hypnagogic

2020

2020-01-17T21:48:00.001-08:00

Chewie

ptsd

migraines every day

hope the rest of the year changes

Brain scramble

2019-07-11T17:17:00.001-07:00

In more trigger news. Strong smells are a trigger! I spoke to someone wearing a strong cologne for like 6 seconds, bam, down today.
Looks like I will have to live in a sealed air bubble!

In other news, have you wondered about the carbon foot print of each email, each video streamed on the net, each scroll of the facebook feed?
those numbers are not minuscule, the carbon footprint of digitization!

And in more news, I am still undecided on whether to write a Vegan IP book, or Indian IP book.

And in more more news, the seattle chill is real. When even the young and adventurous and not so introvert crowd has trouble making new friends in seattle, we older, limited activity people dont stand a chance.

Also let me tell you one important thing. If you have pressure cooked Indian food and loved pressure cooked indian food, IP will not live up to that deliciousness. Its a matter of being used to certain things. The texture of the beans is very different when pressure cooked in stove tops because they cook under much higher pressure. The rajma from a stove top pressure cooker is blissss

oh the sun is out. time to walk chewie.

Emotions

2019-04-25T14:18:00.004-07:00

In other news, sudden anger (or even giddy happiness) is now a trigger.

Lol, I can see hubbs is happy. I can't even get angry :)

Oh Hey its 2019

2019-04-05T17:53:00.004-07:00

Another year and I am stuck between several different kind of problems.

Running out of storage on the laptop... like its 2019, this should not be a stress i need to take.

Trying to find solutions in support groups like
.."

What do you all do for being able to sit on chairs.

I can’t balance myself on a chair. It has to be sturdy sofa kind of seating. So even if there are restaurants with low noise/activity that I can go to , I can’t really go because everyone has flimsy chairs.
"

And in answer, everyone pretty much struggles with the same thing.

Why the heck does this vestibular neurological disorder not have enough research and treatment.

Literally the treatments i've heard of so far are not going to cure it,
all range from drugging myself with ssri's or other mind altering meds.
and supplements like magnesium and coq10.

Oh well,... life.

On the other hand, i think i should hire someone locally to manage the every day things for the blog. It might be helpful to have things more organized :) .

2018- wrap up thoughts 1

2018-12-10T23:12:00.002-08:00

If i have to choose between fostering dogs again (we took a break to allow chewie to recover from his cough flare ups) and writing another book, i'd choose fostering.

Esp now, with the way the blogging and book writing world has been evolving these past 2 years. Everyone ripping off everyone, everyone posting all the popular recipes (almost exactly the same)and making a business out of it, cookbooks churning out within months, me having to post those same popular things on the blog too, to stay relevant.
Sometimes this sucks the life out of why I cook.

The other thing that sucks the motivation out is the incredible amount of rudeness and hate online. That is a common theme everywhere, not just blogging. I probably developed oil phobia lately with all the yelling in comments. Its hard to even accept that I like my cookies to be cookies with the oil and sugar.

Between the crazy migrainous year of not being able to spend enough time on the online blog work, and all of the above, may be I am not cut out to be a public person.

Kudos to people who stand their ground.

2018 - ing

2018-08-16T11:42:00.001-07:00

everything could be peri menopause related.(digestion out of whack, headaches, migraines, non functionability on a screen).
ha!

I wish I wish to come back as a Man in my next life. Lol

Also to everyone on the interweb always complaining about white flour and constantly commenting to use all whole grain multi grain etc,.. well white flour works well for some people with digestive issues trying to keep the diet low to moderate fiber. I mean i literally cannot function if i eat whole grain. The rest of the meal has fibre too with the veggies, lentils etc and drives up the overall fiber.

2018 - ingg.....

2018-07-05T18:43:00.001-07:00

Mid year check...
so far its SIBO and the other diagnosis is for my balance issues. Vestibular migraine.
Between a SIBO diet (moderate fibre) and a migraine diet(no chocolate, caffeine, some fermented foods) , i have lost some weight. well i needed to lose some, but i am dying to get back to a state where i dont have to look at the ingredients and just eat whatever i want.. sigh.

2018- ing part 2

2018-05-02T20:53:00.001-07:00

So far, its a toss up between IBS (irritable Bowel Syndrome) and Vestibular Migraines

Both dont have any cures or any causes per say.

Oh well.

2018- ing

2018-03-28T12:17:00.002-07:00

Been a long while since i posted here. I think this space ends up getting some attention when something isnt going ok. Which means things were mostly all good since Sept!

We managed to find a caretaker, who stays with me when hubbs has long days or hikes or travel. We managed to have hubbs travel to Cal a few times. Hooray!
And just generally find more solutions for me to be able to do more things.

And then shit literally hit the fan in feb. I've been down with shit problems (digestion issues, no diagnosis yet, I am hoping its temporary, stressed coz i've been reading too much info on all the possible worst cases - crohns, uc, etc etc). Lets see how this goes. I havent really cooked much new stuff since end of feb. My taste buds are shot. I am keeping myself on a somewhat low fiber diet which eliminates a lot of foods. So if i cant eat all the foods, i dont make the foods. Sigh.

Also, why the hell does everything have to affect my balance. I mean why couldnt it just be bloating + digestion issues, why does it have to make me float and fall and not get any sleep!. ugh

See you all hopefully on the other side of this story.

Book 2

2017-08-10T11:25:00.001-07:00

7 Weeks to go for release. Phew!!

Between the additional work to add metric conversions and nutritional values(it took 2 extra months i think) and co-ordinating and rechecking everything and editing and to and fro with with publisher and everything that goes into making a book, countless hours of working on a machine finally gave me a posture issue.

Darn it. Now its difficult to work longer than an hour on the laptop and I have a backlog of things to do. The problem is that I cannot sit on a chair, so I almost always work on a laptop and on a sofa. Crappy set up catching up to me. And we better spend some time on figuring out a better set up.

k back to exercising for posture since my half an hour is up.

Social Life

2017-05-01T15:29:00.000-07:00

The issue with any kind of limitations, differences, lifestyle that are outside the normal people can do sphere is that it immediately affects the social life. Its not just about differently abled people. Anyone going through an acute issue, pregnancy, baby etc faces similar issues. Some of these are temporary and eventually the normal can do balance is either reached or slightly altered version is achieved.

With social media, atleast I and several other people for whom it is not temporary, can connect with many more people. But there is always a need for more real life social connections. In the past few years, it would be a fight to figure out how to achieve that. It would also get very depressing not meeting any other person for days and weeks. I would then have to force myself to do things. Attending large get togethers even when I knew the after effects would cost me a night and a whole day of being bed ridden. Inviting people over and not enjoying it because of the stress of hosting (house, food etc) or just the stress of holding a conversation.

So in the last year I have decided to let go of some of these expectations of me. It is ok to not have a perfect house, it is ok to not have food to serve to people (order in!), it is ok to not cook for people when they visit, it is ok to not respond to each and every conversation. It is ok to not know everything. It is ok to accept that you are a slower version of yourself.

My brain works overtime all day everyday and it has less resources available to process multiple things. I know now that it drops threads if occupied elsewhere. Like you might notice me either babbling not much sense, or not responding to you at all esp if there are multiple conversations going on. Its not you, my brain just dropped that input. Eventually it might or might not get to it. This generally makes me anxious when I have to talk to new people. But the anxiety only interferes in the things that I can do. Even a little bit of anxiety affects my balance a lot and bad balance can make me more anxious and that just becomes a cycle. If i break that cycle, then i have a high chance of enjoying the event, the conversation and what not.

So this year, I am ok being slow, I am ok not looking all cleaned up and put together, I am ok if not everyone likes me as a person. I am ok babbling, I am ok being me.

A day in life of ...

2017-04-17T15:36:00.002-07:00

A Day in the life of a vegan food blogger 1. Messages sent to my facebook page/ social media with pictures of dead animals 2. comments on the recipes with pictures of dead animals or animals in the process of being killed 3. Needs bacon in comments and messages 4. Comments by Indians getting offended by peanut butter chickpea curry. you know coz chickpeas can only make chole (Indian chickpea curry). 5. Comments by Indians on my Traditional Indian recipes like dals.... gora food (translation..white people's version of food). 6. flour, sugar, soy, oil so awful. this recipe sucks. comments in Caps seriously, cant win the interwebs any day

Vision

2017-03-23T11:54:00.001-07:00

What I see in the world differs every day.

Some days I see 720p i.e I can see the wood groove lines on my living room table. some days its 240p or 360p, where the groove lines are all mixed up because of doublign and tripling in vision.

Today was 720 for a few hours this morning when the sun was out. I was like, omg, I can see the rint on your shirt.

Back to 360 for the rest of the day.

If I dont recognize u from across the block while walking chewie, thats coz you are blurb of blurr.

Just like Dad

2017-02-13T16:55:00.002-08:00

Since the blog has been growing and I need to kind of make a team and delegate things to them and stuff, its becoming a business of its own.

My dad had a tough time when he used to work in companies because of his strong work ethics, opinions preferences etc. So it was hard for him to deal with people who didnt have a similar work ethic or didnt have the capability to challenge his opinions/preferences with facts. So he started his own manufacturing business, coz then he was the boss.
All of those qualities show up when I work with people now, being a stickler for good work, striving for perfection, being a pain in the ass = me :).

Hiring is a hard job indeed. The right people make the work so much easier. People who think ahead and have options already are just fabulous. I think that comes from enjoying what you do. Its a reminder to myself too to just do what I love to do and not be governed by other's expectations.

.....

2017-02-01T13:15:00.000-08:00

I am so sick of this cold which isnt leaving me. been almost 5 days already. ugh
And so sick of whatever is going on with this presidency. Ugh.

Also tired of negotiating again and again with Publisher (he is really nice, but my patience is 0 today). Remind me how bothersome the process is if I ever say I want to write another book. (trivial problems compared to the world, but gotta rant somewhere).

I can't even...

2017-01-28T18:14:00.000-08:00

Love and Loss

2017-01-19T13:59:00.003-08:00

I don't know if its because its the first presidency (President Obama) I followed from start to finish in this country, the debates, the feels, all those years back, or the turn of events that has been and will be, the contrast, the hate, the love,... the person, so well spoken and amazing, the respect. It feels like something is dying. That feeling of loss, so strong.

I can only pray and wish that love prevails..

How?

2017-01-03T13:18:00.002-08:00

I realize that I never actually have long descriptive answers or discussions about why I cannot do certain things.

That means people have to evaluate and come to conclusions based on what they know. So they assume for eg that I do not travel (flight) because I dont have the confidence to. Or like mom who thinks that I am just scared to do it.

It hurts of course when people close to you don't understand things, but thats the nature of the beast. It is difficult to understand certain conditions without actually going through something similar. It is difficult even for hubbs to sometimes understand or plan according to some of the issues even though he sees them frequently. It is understandable that anyone else who meets me a few days in a year or in several years will not have enough information to conclude one way or the other.

So lets take an example of flying. Flying is one word, one event, but for me it breaks down into several smaller problems, each of which needs a solution.

-Getting to the airport. is possible.
- Walking to the checkin and security, difficult. All the long walk on shiny surfaces, with so many people around for stimulation, very difficult. We could mitigate some of these by choosing to fly on a day with less crowd, carrying cushions to sit on for 15 mins and walk etc.
- Get to the terminal, almost not possible. That long a walk is not an option, my balances goes off after a while and I just cannot co-ordinate enough to walk. I have to sit on a sofa kid of place and stabilize for a few minutes. Wheelchair is not an option as sitting in moving chairs is not possible with my current balance. I will fall off, and then what?. Only option is probably the small airport golf car thing, but most airports dont have that and some also have a train joining the terminal, which is currently not an option.
- By some miracle, if we reach the flight, sitting on the flight in those weird chairs is not an option. i will fall off. The plane movement will surely make me horribly sick. oh wait, I forgot claustrophobic too in the small confines. Option is to put me under some kind of sedation. Sedation with things other than benzos, need medical assistance to always be present. Also passengers cannot be sedated while getting off the plane or going through immigration etc. So now what.
- add to this any unknown events, many people, noise levels etc.
- How can I possibly even attempt a flight?

The anxiety and stress when thinking of the word, the event, has a reason, the reason being not having options and solutions.

Its like I am always on a roller coaster. I have always disliked them and they make me sick. The coaster is manageable for some instances, and awful for some, but like any regular person, I do not have a choice to get off the roller coaster. I am stuck on it. There are always new twists and turns and the only way I can handle them and be able to live life without falling into a depression or developing other issues, is if some of those twists and turns are made handleable with options and solutions to rest in between, options to be able to get to a place where I can stabilize.

Here is another simpler example. Sitting on a chair. Thats the most frequent thing that gets said. Why dont you just try to sit on that chair. Sure I can "try". After half a minute, I will start to get a headache and my eyes will start to get weird and not able to focus well, another half a minute later i will be moving constantly trying to balance myself and will get an ear ache, and to manage everything, my body will start to stiffen. Eventually I will fall off the chair or get a vertigo attack and fall off.
I know within the first 5 to 10 seconds if I can balance myself on that chair/sofa, if not, then i just get up. I also already know now after being this way for 11 years, what chairs just dont work. So trying is just going to make me miserable.

There might be other people with similar problems who can do more. They might have found medicines that work for them for things like flying, they might have a higher threshold when it comes to vertigo/balance issues. But there might be other things that they cannot do. Everyone is different, has different problems and different limitations. Whether one has a health issue or not, every person cannot climb mount Everest, everyone cannot swim, every single person cannot drive, everyone has different fears and capabilities etc. And judging people has never helped anyone.

When you see someone struggling with anything, instead of assuming that they are not strong enough, not intelligent enough or whatever enough, reach out and help. We might think that this one thing is super easy, then why is this person struggling. But for them it might be the toughest task at hand.

2016 to 2017

2017-01-03T12:00:00.001-08:00

As the food blog gets bigger, I seem to have to think a lot before posting personal thoughts and opinions. I am passionate about quite a few things, but there are other perspectives of the same passion and my words or the way I put them out there might not resonate with all the readers. In the world of social media, unfiltered thoughts and emotions, there is enough out there to add to the confusion, emotion or just content for consumption.

2016 has been an interesting year. Among the many things, we (hubbs and I) learnt to accept life how it is and find solutions based on that, we also worked together on the blog and related work and learnt to work together (delegation, boundaries etc). I also learnt that in this new age of social media, there are ways to connect with the happenings around us at several levels, there are ways to get informed, to be deeply affected, to see so many perspectives, end up with unbridled emotions flowing freely from every where.

Most of this was happening before 2016 too, with things like first few years of transition to veganism that are emotional for many, leading to a lot of anger, frustration, despair,, strong passion on other causes or events. But 2016 is when everything seems to have reached a crescendo, with the incredible amount of strong emotion out there. 2016 got us thinking about the many things. I learnt that there are many types of people, with many views and perspectives and emotional range, over a large spectrum, which is not always black and white (be it a cause like veganism, politics/election or other).

I learnt that it is difficult to grasp certain complex issues. I often need a lot more reading, information, discussions to understand some viewpoints. I learnt that there is so much more to be done and there is so much more I can do, about the issues that I feel strongly about, and about the issues I understand in some ways even if not entirely, that need support. So onwards into 2017 with hope and motivation to know more and do more. There are so many amazing people who are battling incredible problems and issues every single day and making a change, a positive change to someone's life. Those are the people I would like to be motivated by, those are the people I would like to be.

Peppen

2016-11-03T15:20:00.001-07:00

So we started fostering again and our first foster is Peppen from Red Waggin rescue.

He is a 6 month old cuti puppy who is a bundle of energy.

He knows come, sit and is learning stay, here, load up (into the crate) and we ae also working on his marking as he just got neutered.
Did I mention he is a bundle of energy? Proof below

He is also very respectful of other dogs, people and children. He loves everyone and gives loads of kisses. He will sit in your lap and fall asleep.
He does not bite. He didnt even fight or try snap at this humping dog who was constantly trying to hump him on the walk with his dog walker. He is an all around super sweet dog. He has pomeranian characteristics just like our dog chewie.

He is a puppy and needs a lot of play time during the day, mental stimulation with training commands, walks, running in the yard, playing with toys. He is food motivated and wants to please, so he learns quickly (with treats and love). He will also need to get out to pee every 2-3 hours as he is a puppy. Ideal home for him will be where he has someone available in the house for most of the day. He stays well inthe crae, but for longer periods I would suggest an xpen with his crate in the pen.

He can be visited at our home in Seattle. I am going to miss this guy once he is adopted.

Here is how you can adopt him

Things on my mind

2016-10-11T14:33:00.001-07:00

Crude vs Against the law(link)!

-------

Trying to a find a test that I can do to look into my sinuses. CT scan did not work as I cannot lie down flat. Waiting on other options from the ENT( If I can reach them (hello Swedish))

Last week we went to try the CT scan at Polyclinic. The nurse technician was incredibly sweet and adjusting. She tried to help in every way. Setting up the pillow, moving me very slowly into the scan etc (this compared to the one who sedated me for my scans and angio many years ago and gave me ptsd with all the shoving, crowding, robotic treatment).
But my position (2 pillows under the head) doesnt work for a sinus scan. The radiologist came to meet us and suggested doing it under sedation. hubbs tried to tell him to stop explaining that as we already know whats involved, but he continued for another minute. Empathy dude.

Anywho..

Lately I have been getting more questions on the blog and facebook page about if people can substitute the non dairy milk, non dairy yogurt, vegan butter, flax egg with their non vegan (dairy, eggs) counterparts. Hmm, these questions are being asked on veganricha.com, on a recipe that says vegan something. I can see why things aren't obvious. Many blogs post vegan recipes and label them vegan, but the rest of the blog is not vegan. But my blog is called Vegan Richa for a reason. And a question about subs will get a response from me about why I use vegan options and what is wrong with the non vegan product.

And to end this random rambling...

Trump did not just "say" things people, He "did" them and he sees nothing wrong with "doing" them or bragging/saying all that he did or will do.

Food for thought - or the yeast?

2016-09-08T16:31:00.002-07:00

Dairy ends up being the point of contention for many people trying to transition to a less animal product heavy diet. All that cheese, butter, cream, ice cream, cream cheese, and what not are hard to make alternates of that are exactly the same in texture and flavor.

Why eliminate dairy?

What do I substitute it with?

There are so many brands of non dairy milk now in the market. Soy milk, almond milk, coconut Milk, rice milk, Hemp Milk, macadamia nut milk, hazelnut milk, Oat milk, mixed milks. Brands Almond breeze, So Delicious, Silk, califia farms, pacific and many more.

There are many brands that also offer vegan cheeses such as Miyoko's kitchen, Tree line, Chao Field Roast, Daiya, Follow Your Heart, Tofutti and so on.

Many Ice creams as well made with coconut milk, cashew milk, almond milk etc. Brands so Delicious, Nada Moo, Coconut bliss, soy dream, almond dream and many local brands.

Or you can soon find milk made by yeast which is basically dairy milk as it uses the cow's dna sequence. Animal Free Cow's milk!

Why kill a cow and calf when we have so many options!

Wait there is more.
Cows are often killed by the dairy industry to keep milk prices high! This was revealed in a nationwide class-action lawsuit against dairy cooperatives, groups of farmers who pool their supplies but, as a whole, serve as middlemen between the farmers and dairy processors. The settlement was $52 million. The cows are not going to see a penny of that.

The Us government gives billions in $ to the diary industry in subsidies. Because of falling demand, they also bought $20 million worth of cheese.

Hypocrisy?

2016-09-08T13:53:00.000-07:00

Often I will see questions or statements like the following on forums and discussions. Here is what I think about them.

Q: You are a hypocrite if as a vegan you use an iphone or laptop or drive a car or... enter whatever other..

This is basically the similar to the question or statement - why do anything, since one cannot do everything. Everyone is a hypocrite in one way or the other. A person or an issue can have a higher priority for some while the same issue can have a lower priority for the other. A family member will have a higher priority than someone else. Most issues or problems are not really comparable. They are all either connected in some way or are completely different. As a vegan, a person is trying to tackle One of the problems of animal exploitation and commodification. During the life as a vegan- human, many of the connected issues might surface as well, they might be better understood and actions might be taken. LGBT, women's rights, child labor, cheap labor. Many of these are tied together by the concept of rights and equality.

I digress. For the above question, Sometimes it also helps to look at the scale of the problem. People buy Consumables like electronics once in a couple of years. Not all people buy or use the products however. They might come from factories where laborers are exploited. In comparison, one eats animals and animals products a few times daily which leads to 59 Billion animals being killed per year. 59,000,000,000 animals per year, 161643835 per day, 6735159 per hour, 112252 per minute, 1870 per second. If one doesnt want to think of the animals at all, Factory farms also count for incredibly high rates of worker exploitation.

Another point to note is the demand and availability of alternatives. As a vegan, one can omit all animal and animal products and eat well on plants, fruits, legumes, grains, nuts and seeds. With constant demand, now there is also a huge collection of alternatives to animal products, non dairy milks, fake meats etc. With increasing demand and pressure the factories and exploitation of works in any of the electronic consumables industry will go down or alternates will surface.

Do what one can do, instead of pointing out xyz that someone missed in the bigger picture of actions. For eg, If someone sees a neighborhood kid being abused, they might do something, from taking pictures to document, to calling 911, to intervening then and there, anything. Now would you go upto that person who is helping and say - hey man, you are hypocrite for saving that kid, coz you know, you have an iphone, or man millions are dying in another part of the world. So whats the use really?

The use is that that kid that got saved. The use is that that dog that was adopted from the shelter, his life changed completely. The use is that that animal who did not die to be on someone's plate.

Q: What about insects, animals dying during farming because of pesticides, or side effect of agriculture (machines, processing etc)

Vegan-ism is about reducing suffering and exploitation of animals as far as possible. There is a sideeffect of some number of living beings getting hurt or dying because of huge operations in many industries. As far as farming is concerned, the world would need far less farm land, resources and food production to be done if everyone just ate plants. Animal agriculture uses 100s or 1000s of times more plant food to sustain the animal, and produce animal based food. That means 100s of times more farms and 100s of times more side-effected animals getting hurt as a result of more farms. We are currently growing enough food to feed more than 10 billion people, but most of it is fed to farm animals being raised for food.

The World Bank estimates that 91% of the land deforested in the Amazon since 1970 has been cleared for grazing. Raising cattle for food requires far more land than growing plant-based foods directly for consumption. It also is a substantial contributor to greenhouse gas emissions, a bigger share than all of transportation according to the UN.

So in all, 100s times less number of animals will have to suffer to make plant food for the population.

Tears

2016-08-18T13:49:00.000-07:00

I am quite an emotional person. Tears will leak out of my eyes at anything, any video of someone doing something really nice for someone else, some recovery or rescue stories of animals, or even a movie.

I watched a video of a woman's wedding with the person who was giving her away was the person who received her dad's heart when he passed away in an accident some years before. I mean serious tap action.

The other day we were at a new dentist's office. And they were being so nice, saying they would try and adjust to however my seating needs are etc, take breaks and so on. and a few minutes into the discussions hubbs says, don't be so nice to her, she will tear up :) and that I did.

How many times do you find people who are ready to help you outside of their comfort zone. Taking extra time, adjusting and so on are all time intensive activities, they possibly cannot charge for and also difficult on the person. For this reason and the adjustment needed (bending and working etc as I cannot lay flat on the dentist chair), more than half the dentists send me back with either they cant do it, or it would be easier if i just went under anesthesia for all dental work. Atleast they are honest instead of subjecting me to appointments and pushing me to adjust etc.

Life.

The good and the bad

2016-07-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

The good stuff. We had an amazing 7 weeks with family visiting.

The bad stuff, they left, so now i have to get back to eye exercises. some new stuff with a polarized glass. ie. crapped out eyes and vestibular system. Why cant things be simpler. Sigh.