i am the Great Big Mouth.

wisteria

2012-10-23T19:19:00.001-06:00

I am not my hair
Nor my svelte frame
I am not this fragile face
Of sheltered limbs and space
I am not an empty shell
who submits to society's blackmail
I am not my tattooes
Of false representation and
hidden taboos
I hang around as a flightless bird
not a tumbleweed, not one of the herd
A scorned woman
Whose truth cloaks her with strength
And a heart that grounds her to be human.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

suitcase

2012-10-20T01:27:00.001-06:00

I will hold your hand
just like the first time
I will forgive you
like it didn't hurt
I will cling to your truth
like you never falter
I will unpack my suitcase
like I have just moved in
forget all my futile attempts at leaving
will you vow to keep us together?
will you stay?
or will you pretend just like me?
packing, unpacking
what a vicious cycle.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

IN MY OWN WORDS

2012-10-11T02:24:00.001-06:00

What the world really needs is people who are sensible enough to identify the cause of human suffering. Kind and generous are good qualities but we need more than that. We need people who are driven, people who care enough to fuel our passion, to fight against all lies, corruption and oppression. To cut the root and put an end to ignorance.

Poverty, among all other things, I believe, is not the main cause of human suffering, it is rather the effect of passivity. The lack of courage to fight for truths in life. Failure to exercise your human rights is a form of abuse, as you are depriving yourself of living a decent life, with well-deserved freedom and dignity. And that creates a pattern. It's like a contagious disease, from one person to an entire generation of people who fear to make a change and go against a system.

You keep moaning about being poor since you were born, about being a victim of social injustice, etc. etc...But have you actually done something about it? Or did you just sit back and let things happen? Displaced your frustration by blaming others for your suffering and misfortune, to make you feel less guilty of your inaction.
It's your attitude or (the lack thereof,) that actually makes the problem or the solution.

Yes, you may be poor, but realize that you may be denied of all privileges, there is still that one thing no person can ever deprive you of; and that is to think freely and independently. That's the only sense of autonomy you get to exercise as an 'underprivileged citizen.' It is the only thing that makes all human beings equal; the right to think responsibly for ourselves. So let us take pride in that.

And no, don't tell me you don't have a choice. I strongly believe that no one in this world is left without a choice. It shouldn't be as complicated when you only have two simple options: You either go with it or go against it. Only you can define your own truths and realise them. You can't be too afraid to make the right choice if you want CHANGE.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

The Scent of Magnolia

2012-09-27T21:31:00.001-06:00

it's too easy to walk away
leave her black and blue
it's too easy to come back
beg for forgiveness
like you care that
there's another one
on the way
like you could kiss them
aches and pains away
conceal the terror
within these four walls
you call home
it's not the same, Bill
she's not the same
she's grown a little discreet
a little cold and fearless...
but she'd cook you breakfast
just the same
she'd smell like magnolia
like the good old days
not reeking of fear and phobia
not feeling out of place
"you seem a little queasy, Bill..."
she muttered
whilst staring at him blankly
mapping out his anatomy in her head
"had the suitcase ready for your journey my dear..."
"No, hun. I'm not off to another conference."
as he looked puzzled.
she wasted no time
took out the knife
she had stashed from
her apron pocket
aimed for his throat
smiled at the look
of fear in his eyes.
Quietly, she whispered to herself,
"Hurting stops here. No more unborn
babies, no more cuts and bruises, no more bulimia, no more nasty names, no more."

~ beautifulbruises©2012

Posted 25/08/12 (01:31)

emily

2012-09-27T20:45:00.001-06:00

her short, succinct aphorisms
lacking titles, slant rhymes
"ambitiously classical for a Victorian girl"
reclused and reluctant
white clothing, somewhat a decided penchant
unorthodox
maybe a little deviant
she is my passion
a lifetime solace
my Emily Dickinson.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

Caffeine

2012-09-06T20:57:00.001-06:00

gloomy sky morning
calls for a wee bit of contemplating
would be nice too for cannabis sativa
but hell, this organic herb is nonpsychotomimetic
breeds hypersomnia,, cause: idiopathic
I guess I'll settle with my cup of sugary caffeine
listen to weezer, survive Friday mundane.:)
~ beautifulbruises©2012

Home

2012-09-05T06:45:00.001-06:00

"I'm home."

Ironic how I often say these words
Like I have fully grasped its meaning
Is it nothing more than these structure,
Walls, windows, and ceiling?

I have always sought shelter
Built on stability and undividedness
Where love resides
Echoes of chimes and laughter

I have always wandered
Searching for warmth in strangers
Like a moth to a flame
A lost child inside a woman's frame

I have always bargained
Despite the stakes too high
With my torn edges
I'm barely worth a dime.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

oh, me

2012-08-22T02:30:00.001-06:00

i know i'm a bit unhinged
to be nostalgic
about my personal discord
where vulnerability meets
nonchalance
lost sense of reality
yet it's so real
reminiscent of my
deep, dark corners
my nervous breakdown.
not too long
after I let myself
crumble to pieces
I could start rebuilding
my empire
piece by piece
every little block
intricate, with such uniqueness
despite
the irregularities and incongruence
I would proudly call it my own
thick-skinned
resting on titanium spine
I am built to last.

~ beautifulbruises©

i ❤ you

2012-08-16T02:06:00.001-06:00

i love you
like sunrise
the warmth and comfort
i wake up to

i guess i caused you to grieve
i caused us to fall apart
now it's choking me
because i can't breathe without you
it's not that i can't find another you
it's easy
i just look at any guy
and i see you

I love you
like sunset
the pain and regret
i fall asleep to.

~ beautifulbruises ©

Ana Erobic

2012-06-24T01:40:00.001-06:00

the subtle coercion
asphyxiates just the same
the breathing room
with barely a hole in it
and a force
pulling like centrifuge
bone-dry ventricles
no CSF to fuel
my vertebrae refuse to arch
vasoconstricted, unoxygenated
inclined to squirm
my cell-mediated survival.

~ beautifulbruises©

the truth to a lie

2012-06-20T00:42:00.001-06:00

don't look to me
for the truth
because it's ruthless
and I'm not strong enough
to be the person
who breaks it to you
I will never be the one
who could live it through
the numbing easiness in lies
from the cold glare in my eyes
look away
never thought I'd see the day
enclasped by a dark cloud
let it rain
let it wash away my guilt
lay my poor little weary head to slumber
thou hast never known tranquility
thou hast ceased to comfort me

~ beautifulbruises©

Raggedy Ann

2012-06-18T00:31:00.001-06:00

you wear him like you wear
your heart on your sleeve
he doesn't really fit right
a very tight collar
who chokes you to bulimia
stained pockets
and torn at the seam
you don him
like he's the coolest outfit
'distressed' fashion trend
that matches your smudged lipstick
smokey eyes highlights your gloom
he anchors his arm around you
as if he bought you
labeled you with his name
yes, you're right up
Tinseltown's block
gleaming glamour
Faux perfection!

~ beautifulbruises©

Manila Hemp

2012-06-17T20:55:00.001-06:00

you wear life
like a water buffalo in a carriage
face covered in mud and muck
from a long strenuous day at the azucarera
an old haciendero for a poor provinciana
que barbaridad!
may-december affair it is
but reality is crumbling like landslide
hits you with hunger pangs
and growing debts
farming gets you nowhere
crops have died as el niño hit
the Aquino's augmented the interest
thirty percent more
fourth grade in the barrio
won't get you a decent job
"if I cling to him, things will probably
get better."
high-end querida
ten thousand pesos a month
with seven mouths to feed
poverty stole your innocence
to trade your body
at an hourly rate
"if I do it more often,
maybe I'll get more.
then little Pedro can
go back to school
won't have to sell
sampaguita in the streets
no more."

~ beautifulbruises©

memento mori

2012-06-15T23:37:00.001-06:00

half past three
she appeared to me
like the ghost in my nightmare
forewarning the doom
abound the stillness
of a memory
that sleeps, but rests not.
disguised like an angel
with the purity of all intentions
must I dare to question
the bearer of the seed
or the womb that succumbed
to breed
conceived out of compromise
she coiled the cord around the baby's neck
mourned her early demise
but the child isn't gone
I said a little prayer
from her shallow grave
I set her free
I am her waking memory.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

polarities

2012-06-13T21:40:00.001-06:00

bingeing cause me to be empty
the merriment of my intoxicated anger
purging fill me with such content
the joy of relief that moves me to tears.
my dark illumines just as much
as my spark obscures
'tis my sadness that brings me depth
'tis my happiness that gives me height.
~ beautifulbruises©

empty by default

2012-06-09T21:12:00.001-06:00

i'm never bitter
never clingy
i gave way to her
when I gave way to you
the worst of all my fears
was to get caught offguard
just when I had changed
all my plans
moved to the city
with barely a penny
to be with a boy
who seem to be so carefree
I guess it's one of them days
when even a soft breeze
would make me fall over
a stare would pierce
through my soul
illuminate my dark
stitch up my tattered pieces
purge me
numb me
reset me
by default
~ beautifulbruises©

shiver

2012-06-08T19:28:00.001-06:00

missed the last train
from Clapham Junction
30 seconds late
and 6 hours away to the
first train to Sutton
enduring the biting -3 centigrade
chasing that fire
that little chance of you and me
trying to buy myself out
an alibi that isn't too far-fetched
that negotiates with my truth
grants my heart's desires
oh the bargaining
my sweet little sleazebag.

woman

2012-05-16T19:45:00.001-06:00

this ain't Rihanna,
this ain't a whore swag
this verse is for women
who fight for the real cause
domestic abuse,
sex trafficking,
gender discrimination,
ageism,
and all the other isms.
this ain't a woman
who just takes a man's seed
as well as his curses
and fears his fist.
this is a woman,
who's got her own thing
pays her bills
and buys her bling
a homemaker
a social worker
a professor
a mother
an artist.
a woman,
with a tongue like blade,
courage of steel,
but with a soft heart
that nurtures and heals
yes, I am a woman
I like roses
but I prefer a revolution.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

my blasphemy

2012-05-08T23:48:00.001-06:00

i curse more
everyday
from unspeakable terror
of discrimination
the laws of the land
and the so-called upper hand
the lies about
the common good
from the tongues
of satanic pacifists,
preachy pedophiliac priests,
and the modern day pharisees
like cyanide seeping into
the bloodstream of humanity
asphyxiating our brothers
and sisters
to succumb or die
to be one of the herd
"thou shall not
yoke with unbelievers"
as it was written
speak no evil
follow his will
save your blood
save your life.

~ beautifulbruises©

Catch-22

2012-05-08T00:20:00.001-06:00

I'm dysfunctional
I hate how I get
so emotionless
I don't want to
feel anything
but this coldness
in my heart

now he's leaving me
I stood by the door
drenched in tears~
but I was not crying
just an automatic
defense mechanism
and not because I felt
sorry for my lacking
but for all my fears
laid bare without
someone to cling to
someone who loves me enough
to get naked with me
without shame

life for me is easy
been living it with my eyes shut
whereas love is another story
it is never without hurting
never without leaving scars
for just you or me.

~ beautifulbruises©

sometimes...

2012-05-06T20:13:00.001-06:00

sometimes I feel so nauseous
thinking about
all the sweet nothings
I know will eventually
end up in nothing sweet

sometimes I feel like my mum
so hardcore
a very self reliant career woman
who passed around men
like a karaoke microphone
smart, twisted and dark.

sometimes I feel like my dad
the emotionally crippled
who couldn't drive
without asking for directions
insecure, fidgety, temperamental.

sometimes I feel like a child
without a care in the world
who doesn't like to be told but doesn't
know what to do
hyperactive, innocent, reckless.

sometimes I feel like a man
shallow and easy
who desires without the ball and chain
get laid, wake up
get up and leave
an animal, simple.

~ beautifulbruises©

Run

2012-05-03T18:17:00.001-06:00

waking up to gloomy London skies
casting a shadow on my little spark
breeding narcolepsy
caffeine, exhale life into me
help me survive Monday mundane
take me away
i'd love a walk in the park
in Kensington or Richmond
but a Barclays cycle hire would be so much better
because I really meant escape
i'd fill your void
if you would cover up my tracks
leave no trace of me
gone forever
my soul set free.

~ beautifulbruises©2012

poisoned apple

2012-04-28T06:33:00.001-06:00

belittled
maligned
outraged.
moral decline, what do you know?
melancholic
powerless
doomed.
social outcast, who gives a fuck?
dead before I took my life away
of pain and painkillers
a nauseating cycle
merry-go-round
euphoria, my 5-minute friend
threw up and i am
down the drain again
unfathomed emptiness
of neurons and delayed reuptakes
clinical
psychological
emotional
you tell me.

Spring

2012-04-27T21:15:00.001-06:00

spring--
so pensive yet transitory
a little breezy
a little warm
all the flowers start to bloom
but it makes me feel emptier
as there's just too much room
for consciousness
the bitterness
the aching
i wish i never had
and it's all mine to bear
nostalgia
my hostile companion
~ beautifulbruises©
May 2010, Sutton Green

f*ck off

2012-04-27T20:53:00.001-06:00

don't worry about me
i have a weird way of
getting around things
with my twisted theories
and false philosophies
i'll be alright
so, don't come around
asking how i am
you pathetic
consummate liar

~ beautifulbruises©
October 2010