time at Urlesque:

E*Trade BabyMail

2010-03-09T18:55:14-06:00

I hate those talking babies commercials, but I'm a sucker for text-to-speech. So in light of Lindsay Lohan's $100 million dollar lawsuit against E*Trade for calling her a milk-a-holic, here's an apology video from E*Trade.

I Used To Be Younger

2009-12-16T18:08:53-06:00

Hey, hello, hi, howdy! Have you ever been younger than you are right now? You have?! You should check out and submit some pictures to this awesome site.

It's my latest project (the best one by far) and it's called "I Used To Be Younger." It features candid snapshots of people now and when they were younger.

If you've ever been younger before, you'll love it.

I Used To Be Younger

Four Years of Hurt

2009-06-12T13:18:41-05:00

Hurty Elbow began as a small joke web log in 2005. It grew into a fairly successful comedy site and drew traffic from Gawker Media, Boing Boing, and Buzzfeed, but links have slowed. After an animated series, comics, elbow trivia, ugly animals, Back to the Future, half beards, drunk astronauts, Presidential Losers, and Mona Lisa on Redbook; I'm out of ideas.

Hurty Elbow needs a reboot. I'm taking time off to rethink the site. Thanks to everyone who's ever contributed, commented, or read my work over the past four long years.

Joe Avella's Wheelchair Werewolf

2009-05-01T12:46:01-05:00

The trailer for the as yet, un-produced horror flick Wheelchair Werewolf is brought to you by Chicago comedy creator Joe Avella*. "Joe Avella is an independent filmmaker, actor, writer, improviser, and sketch comedian."

"Action City Bathroom is a nonstop-action-crime-thriller that takes place completely in a bathroom."

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Joe frequently performs with Tim Racine as the comedy duo Teenager of the Year whose short film Scatterbrained was screened at SXSW. Avella's other work includes, Le Arthouse Theatre (classic films re-imagined with way more blood) and guest-starring work with seasoned improv performer Neil Arsenty on the MWTSS (Midwest Teen Sex Show).

Joe Avella on:

Tim Racine on:

Neil Arsenty on:

*Mr. Avella declined to be interviewed by fax machine.

Stop sharing EVERYTHING.

2009-04-20T15:11:39-05:00

The internet is trivial. A barrage of constant updates intended to entertain, educate, and provoke. Instead we're buried under massive amounts of data. We're not that interesting.

Great stories are about the most important day of a character's life. It is the day he/she changes. Amazing things happen and nothing will ever be the same. It isn't everyday life. Everyday life is boring.

Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc. encourage meaningless real-time sharing about everyday life and mundane things. The more narcissistic noise we share, the more difficult it is to hear anything important

Great films take years. Twitter take seconds. Which do you prefer?

Instead of uploading a picture of every piece of food you've ever eaten, only upload the meal that gave you food poisoning? I'd like to see that.

Stop sharing everything. Be selective. Stop steering people to the same sights & sounds as Digg and Reddit. Start creating.

Since last Fall, I've been trying to share the most fascinating thing I could curate or create that week. It's time consuming with barely any return on investment. Traffic is in the dumpster, subscribers are down, and every day I think about closing up shop, but in my opinion the site has never been more entertaining. What do you think?

Submarine Style Baseball Pitchers

2009-04-16T11:57:04-05:00

Most pitchers bring the heat overhand, but some athletes are forced to get creative. Chad Bradford has been an MLB pitcher for over a decade. His unusual approach to pitching was suggested by his former high school coach/minister. Bradford was never a superior athlete, but he found a niche to exploit. A sidearm technique that evolved into an underhand delivery. His knuckles practically scrape the ground with every pitch. It looks like he's bowling.

The effectiveness of this approach is measured by the batter's hesitance. Submarine pitchers barely break 85mph on a fastball, but their unorthodox style creates an uneasiness. Batters can't look for the same visual cues to identify pitches. If a traditional pitcher slows up right before the release, chances are a change up is en route. With submarine pitchers these subliminal hints are non-existent. A batter's thoughts become, "I'm going to get pegged in the shin!"

Chad Bradford's technique throws off the competition and defies elbow anatomy.

Minor league pitcher Josh Papelbon.

Instead of a top-down approach, the ball rises to greet them or breaks suddenly. This unusual trajectory forces hitters into ground balls that are easy for the defense to scoop up. Grounders, of course were more difficult in the 1800's before players used gloves.

Shunsuke Watanabe uses a similar style in the Japanese Leagues. To reduce knee injuries, Watanabe uses a custom pad in his right pant leg.

Shunsuke Watanabe lays out a pitch.

One disadvantage to submarine style pitching is the strain it puts on the back. Pitchers can tire out easily and perhaps end up with hurty elbows.

Another angle of Josh Papelbon's pitching style.

Additionally:

Pitchers of Note:

Hedge Fund Productions

2009-04-09T14:12:18-05:00

A hedge fund blesses souls with obscene wealth. It spoils them with lavish cheese spreads, underwater yachts, and replacement hair made of pure silk. The Brooklyn apartment based Claude S. Dutchy, LLC hedge fund is something entirely different. Their unique approach to hedge funding is chronicled by a mysterious documentary crew (one that's not afraid to follow them into the bathroom). Each 5 min. episode of Hedge Fund chronicles the scrappy upstart firm's rocket rise to the top of the hedge fund stratosphere. Check it out.

"There's nothing more healthy than laughing at being so damn broke in our current state of affairs!" - Tyler Evans (Producer/Actor)