I Am Bitch Pentameter... typical bad poetry blog.

flame

2014-05-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

nobody knows what love I mourn for.
of all the mortals I once adored;
I have not for them, ever, lit this candle before.

no one can know whose love I mourn for.
that bittersweet day they rose above my floor,
this stranger I can not forget since they darkened my door.

a promise to stay with some requirements to name,
a light, my heart, deals broken, but still here is this burning flame;
n'er beckons, no calling, now only burns to convince I'm insane.

all things being equal, small comforts, I know I will remain.
these tricksters are trifling, but are they to blame?
most days I am quiet, but some I am hard to restrain.

nobody knows this love I mourn for.
so many mortals have not seen them before.
for once as a witness... and reality tore.

I wish I could know whose love I mourn for.
gone are the blurred days on my knees begging for mercy on the floor,
so strange I still care for his visage that darkened my door.

October 4, 2010

contagious

2014-05-10T20:00:00.000-07:00

I was fragile still hopeful

you seemed kind and noble

said you were not flawless

somehow you made my life lawless

through all this his image resembled

I fell short in pieces you dissembled

accepting this stranger

did my salvation endanger

was he created blameless

only to make me feel nameless

incurring a debt

no prince could come to correct

my life long devotion

brushed off with a dust of emotion

quick to judge as a danger

left to die far away in a manger

his faith was contagious

thought my frailty courageous

enough to steal praise

kept the grin on my face for days

love I can not rescind

even towers give way in the wind

mind your still water gauges

kings watch fools play on thrust stages

in a crowd with no others

your wings sprung new colours

books blew open our rib cages

words silenced, out fell all my pages

long ago and again was this actress

not braving the precipice

new born sage under cover

instead he crawled back to his lover

you won't see, this rhythm, a melody

stays with me. constantly.

my words now, not enabled

disabled all I was once capable...

message delivered you found me disturbing.

a way to decipher your herds unnerving

a sudden encasing sending me reeling,

disgracing this craving you accepted no feeling

commonly assuming for him I was grooming

my descent impending a sad ending looming

smiles backed by derision with no more choices
forced my decision to slip though the voices

enlisting the vision as egos glisten

insisting on only one mission they never listen
waiting eyes fading, though my mind's illuminating,
may this be the last time of this ascending beginning.

August 2011

well

2014-05-06T18:28:00.001-07:00

I always knew I always know
yet still I can not help but go go go...
assumed such kindness tends to grow
seemed sure of unclear depths below
a leap inside a wishing well
what fool would catch me if I fell
in the water could see was my own spell
no matter now whose truth we are to tell

like

2014-04-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

like it don't like it
now that you've tried it
sure of all there is to see
on the screen as you read me

I glance at that grin
will once wearing thin
for the state I am in

flaunt it don't flaunt it
just 'cause you caught it
you sure that I need you
in the way that I please you

that sheepish grin
we will not begin again
in the state I was in

want it don't want it
you broke it I bought it
with a box made of tin
you know not of where I have been

swell

2013-12-15T07:24:00.000-08:00

let it out let it in
give a whisper
say my name
just like that
in my ear
oh my my sweet...........
oh my my dear
do that thing
we...........do
can you hear me
I can feel you
from miles away
my head it rings
my heart it races
the rush and flush
my skin is pink
you know I swell
I buckle I may I sway
what if what if I fell
begin to think...........
you better hurry
there has to be.......
can you stay
if we choose
there is a way

confidences

2013-12-01T23:26:00.000-08:00

a song, a wind with a tale to tell…

a thought, these thoughts, I always remember so well.

you may see these words and like many, they rattle and ring true;

but dare not think these sounds make me think of you.

no, these things I see, I see from an altered vision,

I put you out; I told you so, but was not for derision.

apt pupils are not the confidences I want to find.

but where and wherefore art those like us, with this strange mind...?

alone. alone? oh, no …promises that we never are.

we are always so close. so close! …and yet so far.

try as I may with all my ore and glowing mettle;

the cook still scalds when chef climbs in his kettle.

indoctrinate with stealthy despot steel,

full bellied pot luck hoarders shall have no meal.

patiently I wait… been so long from last time,

when their whispers return to these hounded ears of mine.

if you should doubt, I would laugh but not at last;

for I cannot help that I have seen your past.

history is not forgot but some shrouds are blocked,

I have never been one to have the keys, but keep doors locked.

but no, they do not humor me in this, my infancy.

I long, I want, I wish then instead for apathy.

silently pout and protest as fall prepares to darken days,

then I, ready… for sleep under their dull, cold ways.

so then to end my marked confusion,

oh how weary I become of their pretty illusion.

nothing to see hear... or reason for concern.

yet I cannot reside to die compliant as dust in an urn.

October 2012

withering

2013-11-14T00:30:00.000-08:00

even when I'm sleeping
I'm keeping
your hushed hidden counts

in between your dealings
the feelings
I try to stifle, they surmount

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm waiting
I'm waiting

impatience, one of many faults
cavalier divine assaults
I, deflecting, defeated, delivering

hearts that could not halt
door of your lips, a vault
me lifting, suspending then withering

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm fading
I'm fading

falling to the earth
was it worth
breathing and this new time-keeping

who knew when I returned
wings I had earned
and memories they were deleting

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm waiting
I'm waiting

girls are not foretold
or crossed and sold
for silver pieces while heavens thunder

so friends that betray
will live long to see the day
when they fall down and burst asunder

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm fading
I'm fading

July 2011

blood

2013-11-12T14:22:00.000-08:00

maybe I will maybe I won't but.......
yes now I can be blunt
I've tasted blood now I want to hunt
I have this list
shake shake twist twist
do to you what I didn't get to......
been reevaluating
and the weather is indicating
it's going to be warm warm
planning a walk into the swarm
this sting that has stung
makes me simply
committed to more fun

the keys they tick they pick they stick
rewriting rerouting rewiring click click
have I said this all before
you did too and that key is a just door
yes I've heard I am so so so adored

don't tell me I don't want to know
let's just let's just go go
ssssshh... shush.
oh hush hush
how about we rush
lush lush
I want to feel the rush
there's this place where I get flushed
I know I can make you make me
blush blush

maybe I will maybe I won't but.......
yes please do you can be blunt
I've tasted blood now I want to hunt
I have this list
shake shake twist twist
do to you what I didn't get to......
been learning new tricks
and the weather turns me to that fix
there's going to be a swarm swarm
light this fire and blow the alarm
this sting has me stung
used to walk fast now I run run
is this what has to be done

the keys we click they pick will it stick
rewriting rerouting rewiring tick tick
have I said this all before
you did too and that key is a just door
yes I've heard I am so so so adored

oh tell me what I want to know
let's just go with this new flow
ssssshh... shush.
oh hush hush
how about we touch
lush lush
I want to feel the rush
this is where I get a flush
I know how to make you make me
blush blush

out of body

2013-11-11T11:59:00.000-08:00

this face I am fronting
this lie in the hunting
game I am playing
a pretty saying
a tasty drink I sway
purposely turn away
for its easy lacing
chasing chasing
in the sheets
pictures pictures
picture this
this again
erase replace
another will I be undoing
fetching you I am catching
cold a sneeze
I will not be falling
you I will not be calling
see this what I am doing
he as me trying new dying wooing
I try to honest be not be fooling
anybody
any body
out of this body
with this or his new body
naughty naughty
this does not change what I had said
because this is all in my head

fix

2013-11-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

how to feed this need
want to fill this hole
oh my damned soul
screaming dreaming
fix this fix this fix this fix
my best comes on the wave crest
let you in slide
oh by my side
growling howling
kiss this kiss this kiss this kiss
don't you need to feed
want to fill this hole
oh your damned soul
screaming dreaming
fix this fix this fix this fix

the worst [very short] poem yet

2013-11-05T09:46:00.000-08:00

I know poetry
does not have to rhyme
that is how I do it
it helps quiet the voices

December 2012

prick

2013-11-03T19:27:00.000-08:00

your eye a plant
my finger a splinter
a tiny pin prick
by this strange harsh winter
came quick
now strangely gone
now I go on
without the burden
of bad weather
kept me fecking
under fickle storms
that were wrecking
my plans they were ruining
shake these colds
I was catching
the dust of my tires
the smoke is my detaching
always we rise from such fires

chorus

2013-11-02T15:47:00.000-07:00

my heart is heavy
can't hold my weight steady
might have to
let you
go
I hope you know
you told me so
chain smoking
feeling broken
there is no denying
the need to stop trying
you know I know
you told me so
I should have listened
is there really that much to be missing

I'll stop the pulling towards
don't need to fall on my sword
you may have to
say so
yes or no
I hope you know
you told me so
stupid token
broke me open
all that you're denying

is my cue to stop trying
you told me so
you know I know
I should have listened
right now this is what you'll be missing

narcotic

2013-10-31T17:44:00.000-07:00

you are the cause my cause
undue the laws
traumatic and broken by the flaws
of lost lovers and of in laws
no longer heard in tape loops sounding
like Mrs. Bates in Norman's wiggy head...
and letters used to cause such dread.
a slamming door
that could end me on the floor
a tray turns into a day
that wastes away all my good...
I should I should do what I should...
not.

the cause my cause because because
I know The Know
some good things do grow
I also know too much
although with this touch I forgot everything
a nap. my mind. it brings
what if what if's...
it drifts......
to a building. bricks.
a yellow house.
where there, again!
this dream the same sun room...
but my home it was a trampled tomb
resigned restrained learning
to not be consumed
keeps away the impeding doom
a lot.

you are the cause my cause
a narcotic so exotic
if one had bought it... oh you go it
it would be so so so you know --
what you call it?
I don't have to say it
I barely can delay it
don't don't don't yes repeat replay it

I am the cause my cause
because this narcotic
is a withdrawal of my own deposit
a morosoph so dope
years of hurried hope
these tales are a slippery slope
not toxic perhaps a little histrionic
I am the cause this cause
undivided attention, not neurotic
no one but all could mix
and drink this tonic
because I cause
what quickly comes to go...
and what comes must go...
so I know how to die
and to always be both high
and low... again, I really should...
know.

you are the cause my cause
a narcotic so exotic
if one had bought it... oh you go it
can we try to go slow slow --
will I fall for it? [yeeeeesssssssss]
oh how I want to want to say it
I barely can delay it
I am waiting waiting to replay it

go

2013-10-31T10:28:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking you found out
or maybe you don't know
my mind's on you no doubt
can't help that I can't let you go
you're not the only one
who can't keep pace with the pack to run

first I'm yelling out loud
why do you act so proud
then I dare not speak a word
when I was part of your herd
your charm was so absurd

first you took your time
now you're rushing out the door
I end helpless on the floor
choking on the smell of rusted tin
the night caves in

it's fine you win, you win
you win you win again
my sin I sin again
I kick and scream but I still give in
it's my sin you win again

I'm sewn in loosely at the seams
drowning in muffled screams
never making any sense
of this life of recompense
made for acts of self defense

you never found me out
you sent me on my way
we never had a doubt
can't help that I wanted you to stay
you're not the only one
to blame a gypsy for the smoking gun

this night I will not cry
rest in peace and to home fly
in these dreams while I sleep I die
you thought I didn't try
but was you who told the greatest lie

I'm sleeping in your head
and dreaming in your bed
wishing these things dead
a life like mine ignored
by all of those adored

and I found out
it's what you're not about
that makes me have to shout
I'll go on my way forget that day
when the lights and time did sway
but your only concern, was my delay

come to go, I can't ignore
I've heard it all before
maybe I was your greatest whore
the trees burn above as my chest caves in
you fight and beg then say I let it begin

it's fine you win, you win
you win you win again
my sin I sin again
I kick and scream but I still give in
it's my sin you win again

that night I said to you
please don't try, just do
say nothing that isn't true
my friends were sure you'd tell a lie
I should have let my feelings die

everyone but you can tell
I'm in heaven but I'd take your hell
let my light dim only to see your heart swell
so this slight that you perceive
is me trying just to breathe

I'm thinking you found out
my mind's on you no doubt
I'd die to let you go
you're the not only one
who told me I should run...
and patience finally has worn thin

and it's fine you win, you win
you win you win again
my sin I sin again
I kick and scream but I still give in
it's my sin I always let you win

May 2011
rev. 201

c'est le pigeon

2013-10-29T15:09:00.000-07:00

don't talk to strangers

but entertain the kind ones

and so I did

and so I do

who knew

you

who my life did endanger

in that moment

you pressed

into my chest

and whispered in my ear

there is no need to fear

I will always be here

my dear

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

the elephant in the manger?

speak not of these things

but still I did

and still I do

who knew

you

to our lives you became the re-arranger

in that moment

you pressed

broke my nest

and whispered in my ear

perhaps there is a need to fear

I may not always be here

my dear

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

October 2011

the wager

2013-10-28T19:56:00.000-07:00

I'm not feeling very well
reeling, not seeming like myself
experiencing things I'd rather not tell
chest is hollow, can't swallow, my head swells
lost in these dimensions in which I dwell

though we may not stay
we came to say

it's alright
don't fight
but tonight
you could see sights
that might
cause some fright

though we may not stay
we came to say

it won't be long
until they're gone
don't let anyone
make you think
you are wrong
we are where you belong

though we may not stay
we came to say

we were hoping you could you forget...
our arrangement that you seem to regret
our wager, your life, perhaps a reckless bet
though we are pleased with the matches you have met
the traps were needed our nets are set

though we may not stay
we came to say

you have the right
put up a fight
on any given night
you could see sights
that might
cause some fright

though we may not stay
we came to say

it won't be long
until you're gone
don't let anyone
make you think
you are wrong
you are where you belong

we came to say
sorry we can not stay

October 2011

invasion

2013-10-20T10:53:00.000-07:00

a simple invasion
a way though to a new nation
you would see the look in my eyes
the distant gaze
how each time you hurt me
a little more faded
the dim light that soon
with my... completely was eradicated

it's no wonder we were doomed
still something in me bloomed
the darkness the hope
the drinks the dope
the songs that spoke
of the end of times to come

rode this retrograde
into the ground
the perfection I told you
could not be found
is gone gone gone
but nothing is wrong

you have the world at hand
and and and
it is a simple gesture away
no worries
you don't have to
have to ask me to stay

how

2013-10-04T09:34:00.000-07:00

through it all
rise and fall
what I know
they see it now what I do
who I am what I say
talk too much every day
how I speak
my hips they sway
when I peak
make you move
this is how I love
this little dove
sweet sweet fools
as below me so I do
from above
I can hear you
my ears are ringing
as we are swimming
in the ether
try as you might to forget
if you do in time you will regret
and come back for another
memory memory a space
a place that can not erase
how I love
this is how I love
my sweet sweet dove
how I love
this is how I love
who I am what I say
talk too much every day
how I speak
my hips they sway
when I peak
make you move
this is how I love
this little dove
from so high above

double zero

2013-10-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

always need to keep myself in line
so random things... dare not ask to be defined
not while waiting for the sutured sky to fall
can not help again to want it All as one and all in all
wish away these adolescent swimming rhymes
songs in mind from a history of fallen times
stop. go on. like. to know. nothing. more.
keep this. after. I go. need. no less. than I. did before.

tick tock all the clocks stop. one two three... like that time...
the tune in June. that high in July. past the wall that fall.
but in the end I liked it All.
time slows time sways... light swells light stays.

plain to see is easy to be
few belongings scattered about me
all of these I can freely let go
each problem answered in double zero
patient but distracted I go through the day
bated - a pause to then explore but what will I say
stop. go on. like. to know. nothing. more.
keep this. after. I go. need. no less. than I. did before.

bent

2013-10-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm falling
wish that I was drowning
keep on going under
gasping for another
breath that keeps me going
long for an eternal slumber
why do I still fight this
need to lose your number
we were never a match
clinging to illusions
hope gives way to detach
wish I knew what it meant
how can I learn this lesson
my heart never breaks but it's bent

not schadenfreude

2013-09-28T13:45:00.005-07:00

I know you think, I think the worst-
but all hope I have, is for you first.
And when misfortune comes to your dismay;
I'd rather there was a different way.

tale

2013-08-21T10:29:00.001-07:00

the tell of your tale
is always a bill of sale
under the tuck of your tail
once lived my endless fail
but I won't derail
I won't derail
I'll just set sail
I will set sail

this tête–à–tête

always tit for tat

fighting brats

comparing misogynistic acts

this absurd indignation

for an alleged equivalent retaliation

how can I not fight back

over promises that consistently retract

the tell of your tale
is always a bill of sale
under the tuck of your tail
once lived my endless fail
but I won't derail
I won't derail
I'll just set sail
I will set sail

cool

2013-08-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

this has me turned around
always getting lost to be found
listening to the same song
the waters have been rising for so long
and no one can ever hold me down
I keep swimming though I'd rather drown

and what I find so curious
is why you turn my kindness injurious
but let others lie to bury us
then you wonder why I'm furious

and your friends think I'm a fool
cause you always come off oh so cool
but in this epic duel
remember I was never cruel
since for you there is no rule
use my compass I'm your broken tool

and what I find so strange
are these postures you arrange
you let them think I'm the one deranged
when you swore you wanted change

they say, 'why is she in tow?,
see how she stumbles there below!'
it won't matter what they know
it's you that needs to grow
and these gifts that I bestow
are what you'll need to let me go

December 2011

hereafter

2013-06-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

eyes dart from stage wing left,
I know I will again be bereft.
from the entrance lines of sight;
up and out to the lightning filled night.

be still and hope you will to my delight.
appear- tall bright.
far outside the well kept by the miser.
metronomic...

back to the sound riser.
to break the arc, without said dark advisor.

well you know, well you know
well you know. herein, hereafter
well you know, Why my master-
these words, mark my disaster.

you and your deserv'ed nesting.
drifting graceful... complacent besting
planning your everlasting
impending,
happy never forever-ending...

not a chance to see it through
blush anew
but yes you did, yes you do,
still seek the things
I can make come true.

still. a thought.
"in heat I freeze."
and your voice lingers back home,
in the trees...
in the woods,
those human sounds "are nice."
like when the calls came thrice.

staged wings, broken;
left black and blue...
you remembered but didn't follow through.
the sway, the smile, the moment to say,
"oh, sinewy! last chance, what will you do this day?"

if you did, come through the door
like before
thick-as-a-thief, wicked kind grin
could I, can I, do I... again?
mother may I, should I, adore?
begging, dripping... then melt on the floor

in a pool of tears, still fall faster
we can always deal
with our sin
in the hereafter...

well you know, well you know
well you know. herein, hereafter
yes, you know, how to, my master.
and these words, true; mark your laughter.

June 2011