I Am Wearing My Big Girl Panties

I tried to bribe my daughter with a puppy

2014-08-09T11:22:00.001-07:00

Yes I tried to bribe my daughter with a puppy. Let me add that she is 23 and lives 30 hours away in a places she loves and a job she loves. I was bribing her to come back home to a town that has NO jobs or future possibilities.

I am horrible selfish mom.

I just miss her so much and it is 30 HOURS AWAY!

What it she gets married a has kids there? My grandbabies will be 30 HOUR AWAY!

I don't want to be so selfish, but I can't help but think about an we are missing out on.

It never gets easy

Oh she said no to the puppy but she would really think about it if it was a new car.

Walk Away

2014-07-29T19:44:00.000-07:00

The most important thing you can learn to do is walk away. Unfortunately, it also seems to be one of the hardest.

Walk away from your past. You don't live their anymore. You can't change it, so forget it. You don't want to get stuck in the past and miss out on the present.

Walk away from people who don't belong in your life. Surround yourself with positive people. Don't allow drama or negativity in your life.

Walk away from sadness. Life is short. Enjoy everyday.

Happiness is a choice you make every day. Sometimes it mean you have to walk away

check out my other blog Letting God Drive

I don't watch the news

2014-07-29T03:42:00.001-07:00

I don't watch the new anymore. when I tell people this I get the strangest looks. How will I know what is going on in the world? The truth is, I don't want to know.

Our county is going to hell in hand basket and there is nothing I can do to change it. There is only on person that can save our county, and our government has banned Him.

We are at the mercy of that government

I don't read the paper either

Loss of control and anxiety

2014-07-26T20:08:00.001-07:00

One of the steps I am taking for myself is talking to a therapist. I think a lot of my anxiety is bought on when I feel a loss of control.

When I am at home, I have control. When I go out of my home, I no longer can control what will happen.

Well this is just a thought that I would like to run by the therapist.

I used to have little faith in therapy. However, the place I am in now has changed my feelings. My med are not the issue. I need to do the rest of the work myself. I am hoping the therapist can give me some tools to work with. I can do this. I feel happy

My funk

2014-07-25T02:36:00.001-07:00

I am sorry that I haven't written but I am In a funk. My depression and anxiety are rearing their ugly head. I am not sure why they popped in but I have been trying to get them to leave. If I write about them, maybe they will leave.

One thought on why they stopped by: I am 44, I had hysterectomy nine months ago and gained 50 lbs. My kids are all gone and I don't know what I want to do with my life. So I lay in bed, watching TV, and waiting to die. See, aren't you glad I haven't been writing?

Seriously, this a depressing time in life. I also know If I could get out of my funk, this could be a really exciting time. Ugh!

What to do. What. to. do,

Im going to take a nap and think on it some more.

Mothers

2014-05-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Mothers Day

This is the day we celebrate hardest job on earth, being a mother.

As mothers, our goal is to give our children a perfect life. The problem is that there is no such thing as a perfect life. Does this mean that we all fail as mothers? I used to beat myself up over things that I wished I had done different, and mistakes I made. I finally realized that I wasn't perfect. I did the best I could with what I had and when I knew better, I did better. I forgave myself for not being a perfect mother because there is no such person.

I did my job as a mother. My children know that they are and will always be loved unconditionally.

Job done.

Social Anxiety

2014-04-22T03:03:00.001-07:00

I am not a snob. I am not rude. I have social anxiety.

People with social anxiety are often dismissed by others as being "stuck up". They often loose friends because they bail on social outings at the last minute. It is not because we don't want to go. We try very hard to get the courage up to go, usually up to the last minute. When my kids were younger, I remember other mothers would say I was a bad parent because I didn't make it to every activity. It was an extremely stressful time.

As I got older, it was just easier to limit friendships. I also stopped accepting most invitations, because then I didn't stress out over trying not to disappoint anyone. My social circle got smaller, and so did my world. I had a friend tell me one time that if I stopped socializing I would disappear. She was right, I did. What I should have done was tell my friends why I was the way I was. I had social anxiety. I guess i thought it was better to be thought of as a rude, snobby person, then to admit I had a problem that I had no control over.

I am changing that crazy way of thinking because I want to rejoin life. The more I give in to my anxiety, the harder it becomes to get over it.

Life begins outside our comfort zone. For someone with social anxiety, that sucks. It is also the only way to overcome it. Take it one breath at a time. Start small but keep going. The first step is to tell your friends. This is what I am going to do.

If you don't have social anxiety, but you know someone who fits this description, ask them. Don't push them away, help them join life.

My New Money Venture

2014-04-14T22:10:00.002-07:00

I have always wanted to flip houses. Now I think I have found something that is going to get me flipping!

It is not just houses. I am going to be a flipping fool!
First I am going to have to tell my husband of my new venture.

Am I a Christian?

2014-04-14T02:36:00.000-07:00

Am I a Christian? I guess, I have never technically looked up the word. So I looked it up on Wikipedia. Not a lot of help, but basically it is people who believe in Christ. There was more to it but it was over my head. So technically I would be a Christian.

But for some reason, I don't feel its the right word for me. Its a good word and God probably likes it, but I don't feel it describes me and what I believe my relationship with God is. I think I have a problem with it being a categorizing word. It is a group of people who love and believe in the awesome Christ. That includes me, but I have my own unique relationship with God.

I have always felt awkward with saying I am a Christian. It is not because I am ashamed or embarrassed. I love God and I will shout that to the world. To me saying I am a Christian puts more of an emphasis on me and what I am claiming to be. It does not matter what I claim to be, I am only what God says I am.

I went to a Christian Woman's workshop and it was very good, but I could feel myself cringe every time they would refer to a speaker as a beautiful Christian woman. I'm Not saying that they were not Christian women who loved God. I just feel like the saying "I am a Christian" is sometimes used to impress instead of humbly proclaiming to serve God. Maybe that is what my problem with the claim. Claiming that your a Christian should not make you proud, it should make you humble.

I am a humble child of a Heavenly Father that loves me with unconditional love, a Father that has shown me love even when I am unworthy, a Father that I love with my entire soul and will forever be his.

I don't know if I will ever feel right about saying I am a Christian.

I am His child and He is my Father. What I am, is whatever He needs me to be.

For a update on this post Visit my Blog: Letting God Drive

Now I listen when he whispers

2014-04-14T00:35:00.001-07:00

When I was younger I went to church and I thought I believed in God. Maybe I just knew I was supposed to, I am not sure. As I grew up, I kind of forgot about him. When I went to college and had to take a philosophy class, I decided that I no longer really believed in him. This was how the next 20 years went. I did not raise my children in church when they were young. I decided to let them develop their own belief.

This is hard for me to write, because it is the biggest regret in my life.

The details of the events that changed my world are still not ready to come out. I will have to tell that story later.

What I will say for now is that I have told my children, that I can promise there is a God and He is more amazing the words can say. I can make this promise because I know him and I hear him. I know that I cannot run my own life, I am not very good at it. I let God drive instead. It works out so much better. I listen to his advice and do my best to follow.

When we are going down a path that is harmful and in the opposite direction of the path God wants for us, he does warn us. First he whispers, then he talks, and finally he shouts. I stupidly did not listen until the shout. That was a big mistake. I made a real mess of my life. My advice, listen for the whisper.

I met God during a really hard time in my life. I caused the pain I was going through and I sure would not have believed that God would have anything to do with me after I denied him for so long. He was there waiting. Waiting for me to listen. I went through hell, my family went through hell, before I heard God and let him help me. I don't think I would change it though. I don't think I would have the relationship that I have with God now if I hadn't went through all that I did. I guess I'm just stubborn that way. I regret putting my family through hell, but I know that He was there for them as well. I know that I had to go through it. He had to show me a little Hell to show me Heaven.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still not where He wants me to be. I still screw up. Now I know that he is there waiting for me and He will help me find my way and fix my screw ups. I will never be perfect but He does not expect me to be. I am his child, he loves me unconditionally. I do know that I never again want him to shout, even though the shout was necessary and out of love for me.

My son ask, how do you hear God?

Have you ever struggled with a problem that you could not figure out and then all of a sudden the answer just pops in your head? Its like that. When I struggle with a problem, I ask God. Then I wait quietly.

My point is, It doesn't matter what you have done, where you are in life, or even if you don't believe in him, he is with you, waiting. You can ask for help and he will help. You may not believe in him but he believes in you. When I asked for help, I did so because I didn't know where else to turn. I still did not believe but I thought what the hell, I was desperate. He was just waiting and I finally met God. My life was changed. I can't ever feel hopeless again. I don't have to be afraid.

Do yourself a favor, even if you thinks its crazy, ask God to show you what he can do in your life. Think of it as a challenge. What can it hurt? I promise you will be amazed and your life will be changed forever.

I recommend this book

Something went horribly wrong.

2014-04-13T22:42:00.001-07:00

The plan was that my 40's would be my time to shine! Kids would be grown and venturing out on there own. I was also going to be thin and healthy. I would have the bikini body to show off on the many beach vacations my husband and I would be taking. I had it planned. It was gonna be awesome.

I am now 44. I won't be going to any beach. The thin, healthy things is a little harder then I thought it would be to obtain. Apparently I like food, especially chocolate and pasta. I also don't really like to diet very well and exercise is better in theory.

I discovered also that just because your children are old enough to move out, does not necessarily mean they will. I cried when my kids left. I did not know i would also cry because they didn't. I love my children. I can also love them from across town while they are in their own house, paid for with their own money that they obtained from a job.

To add more excitement, I had a hysterectomy this year. I won't go in to details but sexy and fabulous is not a feeling you come away with.

So, I am starting a new plan. The Venus Factor

50 will be my time to shine!

I will get back into a bikini this summer!

The Good, The Bad, and The Really Bad

2014-04-13T21:59:00.002-07:00

Life is messy. Messy can be interesting. It can also be hard, embarrassing, glorious, fun, scarey and everything in between. We were each given a life period. This life came without promises of wealth, fun, excitement, joy, etc. We create our path. We are solely responsible for this life.

It is easier to find someone else to blame when our life goes off track. Divorce, money problems, addiction, and any other mess that affects your life, was created by choices you made. Not your parents, boss, spouse, or society. Your situation comes from choices, right or wrong, good or bad, that were made by you. So why do so many people feel entitled to put the blame on everyone except where it really belongs.

I have made many mistakes in my life. I own them. I may not want to and it really can suck to have to admit that you are not perfect, but I do. I cant blame my childhood, my spouse, or my boss. My choices caused whatever mess i was dealing with at the time.

Life is made up of choices and your not always going to make the right one. Being an adult means realizing that you chose wrong, owning it, and choosing another path, hopefully a better one.. See it, Own it, Change it. If you sit in your mess with your hand held out for someone else to fix it, you will wait your life away. Letting others fix your life, might get you by for a while. It won't change your life. Its only a patch. You can't move forward until you fix the tire.

Forget about the past, its gone. Decide you are going to be happy everyday. Enjoy the ride.

Choosing Happiness

2014-03-24T16:34:00.001-07:00

Being happy is a choice. It is not dependent on your life situations. People, events, and life issues that you have to deal with, are a part of life. You don't have control over them. How you let them effect your life is your choice.

By choosing to be happy, you must change the way you deal with life's problems.

The most important lessons to remember is this:

Happiness is found in the present. This is where you need to be living your life. The past is over and it can't be changed so stop any regrets you have. The future hasn't been decided yet so you cant worry about what may never be. Living in the present is the most important key to being happy.

Now make a list of all the things that make you unhappy. If they are things in your past or worries about the future, mark them off. They are no longer a part of your new life. You may be surprised at how short Your list has become now.

What is left are issues that are affecting your life in the present. The goal is eliminating any stress that the present issues are causing. By making a plan to deal with these issues, the stress will go away.

Here are a few tips to a happy life:

-Live in the present.
-Don't stress over things you cant control.
-Pick you battles.
-Simplify your life.
-Do only what makes you happy
-Get rid of people and things that are not enriching your life.
-Mistakes are a learning experience.
-What other people think about you is more of your business.
-Live a fit and healthy life s+yle.
-Become a person with a life that you love,

A Healthy and happy life, starts from within

2014-03-24T08:13:00.001-07:00

Happiness starts on the inside. Find out who you are now, and what you want your life to be.

For two years I was deeply depressed. I hated life. I had no joy. I wanted something to make me happy again. My kids were starting their own life and I felt like mine was ending. I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't feel like I had a purpose. my life was stressful and sad. All I wanted to do was hide away from everyone and everything. I knew I could not live like this much longer. I was slowly dying from the inside out. Something had to change. I was waiting for something to change it. However, the change was not happening and my depression was still running my life. The waiting was my first mistake.

I took a while but through my misery, I finally figured out that happiness is a choice that I alone had to make. This is when things started changing. Step by step my life was getting better. And even though I had a lot of work to do, I was happy.

Every morning, no matter what is happening in my life, I choose to be happy.

If your life isn't making you happy, the steps to change it are very simple. Choose to be happy and take the steps to become happy.

Midlife Transition

2014-02-11T13:45:00.001-08:00

In November I turned 44. Kids are leaving the nest.

What now? No idea.

The crazy thing is, I can do anything I want for the first time in my life.

This is my time .

Now all I have to do is convince myself.

I have been in my comfort Zone for to long. I have to get out to find my life.

Life starts outside of You comfort zone

The first step is to define your comfort zone. Where or what keeps you feeling safe? Safety is good but too much can keep you from moving forward. Try new experiences that you would not normally feel comfortable doing.

My comfort zone right now is very small, so it will take smaller steps to get out.

Once you define your comfort zone, make a list of things you can do that will take you out. Then start conquering the list.

Just blame it on the dog

2014-02-07T13:37:00.001-08:00

Social media tells us how the younger generation expects something for nothing. They feel an entitlement. I, the mother of children from this new generation, agree. What I don't hear is why these children feel this way. Who raised these children?

Entitlement seems to be the norm, not only with the children, but with the parents who raised them.

Our parents and grandparents would have done anything or any job before taking welfare. Today, people are proud to pop out that welfare card.

Being a "hard worker" used to be something to be proud of. Sadly, that is no longer the case.

The Internet is full of promises of big money with no work.

What happened? How can we be proud of our country when we should not be proud of ourselves?
It is no wonder our government is a hot mess, we became lazy and stopped caring until it was to late.

"We The People" became "I"

So who do we blame?

Put On Your Big Girl Panties and Deal With It

2014-02-07T13:33:00.001-08:00

When my kids were little, most of there quarrels would end with "But its not fair". My response was always the same; "Life is not fair, so get used to it". Well apparently "Its not fair" is no longer just for kids.

I guess I misinformed my children. My response should have been; "Life is not fair, so when it doesn't go your way, bitch and moan until it does." Kids have to be confused.

Is everything supposed to be fair? Was that a promise made by God?

Recently I had two friends that were dealing with two different types of loss. Two mothers, one lost a child in death, the other, to prison. Both mothers were grieving there children. The difference was this: The mother, whose child was sent to prison, looked at how the justice system took her child away. It was hard to even be around her because of the anger and pity. She could not get pass the feeling of how unfair life was.

I never heard, from my other friend who's child died, that life was unfair. She grieved and she remembered her child. When asked how she was making it through, she said; "God doesn't promise a life without pain but he promises to hold us up when the pain is to hard to handle on our own. I can do this because God is holding me up."

Life is a ride. Where it takes you and how bumpy it gets, does not matter because you have no control. The only thing that you can control is how you ride it.

I would now change my response to my children; "Its life, and there will be some bumps. Don't worry because God will ride with you."

Gods Facebook Status: SMH...

2014-02-07T13:29:00.000-08:00

I can't help but think about God, looking down on his creation in 2014, and wonder what he is thinking. Most people would say he is sad and disappointed. I think he is so far past that. I truly think all he can do is just shake his head is amazement at how we have made such a stupid mess of things.

So... I find myself wondering about the thought process of people who reside in the two houses on the hill.

When they were asking for our votes, the majority proclaimed to believe in God and his Word. Once they were elected, they place their hand on the bible and took their oath. This tells me that they know what is written in that book, especially the end.

So I thought I might just send the following letter to Washington:

To the occupants residing in the two houses on the hill:

I understand you are no longer worried about the rights and feelings of the American people.
There is not much we can do about the decisions you make. You have made yourselves pretty much untouchable. I know that you no longer feel the need to justify your choices to the people, and this is none of my business. However, curiosity sometimes gets the best of me, so I am just wondering how you are planning to justify your choices to God.

How will you justify talking him out school? Removing his name from our currency? Talking him out of our public buildings? You claimed to believe in God and Heaven, so do you think he will allow you in after you have shut him out?

It may be wrong, but i really would like to know how that conversation is going to go.

Don't worry about replying, I was just curious.

Sincerely,
Jen

Wouldn't you just love to hear their answer?

And yes, I'm sure God is SMH at this post, but he knows me so I don't think he is too surprised.