I came out under the BED not from the closet

Letter To My Mom

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sat, 07 May 2011 04:23:00 +0000

Dear Mom;

I know it isn’t, much but I’ve decided to write you a little letter to tell you everything you mean to me. I was looking for cards for you the other day, something that you would like, and that could get my point across but wasn’t to mushy. It’s a hard compromise to make. So I said to myself “Self, why not make her a card?” But then I was thinking about it today, and I’m not the most poetic.

So here I am writing you a letter, something I probably haven’t done since I stopped believing in Santa *wink*. To express in words everything that you are to me would be like trying to fill the grand canyon one grain of sand at a time, but I’m going to try.

Everything I love about myself comes from you. My eyes, my ability to smile and laugh at myself. My perseverance, and ability to tell myself “It’ll all turn out in the end”. You taught me everything about life, from the most basic things like tying my laces and saying my ABC’s to much more complex things. Loving myself, simply because you love me, and complete understanding of others. You are the one who taught me about independence, and how to stand for myself. and that, I’m happy. you trust my opinion and always keep an open mind to what I have to say, not many adults have that respect for kids. You always listen to me and allow me to make my own mistakes. I’m sure you’ve watched me walk into situations that you knew were going to hurt, but the thing that lets me know how much you care is that you let me go into them. Had I been totally sheltered from life I’d never learn, and when life pushed me around you always gave me your shoulder and ear, and the strength to push back. I’ve always pulled through.

Remember grade 1 and Miss Arriola? How I’d cry because of her? She locked me in the closet? You always listened to me then, even though, looking back I realize my qualms were so frivolous. Your so self-less, it amazes me. I asked you SO MANY times what you wanted for mothers day but you couldn’t think of your wants! “Save your money….Don’t spend too much”! It’s so hard to find something this year because I realized, that I don’t give you as much credit as you deserve, flowers don’t do you justice. I want to pamper you, I want to hire an astronaut to write how much I love you on the moon.

I can’t express in words what you give to me without even knowing it. Your doing an amazing job being my mother, and I don’t think I tell you enough. I feel as though I take you for granted sometimes, and maybe you even take yourself for granted.

So today is your one day a year to be spoiled, one measly little day to focus on you rather then everyone else, when you’ve given every day of your life for the past 30(ish) years to me. I can’t imagine my life with anyone else. I don’t even want to imagine it. We’re growing old together and I wouldn’t have it any other way. So happy mothers day, I hope you enjoy it, and now you know that I can write more then 50 words about what you mean to me.

I don’t need an essay contest to tell you though. (549 words)

Mom I love you with every fibre of my being.

You need more then 24 hours.

Happy Mothers Day !

I’ll always have you to thank for everything I am.

Love you every day of the year

Your son, Titit

ARE GAY GUYS OBSESSED WITH SEX??

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sun, 17 Apr 2011 20:37:00 +0000

My thoughts and opinions on Davey Wavey’s post.

Ok, Its my off today and prolly tomorrow, my coleague’s gonna ask me (again) what did I do last night. with a matching devilish smile. See, I may be gay but that doesn’t mean that I have to sleep with everybody. Ok, men are sexually driven not obsessed. (well maybe to some) I can’t speak for all gay men but I do think being fascinated by sex and being promiscuous are separate. It’s natural to enjoy sex and want to explore. I’ll agree different expectations and options available can cause us to act differently.

I don’t go out and have sex every day. And that’s what everyone else (mostly the church think we do) They think we are sex crazed and we go out to the gay bar everyday and get banged! Yes, unfortunately there are people that totally reflect the gay stereotype, but the rest of us know that we are just like normal peeps, were just gay, and yes, men are more sexuality active then women but we can still choose not to have sex even tho we want to! When it comes down to it though I believe we each choose what we do in life. Obsession and promiscuity are two separate things. You can be deeply sexual and be selective or monogamous.

haynaku!! Ive said this before and Ill say it again….whether you believe me or not, i dont care……I am a faithful partner.

Hubby and Dubby. Marks Another Year. Yipee!

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 23 Dec 2010 03:13:00 +0000

My sweet hubby, we have made it to another year! I don't know how it is possible that we are at that year mark already. Crazy how time flies. I can honestly say that it's been another year of happiness and love which I want to thank you for. I'm also proud to say that I am officially your longest relationship (hehe) and I hope we have many more years to celebrate. You are such a good person: smart, funny, adorable, caring, every good quality a guy usually looks for in another guy. I won't say that every day is a ray of sunshine but I can say we have had more happy days than sad. Our so-called “union” is a huge blessing and I thank God for giving me such a wonderful partner to love. Here's to forever! I am very lucky to have you not only in my life but as my bestfriend as well. I love you very much.

Happy Anniversary Hubby ko!

Thanks to all our friends and family who greeted and participated in our simple celebration. It really meant a lot to us. A BIG Thank you to Mareng Mocca, Camille (my sister) and Mabs, my former band mates (Eight and a Half family), my Flava family, And to those whom we failed to mention…well, you know who you are…..anyway, thanks once again from the bottom of our hearts.

Pierre+Angelo

Goodbye, Auntie Luz

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 19:33:00 +0000

It's funny how someone in your life can just vanish all of a sudden. One's smile is taken for granted. You believe you will always have the chance to hug them and have their warm flesh comfort you. That you will always be able to hear their words. Such a luxury is that of normal life. But life, I'm afraid, isn't forever.

At 5:30pm 6/4/10 (Philippines) our Aunt, Luz Cortez Abatayo, went to be with her Savior. She went peacefully and painlessly. We all grieve, but we have hope. We rejoice with her — and we eagerly anticipate our reunion with her someday.

I like to think of it as a “freedom” for our dearest aunt — from a body wracked by cancer and life in a broken world.

Sadly, she didn’t make it on her birthday but we like to think that she celebrated a life well-lived — and a recognition that it is not death to die, that we can still rejoice.

My cousin Khaye wrote a poem for our beloved aunt called “Auntie Luz” The words beautifully capture our last several months with her — and are included below.

Auntie Luz

it must be hard to know your days are numbered.
you must think about this on your quiet moments.
i dont even know if you get to sleep well.
you must be thinking of what's gonna happen
when you finally go.
will your grandchildren forget you?
will they turn out to be good men?
how is my children gonna handle it when im gone?
well, your legacy will live on.
you have raised them well.
you are the kind of mother,
who would do anything for her children.
i am thankful to have been a part of your life.
i am thankful that i got to witness your smile,
your unique ways of mothering.
i just want to be there for you.
i just want to hold your hand.
i just want to help you in ways
that some people say im good at.
i want you to know you will be missed.
but you will also be remembered.
for everytime i get to see your kids,
i will be reminded of you
and of what kind of person and mother you are.
for i understand that if its hard
for the people thats being left behind,
it must be more painful to be the one leaving.
but we are going to be okay.
there will come a time
that when memories of you arise,
we will not be crying
but will be smiling
because we were fortunate enough
to have known you,to have witnessed
your laugh and your love.
you will forever be remembered
because of the life that you have lived.
we will take comfort in knowing
that you are in a much better place
where theres no suffering.
look down upon us
guide us, as we complete
our journey here on earth
to where you are now,
in the arms of the angels.....

HE CHANGED ME, totally.

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 03:24:00 +0000

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

[***Disclaimer: If you are single...don't tune me out. Read to the end. There's some good application for you at the very end...and try not to gag in the meantime]

Today is mine and hubby’s monthsary. My hubby and I have been together for quite sometime now and It's hard to believe that the time has gone by so quickly, yet at the same time it feels as though we have been together forever. It feels right. It has since the beginning.

Many years ago I didn't believe in soul-mates. I wasn't sure if God had one person planned out for each of us. But when I met Hubby, my perspective on this took on a transformation. It feels too right for it to be some sort of coincidence or "good match". It feels like destiny...what I was made for. I was made for him, and he for me.

I used to believe that singleness was the "better route". Don't get me wrong, I had a strong desire for gay marriage, but I always wondered whether or not I was sacrificing my relationship with God in order to be with him. I'm glad my perspective changed on this topic, because in our commitment I have found depth to my relationship with God that I could have never imagine existed.

Two are better than one in so many ways. First of all, my hubby encourages me. He picks me up when I am down. He fuels my spiritual and emotional fire when it feels like burning out. He makes me laugh when I am sad, and challenges me to keep going when my strength has run out.

Secondly, my hubby sharpens me. He is the mirror I need to see my flaws...some flaws I would have never been able to see alone. Because, deep down we all think we're perfect. We need someone to give us a reality check every now and again and gently remind us of who we really are.

Thirdly, my hubby loves me for me. His love is the most tangible thing I have ever experienced (aside from the Lord and my parents) He challenges me to love him in this kind of way. To love severely, selflessly, richly, and fully. To love with no strings attached. To love the way our Lord God loved us...giving everything so willingly and without reservation.

Now that I am comitted, I feel that my love have found a new avenue for growth. The beauty of this companionship, though, is that it isn't limited to just our relationship. In fact, it shouldn't be. Whether single or married we need people in our lives to encourage us, to sharpen us, and to love us.

And for those of you who are surrounded by community, but single...and waiting....continue to wait. There is nothing more glorious than being comitted/married to the right person. But there is nothing more miserable than being together with the wrong person. Lives shattered, destroyed, and broken because they settled for less than best. So wait for the best. Wait for the best because you are worth it. Wait for the best because you deserve it. Wait for the best because it's out there and in God's perfect timing, you too, will experience this kind of companionship.

And for those of you who are happily in love...take time today for a monthsary/anniversary of sorts. Take time today to remember and cherish the gift that God has given you in your partner. Take time today to encourage them, to sharpen them, and to love them. And take the time to let them know.

I love you Pierre Kristian. Happy Monthsary my hubby-kins.

Does God Care If I’m Gay?

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sat, 29 May 2010 06:59:00 +0000

“Gays shouldn’t be discriminated against in terms of occupation and other aspects. I’m not prepared to support it (gay marriage)”

-Noynoy Aquino

So let me try to understand what he’s saying… Does he want Christians to remain judgmental and hateful towards gays in terms of this undying issue? This is what I want to see change.

I love the Church. I am not terribly fond of some of the people who presume to speak on behalf of God by saying He hates fags.

Of course God cares if you are gay or not, if you are a man or a woman, if you cry or you smile. Because we were created in His own image he ought to care about his creation. What man builds himself a house and leaves it to go to nothing – he undergoes maintanance so that the house is in good state. Just like God: he undergoes maintenance work on us to be as He intended us to be.

God is Love and as what I’ve said we are created in His likeness so how can we be wrong? I grew up in a Christian home and I am a Born Again Christian… and gay. It took me a long time to realize that it was okay. It was who God made me to be and wanted me to be, for a reason. I try to live my life to make Him proud and also show that it’s okay to be who you were created to be. It’s awesome being loved by my Lord and no longer feeling like I am a mistake or an evil sinner.

I guess, let’s put a “halt” on those prejudicial crap. So, whatever works for each individual to bring them closer to inner peace, friendship, caring and kindness, including LOVE and all those good things that are Godlike, is fine.

Just let them be. Let them express their love without the society pulling their asses down. Who are we to break up a loving couple? Spread the love, not the hate.

Let’s say AMEN to that!

Am I Happy? Maybe Not.

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 01:05:00 +0000

I lied... specifically to myself. All this time I've been pretending that I'm okay. That I'm actually moving forward. I've been distracting myself with a lot of non-sense mainly because I've been avoiding a lot of things.

I've been avoiding answers.

The 5-w's have been hovering in my mind all these months (who what where when why), but the stubborn old me just didn't want to deal with all of it.

I had to wait this late, days before my departure, to get up the courage and get the answers to the questions that have been haunting me all these times. Thankfully I have amazing friends, bandmates, family and a supportive boyfriend that pushed me to initiate my move.

And thank the heavens I did. Otherwise, I would've painfully regretted not doing so.

So here I am finding myself in a bittersweet bliss. I got answers alright. Some were good, some not-so good, some were surprising, and some were great. It made me realize that I wasn't going crazy, blind or delusional. It helped me find out where I stand, and where I'm heading in this insane world.

And now I can't stop smiling. I'm laughing for no reason. I'm... happy and relieved at the same time. As if a big weight has been lifted off of my chest. I feel... whole. I guess finally... this time... the healing can begin.

The feelings of disappointment, bitterness, pain and betrayal are still there. And they're still strong. But I have to make a decision. A smart decision. Right now I truly need to take care of myself and the people I love. I need to fix things, not just within me, but around me. I need to pursue the things that I truly love.

But damn, I'd be a big fat liar if I say that I dont hate you.

And I'd be fooling myself if I say I will be ok.

Good luck with this new chapter in your life. You made a choice. You chose to be an unfaithful DAD.

Would You Have Given Him A Second Chance?

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 04:14:00 +0000

“The best of romances deserves second chances” –Peabo Bryson

Of course it's not bad. Just realize that there is a limit to how many chances you should give before getting used. Say if he did cheat on you and you at some point accept him back, and he betrays you again, well...it's time to dump his sorry a**. Like others have said, it really depends on the circumstances for the break. if it was a situation where he/she cheated on you, or was abusive, then i'd say no, no second chance allowed.

Otherwise I think it could be very mature of you to both want to work it out. if it was something like you both have some personal issues to figure out, and you just need some time apart, then i'd see no problem with a second chance in that kind of situation. I am hoping if this is what you are doing, that I wish you the best of luck.

*****

My boyfriend & I had been together for quite sometime. Since were countries-apart from each other and since we cant enjoy each others company, (based on his confession) He decided to get a drink & hang out with his friends……… without my knowledge. Yet, before I left Philippines, he promised that there will be no drinking while I’m away.

But the fact is that he didnt keep his word and has done so many things aside from the drinking session. The confession was so intense that it ended up breaking my heart because of some things which I can’t mention in here.

I knew I couldn't just cut this boy out of my life because of this mistake. It then occurred to me for the first time that I was too in love with him to let him go. If I had, it would've been the greatest mistake of my life.

Fast forward later in our relationship. He hasn't touched any liquor since that night. He remembers how he hurt me. Well, my boyfriend and I agreed to give our relationship another try. Our time apart made us realize how much we both really cared about each other. I'm so glad I gave this one a second chance :)

If you were in my position, would you have given him a second chance? Have you ever given someone a second chance & had it turn out for the best?

Jealous People Think About Cheating…..

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 13:53:00 +0000

Psychologists call this behavior projection. People tend to believe that others will behave in the same ways that they themselves would. I agree in the sense that we are using the term jealousy. i’ve noticed that in business the same thing happens. people who are constantly worried about being cheated are the ones who would consider cheating others. Its also like “The guy who points fingers and yells “Fag” at others is generally the most closeted ‘mo in the room”. parang ganun. heheh. Kristine and I had this mind-blowing conversation at YM and thought sharing with you guys would be great. Here it goes….

kasi, for me if a person is giving you reasons and hints to become jealous it would be a factor also that over time. jan na lalabas ang pagiging selosa…and if your partner cheated before and u are betrayed of course mawawalan ka ng tiwala….and you'll become suspicious and insecure then you nag. and getting jealous at the same time with probable cause or wala.--- Kristine

Personally, though, when I worry about someone I love being with someone else I can’t say it’s jealousy. I mean, you’re jealous of another person who owns or takes something you want or think you should have. but you can’t own your lover: they have to give themselves away– no one can take them without their participation. how could I be angry at or jealous of the other person they’ve chosen?

but yeah, I do worry about them finding someone they would prefer to me, and wanting to be with that person more. but I don’t think that’s exactly the same as jealousy. sometimes, for whatever reason, maybe things that happen to us as children, even, people are insecure, and afraid of being abandoned. I know I am. I wish I weren’t, and I’m on the path to being stronger in that way and in others, but right now, there it is.

and I love someone who is younger than I am, and no matter how secure you are I think that makes you feel incredibly vulnerable.

maybe for some of us it takes a lot more reassurance that it does for others. maybe our partners have to just tell us and show us more, and try not to frame it in terms of suspicion and trust. you can’t blame an african violet for needing to be watered more often than a cactus. maybe a cactus is what you want, but if you love those fragile blue flowers you have to give them what they need. and of course, vice versa.

My simple equation on the subject:

Suspicion = lack of trust.

Jealousy = lack of self-confidence.

Change The World…..or try to.

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 12:24:00 +0000

I have always wished that I could change the world ; and Ok, I can't, but I can change myself in order to help change the world. Right? Bytheway, this has nothing to do with any of those New Years resolution crap.

I would change

The thought that being Gay is wrong
The way people discriminate against peoples race, colour, especially sexual orientation
Myself

So, what am I going to do ... Well, from now on I will take 20 minutes or more a day to think about myself, my future and the love of my life and just be a little bit selfish - because the truth is, we don't think about us enough do we? and we never spoil ourselves.

I would change my perspective on life, because in the end we all are going to die, and we only get one chance to live, so enjoy it, maximize your potentials, love life!

What are you going to do? How can you and what would you change? Think about it!

A MALE Shopaholic <—a true story

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 17:26:00 +0000

I just watched “The Confessions of a Shopaholic” which reminded me of a friend I know who spends beyond his means. He has this wide collection of high-end loafers. From brands like Gucci to a limited edition of D&G. A pair that costs BD 302 (P37,146.00 to be exact ) He’s like the male version of Imelda Marcos. hehe.

This post is not meant to offend, but it may very well do so. Here, I am discussing the relationship between extravagant lifestyles and consumer debt.

Unfortunately, in our society, a growing number of people are living far beyond in what theyre earning in an effort to be something they are not, or to “keep up with the lifestyle’” so-to-speak.

We are flooded with images of beautiful models and movie stars living extravagant lifestyles, wearing expensive designer clothing, and driving elaborate cars that cost more than many middle-class homes do. These images affect our young and leave a lasting impression in their vulnerable minds about what they should be. Striving to impress their peers with expensive things….As they grow, it often seems as though they are actual celebrities starring in their own movie.

My point is, do we have to buy if its not that important/ necessary? It is so impractical especially on what we are facing nowadays. What do you think? Well, on the other hand……its his money anyways. Its always whatever makes him happy. :-)

blog upgrade

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 13:54:00 +0000

I was so amused at what I discovered here in my lappy. Microsoft has this application wherein you can make and customize your blogposts even without going to Blogger. Its called Windows Live Writer. you can also customize your photos and insert music. And thats not all…..an added feature where WLW users can add photos being uploaded from Facebook directly into their blog posts. (free plugin downloads at WLW site) Cool isnt it?

FIRST PARTY OF THE YEAR!

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 15:54:00 +0000

First of all, a huge huge huuuge thank you to my boyfriend for sending me a christmas card (even if it took weeks for it to arrive). You are so sweet Hubby. The feeling's unexplainable. hehe. and even my bandmates were jealous. hahaha. I cant wait to come home and shower you with hugs and kisses. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

Anyhow, Thanks to all the well- wishes, presents, for all who came to our new year countdown at Harvesters. Hope you guys had a blast....and furthermore, a great THANK YOU to the couples, Don and Maui, Richard and Grace for the amazing and awesome party. btw, the food is great. There hasn't been one boring second, It was so much fun that my cheeks are still feeling sore from laughing and grinning at everybody's crazy and funny antics. I enjoyed the party very much especially the "Pinoy Genyo" churva....fortunately, the "bayot" team is way better and smarter than the "straight" ones. hahaha! Go Girls!

once again, THANK YOU and HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone!

2010. Its Time for a LIFE & BLOG update

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 14:17:00 +0000

Sorry if I havent been on lately..this is because of some things like work and some family matters that I have to settle.

I’m sorry BLOG for neglecting you lately. I’m sorry for not writing about interesting things that happened because they didn’t feel so interesting or because I didn’t write about them when they happened and afterwards it felt “too late”. I'm sorry for not being sure how to say what I wanted to say and for taking a lot of bad pictures the last few months. I'm sorry for blaming it on the camera. hehehe.

I need to get back. To blogging, to doing creative things, to not just work all the time and think about money. Last night a good friend of mine, Mac, asked me what was the more important aspect of a job for me right now – fun or money – and my instinctive answer really freaked me out. There’s more to life than this. I need a life. I need to be happy. especially this 2010. lol

Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my readers. (if I still have any) hehe. my new year is somewhat bittersweet. Sad because Im far from him yet, the relationship is getting stronger everyday and Im proud for us.

PS: party @ Don's place tonight. lets party hard! please be there!

Are Men (Including Gay Guys) Polygamous In Nature?

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:45:00 +0000

Last night we were having a drinking session at a friends pad (thanks to Don & Richard for accomodating us....Arnel for the booze and Kathy, Alvin and Jared for the company) well, a drink after another led to an intense discussion whether men are polygamous in nature.

Anyway, here's what I have to say.."by nature" is an ambiguous phrase. Do you mean men are meant to cheat or that they have that drive to, but they won't necessarily obey that drive? We also have to talk about whether this is confined to the sexual realm or if it includes the realm of LOVE.

SEXUALLY: I believe we all have the drive to. It's the animal side of being human. To want to have sex with someone. We don't need to follow it, though.

ROMANTICALLY (i.e., on the level of love): I believe this is possible. There are so many ways to love someone that you can actually love two people at the same time. It is in the nature of love. Again, we don't need to follow it.

Maybe I might consider that men are sexual in nature and not emotional. That men will never be contented to do one person for the rest of their life. Love doesn't have to be involved; they can love one person but their "innate urges" will always drive them to seek novelty elsewhere.

I think contentment is all in the attitude of the person (some people are never satisfied and some are easily satisfied). So, I believe it's not up to nature to determine whether we will practice polygamy

To sum it all up, all can I say is that I believe in the power of CHOICE. Especially in cases like mine, I love my boyfriend and it is more within my control than most things in life.

.

I would walk a 1000 miles just to be with you

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:02:00 +0000

Few years back, an unassuming message by the nick of "Mr. Black Russian" happened to pop up and said, “Hey, wanna meet up?” Mr. BR and I met in a chat room that we both are constantly logged in, started “dating online” before having met in person, and by the end of that year, I knew that he is the one.

Nine months went by and after some endless conversations and countless dates and visits we decided to put our relationship to the next level. It’s been three months and a half since I’ve seen him last, and although an end to this madness is in sight, the distance between us is sometimes unbearable.

Meeting and falling in love with Mr. BR has made my years the best of my life, but it’s been bittersweet. Our days together are amazing, but saying goodbye is always difficult. Missing him has led to more tears than all of my past failed relationships combined. There are days when I have a hard time going about my routine because I miss him so much—days when I wonder how it’s fair that our life together is put on hold because I work in another country.

And then, on those nights when I’m lying in bed, having cried every last tear, longing for the comfort of Mr. BR next to me, I can’t help but wish that I didn’t have to go through this—that “the one” also works here and not one hundred thousand miles away. Absence makes the heart ache, not grow fonder… old proverb my ass!

Tonight is especially difficult because it’s our two-year point. A night worthy of celebration for many couples; one that we’d normally spend connected via the internet—but alas, Mr. BR’s connection is awfully-freakin bad, and his cell phone doesnt have a clear signal. It just seems like there are nights when the stars are aligned against us.

I just keep telling myself that it won’t be very much longer.

This morning when I was thinking about this post, I had planned on giving advice for surviving a long distance relationship. Mr. BR and I have made it this far, after all. Despite all of my nay saying, we are happy. The distance is definitely a drag, but we’ve managed. We both have good and bad days when it comes to being apart; today wasn’t a good day for me. I do have some good advice, though. That’ll be coming up next.

Happy Anniversary, Hubby. I love you very much and I wish I was there with you :'(

Does absence make the heart grow fonder for you, or does it make it ache?

Back to nature

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:13:00 +0000

I try not to be poetic with my words but sometimes they just came in, and it'll be a great waste to hush 'em away.... Wildlife reminds us that we are all “Nature.” Some people are obsessed with material things but they still yearn water and food. It’s our roots, we all come from nature, but we just forgot. I admit I love big cities, but as much as I love big cities with all the people, I love to escape to nature. Its been a while since my hubby and I went on nature trekking - and I miss those times. I just love the wildlife especially its smell after a heavy rain. Nature’s been and always will be my saviour when I’m feeling less than good. In nature, I find tranquility and peace.

What I Miss ....as a child.

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 03:13:00 +0000

What do you miss most about being 5 years old?

The other day, while walking down the street of Manama, I saw a child, about 5 years old, who was just lost in his own world - singing, dancing, being himself, being free, without care or concern about what anyone else thought, or who might be judging him. I mentioned to my friend, “I miss those days. I miss being able to just BE, without care or concern of what someone else thinks.” I also shared that if an adult was walking around doing what that 5 year old was doing, most would consider him mentally unstable. Then I said, “When/where did we lose our ability to play, carefree?”

That’s what I miss.

Fun in the Sun

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 01:41:00 +0000

Hi Everyone! Im back! Its been awhile since my last post. Its just that I have been very busy with work etc... as you all know im back here in bahrain again. Doing the same old shit. but hey dont get me wrong, i love my job. teee hee. Even if my hubby's back in Philippines, sob sob, I still find the time to check on him every now and then. As a matter of fact, we have just finished chatting... so I would like to give A BIG THANK YOU to Skype.

On the other hand, my bandmates and I were invited to a get-together at this Island here in Bahrain called "Amwaj" The place is so nice. its like youre in Venice. Anyway, Ill be uploading the photos here soon. But for the meantime heres a group pic of my band in Amwaj Island.

I LOVE MYSELF

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 11:02:00 +0000

Sometimes, I get commented by friends, usually the straight ones that.. "Ui, sobra na yang pagmamahal mo" or "Hala, OVER na yan" or worse.."Hoy, mahalin mo naman sarili mo" Is there a length or measurement of affection if you really care for one person? I mean c'mon. I'm sure we already know the answer of that question by now. Yet, I'll try to elaborate on that last comment.

Of course, I LOVE MYSELF. We should all do.

The first, most important and best relationship each of us must have is our relationship with ourselves. After all, we are the ONLY person that we are each going to spend our ENTIRE life with. If we do not love ourselves first, then we can not fully love someone else, they can not fully love us, and our relationship will be full of holes.

These holes begin to fill up with ego, selfishness, need, possessiveness, competiveness, misunderstanding and a bunch of other relationship destroying things that happen when we don’t have a loving and enlightened awareness of ourselves first.

Once we each truly understand who we are and why we are the way we are, we then learn to like, love and appreciate ourselves and our individual uniqueness. In other words, we stand in our own light with self-knowledge and awareness. At that point, we will be able to have and experience unqualified, unconditional and limitless love with any and all other beings that we encounter in our lives. This is because, as we know ourselves, we know all others.

Doing so, without any form of judgment, gives us the opportunity to enhance our own and each other’s Lives.

Isn’t this why we are all “here”, and why we have relationships with each other, so that we can have and share our vast and varied Life experiences, to help each other awaken, learn, grow and evolve spiritually, sexually, emotionally? So, if you have had one, are in one or eventually do experience one, view it with love, appreciation and the knowledge that it happened so that you and your partner could each grow and become better and more evolved beings.

So I guess by now you will not ask me why, how, or how did it happen? Just embrace Life with LOVE.

Kisses to all! mwah!

Pierre+Angelo

Long distance relationship do exist

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 15:46:00 +0000

You see, I'll be staying away from my Hubby for an indefinite period of time and sometimes I get to thinking that maybe I'll lose my confidence in myself and will be very desperate even though we have very good communication. But then again, when I think of the immense pleasure once I am going to come home and see his smling face, it is worth going through the pain. Well, I made this post real special for a very good friend of mine, TJ, whose partner left overseas. I know I may not be able to comfort her during these times but I hope reading this might help.

Whoever first said "out of sight out of heart", and many are having a feeling that the intimacy between partners will be lost to a certain extend when they are separated by distance. Still we have to find ways to hold on to our long distance lover. Career can pull anyone across the globe provided the opportunity is grand enough. The durability of a relationship depends on the compatibility, understanding and trust between partners.

Any relation, whether short or long distance, need a sound foundation of trust. Nobody can carry on a relation based on doubts, deception and constant fear of breaking each other’s trust. It is very easy for lying and making innocent mistakes which can make you doubt since you are staying separate at different places. Naturally there is a tendency to be independent when you stay alone but you shouldn’t have separate lives even though you live separately.

When your beloved is miles away from you, remember you are not alone and your partner is also going through the same situation. It is not easy going through the lonely days and waiting for endless night. Sometimes, you may feel like running into the arms of your beloved and sometimes feel like you are waiting for nothing.

I think the secret is just believing in oneself and learn to trust the person you love and focus on the future and make plans to live together eventually. and yes, I believe that long distance relationship really do exist.

PS: please visit this link as well. I think this is also informative.

I made a difference

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:00:00 +0000

Have I ever made a difference in my life?

As I traveled through life, I lived through all or most of this questions many times over, only to have each career thwarted and curtailed for the simple crime of being gay. I started out anew, summoning up resources I had within me, and some I didn’t realize I had, and each time was a new adventure, a new opportunity to learn and experience life afresh and wonderful in its glory, challenges and disappointments.

Eventually I came to realize that the original career path I had chosen would have led to a boring and spirit-numbing life; that would have been true of any single one I embarked upon. Instead, I have had a richer and more varied life, I have accomplished many more things, and I have made a difference whatever I did. None of this has been easy, and often making the changes and adjustments required much courage, but I think I am a better person for having traveled through life in this way.

Facebook Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 14:18:00 +0000

On my previous post, I was talking about network sites and that I'm not familiar with Facebook in particular. Well you know what, I could've stayed like that. or never got interested on that site. because I got hooked. I got addicted to facebook (er.....till now). It felt like you have to make it your priority or else its your "Restaurant" or "Farm" business. hahaha. There is this one time that I have been staring at the monitor for 2 straight hours (no kidding) I just observed how my crops grew. I was also waiting for it to be harvested. weird huh? LOL. After that, I felt like my heads about to explode. LOL

Anyway, Im already sober and rehabilitated. so Im back with my blogging.

Stainedheart's Random: Archangels Acoustic Covers

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 08:48:00 +0000

You know when you're just standing there, minding your own business, and then some song comes on from hell-know's-where, and it just reminds you of your awesome partner (or companion, if you're that way inclined). A few days from now it'll be another memorable day for both of us and I have ran out of ideas on how to surprise him. (silly me) lol. Since we both love music, I thought it would be nice to make a compilation CD for him. I made my own cover of the songs with an acoustic feel. And this time to make it more personal, I will be singing the songs. Please bear with the squeeking and etc... lol. Here's a list of songs that reminded me of my amazing hubby, Pierre. Now, I think it would be nice to share it with you guys. You can download the whole compilation here

Well, as a matter of fact, I'd love to share the details of how, when and why they hit me so hard, but I guess its way toooooo uber personal. hahaha. Just wanted to let you know guys that even now, I can't even think about these songs without gettin' all tore up (sometimes even at work, which can be quite embarrassing!). lol

Stainedheart's Random: On Criticism and Compliments

noreply@blogger.com (stainedheart) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 12:39:00 +0000

I find it quite difficult to be unaffected by what people think or say about me. I’m human, I’m a social being. I need other people around me to feel happy, I need them to share my grieve. Of course that means that you have to open up for other people and let them be part of your life. That also means that along the way you’re bound to get hurt or that someone is going to flatter you for the wrong reasons. Learning to deal with that is an important part of growing up. But I also have learned that sometimes wisdom comes in the form of criticism. If you take a minute to think about what people are actually saying, you will find that very often there is an element of truth. You may not like the packaging, but there still is a little present inside. If you think it is worthwhile you can keep it, if not you can throw it away.

Compliments and criticisms are like rain drops striking the roof of a house: they just roll right on off. But if you want you can catch them and use them to grow something beautiful. - Pierre+Angelo