I-AM-MEAN d0t com

New Website ThrashNTrash.com

I am introducing a brand new website:
ThrashNTrash.com
It is a No Holds Barred Free For All Post anything website without CENSORING!

Enjoy!

Drunken Thumbs Up

Drunken thumbs up Goat is now an IAM meme.

That is all.

Kitty Cat Drowning, Take 2

This was originally a comment on my Kitty Cat Drowning story from last year, and since the person decided to just make it a comment without posting it as a story, I've taken it upon myself to share the mean. Enjoy!

This reminds me of a Christmas long ago, when I was five. My stepfather had just moved into our house and we had a nice black/white/tan cat called Topsy. My stepfather didn't like cats, especially when they slept on his sweater and got it covered in cat hairs. So he got a large deep metal bucket which he filled with water and summonsed my mother me and grandparents to watch. My memory is of everyone being very careful not to upset him, whilst pleading courteously for the cat's life. He was holding the cat by the scruff of the neck and he suddenly plunged it deep into the bucket and held it as its tail flicked and quivered and was finally still. "Pity it couldn't learn to breath through its tail" he said smiling affectioniotely at me. How I hate that man.

Peein On People (Part 3)

So, I was staying at my friend's place during a two week visit down in Ohio. I hadn't had much to drink this time (compared to the other two times) so it was a bit of a surprise.

But anyway! Drunk and tired, me, said friend and his boyfriend all conked out on their bed. Apparently, at some point in the night, I grabbed my friend's pants from the side of the bed and put them at the head, dropping them in such a way that they were in a pile (thankfully, I'd rather not scrub my own urine out of the carpet).

I said "OKAY!" and got on my knees atop the trouser-pile with my pants half off, just letting it hang out and peed on the pants, as well as getting a good deal on myself. While I was going, the friend woke up thinking it wasa dog and yelled "HEY!", which, of course, did nothing to stop me. Afterward, I had the wits about me to take my soaked pantaloons off (down to the ankles, of course, but we can't expect miracles, here) and laid back down.

Good times in Ohio!

Excuse me, Sis...Would these be yours, by chance? ;)

Ok, my sister has, like, NO tits.

It's like her life's biggest, most crushing let down. And, it's made her into a "cutely" giggling, yet completely backstabbing, two-faced bitch, too.

She tried to turn having no-tits into a modeling career. But, she basically learned that just because you have long hair and buy yourself a plastic nose (that looks even more fake on you than on a Mrs. Potato head), doesn't mean that companies will be ringing your phone off of the hook in order to have a walking ironing board, with ski-sized feet, model their products for them. (Except, maybe, for companies, like Black & Decker, who manufacture irons for pressing clothes...then, you could model the shirt while it's being ironed...).

The hilarious thing about her is that she grew up being told, by a bunch of homely female shut-ins, with poor hygiene, how pretty she is. (Yeah, "pretty" flat-chested). Sure, to them. Due to being lied to in this cruel way, she's never really admitted to herself what a big, homely-looking goof she actually is. In fact, she's actually become a bit stuck up while becoming as reclusive as they are. (No competition that way). She actually reminds me, just a bit, of the attached picture. She's also untalented and not very bright, in general. (But, thanks to Affirmative Action, she gets to pretend that she is...)

I, OTOH, got the good genes: looks and brains. Through the years, she's stuck her share of mean, jealous knives in my back, due to this hatred. More than I ever really knew. So, anytime I've gotten the chance to get even with this gangly "competitor", I've swiftly availed myself of the good fortune.

Such a moment of vengeance arrived at a time that I was once present while she was picking up some of her belongings that were stored in old boxes. For whatever reason, I was going through one of them, and the strangest two flesh-colored objects practically rolled into my hand. Other flesh colored objects - similar, in nature - had been known to roll into my hands ...but, not like these.

How do I describe them? If memory serves me correctly, they were bent back into a somewhat triangular, yet, cupped shape. As soon as I saw them, my mind immediately made an intuitive jump (a Man has his ways of "knowing"...you know). There ...before a room of people..... I held these items before me. I spoke her name. Feigning confusion, I inquisitively proclaimed "What are THESE?" ...turning them around with my fingers, so as to study them with evidenced curiosity.

With the speed of a bathing Artemis, she grabbed them out of my hands. In a very annoyed tone of voice - she snapped, "They were for a JOKE." I asked "But, What are they?" a couple more times. Apparently, her temper had gotten the better of her, and, I was to be accorded no answer to my, rather, valid question. I laughed.

...I had discovered a pair of falsies in my sister's belongings. Booohoooo!

I am mean doesnt like me.

Seriously... Auth image = Gaybo? Thanks!

Managing annoyances

I have this employee at work that just annoys the hell out of me. He never shuts up. He is one of those people who talk alot but never really says anything. I can only tolerate him for about 5 minutes at a time.

In order to deal with him I made up a job assignment that doesn't exist. I basically have him watch packages go by all day and I tell him to watch for something each day, just something random to keep him busy and keep him out of our area. He hasn't caught on yet but at least I don't have to deal with him.

Peein On People (Part 2)

So, as the last post indicated, I am a sleep walker. Drinking alcohol in excess has caused this to be retriggered since my childhood.

Anyway, I was drinking with my roomie and my father and we were having a great time when I conked out due to excessive intake. Was asleep on the couch.

Apparently, and again I have no recollection, I woke up after about two hours and stood up. My father was also asleep, my roomie was looking at me with a look of "Um...".

I whipped out my ding ding dong and proceeded to start peeing on my father's leg. He woke up about mid-stream and started yelling and I murmured a "Shhhh...".

He got up and I continued to urinate on the hardwood floor for about two more minutes before laying back down.

Moral of the story? If you wake up with your pants undone, you probably peed.

Peein On People (Part 1)

So, little known fact about me is that I sleep walk. I used to do it alot as a child, but upon finding the glory and beauty that is alcohol, I've found that being drunk before going to sleep triggers it.

That aside, let me tell you a story about a bitchy ex girlfriend to whom I accidentally-on-purposely gave what she deserved.

I was drinking. Alot. She had me in a state where alcohol was just the only thing that could put me in a state where I could deal with the relationship. Weak-minded and silly, I know, but that's the long and short of it.

At any rate, I was drunk as hell before going to sleep, and apparently, according to reliable reports, I stood up in the middle of the night and staggered to the corner of my bed and proceeded to whip out my twanger and start to pee. In her brand new shoes.

She woke with a start and clicked on the light and started to scream obscenities (understandably), but it was too late. I had filled her shoe(s) with my golden vengeance and it was pooling beneath our rug at the food of the bed. She stormed out of the room and I just buttoned up my pajamas and laid back down.

We broke up a few weeks later.

Two Cybering Cheaters

About seven years ago, there was a chat room that I used to enjoy dropping into from time to time in order to fuck with some of the lonely assholes there. There were two weirdos who were both cheating on their S/O's, slowly trying to get the nerve to hook up.

...Enter: Cupid's Evil Twin. One time, I decided to clone the account of the fat, ugly trailer park bitch who was trying to gold-dig him, when she wasn't around. The idiot, who was pretending to be a rich, retired lawyer fell for it completely. Before long, the whore was practically scheduled to fly out to meet up with him as soon as he bought the tickets. Next time I came in, I had totally screwed her plan. That gave me my laugh for the day.