Me: Mom, can I have a party?
Mom: Sure. As long as there's no drugs and getting pregnant. Unless you want to. I don't want to cramp your style.

(Meeting my girlfriend)
Dad: Jesus! You look like a witch.
Girlfriend: I am a Wiccan, not a witch.
Dad: Oh, so you're just crazy and think you have magical powers. I was worried there for a minute.

Grandma: You'll have to help me on the computer Sunday since Monday's a holiday and I don't think the Internet works on holidays, does it?

Submitted by:

The.Fox

(Discussing gifts for my dad)
Mom: Just get him a DVD that you think he would like.
Me: Does he still like animal shows?
Mom: That was ONE TIME and he was in his twenties! Why would you suggest that?!
Me: I meant like from the Discovery Channel.
Mom: OH! Yes, I think he would like that.

Submitted by: Keen

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Me: Why did you have so many kids?
Mom: It's not like I could return them! It's not Walmart!

Submitted by: Geez..

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Dad: I'm so clever I think my foot might fall off.

Submitted by: Sarah

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(After having seen a modified car in a parking lot)
Dad: You know, someday I wanna trick out my car. Paint some red flames on it with a green dragon humping a white unicorn on the side.

Submitted by: You do that…

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(My first holiday without parents)
Mom: Don't get drunk on the plane, because if it crashes, you'll need your wits about you.

Submitted by:

Pollyesque

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Dad: Oh God, a tongue ring? What happens if you are innocently trying to catch a drop of rain on your tongue, and lightning strikes? Your tongue will fall off. That's ridiculous.

Submitted by: Linds

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Mom: Oh, I can't wait to go to the fish museum!
Me: The aquarium?
Mom: Right. That thingy.

Submitted by: Kate

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