If not, read this then come back

Good news, this morning they came and everything checked out so our gas is back on. Hooray for hot water and heat!

Bad news, I’m not exactly sure what happened but I think it’s because the water heater got turned to high, but there was a build up of pressure in the tank and the relief valve started leaking water. Good news, this prevented the tank from exploding.

How did I find this out? I was trying to fix the clogged garbage disposal and heard an ominous water sound from the basement and thought maybe the pipes were leaking again like they did last time the disposal got clogged.

NOPE.

I did figure out the problem and the leaking is almost all stopped now, just a trickle. It seems we might need to replace the valve now that it’s been engaged but it seems to be a cheap diy fix. THANK GOODNESS FOR SUMP PUMPS. And I did get the disposal unclogged.

Of course, while all this was going on, they that must never be unsupervised were unsupervised and got into the hot pink spackle wall fix-y stuff.

So I am sorry but I’m going to have to break out the big guns here

When the going gets tough, the tough say screw it and turn their living room into a dance party. Well, first they clean their kids, then they have a party.Similar Posts:

• No one can take away your right to fight and to NEVER SURRENDER!
• “Snack Solutions”
• Bob’s Pickle Pops and Takis Guacamole
• SlimCado, A Review
• The world’s saddest lollypies

Or, you know it’s been a bad week when I quote Corey Hart to have the strength to go on

I am a complete and utter heel for taking so long to thank everyone who voted for me in the Good Mood Blogger Gig competition. All of the votes and encouragement meant so much to me, and although I didn’t make it into the top 20, I got well over 3ooo votes which is amazing. I meant to tie it into a post about self promotion, but then I got sick and could only think about how much I hated really big umbrellas in crowded places.

So, I was starting to feel better and about to get back on track when my stove and oven broke. A problem, but not insurmountable. I bought a hot plate and made arrangements for a repair.

Then, we discovered when trying to light the water heater pilot that the vent that is supposed to take away all the bad stuff, like carbon monoxide was completely blocked. As in so blocked that the utility company immediately turned off all the gas to the house because it was so unsafe. Our hot water and heat are gas, but luckily it wasn’t too cold and between the microwave, hot plate and electric kettle we were able to get enough water to bathe.

Which is a problem, but not insurmountable, so we called the heating and air conditioning people to come and take a look. The repair guy said he couldn’t do anything without the gas being on, but then he decided to pull the pipe thing away from the chimney and found it completely clogged with dust and rubble and whatnot. He said to call the chimney company.

Which was a problem, but not insurmountable, so my husband called the chimney company and they came right out on Friday night and said the chimney was completely clogged and an interior wall had crumbled completely many years before and to fix this would cost a couple thousand dollars.

This was a problem and felt pretty dang insurmountable.

But we surmounted, oh yes we did and yesterday they came out again and got our chimney nice and clear. The utility company only has emergency crews on the weekend though, so we’re still without hot water and heat, but the end is in sight.

And after a good hot shower, I will be back to my bubbly self, I just know it. In the meantime, I think it would behoove us all to watch this video and remember that Corey Hart believes in you! Don’t give up!

PS This is not obligatory, but I certainly think that some wow, you took care of four kids, a dog and a husband with no gas or working stove for many days is certainly a nice thing to do. I mean, obviously our pioneer ancestors did it and survived, but I am made of softer, 21st century stuff and need coddling.Similar Posts:

• Remember yesterday when I broke out the Corey Hart
• The Paranoid Mom Reviews New Products: Stove Top Quick Cups
• 5 Super Creepy Songs
• Read Twice, Post Once
• My First Life Coaching Session

Or, I have 3 or 4 upbeat posts in the works but it’s just not happening today so let’s get this out of my system, shall we?

I know I was just sick but it turns out I am sick again. Or a continuation of the other sick, who knows? The good news is I must not be that sick, because I still have the energy to be very, very grouchy. How grouchy?

• Dear Leaves: I don’t understand why you have to be so FREAKING LOUD when you fall. I wasn’t going to tell you this, but that’s why people like snow better, because it is quiet. Maybe you should learn something from snow.
• Dear Husband: I know I should have been irritated by this on Saturday when it happened, but it really didn’t hit me until today that I don’t like it when you reach across and honk my horn for me while I’m driving. I know that idiot bike driver shouldn’t have been in the middle of the street going 2 miles per hour, but I must insist that I retain sovereignty over my horn.
• Dear people who don’t have anything against children but can’t stand it when parents don’t do anything about it: Please, I am begging you tell me exactly what you’d recommend I do. Because I am fresh out of ideas. My idea for you is that you take Bono’s advice and tonight thank God it’s me instead of you.
• Dear Leaves: okay, I lied, I don’t know if most people prefer snow to you but I don’t feel bad about it because I had my reasons.
• Dear Self: I know you thought it was a good plan to promise the kids a trip to the playground if they napped, but now they are napping and you don’t want to follow through because the leaves are too loud and hurt your head. How are we going to get out of this mess?
• Dear Sonic: I hear you over there telling me hey, bring the kids to me for some happy hour cherry limeades! You won’t even have to get out of the car and they’ll forget all about the playground. Nice try. You are a sneaky little drive in restaurant, I’ll give you that.
• Dear people who will be outside of the school today talking loudly on their bluetooth headsets about their personal business as they wait for their kids: You look crazy and from what I hear your lives are Springeresque messes. Just sayin’ is all.
• By the way, if it is raining and you are in a crowded place with people trying to walk, you don’t need a stadium sized umbrella. Seriously, why do people do that? This is why they invented the raincoat so that you can keep yourself dry without poking people in the eye with your umbrella spokes.
• Dear person looking for something on the floor of their car while driving 20 miles per hour on a 35 mph stretch of road and totally messing up my plans to turn left: While I’m not blaming you for my sickness, the extra stress today couldn’t have helped. I hope you aren’t reading this while driving, although I wouldn’t put it past you.
• Dear kids: I can hear you up there playing and I think this lets me off the hook for my promise to take you to the playground. I will probably still take you anyway, even though it is most likely sending the wrong message, because it’s better you make a mess in nature than in my house.
• Dear Self: Are you crazy? Hit publish and run upstairs and see what they are doing. Remember that mess with the lotion and oatmeal bath powder?!?!

Similar Posts:

• What We’re Reading Today at IHMMB Headquarters
• My brave and inspiring battle with contrahension
• Phoning it in Friday
• Persuing Perfection Produces Paranoia
• One can’t very well blog when one is sick, can one?

I am so sorry that this is tardy, we seem to have come down with a fiendish plague at my house. I don’t think it’s swine flu or even regular flu, but it is responsible for copious amounts of snot and phlegm.

But that is boring and so to avoid the crime of writing while sick (which always results in page after page of me whining how UNFAIR it all is and weeping at the tender beauty of my courage in the face of rhinovirus) I’m proud to announce the grand prize winner is:

Alana from Girl Alive for 8 Hotdogs in a CAN with ONIONS in BRINE

Runners up:

Rina from Gotta Little Space for Potted Meat Food Product

Abbie for Placenta Shampoo

Sean from Lance Bass Ruined My Life for Book Thongs

Stephanie from Adventures in the Life of Me for Fortifido and Dog Snuggies. Be sure to check out her animals trying Fortifido and the Snuggie, too cute!

Abbeytoo for Creepy Glow in the Dark Skull Purse and Life Size Sock Monkey Ballerina

I will be contacting the winners by email later today to get their addresses to mail their prizes. Although I probably won’t get to the post office until we all stop leaking. I am a good citizen that way.Similar Posts:

• A Whole Brave New World
• Mondays are for Rambling
• 5 Super Creepy Songs
• I have one of the best writer’s websites in 2009 according to Writer’s Digest
• Letters to my life coach

Or, I’m sick, it’s almost Halloween, yeah, I think I’ll do a round up list post. Click on the links to read the full posts!

Haggis in a Can

This one ultimately wasn’t that disgusting, but I only got to the point where I could eat it by convincing myself it was just like black pudding. That might not work for everyone.

Pork Brains in Milk Gravy

I’m not one of those bloggers that gets a lot of hate mail, but this post has gotten me a few indignant replies. Don’t knock it til you try it, they say. Yeah, well don’t be getting all pissy at me until you’ve read my dang post and see that I almost puked just dipping my finger in the brain juice. So I did try it. Oooh, scuzz.

Okay, as a person who eats and enjoys Spam on occasion I have to say you are setting yourself up for a LIFE OF MISERY if you can’t find a way to make peace that people are going to mock your choice in canned goods. That is something my life coach taught me and I am sharing it with you all <– see, THAT’S why I should win good mood blogger.

Chicken in a can

This is the most viewed post on my blog. The funny thing is, I think if I’d been able to just pull the chicken out of the can as I’d planned instead of having to pour it out, the post wouldn’t have been nearly as popular. Handling the chicken was pretty disgusting, but the taste wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t good, either. Really the taste wasn’t there.

Cheeseburger in a can

I wasn’t the first person by far to taste and post this, but as far as I know I am the only one who served it with spring mix and a blood orange garnish.

Fish and Cheese Sausage

I tried this one earlier this week. I still have that phantom old dried fish powder smell stuck in my nose.

Silkworm Pupa in a Can

I don’t know why I wasn’t content just to let my brother try this one, but after we taped this, I went and tried one and prompted yakked in the sink. Oy, I think it was the hot dog water smell that made me sick.

You can see more of my food posts here. Let me know in comments the grodiest foods you’ve tried!Similar Posts:

• I have a cheeseburger
• People who need pupa are the pluckiest people
• The Museum Of Snack Foods
• Durian Candy
• Pork Brains in Milk Gravy

Or, my unofficial entry into the IHMMB Scary Products Contest, with video

Fish and cheese sausage from Korea

The packages sure are cute, aren’t they. Maybe the one with the boy holding the giant sausage and licking his lips is vaguely alarming, but mostly cute. My mom bought these for me at Winchester Farmer’s Market, where you can buy all sorts of international goodies. She thought my boys might eat them for after school snacks.

I wish I’d asked her what the package said, because all I can read is NEW EZ Cut just like the rest of you. For the record, the cut was not that easy, but it was somewhat satisfying to pop them out. Almost anything you pop will be satisfying, I find.

I always offer nutritional information, if available, as a service to my readers.

I wonder why they specified frozen whole eggs. Wouldn’t they have thawed by now? It makes me suspicious, like that’s code for something in the food industry.

Fish paste product, keep refrigerated, hmmmm. I only noticed this, oh as I sat down to write this post and it was on the shelf when we bought it and has been on my shelf since August. I am not dead yet so I think it must be CYA. Fish paste product does sound unappetizing, but I’ve used anchovy paste often enough so it doesn’t put me off.

Oh yes, that’s right, I love anchovies. Judge me, go ahead, I dare you. And I sneak it in my family’s food and they just think it’s FLAVOR, so there.

It looks kind of like a food product but really not.

It kind of perplexes me that the larger sausages in the container marked EZ cut did not have the EZ Cut opening, while the smaller ones in the package that wasn’t marked as such did. In any case, EZ Cut was marginally easier to open. Only marginally. Those little tabs are hard for old fingers to grasp!

Eh, not too appealing, is it? At first, it tastes like nothing but feels like squeaky, artificial cheese. Then it tastes like old, powdery dried fish. Which is not exactly unappealing to me, since I grew up eating whole dried tiny anchovies, head and all, but combined with the texture it was inedible.

As for the texture? Well I took a video to demonstrate. Excuse the messy back yard, we’ve had lots of rain and when it wasn’t raining we were busy. I would have made it longer but my kids kept screaming in the background. Can you imagine the kinds of food posts I’m going to get to do when they all go off to college? It’s going to be awesome.

By the way, my voice doesn’t really sound like that. It sounds much smarter. For reals y’all. Any my neighbor came home and saw me taking the photos on the front porch and he was all “Hi neighbor! How’s it going there?” so I told him I was taking pictures of this fish and cheese sausage to post on the internet because I couldn’t think of a good lie. I’m only a little disappointed that he didn’t seem to wonder why one would do such a thing, but I guess he’s seen a lot.

And get your entry into the IHMMB Scary Products Contest! Thursday at midnight CST is your cut off. There aren’t many entries yet so you could totally win this thing!

Similar Posts:

• The First Annual IHMMB Scary Product Contest!
• The Six Grodiest Foods I’ve Tried So Far
• I have a cheeseburger
• Chicken Marsala and Ambrosia
• My Trip to the Farmer’s Market

Or, I have declared myself a Facebook guru

photo credit _Max-B

Now that the How to be Rich and Happy fan page has fiftysixtupled in fans, I feel confident in saying I am the go to person when it comes to building your online community with Facebook. FIFTYSIXTUPLED! And it started out with zero and I’m sure the amount of increase can be expressed traditionally, as a percent-number but didn’t you hear the part where it started with zero and you can’t divide by zero and I’m pretty sure division is required for percents but that doesn’t matter because the ROI in social media can’t be adequately expressed in numbers, it’s about the conversation. Of which I’ve had many these days.

But not in the Random People That Join Groups Then Ignore Them Forever Group, I did join and I thought about leaving a pithy comment, oh yes I did, but then I thought to myself, oh no, this is not a random act of joking for you my friend, this, this is inspiration. You are a maven, you go out and show them that using the right strategies it is possible to start a group that grows conversation, that webs people into a connection force so sticky that Spiderman would weep at the quiet beauty of your weaving.

And here they are, in no particular, the first groups I shower-thought just now:

Dang Y’all!

Photo credit: telethon

For people who appreciate the versatility of this not really cussing, folksy phrase. It can be happy:

• Dang! Y’all won’t believe who got into Yale!

It can be sad:

• Dang y’all, I didn’t get into Hoboken Junior Community VoTech Institute

It can be excited:

• Dang y’all! That’s my cousin on that high speed police chase on channel 4!

It can be what you say when there are no words:

• Dang y’all, I mean,it’s  just…dang.

It works as a mild curse:

• Dang y’all I told you to cut it out!

I know it doesn’t seem like much of a theme or niche, but when you’re around people who say dang y’all a lot, the conversation just seems to flow naturally.

A Thousand Splendid Tracys

photo credit Wikipedia Commons/David Shankbone

It will start as a group for women named Tracy/Tracey/Traci/Tracie to gather and talk about what it’s like to have a name that ties you so strongly to a particular generation and fret a bit about what it will be like when Tracy is an old lady’s name, but not for too long, because if we are known for anything, we Tracys are known for being a peppy, can-do type of people.

There will be a small to medium bit of drama when the mostly black male Tracys accuse the mostly white(ish) female Tracys of excluding an entire class of Tracys but this will all be worked out with typical Tracy flair and there will be a few weeks of multicultural (but alas, not multi-generational) fun. This will end when the other Tracys accuse the Just-a-Y Tracys of being snobby and the Just-a-Y Tracys will seriously just not understand why they don’t all spell Tracy with just a Y to make life easier on everyone.

You might think starting a group you know will end badly is a mistake, but that’s why you are not a guru – dude, I can get 4 or 5 splinter groups out of this EASY.

Am I the only one who doesn’t care that…

Photo credit: SMN

This is where I get to offer a real service to people; I’ve been noticing when folks want to find other people on the internet who do not care for a particular thing, they are doing it all wrong. They go and find a group of people talking about that subject and that’s where they ask “Am I the only person who doesn’t care that…?” And what usually follows is a bit of bickering about who should care and why, which I’m sure was not what the not-carer was looking for.

“Am I the only person that doesn’t care that…” will be a safe place for people to gather and not care about things together, for whatever reasons they have for not caring.

I’m still on the fence on if I should make “Totally not on my radar” and “I have more important things to worry about” a part of “AITOPTDCR” or separate groups. Generally my philosophy is the more groups, the better but with this demographic I think I’ll need sheer numbers to keep the conversations going, what with them being so busy, not very attentive and not prone to caring. Probably I should wait to start this group until I get to expert guru level.

I would so kick their butt

Photo Credit: El Cabron

Have you ever read or heard about something happening to somebody or their girlfriend or kid or dog or package from UPS and thought to yourself, I might seem like just an ordinary grocery store manager or stay at home mom or high school student but if that had happened to me/my girlfriend/my kid/my UPS package I would have totally kicked some butt. Sure, it might not be the “prudent” thing to do, or even very “admirable” but me, I can’t help it, somebody messes with me/my girlfriend/my kid/my UPS package and I don’t know man, I just see red and I can’t control myself. It’s like the Momma Bear/Poppa Bear/Baby Bear/Post Office Employee circa 1980s comes out and next thing I know there’s a guy on the floor and people in a circle just looking at me like, dang y’all see that?

It hasn’t happened in an actual outside of my head way yet, but I have thought about it and yes, if it comes down to it, I will totally kick butt to protect myself/my girlfriend/my kid/my UPS package and I’m not afraid to say so. In fact, I often tell people who have had these things happen and didn’t kick butt just what I would do, so if it ever happens to them again, they will know how I would have handled the situation and act accordingly. Even though I’m an ass-kicker, I’m also a giver, you know? In fact, where’s “The people that know me, they’ll tell you I’m a giver” group?

Similar Posts:

• A sneak peek at next week
• Letters to my life coach
• Yes and Go!
• Friday Photo Fun
• Here’s how the story begins

Or, I’m in the 21st century, y’all!

My friend and coach Tim Brownson let me set up a Facebook fan page for his book How to be Rich and Happy. I’ve discovered I’m more than a bit geeked out about the possibilities of fan pages, so I’m exploring the idea of doing more. That’s a total hint for somebody who needs a page but doesn’t want them to do it themselves to contact me while I still work for pats on the head.

You can become a fan of How to be Rich and Happy on Facebook and get updated when there are new posts on the blog and other news. I think even if you don’t buy the book, the blog offers a lot of value.

By the way, Tim and John have decided to offer a larger free sample of HTBRAH, you can get it here, no need to register or join a mailing list, just click the download link.

Mah blog's on that there Kindle machine now!

I followed the brilliant advice of Kathy from Junk Drawer and made I Hate My Message Board available on the Kindle. At first, they were asking the princely sum of $1.99 to subscribe for a month but I’ve been knocked down to $.99. I feel strangely diminished by this. I don’t know if anyone will actually buy it, but it seems nifty to have it there and as any struggling blogger knows, every possible bit of exposure helps.

And I tell you this not because I expect you to subscribe but would really appreciate it if you have a few minutes and want to do me a huge favor if you’d do a quick review. Unless you hate this blog then I’m going to review your head and diagnose it crazy for reading this far.

If you’d like to publish your own blog on Kindle, here’s the link. The cut is something like 30%, which is a little weird since you’re doing most of the work, but since normally I do it for much, much less than a penny a page view, I don’t feel too bad about taking it.

So I got Google Wave and after waiting ages after I nominated them, my friends got their invitations and we’ve been playing with it. So far, our conversation has been like this:

Okay, I’m lost here.

Hey, what am I supposed to do

OMG, I can see you typing, that’s so cool!

Stop looking at me, I really can spell good wellgood properly it’s just cold in here

Ha ha you grammar isn’t ACK STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!!!!

What are all those empty boxes by my name I didn’t put them there?

Hey, everyone needs to get a picture because I don’t know who’s in here and I might say the wrong thing

How do you get a picture? I don’t see where you get a picture. HELP!

I’m so confused, my ADD is flaring up.

Let’s go back to Gmail

THANK YOU!

It’s been awesome and I’m so glad I went with my first instinct to invite my yackety yak buddies instead of people who had heard of it before and had good and useful applications in mind. You know what was funny? My friend Sean wanted to know what ping did, so he pinged me and the wave tab in my browser kept flashing Hi Tracy! and I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from and I was all CRAP what if by getting into a “wave” with somebody they can see into your computer and control it and open files and junk. I so do not need Sean to know my bizness. He’s a nice guy and all but he’d judge me for my browser history. You all would. (btw, go and vote for Sean. Then vote for me. No wait, vote for me first, because I’m needier)

All in all I can see a lot of possibilities with Wave but it’s going to take a lot of time before I feel comfortable with it, kind of like Twitter.

Finally don’t forget to enter the Scary Products Contest by October 29. I’m expecting great things from those of you that swore up and down you’d find something awesome!

Note: This post contained a lot of affiliate links for  How to be Rich and Happy and Amazon, if you click and buy, I get a cut. By the way, while you’re at Amazon, you could pick up one of these Kurt Cobain – Angel Tapestry or a Wolf Pack Decorative Tapestry Toss Pillow Better stock up for the holidays!

You might also be interested in reading my review of How to be Rich and Happy and an Interview with Tim Brownson and John P. Strelecky
Similar Posts:

• Who wants to be rich and happy?
• Mondays are for Rambling
• I have ONE Google Wave invite nomination left
• I had the perfect title come to me while I was in bed last night
• I have one of the best writer’s websites in 2009 according to Writer’s Digest

Or, this is why they call me two-sides Tracy. I always look at *both* sides.

Recent photo of me. My I am dorky looking. And askew, definitely askew

In the interests of radical transparency, I think it’s only fair I list the reasons I would not be the perfect choice for good mood blogger so that the people can make a wise decision.

• I wholeheartedly believe that the best way to be a happy person is to develop a sincere love of Air Supply. It’s about letting down your guard and allow yourself to really feel. Until you can do this, you have walls, my friend, and a walled person is not a happy person. Some people feel this is judgmental and unreasonable. They have walls, too.
• Cats and kittens will never be mentioned in my posts as a source of a good mood unless it’s because all the cats on my street decide to move to Toledo. You can’t really blame me for this, they like to congregate in my driveway and give me a dirty look when I want to park.
• There’s that inordinate obsession with canned meats.
• Tendency to write run on sentences so long and meandering that I can’t find my way out and so just slap on a period and hope nobody notices.
• Found out this week that I was confusing Eckhart Tolle with John Edward.
• My blog is called I Hate My Message Board. Clearly this title was not dreamed up by a person in a good mood.
• Briefly considered paying my children in chocolate bars to do cute kid things and say “Vote for our Mommy!” on YouTube. And if they wouldn’t perform, hire other people’s more cooperative children.
• Will probably spend a good portion of the prize money on uncouth iPhone apps and limited edition Japanese Kit Kats.
• Had anxiety over how often I could remind people of the contest without annoying them which somehow turned into me playing Irene Cara songs over and over and muttering how I won’t let the haters keep me down, even though nobody had said anything remotely negative.
• Speaking of, I think I have an enemy and that makes me feel delightfully important.
• Call my other mom-friends First Initial-Dawg or First Initial-Money. I know it’s wrong, but I just can’t stop.
• If I make it to the round where we have to do a video, I’m so screwed because acting natural on camera with a pleasant expression is not my strength. It will be like watching Ricky Gervais playing David Brent on The Office, you know that cringing because you’re so embarrassed for the person on screen thing, only I won’t be acting.
• Also, prefer the US version of The Office mostly because I find it hard to follow conversations in accented English.
• This might seem like a manipulative way to get votes or it might seem charming and quirky. I don’t know! I just don’t understand people! I mean, can’t it be both?
• Learned what “dragging my nuts” means this week and want desperately to use it in a sentence.
• I semi-lied up there about the cats, my good mood posts will probably mention Hello Kitty quite a bit.
• Have never seen any of the Matrix movies, always tell people I’ll get right on that then promptly watch back to back episodes of House Hunters instead and indulge in feelings of superiority because of my good taste, low maintenance personality and modest needs for square footage. I only mildly enjoy the superiority, mind you, but can’t deny that the enjoyment is there.
• If there was a cranky ass blogger competition, I’d run for it, too without giving up my quest to be good mood blogger.
• Am only using this to get discovered so I can pitch my idea for “Life Judge” to the networks.
• I believe the judicious use of the word “ain’t” is vital to my writer’s voice.
• Secretly hope I can make the word “dweeb” popular again with the young people and am trying to figure out a way to use the Good Mood Blog to achieve that goal.
• Am scared of any games involving balls and lash out angrily at people for throwing them at me.
• A lot of my humor is based on self-deprecation. It gets old.

There is more, but I don’t wish to bore anyone, just wanted to give you a good look at the dark side of Tracy. Look at it and ask yourself: do we really want to give her a larger platform? No wait, watch this first, get in a good mood, then ask.

I guess I should add “not above manipulating people with the sweet, sweet sounds of Air Supply” to get my way to the list.

And I know the roads to riches

And I know the ways to fame

I know all the rules

And then I know how to break ‘em

And I always know the name of the game

(that last bit where I quoted the lyrics was for my friend Sean to let him know the game is on my friend, the game is freaking ON)
Similar Posts:

• Since we seem to add a family member every two years
• The Six Grodiest Foods I’ve Tried So Far
• A celebration of my own labor
• Mondays are for Rambling
• A couple of announcements and requests

Or, I told you, my mom can COOK!

Chapchae

Chapchae is one of my favorite dishes traditionally served at large Korean dinners for special occasions. When I was growing up, my mother’s Korean church would have a huge Korean Thanksgiving feast. Most of the women and some of the men would dress up in their hanboks (traditional Korean clothing) and there would be so much food. My mom would fill a huge picnic cooler full of cooked rice to bring and spend days making all sorts of yummy food for the banquet.

There are a lot of steps involved in making chapchae but the end result is worth it. This recipe makes quite a bit, so be prepared to eat it for days or share with friends and family. I don’t think it freezes well because most of the appeal is in the crisp texture of the fresh vegetables and the noodles would get funky. You can certainly scale the recipe down and add or subtract amounts to suit your own tastes.

This is an excellent recipe for vegetarians, it’s delicious without the meat and substantial enough to make a light meal. The only ingredients that might not be easily found at a regular supermarket are the sweet potato noodles and dried mushrooms. You could substitute fresh mushrooms, although I like the chewier texture of dried in this dish. Sweet potato noodles are available at most Asian groceries, but if your local shop doesn’t carry them, I’ve used other varieties of glass or cellophane noodles (such as bean threads) with great success.

If your supermarket has an excellent fresh salad bar, I see nothing wrong with cheating and buying some of the vegetables already sliced to save a bit of prep work.

Chapchae (Japchae) recipe

Ingredients

• 1 1.5 lb bag of sweet potato noodles
• 1 ounce dried shitake mushrooms
• 1 ounce dried black mushrooms (you can use all of one kind or substitute mushrooms. If you hate mushrooms leave them out, but that’s kind of crazy talk)
• 1/2-1 lb of beef marinated for bulgogi or a beef ribeye steak sliced into thin strips (this is a good use for leftover bulgogi, but if you don’t have any and don’t have time to prepare some, plain beef works. You could also use thinly sliced pork tenderloin or chicken or mix it up. Or, as I said, omit the meat altogether)
• 1.5 cups or thereabouts of thinly sliced bell peppers. I like a mix of colors, but use whatever is good and fits your pocketbook (I know around here red, yellow and orange bell peppers are sometimes outrageous)
• 1 or 2 medium onions thinly sliced. Just plain white or yellow ones, you could substitute some purple ones but it will make the dish sweeter.
• 2 medium carrots cut into matchsticks
• 1 bunch of broccoli florets, sliced into thin pieces. Actually this is probably too much, so snack on some raw broccoli while you are cooking. You can also peel and thinly cut the stems into matchsticks and use them, too. This is in no way a traditional ingredient but it tastes good and adds nutrition, so in it goes.
• 2 10 ounce bags of spinach. They say it’s washed, but go on and wash it again.
• 4-6 cloves of garlic
• 1/2 cup of soy sauce plus extra for seasoning the spinach and beef if you’re not using bulgogi
• 2 Tablespoons of sesame oil plus a little extra to season the spinach and beef and stir fry the noodles

chapchae mixture

First, put the mushrooms in some water to rehydrate according to package instructions. This takes about an hour. When they are soft, squeeze out all the liquid and slice into thin strips and put aside.

If you are using leftover bulgogi, you are set. If you are using bulgogi that isn’t cooked, stir fry it and reserve the liquid (this is extra flavor). If you are using plain beef, mix up a bit of sesame oil, soy sauce and a minced or crushed garlic clove or two and stir it into the beef and then stir fry.

Stir fry the mushrooms and 2 cloves of minced garlic in a bit of vegetable oil for a few minutes, remove, then stir fry the onions, bell peppers, carrots until tender but still quite crisp and put aside.

Blanch the broccoli in a pot of salted, boiling water. Take out and put in a bowl of ice water to set the color and stop cooking, then drain well and put aside.

Blanch the spinach very briefly in a pot of boiling water. Drain and rinse with cold water and then squeeze as much liquid as possible out with your hands. You will be shocked at how little there is left. In a bowl, combine with a clove or two of minced garlic, a few splashes of sesame oil and a bit of soy sauce. This is actually really good served on its own just like this.

Boil a large pot of water, then add the sweet potato noodles. It only takes about five minutes to cook, you’ll want them tender but not at all mushy. Drain in a colander and rinse with cold water until cool. Use kitchen shears to cut them into 5-6 inch lengths for easier eating. It’s much, much easier to cut them after cooking!

My mom cutting noodles for chapchae

This next step can be skipped but my mom says it’s good for keeping the noodles from getting too mushy from absorbing liquid from the other ingredients. The key is to use as little oil as possible, only enough to give the noodles a light coat.

In a very large frying pan or wok, heat up a little bit of sesame oil. Add the noodles, tossing them quickly with tongs or chopsticks and stir fry for a minute or two. Depending on the size of your pan, this might be better done in two batches.

Put the noodles into a very large mixing bowl and add in all of the other ingredients. Toss together with tongs or your hands. Add in about 1/2 cup of soy sauce and 2 tablespoons of sesame oil and a few shakes of black pepper, if desired, and toss some more. Taste for seasoning, and if necessary add more soy sauce or sesame oil or even a little salt.

I think chapchae is best served at room temperature, but you can eat it straight out of the fridge, cold or warm it in the microwave. It will keep for about 2 days in the fridge.

You can certainly add toasted sesame seeds if you like them and garnish with sliced spring onions. I’ve tasted other recipes that seemed to have sugar in them, but I like my mom’s version with no sugar best. By all means add other vegetables you’d think would be good, shredded napa cabbage is one I’ve seen, but take care to squeeze all the moisture out of really juicy ones.

Please let me know if you’ve try the recipe and how you enjoyed it and I’ll be glad to answer any questions in the comments section.

Yummy chapchae!

• Bulgogi: Korean Fire Meat
• Kalbi: the best beef ribs you’ll ever taste
• The World’s Best Egg Roll Recipe
• Beef Cheek Casserole
• PPUSHU PPUSHU Instant Snack, Barbecue Flavor!