The lifeguard is probably in his mid-20’s, late 20’s maximum. We saw him almost daily because I took my boys to the pool to practice swimming–lest they lose the skills I have paid so dearly to help them acquire over the past three summers.

Was I happy about my attraction to this man young enough to be my son? Well, not really. However, important note: EVERY lady who came to the pool acted giddy, giggly, and all-around annoying while in the presence of Cute Lifeguard. Once there was even a retirement party full of ladies over the age of 55 and 60–one of the ladies constantly flirted with Cute Lifeguard, and all the other ladies joined in whenever the chance presented itself, which was rare since the one lady would NOT leave him alone for three seconds. I’d like to add that I, on the other hand, acted super cool and pretended to not notice Cute Lifeguard at all. In fact, I would suspect if asked, he’d say that single mom with three boys (meaning me) didn’t even realize there was a lifeguard at all. I mean, save that one time I waved at him and immediately tripped over the curb, nearly hurdling my toddler forward out of his stroller–thank goodness for stroller seatbelts (always keep them fastened!!!). That was the ONLY uncool moment. All other moments around him, I was so cool, it was like I had ice for veins.

But alas, summer ended, and Cute Lifeguard went home–I assume to Bulgaria (which I now know LOTS about, you know, not stalking anyone, just out of interest about the country and its dating and marriage customs and stuff). Bye bye, Cute Lifeguard.

So how uplifting to see…Just yesterday I was driving out of our parking lot, and a big huge moving van was parked horizontally across the lot so NO ONE could pass by, as I look up to ask the driver to MOVE so I can get my sons to their classes, GUESS who’s standing there moving himself in for the summer. That’s right–Cute Lifeguard.  I guess he will be supervising our swimming pool again this summer.

I’m super happy about that. I will try to take a photograph of him and post it on this blog. Then everyone will want to visit my blog daily because, it’s just hard not to keep looking at him. But you know what? Other than posting his photo on my blog without his knowledge and zooming in on his abs and stuff like that, I will treat him as if his mother were at poolside on a daily basis. For example, I will not flirt with this young man because I am almost old enough to be his mother. I will not stare at him (unless I am wearing my sunglasses.) In fact, I will not look at him at all. Instead, I will bring my Albert Einstein book to the pool and keep my eyes pasted to it. When my eyes are not pasted to the book about Albert Einstein and physics, they will be glued to my Mandarin language books as I memorize vocabulary words in Mandarin while watching my boys practice their swimming strokes.

While all of the other older ladies in our condo flirt with and stare at Cute Lifeguard (pitiful really), I will be diligently planning my children’s summer camps, fall sporting activities, and healthy snacks and dinners and stuff like that.  It’s going to be great.

But uh…I’m still going to wear my pretty swimsuit.

Alright, so general recap: I am a single mom of three wonderful super handsome awesome boys. We moved cross-country about a year ago and loved where we lived in California but are loving the Washington DC metro area just as much–probably more since there’s family here. Other deets: My ex-husband is very nice but for various reasons things are much better now than they were when we were married. He constantly asks me for help with spelling and writing emails and all kinds of stuff like taxes, and that is fine, and we get along great. Um…I can’t think of anything else that’s pertinent to this post, and actually, none of the above is pertinent, but it seemed relevant to throw these tidbits in there.

SO, here are all of the people who have been so super nice to me lately:

1) Very Handsome Neighbor Guy: I noticed this guy the moment when we moved in, and boy, is he good-looking. He is single. He often walks his dog outside, and every time we see each other, he smiles at me, and I like it. I smile at him too. Today he started a conversation with me when we happened to both be heading toward the garbage dumpster, and he was nice. It was fun to finally talk to Handsome Neighbor Guy. Oh…I just realized that talking to me isn’t the type of kindness that warrants being #1 on this list…but I’m mentioning him first because a) it’s the most recent of all listed events and b) he’s so cute.

2)Pakistani Neighbors: There is a Pakistani family who lives by us, and they are SO NICE. The mom and I see each other at the bus stop waiting for our children, and she doesn’t really know English. But she wants to talk, and me too–I have tons of questions to ask about her culture. So she talks to me usually in her language of Pashto–I don’t know any Pashto, but it sure sounds beautiful when she speaks it. Also she and I exchange foods. I send my children over to her house with desserts and fruit, and she sends hers over with the BEST rice and meat dishes in the world. I love them. I hope they never move.

3) Fellow Mom #1: YES. I got a social invitation from a fellow mom. These are few and far between when you’re the new mom in town, and you are far too shy (at first, not always) to stick around trying to talk to parents at school events and things. No way, too scary. I like this mom. She has children the same age as my boys.

4) Fellow Mom #2: YES. A really cool mom who I have a ton in common with has been talking to me a lot while we wait to pick up our kids. It is not fun waiting alone every day. This lady is so neat. She has a business, she has a website, she has three boys. Hi. Me too.

5) Really Nice Plumber: Ok, this is sort of a long story. BUT I had this big huge board that’s 4 feet by 7 feet and needed 1 inch sawed off the top of it. SO, these plumbers are fixing this thing nearby, and I have talked to the guy in charge–his name is Sam–before and know he does other types of maintenance. So I asked Sam if he happened to have a saw (it felt embarrassing to ask a plumber that, but my intuition said he might have one–and by gosh, he did.) SO he sent one of the workers over to saw this board. Sam and the worker were SO NICE. Dang.

6) Ruby the Cleaner: Ruby is the lady in charge of the cleaning crew for our condos–the outside areas, not inside of course. Anyway, my toilet got clogged up, and I had no plunger. So I called Sam–the guy in #4. His crew was working far away that day, so he gave me Ruby’s number and told me to ask her to borrow a plunger. CRAP…who borrows a plunger? But I had no car at that time, so few choices. SO I called Ruby, and within five minutes, she showed up at my condo with a plunger and said I can have it.

8 ) Billy: Billy has such a nice voice and sounds like he’s from Tennessee. You have to love that. He works for Ruby. So, I asked Billy if he does handywork on the side, and he said yes. He came to help me dismantle this big bulky piece of furniture and take it to the dump. THEN the next day at 10:30pm, Billy called me. I thought, “Oh no…why is he calling me so late at night?” I mean, who calls at 10:30pm? BUT turns out he was calling to tell me my car lights were still on. NICE. Thanks, Billy, you saved the day (see #9–this was the day that would have been ruined had Billy not called).

9) My sister: Ok, so Saturday two of my boys had soccer games at 11:30am…uh, hi, how am I suppose to do that? My sister came and rescued me. I drove her with one son to the location of his game, and I took the other to his game. Not only THAT, but THEN she stayed forever after that so I could take a long walk AND go to the store. She acted like it was all easy too. That’s what I call love.

Is this list boring? My sister keeps telling me to blog about my life right now. I think I’m having trouble with that because I don’t feel that most things going on make good blog material. I mean, hi, wanna hear the story about how I burned dinner the other day? Yeah, I didn’t think so. But there are a few topics I want to share. And these people made such a huge difference in the past several days–it’s so amazing how a kind deed like sawing a board can totally relieve stress and completely change the course of the entire day or week ahead.

I can’t believe it. I haven’t been swimsuit shopping for years. Last year I ordered one swimsuit online, got it, it looked stupid, and I just wore my old one (like 11 years old to be exact, but I never swim, so it’s like new). But anyway, here’s my news:

I found a bathing suit that looks totally good on me.

YES. Everyone’s going to be asking me out on dates when I wear my bathing suit this summer at our condo pool. It’s going to be crazy.

Too bad the only people who go to our pool are old ladies, and at least two of those are a lesbian couple. BUT there is also the really nice young Bulgarian, tanned, blond, strong 20-something-ish lifeguard who works at our pool. Well, I mean, he worked there last summer, so he should work there this summer too–don’t you think?

But dating conflicts with my vision of my future. I’m seeing lots of charity work, time spent with my children, and hopefully some type of business getting developed for profit, but maybe also for charity purposes. Nothing against really good-looking young guys, but I want to do fulfilling things–read, volunteer, learn new languages, study about religion…ok, I mean study about UFO sightings and NDEs (you know, near death experiences when people die and see the light and have a life review and learn all of the secrets about life–I just said “study about religion” to make myself seem cultured and upstanding after all this swimsuit talk…sorry I lied)…Where was I? Oh, yeah, so anyway, I like looking at the Bulgarian lifeguard sometimes, but dating has no meaning, no draw.

DANG IT. Of course I find my pretty swimsuit just at the time in my life when dating and romantic love cease to interest me.  That’s not to say I will never date again, but I’m feeling pretty distinctly that the likelihood is low. Ok, so now I see we need an update on the men in my life. Let’s rephrase that: I see we need an update on the men who are not in my life. That entry will follow. Maybe right now.

Till Like Do Us Part
This story tells how a newlywed husband made a low-key marriage ceremony even lower-keyed by disappearing right after “I do”!

Putting Your Heart Into a Relationship
Oh dear…this is a line from an anniversary card a husband has written himself. Keep writing those anniversary cards, Casanova!

Wow! It’s stories like these that make me thankful I am not seeking romance in any way, shape, or form! Well, still, the cute thing that stands out in these stories is, hey, at least these guys are trying! I mean, sure, their attempts at romance probably hurt their partners’ feelings a great deal–but not every man is a natural-born Romeo! Maybe it’s times like these that the thought is truly what counts (since the actual words really didn’t do the trick).

Oh dear. I just watched Steven Tyler singing the National Anthem. And by “singing,” I mean…well, I mean singing, if you will. It’s right here for anyone who who’s in the mood to feel REALLY tense and worried before a few select song lines. Then to roll your eyes and feel kind of weird after hearing those select song lines.

Why does this guy irritate me so much? Could it be that I loved him so much in high school, and due to things like this, I actually irritate myself so much? Or could it be that he paints his fingernails black, something that only “Goth” high school (or middle school?) students should be excited about? I don’t know. He just really annoys me. It also annoys me that apparently he has girls lined up to go out on dates with him–I know, I know, girls like rich guys. But come on…there are rich guys out there who are much, much, much less annoying than this dude. (Ha! Effective word choice because remember “Dude Looks Like a Lady”? Yeah, guess who wrote it. Steven Tyler, the dude who looks like a lady in the above photo.)

SO, I really don’t believe in people bashing. I’m not sure why I am breaking my rule to bash Steven Tyler. I think this version of the National Anthem was just…ridiculous, and thereby pushed me over the edge. BUT since I don’t believe in people bashing, I am going to end this post on the most positive note ever. Here are some amazing, unique traits that Steven Tyler has:

1. No matter where he is or what he is doing–David Letterman interview, singing the National Anthem, at a concert–Steven Tyler is always dressed like a pirate, yet always looks like a woman. Who else can manage that?
2. Steven Tyler looks like that (see above photo), yet has had like 10 wives. Plus, by his own admission, countless lovers. That combination of truths is impossible–yet he somehow accomplished each despite the other.
3. Steven Tyler is the father of Liv Tyler, one of the most graceful, beautiful actresses in all of Hollywood. Well, at least he has a legacy now. Aside from pirate costumes, I mean.

Mmmm, ok that’s all I can think of. Sorry for being mean. Also, sorry if you love Steven Tyler. I’m sure you have your reasons (such as that you really love pirate costumes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA. Sorry).

PS. Ok, I just thought of an actual positive point!!! Yay! Steven Tyler wrote “Dream On.” (Sing with me, sing for the years, sing for the laughter, sing for the tears…YouTube link here.) Really, that’s a great song. AND I deleted the mean joke I just made about Steven Tyler thereby ending on a positive note! Yay!