* i am my own heaven n hell *

Affairs

2012-02-15T00:34:00.003+08:00

A few weeks back, i kinda fought with my mother. Well, we are not really fighting, but more to me being the rarely rebellious me. I disagree with everything that came out from her mouth. It all started when my mom and my brother team up and make me worked in the same place my brother is working right now WITHOUT having my opinion being heard. And that piss me off.

Then i decided to move out from the house and go visit my aunt in Kuantan. I met with my girlfriends and had a great talk. Despite the chaos that occurred in the family in between that time, i had a great time with my other 3 nephew and nieces. All those hugs and kisses from the little kids really do makes my heart blooms.

After a week, i came back to my mom's place. Putting those that had happen behind and starting anew. Things started off great and my mom practice on how to listen again. I'm glad everything is fine now and very am proud of how mature i handle stuff now. Instead of I talk back to my mom, i take some time away from her and calm myself which is proven to be working perfectly fine.

Make up, don't break up.
And this goes to all lovers out there too.

love,
geeds.

I Love You.

2012-02-14T23:07:00.004+08:00

Semester breaks means spending quality time with your loved one.
Not to forget cuddling up and messing around with my little nephew.
I'm thankful for the time we had together.

Aunty loves you Sayyid!

love,
geeds

Inhuman

2011-12-06T22:01:00.003+08:00

I know this sounds very depressing, but right now, my mind is so messed up (with i don't even know what) that i swear i have feelings of wanting to be crash by a super fast moving bullet train but somehow i survive. Just so i can feel the mighty pain.

love,
geeds.

Heart beat fast

2011-11-26T16:46:00.002+08:00

I trip and fall
feeling stuffy
wanting to be free
and feel pretty
so you could see
the beauty in me
and love me to infinity

I feel scared
of the unknown
but not for long
I brave myself
when time do the heal
people will soon see
the value of me

love,
geeds

The rest is still unwritten.

2011-11-21T12:53:00.003+08:00

I don't know what happened or what went wrong. My magic fingers is not working properly lately. Every time i open the browser and view my blog page, i could not come out with anything. Even reading other people's blog post could not bring me back into this little world of mine.

Each time i started tapping on the keyboard, i will just end up tapping on the backspace and closing the windows immediately.

After much struggle, this is what i manage to do from now.
I pray that you guys live a healthy life and stay happy without any worries.

love,
geeds.

Connection error

2011-10-04T22:56:00.003+08:00

Proses penuaan meningkat dengan kadar yang cepat jika situasi ini berterusan.

A very poor service from maxis line and also a super slow internet connection is stressing me out. I can't contain myself anymore if i only get to update a few lines of words. Or wait for the page to load which seems like forever. Or or clicking on the send button over and over again because the text messages was unable to be send.
sheesh!

Have mercy on me. Please?

love,
geeds.

Intruder

2011-10-03T22:52:00.009+08:00

if you ever leave me baby
leave some morphine at my door.
cause it will take a whole lot of medication
to realize what we used to have
we don't have it anymore.

love,
geeds.

Lie to me.

2011-09-16T23:11:00.001+08:00

Truth hurts.
I know that.
But I keep going back to the truth since i don't like to be deceive.
Or more specifically lied.
And guess what I get?
Hurt.

love,
geeds.

Suicidal road.

2011-09-14T14:46:00.004+08:00

wtf.
I just realized that my credit hour for this semester is 27! with a total subject of 9! That is the maximum credit hour for a student actually. damn.
I don't think i am capable of doing this excellently.
I so need to meet my personal adviser and get her opinion on this matter.
Kalau tak mati katak la kau Majeedah.
T___T

love,
geeds.

I am still the same old geeds even with a shawl on my head.

2011-09-13T13:24:00.003+08:00

Semalam hari pertama ke kelas sebagai "budak baru".
No one greet me as i enter the class with the new look.
Until one of the friends shouted to my clique, "Mana Majeedah?"

The girls who sat next to me gave out a big laugh and points their finger to me who was sitting in the middle of the group. Then the class started to fill with lots of "fuyyooo", and "wah", and "aww" and other exclamation words which shows their total surprise. The boys gave out their thumbs up to me while the girls are still in surprise - to some of them. Then all the five 'W' questions started pouring in. Despite all of those commotion, i enjoyed answering all sorts of questions coming out from them.

Seeing their positive and very encouraging reaction, make my heart blooms all day. How i wish the family can give out the same kind of reaction and support. I can't please everyone. No? Even without their support, i am still going to continue and stick with my decision to cover my head and properly cover my aurat. I am doing this for me, for Him. Not for them.

"Ingatkan budak baru tadi. Rupanya Majeedah baru."
:)

love,
geeds.

A siege mentality

2011-09-10T19:30:00.000+08:00

I battled depression as a kid. I denied it and let it go untreated because I was afraid people would think I was being silly to feel so down. I could still remember it so vividly 7 years ago. How i was weeping silently under my blanket so that my sister which sleep at the upper bunk couldn't hear it. As soon as the light turned off in my bed, my bantal busuk become the shoulder i cried on. (ahh yes i used to have bantal busuk. so what?)

I used to be one of those teenagers that fights to just being able to stay strong and continue each day. I had multiple of thoughts of running away, hurting my self, and even quitting. Feeling so alone with nowhere to share or turn to, surrounded by problems of a broken family, being punched by truth right at the face, and being hit by what life had prepared for me is just too much to handle at such tender age. I was young and naive. "Life is so unfair" is a normal thought that i will not let it slip off my mind each day. I pity myself.

Both school and home are the places i want to avoid but had no choice other than to face it every single day. Back then i am an avoider. I avoid. It's what i do. I avoid the crowd. I avoid my mom. I avoid questions. I avoid everything that connect me with the universe and every living things. I shut down my territory and live silently inside my very own personal imaginary cave. Alone. Or was it more to the thought of being alone. And i still think that there is a little piece of me now that is still an avoider.

One day, i realized that it is me who is in control of how it should be. Of how things work. Of how i would want my future to be. Its like a magic button somewhere inside me are being push and format the way i think. The way i view life. The way i response to obstacles and stress. The way i be Nur Majeedah Aliah. Then, i heard the click - to change my destiny, i first should digest the raw truth and change for the better. I pick myself up, tried my best to collect myself and start having some self-respect. I replace the thought "life is unfair" with a new thought - "I'll be OK."

Looking back at the past, I'm glad it turn out that way. If not, I would not be who I am today. That is the darker side of me. The untold story. The one that I avoid from sharing. But now, here I am, recalling back all those memory which were long hidden in the pitch dark memory box, facing the truth and accepting the past. I have no regret on the past now. Instead of pathetically sinking in my own life, I vent it out here with a smile. A proud smile. :)

love,
geeds.

Menggatal je kerjanya.

2011-09-10T01:21:00.003+08:00

Every time i spend a day or two at kak der's crib, i'll always end up having an itchy red spots appeared on some parts of my body. Usually the upper part. Tergaru - garu macam ape da.
Right now, i am at kak der's home sweet home. My last pit stop before i head on to shah alam.
And guess what?

*scratching*
T_T

love,
geeds.

Muslim by name, not by life.

2011-09-09T02:15:00.002+08:00

It saddens me when i saw a familiar faces that is close to me drinks and consume alcohol.
It saddens me when i saw a familiar faces that is close to me don't perform prayer.
It saddens me when i saw a familiar faces that is close to me did not fast the whole month of Ramadhan.
It saddens me when i saw a familiar faces that is close to me did not go and perform sembahyang raya.
It saddens me when i saw a familiar faces that is close to me doing things that would lead them to the scary hell.
It saddens me even more knowing that they are those familiar faces that is close to me.

"Dear good Lord, please give them guidance and lead them to the right path for You are the God Almighty."
Aminn.

love,
geeds.

Want to know how happy faces looks like?

2011-09-08T17:43:00.004+08:00

They looks like everything in the pictures. (:
These are the pictures taken when i went for a picnic the other day.

setting up the table and digging in the foods as soon as we arrived.

my girlfriend: farrah (purple top), fara (red skirt), fatin (the one that wore sunglasses), lenny (wearing cream colour tudung), and hani (orange scarf girl)

camwhoring session by the beach, on the tree house, and at the huge swing.

enjoying each others presence.

at my mom's spa before they head back to kuantan.

And ahh yes. That's my new image.
I've started covering my head since the first syawal.
After awhile working at billabong and go through a month of Ramadhan seeing lots of unspoken things, i just feel the need to cover my aurat. This is just a start, hopefully i'll do better in the future. And yes, i am indeed happy! :D

love,
geeds.

This one is for you. Yes YOU lah!

2011-09-08T02:44:00.000+08:00

A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you
even when you are fooling everyone else.

And to my surprise, i can proudly say that i own that kind of friends. They are God's gift sent from heavens above. They are my favorite witches and bitches that poses magic words and touch that somehow help keep me calm and give me strength just by being with them. Their presence shines and light my day. The sorrow are being swept away as joy march in with every laughter and smile they create. I can never thank them enough. (and to my blog friends as well.)

They are my friends whom i regards them as soul sister. And soul brother too? haha.
Yes its YOU darling.

p/s: i'm still picking the picnic photos to be publish inside here. banyak sangat tak tahu nak pilih yang mana satu. hehe.

love,
geeds.

Laughing is indeed the best medicine.

2011-09-06T19:07:00.002+08:00

I had a very fun evening today!
With my high school girlfriends. They came all the way from Kuantan to Cherating and we had a mini picnic by the beach. In front of Aunty Ruby's resort.
Trust me, we own the beach today! haha.
After all of the chaos that is happening in my family lately, a good laugh today indeed help me heals.
Will be uploading the photos soon - to share the joy with you guys too.

Can't wait to meet up and laugh out loud with my another set of childhood friends.
We are planning to go to Genting and screams our hearts out.

love,
geeds.

Bittersweet.

2011-09-04T00:51:00.003+08:00

One thing i don't like going back home is when the people acting like a five years old retard and start picking up fights.
The only thing that makes me stay is my adorable nephew and nieces.

love,
geeds.

You can name this entry. (:

2011-09-02T22:21:00.003+08:00

"I hope your decision won't hunt you forever."

That phrase stings me like a bee.

love,
geeds.

You smile i smile.

2011-09-02T01:31:00.003+08:00

Today was one of the best day since raya. I meant yesterday since it's already 3am now but i am still wide awake. I went to some of the friend's house. After a couples of month not meeting them, it feels so good to just hang around to those familiar faces. My hometown girlfriends. The one that are with me through my up and down. Every single moment. Nothing beats the cozy feelings they brought inside. If only i could put it down in words. But i can't find the right one. hehe.

Seeing the smile on the people that i love surely makes me happy. Knowing that the people i care are happy, regardless of where their location may be, i too, am happy.

Dear friends, if any of you are reading this, thank you for lighting up my day. I hope your life will be over-fill with joys and laughter. To each and everyone of you. I love you guys to bits and pieces. :)

The same goes to my readers as well! :)

love,
geeds.

No arms, no legs, no worries.

2011-08-30T18:32:00.008+08:00

"If i fail, i try again, and again, and again. If YOU fail, are you going to try again? The human spirit can handle much worse than we realize. It matters HOW you are going to FINISH. Are you going to finish strong?"

- Nick Vujicic

This is Nick Vujicic.

love,
geeds.

Hidup lagi ke esok?

2011-08-30T15:23:00.003+08:00

Dah lama mendongak ke langit sampai lupa jeling ke bawah.
Itu lah realiti manusia yang ingin hidup abadi.
Ralik dan asyik dalam kehidupan yang serba mewah.
Sampai lupa mungkin esok kita mati.

love,
geeds.

Seeking sincerity from within.

2011-08-28T00:35:00.004+08:00

Raya for me means family. And my family means drama.haha.
I can't wait to see what live drama i'll get this year around.
Hopefully they'll provide me with a good humor! hehe.

As for this Syawal, after much consideration, i'll be spending the first day of raya with Mama Ju at Cherating. I'm not sure it is something to be happy or sad with. Haha. But i definitely am excited to cuddle up and play with my adorable little nephew! I can't wait to hear he talks because he had trouble speaking before this and he communicate using sign and body language. Now that he had become a chatty little boy i just can't wait to listen to him saying "i love you" to me! Just like how he said every time we end a conversation on the phone.
Aww....isn't he the cutest thing ever?

I hope this Syawal brings lots of laughter to the family.
Let's forgive and forget and actually mean it!

love,
geeds.

Ka-ching ringing!

2011-08-27T03:11:00.004+08:00

You know one thing good about being Nur Majeedah Aliah?
You'll start getting duit raya before Syawal arrive.
And yes, i've started receiving packets now! With lots of cash inside!
*grin*

Somehow, this has been a trend for me for this couple of years.
Makin besar makin banyak duit dapat?

Hopefully i'll get more as soon as Syawal is here!
:D

love,
geeds.

My very own anak bulan dah nampak dulu.

2011-08-27T03:06:00.002+08:00

Entry tengah bulan puasa takde.
Sebabnya mudah - malas. haha.
I had lost my mojo too, so its a bit difficult for me to put down the words.

This year, raya starts very early for me.
So, selamat hari raya semua!
haha.

love,
geeds.

Wonders of Ramadhan.

2011-08-07T11:42:00.005+08:00

"Ya Allah, if this is the best for me, keep our heart close together. If this is not the best for me, and You have better plan in store for me, then shut our hearts and keep them where it belong - which is to You. Put my heart at ease and put me under Your guidance always. Amin."

Guess what?
Allah IS the Almighty.
He heard my prayer and granted them.
Syukur alhamdulillah.

love,
geeds.