I .... atomic number 53

The Ring

2011-09-29T21:02:00.001+05:30

Prologue:

It was my day off from office but the mail bug kept wiggling. I logged in to company LAN for checking my mail box. I responded to few critical requests and then thought of checking my personal mails as it had been a week since I visited yahoo.

Seventy new mails …. Promotion offers, newsletters, icici direct announcements …. I started deleting unwanted mails. Somewhere in the middle, there was a stunner.

“Hi Aakash!

You must be wondering why I resurrected an old mail thread with all those sweet and casual talk. It must be puzzling for you to read mails from that same girl who never returned any of your sms, mails and even turned down your requests to meet for coffee…..

Well… couple of months back, my parents received a matrimonial proposal from your father. So I was wondering if you are still looking for someone appropriate.

Waiting for your reply,
Sheetal”

I was stunned. I was back in Pune after a short visit to Australia and least expected a mail from Sheetal. Memories flooded my already cluttered mind and I drifted in slumber ……

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Chapter 1:

I was at the Cafe Coffee Day table fiddling with my cell phone, occasionally glancing around. I had reached the cafe well ahead of time and minutes seemed to take entire hour to pass. Storm of thoughts was brewing up in my mind and I didn't know whether words would spill out of mouth in front of ...... her.

She paused at the entrance sweeping the entire cafe with her eyes till they found me. She gave one of those there-you-are cute smiles and walked over to the table. She was looking even more beautiful today. She moved through the maze of tables and gracefully slid into chair in front of me. Same selection of soft color Punjabi dress; embroidered at the neck just enough so as not to look loud. She had tied her hair and a plait arched on her forehead. Occasionally it would fall over her right eye which she would elegantly move it behind her ear while continuing to talk or listen. This was the fourth time we were meeting in last two weeks. I knew that sooner or later we would get to the subject which I was trying to avoid as much as possible. Finally she asked......

I told her not to get upset or angry or freak out after listening to my thoughts and ideas. I really wouldn't like to see her in any of those moods. I started......

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Chapter 2:

I used to drive past you by the bus stop every Tuesday and Thursday morning. We had chemistry practicals early in the morning during junior college. Dressed in a sober Punjabi dress or a foliage printed skirt with contrasting top, you always made your presence felt, but did not ignite any special feelings in me. Many a times I felt like asking if I could drop you to college, but was never able to muster up courage for two reasons. Firstly, we never spoke with each other even after being in the same college and tuitions. You were always alone and I was always with my group. It was a double edged sword: approaching a lone girl and that too in front on my entire group. Secondly, I knew your sister through a common friend, but could never breach the discussion about you. There are some friendships where you cannot cross the undrawn line !

Life went on. I completed junior college and took up engineering. I did keep on crossing you once or twice a year at least. My professional life kept me occupied with work mostly out of Pune on deputation to client site. For the first year I was in India and after that my visits abroad increased. You still remained ... somewhere deep rooted in my mind... can say my heart.... camouflaged by shadows of success, failures, achievements and catastrophes both in personal and professional life.

We started off on a pretty nasty note. I was back in India for a short term to get my visa extended. We first met at a common friend's get-together. I expressed my interest in getting to know you better with the intent of settling down in life. The next evening that we spent together at CCD was a disaster. You were freaked out on something or someone and most of the meeting went about with you venting out the anger and frustration on me. Frankly I could not believe what I was experienced. Your views about boys, Indians staying abroad, male chauvinism and institution called as marriage etc. By the time I dropped you home, I knew that the meet hadn't really been the way it was supposed to be. I had an entirely different picture of you in my mind but it seemed that I misread you.

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Chapter 3:

Lot of things happened during next year. Recession in US cost me my job. I was working in a niche domain and the economic slowdown caught the company on wrong foot. I had to make a decision on whether to come back to India or hunt for another job in US itself..... It was a test to check the strength of my financial savings. I survived and faced it without bowing my head or spreading my hands. During that time one thing worked to my advantage. I was able to differentiate between my well-wishers and parasites. The next was the court case against my family by our ex-business partner. I and my family came lived through it too. No doubt such experiences make you tough, but at the same time they make you numb. I became stone cold to my core after enduring the wrath thrown at me. Call it my positive attitude or will to learn from my mistakes.... I always searched for lessons from all these experiences. I might be reiterating this for nth time, but I am an intricate personality. The reason behind becoming complex is not the circumstances through which I have been.... but the way I sailed my boat through these tidal waves understanding the flow and cause of each event.

Then it seemed that things were getting back on track. Good things started happening around me. I got appraised and met a nice girl. We decided to settle down, but destiny had something else in mind for me. When everything is heading your way then it means you are heading the wrong way ! The marriage was called off. Come to think of it now, when I deliberate on how life would have been had I married her; it would have definitely been a catastrophe. You tend to overlook subtle differences when you are in love.... blind love to be precise. But these small differences mess up big time.

I feel things won't work between us......

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Chapter 4:

She hadn't even blinked throughout my rambling session. After a dead pause, which seemed to last for an entire hour, she narrated her side of the story.

The last time we met at CCD, I found you to be of the I-know-it-all attitude. Your talks about onsite visits, work atmosphere, outings to different places did not invoke any special feelings within me. I felt the whole evening was more like a catching up with foreign-return friends. Especially those, who have nothing else to talk except life in US, cars, iPods and vacation in Europe. I did not get any positive vibrations during the time we spent together and hence I resorted to freaking out on some third person so as to cut the evening short. To put it in simple words ... you did not 'click'.

Then I met this wonderful guy. He was also in US. He did not want to work in US; but liked occasional visits there. Originally from Nagpur, he was working in software MNC in Pune. I liked his passionate talks about forts in Maharashtra, trekking groups, dream to scale Himalayas and so on. He shared rented apartment with his friends; one worked in retail marketing and other two with banks. He had a dream of purchasing a duplex 5 BHK plush penthouse. I was attracted due to his aggressive nature.

There was a time when I used to compare you and him. You liked badminton and table tennis while he liked cricket. You were more about how Indians can do better while he was all about what is good about India. I always felt that you cribbed about everything even after being satisfied with what you had. Whereas he was never complacent with his achievements even though he adjusted with surrounding. You played drums and he played guitar. My heart used to skip a beat when he strummed the guitar and hummed a melody.

After a month long courtship, we decided to settle down. And then I saw the other side him. He was stubborn when it came to making compromises. He wanted a register-marriage with very few relatives from either side. I being the eldest daughter in our extended family, a gala wedding was prerogative. He was fine with getting engaged but wanted to delay the marriage by two years as he did not have his own house. Getting promoted was another of his pre-requisite to getting married. I did not know how what made him link his promotion to marriage. He became desperate when he did not get the title he was looking for. Marriage took a back seat and shifting job along with a salary raise became his top priorities. I was always overlooked, given very less attention under the pretext of trying to see things from his point of view. I started feeling uneasy in our relationship. I was taken for granted many times and this hurt me a lot. Suddenly all the night long chats vanished; emails became a monthly luxury….. Some unknown force was tearing us apart.

The final blow came when I tried pushing for the marriage yet again. I told him that it was fine staying together with his friends after marriage till we got a decent property as per his choice, even if it were on rental basis. I was ready to accommodate but his lost his temper. He argued that I did not understand him and his priorities and that I always considered life to be a fairy tale. To the worst of my fears, he asked me to give second thoughts….. to our marriage and to our relationship too.

I could not believe what was happening to me. It took me two months to get over him and accept the fact that I would have to start all over again. That is when I saw a mail from your parents. I read your profile on the matrimony site but somehow his memories did not let me take the next step.

Finally after lot of convincing from my elder sister, I decided to meet you again. I sent you a mail and got to know that you had returned from Australia the night before. Then we met for coffee and I saw a changed person. You came across as a mature and understanding and above all a sweet person. You were a good listener because I remember you were completely engrossed and attentive when I was talking.

Two days were all that it took for me to forget all about my previous heartbreak. Your smile, your arguments, your thought process and ideologies….. I started connecting with each and every action of yours. I am not sure whether it was really you who changed or was it just that I started seeing things through a different context.

I know from the bottom of my heart that you are the person with whom I would like to spend the rest of my life. If you give us some time, you will definitely change your decision. I am saying this with full conviction….. “Our marriage will click!”

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Chapter 5:

You are a very nice person. I learnt a lot about you during these four days... rather ten odd hours that we spent with each other. After travelling to different countries, visiting different clients within India, talking to different people and doing innumerable kaanda-pohe sessions.... I guess I can take the liberty of saying that I have seen the world and have a fair sense of understanding to differentiate the good from bad. I can go on and on if I were to start talking about you. The way you dress, you carry yourself well to get noticed; be it conventional Punjabi dress or contemporary jeans. I am absolutely sure that you will look equally stunning in a sari .... the one that girls drape when they exchange garlands with their better half ..... Your expectations are rational and simple. At times it is this simplicity that others can't digest. Your thoughts, views, ideas ... the way you talk... smile... laugh..... your eyes... lips... hair..... I had deeply fallen in love with you. I knew then that you were the one.... because I loved everything in you. I even loved the way you twitched your face to express ridicule. All of this..... but….. a year back.

Though my feelings are abeyant, circumstances are different today. History is repeating itself. I am able to recognize a pattern here. The events taking place between us and also with me. I am seeing a pattern..... A pattern that will eventually destroy our lives. I got an appraisal again in the company. This has come at the same time when we are deliberating on my decision. It is the same that happened last time. I know that it was difficult for her to accept and come to terms with life when her parents called off our marriage. I don't want you to go through the same pain. There are lots of other channels that you need to think on. I have this intuition that even though things look good as of now.... they have an uncanny tendency to cause havoc later. I would have gambled, played against the odds in case I didn't have these premonitions.

I don't believe in destiny. I believe in making choices ... life is about making choices and your destiny is derived from these choices. I want to see you happy, want to see you smiling. I want you to have the best of everything in the world. This also includes the best life partner. Someone caring, understanding and having a good sense of humor... someone whom you can consider your friend and the love of your life. I have made this choice; a choice to see you happy. A choice to see myself achieve the goals, a choice which both of us will not repent later in life.

I urge you to move on.... just in case I solve this bizarre logic of undeterminable consequences, which falter my run into the void.... I will get in touch with you. Maybe send you a one liner..... Well such things don't happen in real life and hence there is no point in waiting.

It was a wonderful experience talking to you, getting to know you. I felt good that I have the qualities to be adored by girls like you. It is a good feeling which pushes me to do more in life and get the best out of the least that gets offered. Keep smiling.... you look beautiful with it....

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Epilogue:

She whisked her head away and stared into void for a long time. When she looked back I could see her eyes swell with tears. She tried hard to control but one tear slipped out and ran down her cheek. Her eyes pleaded but in vain. She asked me to text her in case I changed my decision and then walked out of the cafe.

I fiddled with the engagement ring in my right hand. The SMS would never be sent.

Hawala or .........?

2010-08-04T22:54:00.002+05:30

Each employee of our department is given a corporate credit card. Previously the card had infinite limit and there were instances when I had swapped close to 3.5 lacs on it without the card getting blocked. Last years economic turmoil had many companies implementing cost-cutting measure to save on revenue outflow. The infinite amount of corporate credit card was also affected as the yearly premium was a significant amount. The credit limit was lowered to just 2 lacs and we were not intimated about this change. I was to find it out later .....

My trip to Europe was scheduled exactly one day after I returned from my vacation. I had my flight reservations, travel insurance, forex, airport drop bookings credited to my card before I left for my vacation. The visa fees had been credit few days before. When I checked the amount due on my credit card, it had already reached 1 lac 40 thousand bucks. The payable by date was 22nd of next month and I was to return on 12th of next month. This gave me only a week's time to submit my receipts, get the reimbursement and pay it off to the credit card co.

On 11th morning, I was checking out of the hotel. The bill amounted to EUR 2000 and I handed my corporate credit card. The fellow at the reception swipped it .... not one but many times and finally said that the card was not getting accepted. I did have my personal cards but with credit limit as low as 40 thousand. Fortunately my director was also staying in the same hotel and I dialled his room explaining him the problem. He came down and settled the bill through his personal card.

After coming back, I promptly entered my trip in SAP and waited for reimbursement to land in my account. A week passed and the credit card co. laid a nice 4% late payment fee. This late payment further delayed my reimbursement as approvals were required from different levels. It took a month before the company wired the amount to my account.

The very next day I went to my local bank to enquire about international fund transfer. They requested for the certain details of the bank where the funds had to be transferred. It took me less than 30 min for completing the formalities and in next three days, my director got EUR 2000 transferred to his name.

Sunday morning, wifey sarcastically remarked as I had forgotten to withdraw money. I got an excuse to get out of the house for my daily dose of nicotine. Standing in front of the Wincor atm machine, I was surprized to find my account balance in excess of 5000 bucks !

Epilogue:
Is this hawala? Or loophole to make legitimate money? I leave it up to you to decide :)
The exchange rate between EUR and INR can be found at link: http://www.exchangerates.org.uk/EUR-INR-exchange-rate-history.html

Indian rupee stood at Rs. 63.2322 to a EUR on Friday 12 February 2010
http://www.exchangerates.org.uk/EUR-INR-12_02_2010-exchange-rate-history.html

Indian rupee stood at Rs. 60.7649 to a EUR on Thursday 25 March 2010
http://www.exchangerates.org.uk/EUR-INR-25_03_2010-exchange-rate-history.html

I booked expense of EUR 2000 in SAP on 12th Feb 2010 and the exchange rate taken was 63.2322. This got Rs. 126464.4 credited to my savings account. When I initiated international fund transfer, the exchange rate charged was 60.7649 due to which only Rs. 121529.8 got debited which left the savings account in excess of Rs. 4934.6 !

Sa Re Ga Ma Pa .... Dhekaarrrrr

2010-02-11T23:26:00.045+05:30

New - New Financial Year Resolution ..... You will be able to connect if you have watched any of the episodes before and felt amused by the overall script.

Sankalpa: Sa Re Ga Ma Pa che kuthalehi parrv baghanaar nahi

Kaaran/Because -

A. Pallavi Joshi
Apan tichya ghari aartila basalyasarakha ti taalya waajavala laavate. Ekada geetkarasaathi taalya zhaalya pahijet. Mag sangeetkarasaathi talya zhaalya pahijet. Mag gayak ... mag wadak ... mag prekshak ... mag shrotre ... mag naanyawaar ... mag ti swataaha ... bharpoor taalya taalya ... !!! Barr nustya taalya nahi tar JORDAAR taalya. Vattel te matching karun vattel tya gaanyala, vattel tya shabdaanni, tila O ka THO kalat nastana, malmalel itka kautuk karate. Agadi kuni DHEKAAR jari dili tari, "Kay apratim dhekaar dilis, aani mazhya khup avadichya dhekaraan paiki ek dhekar dilis mhanun tuzhe vishesh abhaar. Nilesh, Amar, khup chaan saath dilit tumhi. Me tar pahile gondhaalale ki dhekaar gayakane dili ka bansuri cha naveen chamatkar aaikayla alay!!! Ani ho .... aaj sarvajanik dhekar sansthan jyaanni sthapan kela, tya pramukh adhyakshaanchi aaj punya tithi ahe. Tar ekada JORDAAR taalya zhaalya pahijet" ......... kay bolaycha ata yhawar...?

Bara, parikshakaanni kahi tipanni keli, ki hi pet gheun "Kya baat haaai .... Kyyaaa baaatt haii" chi parayana karayla lagate.

Tichya veshabhusha mulay honare chayachitrikaran he mala netra sukh peeksha netra taan kivva netra jaljal deta ... he ankhin ek gupeet karan. Aaplya paryaantach asudya.

B. Avadhoot Gupte
Ticha motha bhau. Yhachi raangasangati khup awaarrnaniya aste. Railway cha gurard jasa lal kivva hirva baawta dakhavto na, tasa kuthalatari phadka tyachya galya bhavati gundaalela asta. Adhun madhun to te phadka havet udavun naach hi karun dakhavito. Mhanje lavani ali ki phadka tyachi maan sodun havet farfatu lagata. Tya krutya ni jallosh watawaran nirmeet hota asa kahiincha mhanna ahe. "Are ... Are ... Are... kay bhannat, susaat, achaat gayalaas ... mitraa .... kanache padade paar faadles bagh. Are .. kay saajuk khaun naajuk galyatun chabuk dhekaar dilis gadya .... Ek number. Mazhya ekatari gaanyaat he harmony vaparnaar bagh me .... Bara mala ek goshta saang .... hi ji tu apratim dhekar dilis, ti tu mudaam tashi ghetlis ka ti ghasarli .... karan gaanya cha aanga samajun, tya taalat ashi dhekaar dena mhanje tu kharach kamaal ahes ... !!!"

C. Vaishali Samant
Hila shastriya sangeet kalta yhachyawar mazha vishwaas nahi. Maalkauns ani Kirwani ase don teen raag sodlyaas, baki raagaan saathi tichya raag-dnyaan koshaat  jagaach urali nasel. Avdhoot mhanto ti kanaat baangadya ghaalte .... Arre ti baangadya ghaalo kivva zhaanzaa ghalo ... kay farak padto? Bara madam bolayla lagalya ki .... Ingrajee ani Marathi bhashechi Chinese bhel .... "Saanga Mukunnda kuni haaaaa DHEKAAAARRRRR...." he je kay hota na te .... Te SOLLLLID hota. Kay dhekaar detos re tu. Chak ..... mastach. Tumhi lahaan lahaan mula ani itki chan dhekaar deta .... tumchya tonal qualities khup fine ahet .... asaach riyaaz chalu theva ani mag bagha, ki tumhi kiti pudhe jata te haan .... Veryy nice. Verryy Goood !!

D. Hridaynath Mangeshkar (urf Balasaheb)
(Khayal gayaki, Shobha Gurtu, tamboryacha tara, tablya chi shai, swatantrapurva kaal, Dynaneshwar Maharaj, abhaangawani, aakashvaani .... ashya vividha vishayaanwar bollya nantar, sumare pavane don tasaanni ...) "....1963 madhye Latachya recordingchya weles gaana gaat astana, tila ashich vilaambit dhekaar ali hoti. Tya weles me tichya kadun varrcha DHA lavun ghetala aani ......
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..... aso ... Khup anaanda dilat tumhi mala. Abhari ahe !!!"

E. Suresh Wadkar
Kahi wele la te Balasahebaanchya bolnya mage adosa ghetat ani mhantat ki "Ata yhanni sagala tar sangitla. Tya points war neet laksha de ani tya chuka punha nako karus. Baki tuzha gaana masta zhaala.". Pan jar kadhi tyanna sarvaat pahile vicharla ki gaana kasa watala tumhala ... tar te kharja chyaa abhyaasacha mahattva avarjuun saangtat ... gajavtat mhantla tari chalel ... "Baal .... kiti sundar gaylaas. Ti dhekaar chi harkat mala khup avadli. Pan ek ahe maatra. Khaalche sur titke neet navhte lagat. Ani yha saathi khaarja cha abhyaas khup awashyak ahe. Roz pahate uthun sadharan doon taas tari kharjaat dhekaar denyacha abhyaas karr. God Bless You."

F. Devaki Pandit
"Mala tucha gaana khup avadla. Pan ajun changala zhala asta. Tuzhya gurun kadun tu kharach khup changala shikala ahes. Tyaanchi gaana gaanya chi paddhat, sur laavany chi paddhat, dhekaar chya layee chi paddhaat .... sagala barobar uchalla ahes. .......... ....         .................. .................. .........
.......     ................       ................... .. pan ek sanguicchite ....tu dileli dhekaar hi talaat ramali pan suraat nahi ramali .... sur ani taal he donhi hi mhatvache ahet. Tar yha donhi gooshtin kade laksha de. Asaach shikat raha pudhe haan. He gaana Satyajeet ... ummmmmm .... Khup changala zhala gaana hehehuhuhaha"

Disclaimer: No offence meant. I am just trying to put forth my thoughts for the script of the show. Each of the individual above has proved him/herself and are well known, unlike me. Please don't take what is written above to seriously :)

New Moon ... Old Adage

2009-12-19T11:39:00.008+05:30

Wifey reminded me that one of the long pending item on our entertainment list was watching a movie. "Yes", I agreed, it had been months that we watched any movie, one of the reason being there weren't any movies worth watching ! Call it 'Movies ke tasavvur main kangali ka daur chal raha hai .... Jab hollywood/bollywood wale acchi movies bana hi nahi rahe, to hum kya dekhenge?' Earlier we used to watch atleast three movies a month .... but now, I am unable to remember anything before 2012 (the movie I mean !)

Anyways, a protocol is a protocol and once married, wife wish becomes da husbands command. I came home early and walked up to the nearby ticket point centre. I had a choice between four films; Avataar, New Moon, Paa and Rocket Singh. Avataar was a No-No. If sci-fi is not enough for my wife to freak out, then 3D definitely is. She says watching 3D film with those pathetic glares is as good as having a sneak preview through cracks in the fence. Avataar being strictly 3-D, meant an additional 300 bucks (150 per head) of deposit at the counter for those scratched glares from which 200 would be returned provided the glares are given back without any damages/scratches. Our director or VP should be made aware of such clandestine propaganda by the entertainment industry to suck money from people living in a sucked economy. Arrrgh .... I don't want mucky looking blue aliens .... appraisal would be better !

Not sure what happened to Paa (again, I mean the movie), but they cancelled all shows after 8:15pm. I think Paa was tired, exhausted and so they gave him his much needed rest. Rocket Singh was removed from the list after I talked to one of my friend who knew my taste for films. The left me no choice other than "The Twilight Saga 2 : New Moon' ... the name tempted me in believing that it would be a good venture.

New moon started off on a quiet note, C Major .... I presumed this to be the build up for something more thrilling and adventurous. The muffled dialogues continued and we strained our ears to comprehend the happenings on screen. Occasional adrenaline boosting events were palliated to tranquillity by dead pauses and lazy background orchestration of strings and base. I tried to reason out with each one of the characters; be it inordinate and confused human or the bloody hungry good and bad vampire or the protector and killer Werewolf, but in vain. The movie seemed like Thane - Pune train shuttle stopping at all stations ... in that it progressed at a very slow and steady pace occassionally interrupted by abrupt dreams, conversations, near kiss escapades, somber symphonies in G sus4 or Bb (B flat) aug (augmented) 9, and dead pauses ...... I got so engrossed that I yearned to see the unconventional end as it is with most of the hollywood movies.

Well .... I was disappointed. After enduring 3 hours of intricate chording, muted dialogues and still photography along with lot of weeping ... the end was conventional without any melodrama. As we got to leave, I met couple of colleagues from my company.

"Were you sleeping through the movie?", asked one, " We called your name so many times and you didn't even return a look ..."
"I was engrossed ....", I replied

They were awestruck. How can I be engrossed into a movie like this? Well, I was waiting to fully understand the gist or the central theme of the movie. When it struck, the fuse in my head blew.

The plot is simple .... metaphorical comparison might yield vanilla ice cream. Girl loves boy. Boy loves girl. Why the hell do you care for who is human, who is a werewolf and who is vampire. Vampire boy thinks .... thinks ..... and thinks some more. Brother is getting into adulthood (adulthood for vampires means thirst for blood ) .... says to da girl ... I don't need you. The girl hooks up with some other hunk till the first one come back repenting. And then ... the girl dumps the new hunk and goes back to the old one because he utters the next 4 most wanted words after uttering the 3 magical words ! I love you is usually followed by 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?' As simple as that ..... Old adage holds true in contemporary times too !

Four Quandrants Appraisal Strategy

2009-10-23T17:36:00.020+05:30

It started with Lehman Brothers filing for bankruptcy. Then there was the Satyam fiasco converting the SWITCH (Satyam, Wipro, Infosys, TCS, CTS and HCL) into WITCH. The US economy plummeted dragging along all the dependents with it. The businesses took a nasty hit. The
All of this at such an apt time of the year that appraisals were definitely contenders for incurring the wrath of recession raising its ugly head.

Many companies implemented different ways to manage cost. Obvious expenses like free tea/snacks/lunch, costly tissue wipes, bus services and international travel were curtailed as first reaction. But when the recession showed signs of persistence companies had to consider using the axe. Some opted for downsizing; others went with pay cuts and few opted a mix of downsizing and pay cut.

A year passed by with no appraisals. We derived our feel good factor from the thought of “Be happy that you have your job”. And then …. there were some early indicators like rise in stock market, reduction in interest rates, increase in number of projects etc, signaling recovery phase. Our company formally announced the appraisals to take place during first week of Jan.

Consider time period starting from 1st Jan 2008. The appraisals were due on 1st Jan 2009. Due to recession and cost cutting measures, 2009 witnessed a salaray freeze (and lay offs too). What is the strategy of organizations to appraise employees on 1st Jan 2010?

Being working in services department for about seven years now, I have always seen four distinct groups in which one can segregate the workforce. The assumptions are:

1. The years of experience and skillsets in each group can be different.

2. Each individual’s years of experience defines an expected level of expertise. This is relative as there is not absolute measure available.

3. The group segregation is driven by billability version indispensability.

Note: This digram is a modified adaptation of the BCG matrix.

The quadrants are divided using Billability and Indispensability as two dimensions.

Billability is the measure of revenue generated by an employee. It is generally driven by the hourly rate and utilization i.e. number of hours billed against available hours billed. Additionally, the billability is harmonized between individuals at different levels i.e. an employee billing two hundred dollars an hour ONLY for a week is considered less billable than someone who bills twelve dollars an hour for ONE MONTH. The fundamental (most of the times) behind such assumption is - Higher billable rates (to customer), higher the cost (to company in terms of compensation).

Indispensability is measure of companies need for retaining an employee because of characteristics like smart, hard working, sincere etc.

From the diagram, it is evident that the stars, which are indispensible and billable, will definitely get a good appraisal. On the contrary, the dogs, which are dispensable and on-bench, will get a mediocre appraisal. The cash cows, dispensable but billable, and question marks, which are indispensable but on-bench, are critical areas which need to be addressed carefully. A cash cow expects an appraisal justifying the revenue they generated from the company. A question mark’s argument would be that lack of opportunity to work on a project is the organizations shortcoming and should not bias his appraisal. A clash occurs when the appraisal of the cash cow matches or is lesser or greater than that of the question mark. If the appraisal matches or is lesser than the question marks, the cash cow considers the appraisal unfair because they consider that the appraisal for the question marks is done using a percentage of the revenues generated by the cash cows. Similarly, if the appraisal of cash cows is more that question marks, the question marks feel unfair because they always consider that they could replace the cash cow and become billable.
Post appraisal, the dogs are bound to quit the organization for better compensation and as the economy is booming, they are sure to find another job. Due to expectation mismatch there are good chances of the cash cows and question marks leaving the organization too. Again, the hike given in an appraisal cannot be compared with the one given during recruitment. This adds to the fury of employees as they feel that the organization is more concerned pleasing the new recruits.

The human mind also plays an important part in priming the employees mind. One year of a salary freeze means that an individual is one year behind schedule on his monetary progress path. To make up for this loss, the simplest strategy is to get an appraisal in parent company and move to a different company. This is applicable to the stars too. If we view the organization along with its competitors as a whole, then there is a tendency of shuffling of resources amongst different companies.

Bottomline: Irrespective of the segregation, there is bound to be high attrition. Difference in pay hike between recruitment and appraisal might result into an employee turnover. Will the organizations develop a preventive strategy or a curative strategy? A preventive strategy implementation aims at employee satisfaction which in turn helps reduce attrition. Curative strategy implementation starts after an employee resigns. The sum of the Nash equilibrium of the entire organization (similar for all competitors), taking two employees of the same/different quadrants at a time will yield that the best cost effective strategy is .................. NO APPRAISALS AT ALL !

Self Reflection

2009-07-05T19:08:00.004+05:30

It was 9pm, but the light around suggested the time to be just about evening if I were back in India. The last page of my passport got stamped, leaving me wondering of all my travels abroad. Meeting so many different people, making friends, seeing new places and eating different cuisines. Travelling has always fascinated me. But tonight, as I sat sipping Weisbeer in the outside seating of the Black lounge, I felt a string urge to walk; a walk down the memory lane reflecting on what I wanted and where I have reached.

House, car, stable job and marriage. Having achieved the bare minimum necessities or rather satisfying the basic expectations for a boy, the million dollar question in front of me now is …. ‘What next?’As of now I am still searching for the path of glory, the road to success. I am yet to reach the boulevard where the dreams and ambition together start amalgamating into the untrodden highway of your future; mind you, the much awaited and expected & yearned future.

At times I feel to have developed an inferiority complex towards myself. I start feeling inferior when I consider myself superior. Like a singularity decomposing into a virtual duality in accordance with out nature. Surprisingly, it always works in one direction. Call it my nature, but till date i haven’t felt a satisfaction after getting to know of being better than others. But this could also be termed as an egoistic blither who never considers anyone above himself. This could also explain why it hurts when I am not up to the mark that someone else has set. But I have concluded one this. I love myself more than anyone else in this world. And it hits the most when people don’t accept it and try to keep on reminding me of weaknesses. Eventually I desert them. The most important aspect that is missing in my life style is motivation. I don’t feel motivated. Call it effect of financial crunch due to global slowdown or due to lack of inspiring leaders in my vicinity. The pyramid planes converge onto a single point at top. This is an established fact that the density goes on decreasing as you move to higher altitudes. Am I already midway? Have I really been climbing the ladder to ascend? Am I really on an escalator moving at a greater speed than my contemporaries? I guess the time has come to check the altimeter. I looked up, the sky indeed appeared closer!

Chain Mail Chain

2008-06-30T12:47:00.003+05:30

This is going on my blogspace now ...

From: Damle, Neeraj
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:37 PM
To: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun; Bhide, Amey
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Safety pin aur nada
Way to go mannnn :D :D

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:33 PM
To: Bhide, Amey; Damle, Neeraj; Joshi, Varun
Cc: Sheth, Parag
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Parag has resurrected ...

From: Sheth, Parag
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:32 PM
To: Joshi, Varun; Bhide, Amey; Damle, Neeraj
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Arey itna guess work chal raha hai ....high level pe ho sakta hai koi safety pin ho ya kiska nada :P

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:32 PM
To: Damle, Neeraj; Joshi, VarunCc: Sheth, Parag
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Ok ... now ppl have started imagining from within their thighs :D

From: Joshi, Varun
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:31 PM
To: Bhide, Amey; Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Not to miss
He mentioned that the item MAY have more emotional value..it can be taken as MAY NOT as well.
So I will say .. one Used COND*&
Least price .. MOST EMOTIONAL VALUE
Thanks
Varun Joshi

From: Damle, Neeraj
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:30 PM
To: Bhide, Amey; Joshi, Varun
Cc: Sheth, Parag
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Soft toy se kya hoga re it might well be a hard pink coloured toy ;)

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 5:59 PM
To: Joshi, Varun; Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

How about soft toy? That too pink colored?

From: Joshi, Varun
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:28 PM
To: Bhide, Amey; Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Hmm ... good point bhide
XYZ is playing with the emotions ...
May be it’s an pink colored pencil
Thanks
Varun Joshi

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:13 PM
To: Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Arre pan XYZ kade koni tikli gheun ka yeil?
Boss I found something of high emotional and less cost value for which I think you should send a mail to The ladies .... is the ... bhaiyaajee ka tashan
Generally backup tikli aste saglyaan kade. And to top it all, how many is the ladies in our company wear a tikli ....

From: Damle, Neeraj
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:11 PM
To: Bhide, Amey
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Are tikli has same value as mangalsutra ...
Tikli padli tar baika baher wichartat "Padle Ka Tumche Aho :D :D :D :D "
I saw that on tv :P
Nd crystal studded tikli :D :D awesome man

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 5:37 PM
To: Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Tikli ko emotional value kya reheti hai? If it is a crystal studded tikli then definitely it will be costly than the greeting card ….

From: Damle, Neeraj
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:06 PM
To: Bhide, Amey
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Ya but tikli must be like 50 ps beat that :P

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 5:35 PM
To: Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

In that sense ... Ear ring with american diamonds or painjan.
Could be that I l ove u greeting card too. High Emotion Value Low Price

From: Damle, Neeraj
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 2:03 PM
To: Bhide, Amey
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Have to say Nice shot
I will go 1 better how about tikli :D :D :D :D
Even less price value and sure has same emotional value

From: Bhide, Amey
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 5:23 PM
To: Damle, Neeraj
Cc: Sheth, Parag; Joshi, Varun
Subject: RE: Only for Ladies.

Ummmm .... m@ng@lsutr@????

From: Damle, Neeraj
Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 1:31 PM
To: Bhide, Amey
Subject: FW: Only for Ladies.

What in the BLUE HELL could dat be :D :D :D :D

From: XYZ Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2008 4:31 PM
To: All Employees;
Subject: Only for Ladies.

Hi,
Some of our Lady colleague has lost something. Item may have more of emotional value than the price. Please contact me for claiming the item.
Assuring Always Best Services,
Thanks & Regards,
XYZ

F. U. C. K

2008-05-28T13:45:00.004+05:30

The F word is hated by almost all the girls when they transition from girl-friend to girlfriend. But the emotion, frustration, happiness, sorrow and myriad other state of mind that it describes makes the word inherently versatile and we shouldn’t demean its sacrosanct usage at any point in time.

The etymology of this word is as follows:
In ancient England, single people were not allowed to have s e x; they had to espouse. In case they wanted to shield themselves from the condemnable act then, they were required to get consent from the King.

If the King blessed such a couple, then a placard displaying “Fornication Under the Consent of the King” used to be put up outside the house. Eventually the text was shortened to have just the first alphabets .... “FUCK”.

A transcript of a discourse, given by Osho’s Rajnish, for all those who consider use of ‘FUCK’ as a blasphemy.

The last question for today.
‘I feel sad when people use the word Fuck’

Answer:
‘It is one of the most beautiful words. English language should be proud of it. I don’t think any other language has any such beautiful word. One Tom, from California, has done a great bit of research on it. He must be of the great Tom-Dick-Harry fame.’

He says, “One of the most interesting words in English language today is the word Fuck. It is one magical word. Just by its sound, it can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. In language, it falls into many grammatical cateogaries. It can be used as a verb, both transitive: John fucked Mary; and intransitive: Mary was fucked by John. As a noun: Mary is a fine fuck and it can be used as an adjective: Mary is fucking beautiful. As you can see, there are not many words with the versatility of fuck.”

Besides the successful meaning, there are also the following uses:

Fraud: I got fucked at the used car lot
Ignorance: Fucked if I know
Trouble: I guess I am fucked now
Aggression: Fuck you
Displeasure: What the fuck is going on here?
Difficulty: I can’t understand this fucking job
Incompetence: He is a fuck off
Suspicion: What the fuck are you doing?
Enjoyment: I had a fucking time
Request: Get the fuck out of here
Hostility: I am going to knock your fucking head off
Greeting: How the fuck are you
Apathy: Who gives a fuck
Innovation: Get a bigger fucking hammer
Surpise: Fuck you scared the shit out of me
Anxiety: Today is really fucked

And it is very healthy too if every morning you do it as a transcendental meditation. Every morning when you get up, repeat the mantra Fuck You fice times. It clears the throat.”

Enough for today .....

Jeevachi Mumbai

2008-05-05T17:04:00.008+05:30

Kaamgaar dina nimitta amhala guruwari sutti hoti. Mhanun me ani nikko ni tharavle ki shukravari hi sutti takun, long weekend la jeevachi mumbai karavi.
Shukrawari sakali 9 wajata amhi doghe nighalo. Gaadi nivaanta chalavat amhi sri datta la na thaambta poochalo. taak, wada pav ani sprite chi nyahri zhalyawar amhi nighalo te imax-wadala chya parking madhye thaambalo. ase mhantat ki imax, asia la largest dome theatre ahe with 12000 watts chi sound system. 49 rs. each chi Transformer cinema chi amhi tickets kaadhali ani jeevan karnya saathi Sarsoon ka Saag hotel madhye gelo. Don kheema pav, ek steam rice, ek medium (pan je actually large hota) pepsi ani Startbucks Frappe ... yha saglyaan che bil amchya dome cinema chya ticket che 1000% zhala. Start of jeevachi mumbai ....
Yanni, Transformers ani last la Linking Park cha 'What I've done' ni fullto 49 rs wasool zhale :)
Sandhyakali worli la poochalo ani ratri 'Jewel of India' namak posh hotel madhye gelo. Araamdehih couch madhye basoon abhakshabhakshan ani apeeyapaan karnyaat je sukh asta te amhaas tethe laabhala. Tithun Cafe Noorani madhye 'Chicken Biryani and Fish tikka' cha anand lutala ani mag sakali ek wajata Sea face chya kathadya war lattancha awaaj aaikat gappa marat basalo. sakal pasun nighalelo tari pan sea face chya warya mule kan bhar dekheel zhop yet navhti.

Shanivarchi sakal usheera zhali. Nyahari karun 'Hera Panna' madhye shopping karayla gelo. Glare, mobiles, clothes, bags, perfumes, gift articles chi a to z dukane palthi ghatli, pan amhi punekar na, puneri baana aad ala. Shyaaa, ithe khupach kami choice ahe .... Punyala asa nasta mhanun amhi rikamya hatani parat alo. Baandhu office madhun lavkar nighale va amhi R-mall Mulund madhye 'Pope's Tate' navachya hotel la jayla nighalo. 'Lifestyle' madhye shopping, aamchya honarya vaihini la bhetane ani jalpaan karne, ase teen action items aamchya yadi madhye hote. Honyarya vaihini la jaasta wel navhta karan tiche teertharup aaj ghari hote. Pope's Tate ani Timbacctu madhye itki gardi hoti ki tithe ek taas waiting time hota. Noodle bar madhye 'Spice Girls', Blue Havana, Ice tea with American Chopsuey and 'All time favorite Chicken sizzler' khaun amhi parti chya watewar nighalo .... Mulund te Worli. Eastern express highway war Alto ni 100kmph cha veg pakadla ani eka tasat ghari poochalo. Tya nantar destination 'Hard Rock Cafe'

Bombay Dyeing mill chya shed la renovate karun tyala ek contemporary look dila ahe. Uuncha ceiling, suspended lights ani heavy duty speaker system along with the 'susaat' crowd mhanje rocking Hard Rock Cafe. Bar counter warun beer ani vodka ghetla ani gardi madhye misallo. Netra sukh ani beer che ghot ghet ghet amhi gani wa sundarte chya nashe wahun gelo. Eka mahinyacha petrol cha kharcha ani eka ratri cha HRC cha kharcha yha madhye farsa farak navhta. Kharach ..... JEEVACHI MUMBAI ...

When Harry met Hari

2008-02-21T15:32:00.000+05:30

“……. we will watch the sunset from my balcony” the words echoed in his mind and he quivered frantically. Harry woke up from his slumber and stared at the mirror wall in front of his bed. Those words remained etched somewhere deep below in his mind, occasionally jetting from within to disturb his much needed sopor. The digital clock showed ‘4:00pm 17 MAR 2012’. For a moment he thought he was dreaming, he pricked himself to confirm if he was woolgathering; negative. The mirror wall bore a picturesque of a door, whose design wasn’t contemporary but appeared a decade old. Not sure whether his situation was like ‘Alice in Wonderland’, Harry got up to investigate.

The door felt real and heavy. With some extra efforts, Harry managed to push it open only to find a deserted alley in front of him. He retracted a few steps to reconsider stepping in that alley. There was something peculiar about the alley; the look it bore, the quietness that prevailed, the scent of the air; everything looked familiar. With some apprehension, Harry took the first step into the alley. He felt a chill travel through his diaphragm. Successive steps eased his anxiety and he started recollecting vivid memories associated with the area. The alley merged into a road with beautiful houses, each pluming its architecture. Harry strode on.

A nameplate, “House No. 108”, caught his attention. Harry’s apartment number was ‘108’; he had chosen it by choice as he had inexplicable affinity to number 9. Harry knocked the door and a young boy opened it with a smile on his face.

“Hello Harry, how are you? We were expecting you, what took you so long?” the boy asked.
“Huh, you know me? And who are these we that are expecting me?” Harry sounded puzzled.
“Off course I know you, you are Harry rite?”
“Yeah, but I am really sorry, I am not able to recollect your name” Harry tried to sound as humble and gentle as possible.
“Ooh come-on Harry, how will you know my name when you don’t even know me, we haven’t even met before. By the way, my name is Hari Joshi. Now let us go in or else my mom will start yelling and cursing me for my etiquettes”

Harry walked through the aisle which entered a small but cozy living room. He met Hari’s parents and found them pleasing, amiable, affectionate, caring ….. he felt as if he was with his own parents. Harry tried to recollect the last conversation he had with this parents. He had lost them a decade ago.

After having the nice lunch cooked by Hari’s mom, both of them decided to take a stroll by the river. They walked on a considerable distance waiting for the other to start ….

“What do you do Hari?” asked Harry
“Weekends I surprise friends like you” quipped Hari

Harry smiled at his sense of humor. It reminded him of his childhood days when he was famous for his funny remarks, his jokes and one liners.
“I meant to ask what you do by profession. What are your personal goals, professional goals etc”

“Personal goals and professional goals … hmmmm, lemme give it a shot.”

Hari explained his dreams that he wanted to fulfill, destinations that he wanted to visit, social status that he wanted to achieve in course of time. He talked at length from the adventures to the perfect married life that he wanted to experience.

“Well, on my personal front, I would like to marry the girl who has been with me through the good and bad times. I need to prove myself to her family that she will be happy with me after marriage. And to be candid, a girl’s family looks at the financial stability first, that’s their some kinda comfort zone and I don’t ridicule it, it is fair enough in my perception.”

“On professional front, I am still in my last year of graduation, wanna do something in same line itself after graduation. Mebbe try and improve the 200ms lag in the international phone calls by optimizing the fiber optic cables which can replace the round trip from our dear satellites.”

Harry was really surprised at Hari’s candor, the amount of thought process he had put in to have such demarcated goals and well defined settlement plan. Harry found a lot of fire in the way Hari talked passionately about his future. Everything reminded Harry of the days when he was a soon to be graduate.

“Dude, you know, there aren’t much opportunities like those back here” remarked Harry.
“Yeah, I read about that, chip design is also one of the plausible career paths that I am contemplating on” Hari replied

“Hari, I agree everyone is talking about Intel trying to setup a chip manufacturing plant in B’lore. You know why it was called off, because of hygiene and cleanliness reasons. Even if they set one up here, the infrastructure and operational costs that would be incurred will cause an innocuous IC 555 timer to be priced at Rs. 500/-. That’s fucking 10 times the cost as of its Taiwan counterpart.”
“Are you out of your mind Harry, who told you that? Tell me, you are kidding, you made that story up, rite?” Hari smirked.
“It had come in the paper a few years back”
“A few years back, you are saying a few years back some yahoo form Intel had this brainwave, while sitting on his commode, to set up a manufacturing plant in B’lore? Few years back they didn’t even know that we existed with this huge talent pool. Go take a walk Harry, you need to rejuvenate.”
“It did come on the front page of Times, I can bet my life on it”
“Do me a favor Harry, stop kidding me” snorted Hari
“If you don’t mind me asking, whats the date today Hari?”
“Hey why should I mind, its 17th of March, 2002”

Harry bore a stunned look as those words sank in.

“Can I see the photograph of your girlfriend please?” he asked Hari
“Yeah why not, you know she is really nice girl; the one that I dream of holding in my arms when I will watch the orange tinge of the sky as the sun sets in front of my balcony. She is waiting for us to get married and watching the orange ball fade away to darkness, its one of her dreams that I wouldn’t like to wreck. I call her Ketki, her name is Tejashree though!” Hari said as he handed the photo to Harry.

Harry stared at the photo, his eyes moist and his hands shivering when a small gush of wind blew the photo away from his hands. Without looking back Harry started walking to the deserted alley. Memories came flooding back to his mind like a breach in the dam’s retention wall. Half left recording sessions, pending vacations, long lost passion for drives with his sweetheart, some wrecked dreams and many more forgotten came gushing back as Harry reached the end of the aisle. With a heavy head he pushed the door open, stepped in and closed it with a thud. His breath was heavy and he perspired like a dragon slayer would after fighting a gargantuan archosaur. He sat on the bed till his heart beats got back to normal.

A lot of cherished dreams, some materialized while others were like the horizon, how much ever he tried, the distance never seemed to diminish. Harry wondered about things that he had achieved by grabbing opportunities, as they came along, and making the best out of it. This had definitely made him a better individual, but he had lost something that he couldn’t quantify. May be his sense of humor, his passion, his love; something was missing.

The bell rang and took Harry completely by surprise. He remained petrified for a minute. He turned around and glanced at the digital watch, it displayed 6:15pm 17th MAR 2012. Harry got up and went to the hall to get the door. He opened it to find his weary wife waiting outside.

“Hi Ketki”

She remained stunned, her eyes fixed on his. As he looked up the door, his nameplate read “108 Hari Joshi”. He lifted her in his arms and took her to the balcony.

“Feels like my Hari has resurrected” she said as he put her back on ground.
With his arms wrapped around her he whispered in her ears “It’s like a whole new world, dream come true. Lets us watch the sunset from our balcony!”

The Phone Call ......

2008-01-15T15:20:00.000+05:30

With my marriage on cards, I tried my hand, or should I say my luck, at the online matrimonies hosted by various organizations. I tried the popular ones like bharat matrimony, jeevansaathi and shaadi.com, but didn’t find them interesting. The other day I was searching on google for marathi matrimonies when I came across this site; matriseach. The site intrigued me and I registered to have a look and feel of what it offered. I didn’t know my life was going for a roller coaster ride.

The next day I had a mail from matrisearch saying that Samo was interested in my profile. What a hit rate, like a desperate bachelor I immediately replied asking for her photo and other details. The next day I received the following mail from Samo……

Hello Sweet heart,

I thank you for your mail and it gives me a great joy to know your mind. I believe if i tell you my problem you can still help me. my ready name is jessica k thomas.

I am writing you this mail only to sick for your assistance in good faith. After reading my mail i will want you to bear with my request and be of good assistance to me, because bad people in this world has made us not to trust the good once again. Before anything i will want you to put all your trust in God, with his holy and merciful name all things are possible.

Well, My name really is Ms.Jessica E Thomas an 23years old girl, the only daughter of My Late Father Dr. Edward Thomas , for your information, I am now in a refugee camp here in Abidjan-Cote D’Ivoire, for the transferring of our Money to your country.

Be informed that my father and mother died 5 mouths ago in a car accident, when they where coming back from Church. Before my Late Father died, he called me personally that he made a deposit of (US$8,500,000.) Eight million five hundred United state dollars. In a BANK here in Abidjan-CoteD’Ivoire.
In addition, all i needed is a God fearing person that will assist me to transfer the money to his account, because i am too small to receive the money myself,and the law of this country those not allow anybody in refugee camp to open an account. So that is why i needed your assistance as i am the next of kin to the money. And after you receive the money in your country all i will need from you is stated below :

1) A letter of invitation that will enable me to obtain visa to your country.
2) For you to assist me to further my education in your country.
3) To assist me and invest the money in a good business in your country.
iv) What percentage of the total money will be ok for you.

As soon as i read from you, i will give you all the vital documents that covers the Money in the Bank, and write a letter of authauthorisation your behalf that will
authauthorise as my partner to make claims of the Money on my behalf.

Thanks and God bless.

YOU CAN CALL ON THIS PHONE/0022506307863

Yours.

Ms. Jessica Thomas

I was shocked, an expatriate had initiated a contact and now wanted me to get her back India. A nice bait of 8 fu**ing million dollars, a percentage of which I would be entitled for on her safe and legal entry into the country. This was a plot, a trap or someone really fooling around with a 5 milligram tumor balanced on her shoulders.

But out of sheer curiosity I called up that number from my office landline as I had international access from my desk. To my surprise Jessica picked it up and we talked for few minutes. She was soft spoken and she broke into tears as she narrated her story. I said I really couldn’t help her out much as I didn’t even know where Abidjan-CoteD’Ivoire was and was not aware of legalities of getting an expatriate back to India. She sobbed and then said it was kind of me to at least call her and wished me good luck in my future endeavors.

The next morning was as if hell breaking loose. I was seated in my cubicle when my desk phone rang flashing ‘Reception calling’. I answered it and to my horror, it was the Admin head on the line requesting me to come down as the police wanted to see me. The police, I thought it was a joke and simply hung up. Within five minutes the company security personnel came and seized me. They asked me to coordinate otherwise they would have to use force. As I walked out of the escalator, I saw a bunch of policeman waiting for me. They said they will have to take me for interrogation regarding some international links. A big plan was being hatched and funded from here. They had my phone records, my email printouts and I was in mess.

As we started walking towards their jeep, I pushed one of the guards and started running down the stairs of the main porch. I slipped on one of the steps and lost my balance and there was excruciating pain in my foot. I woke up in the middle of the night only to realize that I had banged my foot against the wall due to which it was hurting.

The next morning I promptly deleted Samo’s mail from my mail box.

Ps: You all know me, I leave it to you to believe it or not. Some facts: Abidjan-CoteD’Ivoire is a place somewhere in Africa. There is a matrisearch online matrimony.

चतुर्भुज......... असा मी

2007-12-15T11:01:00.000+05:30

I always wanted to publish one of my blogs in marathi. I would like to sincerely apologise to all my readers, who do not understand marathi, as they will not be in a position to relish this blog.

“Good morning ….. माफ़ करा, सुप्रभात जास्ती चान वाताता. मी …. Amey Narendra Bhide, वय वर्ष सव्व्हीस पुरे, सत्तावीस चालू, जन्मा दिनाक एकोनीस नोवेम्बेर एकोनिस्शे आइन्शी. उन्न्ची पाच फूट पाच इन्चा, वजन बहत्तर किलोग्राम, वर्ण गहुवार्निय …. तस निम्गोरा ही म्हानू शकतो. शिक्षण BE Electronics and Telecommunications, २००२ साली Maharashtra Institute of Technology यहा कालेज मधून graduate ज़्हालो. नोकरी गेले सादे चार वर्ष करीत अहे, साध्य UGS नावाच्या अमेरिकन कंपनी च्या पुन्यत्ल्या हिंजेवादी मधल्या ओफ्फिससत कमला अहे. स्वाभाव मंमिलावू, हसरा, बोलाका, पटकन मिसल्नारा. अवडी निवडी: Music व वाचन, टेबल टेनिस व badminton खेलायला अवदते, सहलीं वार जाने, वेग्वेगले पधार्ता खाणे इत्यादी. वधु कदुन अपेक्षा: प्रेमल, सुशिक्षीत, मंमिलाऊ, फाइनेंस literate, सम्जुत्त्दार व moderate फामिली values.

एकाचे दोन व्हा असा संकेत मिलाल्या नंतर आई वादिलान्नी शोध मोहीम चालू केली. साथ साथ यहा सौंस्थे बद्दल मे ना कढ़ी ऐक्ले ना वाचले होते. एकादच कधीतरी बबांनी रविवार सकाल ची पुरवणी हातात दिली व म्हानाले कि ‘click hona’ अस काही नस्त हे त्या अग्रलेखात अहे, ते कृपया वाचा. कुणी तरी अल्पनेला तिचा सुनील साथ साथ ह्या सौंस्थेत कसा भेताला व त्या भेटी पासून ते त्यांच्या लगना पर्यन्ताच्या कलाविधीत घड़्लेली विविध सम्भाशाने मी वाचाली. त्या दोघांच्या द्रुस्टीकोनातुन, ते, ऐकमेकान्ना अनुरुप कसे, हे दर्शावाले गेले होते. वाधुवरसुचक मंडलातून मिलालेल्या अपयाषा नंतर, ह्या सौन्स्थे बद्दल मी थोड़ी अणीक माहिती काढाली. ह्या सौंस्थे चा मी थोडा अभ्यास ही केला. त्या नंतर, मी व माझे दोन स्नेही, आम्ही तीघान्नी मिलून ठरवीले कि इथे एकदा येउन प्रत्यक्ष अनुभव घाव. इथे मूला मुलींना दिला जानारा ‘common platform’ नि आम्हाला प्रवृत्त केले अणि म्हनुन आज मी येथे आपल्या समोर उभा अहे.

येथे माज्ह्या सारखे आनखी ही first timer असतील, त्यांना ‘warm welcome’ वा regulars ला ‘friendly hello’. धन्यवाद”

हया नंतर ताल्यांचा गड्गडाट व उपस्थीत सर्व मुली, माझ्याशी बोलायला, चर्चा करायला, वाद विदाद करायला तत्पर माझ्या अवती भवति फ़ीरु लागल्या। एक म्हणे "तू खूप गोंड्स आहेस" तर दुसरी म्हणे "कीती maturity आहे तुझ्या बोलण्यात। कुणी म्हणे "तू खूप practical अहेस" तर कुणी म्हणे ... आहो काय म्हणे, iSSha गडे aiiyya गडे करुना नुस्त्या लाजाय्च्या .. हे ज़रा जास्ता होतय नाही ....

अस म्हान्ताच माझे डोले खाड करून उघडले .... खोली मधला पंखा नीयामीत पणे बंद केला होता .... पड़दे सारलेले व खीड़्क्या उघड़्लेल्य होत्या ..... घर शांत होत .... मला कलाला, आई मला झोपेतूं जाग कर्न्याच्या तीच्या नीशाफल प्रय्त्नाला कंतालून बंकेत गेली आहे .... सकालची न्याहरी microwave तर चाहा गैस वार ठेवला असेल ....

आता माहाराजन्नी उठून तैयार होंयाची तसदी घ्यावी ... शानीवार्ची काम वात बघत आहेत .... लक्षात आहेना ... संध्याकाली गावात जायाचे आहे .... कांदा पोहे session आहे ना आज तुझा !!!

Conked by NullPointer

2007-08-31T09:47:00.001+05:30

I regularly conduct interviews for our department and there is this funny incident that I think qualifies for this blogspace. There are couple other contenders too; but still warming up as of now.

Friday afternoon ain’t really a good time to conduct interviews. Personally, I feel that people are tied up painting their plan with the weekend shades and it is an unwanted color that they need to smudge their painting with. Trust me readers, if you planning to shift and need to appear for an interview, try to make it between Tuesday and Thursday inclusive, as Monday is equally abominable …. I really need not delve into this can of worms.

I picked up the assessment sheet, waste printout paper and a pen on my way to the reception where Preeti was seated. There were a lot of gals at the reception that day; the guys outnumbered ; and as I called out her name, the most prettiest (mebbe even the hottest) gal rose to her feet. Pretty Preeti I chuckled as I lead the way to the conference room.

She was dressed to kill in formals; black trousers, white top, stilettos, nails painted with the favorite enamel color and the perfume she wore was too tantalizing for my mind. I hoped I wouldn’t fumble with my diction during the interview. We sat opposite to each other and I had a glimpse of her chiseled face complemented by eye brows done to perfection, glistening eyes and a strand of hair snuggled against her cheek. Whew ….

I started the interview with the regular questions for making the candidate comfortable and prepared for the technical combat. As we moved on with the OOP concepts, with an object being nothing much more than an instance of a class and a class is one from which objects are created so on and so forth, the decision was made. Reject!

I asked one of my favorite ending techie question to Preeti, for which till date I hadn’t received any answer; sensible or nonsensical.

“Java does not have pointers” I said
“Umm hmmm”, came her highhanded reply
“If it indeed doesn’t have any pointers, why do we get NullPointerException then?” I quizzed.

All the candidates till date have been stumped by this statement. Some look surprised “Hey, I really never thought about that” while others have simply stared back in disbelief “What the hell does he mean by that?” But pretty Preeti was an exception in herself (pun intended). Her reply left me dumbstruck ….

“It means that you tried to use a pointer which is not allowed, thus indicating ‘Do not use pointers’” came her pat reply which left me wondering if she has really written a java program in her life !!!

Improvisation

2007-05-13T14:34:00.000+05:30

Amol and I have a knack for shibboleths. The other day we were discussing on how many girls can one have in his life? I was adamant on one and he was trying to justify one plus. I put forth the age-old saga of Sri Ram, “Satyavachani and Ek Patani”, one who always adheres to the truth and has only one wife.

“So?” Amol frowned not understanding what I was trying to get at
“What do you mean by so, I have proved the point buddy” I replied
“Ok, so you mean to say there was only one women in Sri Ram’s life?” Amol said sarcastically with a shrewd smile.
“Even though I haven’t completely read and understood Ramayan and Uttar or Dakshin Ramayan, I don’t recollect mention of any such blasphemy. Did you read a pirated version, Ishaannya Ramayan, huh?” I mocked Amol
“You ain’t getting what I want to say, how about his dear mama, Kaikei?”
“Huh, Kaikei, where does she fit in our debate?”
“Ooh come on, Kaikei is a woman and Sri Ram loved her as much as his wife Sita. Now we have two women in a man’s life. Got the point that I am trying to make. Rather, can you see the improvisation of your proved point by me?”
“This is ridiculous, a complete misfit, Mr. A, I don’t agree with ya”

Forget about the conversation, but we had articulated a nice shibboleth, “You can prove a point and you can improve it”

I got a chance to see this shibboleth being personified in a movie.

Two lawyers meet for drinks after the first hearing of the case, in which they are pitted against each other. One is professional, very well known for his career record, has never lost a case till date and is what Tiger Woods is to Golf. Heck, lets call this fella as Tiger Woods. The other is an amateur, fighting his first case with all the odds against him; lets call him Dave Carter. As they chat through, Tiger make a statement that there is a fine line of demarcation between fact and reality inside the courtroom. Dave appears puzzled and questions Tiger’s statement. Tiger awes Dave at his innocent question and like a Guru preaching his disciples starts to explain,

“There is, my friend Dave, there is. There is a lot of difference between fact and reality not only inside the courtroom, but even outside, its present everywhere, even at this very instant when I am talking to you.”

“We have” Dave picks up a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label “only one bottle on this table. This is a fact and a reality too. Can you prove, Mr. Woods, that there are two bottles here?”

“Yes Mr. Carter, I can. Fact is a concept whose authenticity can be proved. Reality is a quality possessed by something that is real, in the sense that, that something physically exists somewhere.”

Proving a point:
“There is one black label bottle, which is over here on the table, and there is one black label bottle, which is not over here on the table. Thus, there are two bottles in question that we are talking about. Proved?” Mr. Woods smiles at his self-convincing victory

Improving a point:
Mr. Carter clasps the black label and says, “Mr. Woods, lets do one thing. I will drink from the bottle in my hand and you carry on with the second bottle, which you just proved to exist.”

Two Beauties

2007-04-30T13:52:00.000+05:30

I used to see them every day. After a hectic day at office, just a nonchalant glimpse of these two beauties served like the perfect chocolate body-wrap rejuvenating all those numb senses. I never missed them and many a times I even avoided detour, took a bumpy ride back home for a glimpse.

One had the perfect ten on ten body; desired height, figure, features; silky hair and ravishing look. Clad in sports wear casuals with a wristband she appeared a brutal killer (obviously with her looks). She epitomized the apt voluptuous woman of today, 99% Attitude ….. ummmmmm 1% Aptitude. Whatever. The other appeared as if embodied by a fairy. Simple, fair, long hair, petit nose, sparkling eyes and a cute dimple made her stand apart. She used to flaunt her flawless skin in pink sleeveless Punjabi dress of hers. I just couldn’t afford to miss these two. It was not only me but also lot of other guys ogling at either of them, but I didn’t really mind as getting introduced was a far fetched idea and life partner was next to impossible.

Then one day the voluptuous babe disappeared. I was a bit disheartened but being more of a “I like Gayatri Joshi from Swades” type blighter, felt happy to see my Punjabi dress clad girl still there. And then one fine day even she disappeared. That was more than I could take.

It took me a few days to realize the reason behind their disappearing act. De Manor Residency had 100% booking, each flat was sold off. Sun-block cream sales drop in monsoon.

Those idiots removed the billboards !!!!

Adieu

2006-12-29T19:47:00.001+05:30

The soft hum of the Solaris V8 servers in the datacenter made me feel as if my cubicle was located next to a freeway. I reclined on the chair and removed the headphones from my ears. The song continued to play in subdued whisper, the floor was quiet as never before. My eyes burned with the want of a good nite sleep but my mind wouldn’t give in. I removed the specs and laid them on the table, rubbing my eyes I pondered over the problem at hand; I had to crack it before dawn.

I got up from my seat and took a walk around to clear my head for starting afresh. The evening seemed gloomy as I walked down the ramp. I sat on the bench, amongst bamboo plantations, staring into the void. The leaves of the Gulmohar trees rustled as soft breeze flew past them onto my face carrying undertones of the unknown to my ears. I tried hard to comprehend but they left me puzzled.

Desires, expectations, goals, accomplishments and achievements vetoed against my soul being at ease. I knew it was one of those sporadic surges that made me hate myself at times; similar to Socrates getting reincarnated in my soul to prove the right as wrong. Some of the wounds that kept on crawling deep beneath the surface, bearing an uncanny sentience to abet the unknown forces in making me feel low, something that confused me, made me believe in the incongruous juxtapositions of love and hate, success and failure, right and wrong, me and myself.

A new beginning ahead, but no signs of where to start? So much to do but so little time, I was trapped and about to break, but I knew that there would be someone to shine light as I walked. I returned to my desk, ‘Linking Park’s Somewhere I belong’ hit my mind.

When this began
I had nothing to say, and I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I'd let it all out to find, that I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
When all the vacancy the words revealed, is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

And I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didnt fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everwhere only to find, that it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity, cause I cant justify the way everyone is looking at me

Nothing to loose, nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I wanna heal, I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain til its gone
I wanna heal, I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

I will never know, myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel, anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything, till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna feel like I'm somewhere I belong

It’s the last working day of the year and everyone wished me before departing. In much the same way as I bid adieu to 2006 ……

Six Degrees of Friendship

2006-12-26T12:04:00.000+05:30

The theory ‘Six degrees of separation’ goes somewhat like this …. “You are connected to every other person in this world with maximum six intermediaries”. Our group personifies this one of its corollaries …….. ‘Six degrees of Friendship’.

My friendship with Amar dates back to our engineering days when we first met due to our common interest, which was music. We knew each other before, as we were in the same school, but we were more of acquaintances than friends. Our first ever orchestra together was a big hit and we have been best of buddies since then. A second common interest was chicken, which we religiously devoured once a week.

I met Varun after joining UGS. Even though we had been professionally introduced, our friendship embarked when I met him at our office ‘tapri’ for a fag; one of our common interest. As we got to know each other, I discovered another common interest, Varun was amazing at playing guitar.

Ganeshutsav 2006 had mediocre response from our colony and the organizers knew it was time for ‘Disaster Recovery’. They convinced Amar, used him as a bait to get me aboard and before it could sink in, me and Amar were discussing about the orchestra over a hot cup of coffee.

“Bhide, we need a guitarist this time” Amar said
“Yeah, I need company on stage, I really get bored out there seeing everyone staring at me throughout the entire orchestra” I replied
“Hmmmm, fair enough, and we need one more female singer. Our Alka Yagnik sings Pehela Nasha five scales down” Amar smiled
“-5 transpose, I can’t distinguish between your and her voice dude” I chided.
“Done then, I will look for the singer, you hunt for the guitarist”

One day, as I sat shortlisting the songs with Amar, it struck me the moment I discerned Kavita Krishnamoorty’s voice in the last possible octave.

“Howz the hunt going on?” I asked
“She is coming here in some time” without even blinking, Amar replied.

I met Maithili, who was sister of Amar’s colleague. And then during our rehearsals, Maithili met Varun (read met as ‘her voice hit his ears, his strumming hit her heart, eyes met, songs bellowed, glances exchanged, vibes overwhelmed, smoking quit and so on ….). The orchestra was eventful, with one of our star members honoring us with his stunts, but I knew that a oblivious bond was formed between us.

Soon after the orchestra we all met for a trek in few days. Maithili got a friend of hers along, Neetu, for the trek and after an adventurous mountain climbing, slipping, wandering in the wild, clicking intuitive fotos, there were fireworks between Neetu and Amar (read fireworks as eyes met, expressions exchanged, jokes overwhelmed, features clicked, Garfield was born, area 51 visited, twice to lush, 27 songs cd burnt and so on….)

Today as I sit back and recollect the way our friendship blossomed, it seems to me like a jigsaw puzzle. How does a girl from south, a boy and a girl from north, two boys from west, and one girl from ……….., let her be from terra incognita, get bonded? How do we complete the puzzle by falling in the right place? May be I might have to wait till April …….. but I know one thing for sure that we are missing one piece to complete the jigsaw puzzle; just one more to complete the six degrees of friendship ………

wHATZ tHE fUN iN wHISKY

2006-12-26T12:02:00.000+05:30

I was home alone for a nite as my parents went to Karjat to visit my grandma. I called up Nil to ask whether he was interested in camping at my place. He came over at ten and we settled in my balcony. Chips, milds, whisky, sprite and lotsa water. Alcohol causes dehydration; drink as much water as possible, a rule of thumb we inherited from our uncles and parents as a ‘How To …. Guide for life after 25 !!”

We discussed at length on the ever hot topic in both our households ………… “Marriage”. Girls we met till date for matrimony purposes, expectations and disappointments. We then moved to relatives and kinda gossiped like the elderly ‘Aatyas’, when they meet at a get together after a long time. Soon it was midnight and hunger took over all our senses.

“Kya khate?” I aked Nil
“Lets go to Great Punjab and have chicken”
“I have an idea, let us parcel chicken handi. Mom has got left batter in the fridge, we will make nice hot dosa’s”
“I am game, alto ……. Lets go”

We head banged our way to the hotel, which is open till four in the morning. We ordered for our food, paid the bill and waited for the parcel.

Cause: Whisky

Effect 1:
Great Punjab had a live Dhol player that nite, who entertained guests at every table. Nil’s adrenaline surged listening to the rhythm.

“Shall I go and dance with them?” he asked me
“Ja na dude”

Nil joined three different groups doing bhangra with them. Finally he came back.

“Boss, you should learn to play the dhol, then I will come every weekend to dance at your place” Nil said.
“Chal dude, we got the parcel” I dragged Nil with me.

Effect 2:
We came home and I put the pan for heating. As I swirled the first dosa on the pan Nil chirped ….

“Champo, we did not get the rotis, I hope the dosa’s work out”
“What do you mean by ‘work out’, you don’t trust me? Lemme prove it dude” I replied

Suddenly the flame flickered and died. We have a twenty-one cylinder centralized pipe gas, which has another twenty one cylinder backup. NMC guaranteed the pipe will never run out of gas; I did not want to prove them wrong at two in the morning and when we were dead hungry that we could eat an entire horse. I tried relighting the burner, each one of them, but in vain.

The pipe ran dry. The dosa still half cooked.

Effect 3:
I remembered the cylinder lying in our guest room balcony. I asked Nil to unplug the pipe gas hose from the burners till I got the cylinder from the balcony. As I carried the cylinder in my right hand till the kitchen, the vitrified flooring caught my attention. I asked Nil to get a floor mat from the dry balcony. He placed the floor mat down and asked me ….

“This doesn’t work all by itself; do you have another hose and some contraption that fits on nozzle.”
“Yeah, I do” I pulled out the necessary things from the drawers.

We fit contraption on the nozzle and Nil spilled water, dropped utensils in his fight to fit the new hose to the burners. As I proceeded to ignite, Nil questioned …

“You were holding the cylinder for a long time dude. Either your gym is helping or the cylinder is empty”
“Shutttttttttttupppppppppp” I snorted and tried to ignite again. It didn’t,
“Champo, this cylinder is empty, no wonder you could lift it for so much time” Nil exclaimed.

The uncooked dosa and spicy chicken in the bowl were testing our limits. Survival of the fittest.

Effect 4:
“I know there is one more cylinder here” I opened the storage space below the burners. There was one cylinder there, its seal intact, which definitely meant it was full. The only problem was getting to it. I cleared some of the boxes, moved oil containers and reached the cylinder cursing the interior who had convinced mom that cylinder was the least important thing in kitchen (due to the pipe gas) and should be stacked in a remote place. After fixing the contraption, I got up and looked at Nil; he was going to utter something and I cut him point blank ……

“Don’t even think about saying it” I said
“Champ, I was pondering whether there is a problem with this burner. Do you have a spare set?”

I turned the knob and held the match on the burner; it sprang to life. Hurriedly I cooked seven-eight dosas. Chicken with dosa @ 2:30am tastes awesome. After dinner, we stood smoking in our balcony. Nil said blowing out a smoke rings ……..

“Therez lotsa fun having whisky”
“You bet ….. ”

Never ask

2006-12-12T14:16:00.000+05:30

I committed a crime, as per her, a heinous crime. It’s aptly said; don’t ask a girl her age. I would like to add, don’t ask her weight too!!!

We met at our katta after a long time. As we were chatting, Nammo joined us. Ummm … not to say, but she appeared to have gained some excess flab. I tried to play with words to compliment her.

“Hey Nammo, you look healthier after coming back to Pune”
“Huh, mhanje?”
“Mhanje, healthier you know”
“So am I looking healthier for good or for worse?”

I should have just replied “for good”, but the ever active bug (EAB) in me blurted

“Healthier is a relative term, I ..”
“So you mean I have become fat?”
“Yes”
“Yes!!!”
“I mean no”
“No??”
“I just wanted to compliment you”
“By saying that I am fat”
“Come on, you have put on weight”
“So you were looking at me”
“Bole to?”
“Were you looking at me or not?”
“If I look at somebody else while talking to you, people will say I am cock-eyed”
“Why do you look at me?”

“What’s your height?” Baandu saved me
“5’6 ”
“And your weight?” EAB again
“Six …………… shutup”

She was grumpy the whole evening, we teased her a lot and she smirked at me for my compliment.

The SMS

2006-11-30T16:04:00.000+05:30

I don’t hold on to the tail of your kite, I am not like the other girls you have known, but I believe I am worth coming home to, kiss away the night, this girl only sleeps with butterflies …. So go on and fly then … boy …

For a few minutes I sat staring doltishly at the cell, trying to recollect whose number that would be. Cell numbers, unfortunately, are not like landline numbers, in that we can at least get an idea of the area from where the call originated. I gave up after two minutes and messaged back appreciating the “Good Morning SMS” and asked the senders name as an acknowledgement. I got a reply enquiring whether I had received the cell number change intimation SMS. I answered negative.

I like such SMS’, there is something romantic about them and at times creepy. You wish serendipity, which most of the times ends in exalted disappointment.

Strange is it not? That of the myriads who before us passed the door of darkness through. Not one returns to tell us of the Road, which to discover we must travel too…

I pondered over the text. So true, so practical ………. the words and their arrangement acted like a spear of diction and breached my clogged mind. If each one of us were to be clairvoyant, failure would loose its existence and so would success. Imagine a world without ambiguities …. without contingencies; a world where we all know beforehand, the ramifications of each and every decisions that we make. We need to experience ups and downs in life as they are the ones that help us distinguish between right and wrong; success and failure; winning and losing. In a way it is similar to personifying “Failure is stepping stone to success”.

Yeh hai meri kahani

2006-11-24T14:17:00.000+05:30

Not sure what bit Nil ......

It has been days ……. when I have not spoken about things revolving around.
First thing that I should understand is that I am no more a person who thinks and things happen.
Everything has to go in such a way that I don’t understand and I should do what others want
Well is it applicable to me ????
Ans is: YES….BECAUSE YOU ARE …………………………………………………..
( Depends on what you are )
Is this a Full stop or a beginning of or the ending of my thought process? Well I don’t know the answer but I am clear on few points
1. I have to do things which are not in my control
2. I have to change myself in such a way that I don’t exists on this planet
3. I have to do things which I don’t understand
4. And I am only responsible of what happens in others life because of me.

Is this what I want do……………………………………………………………………………………………………………?

I think everybody does that. Each and every person does it to an extent to make others feel better, Happy or may be kind of appreciate what you have done.
But is that good……….. Never because if you do that people will expect more out of you and then 4 Principal’s of unhappiness applies to you.
And Now you are history and if you die doing all this… Nobody cares of you.
Any false expectations are created by true values.

My first address ...

2006-10-19T14:03:00.000+05:30

My first ever address to freshers ........

Hello Everyone,

I would have personally liked to address you before the training kicks off, but as I had to fly to Japan, I have requested Mr. K to do the honor.

I underwent a corporate training for Java and J2EE back in 2004 when I was associated with a different employer. That’s when I met Mr. J, who was the trainer. For four days we talked at length from OOP concepts to Reflections and that was indeed an enlightening experience.

I was on the interview panel and I found some common misunderstanding of concepts amongst the candidates that I interviewed. That is the reason I why I to take this opportunity to share some of my experiences specifically with Mr. J and generally with “How to make the most from the training session”. These are some of my cheat sheets and it is not an obligation for you all to follow these steps in case our views differ.

Concepts: The most important and fundamental key to be good developer is to have your concepts clear. This training course is not similar to the commercial ones available in the markets where they teach you the syntactically legal constructs of writing Java/C++ programs. We have tailored the course contents to put more emphasis on topics that we feel should be discussed at length. Ask as many questions that arise in your mind and follow a simple principal “No question is stupid, no question is pathetic”. Once the concepts are clear, writing code will be very simple.

I would like to emphasize that you all put enough efforts to get the OOP concepts crystal clear by the time you all finish with the training. This was one thing in common that I found most of you lacked.

Implementation: The exercises given during the training need to be essentially carried out individually rather than in groups. Try to relate what you are typing. Don’t feel shy to ask Mr. J when you get confused over what really has to be done. I bet Mr. J will never spoon feed any of you; so try to give your best shot. Remember, once you get on with the projects, you will be all alone. I feel this is the best time when you all can start cranking up your debugging skills, imagination as to how the code might be working internally and so on. Try to squeeze as much information from Mr. J as possible. This includes best implementation practices, code reuse, how to decide the best fit java classes for a particular functionality when we need to make a choice from couple of types available at hand etc.

Post training: It will be good if you all can read some more literature after every session. Google.com is one unlimited source of information and “Complete Reference by Herbert Schields” is another ready reference. Read this book in parallel to the training and get your doubts cleared if you find a discrepancy between what is written and what was taught. It often happens that the wording in the book misleads us to believe in something that is actually not true. Be careful.

Mr. J: He is a well read and a no nonsense guy. I bet you won’t feel sleepy or bored during any of his lectures as he makes the discourses humorous enough. Try to understand the similarities and differences when he compares two technologies or the implementations in different technologies. Make ample notes from his presentations, specifically the definitions or different terms, java tenets, java constraints and so forth. They have proved very helpful to me in the long run. Take his assignments seriously as the feedback he provides on the implementation is genuine enough, it will train your mind while coding and also improve writing good performance code in the first shot. Trust me, you will be able to make a lot of use of these assignments when you come aboard on live projects. If time permits try to go the extra mile to implement additional features that might be discussed in the class.

Last but not the least. We are all here to help you out in case you are stuck with some implementation and Pankaj is not around. But don’t just get someone to fix the code and leave, try and understand the logic behind fix. The bottom line to successful coding is having the right logic in place as after that its only the semantics that have to be followed.

Treasure hunt

2006-09-28T12:13:00.000+05:30

I never knew that building a house would be so demanding, so difficult. But as the saying goes (in Marathi) “Ghar pahava baandhoon ani lagna pahava karun”, I attempted to personify the former. Had booked a flat in Jan’05 when they were digging up the site for leveling and foundation purposes. Had a look at the plan and finalized a south-west facing flat much to the delight and satisfaction of my parents. We were assured of the possession by March’06.

The wait was long, really long. Monsoon overwhelmed whole of Pune stagnating construction work for about two months, the delay was genuine. But good things seldom come like deer in the headlights; we generally know them well in advance. It’s the advent of good things we enjoy planning and dreaming.

Last two months were quiet eventful. Now that we had taken the possession, it was time for proceeding with the interiors. Discussions of overhead cupboard, double bed orientation, dressing table, glass shelves, wardrobe compartments, television unit and shoe rack seemed to go on for ever. Eventually we finalized on the designs and the outcome was satisfactory enough. We needed to select the laminates and as we flipped through the laminate cards ………..

Me: “We need to give a traditional touch to your bed room my bedroom should be contemporary. The guest bedroom should be vibrant and jazzy; after all it is going to be a ‘Enter at your own risk zone!!!’”
Mom: “I don’t understand this traditional and contemporary stuff; they should look decent”
Me: “How about teakwood and orchid white in my room, yellow and aster in the guest bedroom?”
Dad: “Don’t you feel its too loud? May be red burl or mahogany will look good”
Me: “Nah, that’s too conventional ……”

We flipped again and again through the cards till vendor specific codes for most of the laminates were by heart. At first we had decided to repaint only those walls that needed chiseling for light fixtures. But on second thoughts dad, who was earlier adamant, gave in to our pleas for repainting the whole house. This new go ahead added fuel to the fire, arguments were full of “Mera wala green, mera wala orange”

Finally the D-day arrived when we were going to shift. Mover & Packers assisted us in shifting. As usual they arrived two hours late. They barged into the kitchen, bedroom and hall to pack up all the things that qualified as an item ‘worth’ shifting. Utensils, clothes, show pieces, television, fridge, washing machine etc everything left their places and adjusted with each other in Sansui, HP, Onida boxes. When in doubt an item would pass the scrutiny of me or my parents, who sealed its fate of going to the new house or thrash bin. I was surprised seeing the number of boxes; God knows in past twenty odd years what all had we stacked in our house; all of this excluding major furniture like dining table and double beds, trolleys etc.

The 407 stopped in our parking lot. The soldiers of packing moved quickly, shifting all the boxes one by one into our new apartment. How much ever we try, its difficult to achieve perfection; this was personified when we started opening the boxes. Spatula shared space with woofer, satellites with frying pans and “Nirniralya Koshimbiri” book along side Computer Network’s by Tanen Baum. We were in a real mess but slowly we unpacked, at times to find serendipity, at times not. One of my aunts, who had experience of shifting thrice, helped mom in setting up the kitchen.

The real fun started the next morning.

Me: “Where is my towel? Any whereabouts? And do you remember me taking my I-card?”
Mom: “Million dollar questions, search in our heavenly abode”

The search for good night repellant was as tough as finding needle in a hay stack. It was similar to playing in-house treasure hunt. Everybody was hunting for one thing or the other.

I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling. Wasn’t that accustomed to the choir mattress but I knew I had to get used to it. Mind clouded with lot of thoughts, some which can be articulated, some obscure enough for me to understand and others like a prevue of treasures locked away in the chest. So much achieved but still a long way to tread. I felt empty. Something was definitely not in place. I missed my old house a lot. We left back lot of memories, priceless sentimental values. I missed my favorite corner of the balcony where I used to relished Maggi, the couches by the window where I relaxed after coming back from college or office, the study table where burned the table lamp for 7 long years from SSC to last year of Garduation, I missed them all.

It’s time for a new journey now and ummmmmmmmmmm ………. I guess not in solitude ………….. I am working towards attempting the latter!!!!!!!!

Come Happiness Come

2006-09-05T18:34:00.000+05:30

This is how I ridicule one of the most watched serials in Marathi homes; "Ya Sukhaano Ya". Those who don't watch this serial aren't necessarily the blessed ones cause there are many of its contemporaries existing and competing to boost the TRP rating of various channels, to name a few; "Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi", "K kusum", "Kumkum-Ek pyar ka bandhan", "Sindoor Tere Naam Ka" ...... which entertain different households.

"Because Mother-in-law was once a Daugher-in-law" is a killer. I mean the current Daughter-in-law is now eligible to be a Mother-in-law, pun intended as the number of years the serial is going on, Tulsi must have delivered atleast two babies out of which one will be a girl (speculating ok, I am not an avid follower) and now atleast 21 years to get married. The plot is similar to the reverse feedback principal which result when a microphone is held in front of the speaker set. The serial will not end unless the bahu is married into a family where the saas is already "bhagwaan ko pyaari". I don't see a way to break this infinite loop.

So whatz the point that I am trying to make. Well, to be candid, I don't have any point to make. Was psyched out when I saw couple of episodes of "Come Happiness Come". Didn't have an option as my mom was operated and has taken three months off and grandma had come over to help us. I generally come home by 8:00pm and thats precisely the time when both of them don't want to be disturbed while watching the TV. With my dinner plate in my hand, I haplessly sat eating in front of the idiot box convincing my mind that this is the "In-Thing" dude, you need to watch it, now that I am planning to settle down.

I couldn't comprehend some of then events. Firstly in that serial, from kiddos to blown out of proportion oldies, everybody cries. The auditions for such serials are not based on acting merits but on crying merits. One should be able to cry, mind it, no simple dimple crying. Ability to cry when you are decked up with the mascarra, lip gloss, eye liners, foundation mask and all related paraphernalia on your face helps you win Zee Tv awards. Secondly, the biggest irony of the serial is so inherrent in its name, "Come Happiness Come" filled with unadulterated SADNESS. I have just watched four or five episodes and I haven't seen any of those beauties smile.
I tried to peek into the story writers brain, which was full of vices, grudges, sadness, sympathy and all adjectives that can be used while describing the ever sad mom of K3G, and found some reprehensible thoughts in his heads. A listing of obnoxious events that surprizingly appear in the same chronological order as mentioned below:

Is it a well to do family where everybody is merry, plant a mole

The family head got a promotion ? Best time to resurrect a hefty debt the 3G family's first generation had taken for education of the 2G

Are the husband-wife talking about trust and faith, ufffffffffffff introduce her ex-boyfriend as her husband's childhood friend who just returned from US

Is the most loved Sister-in-law pregnant, kill the baby or the mother. Come on, we need to balance the joy, definitely both can't live

We are falling short of characters, get a skimpily dressed babe nextdoors

There ain't any sleaze, rape someone and by someone we really mean the eligible chics

The entire family is in the hospital with granny scolding Him for the returns on her life long dedication, get in a chocolate hero acting like an angel

Things back on track? Hook that same smart ass to a gullible chick who will eventually land the entire family into trouble with her misdeeds

Ohh shoot, everybody has forgiven her so fast, BURN HER, nothing bigger than this punishment

I am thinking of a nice conventional story. Mebbe will post it in my next blog.
The name:

Saas-Bahu ke nazuk rishte main resham ke dhagoon se baandhi Maya,

Ek haath main pati ka kumkum to dusare haath main pehele pyar ka diya,

Ankaheen khwaishoon se jisne muuh mod liya

Na jaane kiss aangan main raah dekh raha hai uska piya ???????

Whew......... The vision statement "No Matter What, You Have To CRY"

The Great Antithesis

2006-08-25T18:45:00.001+05:30

Note: The names (of individuals and organisations) mentioned in this following text are fictitious and resemblance to any person living or dead or to an organization existing/acquired/merged/closed/doomed is purely by coincidence. The author does not intend to hurt the sentiments of any individual/organization in any way.

I stopped my car inside Sadanand lobby and waited for valet parking. The security handed me a tag and drove my car into the parking lot. I turned back to face the pedestal board and it read

2nd Floor : Three Point Tech (3.T)
1st Floor : Hughes

No way, agreed Wednesday is midweek and people do party, but what a coincidence. Same place and two companies whom I am/was associated with.

I quit 3.T five months back. I just didn’t like my work profile. They interviewed me on various technologies and the training sessions were really good. Techno-Functional insight into commodity trading was what we learnt in the first month at 3.T. Even the initial two weeks of the project were good where I got a chance to venture into new frameworks and tools. But this satisfaction was short-lived. I was shifted to a project which had a weird release date ……….”Tomorrow evening” and that too, everyday. I just did testing for weeks together. Query values of columns from different tables, put them in some formulae and verify the results with values in result tables. My messenger status read “Trying hand at Microsoft calc”, “Microsoft calc is not user-friendly for NAV calculations”, “Handheld calculator is better that WinXP calculator” and so on. I mastered excel yet again, last time when I accomplished this feat was when I was a trainee on Reliance project and that earned me an entire product development effort. Coming back, I felt as if I was a numeration, a three years experienced well paid numeration man, paid to tally.

The messenger status turned to “Outcast by choice, verge of annihilation, extermination…”

I joined Hughes and am very happy with my job here. Five months down the line, here I was, standing face to face with a board, which flashed my previous months like a nasty adventure. It was a welcome party for our GSS head who had come down from the US. As I started climbing the stairs I crossed my ex-mentor. We exchanged a few pleasantries and two stark antithesis gushed forth.

One, ours was a welcome party to our head and theirs, a sendoff party to the company’s director

Two, the director was the same person, who was interested in knowing the reason I wanted to quit, during my exit interview. Mebbe he picked some ideas from the exit interview!!!!