I Can't Believe I'm Still Single

Your boyfriends, husbands, and pals are fantasizing about sucking tranny dick

I'm just sayin.

I've been getting many lovely letters from people who are digging my show. Thanks to all of you. I'm so glad it resonates with you. Of course every one in a hundred is from this guy or gal: "You are gay nearly" or "You shouldn't look girls up and down like that. It's rude" or "The reason you can't find a girl is on account of getting fucked in the ass by doms."

Okay geniuses, this lesson is for you. Listen up, it's a little complicated so I'm gonna go reeeeal slow.

I'm a straight man. All straight men look women up and down. God made us that way. Take it up with him if you have a problem with us checking you out to see if we should impregnate you to propagate the species. The same desire women have to doll themselves up so that our cocks will get hard and want to go in you to propagate the species is the same instinct we have to look at you. Straight Darwinian AND God stuff. Deal with it.

Secondly...

In general, gay men don't want to fuck trannies.

In general, gay men don't want to get fucked by doms wearing strap ons.

In general, gay guys... like to fuck other gay guys.

In general, women, gay or straight, don't want to fuck trannies.

In general, women, gay or straight, don't want to get fucked in the ass by doms wearing strap ons. (Obviously lesbians have a slightly higher proclivity of course but that's mainly in their pussies, not in their asses.)

In general, bi sexual guys like real cocks when they fuck guys and therefore don't go in for doms, some for trannies but less so than good ole regular gay guys.

So that leaves one kind of people who are the NUMBER ONE GROUP INTERESTED in FUCKING OR GETTING FUCKED BY TRANNIES AND GETTING FUCKED IN THE ASS BY DOMS... wait for it... STRAIGHT MEN.

Get it? There is a multi multi million dollar tranny escort (this means whore), porn, and dom industry and kids, I ain't that rich! That means that all those "straight" guys you know, your friends, family, macho guys at the gym, wall street guys, lawyers, blue collar... whatever... many of them are jerking off fantasizing about getting fucked by a dominatrix wearing a strap on, or a shemale.

And many are actually doing it too. I hate to break it to you, but that's just the fact. Millions of "straight" guys are paying all those dollars to support the tranny and dom industry, so if that makes us gay then the stats for gay America just skyrocketed.

The joys of giving over are obvious and plentiful to those of us straight guys who dabble. For those of you who don't or wish to judge, you might want to get your facts straight so you don't poison the world with anymore bullshit. We have way to much contaminating us already. ALL LOVE, namaste, xo e

A Week From Sunday!

My eyes were a little too big for my stomach, no surprise, and I thought when I was back, I could be back in a more prolific way than it seems I could be because I hadn't finished editing the show, which premiers a week from Sunday! I apologize. I'm finishing the last episode this week so next week I'll have nothing to do but freak out with nerves awaiting the first episode's airing and write little stories (or at least one) for you!!!! Set your TiVo's and DVR's and eyes on Showtime! Just for you I will give you a hint of what you'll get in the first show... Domina XXX. Not as severe as in the book, but a taste. xo e

Click Image For Air Dates and Times!

Old is the new black

I'm not political in the conventional sense. I do care deeply about our world and every creature in it and that includes politicians, but I just feel talk is cheap and resolute; firm and decisive action is the way to bring about change. So that means I don't care what pundits say, I don't care what politicians say; it's clear to me it's a big money machine serving special interest groups, TV, and gossip lovers.

Now, that's not to say that I don't get inspired when I catch a couple minutes on TV of a rare man or woman who seems like someone I'd like to have dinner with, and who happens to be in the political business. I do, but they are few and far between. And even then, I'll wait to see if their rhetoric turns into action before I really get inspired.

Usually, these few minutes I catch of these people on TV happens at the gym. Since I'm very very old now, sometimes, if not feeling enthusiastic, I sit on that pathetic seated bike and go for 30 minutes. My motto is, "If it's harder than sitting on the couch eating cake, it counts." As useless as that bike is, it falls under the category of being harder than eating cake on my couch, so it does indeed meet the criteria of a successful workout and I leave feeling I've moved towards the solution rather than away from it.

Yesterday, while on the bike, I saw a poll on CNN taken by the NY Times I believe or some such thing. Three out of four Americans would rather elect a black man than a 72-year-old man to be President of the United States Of America. This resonated with me, since not only am I closer to 72 than to being black (although I will say I possess many qualities black people possess that most white people do not. Namely I'm a seriously good basketball player and I can clear the room when I dance, even when fat), but also because I realized suddenly that this poll confirmed it was more hideous to be old than to be black.

In America. In 2008. Finally black people are not the low rung of the discrimination totem poll.

I was shocked as this ineffable truth set in.

Old is the new black.

And this wasn't a poll of Democrats or blue state people or MTV kids. This was all of America. So the redneck racist cunts in the South, when asked, "Would you rather elect a black man or an old WHITE guy to be president?" replied, "Well we can't have grandpa in there, so I guess we'll take the guy we still drag behind trucks till they die."

Shocking.

Being old, I am now the most hated of all Americans. While I am so glad black people finally are out of the last spot, I am sad I have now taken it over. Come on people, love up us old folks, it's hard enough putting in 30 minutes on the exercise bike and suddenly not being able to read menus 40 years earlier than anyone told us that would happen, let alone feeling all of your hate. You've finally learned to love the black man, use that same grace to love us. xo e

I'M BACK AND IT'S SHOWTIME!

Okay kids, I'm coming up for air and going to start giving you what you've been asking for, and what I've been wanting to give but was too busy! Forgive that clunky first effort but the heart was there. It's way late and I'm exhausted but I wanted to get back in the saddle. I'll warm up fast, you know I will.

JUNE 22nd at 11:30pm and every Sunday night thereafter for 14 weeks my new show will air on Showtime! "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single From Portland To Portland" That's fucking soon! It's ridiculous. It really is the book come to life. I'm flying without a net on this one and honestly am a bit scared. That's really never happened before so be gentle with me.

Spread the word!!!

Okay, I re-broke my cherry and am excited to get back with ya'll. In the coming days you shall have "Old is the new black" and "The terrorist who turned out to be God." Ahhhhhh yeeeeeeeah suckers I'M BACK!!!!! Ring the bell baby, I AM BACK!!!! xooxoxoxo e

All You Need Is Love

So here's the deal. I'm making a 10-part TV show out of my recent book tour. It will be either on a network or exclusively available on a weekly basis though my website, Amazon, and/or Netflix, I haven't decided which way I'm gonna go yet but one thing is for sure... it's stupid good. There will be an ample dose of the world according to Eric, many dates in many cities, and a ton of heartfelt and funny interviews with all kinds of people across the country about the nature of chemistry and love and singledom and union. I think you're gonna dig it. Get ready, it's coming as soon as the winter! Spread the word! xo e