I Hate My Message Board

A big box of 70s style love

Tracy — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:04:41 +0000

Or, showing off my loot as I am wont to do

1970s Candy Gift Box

My Go Group got together and surprised me with this 70’s Decade Box to cheer me up, aren’t they amazing? It’s going to take me weeks to get through this all; it’s a ton of treats.

Contents of 1970s Decade Box

It was super hard to get a picture of the contents because my boys were in the room and every shot had a blurry little hand reaching in. Every day since it arrived they ask, Mom, can we have some candy from the 70s? They even told their teachers all about it, which is a tiny bit unfortunate because…

Candy Cigarettes

Yeah, sure Victory Candy. You can’t fool me, I know what you are. Alas, my internal censor is broken because the first thing out of my mouth when I saw this was “Wow! Candy Cigarettes! I haven’t seen these in ages!”

Candy Cigarettes

So of course, all day long the boys are talking about the candy cigarettes and how fun it would be to pretend like they are smoking even though they know how bad it is. Probably because they know how bad it is. I explained to them that back when mommy was a little girl people didn’t know as much as they do know and let kids do all kinds of crazy things like pretend to smoke but now we know it’s not something to joke about but they still thought it was the most hilarious idea ever.

Candy Cigarette

There was nothing in the official parenting manual about what to do if you accidentally exclaim “Candy Cigarettes!” with glee within earshot of children so I figured the best thing to do would be let them eat them, but not pretend to smoke them and consider the matter closed. And eat them they did, with great relish, even though I found them boring without the whole pretending to smoke thing. Eh, I guess if you don’t know any better merely eating something as naughty as a candy cigarette is cause for great excitement. To be honest, I always preferred the Bubble Gum Cigarettes that would make a little puff of smoke when you blew through them.

We used to buy these from the fruit and vegetable man that would drive through our US Army housing in Germany. I would kill for a fruit and vegetable man right now, he had this van with sides that would fold down to reveal all sorts of produce and a staggering amount of candy. I bet these days people wouldn’t go for mixing sour pickle gummies with cucumbers and certainly not candy cigarettes with tomatoes, but like I told the kids, things were different then. We also had a donut man and 3 different ice cream guys (real ice cream, in scoops and real liqueur for making sundaes!) and a pomme frites van that sold fries and wurst. It was kind of an awesome time and place to live.

Wax Bottles

Today we opened the Nik-L-Nip Wax Bottles Candy. The boys were perplexed by these, although they liked the little bit of sugary syrup that was inside.

Heh, everything in here is bad for you but there’s so little of it, who cares?

Wax soda bottle

I told the boys they could chew on the wax, but they didn’t seem to like it. Me? I found it very relaxing. Kind of reminded me of the wax I used to put on my braces, in a good way. You can get rid of a lot of tension by chewing on wax, I think.

Hot Dog Bubblegum

This was not in the package, but it distresses me so I had to post it somewhere.

(note post contains affliate links, if you buy using this link I get a commission)Similar Posts:

Investment advice needed, please

Tracy — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:50:54 +0000

Or, I am surely the daughter of my parents

Vanilla Cherry Nyquil - Limited edition flavor!

I have a cold.

I need to sleep.

But I feel lousy (detailed accounting of all the ways I feel lousy upon request, even though I was saving it for an ebook)

My other bottle is empty.

We could discuss when they started marketing drugs like candy or just how much that bisque/bone color they used for the safety wrapper reminds one of very old women in the Miss Havisham mold, or if the green Nyquil works better than the cherry red one or why they market Nyquil in capsules when they are useless disappointments but what I really want to know is:

Do I really want to open this? I mean because it could be worth money some day. Everyone told me that the big money is in pharmaceuticals and I’d hate to be browsing through some drug con some day and see a new, safety sealed bottle of this going for $125 and kicking myself for never delaying gratification.

Your thoughts, please.

PS if anyone is in Canada and can get me one that says “new flavour” on the seal, I will reimburse you for cost, shipping and your time. Unless it’s ketchup flavoured, you can keep that.Similar Posts:

Crying in the car

Tracy — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 04:07:58 +0000

Or, really there isn’t a right place to begin writing again, is there?

I’ve been doing fine, I suppose. There have been urges to do something BIG! and LIFE! AFFIRMING! but it seems in the movies that always involves heights, and I’m scared of those so instead I decided to go with doing the small and life sustaining things like take the kids to school and grocery stop.

So today I’m doing just that and on the way home the kids all fall asleep in the back of the car and I decided to take the long way home so I wouldn’t have to wake them. For once, it’s quiet and there’s not a whole lot of traffic on these back roads and it’s too easy to think. And Fast Car by Tracy Chapman comes on the radio and all of a sudden I can’t stop crying.

Crying while driving is always a tricky thing. You can’t really give in to it fully or you’ll really have something to cry about, yet you can’t do too much about it, either. You just sort of have to let it all flow out while establishing a blinking pattern that will leave you with near full visibility and hope your nose doesn’t get into the act, too, because the tissues always go missing out of the center console.

I considered going to the Starbucks drive through and getting something nice to drink but I wasn’t sure if crying girl ordering a grande caramel macchiato was some sort of horrible cliche or noteworthy enough that they’d all talk about it and remember me when I came back. Or for that matter, which would be a bigger blow to my self esteem. So I just drove until John Tesh started talking and I could distract myself with how much I dislike his radio show yet have never bothered to change the channel.

Later that afternoon, I was driving again and a woman driving a car approaching me was crying in her car. She looked angry, like she’d been in an argument and stormed off without considering where it was that she wanted to go. I hope that everything works out for her.

I guess if I tried hard enough I could squeeze out some meaning or lesson from this experience and make this a proper sort of blog post but really I think what I wanted to say was hey, this is where I am, more or less okay but sometimes I cry while driving.

PS thanks to everyone that left nice comments, emailed and called, it’s been very appreciated.Similar Posts:

Quick update

Tracy — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 03:00:07 +0000

We are still dealing with the tragedy that struck my husband’s family and I will be unable to post for a few more days. Thank you all for your kindness and support, it’s been greatly appreciated.

TracySimilar Posts:

Sorry for my absence, I will be back sometime next week

Tracy — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 15:04:04 +0000

I will not be around online until sometime in the coming week because of a death in my husband’s family. It was an unexpected and horrific loss and I’d prefer not to give details to preserve my family’s privacy. Please keep them in your thoughts as they seek closure and peace over the coming months. I am still in a state of shock and disbelief and not up to writing or socializing. Thank you all for your understanding and support.Similar Posts:

I have obtained a copy of Just Busted

Tracy — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 05:28:50 +0000

Or, come on, somebody had to look into this

Just Busted Dec 29th edition front page

My husband picked this up for me from Mapco last week. You know what the main benefit to being married to me is besides all the food experiments? Getting to go out and buy trashy periodicals that your wife is too embarrassed to be seen buying. In my defense, I usually have 2-4 small children with me and it really isn’t seemly to be buying such things while your children are running around like Tasmanian devils at the checkout. I don’t even like to buy soda or cookies when I’m out with them and they are in such a mood because I can just feel people behind us giving each other knowing looks and nodding.

I wonder how they pick the mugshots to put on the front page? I picture a smokey room with one of those old timey light tables and a bunch of slides and a couple of grizzled old timey newspaper guys wearing suspenders and smoking cigars while they try to get the right balance of pretty young things to wild eyed PCP users.

Just Busted Ad

One of the things I like to do when flipping through a new publication is note the advertisers. It can tell you a lot about who their readers are. This ad makes sense even though it cracked me up how it was plunked right down in the middle of the wall of arrested folks on the front page.

Just Busted Ad

Um, yeah, it’s good to know you don’t need a title to get cash for your junk cars. I am intrigued by Lou Jacks and their promise of tender and tasty food and might make a visit even though every time I go down Winchester Rd I swear never again because people just plain forget how to drive the minute they turn on to it. Memphis people, you know what I mean, right?

Just Busted Ad

It’s good to be reminded that redemption is possible. It would have been nice if they’d included a coupon like Lou Jacks. $25 is a lot of money to come to Jesus!

Holiday Drunk Tank

They had seasonal features like the Holiday Drunk Tank.

Sex Offenders Near Grahamwood Elementary School

I pictured this being read by Chris Hansen, sort of like this: They are ALL, however, registered SEX offenders. Something interesting I noticed, most of the arrests for prostitution were “prostitution near church/school”. I think there was just one plain prostitution arrest. I didn’t notice this distinction with any other crimes. I wonder if there is any difference in sentence? Does this apply to Temples and Mosques, too?

A couple of people were also charged with “Initiation Meth Manufacture Process” but nobody seemed to have made it up to step 2 of Meth Manufacturing Process. I guess it’s good they are catching them at the beginning of the process.

Just Busted Cash Reward

This guy seems like he stepped out of a 1970s era blaxploitation flick. I hope they catch him, assuming he is guilty. When you call in a crime stoppers, do you just go and pick up a bag of cash money? Or do they give you a blank check? I admit, besides getting dangerous felons off the streets, I’ve always wanted to call in a tip to crime stoppers so I could solve this mystery.

Fun Fact!

It wasn’t all grime and crime, there were little nuggets of information scattered throughout the paper.

Just Busted Giveaway

Oh come on, that’s just some crass, lacking in couth shit there. Plus, I can’t find the fake one although I hope it’s “pedestrian soliciting ride/business”. What, you can’t ask a fellow citizen for a ride any more? What kind of business? Any business? Be specific, you can’t charge people with these frustratingly vague charges!

I wonder if they run the contest as a kindness, to give those pictured in the paper an out. “Oh no, I wasn’t arrested. Ha! I was the fake mug shot. I can’t believe you didn’t pick up on that. Oh what a riot! Make sure you send it in for the drawing. I hope you win! Oh man, wait until I tell the guys you thought I was really in Just Busted. Classic!”

All in all I have to say this is a publication without much redeeming value. I’d wager most people don’t go into committing a crime thinking they’ll be caught or are in a position where they aren’t thinking clearly (drug addiction, impulsive acts of anger) and the prospect of embarrassment isn’t much of a deterrent at the moment where they are making the decision to commit a crime. I don’t really feel bad for the people involved, if they are guilty, but it just doesn’t seem to be in the best of taste. I won’t buy it again now that my curiosity is satisfied. Too much like watching Jenny Jones. You like it while it’s on, but after you feel somewhat filthy and subhuman.

P.S. I did not find my prosti-ganger in there. I bet she was just Asian and didn’t even look like me. Pabo cop.Similar Posts:

I know people, fabulous people

Tracy — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 02:01:47 +0000

Or, look at what my friends are up to

It’s life coach Tim! On the early morning tv in Florida on New Year’s Day! And you know how I feel about people who are on tv, namely that their acquaintance is to be cultivated so as to be able to enlist their aid for getting my very good ideas for reality shows made into…reality.

I think he did very well although I didn’t really hear it all as I broke out into the giggles when the guy said “Seriously? You really help people?” I was just waiting for John Stossel to jump up from behind the couch and say “Give me a break!”

Edited to add: check out Tim’s latest post on his absolutely magnificent goal for the next year. He wants to give away a million books and is looking for your ideas on how to make this a reality.

In other news, my friend Madame Fabulous, you might know her from her guest posts on this blog, has jumped back into the world of blogging. Check out her blog, Madame Fabulous Knows Everything and be sure to subscribe because I know she’s going to come up with some great stuff. Check out the guest posts she’s shared with us:

How Does My Garden Grow (seriously, how?)

Cherry Blossoms

The Cruelest Cut

MadFab, Merlot and Malice

Bringing Your BestSimilar Posts:

2010 Won’t be another sequel

Tracy — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 17:27:45 +0000

Or, if somebody has a Mr. Linky up for resolution posts, you know I’m going to be dropping dope urls

NWA – Express Yourself
Uploaded by benjamin_franklin. – Watch more music videos, in HD!

Things to cut out:

Flaking
Perpetrating
Smoking weed (causes brain damage)
Hesitating to diss one
Following the styles and trends of others
Being what society wants me to be
Rapping for the pop charts
Exaggerating and making fiction in lieu of reality
Moving like a tortoise, full of rigor mortis

Things to continue/encourage

Getting straight
Meditating like a Buddhist
Combining subjects with predicates (note to self: find out what, precisely a predicate is. Is it related to the word predicated? How could somebody know what predicated means but is fuzzy on what a predicate is? Okay that’s enough, add stop beating self up over lack of grammar to list)
Ruthlessness
Remember it’s not about wealth
Kick reality but stay myself
Grow like an embryo or possibly a tumor (non-malignant)
Get a bottom so people will stop ignoring me
Stay funky

Happy New Year! Let me know your hopes and dreams for 2010 in comments! And if you’ve written a resolutions post of your own, be sure to drop by Nanny Goats in Panties to add it to the list.Similar Posts:

My personal policy on…

Tracy — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:02:38 +0000

Or Sesame Street inspired ramblings

My 2 year old has watched this video at least 100 times these past few days. The poor thing has been housebound with a nasty cold and has more than a touch of cabin fever, so I can understand why he seems to relate to this song so much. Plus it has Elmo, who is his favorite, even though I’ve been trying to sway him to Team Grover since birth.

It was somewhere around viewing 70 that he turned to me to let me know that “That guy left his laundry!” And from then on we chatted a bit about laundry and laundromats and the protocols for same during each viewing. I have to say it was nice to spend some time talking about my philosophy of laundry and guidelines for proper laundromat behavior with somebody who cared, even if he’d interrupt me every so often to demand I put back all the excess tissues that would fall out every time he tried to pull one out of his tiny personal pack of tissues.

Most of the time I try to avoid being that guy or gal. You know, the one that is always overly eager to share with you their personal policy on everything from parking to how to deal with credit card solicitations or finding cheap bananas. It’s as if there is some sort of Google-like keyword matching system in their brains that goes ding at the sound of the word “bananas” and out comes a detailed account of the price threshold at which they will buy bananas, their desired firmness and the methods by which they make use of the bargain priced bags of overripe ones. Sadder still, when you say bananas again after a week or two or three has passed, they’ll launch into the same monologue and damned if it isn’t word for word exactly the same as if they had no recollection of your previous conversation. Or maybe they do and they just can’t help themselves. I do not laugh at this because I fear I have these tendencies myself.

It’s worse because I blog and could easily indulge myself by giving a detailed account of the 7 signs I look for to determine when a bath towel is ready to be demoted to floor-mess towel status. Or the 4 do’s and 3 don’ts of deciding that a parking spot is the right one for me (here’s a surprising hint, it’s not necessarily the one closest to the door). While if you asked me, Tracy, do you think people who have a clearly defined personal policy for things they’ll do once or twice a year tops are a little nuts? I’d say “OMG, yes! YES! Thank you. YES!” the truth is I am a person who relishes having protocols and procedures imagined for any situation, no matter how unlikely.

Especially how unlikely, really, because that way it probably won’t happen and I’ll never know if I was horribly wrong in my thinking and can rest easy, safe from the knowledge that I am not particularly qualified to draw up a plan for safely evacuating my family in case a volcano rises up out of the Mississippi and an army of previously dormant aliens comes swarming out because they have received a sign that it’s time for the invasion to begin. Actually, I think my plan for that is solid, if overly reliant on my children choosing that time to become cooperative and obedient.

The thing I have learned in my life is that while it’s for the best I have such policies and procedures in place it’s best if I never, ever discuss them with anyone, particularly on the internet, because when policies collide, people very rarely merge the best of the two into one super policy. Instead they prefer to become ever more bullish and committed to their plan, flawed as it might be. Is it better to try to escape an army of invading aliens by foot or by car? I don’t know what the ultimate truth is, but I do know I am less wrong than all those other fools out there.

Usually though it’s not about something so important as how to escape an alien invasion and about something more mundane, like laundromat etiquette. As much as I’m annoyed by people who could write an entire manual on how to deal with clothes left in a dryer, I’m completely baffled by people who can’t or won’t. The way they shrug as if it’s a thing of little consequence, like they could just deal with it on the spur of the moment without putting in the time to evaluate the pros and cons of each possible course of action strikes me as more than a bit arrogant, as if they’d somehow transcended the human need for a plan and a philosophy.

Because really isn’t it a comfort to know that you’re the kind of person whose personal philosophy on squirrel management is X? That you have a strategy for avoiding the need to parallel park? To take joy, nay to exult in your 6 step procedure for getting 4 kids from front door to buckled into carseats in 3 minutes flat (2 if they aren’t wearing coats)? I think it is.

But I would because my personal philosophy is to try to find the good in everything.Similar Posts:

So you have leftovers from McDonald’s

Tracy — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 04:30:10 +0000

Or, I am super helpful what to do with stale McNuggets, cheeseburger and fries lady

McDonald's fries, cheeseburger and McNuggets

The McNuggetini has captured my imagination. As the mother of five boys, I often have leftover bits and pieces from McDonald’s which I dutifully bring home because it’s a sin to waste food then toss, because let’s face it, leftover fast food is not so appealing. Why did I never think of transforming old, leftover fast food into new and exciting homecooking?

After my pickle soup adventure and kimbap experiments, I had plenty of panko and nori sheets, so it seemed I should make use of them. Frying the kimbap in egg was a huge success, so why not a cheeseburger? I slightly squished down the burger, cut it into wedges, dipped in beaten egg and coated with panko and fried it.

Panko fried McDonald's cheeseburger

And you know what? It was pretty tasty. Crunchy on the outside, vaguely beefy and cheesy with a bit of pickle and ketchup on the inside. A success!

If Spam was good in kimbap, then McNuggets should be good, right? I don’t actually like McNuggets, but I do very much like rice and nori. I decided to throw the fries in, too.

The building of a McNugget sushi roll

McNugget sushi roll

To be honest, it was bland. I should have added carrots and spinach and pickled daikon radish and other ingredients that would have added some flavor. But never fear, I still had plenty of panko and hot oil.

Panko crusted McNugget maki and panko fries

That was much better, especially dunked in some Sriracha. I went ahead and threw some fries in, too and they were absolutely delicious. It would have been much better with all the normal kimbap fixings but this was decent. Probably a bit more work than a McNugget deserves but at least I’m not just throwing it away. My mother, aka she who puts leftover hot dogs in all kinds of places they don’t belong, will be very proud.

BTW – should I put a disclaimer here that I don’t hardly ever take my kids to McDonald’s or any fast food for that matter or is that implied? You can totally tell from my logo that I am a good parent, right? Am somewhat paranoid about these things after my poor boy and his chocolate covered face upstaged the chicken in the can.Similar Posts: