I Am Strong After All

I am positive.

2012-05-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

First week of April my doctor texted me asking me to visit the clinic, when I recieved her text I already thought that regarding the confirmatory test result. Unfortunately I can go there since I just starting with my training under new employeer. I told my doctor that I can't make it that week. My doctor's clinic is 2pm to 5 pm, and my work schedule is 2pm to 10 pm. I really wanted to see my doctor, but I don't have the courage to ask permission from my trainer. The fact that his my trainer and his not filipino scared me to ask permission. I was lucky that on my second week of training, my trainer is filipina and part of the previous program that I was with. So i talk to her, explain everything and ask permission. Our deal was I need to go to training first, log in, then if it's my time I with leave the training and go to my doctor.

I went out around 3.30 pm but my doctor is not yet around, so I waited. Luckily after 1 hour she arrived but I was not the first patient. So I waited 2 hours in total. I was nervous while waiting, but I am already conditioned my mind that the result was positive. And I was not wrong, It was positive. I'll post the result next time

It pisses me off!

2012-04-03T20:17:00.001-07:00

I really hate people with narrow mind and immature. WE CAN'T STOP HIV. BUT WE CAN AT LEAST PREVENT THE SPREAD OF THE VIRUS. THE BEST WAY IS TO EDUCATE PEOPLE NOT BUT POSTING SOMEONE ELSE'S PHOTO OF WHOM YOU SUSPECT TO HAVE HIV. OR POSTING PHOTO'S OF PEOPLE YOU HAVE HAD SEX BEFORE. This act is very immature and irrelevant.

Here's a conversation that pissed me off. Let just call him USER

1. USER 04. Apr. 2012 - 10:02

i was reading your blog. parang kelan ka lang na diagnose na reactive diba pero parang may mga signs and symptoms ka na?

2. HIV_Reactive 04. Apr. 2012 - 10:09

but it doesnt mean naman na bago rin lang yung virus sa katwan ko. i was thinking na i already have this for months.ever since

3.USER 04. Apr. 2012 - 10:15

is it possible na ma recall mo yung mga unprotected sex then kung taga PR i post mo yung account, or kung mag palitan kayo ng face pic privately post mo yung picture. this is not to pahiya yung guy na nagbigay sayo ng virus kundi para malaman ng lahat. if ever naman na negative sya ay ang dali lang naman magpa HIV test.. nakakatakot na kasi. at kung hahayaan lang sila ay lalo sila mambibiktima dito

4. HIV_Reactive 04. Apr. 2012 - 10:17

i would not do that. and i dont have the right.

5. USER 04. Apr. 2012 - 10:20

pero right ng mga inosenteng tao dito na malamn kung sino nagkakalat ng virus

6. HIV_Reactive 04. Apr. 2012 - 10:26

i know. that why me and other concern people educate people about the risk and how to prevent HIV. I am a police or court to post someone else's photo. me myself dont know who infected me or how i get the infection. i cant 100% say that I get thru sex since i had surgery and some medical procedures before.

HIV cant be stop by humiliating people. it can be stop be educating and practicing safe sex.

Argument.......

2012-04-03T18:39:00.000-07:00

Last saturday I went back to work after a month long leave. I got sick thats the reason why I went on leave. I was able to get a fit to work order from the doctor even though they want to rest for few more works since the damage on my lungs was tremendous. But I said I am alright and I will take all the medications and I will make sure that I'll go back for follow ups.

My first and second day was fine. I was able to close several sales. BTW, I work at night since I am working in a call center. On my third day I logged out 6 but I went out around 6 am. Everything was fine, I went to Alabang bus terminal to catch a bus going to Lipa. There's no Air-con bus so I decide to ride the ordinary bus. I felt aswell during the trip and probably after 30 to 45 minutes I woke up. Upon waking up I felt a pain in my head. It's like migraine but more painful. The focus of the pain is in the right side of my head. There is also an urge to commit and I was sweating big time. My current location was very far from my house. I was afraid to vomit inside the bus or to faint. So I remain seated. I calm myself and tried to sleep again. After 45 mins of pain inside the bus I got home and it was around 8 am. The headache get worst, as in really worst. I was crying when I arrived. My dad approached me and gave an ointment and he gave m mefenamic acid to ease the pain. I can't help but cry. The pain lasted till lunch time or maybe because I fell aswell. But when I woke up around 2 pm I can still pain the pain and its the same pain and my sweat was like pouring endless. I tried sleeping and luckily I was able to sleep. I woke around 6 pm and I tried to prepare for work but my dad told me not to go work. He was worried that I am stress and I might get sick again so I said yes. I texted my supervisor but it turned out to be something not really nice. Heres the conversation:

Me: Good pm boss. Sensya na I can't make it tonight. Nilalagnat ako at sobrang saking ulo ko, kanina pa tong tangahali di parin nawawala.

SUP: WOW, diba may fit to work ka na? Isang buwan kn nawala absent ka na naman?

Me: Boss, di ko talaga kaya. Nakaka dawalang mefenamic na ako di parin nawawala yung sakit. Yun fit work I insisted sa docto na ok na ako, pero they want to rest ng mas matagal. Pumayag sila as long as I take my meds.

SUP: Anu ba talaga!? Fit to work kb talaga? Alam mo bang me legal repercussion yang ginwa mo? Hindi ka pala fit to work pumapasok ka. Anung balak mong gawin sa attendance ng team?!

Me: Boss, ok na naman ako since asymptotic na yung pneumonia ko. di ko lang tlaga kaya,

SUP: SO, anytime na gusto mo umabsent aabsent dahil masama pakiramdam mo? Yan nga yun iniiwasan eh.Kung hindi k p tlaga ok edi sana hindi ka muna pumasok. Wala kapang isang linggo pumapasok absent ka naman. Anu gusto mo ipaliwanag ko kay boss.

ME: Boss last na to. di ko na talaga kaya.

SUP: Narinig ko na yan.

I opted not to reply anymore. And I dont know what to feel anymore.

Wondering.........

2012-03-25T23:10:00.000-07:00

Photo: theemotionmachine.com

It's been almost a month now since I took a long leave from work. I miss working. I miss talking to my co-workers, to my friends, no strangers and to my customer. I don't know if I can still answer calls and close a sale. I feel that my sales skill has faded.

I still have one more week of vacation. In the meantime I'll make use of every minutes and hours that I have to rest and to help.

Pretty Amazing

2012-03-25T10:20:00.004-07:00

As of March 26, 2012 1:22 AM MNL, My PR profile got a total of 706 views.

Amazing. Thank you again Guys!

An letter to Mom and Dad.

2012-03-25T05:36:00.001-07:00

Mother and Son

It's been couple of this since my initial HIV testing come out but I have not tell my parents about the test or the result. I am writing an open letter for my parents. I am hoping that they will be able to read this letter. And I am hoping that I will find the courage to tell them.

Letter to my parents:

Thank You!

2012-03-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

I started my PR account just 2 days ago and It is very overwhelming. Thank you to all who viewed and read my profile

I would also like to extend my greatest gratitude to those whose send inspiring messages.

My hope is to have everyone tested to avoid the spread of HIV/AIDS.

I heard the news!

2012-03-24T21:13:00.000-07:00

It was officially last March 21, 2012 when I heard the news that I have REACTIVE HIV test results. A confirmatory test is needed to confirm that I am a HIV+ host, and its going to be in a couple of weeks. When I heard the news from the doctor I don't have an initial reaction. I was smiling the whole time she was discussing things to me. I think di ko pa rin naabsorb ang lahat. I have not cried yet. With all of this happening, I am taking things positively. I going to live my life to the fullest but with all the safety precautions. I am here to advocate and to educate people about HIV. I can answer your questions and accept all the support. As of the moment I have been receiving positive feedback from some users. I have been answering questions getting feedback and more. You can catch me in Planetromeo and my username is HIV_Reactive

Let me end this with a quote:

"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. And I hope that universe don't judge me."