I am so Freakin Bored

Sounds of Tennis - Levi's Cut

2010-11-15T08:55:00.000-08:00

LOL

2010-11-08T06:57:00.003-08:00

Car Crap

2010-11-08T06:56:00.000-08:00

Fun & Games - Birthdays | TheCelebrityCafe.com

2010-11-07T06:00:00.000-08:00

Fun & Games - Birthdays | TheCelebrityCafe.com

Things You Never Hear in Church

2010-11-06T05:47:00.000-07:00

Hey! It's MY turn to sit on the front pew!

I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went over time 25 minutes.

Personally, I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

I've decided to give our church the $500.00 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.

Forget the denominational minimum salary: let's pay our pastor so she/he can live like we do.

I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

Since we're all here, let's start the worship service early!

Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

Making Cakes

2010-11-06T05:45:00.000-07:00

There was a family: mum, dad, brother, and two twin sisters the brother being the eldest child.
One day the mum decided to take the two twin daughters out to the zoo. The girls saw two monkeys having sex and asked: "Mum what are those monkeys doing?", the mother replied: "Oh, they're just making cakes."
The next day they went to the park and saw two dogs and asked: "Mum, what are those dogs doing?", the mother replied: "Oh, they're just making cakes."
The following day the family is at home and the two daughters go upstairs and run down to tell their brother "Mum and dad have been making cakes", he replies "How do you know?" they answer "because we just licked the icing of the bed."

Blonde at store

2010-11-06T05:44:00.000-07:00

A blonde walks into a store and sees a t.v. that she wants. So she goes to the front desk and said "I would like to buy that tv." Then the clerk said, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes." She comes back the next day with red hair and she asked for the tv. The clerk said, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes." The day after that, she came back with black hair and asked for the tv. The clerk said, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes" The day after that she came back with green hair and asked for the tv. The clerk said, "Sorry, I don't sell to blondes." She said, "OK, good job, but how did you know I was a blonde?" The clerk says, "That's not a tv, that's a microwave."

Firetruck

2010-11-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little
girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.
"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."
The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

Adsense in Blogger Tutorial

2010-11-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

2010-11-04T23:59:00.001-07:00

Big - One of my Favorite Movie Scenes

2010-11-04T03:00:00.000-07:00

I Was Pregnant With My Cat - Craigery Morgan

2010-11-04T02:54:00.000-07:00

Ancient Chinese Torture

2010-11-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long,
grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?"
"Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much
as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man."
"Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young,beautiful,
and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old
man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion.
He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large
rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest."
"Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked
over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In
a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped
out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost."

Guess That Flavor

2010-11-03T21:40:00.001-07:00

The Principal of an elementry school went into a classroom and said, "I will give you all a lifesaver, but you have to guess the flavor because I'm not telling you. Whoever wins will get a prize." So he gave them all honey flavored lifesavers.
Nobody could get it, so he gave them a hint. "It might be what your mom calls your dad sometimes."

Little Johnny stands on his chair and yells, "Don't eat them! They're asshole flavored!!"

CRAP!

2010-11-03T21:38:00.001-07:00

A guy goes to the doctor and says, "Hello, I would like to be castrated."
"That's a lifechanging operation," says the doctor. "Are you sure you want to do it?"
"yes," says the man. "and if you refuse I'll go to another doctor."
"OK," says the doctor, "but it's against my advice."

So the man has his operation and he's walking around the hospital the next day with a bandage around his private area. Suddenly, he sees another man with the same thing. So he walks up to him and says, "Good afternoon, I see we got the same operation."
"Yes," says the other man, looking happy. "I've been wanting to get circumsized for 37 years, and I've finally done it."
The first man looks panicked and says, "Shit!! That's the word!"

Doctor Cartoon!

2010-11-03T21:37:00.000-07:00

Karate FAIL - Two Fails in One Vid haha!

2010-11-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

The Female Merit/Demerit System

2010-11-03T08:07:00.000-07:00

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the system is
set up.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

* You make the bed. (+1)

* You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow. (0)

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

* You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In the rain. (+8) But
return with Beer. (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)

* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)

* You pummel it with iron rod. (+10)

* It's her pet. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party. (0)

You stay by her side for a while and then leave to chat with a college
buddy. (-2)

Named Tina. (-10)

Tina is a dancer. (-20)

Tina has silicone implants. (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner. (+2)

You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)

Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie. (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes. (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)

You take her to a movie you like. (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter; you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]

You hesitate in responding. (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response. (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression. (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

Ever Wonder?

2010-11-03T07:53:00.000-07:00

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Blonde Guy

2010-11-03T07:50:00.000-07:00

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

Blonde and Horse

2010-11-03T07:48:00.001-07:00

A pretty blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune...

Bill, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Lady Gaga - Outfits WTF (Part 2)

2010-11-03T03:11:00.000-07:00

I don't even want to comment to that.

Surprise Party

2010-11-03T03:06:00.000-07:00

SUPER FART!!!1!

2010-11-03T03:05:00.000-07:00

Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3 - Play it on Not Doppler

2010-11-03T02:55:00.000-07:00

Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe 3 - Play it on Not Doppler