I Am More Than I Am

November Popsugar Box

2012-11-17T15:00:00.000-08:00

Who doesn't enjoy a lovely surprise in the mail? Not me! I was happy to receive my Popsugar box of November today :)

An Intro Card

A few recipes for Thanksgiving!

A box of Thank-You Cards by Snow & Graham

One Credit for Stylemint

Yemen N.10 Spices by La Boite

Blood Orange Lip Balm by Mor Cosmetics

Yogalosophy DVD by Gaiam

Cinnamon Sugar Doughnut Mix by Stonewall Kitchen

Brown Leather Studded Wrap Bracelet by Gorjana-Griffin

I just had to share this ..

2012-11-06T18:53:00.001-08:00

YUP. WHAT'S UP HARVARD?

Finding your own rules

2012-11-03T05:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I got home early to find a fresh loaf of crunch Italian bread on the kitchen table. Before I knew it, I had eaten the entire thing and I was working on the leftover halloween candy. I was fully aware that I was nearing an intake of 3000 calories but I just couldn't stop. I was angry at myself for the uncontrolled indulgence, but then I got to thinking, why do I keep doing this?

I thought about this most of the evening when I finally realized, food has become my only outlet and my only refuge. Let me explain. I live pretty comfortably with my family; by comfort, I mean, I make a decent living and I'm paying off my student loans by not paying rent. The draw back is, living with family means watching what you say and what you do and making sure not to cause trouble. I know you have to do this to a little extent in any living situation, but I often feel muzzled. The ridiculous part is, I have no one to blame but myself. I have the choice to go out more or to be more strong willed and do my own thing, but I let myself be ruled by amorphous, non-existant rules to be a hermit. Of course, I'm human and I need a form of escape for balance, and that's where food comes in for me.

I find solace, comfort, stability and escape in the reliability of good tastes, textures and the seretonin high. I like that food doesn't tell me what to do or judge me. The reality is though, I judge myself at the end of the day.

I don't want to be this girl at the end of the day. I don't want to self-suffocate and then self-abuse with food. I am worth more than this. The judge is me, not the balance, bank account or my family. It's me. I'm determined to change this cycle today. It's a new day, it's my new day and new start.

Dog sitting in lap as I internet surf

2012-10-27T13:03:00.002-07:00

Crudddddddddd

2012-10-27T06:23:00.003-07:00

I'm not insane.

2012-10-27T04:01:00.000-07:00

We've all heard the definition of insanity by Albert Einstein: "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Yeah, I have been doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting something else. What is wrong with me? I'm a smart girl. Why do I keep getting myself into a rut? It's gotten me so frustrated and angry with myself in the last week, and I'm determined to change things. DETERMINED.

I've been making myself unhappy and whether I like it or not, it's been rubbing off the wrong way on everyone else around me. I'm not proud of it, but I'm ready to take ownership of it, and change things.

There are 5 very important things in my life that bring me sanity and happiness.

1. Family

2. Clean diet

3. Exercise

4. Accomplishing/Completing my work

5. Sleep

Although it doesn't sound like a lot, it is a lot to keep in check (at least for me). Sometimes (actually, oftentimes), it gets overwhelming and I just cave. I escape through unhealthy foods, withdraw into my cave and just ignore everything. Then, I PAY the consequences big time. Some prices have included

- Fights (big and small) with my family

- Gained 10 pounds in 2 weeks!

- My clothes don't fit!

- Behind on my work

- Not sleeping well

Obviously, the way I retreat from my life isn't healthy or efficient, and I need to change it. I've thought long about this, and I think I need to be more selfish (and self-focused) for a period of time, in order to actually end up less selfish. Does that make any sense to anyone?

I need to focus on bettering myself in order to be a better person altogether. That starts with better self-care particularly in regard to diet, exercise and sleep. I need to turn down the chocolates, treats and delicious dinners constantly put in my way (even if benevolently offered), put my foot down for myself and follow through. Of course the last part is the most difficult. Exercise wise I need to actually ramp it up and keep it up. I exercise 3 times a week but considering I've been consuming a minimum of 2200 calories every day, I should be exercising 3 times a day! I want to get back to my healthy weight, which is not a distant 25 pounds away (since gaining 10 lbs) and I'm DETERMINED to get there by New Years. I'm pretty sure a good 7 lbs is water weight, 5-7 lbs can be taken off with exercise and then for the rest? I've just got to clean up my eating. I'm confident I can get there.

It'll mean sacrifices and dedication.

1. Planned meals

2. No heavy meals out at restaurants or by others with ingredients including sugar, excess oil and who knows what else.

3. At least 30 minutes of exercise everyday. 30 on busy days, 45+ on my less busy days.

4. Getting sufficient sleep by putting my foot down. I say this because, my family just barges into my room in the morning, when I need to be sleeping. Then I make up for the lack of energy with food. It's a vicious, unhealthy cycle.

So here's to Saturday the 27th. I salute you, I'm ready for you and here we go! Here's to me!

October Glossybox & Physique 57 Discount!

2012-10-27T03:35:00.002-07:00

Yay.. glossy box of October!

A Lip "Duo" by Model Co.

I really like the color, and the little mirror on the side, but I have 2 complaints:

1. gloss is a bit sticky and doesn't stay put.

2. The mirror isn't in a very practical spot. The only way to use it is to apply the lipstick and/ lipgloss free style and then check. Don't most of us girls look in the mirror while applying?

Blush by Kryolan

OK, wow, this color is very dense. You get your bang for your buck with regard to color pay off, but does it stay put or oxidize? While I'm happy to report that it doesn't oxidize on my skin and change colors, I'm sorry to say it doesn't really stay put. Strange, since it's supposed to be professional makeup..

Facial Enzyme Peel by Natassja Skin

I like it conceptually - natural, infused with a million vitamins, etc.

Turns out it doesn't do much for my skin.

Peppermint Soap by American company Heartland Fragrances.

It's a loofa inside a peppermint soap. Conceptually and initially it's a lot of fun. It reminded me of the old Office episodes when Jim would prank Dwight by putting setting his stapler in jello. The more I thought of the concept of a loofa inside the soap though, the more I thought of bacteria getting trapped inside. It's not antibacterial/antimicrobial soap after all! Eiw.. now I can't stop thinking about it.

Hair Shine Spray by Alterna

I actually use their Kendi Dry Oil Mist for shine, that I received as a free sample in a purchase at Skinstore.com, and I've been loving it. I tried this one upon arrival, and it is similar but a lighter version. No distinct smell and it sprays evenly, leaving the perfect shine on your hair. Looks really good on a ponytail.

Physique 57 Discount Code. I personally love working out at home so I might just get this!

Items in totale...

2012-10-26T14:31:00.005-07:00

Not so happy with my manicure

Yes, no kidding. Our future shouldn't be in the hands of a bunch of men who don't know what they're talking about.

2012-10-25T19:04:00.003-07:00

Giveaway!!!

2012-10-25T18:43:00.001-07:00

Remember the nail polish set by OPI I received in my Popsugar Box for October?

I will be giving this away! In order to enter, please email me at violin724@ mac . com

Please write "Pink of Hearts 2012" in the subject line.

I will randomly select a winner by Sunday October 28, 12:00am EST.

Birthday party eats

2012-10-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight we went for the most wonderfully tasty sushi to celebrate a family birthday!!! I forgot to take photos of a lot of the food but I'll list em all:

Appetizer:

Steamed Bun filled with Korean japchae (unphotographed)

Truffle-ginger Tuna tataki on top of microgreens

Smoked Hamachi

Sashimi.. yum!!

There was a lot of maki & sushi after this.

Dessert 1: Most delicious cheesecake at the restaurant

Dessert 2: Strawberry short cake at home!

Today was probably like 2500 calories. Sigh.

At least it was delicious.

Tomorrow my sneakers will be used.

Popsugar Must Have Box for October

2012-10-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

Yay my October Popsugar MustHave box! Now, let's get to the contents:

This is a special set by OPI, dedicated to Breast Cancer Awareness.

The two colors are: I think in Pink and You Glitter Be Good to Me

**This is a giveaway item. So email me by Sunday, October 28, 12am EST if you want to enter!*

Gummy Bears by Dylan's Candy Bar

Who doesn't love gummy bears?!?

Spanish Gardenia Petal Topped Candle by Red Flower

This is very very tuberosey.... which I happen to love!

Shampoo and Conditioner by Clear Hair Care

*Will Review soon!*

ExerSocks by Crescent Moon Yoga

*I'm so excited to try these- I will review these soon!*

Aged White Cheddar flavored Pirate Booty

I ate these as soon as I finished taking a picture of it! Sooo yummmo

Hard-covered "Casual Vacancy" by JK Rowling

Rowling's first adult book.. looking forward to it Ms. Rowling!

Halloween for my dog?

2012-10-23T07:16:00.003-07:00

This Parade makes me want to dress up Lalo

Back on my feet with a new sense of balance.

2012-10-23T04:37:00.001-07:00

After a low of a weekend, I got to thinking, what am I doing wrong or not doing that is getting me into these ruts time and time again? I can't just keep living the way I am and expecting a different result. That's the definition of insanity! I know I have suppressed deeper rooted issues that creep up on me, right at my weakest moments- be that moments of exhaustion, exhilaration, release, surrender, etc- and bite me!

Yes, I have a stressful life right now. What I need to accomplish in the next 60 days is nearly impossible but the reality is I've just got to make it happen. I need to use every second as well as I can and just get-it-done. Still, I can't let all of that be my entire life. Obviously, I need to find a bit more balance and be healthier than I have been lately.

I don't think I can get to the root of all my deeper rooted issues but I can enforce more balance, through exercise and frivolities such as shopping and what not. And.. I've got to take my own advice and focus on ONE task at a time.

Past 24 hours

2012-10-21T09:40:00.000-07:00

Something happened 24 hours ago and I just mentally checked out of my life. It wasn't one particular event actually. I have a lot of stress in my life and I guess things tipped over that ever-so-delicate line of balance. I went on a massive eating binge and I am so ashamed. I ate cookies, pancakes, waffles, chocolate, peanut butter, noodles.. (notice the carbohydrate theme?) I watched movies and tv-shows and just ignored the entire rest of the world. Of course, I felt so gross as I was trying to go to sleep. I felt gross when I woke up. My belly felt like an alien limb, heavy as a watermelon, impeding my breathing and making me so uncomfortable. This morning I asked myself why I do these things? I'm trying to lose weight, not gain it. I'm trying to get things done efficiently, not the opposite. Why do I get in my own way?

What is it about chicken?

2012-10-20T05:15:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is about chicken, but when there is a good chicken recipe in the house, I end up inhaling it. It happened again last night and I woke up feeling gross and sooo thirsty. Ugh, I wish I hadn't done that. I started today off with a healthy set of whole grain waffles with half a cup of egg whites and a side of sliced pear. I've got a practice exam starting in a few hours so after that, I'll squeeze in a work out. Until then I'll have this fatty butt sitting in a chair :(

Happy Saturday y'all.

2012-10-19T13:19:00.001-07:00

Snack: stirfry of kale, mushrooms, low sodium turkey - yum! (sorry, forgot to take a picture)
Snack 2: plate ful of Ak-mak crackers with peanut butter. Not sure why but I really like these.

2012-10-19T08:24:00.001-07:00

Snack: apple
Lunch: Chocolate wafer bar by PowerCrunch - Yummy! It was just like the wafers I used to have as a kid, except covered with chocolate and with added Protein! The only bad thing I have to say about it is that it had an odd after taste.

Yikes. Put your foot-down-Friday

2012-10-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

I was trying to be pretty good this week but I guess my splurge on Wednesday did a little damage. I had also replaced my deli wraps with homemade peanut butter sandwiches on Ezekiel bread, but I guess that might not exactly be helping.

Breakfast:

1 cup Kashi Go Lean Cereal and 2/3 cup Trader joe's Almond Milk

Viewed 1000 Times!

2012-10-18T17:06:00.001-07:00

I'm a new blogger with no followers yet (hehe..) but I've been viewed 1000 times already.

I'm having a party by myself in my own head :)

DDF Vs. Clarisonic

2012-10-18T14:53:00.002-07:00

Adult acne is real. Trust me, I have it and unless I am faithfully persistent with my facial cleansing, there will be so much sebum build up and subsequently, acne up the wazoo. I've managed keeping them relatively under control with the use of great cleansers and facial cleansing devices. I'll review cleansers in another post but in this one, I will be comparing the DDF Revolve 400 X to the Clarisonic Clarifying Collection.

VS.

I should mention that I bought both these systems myself and these are totally unbiased reviews. A few years ago, I bought the DDF Revolve device, in the middle of a full out facial acne attack and this did wonders. The spinning brush helped clear up my skin without tugging at it, and within 10 days of using it daily and using the right toner, serums and moisturizers, my skin was spotless! I immediately bought one for my mom too and she still uses it lovingly. It is battery operated, which is fine because it goes for months before needing a battery-replacement. It is water proof so you can clean your face in the shower while you wait for your hair conditioner/mask to soak in. It's light so it's easy to travel with. Honestly, it's a life save!

Although I didn't have a complaint in the world about my DDF Revolver-- when I lent mine to my brother for a few weeks, I decided to take the opportunity to try the Clarisonic version since I'd heard RAAAAVE reviews. Trust me, I was really excited! When I got it though, I discovered a few disappointments: 1) It doesn't revolve, it just makes micro-vibrations. This just didn't cut it for me. My skin actually clogged up! 2) Although it's rechargeable, a fully charged Clarisonic only lasts for 24 minutes, which would mean I'd have to take the charger with me even on short trips! 3) It has preset cycles, after each of which you need to reset it. (I'm not a fan!). I really tried to like it- I used it with different cleansers. I tried apply different levels of pressure, applying in mini-circles, different water temperatures, inside the shower vs at the sink...everything I could think of actually. Still, could not like it. I tried it for almost 2 weeks and I noticed my skin was clogging up and quickly becoming riddled with those all too familiar red and white bumps... not good! In the end, I had to return it. Sorry, clarisonic!

My review: Nothing does it like the DDF Revolve 400 X.

Take Your Multivitamins ---| Cancer

2012-10-17T16:46:00.001-07:00

Although the latest study has a subject pool of only middle aged men, I'm anticipating similar results will be seen in women soon too!

Take your multivitamins and see your risk for any type of cancer decrease up to 8%!

Long A$$ Day

2012-10-17T16:26:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I am venting half the time I'm on here, but I hope I'm making up for it with useful posts as well. But I am human. This season is a rough one for me and riddled with stress, so bear with me please!

So today I've been up since 5 am and I stepped back in my house at 7pm. I was so famished by the time I got home that I literally inhaled everything I saw: chicken wings, rice bowls, spoons of peanut butter, chocolate.. oh the chocolate. It's my fault. I should have picked up a sandwich before heading home. Lesson for next time!

Fortunately I'll have time tomorrow morning to squeeze in another intense workout. It'll be a new Itunes workout DVD yet to be reviewed, so get psyched!!!

Anyways I am about to take an hour or 2 to myself. Just need to decompress after this day.

Early Weigh Day

2012-10-16T06:52:00.003-07:00

I was pretty sure I would chicken out and not go through with weigh day tomorrow so I just bit the bullet and did it today.... and I was pleasantly surprised!

Before I stepped on the scale, I told myself that as long as I was below 135, I should feel okay because I have been indulging a LOT lately. I was surprised to see a number below 130! I guess those exercise videos have been keeping me below 130 :)

Still...Standing at my petite height of 5'2", 128.4 is well above my ideal weight. Although my BMI is 23.5 and in the healthy category (which is great in terms of health!), it's also important to consider what the ideal weight is for your frame size. According to the NIH body frame is actually "small" since my wrist is 5.4" in circumference. According to the calculator on Freedieting.com, my ideal weight range for my frame is 102-106. And, this is why, despite my healthy BMI, I have knee issues due to my weight. My frame is still too small to take high impact sports at 128.4 pounds. So, while I'm happy that I'm below 130, now I'm motivated to take my diet and exercise to the next level to get closer to my ideal weight. Slow and steady.. persistence is the name of the game!

Still, Hurray for me! Right now I'm just proud of myself for facing my fears and just getting on the scale this morning!

Not-so-marvelous Monday

2012-10-15T17:45:00.001-07:00

OOMPH, this morning was painful. I needed to get to the city by 7am, so I was up at 4:45am to shower, get dressed, pack breakfast, and take out the dog. If I had actually gotten some sleep, I wouldn't be complaining, but last night was a mega tosser. If there was a marathon for tossing around in bed, I would have won 1st place. I got in bed by 10, in anticipation of the early wake up time, and then I started to feel restless. I read a few blogs off my phone then tried to go to sleep again. This time, it wasn't restlessness; it was ALLERGIES. It all started with just a little itch on my shins, and then suddenly, like a hurricane, I felt like ants were crawling all over my body. It was H*LL. I tossed around, switching from one side of the bed to the other every 30 seconds. After what felt like hours of tossing, I took a look at my clock; it read 11:40pm. I told myself, if I can't fall asleep by midnight, I am getting in the shower. The tossing and turning ensued well past midnight, and when I finally couldn't take it anymore, it was 1:20am. I got in the shower, changed my pajamas and got back in bed. The itchiness was a little less severe but my skin still felt like it was crawling. I think by the time I fell asleep it must have been around 3, because before I knew it, my 4:45am Mario Brothers alarm went off. Yeah, what a night.

Needless to say, I inhaled the coffee this morning and got 2 fraps to keep me going. As soon as I was ready to head home, it was 5pm and I picked up a grande latte to be safe on the traffic laden drive home. Oh.. it was a crazy day.

Now I've got some work to do, before I squeeze in my quick work out and hot shower. Hopefully tonight will actually be spent sleeping!