1) Actions speak louder than words. This is a major one. My husband lives by this rule. No one can fool him. He can always spots a crook, a smoozher, a liar, but also a kind-hearted soul or person in need. He watches actions not words. I have learned to do that too, and it has made life much more predictable for me.

2) Confrontation is useless–but so is doing nothing at all. I used to confront everything. Then I realized, that’s dumb. By “confrontation,” I mean basically verbal confrontation. Problems must be solved. Injustices must be handled . But trying to solve things by verbally teaching or telling people seems very ineffective compared to the ways my husband handles things–he never confronts, yet he always “wins.”  I need a whole new post to detail how he goes about problem-solving without confrontation, but for now, suffice to say he is peaceful, and rather than trying to teach people how to be nicer to him or more fair, he just finds ways around those people (or situations). I’m not a postergirl at these methods, but I’m learning.

3) Everyone tries to do a good job, even people who fail miserably at it. That my husband feels this way makes him sound kind of soft. He’s not. He’s very stoic and unemotional. But he does have the interesting view that evilness in people is like a folly that they can’t really help…when people act evil, usually their perspective is so unhealthy that they truly have no idea they’re being evil. So, if mean or rude people could be better, they would. But since they can’t, it’s easiest to just let them be what they are (even if it’s evil) and just focus on you. (By ‘can’t’ I don’t mean they don’t have a choice. I mean for whatever reason, they don’t know how to enact that choice.)

4) Being normal is not as important as it seems. My husband doesn’t really know the basic rules–like when normal people wake up, what they eat, what they wear, and so on. So he doesn’t follow these “rules.” This used to REALLY freak me out. But I’ve realized that it’s not all about being normal. It’s about being real, which he is. I dated normal guys before I met him. They just seemed and looked normal. But they had problems that would have been really strange and irritating. (I posted about them here.)

5) Minding my own business is key. No one is ever mean to my husband. Now, part of that is probably that he looks like a rather frightening criminal. BUT the other part is that he doesn’t give people reason to bother him. He’s nice, and when friends and colleagues talk, he listens, but he never tries to impose his viewpoint. He keeps his distance, and he minds his own business. It works well for him. I’m more social than he is, but I learned from him not to focus on what other people are doing. For example, at work I used to get really irritated when people took 3 hour lunch breaks. I learned–hey, that’s not my business. And life is much easier when I don’t worry about other people’s lunch breaks. That’s the beauty of never working as a manager.

6) It’s fine when people get mad. This is a point I may have learned in any marriage since you’re bound to get mad at each other. When my husband is mad, he stays mad for a long time. Sometimes he gets mad for justifiable reasons–such as when I used to chain smoke and curse a lot–I mean, not a huge deal, but whatever, I see why changing that could be better so I did…BUT he also gets mad about really stupid stuff. Like when he somehow thinks I’m suppose to wake him up in the morning as if I’m a walking alarm clock…This is a situation where he’s mad, but I’ve done nothing wrong. In these scenarios, I learned not to care and just to let him be angry and get over it. It’s not about whether he (or any person) is mad–it’s about whether I’ve done something that’s right or wrong. If I am wrong, I try to fix it. If I did nothing wrong, I move on with my day and have fun. But before marriage, I was not able to feel at peace with this. I’m glad I learned.

Okay, I had like 10 things to list, but it’s now 1:00am. So I need to go to bed. I’m not sure I like this post. It feels rather preachy and irritating to me, but I really wanted to share things I’ve learned from my husband because there are so  many of them–and they have helped me and bettered me as a person. (Note: The next post about how I play immature mind games with my mother-in-law. Hopefully, that will remedy any unintended preachiness that is displayed in this current post.)

First, I don’t communicate with her. By this I mean, I send her about 2 emails per year–in response to emails she sends to me. YET even so, she manages to fit in some negative insults about anyone and everyone–even people I don’t even know, several compliments to herself about various qualities she feels she has, and generally one or two lies. Occasionally there will be a request for help–despite of course, her refusal to help us in any way AND feel sorry for herself because of this.

So recently, it happened again. She sent an email to me, and I responded to it, and the discussion went downhill fast. First she said something about how she finally is home where she can use the internet again and email me. (Like this is going to make me happy. Like this is going to make anyone happy. Believe me, anyone who gets email from this lady is very, very sad she’s back home with internet access. But it’s not like we can just tie her up and lock her up somewhere with no internet access–after all, if we COULD do that, we would.)

Next she explained how her daughter’s getting a divorce from her horrible husband, and oh, (I’m quoting), “I didn’t get involved at all. Not at ALL. But he screamed at me. He screamed at my daughter from the beginning, and now he even screams at me. I told both of them that this is just no way to live…” and then continued to demonstrate the degree to which she was not involved in their separation. As she told this story, she kept repeating things like how tolerant she has been of her daughter’s husband and how she stayed out of it. In addition to this, she slipped in few negative comments about her daughter, and many additional negative comments about her daughter’s husband. (Both of them are very normal people and very nice.)

My FAVORITE part was next–when she said, “Holly, it’s different with me and you.” (Really? Oh yeah, because you and I like each other…gotcha). Holly, I consider you my own. (Really? You do? Is that why you talk behind my back to all of your neighbors and stuff whose kids tell me about all the nasty things you say? Hahahha. Clearly, they have NO IDEA what they are talking about because you just said you consider me your own. Words mean so much more than actions. They do. I’m serious.) But my daughter’s husband…I just never could consider him my own. (I’m pretty sure he’s okay with that.)

So anyway, her next and last point was a reprimand. No communication from my mother-in-law is complete without some form of reprimand, correction, insult–it is colored with the degree of emotion she feels about whatever she needs to teach you at that moment, as well as her mood at the moment she addresses this ‘issue’ she has with you.

Her issue was that I’d posted family photos, but they didn’t include a photo of my husband. Uhhhh, OK. I hadn’t posted photos in months. The reason is because it’s too time-consuming. I have 3 young boys. One of them is ONE. When I’m not working, I’m chasing that little guy around the house and up and down stairs, fixing dinner, cleaning the house, and doing a million other things. I was thinking she’d write something like “Thank you for letting me see how my grandsons have grown!” But no, it was “They look so wonderful. Yes, it sure is a pity you didn’t include a photo of my son…”

SO, I was forced to employ the secret mother-in-law manuever. I wrote a really smarty pants email to her in response just saying basically can you please EVER be grateful for ANYTHING without your stupid feedback? But that’s not the good part. The next step–and the critical one–is then blocking her emails to me. SO, she will email me a super nasty response back. Will it bounce? No, it will not. She will think I received it. But I WON’T!!! I will continue to live in peace without continuing the discussion. YET, she too will live in peace feeling the got the last word. (To her, the last word is worth living and dying for.)

The beauty…Actually I had the last word–she just doesn’t know it! I’m okay with that. She can think she told me off. I won’t have to worry about her for about 6 more months. Oh, or maybe more depending on when I decide to un-block her emails. It’s aaaallll up to me. I like it.

Okay, but my husband is totally deathly jealous. What does he do when he’s jealous? Nothing really. He doesn’t accuse me of anything. He doesn’t even ask questions. He just gets all quiet and irritable and keeps insisting he’s not jealous. Then he’ll make un-funny jokes about the thing he’s claiming not to be jealous over. This is highly annoying, so obviously, I avoid it whenever possible.

BUT once recently, I made a few decisions that lead to a rather precarious situation that made my husband VERY jealous and probably quite angry. This was when I attended this meeting at work, and after the meeting there was a social gathering–most people, including me, stayed.

Problem #1: I was rushed all day, and I didn’t have time to eat anything. So, by the social thing at 6pm, still no food.

Problem #2: One of my female colleagues brought me a glass of wine.

I don’t really drink. Nothing against drinking. I used to drink wine and stuff, but I’m really short, so at some point, I noticed that EVERY time I drink, even if I drink a tiny bit, I get really drunk. And then I start giggling, and then I start chain smoking. See, at about age 25, that started feeling like a total waste of time. (Why giggle and chainsmoke when I could be doing something?) Anyway, when my female coworker brought me the glass of wine, for some reason, I thought, “Oh, it’s been so long since I’ve had red wine, I’m sure I can drink a ton of it without getting giggly and chain smoking NOW.”

That was so stupid. I drank half the glass of wine, and I was tipsy. And since I was tipsy, I kept drinking anyway and not really thinking it through…Before long, I got pretty drunk.

Problem #3: I started talking to this male coworker (not Hot Boss, don’t worry. Won’t go anywhere near him when drunk, no siree). We were discussing this aspect of our work I want to learn more about. (This is true. I have no interest in that male coworker, though he’s nice, and I guess probably many people would call him attractive–whatever, he was talking about this aspect of work, and I was really interested in what he was saying.)

Problem #4: So this is kind of funny. When he and I started talking, there were a million people in the room where we were standing. It’s a work area, so tons of people are always in there. But somehow they all disappeared to other places. But I was drunk, so I didn’t notice this.

Problem #5: My husband called me on my cell phone because he’d come to pick me up–but I didn’t answer the phone. I thought oh, it’s okay, he can wait a minute or two while I gather my things, then I’ll just go to the car…So no reason to answer the phone. So I kept listening to what my male coworker was saying about this work topic. Also I was a little giggly.

Then as I’m giggling, holding this glass of red wine, staring at this attractive male coworker in a room with NO other people (which due to the odd lighting, was rather dark by the way), in walks my husband to pick me up. Ha ha! As soon as he surveyed this little scene, he looked like he wanted to hurt someone. (Remember, he already looks scary as is. When he’s jealous, you don’t want to see him.) But, he didn’t say anything. He just asked me if I was ready, and I said I’ll be right there. He went back to his car, and I wrapped up this conversation with my coworker, and went outside to join my husband.

OH MY GOSH. He was so mad that he didn’t speak to me the whole way home. (I, however, was very chatty and talked to him the ENTIRE ride.) I knew he felt jealous, but what could I do? Talk, of course, to make him feel better. Also I REALLY needed a smoke…but there was none to be found in my husband’s car.

I know the scene looked a little suspicious, but give me a break. It’s not like I was holding hands with someone or sitting on his lap. I was TALKING to a guy. See, this is what happens when you work at home all the time on your computer, never drink alcohol, and give up chain smoking. You go to ONE work party, end up in dark room with a man, giggle at a joke he tells, delay answering your husband’s cell phone calls, and suddenly you’re treated like a huge cheater. Goodness.

1. At first, I thought Sexy Boss was sort of dumb, though good at managing people. So, he was handsome–but not intriguing…But as it turns out, he’s super intelligent. Thank heaven for the other details that dull those qualities…more below.
2. Sexy Boss has a girlfriend. She’s foreign. I love foreigners. That kind of made me like Sexy Boss for his perspective, as well as his handsomeness and intelligence. I was beginning not to like all the things I liked about Sexy Boss.
3. Sexy Boss could have a little alcohol dependency thing going on. Talks about alcohol a lot and also seems to drink quite frequently. We love Sexy Boss, but terribly glad we aren’t married to him.
4. Some people in our company use Twitter. Saw a post on there by Sexy Boss about this book he’s reading on why men can’t be monogamous…And his post said something to the effect of how nice that this book was helping him understand himself.

That was so nice to read. Not because I want Sexy Boss to be the cheating type–but because I am so happy to be married to a man who doesn’t need a book to learn how to be monogamous. He just IS monogamous. And he doesn’t need a book to understand himself. He understands what he wants and what he needs and the difference between those concepts.

So, did I stop working REALLY hard so Sexy Boss will think I’m smart? God no! I really want him to think I’m smart. Does that mean I will not spend a very long time making sure my eyeliner looks perfect and my hair looks freshly styled before the next office meeting? Mmmm no. I guess I want Sexy Boss to think I’m smart and pretty even though he is a cheating alcoholic immature motorcycle “non-establishment” type, and even though I’m super happy with my husband.

This makes no sense. I can’t really explain it. Crushes are kind of fun. As long as you’re like me and really good at avoiding the object of your crush like the plague.

I have set a non-blogging record. I think it has been over a month since I’ve posted. Oh, life is crazy! But fun and good. I’m trying new things—-quite ambitious things. So ambitious, in fact, that I’m embarrassed to tell you what they are.  BUT I will definitely let you know if I succeed. If I fail, however, I will make up a lie that isn’t as embarrassing as the truth, and I’ll post that…No, I don’t like to lie on my blog. Only in person. (Hahahahah! So funny…) So anyway, if I never bring up these big, ambitious things I’m trying, you can probably assume that I failed. And in that case, don’t worry, I’m tougher than I look.

And now, let’s move onto the topic of other people’s failures…

Recently, my beautiful little 5 year old started kindergarten. Little guy…The school hosted a 30 minute Meet and Greet for kindergartners the week before school.  Parents brought the students in so they could see their classroom, meet the teacher, and learn about the rules prior to their first REAL day of school. Pretty good idea!

Yep, pretty good idea. And seemingly pretty easy! Unfortunately, I had to make an unexpected trip out of town–and the Meet and Greet fell within that time period. So my husband had to take care of it. I was worried they wouldn’t make it–but they did! My son called me talking about how nice it was, what they’d use to color, and that he made three new friends right then and there. I was relieved. I knew he felt fine about going the next week. All seemed to have gone well.

For the first day of school, I needed to know the teacher’s name to help my son find her room. Of COURSE my husband couldn’t remember. (There’s no excuse for that–it’s just dumb.) So I called the school to ask, and they gave me her name and room number.

I took my son on the first day. We lined up with the other parents. We were at the very back of the line. I noticed the teacher was making her way back to say hello to everyone once again–nice for me since I’d never met her. Then she gets back, shakes my hand, says hello and asks if she’d met us–I explained that I had not been able to go to the Meet and Greet. After we spoke briefly, she went on to speak with the family behind us.

At that point, my son asked, “Who’s THAT?”

I explained that this is his new teacher. His response: “No she’s not. I met my teacher, and that’s not her!”

I double checked the room number, and my notes from the office. They all matched up…Well, it didn’t take too long for me to figure out what happened–my husband took my son to the WRONG teacher’s room…So much for getting our little student warmed up before the big first day!