I Got News For You

New Stuff at IGotNewsForYou.com

2007-01-23T20:26:00.000-05:00

We've been working pretty hard at IGotNewsForYou.com so haven't been posting to the blog as much as I'd like. But here's the rundown.

IGotNewsForYou has always been a labor of love. So we've decided to make the IGotNewsForYou newspaper page FREE! Now you can create pages for friends and family and send out as many as you like, at absolutely no cost. There is no longer a need to subscribe or login.

IGotNewsForYou is now simpler and easier to use and since launching the free version, we’ve experienced a terrific rise in the number of pages being created and sent. That says something about the Internet experience and expectations. Regardless of how inexpensive something might be, people don’t want the hassle of paying. You don’t have to pay to send IGotNewsForYou pages.

We’ve created quite a few Valentine’s Day stories. Send an IGotNewsForYou page for Valentine’s Day to your sweetie, friend, lover, boss, boy toy, gigolo, sugar daddy, husband, wife or whoever turns you on for something completely different and something that they won’t soon forget.

We’ve received a number of comments regarding the Raunch/No Raunch option. A sender can choose, by checking the appropriate box on the fill in form, if she/he feels her/his recipient might enjoy raunchier content. Some feedback has indicated that a third category might be of interest - an Ultra Raunch category that would display content that is more controversial, bawdier and definitely more “in your face”. Granted these stories and pictures would not be suitable for the under 18 crowd or the more sensitive viewer, but we’re thinking about it based on these comments. Let us know what you think.

We have eliminated the 30-day period in which a recipient’s page was available for viewing and have added a feature that allows recipients of IGotNewsForYou pages to choose if they would like to share their page with the world. Let others see your name in lights!

We’ve been adding new stories and modifying older ones – always trying to be funnier, more satirical and certainly more topical and up-to-date. Had to edit one of our Saddam Hussein stories recently because, as we all know, he is now in tyrant hell and no longer with us.

Home Renovations and the Healthy Relationship

2006-11-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

One of the activities that couples who wish to maintain a "good" relationship should avoid is home renovation. Regardless of how minor the planned improvement to the shared nest will be, I suggest you let the nest fall into complete disrepair, if you want to keep your relationship (let alone, your active and healthy sex life) intact. Now of course if one spouse (typically the male in a non-same sex relationship) takes it upon himself to do all the planning, decision-making and the execution, without any involvement from the other home inhabitant - yeah, like that's going to happen - then fine - you might be relatively successful in the reno and the relationship may not become too damaged.

I speak from experience. My wife, aka "she who is always right" and I are embarking on some relatively minor home renos which involve the replacement of two toilets. Now I really don't care what toilet "she who is always right" chooses. I'm sure it will be attractive, functional, match the existing bathroom decor and will fit the appropriate part of her ladyship's anatomy perfectly. I have no input on selection of said bathroom fixture. Nor do I want any. My toilet, on the other hand, or should I say, our toilet but the one that I regularly use, is of course, an issue open to debate. I want one that will flush perfectly every time. That's my priority. I really don't care to spend the rest of my days with rubber plunger in hand, paper towels on the floor and crap flying around the bathroom. I want a functioning toilet. The madam of the house wants one that's attractive. Hmmm...right....ok.

So during one of our many "discussions" about which toilet I will be planting my butt on every single day for the rest of my life, her ladyship "suggested" we get me one of those new low-slung, low-volume, double-flush porcelain cuties. These, she said, would fit the decor perfectly. I think that these crappers might have trouble flushing a ladybug in a kleenex. I suggested that my movements can be quite big and hard and that these pretty little potties might not be able to handle the job. I am, after all, quite proud to say that I have blocked a number of cans in my time. Madam said I should eat more fiber and drink more water. I replied that I hated fiber but didn't mind water too much. She suggested that I flush a few times during the activity. Well, first of all, the double flush button is directly behind one's back on the top of the teensy-weensy tank of the teensy-weensy toilet. You could break your neck trying to reach it while sitting there. Unless you're a Cirque de Soleil Chinese contortionist, a chiropractor visit will certainly be required after attempting this maneuver. Secondly, flushing mid-poop is dangerous to your health. Think of all the bacteria-laden gases being created and blown up your butt during the flush. And what happens if, upon flushing, the toilet blocks while you're on it. Then water and crap is floating real high up the bowl getting ever closer to your butt cheeks and sagging gonads and you can't get up because you haven't quite finished yet. And that would be a good thing compared to an overflow.

When I brought up these very serious concerns, madam said I was being childish. Waaaaaaaa!

Comments? I can be reached at mike@igotnewsforyou.com

Whiny Baby Boomers

2006-11-09T19:37:00.000-05:00

I know that the baby boomers (and I am a proud member of said group) complain and whine endlessly about their spouses, their sex lives or lack thereof, their diminishing stamina, politics, taxes, inflation, traffic, air quality and global warming, but - hold on a sec - you mean some boomers don't complain about these things! Nah, they all do. Don't they? You mean it's just me? Ugh!

In any case, was talking to a fellow boomer the other day...man, was he complaining. Said that after all these years of marriage (and he claimed his was an arranged marriage - arranged by Satan) that it couldn't get any worse. Said he had mentioned to his wife that he wanted to go to a warm vacation spot this winter...she told him to go to hell.
Told me that they both found each other's body somewhat gross and ugly. Said that before sex he takes a Viagra and she takes a Gravol...he wants to make sure he can perform, she wants to make sure she doesn't vomit.

Ah, these are the years!

Technology and my Mom

2006-10-25T20:45:00.000-04:00

My brother and I try to visit our Mom once a week and as she's getting on in years some visits can be pretty funny. Last week was no exception.

She was trying to tell us a story and as she can be a bit forgetful was having a bit of a time trying to get the story sequence, plot and characters right. And she was getting a little desperate as she also wanted to maintain our rapt attention.

Well she wears one of these wrist buttons that when pressed start a two-way voice communication session with an organization that will confirm if the senior citizen is ok and if not alert the proper authorities. While trying to recount her story, my dear Mom accidentally pressed on the button and immediately from a little box in the other room a voice called out, "Are you all right? Are you all right?"

My brother and I reacted instinctively to make a dash to the other room to confirm to the disembodied voice that she was indeed ok and had simply pressed it accidentally. But Mom said, "No no, it's ok. It's happened before. Don't worry about it. Let him talk, I want to finish my story."

I love technology and I love my Mom...great!

My Top 4 Mistakes as an Entrepreneur

2006-08-16T09:28:00.000-04:00

"Pratice what you preach" or "Do as I say, not what I do"? Maybe it depends on who you're talking to, but today, I'll pratice the former and embrace my failure. How have I failed? Oh, let me count the ways. No, really, I'm going to count the ways. Here are 4 big mistakes I've made as an entrepreneur and small business owner. I've learned from these mistakes, and hopefully I won't make them again. And, perhaps others will learn by proxy from my mistakes -- if you can avoid 'em, great! If not, then at least you'll know you're not alone.

1. I Didn't Network Enough In My Own Backyard

First -- the positive. Very shortly after starting my web development business I realized I was not a good salesperson. My partners were worse. So we made a smart decision and modified our business model to target other, larger web development companies in the US. This was 1997-1998, things were booming and there was a shortage of good programmers. We were cheap (the great Canadian-US exchange rate helped!), did good work and eager. Plus, it was easy to talk with people in the same business as us; no need to go after people that said, "What's a website?" But that leads me to the failure. I spent so much time looking elsewhere for opportunities that I completely ignored my own backyard. There was plenty going on in Montreal at the time too; but I was almost entirely oblivious. The result was that I missed plenty of opportunities to develop relationships with other local entrepreneurs. And when it came time to do things like hire people (employees or contractors) I was at a disadvantage. Now more than ever, with blogs, podcasts and the reach of the Internet, networking is insanely easy, but the bulk of that is done in the great beyond...don't forget your own backyard. You can't replace meeting people face-to-face, and building a solid foundation at home. Truthfully, I still stumble with this. These days 99.9% of my clients are in the US and I spend an awful lot of time networking online. I have to conciously remind myself to stay involved and active in Montreal.

2. I Managed My Employees With a Jell-O Fist

When I first started hiring people I had very little experience managing them. Back in those days I was lucky if I could manage myself. Granted, most of it was common sense (and still is) but there's still a lot of learning that takes place. I took a very easygoing approach to managing my employees. Too easy. It resulted in a very fun and relaxed work environment (those are positives), but also in a bit too much leniency, flexibility and inefficiency. That last one is the killer: inefficiency. By managing with a Jell-O fist I was too flexible and when the workload piled on, the employees and I crumpled. Now, I've learned to balance my management style between Militant Ninja and Super Chill Dude. The balance allows me to tighten the reins when needed, but generally leave them loose enough for people to do their best work.

3. I Relied Too Much On Others

That might sound odd, considering that most entrepreneurs rely so much on their own efforts to succeed. But the truth is, over time, I've relied on others, be they partners, vendors, contacts, etc. too much. I grew complacent at times, expecting others to make things happen. I "put my eggs in someone else's basket." The truth is, to succeed, entrepreneurs need to ask for help. We can't tackle everything on our own. But it comes down to balance. Ask for help. Find help. But don't rely too much on others.

4. I Believed the Hype

I started my business in 1996. By 1998-1999 the Dot-com Bubble was huge. Hype was insane. Money was flowing all over the place. People were spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on websites that now get built for tens of thousands of dollars, if not less. It was a crazy time. And it was so easy to get sucked into the hype. And I did. Not as much as others: I didn't invest my life fortune in .com companies, but I was in the middle of it trying to strike it rich. Well, we all know what happened. K-A-B-O-O-M! The proverbial poo poo hit the fan, and people stopped investing in websites or anything Internet-related. I survived with some insight, having gotten into software development to balance the web development business, but the hype for a couple of years was almost all-encompassing. Lots of people got rich at 25 (or younger). I didn't. Lots of people lost everything. I didn't. So I ended up OK, but I won't get sucked into hype like that again. What's scary is this -- it's happening again. Web 2.0. (I nearly spit when I say that phrase.) With any speculative bubble there's the good and the bad. There's positive change and then there's also a ton of money wasted. It scares me, but makes me laugh at the same time. I try and sit outside the hype, looking in, even though it's tempting to jump in. The Web 2.0 bubble will burst. Maybe not the same way the Dot-Com one did, but it's going to fizzle out. Lots of Web 2.0 software companies will disappear (taking with them a ton of ancillary companies in marketing, PR, services, etc.) as they run out of money and realize they forgot something critical: a business model. So there you have it. Four of my biggest mistakes. Care to be brave and share some of yours? Related Entries: * Companies That Act Like 2-Year Olds Need to Grow Up * You're Not Rich Yet? Take a Step Out and Regroup * Don't Treat Employees Like Sheep. It's Bad Business. (Technorati Tags: failure, business, entrepreneurship, web 2.0, software) PS. Although not inspired by Darren Rowse's latest writing project, I will be submitting it there. He's looking for lists. Check it out and contribute!

Humor Business Done Right - TopFive.com

2006-09-19T09:32:00.000-04:00

TopFive.com is a great humor site. They publish Top 5 and Top 10 lists -- many of which will make you pee your pants (if you're into that sort of thing.)

They've been around since 1994 so there's some serious longevity there.

They've managed to get celebrities, and pseudo-celebrities to moderate lists (which means deciding which one gets published on any given day) including the likes of Mark Cuban, Pat Sajak (Canadian!), Smash Mouth and Asia Carerra.

TopFive.com has a free service, where you can get lists for free right on the site, but there's also a couple levels of "for pay" (or "premium") services as well, where you get access to bigger lists and archives, and can also start to participate as a contributor/writer.

All in all, TopFive.com looks like a solid humor business, and some of the lists are downright hysterical.

Here are some samples:

* The Top 5 Problems With Teaching a Dog to Drive

* The Top 5 Rejected Katie Couric Closing Lines

* The Top 5 Songs on Paris Hilton's CD

Go check out TopFive.com and enjoy a daily laugh!

(Tags: top5, topfive, top 10 lists, humor, joke websites, comedy)

How to Ask for Help Properly, Build Better Relationships and Be More Successful

2006-06-26T20:49:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> How to Ask for Help (Technorati Tags: relationship building, getting help)

Retail Pooping Is Important.

2006-06-26T10:05:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> Retail Pooping Is Important

MarketingSherpa - Will You Answer Me?

2006-06-23T10:29:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: MarketingSherpa Will You Answer Me? (Technorati Tags: marketingsherpa, customer service, americangreeting, e-cards)

Testing Your Blog on Multiple Browsers is Very Important.

2006-06-13T08:51:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> Testing Your Blog on Multiple Browsers (Technorati Tags: browsers, firefox, safari, internet explorer, browser compatibility, browsershots.org, browsercam)

My Blog Goals Achieved Today - Meeting David Askaripour

2006-06-09T15:46:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> My Blog Goals Achieved Today (Technorati Tags: problogger, blogging goals, mind petal, David Askaripour)

Get Rich or Die Tryin' (Ok, Not Really, But It Sounds Cool, No?)

2006-06-08T09:56:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog (Technorati Tags: darren rowse, problogger, blogging goals)

Don't be an Asshat. When a Client Leaves Be Friendly, Responsive and Smart.

2006-06-08T09:08:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog (Technorati Tags: asshat, assbag, client relationships)

Thank You to Mike at Converstations For Being a Fan. And Participating in the Online Community Really Works.

2006-06-01T10:12:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> Thank You to Mike at Converstations... (Technorati Tags: blogging, online marketing, mike sansone, converstations)

Post to Your Blog Early in the Morning. Or So I'm Told.

2006-05-26T08:48:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Post to your blog early in the morning, or so I'm told (Technorati Tags: problogger, blog posting in the morning, gillette razors, brushing your teeth)

Be Careful About Devaluing What You Offer

2006-05-22T09:19:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> Be Careful About Devaluing What You Offer (Technorati Tags: lowering prices, entrepreneurship)

You're Not Rich Yet? Take a Step Out and Regroup

2006-05-17T10:24:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> You're Not Rich Yet? Take a Step Out and Regroup (Technorati Tags: entrepreneurship, starting a business)

Corporate Culture Confusion: Naming Meeting Rooms

2006-05-16T11:01:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> Corporate Culture Confusion (Technorati Tags: where the hell was i, charlie hatton, corporate culture)

Disaster Management and Scaling Big

2006-04-12T13:45:00.000-04:00

Please read this article at: Instigator Blog >> Disaster Management and Scaling Big (Technorati Tags: disaster management, succession planning, scaling a business, how to grow a business)

Things to Remember When Bootstrapping Your Start-Up

2006-02-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

Please find this article at: Instigator Blog >> Things to Remember When Bootstrapping Your Start-Up (Technorati Tags: bootstrapping, entrepreneurship, starting a business)

New Bootstrapping Blog Lists 45 Bootstrapping Ideas from Inc.com

2006-07-31T12:31:00.000-04:00

Shawn Hessinger has recently started a new blog entitled, bootstrapme.com - how to bootstrap your business to fame and fortune. It's part of the creative weblogging network and definitely worth reading.

The blog is relatively new, but Shawn recently published 3 posts which include 45 bootstrapping ideas culled from Inc.com's website content.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

I wrote some of my own thoughts on bootstrapping your startup back in February.

If you're in the middle of starting a business or thinking about it, these resources are going to help you immensely. Even if you're not boostrapping a business, maybe you're in the thick of things, or you've been running a business for many years -- the principles here can still apply, and sometimes we lose sight of them which can turn our businesses sour. Good luck!

(Technorati Tags: bootstrapping, startup, entrepreneurship, inc.com)

The Path to Osama Is Through Bobby Brown

2006-09-12T09:35:00.000-04:00

Clearly, I'm not as up-to-date on the intersection between world politics, entertainment and the bizarre because otherwise I would have heard much earlier than last night about the fact that Osama bin Laden is obsessed with Whitney Houston and wants to kill Bobby Brown.

It's true. Honest.

My wife told me this last night. It's in the newspaper so it must be true, right?

Let's assume it is true. It seems obvious to me at this point that capturing Osama bin Laden would be easy. Why the US government hasn't thought of this is beyond me. Or maybe they have, and there's a secret ops mission in the works already. I bet the Secret Swiss Cow Militia has something to do with it.

The US government needs to use Bobby Brown as bait. Getting Bobby Brown to Afghanistan should be easy..."they grow LOTS of poppies there, Bobby...it's the #1 source of materials needed for heroin, Bobby. H-e-r-o-i-n."

Ok, so maybe Bobby's more into the ganja than shooting up with heroin, but still. Find a way to get Bobby Brown over there. Give him immunity for anything retarded he does in the future. Just get him there.

Draw Osama bin Laden out with Bobby Brown. Find a way to kill Osama. I don't want to work through all the details and then have really big guys in identical suits named Johnson and Johnson knocking at my door ("You know too much, Mr. Yoskovitz, come with us.") But suffice it to say this seems like a foolproof plan. If we happen to lose Bobby Brown to the cause...well...exactly.

(Tags: osama bin laden, bobby brown, whitney houston)

Please Update Your Links to Instigator Blog

2006-09-08T09:57:00.000-04:00

Some time ago I separated this blog into two life forms. The funny, irreverent, silly stuff stayed here -- evidenced by my recent thoughts on farting and vigilante Swiss cows.

The entrepreneurship, business, marketing and technology thoughts went elsewhere. To Instigator Blog.

Many of you have linked here because of the business side of things, because we connected as fellow entrepreneurs, like-minded souls looking for the answers, sharing interests in buzz marketing, small business, productivity and technology. And I wholeheartedly thank you for that!

Those of you that did link here because of that, it would be great if you could update your links or add new links pointing to Instigator Blog.

I'm not tossing this out there to "beg for links" but if you originally did link here for the reasons I stated above, your links may no longer really be appropriate for your own readers, audience and community. Although laughing is always great, I don't want your community to think they'll come here and see stuff about entrepreneurship, when they'll be reading about farting and mad cows.

I appreciate all the support I've received since starting this blog and moving to Instigator Blog (feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/InstigatorBlog).

Thanks again for being a part of my community and letting me be a part of yours.

And if you ARE here for the funny, bizarre and downright silly...then GREAT! Stick around, it only goes downhill from here. *grin*

( Tags: small business, link love, blogging, blogs, entrepreneurship, humor, instigator blog, igotnewsforyou, satire)

What Do Real Estate Agents Do Exactly? Where's the Value and Innovation?

2006-08-07T09:17:00.000-04:00

First, we did sell our house. So that's a good thing.

Second, I'm extremely glad it's over. The entire process was completely unpleasant. I complained openly. I even got down to begging.

But now that it's done (save for the actual closing at the end of this month) I've had time to reflect on what exactly my real estate agent did.

Let me first say this: I've only ever worked with 2 real estate agents in my life. Neither was a great experience but I don't want to over-generalize. Ever industry has good people and lousy people (usually the lousy ones outnumber the good ones.) I have spoken to others about their experiences, many wonder the exact same things I do.

There's definitely innovation taking place online in terms of gaining access to valuable information about the housing market. A good example is Zillow.com. And there's definitely innovation taking place in terms of giving people the ability to sell their own home. I think this is a rising trend because of the costs of homes and the subsequent huge commissions agents can take out of it.

I know that my real estate agent...

Scheduled visits with other agents (most visits weren't her own clients.)
Faxed paperwork back and forth between me and the buyer.
Did one open house (although it was a different agent that hosted it.)

But why didn't she...

Provide more of an educated opinion during the negotiation process.
Suggest ideas on how to improve the look of our home for potential buyers.
Provide more emotional support during an unpleasant and stressful 3 month period.
Provide more insight into the current market conditions in our area.

Real estate agents should do the above four things. It should be part of the job. Beyond that, it seems the industry could benefit from some other creative ideas. Why not suggest a staging service or provide the services? What about working in concert with a cleaning service?

My real estate agent took home a good chunk of change on our house, and I have to wonder how many hours were really put in. Granted, I wasn't prepared to take the time to show the house, or process all of the paperwork, or educate myself on the process. But I'm starting to think that this is very similar to accountants handling your taxes. Lots of people do their own taxes because it's becoming easier and easier. Selling your home yourself is also becoming easier and easier, and I think more people are asking the same questions I'm asking, so real estate agents will have to start providing more value, or they'll be pushed out.

(Technorati Tags: real estate, staging, home selling, real estate agents)

Hilarious Classified Ads from Real Newspapers

2006-09-07T11:07:00.000-04:00

According to Bill Belew at A Man Walks Into An Office here are a few classified ads that appeared in actual newspapers:

- FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

- NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

- GREAT DAMES for sale.

- TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it

Considering IGotNewsForYou is in the business of creating funny, mock news pages these stand out and make me laugh. The trick with IGotNewsForYou though is that the content is personalized. None of these classified ads have actual names in them, which is part of what makes IGotNewsForYou funny as a gift for someone.

Creating a quick page for a friend of mine (sorry Mathieu!) I took a screenshot of some classified ads that appear at the bottom. Mathieu loves playing Sudoku and has always dreamed of being a porn star. He also used to work at Concordia University in Montreal. With that in mind, the screenshot below makes more sense.

Tags: fake newspaper, funny newspaper, funny news, classified ads, humor, satire, comedy, personalized news, bill belew)